Blue Plate Special
by Marie Goos
Summary: After Oogway hires a stranger off the street to cook for Shifu and Tai Lung, things begin to get a little awkward.
1. The Most Important Meal of the Day

**Blue Plate Special**

Summary: After Oogway hires a stranger off the street to cook for Shifu and Tai Lung, things begin to get a little awkward.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so... I don't know how or why or what possessed me to do this. I woke up this morning, I turned on my computer, and I wrote this. I am officially insane.

EDIT: 1/4/10 - Updated the chapter, though with nothing major; I just wanted to make it flow a little better.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

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Chapter 1: The Most Important Meal of the Day

* * *

The Valley of Peace was enjoying a peaceful, lazy morning, bathed in the warm light of the sun. The skies were clear, the air was somewhat heavy with humidity, and the entire valley was waking up and moving at a slow and steady pace. It was the kind of day when everyone collectively decided to take it easy-excepting the residents of the Jade Palace.

Tai Lung, the youngest resident of the Jade Palace, groaned as he rubbed at his sore shoulders. He had just finished up his morning chores, and he was already exhausted. He'd swept the entire barracks, done last night's dishes, refilled their water reserves (with rain water, since there had been a recent downpour and Master Shifu hated waste), and to top it all off he'd only been able to sneak a single peach from the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom before heading off toward the training hall. To be honest, he normally didn't have so many chores, but he was _sort of_ being punished for slacking off, acting up, talking back... All the normal things that children were often punished for.

Still, it was his professional opinion that his master had completely overreacted, as usual. It would be nice if he could talk to Master Shifu without getting yelled at or punished, but he tended to have... Well, Tai Lung himself admitted that he had a little bit of an attitude. Master Oogway always said that he picked it up from Master Shifu, though.

As he crossed the theater, it somehow registered in his mind that there was somebody knocking on the closed front gate to the Jade Palace. He blinked slowly emerging from his musings at the noise; he had no idea _why_ someone would be knocking on the gate. All the residents of the Valley of Peace knew that the gates were open for anyone who wished to enter. He stopped to listen, perking up his ears, just as the knocking stopped.

Then came a very weak, "Ummmm... Hello?" It sounded like a woman's voice.

If Tai Lung had not honed his senses through kung fu training, he probably wouldn't have heard it. Since he had, he headed for the front gate, mostly out of curiosity. He wasn't sure what anyone would want at the Jade Palace so early in the morning, especially someone who didn't even realize that she could just walk right in.

When he trotted up to the gate, he was more than a little confused by the sight awaiting him. A dog, no larger than Master Shifu, was peering with uncertainty into the open courtyard. She looked like a big, walking dandelion her fur was so fluffy- and dirty. She must have been a traveler of some sort, since she looked like she'd practically rolled there. Tai Lung stared as he warily approached her, not sure what to say. He settled on, "Who're you?"

"Uh, hi!" She waved a little bit, shuffling her feet. "I'm, uhm... I'm Lin. Nice to meet you..." She trailed off and nervously wrung her hands.

"Tai Lung," he replied, still incredibly confused by her presence.

She seemed to perk up at his willingness to speak to her. "What a nice name! How old're you?"

"Uh... Seven..." He looked around, wondering if there were any palace attendants he could dump her off on. No such luck, as usual.

"Wow! That's a great age, a great age..." She rocked back on her feet, still awkwardly wringing her hands together.

He rolled his eyes at her, then crossed his arms, trying to look as authoritative as possible. "What do you want?" If he didn't cut to the chase soon, he would be late for training, and then he'd get yelled at again.

"Interesting question," she returned, her tone growing more confident as she spoke, "but allow me to answer with yet another question, and I ask you this: are you hungry?"

"...What?" Tai Lung again scanned the area for anyone who could be of assistance to him, but to no avail. This lady was starting to weird him out a little bit, and the last way he wanted to start his day was by throwing some crazy bum out.

She didn't seem deterred by the strange look he was giving her. "I said, are you hungry?"

"Uh..." If she turned out to be crazy, he was pretty sure he could take her. "I guess."

"Excellent!" She jumped a little bit when she said it, like it was the most exciting news she'd received in a long time. "I will make you the best breakfast you've ever eaten, trust me, it'll be like biting into a cloud, except the cloud is full of delicious food, and then you'll be all 'MMMM!'"

Tai Lung stared some more, his eyebrows raised. "Uh... Why?" Maybe it would be a good idea to just close the huge red gates right in her face and lock her out.

She remained in high spirits, though. "Well I heard that there was an opening here at the, uh, the watchamacallit-"

"Jade Palace?"

"Yeah, the Jade Palace, that's it!" She clapped her hands, as if it had been on the tip of her tongue. "I heard there was an opening for a, uh, you know, a cook. And that I could fill it up."

He watched her gesture animatedly as she spoke, his brow furrowed. "So you want a try-out?" He'd never heard of such a thing for a cook- sure, for prospective students of kung fu, but never for any kind of service position. And besides, they'd never had a cook before- not as far as he could remember.

"Yeah!" She was acting like the whole situation was completely ordinary. "Like that, a try-out."

Well, he didn't see how it could hurt; he _was_ really hungry. "O...Kay..."

"Sweet! Thanks! Seriously, thanks so much, this is really great." She pointed over his shoulder and waved her hand around a little. "Could you, um, show me where the kitchen is, maybe?"

Tai Lung sighed, his shoulders slumping; he had a feeling that he was going to get stuck with her. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

The training hall was empty. The training hall was conspicuously, abysmally empty. In fact, it showed no sign that anyone had entered yet at all, the entire morning. The Adversary was neatly tucked into a corner, the weapons rack was in perfect condition, and the Field of Fire wasn't even running.

Shifu felt his eye twitch as he took in the unusual sight- the last thing he needed this morning was to be greeted by an empty training hall. At the moment, Tai Lung was his only student, and while the decision to concentrate entirely on a single student was somewhat unusual for him, he had not regretted it. Then again, he had never found the training hall empty before. He'd had late students before, sure, but there was always at least one of them training by the time he entered in the morning. This complete lack of life in the training hall only made Tai Lung's tardiness more conspicuous.

He turned around and walked out into the training hall's courtyard, listening intently for any clues as to where his student had gotten to. Tai Lung usually never lagged in his morning chores, and there weren't many things he enjoyed doing other than kung fu. He could have stayed in his room to meditate, although he normally despised meditating, so that option was not likely. He could have gone up to the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom- though it was doubtful that he would be meditating or practicing Tai Chi with Master Oogway, and he should know better than to pick the sacred tree's peaches and eat them. There was one last possibility: he could still be in the kitchen. Tai Lung's appetite was growing by the day, so it was not uncommon to find him ransacking the kitchen cabinets in search of a snack.

Shifu glared in the direction of the barracks as his sensitive ears picked up series of clanging noises, which were most likely due to a load of pots and pans falling out of the storage closet. He wasn't sure why Tai Lung thought it appropriate to be late for his training, but whatever long-winded explanation the cub gave would not excuse him from his lateness.

The kitchen wasn't too far away, and it was a short walk there- even shorter than usual, since Shifu practically ran there. He knew that it was natural for children to crave more independence as they grew (and Master Oogway tended to pound that fact into his skull whenever he became annoyed with Tai Lung for the few times the boy talked back or wandered off), but there was a time and a place for independence, and this was not it. Tai Lung was still a child, and an only son, to boot- he needed to learn that he had responsibilities to adhere to, which were much more important than any of his impulses.

As annoyed as Shifu had been on the way to the kitchen, what really roused his ire was the discovery he made upon entering the room. Tai Lung appeared to be buried face-first in a bowl full of noodles (he was not so surprised by that part), while a tan dog in dirty, torn up peasant clothes was haphazardly scooping noodles into another bowl. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation. His most promising student ever was skipping out on training and instead eating noodles prepared by a filthy stranger. He hoped for a moment that he was just hallucinating or dreaming, but he had the sinking feeling that the sight before him was very real.

"Who are you?" His tone was perhaps harsher than it needed to be, but he felt justified.

"Oh! Uh, um..." The dog, who was rather reminiscent of a dandelion, shoved her pot of noodles onto the table and wiped her hands off on the front of her shirt. "Hi, I'm Lin, and I was, uh, just makin' some breakfast for, uhm, for Tai Lung here..." She gestured weakly at Tai Lung, who was wiping broth off his face and looking guilty. "I was, uhhh..."

"She's our new cook!" Tai Lung interjected, sounding far more excited than anyone should about a smelly vagrant in their home.

"_What?_" Shifu was less than impressed by the stranger in his kitchen, and while her food smelled decent, he had serious doubts about actually eating it. After all, he had no idea where she'd been, and she looked like a piece of rubbish dragged in off the street. "We don't need a cook! Who hired you?"

"It was, uh, that guy..." She looked at the ceiling, bouncing on her heels. "Uh, his name was-"

"Oogway!" Tai Lung cut in again. "Master Oogway hired her."

"Yep, that's the guy," she agreed.

Shifu looked back and forth between them with great skepticism; from the nervous tones of their voices and the way they both fidgeted, he somehow doubted the honesty of their words. After eyeing them both, he turned to the woman- Lin, apparently- and sharply asked, "Master Oogway hired you?"

She recoiled a bit, gulping. "Uh... Yeah?"

While he didn't like to drag Master Oogway into disputes involving Tai Lung, the situation clearly called for the old turtle's intervention. "Perhaps I should speak with him about this, then." He turned to go, but Tai Lung ran in front of him to block the doorway.

"Wait, you don't have to do that. Master Oogway's meditating anyway, he doesn't really want to be disturbed-"

"Oh, I am sure that I can make time for my old friend." As if he had been outside the door listening to the entire exchange and waiting for his cue, Master Oogway appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, smiling benignly.

Tai Lung, of course, looked horrified.

"Ah, Shifu, I see you have met our new cook." Master Oogway gestured with one long claw to the street urchin, who waved nervously.

"So... You _did_ hire her, Master?" Shifu still had great doubts about the whole affair- he couldn't very well accuse his master of lying, of course, but the man was _old_, and despite his great wisdom he had an inexplicable senile streak.

"Indeed I did," he replied casually, that benign smile ever present. "You should try some of her noodles. They are delicious!" Then, with a wink and a wave, he left the room.

"Well." To say that Shifu was not pleased by the shady new addition to the staff would be an understatement. He turned to the cook, trying not to let his eye twitch. "_You_," he growled.

"Uhhh..." was her response.

"In the future, I expect you to have breakfast ready by the ring of the gong in the morning. We eat lunch precisely at noon, and dinner at sundown. I trust that will not be a problem for you."

"Oka-"

"And for future reference, _noodles_ are not a proper morning meal," he added, just to make his disdain clear (though he was sure he had been doing a pretty good job of it so far."

"But you didn't have-"

"Tai Lung," he turned to face his student, who had been sidling toward the door in a wholly unsuccessful attempt to escape punishment.

"Yes, Master!" He bowed deeply, his tail twitching nervously.

"I expect better behavior from you in the future." Shifu kept his reprimand simple, but made the disappointment in his voice apparent. "You will show our new _cook_ to the baths, and then you will meet me in the training hall. Is that understood?"

Tai Lung gulped, knowing that "meet me in the training hall" usually preceded some of his worst punishments. "Yes, Master."

Shifu nodded curtly and headed for the moon pool; there were a few questions he needed to ask Master Oogway.

* * *

"You didn't need to do that." Lin was following Tai Lung to the bath house, lagging significantly behind as she stared at every statuary, pillar, relief carving (or anything at all really) that they passed.

"You're just lucky those noodles were good," Tai Lung muttered sullenly; he liked the lady just fine, but her meal had gotten him into pretty substantial trouble. "Besides, you're okay."

While making breakfast, Lin had lured him into conversation, and acted absolutely impressed at everything he'd told her about kung fu. Even when he'd talked about hitting the adversary, she'd made a show of saying how strong he was for his age. She had also laughed at almost everything, which had grated on him at first, but he was getting used to it.

"So your Master there thought I was pretty smelly, huh?" She laughed, yet again. "I guess I am, I haven't even seen a bath in like a month!" And then came another bark of laughter.

"Uh, yeah..." He wasn't sure how to reply to that; after all, it was true, but he couldn't exactly insult her. And he was kind of curious as to _why_ she hadn't seen a bath in so long, but he supposed that was just how things were for travelers.

"What was his name again?" she asked, turning to look over her shoulder at an empty plot of dirt as they passed.

"Master Shifu." Tai Lung shook his head, amazed at how oblivious some people could be about the world of kung fu.

"And the turtle guy?"

"Master Oogway." He never thought the day would come when he'd meet a person who'd never heard of Master Oogway. He and Master Shifu were living legends, after all. Their names were known all throughout China, and they had even met the Emperor- how could anyone be so clueless?

"All that 'Master' stuff is pretty formal, y'know. Am I supposed to call you Master Tai Lung or somethin'?" She then gave him a playful punch on the arm.

"Uh, no, I'm not a master yet." He was still a little put off by how open she was once the introductions were over with, but perhaps he just spent so much time around Master Shifu that he didn't know how regular people acted anymore. "Here's the bath house." He led her into the main hall of the small structure, relieved to be getting rid of her- he could only take so much awkward small talk.

"Well, you're still a kid, you got plenty of time..." She suddenly trailed off as she stared slack-jawed at a painting hanging on the right-hand wall of the main hall.

"Are you... Okay?" He didn't see why; it was just a plain old ink painting.

"Ahhhh..." She replied, pointing at the painting. "That's an original work of Wei-Shan, isn't it?"

Tai Lung shrugged. "I dunno..." He watched as she approached it, staring at the scroll with her face inches away from the surface; she must really like that Wei-Shan guy if she was acting so strange over one ink painting. "I'm gonna... Go now."

"Uhuh." She didn't even turn around, she was so absorbed in the thing.

He just shook his head as he left her there and headed back toward the training hall. He was somewhat amused by her behavior, until he remembered the fate that awaited him in the training hall. He groaned out loud as he imagined all the different types of punishment Master Shifu must have already thought up for him; he sincerely doubted that those noodles were worth it.

* * *

A/N: WHAT. Sorry, I can't resist the OCs. I promise that I'll try to make this self-indulgent dribble more bearable in the future.


	2. If You Can't Stand the Heat

A/N: Well hello there! And we're back, with another installment of "Blue Plate Special," also known as, "a series of awkward conversations." Now, first off, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed chapter one, and who welcomed me to the fandom. :) I also tried to be more descriptive in this here chapter. Anyway, ONWARD!

Disclaimer: Everything about Kung Fu Panda is the intellectual property of Dreamworks. That's called work for hire, kids!

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Chapter 2: If You Can't Stand the Heat, Get out of the Kitchen

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The Hall of Heroes was hands down the most ornate place in the entirety of the Jade Palace, and was the reason for the place's name to begin with. With its high ceilings, jade columns carved with dragons, and artifacts and paintings on display, it was a place of grandeur. However, it was also a place of quiet and tranquility, characterized by the Moon Pool, which Master Oogway decorated with peach blossoms every morning.

This was where Shifu found him meditating, as well. "Master Oogway," he greeted with a deep bow.

Oogway climbed down from his perch, balanced atop his staff, and gave Shifu a warm smile. "Greetings, old friend. You are looking well."

He certainly wasn't _feeling_ well. "Master, there is something I must ask you, and while I don't mean to sound-"

"You are concerned over our new cook," Oogway interrupted.

"Master, I just don't understand _why,_ if we needed a cook so badly, you would hire that _vagrant_. Did she have any references? Do you know where she came from?" Shifu could feel his fur bristling as he spoke; he couldn't understand why his Master would so flippantly add an obviously unqualified, and downright suspicious person to the staff.

"My friend, you are far too concerned with appearances." He reached out with his staff and gently touched the surface of the Moon Pool with it. "Look at these ripples."

Shifu watched as they gently grew, until they reached the edges of the Moon Pool and disappeared. "Uh..." He wasn't sure exactly which mystical life lesson he was supposed to glean from them.

"They start out so small, and grow so large. Just as a single act of kindness is capable of making a huge impact." Oogway smiled at him again.

"I... Understand, Master," he sighed.

Oogway nodded. "Good, Shifu. Good."

Shifu felt his stomach turn, but resisted the urge to frown in front of Oogway. It appeared that, like it or not, the cook was staying.

* * *

Tai Lung slumped in his chair, every muscle aching. Master Shifu had worked him to the bone the day before, and he hadn't even been that late for his training.

"Good morning." Lin put a plate piled with fresh fruit and tofu in front of him, looking nervous. "I'm not a morning person, actually."

"Me neither," he replied, shoving fruit in his mouth with his bare hands.

"Where's everyone else?" She gave his hand a light smack and handed him a pair of chopsticks.

He glared at her, annoyed, but took them anyway. "Master Shifu should be here to pick up his breakfast any minute. Master Oogway takes care of his own meals, if he even eats at all."

"And that's it?" She narrowed her eyes, lifting one side of her upper lip.

Tai Lung snorted at the expression. "Well, yeah! The servants take care of their own food, too, so you're pretty much just cooking for the three of us."

"And you said Shifu just... Picks up his food? He won't eat at the table?" Her expression remained.

"Call him _Master_ Shifu or he'll get mad." Tai Lung shoveled some tofu into his mouth. "What did you do to this tofu?"

"I just grilled it with the fruit and some mint. So you all just... Eat alone?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

"It sounds lonely to me." She walked back to the stove, grabbing a plate. "I mean, eating alone just never feels like a real meal to me. It's less like I'm enjoying a meal and more like I'm just eating to survive, y'know?" She set a plate full of food down at the table next to him, placing a cloth napkin and a pair of chopsticks alongside the plate. "Want some tea?"

"Sure," he managed to get out around a mouthful of fruit.

Lin somehow produced two teacups, pouring a sweet-smelling tea into each of them and positioning them neatly in front of their respective place settings.

"How come you're not sitting down?" he asked as he grabbed for his tea.

"That's not my place setting," she replied.

Tai Lung shook his head. "You're just gonna start a fight."

"It's just a suggestion," she whispered, patting him on the back.

"Good morning." Master Shifu suddenly appeared at the door, everything about him radiating his dislike toward the current situation.

Tai Lung stood and bowed. "Good morning, Master." Maybe if he was extra disciplined he could get his Master into a better mood.

"G'mornin'," Lin muttered shyly, to Tai Lung's surprise. "Breakfast is, uhm, ready." She pointed to the place she'd set at the table.

The expression on Master Shifu's face was identical to what it had been the previous day. Tai Lung wondered if he would even eat the food she'd prepared, although to be fair she _had_ cleaned up significantly. She wasn't the prettiest girl Tai Lung had ever seen, but she looked healthy: her fur was now soft and fluffy, her teeth were clean and white, her pointed ears were perked up in an alert and friendly way, and most importantly, she didn't smell anymore.

"I see," Master Shifu finally said. He picked up the breakfast and utensils and, nodding to Tai Lung, left the kitchen.

Lin calmly watched him do this, then walked to the door and peeked out. After a moment, she turned to Tai Lung and made that disgusted face again. "How rude!"

Tai Lung nearly snorted tea out of his nose. After he managed to swallow his drink and calm down, he replied. "He probably heard that."

"With those honkin' ears, I'd believe it."

"That's horrible!" But he laughed. "He probably heard that, too."

"The first thing that you need to learn about women, my young friend, is that they only insult people behind their backs." She made herself a plate and sat down at the table with him. "It's just our way. Besides, it's more polite to be nice to a person's face, even if you hate him."

He watched as she devoured her breakfast like it was the first decent meal she'd ever eaten. "So you hate Master Shifu?"

"I never said that." She grabbed a cup of tea and drank it all in one go. "I'm just sayin' he ain't giving me much to work with."

"He'll warm up to you... But you have to know him really well to be able to tell that he's warming up to you."

"You mean he acts like that all the time?"

"Yeah."

Lin started giggling. "Oh, _God_."

"It's not that funny." He finished up his breakfast about the same time that she did, and helped clear the table. "I'd better get to the training hall. If I'm late again I'm really gonna get it."

"Good luck, kid." She handed him a peach. "Snacks keep your energy up."

He waved as he ran to the training hall, hoping his soreness would go away. Or maybe he would work so hard that he'd go numb. Either one would be good.

* * *

Lin looked up at the one thousand steps that led up to the Jade Palace, and then at the basket of groceries she'd gone into the village to buy. "There needs to be a better way to get up there," she muttered, opting to climb up the mountainside instead. She'd always hated stairs, with a passion.

Halfway up the mountain she stopped to have a snack. She glanced up the intimidating slope as she chewed on a pear, wondering what she'd gotten herself into. It wasn't like she'd had much of a choice. It was either find a live-in job or live on the streets, and the only place in the valley that offered live-in positions for servants was the Jade Palace. And the only skill she really had to offer an employer was cooking. If she were to be perfectly honest with herself, Shifu's reaction to her was what she'd been expecting. To actually be hired was last on her list of possibilities, and she definitely hadn't thought there'd be a kid living up there.

She shook her head, talking to herself as she was wont to do. "A _kid_, of all things..." She wondered where his parents were, if he even had any. With a shrug, she discarded the core of the pear and continued up the mountain.

By the time she'd made it back to the Jade Palace with her groceries, she was panting and heaving, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. She headed straight to the kitchen to brew some tea; it was about an hour and a half until lunch, and she figured that sucking up really couldn't hurt her situation at the moment.

She was soon heading toward the training hall with a tray laden with freshly brewed tea, a bowl of almonds, and a little bit of honey. However, she found the front doors closed, and didn't want to make another awkward impression on her new employers. She also didn't think it would look to good if Shifu saw her put the tray on the ground. She tried to push the door open, but she would have to use the handle. She tried to position the tray on one knee so she could hold it steady with one hand, but the cups rattled ominously and the container of honey slid toward the end of the tray. "Shit!"

"Curious about the training hall?"

Lin nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of the voice behind her. With a small squeak she whirled around, managing to keep the tea from spilling. "Master Oogway!" She knew that she should bow, but she didn't want to spill the tea. Instead, she managed an awkward nod of her head. "Hi! Hello. Hi. Um, yeah, I was gonna bring tea..."

He just smiled at her.

"D'you want some?"

"Why thank you." He gently lifted a cup from her tray and took a sip. "Ah, how lovely. You have a real talent, my friend."

"Aw, thanks. I mean, shucks, it's just tea, I didn't do anything special..." She shifted uncomfortably. Tai Lung had told her that this turtle invented kung fu and was almost a thousand years old, yet he acted so casually. She wasn't quite sure how to act around him. He'd probably also heard her curse.

"Allow me to open the door for you," he offered, and she stepped aside for him, muttering another thanks.

"Master Oogway!" Shifu bowed deeply when they entered, and Tai Lung immediately ran over to them and bowed as well.

Lin just stared at the training hall. She could imagine a master of kung fu making his way through the swinging spiked clubs, the twisted rotating branches, the spiked crocodile dummies, and- _a floor spouting fire?_ She could see a child of Tai Lung's age training with the squishy-looking dummy in the corner of the room, or maybe the jade bowl-looking thingy she caught sight of, but when she had entered with Oogway, Tai Lung had been beating on one of the spiked crocodiles.

"Is there something wrong?" The acidic tone of Shifu's voice snapped her out of it.

"I, uh..." She could feel her face heating up as all three of them stared at her expectantly. "Tea?" She held out the tray, and Tai Lung was immediately drinking a cup of tea and shoving almonds into his mouth.

"Thanks!" He sprayed a few crumbs in her direction, but she didn't mind.

Shifu was glaring at her... Again. "I would appreciate it," he managed to say somewhat politely, probably because of Oogway's presence, "if you did not interrupt Tai Lung's training."

"Ah, that was entirely my fault," Oogway answered before she could say anything. "Lin was kind enough to make you and Tai Lung some tea, and I told her it would be fine to interrupt you."

She tried not to laugh at how embarrassed Shifu looked upon hearing Oogway's explanation. It sounded like the kind of guilt tactic her mother used to use on her. "Do you, uh...?" She held up the tray, attempting a friendly smile.

Shifu made no effort to return her smile, but took a cup of tea. He seemed surprised upon tasting it, which made her feel rather smug.

"I'll just... Leave this here." She looked around for a place to put the tray, but Tai Lung took it from her and set it down near a rack full of weapons. "Right. See you at lunch, then, I guess." She made a break for it; she liked Tai Lung and Oogway alright, but as far as she was concerned, the less time she spent in the same room as Shifu the better.

* * *

"So what's that thing called again?"

"The Jade Tortoise Shell," Tai Lung replied, eagerly devouring Lin's lunch of chickpeas and vegetables as they sat at the kitchen table together. "You have to balance on the edge while you fight someone else or do kung fu moves or something."

"Right." She took a long swig of tea. "So is this okay for a kung fu type diet? I mean, I'm not doing anything too incredibly wrong, am I?"

"If Master Shifu hasn't said anything about it, then it must be fine."

"Okay, good." She played around with the scraps on her plate (she'd been done eating before he'd even sat down) and stared off into the distance. "How'd you get to be a kung fu kid, anyway?"

Tai Lung shrugged. "I was good at it, so Master Shifu decided to train me."

"Yeah, but how'd you get to meet him, then?" She brought her teacup to her mouth again, gulping down the contents.

"Well, he found me when I was a baby and..." He shrugged again. "He took me in."

Lin choked on her tea, coughing loudly and hitting herself in the chest. "He's your _dad?_" she managed to rasp out.

"Well... Yeah." He watched her gulp down more tea in an effort to soothe her throat. "It's not that unusual."

"I... I guess not." She took a few deep breaths. "But he's so... Strict."

"Some fathers are like that." Tai Lung sipped his tea, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, yeah." She tapped her fingers on the table. "I guess you could say my mom was kinda like that."

"I don't think there's anyone on the entire planet who's stricter than Master Shifu," he grumbled, taking one last sip of tea.

"I heard that."

Which he promptly spit across the room. "Master Shifu!" He stood up and bowed, his heart practically punching a hole through his chest. "I- I didn't know you were... I mean..." He trailed off, blushing as he heard Lin snort with laughter. He wondered if it was okay to stand up straight yet.

"I suppose you didn't," Master Shifu replied in his usual clipped tones. "But how could I _not_ hear you, with my 'honking ears'?"

Lin's chuckling came to an immediate stop.

Tai Lung wasn't sure if it was the right time to straighten up or not, but he did anyway; he wanted to see what was going on. He tried not to seem too curious as he glanced between his master and Lin.

She looked like she wanted to crawl under the table and never come back out.

Master Shifu looked like he wouldn't have a problem with that course of action.

"I, uh..." she finally choked out. "...Made a plate for you." She clasped her hands tightly, her eyes darting around the room, apparently waiting for a reply.

Master Shifu just stood there, stone-faced.

"Okay then..." Her voice was getting quieter by the second as she grabbed the plate she'd left at the end of the table and held it out to him. "Here you go."

He grabbed the plate from her, his expression completely unchanged, and left the kitchen.

Tai Lung dropped back into his chair, slumping as he let out the breath he'd been holding. "That was... _Awful_."

"Oh dear God." Lin covered her face with her hands and leaned her elbows on the table. And then she giggled.

"How can you _laugh?_" He pushed his food away, no longer hungry. "That was _terrifying!_"

"Sorry, sorry." She leaned back in her chair, scratching behind her ear. "Can you even believe that happened?" She shook her head. "He _really_ hates me." She laughed again.

"I don't get you. You weren't scared of being fired?"

"Yeah I was! But the giggling's a nervous habit. Can't help it." She began scratching the back of her neck. "The scratching is, too."

"I hope I don't get in trouble for saying that..." He could feel his stomach sinking because he knew that yes, he would indeed get in trouble, the moment he stepped into the training hall.

"You can blame it on me, if you want."

"Nah, I can't." Tai Lung passed her his plate when she stood up and started clearing off the table. "He'd never believe me."

"Well, I'll have a delicious dinner ready for you, so at least you got that to look forward to." She gave him a pat on the shoulder as he left the kitchen, but it didn't really do much to help his nerves.

* * *

Lin sighed to herself as she finished washing dishes; dinner had been more of the same routine. She sat and ate with Tai Lung while Shifu grabbed some food and ran off with it. She didn't understand why the guy refused to eat with his own son; Tai Lung was a fun kid, although he acted disturbingly mature for his age. She'd taken a break after dinner to contemplate her new situation, and she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Perhaps she was thinking too much; it wasn't like she was going to live there for the rest of her life.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of a throat clearing, and turned to see Shifu standing in the doorway, with his empty plate in hand. It was an unexpected sight, to say the least. "Um, hello." She wondered if she should brace herself for some type of tirade, or maybe a threat.

"I thought you would be done cleaning by now," he replied tightly.

"Oh." She tried to think of something slightly more intelligent to say. "I'm... not."

"So I see."

It was the longest conversation they'd had so far, and she couldn't honestly say that she was enjoying it. "...D'you, uh, wanna gimme that plate?" She was surprised that she was able to speak with even a remote amount of confidence in his presence. Shifu was the kind of person who had a knack for making others feel about an inch tall, which was something she'd been able to detect upon first sight.

"I can take care of it myself, thank you." He was acting like she didn't know how to wash a dish; she let out an annoyed snort.

"So..." She trailed off, watching him just... Stand there. "You're... Uh..." She gestured in a circular motion. "Just standing there?"

"I will wait until you finish." He drummed his fingers on the plate, making no move to leave.

She wondered if this was supposed to be some kind of challenge, or dominance thing. She'd never met a kung fu master before, so she wasn't sure exactly how to handle one. She supposed she could have just treated him like a regular guy, but then she would probably be fired. "Right." She decided to play it cool; she only had a couple of dishes left. Still, she hated being watched, even for such a simple task. Maybe if she tried to actually start a conversation, he'd warm up to her a little, like Tai Lung had said. "So... Tai Lung's your son, huh?" It was as good a place to start as any, she supposed.

"Yes," Shifu replied curtly.

She waited for elaboration, but got none. "...And you... uh... Teach him kung fu?"

"Yes." He wasn't giving her much to go on.

"...Just Tai Lung?" She started scrubbing faster; the more time she spent in the guy's presence, the more she wanted to jump out a window just to get away from him.

"Yes."

It wasn't so much that she disliked him as it was that he very obviously disliked her, for no discernible reason. "Fascinating," she muttered under her breath, realizing belatedly that he had probably heard the sarcastic comment.

"Are you done yet?" he snapped.

"Almost." She kept her voice as calm as possible. She dried her last plate, returned it to its rightful shelf, and turned toward the doorway, where Shifu still stood. "I'm done." She watched him walk to the sink, completely ignoring her. The urge struck her to make sure he didn't do anything to mess up her new system of organization, but it occurred to her that it would probably come off as obsessive.

Instead, she decided that it would be best to take a walk through the grounds of the Jade Palace and familiarize herself with the place. Maybe she would have some dessert, too.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's the end of that. I'm trying to keep the chapters shorter for this fic, since it's easier for me to write and I'll be able to update more often (always a difficulty for me).


	3. Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth

A/N: Oogway finally gets some screen time! Yay!

* * *

Chapter 3: Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth

* * *

The Jade Palace was home to magnificent architecture, statuary that impressed with both great size and minute detail, skillfully carved reliefs depicting everything from a quiet moment of meditation to the crowded frenzy of battle. All of this was accentuated by the careful application of saturated color, garnished with gold and jade. None of the man-made beauty of the Jade Palace, however, could be fully appreciated in the dark.

That was why Lin found herself paying closer attention to the natural beauty of the place. She was heading for one peach tree in particular, growing on an elevated piece of land that overlooked the entire valley. The tree itself was laden with pink blossoms and large, ripe peaches, the sight of which made her mouth water even after a large dinner. Well, she had never seen anything wrong with dessert, so she climbed the stairs to the tree with renewed energy at the thought of harvesting the fruit.

However, once she reached the top of the stairs, she had doubts about whether it would be appropriate to harvest some dessert. Master Oogway was practicing some form of kung fu she wouldn't have been able to name if her life had depended on it; it was slow, deliberate, and looked more like a form of relaxation than anything meant for combat. She would have turned around and left right there, but he paused in his practice and called out to her.

"Ah, Lin, what brings you to the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom tonight?" He smiled warmly at her, a gesture she was sure was supposed to put her at ease. It wasn't something she was used to, though, and it had the opposite affect on her.

"I, um..." Not to mention that this peach tree was apparently both sacred and heavenly, something she hadn't known when she'd picked its fruit for breakfast. "Well, you know... The view." She gestured lamely to the Valley of Peace, laid out before them like an ink painting.

"It is indeed a beautiful sight," he agreed, nodding his head.

"So..." She grasped for a subject to discuss. "You, uh, like peach trees?"

"I do," he replied. "And peaches, as well." He winked at her, picking up his staff and tapping the trunk of the tree with it.

The significance of the motion was lost on her until a peach dropped into her hands and she felt herself blush, embarrassed. "I, uh, didn't know the tree was sacred..."

"It is quite alright, my friend!" He let out a throaty chuckle, which did put her more at ease. "What better way to appreciate the circle of life than to take part in it?"

"Agreed." She bit into the peach, relishing every moment; the tree produced hands down the best peaches she had ever tasted in her life. "So, uh, Master Oogway-"

"You do not need to address me as 'Master' if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Okay, thanks. So, uh, Oogway... You made up kung fu?"

"I did. I wished for a way to protect those who could not protect themselves."

"That's, uh, cool..." She wiped some peach juice away from her mouth, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"I built the Jade Palace here not only as a school of kung fu," he continued, "but also as a sanctuary for those with nowhere else to turn."

She blushed again, picking up on the meaning of his statement immediately. "You didn't really need a cook," she sighed. She had known that before she'd even shown up at their doors.

Oogway chuckled. "I think that while you are here you will find that this is much more than even a sanctuary."

"Eh?"

"You have a good night, and enjoy the view," he concluded, grinning at her once more as he walked past her and down the steps.

"Right. G'night." She stared after him, her eyebrows raised. She'd known already that Oogway was the mystical, cryptically wise type, but it was still pretty off-putting.

Still, she liked riddles, and she sat down on the edge of the outlook, chewing thoughtfully on her peach. Maybe he was talking about Tai Lung and Shifu. They were a family, technically, and they called the Jade Palace home. She still couldn't see how Shifu in any way even resembled a father, but perhaps there was something there that she wasn't seeing. If that was the case, it was probably because of Shifu's unreasonable hatred toward her.

Or maybe she was just biased toward her own traditions. It had definitely surprised her that everyone in the Jade Palace ate alone, but then again Shifu trained Tai Lung all day. Still, kung fu training hardly sounded to her like a relaxed atmosphere in which a father and son bonded. She had heard stories of people bonding most during hardship, but she doubted that was the case.

She decided to meddle. It wasn't normally a habit of hers, but she really liked the kid, and he seemed kind of lonely to her. It was strange, actually. She normally avoided kids at all cost, and the last time she'd tried her hand at babysitting the children had banded together to beat the pulp out of her. She was getting to the age when women usually started having children, so it was probably hormones. In any case, the kid had helped her get a job at the Jade Palace to begin with, so she owed it to him to meddle.

And meddle she would.

* * *

Tai Lung shuffled into the kitchen with a loud yawn, grabbing the back of his chair. His breakfast was ready and waiting for him, but as he looked around the room, he didn't see Lin anywhere. A creak of the floorboards, however, revealed that she was behind him.

"Good morning!" she practically shouted, slapping him on the back.

"What is it?" he watched her heap rice porridge and sliced peaches into a bowl; he didn't know very much about Lin, but it was easy to see that she had something up her sleeve.

"I have an idea," Lin told Tai Lung as soon as he sat down at the table.

"Oh no," he groaned, knowing that whatever she suggested was bound to end badly.

"Oh yes." She set another bowl down next to him, setting the place. "Here's how it's gonna go down: I leave the kitchen, right?"

"I don't even know what you're planning," he replied.

"Right," she answered for him. "Then Shifu's gonna come in to grab his breakfast, see?"

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"And _then_ you ask him to eat breakfast with you!" She slammed her hands down on the table. "It's fool-proof!"

"In what way is that fool-proof, or even a plan?" He pushed his chair back, ready to bolt from the room.

"Wait, wait, I _promise_ it'll work!" She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him a little. "You can do it! You got a weapon the power of which is unrivaled by even the mightiest sword!"

"I do?" He was a little curious about _that_ part, he had to admit.

"You _do!_ You have the cute little kitten look! Just shoot one straight at Shifu, and he'll crumble like a shitty old building. Or something. Don't tell Shifu I said 'shit' in front of you. Twice."

"First of all, I'm not going to give him a 'cute little kitten' look." He held out his hand so he could tick off his points as he spoke. "Second, even if I did it wouldn't work. Third, what gave you the idea that I even wanted to eat breakfast with Master Shifu in the first place?"

"So you two can share the beautiful and mystical bond between a father and a son," she replied casually. "Good luck!" She ran out of the kitchen, and before Tai Lung could follow her, he heard her say, "Oh, uh, g'morning, I was just, um, leaving. For a while. A long while." And he had one guess as to whom she was saying it.

"Good morning, Tai Lung," Master Shifu gave his usual formal greeting as he entered the kitchen.

"Good morning, Master." Tai Lung jumped out of his chair to bow. And then, for reasons unfathomable to him, he went ahead with Lin's stupid plan. "Will you be joining me for breakfast, Master Shifu?" He remained standing, in case he needed to block the door.

He paused, his hand outstretched toward the bowl Lin had left for him.

Tai Lung did his best to look adorable. "It's alright if you _can't_-"

"Of course I will," Master Shifu huffed, taking a seat. He drummed his fingers on the table, staring at his porridge.

Tai Lung sat down, wondering whether or not it was okay to take the first bite. He settled on sipping some tea, watching carefully for a negative reaction.

"So!"

He jumped at his master's sudden exclamation.

"It's... Morning."

"Uh... Yes?" He was getting kind of hungry.

"Right." Master Shifu finally picked up his chopsticks and dug in, which was simultaneously a relief and an unbelievable sight to behold. He ate even faster than Lin did, and twice as neatly.

Tai Lung dug in as well, worried that he would be expected to finish his meal at the same time.

"How, um, did you sleep last night?"

The attempt at small talk caught him off guard. "Good," he replied simply.

"Good," Master Shifu replied awkwardly. He tapped his fingers on the table.

Tai Lung continued to eat.

"I'll see you in the training hall." Master Shifu got up from the table, nodding to him.

"Yes, Master," he replied, relaxing the moment his master had left the room. If eating together became a regular thing, he was going to have to start skipping meals.

* * *

Shifu stepped out into the courtyard, suppressing a groan when he caught sight of Lin, shuffling toward the barracks kitchen, hunched over with two baskets overflowing with groceries. He knew immediately that he would have to help her with the groceries, but there was something about her he just didn't like. Perhaps it was that she was a vagrant off the street, most likely just looking for some quick money. Still, she was obviously struggling and he couldn't ignore her. He approached as she set the baskets down on the ground, grimacing, and massaged her fingers.

"Hi," she greeted as he approached, visibly shrinking in his presence.

He rolled his eyes. "What did you buy?"

"Eh?" She looked down into the baskets. "Uh... Potatoes. And, um, oil... Vinegar... Stuff like that."

No wonder she was struggling. "Here, I'll get it." He glanced up at her as he reached for the baskets; she was staring at him, dumbfounded. "What?"

"I- uh- th-thanks. Thanks." She smiled nervously at him.

He would have replied, but at the sound of flapping wings he let go of the groceries and straightened up.

"Agh!" Lin jumped back, her arms raised to shield her head as the Jade Palace's messenger, Yu, landed right in front of her. "What the _balls?_"

Shifu shot a glare in her direction, and she snapped her mouth shut, looking sheepish.

The goose brushed himself off and bowed, a few feathers falling out as he did so. "Master Shifu, good afternoon," he greeted briskly.

Shifu nodded at him. "Yu, what has happened?"

"Actually, Master Shifu, I wanted to ask you for the weekend off."

"What could you _possibly_ need the whole weekend for?"

"My wife and I- well- our eggs are hatching."

Shifu's mouth fell open as Lin gave Yu a hearty pat on the back. "Uh, yes, of course," he sputtered. "Congratulations."

"Mosseltov!" Lin shouted, for some reason.

"Thank you, Master Shifu!" Yu bowed gratefully, backing away a few steps before flying off.

Shifu waved weakly after him, realizing belatedly that Lin was giving him a very strange look; her eyebrows were raised, and one side of her mouth was twitching. "_What?_" he demanded, straightening up.

"Nothing," she replied quickly. "I-I didn't say anything."

He let his suspicion show, but instead of pursuing the subject picked up her grocery baskets and headed for the kitchen.

"Thanks," she squeaked out again, following after him. "You, uh... You're pretty strong for a... Uh..." She paused for a long time as they walked, and Shifu resisted the urge to put the baskets down and just walk away. "Uh... A lemur?"

"Red panda," he grumbled.

"Sorry, I um... Sorry." She glanced over at him, her eyes narrowed. "...Panda?"

"Red pandas are different from _regular_ pandas," he ground out, picking up speed. The sooner he could drop the groceries off in the kitchen, the better.

"Oh, okay." She reached up and scratched behind her ear. "Yeah." She trotted ahead of him as they reached the barracks, and to his surprise, held the door for him. "Thanks, again, for helping."

"How did you get up the stairs?" The thought had just struck him.

"Very slowly," she replied, opening the door to the kitchen for him as well.

He almost grinned at the comment. _Almost_. When he set the baskets down on the table, he wondered if it would be alright to leave, or if he should stay to help her put the groceries away.

She made the decision for him when she started grabbing things from the basket and shooed him away. "You can go on, I got this."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." She scratched the back of her neck, smiling again.

"Okay." He glanced back at her as he walked out; it was the first time she'd ever spoken to him without stuttering or pausing awkwardly.

* * *

A/N: That's it for now. I'll be returning to school this semester (hooray, a 6 hour drive tomorrow), so expect the frequency of updates to drop. However, one of my goals this semester is to keep writing. Along with an insane number of other tasks. I'll be aiming for a biweekly schedule; wish me luck!


	4. A Waist is a Terrible Thing to Mind

A/N: Chapter fooouuuur yeah! Today's lesson shall be "Time Lapses: the Other White Meat." I want to once again thank you awesomepants readers, reviewers, favoriters, watchers, other types of -ers. You guys keep me young.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is property of Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 4: A Waist is a Terrible Thing to Mind

* * *

The Hall of Heroes was as quiet and tranquil as it always was- except for one big difference. Shifu's eye twitched when he caught sight of Lin standing mere inches away from a nearby painting, her eyes wide and unblinking. He looked around the hall, but he was the only witness to the oddity. He walked up behind her and waited to be noticed, and when that didn't happen, he cleared his throat.

She jumped away from the painting and spun around to face him, a guilty look on her face. "Oh, hello," she choked out, then fell silent.

Shifu glared. "What were you doing to that painting?"

"Uh... Looking... At it?" She wrung her hands together and seemed to shrink a little.

"Have you any idea of the _value_ of that painting?" While his concern for the painting was genuine, he was also relishing the opportunity to scold her. There was just something about Lin that rubbed him the wrong way. "What you are standing before is a depiction of Master Flying Rhino reaching a state of-"

"I know," she interrupted, her voice barely audible.

"_What?_" Maybe it was the way she made comments like that, but didn't intend anyone to hear them that angered him so much.

"I, uh... I know," she repeated louder, sounding sheepish. "It's eighty years old. It's unique among Chinese scroll painting of its time because Master Chen, the artist, signed his name directly onto the scroll, a practice that he himself popularized in the Eastern Hemisphere." She reached up and scratched behind her ear, blushing.

Shifu took a step back, narrowing his eyes. "How do you know all that?" he barked, straightening himself and crossing his arms behind his back.

"Uh, I, um..." Her eyes darted around the room, completely avoiding him.

"Well? Who told you that?"

"Uh... Nunya?"

"_Who?_" he demanded firmly, taking some pleasure in watching her grasp for straws.

"Nunya business," she finished in a tiny voice.

Shifu's ears flattened against the back of his head, and he was about to chew her up and spit her back out when a friendly voice called from the entrance to the hall.

"Why hello, my friends!" Oogway shuffled toward them, smiling as warmly as if he'd just seen them put their differences aside and become best friends. "Ah, I see you are admiring Master Chen's painting of Master Flying Rhino." He stopped next to them and pointed up at the scroll with his staff. "Did you know that Master Chen was the first known artist in China to visibly sign his paintings?"

"Yeah," Lin answered instantly.

Shifu glared at her some more.

"An interesting fact indeed," Oogway sighed. "Though I am surprised to see the two of you here in the Hall of Heroes. Isn't it about time for lunch?"

"Yeah, I'll bet Tai Lung's pretty hungry by now." Lin's concern for Tai Lung only annoyed Shifu more.

"You haven't started lunch yet?" he asked, his eyes narrowed.

"I finished it... Actually." She took a step away from him. "I think I'll go, uh... Set the table." She practically ran from the hall, and good riddance.

"Master," Shifu started the moment she was gone, "I just don't know if we can trust her."

"Ah, but do we ever know if another is trustworthy?" Oogway smiled down at him. "My friend, trust is not the responsibility of others, but your own responsibility. It is up to you to trust."

"But Master-"

"Trust, Shifu."

He fell silent, knowing that the conversation was over for Oogway. His Master spoke of trust so easily, as if it were a decision as simple as what to wear for the day. Still, he had taken a vow to obey his Master, and so... He supposed he had to at least _try_. It wouldn't be easy, though.

* * *

Lin sat in her room, a pile of coins in front of her, a piece of blank paper and a brush and ink at hand. She had been working at the Jade Palace for a little more than a week, and in addition to room, board, and free food, she was being provided with a modest salary. She would have probably been able to make more money out on the streets, begging and performing tricks. However, she enjoyed having a roof over her head and three square meals a day; she also enjoyed the company of Oogway and Tai Lung, more than she'd admit out loud. Shifu, however, was the kind of person who took some getting used to.

She finished counting her money, then grabbed her writing utensils and began to calculate. If she only ate once a day, stopped to beg at every town she passed, slept outdoors, and never bought anything but the most meager provisions possible... She would have enough money saved up for a journey in about a month and a half.

"Dammit," she cursed, leaning back and rubbing at her face. Patience was a virtue, but the thought of spending so much time in the Valley of Peace made her nervous. Maybe if she took some food from them before she left...

No, there was no changing the facts. She could always search for a new job in a new place, but there was no guarantee that the job would come with the kind of cushy working conditions this one provided. She even had a room in the barracks (in order to be close to the kitchen). And it _had_ been a while since she'd been able to live so decadently.

She returned the coins to their hiding place, then went about cleaning up her writing supplies. "Face it, you're stuck," she muttered to herself.

Suddenly, there was a knock at her door. She jumped at the sound; dinner had ended a couple of hours ago, so she couldn't possibly guess what anyone would want from her.

"Hold on," she called out, glancing around at the papers scattered about the room. Perhaps it would be best if she met whoever it was in the hallway. She straightened herself out as much as possible, trying to rub the ink stains on her hands off on the inside of her sleeves. Then, she opened her door only wide enough for her to slip through, shutting it tightly behind her. She blinked in surprise to see Tai Lung standing there.

"Hi," he greeted, his arms folded behind him, the stance he usually took when addressing Shifu.

"Whatsamatter, kid?" She was certain there must have been something wrong, since Tai Lung had never sought her out past meal times before.

"I, uh... Well, I couldn't concentrate on my meditation." He shifted uncomfortably. "Would you make me something to eat?"

"Jeez, kid, that's it? You can find something to eat on your own, can't you?"

He stared down at his feet, sighing. "Yeah, but..."

Lin remembered enough of her own childhood to know that the statement would end with "but I want _you_ to do it."

"...Nevermind," he muttered.

"Wait a minute there, kid." She gave him a firm pat on the arm. "C'mon, I'll scrounge something up."

"Yeah?" The way he cheered up at that was worth the trouble of reopening the kitchen for business.

"Yeah," she replied, leading the way. "What're you in the mood for?"

"I don't know... Something sweet, I guess."

"You're in luck," she informed him loftily as they entered the kitchen. "It just so happens that _I_ am a master of dessert." She started rummaging around in the cabinets while Tai Lung took a seat. "What about poached pears?" she pondered aloud, eyeing the cabinet she had decided to dedicate to liquor and wine. "Nah, too fancy."

"Well what kind of fruit did you buy today?" he prompted.

"Apples... But I don't like those so much, I only got 'em 'cause..." She trailed off, frowning. She only bought apples because Shifu liked apples, and for some reason, she was still trying to suck up. "Whatever. Then there's oranges, but the way I like oranges-" soaked in whiskey- "you're not allowed to have. So that leaves... Bananas!"

Tai Lung jumped a little when she shouted. "What's so great about bananas?"

"Don't you see, man?" She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him; _that_ got the kid laughing. "I can make bananas foster!"

"What's that?" He turned in his chair to watch her gather ingredients.

"Pretty much just pure sugar," she replied. "Now that's _my_ kind of dessert, am I right?"

Tai Lung nodded, grinning. "Yeah, you're right."

* * *

After nightfall, the barracks were usually silent, the residents in deep meditation. This was how Shifu normally spent his evenings. He sat in his room, breathing deeply as the tranquil darkness of complete relaxation overtook him.

And then, an annoyingly loud laugh broke his concentration.

He kept his eyes closed, willing himself to relax again; it was just one laugh, nothing to get angry over. He took a deep breath and-

"Agh!"

This time, he snapped his eyes open. That had definitely been Tai Lung's voice; Tai Lung, who was supposed to be meditating in his room this late at night.

"_Tickle fight!_"

He groaned to himself, reaching up to massage his temples. _Of course_. With a heavy sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and headed for the kitchen. It seemed like the longer Lin stayed with them, the more time he spent in the kitchen. As he approached, it appeared that the tickle fight had ended, and he could hear snippets of conversation.

"So what kind of dog _are_ you, anyway?"

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that. I'm a mutt, in every sense of the word."

Shifu walked into the kitchen, then reached up and gripped his forehead in pure frustration. Tai Lung and Lin were both sprawled _on top of_ the kitchen table, the table at which they ate, and giggling. "What is going on here?" he grumbled.

They both immediately scrambled off the table, Tai Lung bowing while Lin stuttered out a series of unintelligible noises.

Tai Lung straightened up and stood with his arms folded behind him, then glanced back at Lin, who was looking more and more like she was going to melt into the floor. "Would you like some dessert, Master?" he offered.

Shifu blinked in surprise. "Dessert?" Since when had anyone at the Jade Palace ever eaten dessert? "If you were hungry, you should have eaten more at dinner."

Lin snorted as she fumbled with a pan and a plate. "Dessert's not about being hungry," she muttered to herself.

"Eating is about hunger," Shifu snapped at her, annoyed. "Food is fuel, you eat to survive."

Lin walked up to the table, loudly set a plate down in the spot Shifu had been occupying during meals as of late, and dropped a spoon next to it. "Please try some." She spoke quietly and politely, a stark contrast to her actions.

He glared at her, sensing the challenge she'd put forth. With that one dish, she was fighting for control over the kitchen; if he ate it and enjoyed it, he would be conceding.

"It's really good," Tai Lung vouched. "You should try it, Master." He obviously had no idea what was at stake.

Shifu weighed his options; he had to admit, Lin's cooking had been good so far. Even better than good. Her food was simple and robust, an obvious reflection of her roots as a peasant, probably the daughter of a farmer. This dessert, however, was different. It was meant solely for indulgence, he could already tell from the sweet aroma wafting toward him. Slowly, he approached the table and sat down. He picked up the spoon and glanced at Tai Lung, who gave him an encouraging nod. Then, he tasted it.

His experience with the opposite sex was limited; he'd had his short romances as a young man, flings really, and he'd known what had ultimately been puppy love. With that knowledge in hand, he could safely say that if he never so much as smelled another woman for the rest of his life, he would be _great_, as long as he had this dessert. "What is this?" he asked, staring down at it.

"Bananas foster," Lin replied smugly; she could obviously tell that he'd enjoyed it immensely.

"It's... Good," he admitted grudgingly.

"Thank you." She smiled tightly.

"Can I have more?" Tai Lung asked her quietly.

"No, you'll never get to bed with all that sugar in you." She returned to the stove. "Have some herbal tea, that'll make you plenty sleepy."

Before Tai Lung had a chance to protest, she was shoving a steaming hot cup of tea into his hands.

Shifu had to admit, he was a little bit impressed by the authority in her voice when she spoke to Tai Lung; impressed enough, at least, that he decided not to say anything about her mothering _his_ son.

She placed a cup of tea in front of him, as well, without even asking if he wanted any.

Although he _could_ go for some tea. "Tai Lung, it _is_ getting rather late," he scolded as he tasted the tea; it was light and floral, but not sweet. "Once you're done with that tea, get to bed."

"You don't want me to stay up and meditate?" he asked hopefully, most likely looking for an excuse to stay up. He glanced at Lin, who was washing dishes.

"Don't look at me," she said.

"Aw, okay," he finally agreed, downing his tea. "I'll go to bed." He slunk out of the room, looking dejected.

Shifu realized belatedly that this left him (once again) alone in the kitchen with Lin. He wondered if he could beat a quick retreat, but he hadn't finished his tea or his... Dessert. Instead, he found himself sitting in awkward silence, eating while Lin cleaned up. Still, he couldn't think of anything to say, nor did he even want to say anything.

He finished up the admittedly extraordinary dessert, unfortunately, and before he could even stand up Lin grabbed his plate and washed it for him. "I can clean up after myself," he informed her.

"Nah, I got it." She took his empty cup, too. "So... You liked the bananas?"

If he didn't know any better, he'd say that she sounded like she actually _wanted_ his approval. "Yes," he conceded, standing up from the table.

"D'you... Eat peaches?"

He furrowed his brow. "Of course I do. Who doesn't like peaches?"

"Just checking." She moved to push his chair in for him, but he beat her to it. "Oh, uh, thanks."

He lifted one eyebrow at her. "Are you heading to bed?" He realized after he'd said it how suggestive it had sounded, and frowned.

"Uh, no." She rested her hands on her lower back, much in the way a pregnant woman would. "I usually just... Go to sleep whenever I run outta steam, y'know what I mean?"

"No, I don't." The statement was greeted with silence, and he shifted uncomfortably, unsure of whether or not their conversation had ended.

"Well!" She thankfully broke the silence. "This was actually... Okay. I'm gonna head off, now. Not to bed, in case you were wondering." She started to laugh, but quickly fell silent at the stony look on his face. "Right. Seeya."

He nodded to her, and watched her leave out of the corner of his eye. Then, with a sigh, he headed for his own room. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what her ulterior motive was; anyone else would think he was just being paranoid or distrustful, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Lin was the kind of woman who had a reason for everything she did and said.

Still, he couldn't for the life of him figure out what her aim was. If she was a thief, surely she would have attempted to take something and be on her way by then. She couldn't be a warrior looking for a challenge, that would have come up the first day she'd arrived. Besides, while he knew better than to judge a warrior by appearances... There was no way she knew the first thing about any style of fighting. Perhaps his first impression of her was correct, and she was simply a bum off the street, looking for food and shelter.

He supposed the only thing he really _could_ do was stay vigilant, and wait. Sooner or later, the truth would come out.

* * *

A/N: Shifu is srs bsns, yo. :P As you can see, I'm finally getting the show on the road and revealing information. Maybe eventually something will happen, haha. We can only hope, right?


	5. If It Tastes Good

A/N: Here we go, chapter five! And the plot continues to creep along at a blistering three miles per hour...

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 5: If It Tastes Good, It Probably Isn't Good For You

* * *

Lin was on her way to the peach tree after lunch, amazed at how long it continued to bear fruit, when she heard a noise coming from the tree. As she approached, she recognized the sound as a flute, playing a slow, soft melody. She enjoyed music, but it wasn't often that she had an opportunity to listen, so she continued on her way up. She figured Oogway was probably playing the flute; he certainly seemed like the type to appreciate such an art.

However, she was met with something of a surprise when she reached the top of the stairs. She stood and gaped at the sight. Shifu was sitting at the edge of the precipice, facing out toward the valley and playing the flute. If she could use one word to describe the music, she would call it gentle. And that was definitely not the word she would use to describe Shifu.

His ear twitched back and he abruptly stopped playing, sighing heavily as he stood up. "What is it?"

"Oh, uh..." She wasn't quite sure what excuse to make. "I just... Was just taking a walk."

He turned around and glared at her, the flute hanging from one hand.

"I, uh, liked the flute... Music..." She clasped her hands together, feeling incredibly self-conscious. "I just didn't think you'd... Yeah. I'll go now."

"You didn't think I'd what?" He sounded annoyed.

"Y'know, I didn't think you'd..." She tried to think of the right way to phrase it. "...Be into that type of thing."

He raised one eyebrow. "'That type of thing?'"

"Yeah, like a fine art type of thing."

"And who is to say that kung fu isn't a fine art?" he shot back.

"You really don't want to have this discussion with me," she warned him. "You won't be able to get me to shut up."

"Ah, good point," he agreed.

She laughed, surprised at the joke (although he probably had meant it). "Nice, nice."

"You're... Not insulted?"

"You never met my family, obviously," she replied, finally feeling comfortable enough to approach the tree and start climbing.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sounding completely scandalized.

"Picking peaches, you want one?" She'd made it to the lowest branch and was reaching for a nice, juicy one.

"This is the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom! You can't just- just-"

"Catch." She threw him the peach, and resisted the urge to laugh at the furious look on his face. "Whatsamatter? Oogway said it was okay."

He glared at her some more. "Get down."

"Oh, like you never ate a peach from up here," she grumbled, grabbing the nearest fruit and jumping back down. "Peaches are _meant_ to be eaten. That's why they're so delicious."

"_This_ tree is special. Master Oogway planted this tree nearly a thousand years ago, when he first came to the valley." For a moment, he looked up at the tree with a fond expression on his face.

"Huh," she replied, biting into her peach. "Tha's interesting."

Shifu did not look pleased.

"So, uh... How long've you known Oogway?" She thought it would be best if she turned the conversation away from peaches.

"A long time," he replied. "Over thirty years... Almost my entire life."

"Wow." She looked down at the half-eaten peach in her hand, trying to think of anyone she'd known for comparatively long. "You got me beat there," she admitted.

"Have you even been _alive_ for that long?" As usual, he'd managed to miss her point.

"No," she grumbled. "I don't think so, anyway."

"You don't _think_ so?"

"Look, I, uh... I gotta get started with dinner, and _dessert_. I already finished up my dough, I just need some peaches." She was expecting him to yell at her again, but he seemed calm.

"Why do you need peaches from _this_ tree?" He gestured toward the tree, frowning at her in disapproval.

"There're a lotta reasons." She did her best to think of some serious reasons. "Well, the tree's right here on the grounds. Why pay for peaches when they're right here? And they're the most delicious peaches _I've_ ever had."

He looked unconvinced.

"I hate waste, too, and it's wasteful not to eat 'em. They'll fall, and just rot there on the ground. Besides, why would Oogway plant a peach tree and then not want anyone to eat the peaches?"

"That's not the _point_," he reasoned back. "The point is that it's disrespectful to eat them!"

"So you, uh... Don't want a pie?"

He raised his eyebrows, but didn't reply to her.

"A Sacred Peach Pie of Heavenly Wisdom," she clarified. "With a brown sugar topping."

"You can't be serious."

"There are very few things that I am serious about," she informed him, "and pie is one of them."

"Well, I'm sure _one_ part of that is accurate." He eyed the peach tree again, a frown still firmly on his face. "A _brown sugar_ topping?"

"Yeah, with cinnamon baked right in," she added to sweeten the deal. "There's nothing disrespectful about cinnamon, right?"

He glared at her, and one eye twitched ominously.

She paused with the peach halfway to her mouth, and decided against taking another bite. "...Okay, I guess I'll just... Make a different kinda pie."

"Feel free to make a peach pie," he told her. "Just not with _these_ peaches." He looked pointedly toward the stairs, then back at her with raised eyebrows.

Lin knew when to take a hint, so she beat a hasty retreat. However, she was stubborn, she didn't have time to go back down into the valley before dinner, and she also knew when to go over somebody's head.

* * *

Tai Lung sighed as he sat on the floor in the back of the training hall, attempting to meditate. He'd always been bad at sitting around and not thinking about anything. He couldn't even sit around without _doing_ anything; even when he was trying to be still and calm he could still feel his tail twitching back and forth. That was probably why Master Shifu was making him meditate in the middle of the day. He always liked to lecture Tai Lung on the importance of having a clear and focused mind, but it had never come as easily to him as the physical aspects of kung fu had.

Plus, ever since Lin had started forcing him to eat with Master Shifu he'd been getting hungrier in between meals, making it harder to concentrate. He knew he was eating less at meals, because he thought Master Shifu might lecture him about over-eating and make him run laps or do push ups. He was probably over-thinking the situation, but when it came to his training he could never be too careful. And around Master Shifu, everything was always about training.

The door to the training hall opened and he almost jumped at the sudden noise. He was hoping that it was Lin, with a tray of tea and cookies, but when he heard the footsteps he knew it was Master Shifu. Surprisingly enough, Lin always seemed to be bustling, even when she was moving slowly, unlike Shifu's calm and steady gait.

'_Master_ Shifu,' he thought to himself; if he started dropping the title in his mind, he was bound to slip up in his speech. Lin's informality toward absolutely everyone was starting to rub off on him.

"Tai Lung."

"Yes, Master?" He tried to sound calm and quiet, like he had just been roused from deep meditation. Instead he sounded kind of raspy.

Master Shifu hesitated, which was very unusual. "You may end your meditation."

Tai Lung jumped to his feet and bowed, then straightened up and waited for an order.

"...Do you eat peaches from the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom?" he asked. He didn't seem angry, though, just curious.

"Uh..." He wasn't sure if he should admit the truth or not. Then again, if he lied Master Shifu would probably be able to tell. "Yes, Master. I do."

"And you find that... Appropriate?"

He was in trouble. "Well, uh, they _are_ peaches. I mean, they're edible." It didn't sound like a very convincing argument. "Master Oogway eats them," he added in hopes of absolving himself.

"Yes, I know," Master Shifu sighed. He stared off into space after that, and Tai Lung stood in awkward silence, wondering if he was supposed to say anything.

After about half a minute, he decided to break the silence. "Um... Master?"

"Ah, yes." Shifu blinked a few times, his eyes refocusing. "Now that your mind has been focused, I think it is time you learned a new scroll of kung fu."

"Yes, Master."

"Come with me." He turned and headed toward the doors.

Tai Lung followed at a respectable distance; they were most likely headed to the massive library where the Thousand Scrolls of Kung Fu were kept. There, Master Shifu would reveal which scroll he would master next. Normally he was incredibly excited to learn a new style of kung fu, but he was still lost in thought about the awkward turn his meals had taken. He knew that he was going to go crazy if something didn't change- and that was when a simple, yet brilliant idea hit him. The next opportunity he had to slip away to the kitchen- maybe when he was supposed to be taking his bath- he would have to talk Lin into it.

* * *

Lin checked the tally she kept to count her days spent at the Jade Palace, and counted _twice_. It had been two weeks since she had been appointed the official cook of the place, and to her that meant one thing: two weeks was the cut-off. If she didn't warm up to a person in two weeks' time, then she would never like them. If she did, then she would probably end up liking that person _a lot_. At least, according to her memories of past experiences. And, of course, it had happened just before her cut-off.

She was starting to like Shifu.

"Well... Crap," she muttered to herself, folding up her tally and stuffing it back into an inside pocket. Normally she wouldn't have any qualms over actually enjoying someone's company, except for the one fact that still remained: Shifu did _not_, by any stretch of the imagination, like her.

At least he liked her cooking. It was something to start with. When he'd tasted her bananas foster, that was the first time she'd seen him truly enjoy _anything_ she'd seen him eat, and she was determined to top herself.

He'd made her laugh, too. Try as she might, she could never dislike anyone who made her laugh. And it wasn't that Shifu was a generally funny person; even when he'd made that funny comment he was serious. Besides that, she sort of enjoyed fighting with him, in a sick sado-masochistic kind of way. She was just getting over her natural shyness around him, too, so there were much better fights to come. It struck her, in that moment, just how much she was like all the other women in her family.

She walked over to the oven to check on her pie; it was almost done, so the only thing left for her to do was to figure out a way to keep the pie safe from Tai Lung.

"What're you doing?"

"Ack!" She slammed the oven closed, instinctively shielding it with her body. "Christ on a cracker, Tai Lung! You almost made me pee my pants!"

Tai Lung made a disgusted face as he plopped down in a chair and put his feet up on the table. "Ewwwwww."

"Get your feet offa the table." She wiped her hands on her apron, which she had found buried deep inside a closet in the kitchen. "And aren't you supposed to be training right now?"

"I wanted to ask you a favor, actually." He leaned forward and gave her an innocent, wide-eyed look.

"Okay, what's this favor?" She headed toward the cabinets, sure that he was going to ask for food.

"Will you, uh... Eat dinner with me tonight?"

"Eh?" She shot her usual confused expression at him. "What're you talking about?"

"Please?" He glanced toward the door, then lowered his voice. "If I have to eat another meal alone with Master Shifu I think I might lose it."

"He's not that bad," she sighed, relieved that the request was so simple.

"But it's just... Weird. We don't really talk about anything. There's nothing to talk about with Master Shifu except training, and I really love kung fu, but I don't wanna get lectured while I'm eating." His eyes miraculously grew even wider and his ears drooped a little. "Pleeeeaaase?"

Lin rolled her eyes at the display. "It was my idea in the first place to use your cuteness against people, so don't go thinking it'll work on me." She walked over the the stove as she spoke, to avoid looking at him; to be honest, it _would_ work on her if he kept it up. "Besides, a family should eat together, and if I stay Shifu won't." She was also worried that if she spent too much time around Shifu he would get fed up with her and fire her.

"Sure he will! I mean, everything was fine last night, wasn't it?"

She refused to turn around, because she knew he was still giving her that cutesy look. "I don't wanna interfere."

"But you already interfered when you made us eat together in the first place!" Tai Lung whined. "Pleeeaaase!"

"No," she snapped, but she knew that she was going to end up caving in.

"Please, please, please?"

She opened a drawer and pretended to be looking for something. "Nope."

"Please, please, please, _please?_"

She jumped, startled when Tai Lung grabbed her leg. When she turned to look at him she was greeted by the sight of him laying prostrate on the ground, clutching her leg and staring up at her with watery eyes. "Fine," she grumbled, prying her leg out of his grasp. "But you _owe_ me."

"_Thankyouthankyouthankyou_," he spouted out, jumping to his feet. "It'll be fine, I promise, you won't regret it!"

"I already do." Lin licked her hand, then smoothed down some ruffled fur on his head.

"Ew!" He batted her hand away and rubbed at the spot she'd just fixed.

"Get outta here before you get in trouble."

"Okay, seeya!" Tai Lung bounded out of the room with such energy that Lin had to wonder if all snow leopard children were like that, or if he just had something wrong with him.

She groaned to herself when she realized what she'd agreed to. Shifu had been civil to her before, but she had no idea what his reaction to eating together would be. Either they would all eat in awkward silence or she would somehow piss him off. Either way it would be a pain in her ass. She really should have said no, but it seemed to mean a lot to Tai Lung, and even though she'd only known him for two weeks she was already a big softy for him.

There was no saving herself; she had agreed to eat at the table, and now she was going to have to suffer through it. "Maybe it won't be so bad," she told herself, in an attempt to convince herself that it was true. It didn't work.

* * *

A/N: That's right, a _cliffhanger_. It's my special gift to all of you.


	6. Around the Table

A/N: Hey there! Sorry for the slow update, but unfortunately I had two weeks of mid-terms to deal with, and then immediately after those were done I sprained my hand. Lovely! And now that I'm done being a big baby, here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 6: It Is Around the Table That We Understand Best the Warmth of Being Together

* * *

It was only a few minutes until dinner time, and Tai Lung was starting to get nervous; he knew that his plan had a lot of potential to backfire. He peered into the kitchen, and almost had a heart attack when he saw only two places set at the table. "Lin!"

"Hold your horses, kid." She stirred something in a large pot, then turned around and raised her eyebrows at him. "What?"

"You're not eating with us?" He was ready to give her another dose of adorable pleading, but she shook her head.

"I said I would. The thing is, I can't just siddown with you guys. Shifu'd definitely pop a vein. You gotta ask him if I can eat with you guys, pretend that we never planned this."

"But what if he says no?" This turn of events worried him a little.

"He won't," she replied, wiping her hands on her apron. "All you gotta do is turn on the charm, just like when you asked him to eat with you in the first place. He's gotta feel like he's in control of the situation, or he'll never go for it. So, are you in or out?"

"I'm still in," he replied. After all, his determination was one of the things that helped him succeed in kung fu. "You just follow my lead."

"Now _that's_ more like it." She licked a clean corner of her apron and used it to wipe at a spot on Tai Lung's face.

"Hey!" If there was one thing he hated, it was to be babied. "Would you quit doing that kinda stuff to me?"

"Sorry there, _Master_ Tai Lung." She made a show of bowing deeply to him.

"What is going on here?"

Tai Lung jumped a little, then turned to Master Shifu and bowed. "Good evening, Master." He watched as Master Shifu stood hesitantly in the doorway, glancing between him and Lin. "Um, I was actually just going to ask you, Master, if... Uh..." He widened his eyes as far as they would go and let his ears droop a little. "If Lin could eat with us?" He even let his tail twitch pitifully.

Master Shifu's eye twitched.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly," Lin jumped in. "You two should have, y'know, bonding time. _Family_ time." She was doing a good job of pretending to be surprised.

Tai Lung turned to her. "It would mean a whole lot to me, Lin. Please?" He then gave Shifu another simpering look.

"Well..." Lin rubbed at her chin, furrowing her brow thoughtfully. "If Sh-" she stopped then, and pretended to cough. "If _Master_ Shifu has no problem with it, then neither do I."

Tai Lung turned the full force of his cute attack on Shifu, hoping the tactic would work. If not, it would result in an ill-tempered dinner partner, and he did _not_ want that.

"...Very well," Shifu sighed, his shoulders slumping. He walked over to the table and took his usual seat. "I suppose it could be... Interesting."

"Thank you, Master!" Tai Lung hopped into his seat, feeling like a heavy weight had been lifted off of him. However, the room quickly became silent while Lin set her own place at the table and started rummaging around in the cabinets. "So..." He looked back and forth between Master Shifu and Lin; neither seemed ready to start a conversation. As usual, it was up to him to be the least socially retarded person in the room. "I started learning a new style of kung fu today," He said to Lin. "Leopard style."

She chuckled a bit. "Well it's about time; you _are_ a leopard, after all."

"He needed to learn some more basic styles first," Shifu replied harshly.

Tai Lung flinched on her behalf; Master Shifu had probably taken the comment as a criticism of his teaching methods. "So what's for dinner?" he asked, hoping to divert an argument.

"A family recipe!" Lin replied jovially, as she scooped whatever they would be eating out of the pot and into a large serving dish. "Stuffed cabbage." She brought the serving dish over and slapped two gigantic rolls onto his plate, along with some red sauce.

Tai Lung thought he might throw up just at the sight of it. "Stuffed cabbage?" he managed to croak out, grimacing.

"In tomato sauce! It's delicious _and_ full of protein and vitamins... All that good stuff." She dropped some of the cabbage onto Shifu's plate, then served herself. "I been eating this for _years_. Dig in!" She left the serving plate in the middle of the table and sat down, grinning widely at him.

"Okay..." He would have given the stuffed cabbage a try, but Lin and Shifu had started to eat, and it was a little bit distracting. Tai Lung tried not to let his jaw drop. Watching Lin and Shifu eat together was like watching a grotesque race. Lin was shoveling food frantically into her mouth, a protective hand on her plate, as if she thought someone was going to try to steal it right out from under her. Meanwhile, Shifu's chopsticks were moving so quickly between his plate and his mouth that they were only a blur to the naked eye. Not to mention they were glaring at each other the entire time.

He looked down at his own plate, which was still full of food.

"Whatsamatter, not hungry?" Lin asked.

Tai Lung looked back up to see that both she and Shifu were done already. "I, uh..." What was a polite way to say, 'Sorry, I just don't eat like a couple of circus freaks'?

"'Cause if you ain't gonna eat..."

He quickly grabbed his chopsticks and shoved some cabbage into his mouth when he saw her hand moving toward his bowl. "I'm okay," he worked out around the half-chewed food. "I'm still hungry." It actually tasted _good,_ to his utter shock.

Lin shook her head. "You're so _slow_. Honestly!" She grabbed another roll of cabbage from the serving plate and immediately began to devour it.

Tai Lung turned to Shifu, hoping that he would break his pattern of silence during meals, but was dismayed to see him getting up to leave.

However, Lin somehow knew the perfect thing to say. "You'll miss dessert," she managed to spit out in between bites.

"I see," Shifu replied, slowly sitting back down. "And... What is for dessert?"

"You'll see." She winked at Tai Lung, and he suddenly had a bad feeling about the meal. "I got a big surprise ready."

"What kind of surprise?" Tai Lung and Shifu asked in unison, both in a very dubious tone of voice.

"The kind that you can have after you finish your dinner." She raised her eyebrows and looked pointedly down at Tai Lung's still half-full plate.

"Sorry," he replied, and quickly dug in. He wasn't especially hungry anymore, not after Lin's proclamation. In the short amount of time he'd known her, he had learned enough to realize that a surprise from her would be far from a good thing- especially when Master Shifu was involved. He thought that maybe if he ate slowly enough one of them would get impatient and leave, but they both waited patiently for him; what was even more unnerving was that they waited in complete silence. Somehow it made him feel like he was about to be sacrificed. "So..." If he couldn't prevent whatever Lin was planning to do, he could at least stall. "It was... Really sunny today." Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything to discuss that wouldn't end in someone getting insulted.

"It coulda been sunnier," Lin dismissed. "You ever been in a desert?"

"Why would he have ever been in a desert?" Shifu interrupted, sounding annoyed.

"You never know." She shrugged. "Anyway, in some deserts the sun is so strong it bleaches your fur and burns you so badly your skin peels off."

"_Awesome_," Tai Lung marveled at the story.

"She's never been to a desert." Shifu crossed his arms, frowning.

"Maybe, maybe not," Lin replied casually. "But one thing's for sure: I was quite well acquainted with a Bedouin camel who'd become a trader of rare spices and silks- he grew up in the Sahara, the biggest desert in the world. I never went to _that_ one, to be honest. Anyway, last time I saw him he was on his way up to Mongolia to visit family."

"Would you _please_ stop lying to him?"

"Well if I'm such a big liar then _you_ could tell a story," she grumbled back at him.

Tai Lung perked up, hoping to hear a story about heroic ancient kung fu masters, or maybe even a story of Master Shifu's own exploits.

"Very well. What about the story of how Master Oogway created kung fu?"

"Now, old friend, you wouldn't want to bore them with _that_ story, would you?" Master Oogway appeared in the doorway seemingly out of nowhere, and Tai Lung nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Master Oogway! Please join us." Shifu stood and bowed, but Oogway just chuckled.

"No need for such formalities," he replied. "Now, how did our pie turn out?" He took a seat at the end of the table and smiled at Lin.

"Well it certainly _looks_ good." She turned to Tai Lung, a wide grin on her face. "Are you done with your dinner?"

"Yes." He handed her his plate, then glanced at Master Shifu; he looked confused, but not angry. Yet.

She turned back to Oogway, still smiling. "I gotta say, though, you have a knack for baking."

"You give me too much credit," he dismissed congenially.

"What's going on?" Shifu asked flatly as Lin cleared off the table and returned with a large dish.

"Dessert!" She placed the dish in the middle of the table. "It's a peach pie."

"I haven't had pie in years," Oogway sighed. "I still remember a hazelnut tart I ate in my youth, during a visit to Rome. Delightful!"

"Looks good," Tai Lung said hesitantly as he eyed the dessert; he took note of Shifu's stony silence and wondered what Lin could have possibly done to the pie.

"Why thank you!" Lin cheerfully began to slice up the pie.

"So you decided to go back to the market for some peaches," Shifu spoke up. He seemed suspicious, though that wasn't unusual when it came to Lin.

"Nope," she replied as she served each of them a gigantic slice.

"They're from the sacred peach tree of heavenly wisdom, aren't they?" he asked flatly.

"Yep." Lin took a large bite from her slice of pie. "Mmm!"

"Quite delicious," Oogway agreed.

Tai Lung glanced down at his pie and wondered if he should eat any of it. Despite having Master Oogway's permission to eat a sacred peach pie of heavenly wisdom, Master Shifu still looked incredibly annoyed.

"Well..." Lin sighed, "Guess this means I'm right!" She gave Shifu a friendly pat on the back, smiling. "Eat up."

Shifu glared at her, then glanced at Master Oogway, who smiled benignly. "I... I am not hungry."

"Okey dokey." Surprisingly enough, Lin took his plate away without argument. "So who wants seconds?"

Tai Lung took one look at Shifu's face and decided that he did _not_ want seconds, not even a little bit.

* * *

Lin dried off the last of the dishes and put it away, reflecting on how dinner had gone. She really hadn't intended to be so pushy, at least not from the beginning, but it was just in her nature. She supposed that learning to socialize through confrontation hadn't done much for her, either. Still, she could have shown a little more restraint.

She decided to quit kicking herself over the whole incident; the pie was, after all, a masterpiece.

The clearing of a throat snapped her out of her contemplation, and she wasn't surprised to see Shifu standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Hi," she replied, feeling somewhat sheepish. "Look, I-"

"Whatever you are going to say, I don't need to hear it," he interrupted. "I came here to tell you how out of line you were tonight."

Lin paused to consider her options. She had been on the verge of apologizing, but his interruption gave her reason to reconsider. One of the things she hated most in the world was being interrupted; and beside that, if she agreed that she was out of line, she'd be admitting that she was wrong. "I'll be honest," she sighed as she dipped a washcloth into the water basin and then rung it out. "I'm impressed by your resolve. However... More pie for me."

"What you did was just- just _low_," he replied harshly. "I can't believe you actually _planned_ that, just to get me to eat a pie!"

"Well, my grandmother had this saying. Men are always dreaming, women are always scheming." She walked over to the kitchen table and started wiping it down. "You're gonna hafta keep your head in the game if you wanna stay ahead of me." She glanced up at him to see his expression; he was looking at her with narrowed eyes, a frown on his face. "I know, I'm kinda a bitch."

He pointed an accusing finger at her. "There is something wrong with you."

"That's it? You can do better 'an that- you're worse than my brothers. I think the best was when I got them blamed for setting the house on fire, and the worse they could think up was moving my bed out into the mud." She shook her head, sighing. "Pathetic. My sisters weren't too pleased, though, since we all shared the bed."

"You set your own house on fire?"

"I was a kid. Y'know how kids are." She almost laughed at the look on his face, but thought better of it. "Anyway, that's not the point. You really should consider tasting the pie. It was my best yet."

"I'll pass," he grumbled, and headed for the door. "And by the way-" he paused to glare at her- "don't think I don't know what you're up to."

"Um... Okay." She furrowed her eyebrows, somewhat confused by the statement. "So... You _do_ know what I'm up to?"

"Yes!" he snapped, then left in a huff.

"G'night!" Lin called out in as friendly a tone as she could muster, knowing how much it would annoy him. She shook her head and kept cleaning the table; she sincerely doubted Shifu knew what she was up to. _She_ barely knew what she was up to half the time. All she knew was that if she was going to be staying at the Jade Palace, she might as well have some fun.

* * *

A/N: That's Oogway for ya: doin' it for the lulz.

Expect more bonding time with Tai Lung in the next chapter. Maybe someone will even mention kung fu! ;) In any case, thanks to all you readers for the patience. Seeya in two weeks!


	7. Man Shall Not Live on Bread Alone

A/N: Surprise! I skived off homework and finished this chapter early, so heeeeere ya goooo! Anyway, I'll start off by warning everyone: this chapter is just a long-ass conversation between Lin and Tai Lung. I'm not exaggerating. That's the entire chapter. Are you excited? I am. Take my hand, and let us continue on our journey.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda and a number of slave laborers are the property of Dreamworks.

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Chapter 7: Man Shall Not Live on Bread Alone

* * *

It was a quiet, humid night, and the sky was incredibly clear. Lin thought that it was a good night for a walk, especially after being cooped up indoors all day. She wasn't exactly an outdoorsy type of person, but every once in a while she needed some fresh air. She'd found a garden she hadn't known about before, snacked on a peach, and was able to clear her head. She was on her way back to the barracks when she heard a noise coming from the direction of the building.

"What the...?" Lin paused for a moment; she thought she saw movement on the roof of the barracks, but perhaps it had just been her imagination. It was pretty late at night, and even though she wasn't quite tired yet she knew that shadows could still play tricks on her eyes. But then she saw movement up there again, and then gleaming at her through the darkness, two bright yellow eyes. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed, looking around to see if there was a loose branch or something to be used as a weapon.

"I won't tell Master Shifu you said that in front of me, _again_, if you don't tell him I'm up here," the creature called down to her.

"Tai Lung?" She paused in the middle of hoisting a branch off the ground. "Is'at you?"

"Yeah, it's me. Who else would it be? And keep your voice down, you know how good Master Shifu's hearing is."

She squinted up at him, trying to see him more clearly. "What're you doing up there?"

"You can come up and see, if you want. I climbed up that tree in back and jumped over, but you'll probably need a ladder to get up here."

"How hard can it be to climb a tree? I used to climb trees all the time, back in the day." She made her way through the bushes to the other side of the barracks, proud that she'd managed not to trip over anything. When she caught sight of the tree Tai Lung was talking about, though, she had her doubts. It looked easy enough to climb, but the tallest branch was pretty thin, and far enough away from the roof that she would need to jump. Still, she'd already said she would climb the tree, so her pride prevented her from going back for a ladder. "I'm comin' up!" She called.

Tai Lung stuck his head over the edge of the roof to look down at her just as she started climbing the tree. "You sure you can do that?"

"I'll be fine," she huffed, pulling herself up through the branches. She made it alright to the top branch, but had a little bit of trouble trying to figure out where to go from there.

"You're doing pretty good so far," Tai Lung complimented, though he was still poised tensely on the edge of the roof.

"How'd you get out to the end of this branch and jump over there?" She eyed it warily; the branch looked like it might snap under her weight, but Tai Lung had managed it and he was larger than her already.

"I dunno, I just kinda... Did." He shrugged. "Try going a little faster."

"Easier said than done." She didn't trust her own balance enough to stand and walk on the branch, so she remained sitting and shimmied toward the end. It sank ominously, but didn't seem to be breaking. She got as close to the end of the branch as she dared, then slowly and carefully attempted to rise to her feet. "Spot me," she ordered, and Tai Lung immediately held his arms out.

"Just jump, don't think about it. It's easier that way," he advised.

Lin managed to get up onto her feet, and held her arms out at her sides to keep from falling. Then she bent her knees, readying herself for the jump. As she did so, she heard the branch crack behind her. She wasn't normally one to panic, but she felt her heart leap into her throat and jumped for it against her best judgement. "Agh!"

Tai Lung somehow reached down and caught her by the arms, then hauled her up to the roof. The branch she'd been on trembled, but stayed in place.

"I'm gonna use a ladder from now on," she huffed.

"Good idea," he agreed, breathing deeply. "That scared the shit outta me."

She gave him a light smack on the arm. "Don't swear."

"Yeah, yeah."

She searched her mind for something to say and ended up repeating herself. "What're you doing up here?"

He shrugged. "The view's nice, there's fresh air, and nobody bothers me. Except you, but I don't really mind."

"Well, when you live with other people, solitude is pretty nice." She laughed a bit, remembering her own family. "I had two brothers and five sisters. Growing up, I wanted to hang myself half the time."

"Yeah, I would, too." He snorted, shaking his head. "But so far it's been okay, having one extra person around."

"Glad to hear you don't despise me yet." She chuckled, and then they fell into an awkward silence.

She used the opportunity to take in the view. She could see down the steep hill the barracks had been built on a little way, before the landscape disappeared into mist. However, the skies were quite clear and from the roof there wasn't nearly as much foliage obscuring the view.

"Hey, look over here." Lin pointed to the sky, though she knew it probably wouldn't be much help. "That's Mars, right there. It's just a little bit red, if you look closely."

"Mars?" Tai Lung stared up at the sky, raising his eyebrows.

"Y'know, the Earth's closest neighboring planet. Mars! It's named after the Roman God of war. And over here, this flickering one, is the Earth's other neighbor, Venus. _Venus_ is named after the Roman Goddess of _looooove_." At that, she grabbed Tai Lung around the neck with one arm and rubbed the top of his head with her fist.

"Get offa me!" He pushed her away, but he was grinning. "How do you know all that stuff, anyway?"

"I been around a coupla times," she replied, then decided to change the subject to avoid more questions. "Y'know, I ain't really seen any other workers around here. What's the deal?"

"It's kinda one of those weird things when they're not supposed to be seen." He shrugged, leaning back. "Don't ask me why. It'd be nice to have more people to talk to."

"Huh." There was one other thing she was curious about. "And how come you're here alone? I mean, why're you the only student?"

"I dunno." Tai Lung shrugged. "I don't really ask a lot of questions. Master Shifu's high-strung enough without me asking a million things."

She laughed at that; it sounded like he was worried that Shifu would have a heart attack if he asked too many questions. "Y'know, kid, sometimes I wonder how you do it. Then I remember my mother."

He snickered along with her at that. "Now that you mention it, he _is_ kinda like an over-bearing mother."

"Yeah... But y'know, most of the time they act that way 'cause they love ya. It's easier if you remember that." She thought that maybe, for once, she should say something nice about Shifu. At least for Tai Lung's benefit. "_My_ parents didn't think I could do anything on my own. At least Shifu believes in you."

"Yeah, I guess." He rolled his eyes at her.

"Want some friendly advice?"

He nodded.

"Don't ever guess- _know_. Even if you don't really know." She paused at the blank expression on his face. "Got it?"

"Uh..." Tai Lung narrowed his eyes and scratched his head. "No."

"Just always be sure of yourself," she replied. "It's easier said than done... But if you _act_ like you're sure of yourself, then you'll _feel_ it, too."

"Okay, I get it now." He leaned back a little bit, grinning. "Tai Lung, the Dragon Warrior. It's got a nice ring to it."

"I hate to break it to you, kid, but dragons aren't real." Sometimes Lin wondered if she would ever come to understand the kung fu world, at least enough to carry on a conversation with a martial artist.

"The Dragon Warrior isn't _actually_ a dragon. It's whoever Master Oogway gives the Dragon Scroll to, and the Dragon Scroll holds the secret to limitless power."

She raised her eyebrows at the description. "So whoever becomes the Dragon Warrior is supposed to be the best warrior in the whole world or something?"

"Yes!"

"No such thing," she dismissed immediately.

"Yes there is!" he argued loudly, then stopped and took a deep breath and continued speaking much more quietly. "Master Shifu says so, anyway."

"There's no such thing as a 'best' at anything, even if you _do_ get some mystical scroll," she insisted. "No matter how good you are, you're never the best. Either there's someone out there who's better 'an you, or you're just not the best that you could possibly ever be. There is no pinnacle for anyone or anything. That's the nature of sentient life itself."

Tai Lung just stared at her, a horrified expression on his face.

"That's right, you just got schooled, _sucka_," she added for good measure.

He laughed, shaking his head. "For a minute there you sounded kinda like Oogway. Except more bossy."

"Man, not me. Oogway's been around a long time, he's got that wise thousand-year-old man thing going. I'm just... I dunno. Here." She leaned back and looked up at the stars, and for a split second she wondered what she would be like when she was an old woman. She had always hoped for violently senile, but wise and all-knowing sounded nice, too.

"How old were you when you left home?" Tai Lung suddenly asked.

She was snapped out of her musings by the question, and it took her a moment to think up an answer. "Older 'an you," she replied. She didn't like to talk about the specifics of her past; nothing beyond the occasional anecdote about her family, anyway.

"Aw, c'mon."

"I was fourteen when I left home, and if you wanna know why it's because I felt like it and if you wanna know where I'm from it's nunya business. Satisfied?"

"You didn't have to get so snippy about it," he grumbled. "If I could, I'd do what you do."

"Cook for a smart-mouthed kid and an uptight kung fu master?" She elbowed him and grinned, but he just shook his head back at her.

"No, travel! I bet you've been all over China by now. All over the _world_."

"Eh, not as much as you'd think."

"Master Oogway says that traveling like that teaches you a lot of stuff. He says it transforms you, or something." Tai Lung shrugged, looking embarrassed. "I just think it'd be fun."

Lin tried to think of something wise or reassuring to say to him, but she wasn't too good at being reassuring. She could handle making people feel bad, it was making them feel good that escaped her. She settled for a little of both. "Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. You should appreciate having somewhere to go while you still can."

"So you don't like to travel?" he asked.

"It's not that. It's just... Sometimes, even when you like something in your life, you get tired of it. Like eating the same thing at every meal. But I try not to have regrets."

"No regrets, huh?"

"Yeah. Y'know, sometimes in life you gotta make choices, and either way you can go, you think you might have regrets. So whenever I gotta make a choice like that, I pick whichever one I'm most curious about. It's better to have a bad experience than to wonder what you coulda done. You get me?"

"I think so."

"So maybe traveling around had its downsides, but if I'da just stayed in one place, I'd always be wondering what it'd be like to travel. Life is all about taking chances, kiddo, and as long as you learn something there's no reason to have regrets."

"D'you still have regrets anyway?"

"Yeah, I do. The things I regret, though, are things that I _didn't_ do. Things I was maybe too afraid or too careless to do. But at least I know now not to hesitate, and to go after what I want."

"Wow." Tai Lung stared up at the sky for a little while, his eyebrows furrowed. "There's something I wanna do... But I don't know if I can."

"What's that?"

"I wanna master all one thousand scrolls of kung fu."

"Then do it! That's all there is to it. Not everything in life's as complicated as people say." She gave him a hearty pat on the back and grinned. "And don't ever let anyone tell you that you ain't good enough."

"I need to show humility, though," he grumbled. "That's what Master Oogway says."

"I don't see why you can't _humbly_ follow your dreams."

"Yeah, but _you're_ pretty, uh... Not humble." He winced a little as he said it, apparently worried that she would get angry.

"You think so?" Lin had never really stopped to think about whether or not she was humble. Self-reflection wasn't exactly one of her strong points. Although, she supposed that never admitting she was wrong and her unnatural desire to start fights could translate into pride. "Huh. Y'know, I never noticed. Good lookin' out, kid."

"You're not mad that I pointed out one of your many faults?"

"Whaddaya mean, one of my _many_ faults?" She gave him a poke in the side, just for that.

"Hey, that tickles!" Tai Lung shimmied away from her, shielding his side with his arms.

"Listen, Mr. Dragon Master of a Thousand Scrolls, or whatever- I don't care how all-powerful you get, I only have like two flaws _tops_ and you better remember that." Lin feigned and indignant sniff and stuck her nose up in the air. "And my only other fault is that I'm just too great to be comprehended by mere mortals such as yourself."

"Wow, you really _are_ full of yourself." He laughed when she stuck her tongue out at him.

Lin would have laughed as well, but she found herself instead stifling a yawn. "Well, I think that's enough wisdom della Lin for one night. _You_ gotta get to bed."

"Aww, c'mon," he pleaded, his eyes growing wide into a sad kitten stare. "I won't tell Master Shifu if you don't."

"That's just creepy in the dark. And no, you can't stay up." She stood up and brushed herself off, wondering how she was supposed to get off of the roof.

"Are you going to bed, too?" he asked, crawling toward the edge of the roof.

"Kid, I only go to sleep when I pass out from exhaustion," she answered honestly. "Now... Get me a ladder."

He stood up straight, folded his arms behind him, and gave her a stiff bow. "Yes, Master."

"Yeah, you're hilarious." She stretched out her back, relieved to feel her spine crackle. "I know you're just stalling so you can stay awake."

"_Fine_," Tai Lung sighed, then jumped off the roof.

Lin leaned over the edge to try to catch a glimpse of his kung fu moves, but she couldn't see him, even with her eyes adjusted to the darkness. It still felt weird to her to live around people who could disappear within the blink of an eye, and whatever else they could do. Maybe it was just being around the same set of people for such a long time that was getting to her; it had been a while since she'd stayed put somewhere. At least, not since she'd been a student. She actually _enjoyed_ staying at the Jade Palace, if she was going to be completely honest. Still, every day that passed gave her more reason to worry.

She decided to stop thinking about it, at least for a couple of weeks. There was nothing she could do except stay put, and worrying definitely wasn't going to help her pass the time. She'd just have to keep a watchful eye on her income, and wait.

* * *

A/N: That life advice totally couldn't be skewed in any way other than good and awesome, amirite? Anyway, I promise that there will be more than one conversation in the next chapter.


	8. The Kitchen is the Heart of the Home

A/N: Well, here it is in all its glory! Sorry it's a little late... I stink, I know. Anyway, since I keep missing deadlines here's an extra-long chapter! It's like two chapters in one! Also consider it a bribe, since I may not get the next chapter done on time- I'm graduating in three weeks, so I'm in a real time crunch right now.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is the property of Dreamworks blah blah blah.

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Chapter 8: The Kitchen is the Heart of the Home

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It was another sunny day in the Valley of Peace- Lin's twentieth day there, according to her ongoing tally. Things around the Jade Palace had been quiet since her pie escapade, and she and Shifu hadn't exactly spoken to each other in the past six days, either. Tai Lung had been begging her to join them for dinner again, but she thought it would be best to just avoid another awkward situation for the time being. They both knew that she would give into the begging sooner or later, though.

Lin took a good look around the kitchen, which she had just cleaned top to bottom, and actually considered taking a break. It was about halfway between lunch and dinner, though, so she decided instead that it would be nice to try bringing tea and some almond cookies to Tai Lung and Shifu again. It might at least get Tai Lung off her back for a little while, and she figured that if she was going to eventually join them for dinner again that she should make an effort to reduce the awkwardness that would result.

She managed to make it through the doors to the training hall without spilling any tea, which she took as a good sign. However, once she actually entered the hall and took a look around, it appeared to be empty. "Dammit," she grumbled to herself, frustrated that she'd lugged tea all the way down there for nothing.

"Lin?" Tai Lung suddenly dropped from the ceiling, startling her.

"What the hell?" she replied, then set the tray of tea and cookies down in case anyone else came out of nowhere and scared her.

He made a beeline for the tea and cookies, plopping down on the floor in front of the tray. "Thanks!" he exclaimed through a mouthful of almond cookie. "These're great!"

"You're welcome," she replied, peering up at the ceiling. She supposed it wasn't too unusual for someone training in kung fu to be up there, but it was still a little weird. "You're in here alone?"

"Yeah, Master Shifu had to go beat up some bandits." His voice took on a somewhat bitter tone. "And I'm not allowed to go."

"Really?" Lin decided to take some of the tea for herself, since Shifu wasn't about to join them.

"Yeah. They're these crocodiles who keep trying to get into the valley, and I could totally help get rid of them if Master Shifu let me go with him. I already mastered more scrolls of kung fu than anyone else my age, and he said himself that I'm the best student he's ever had. I could probably beat those crocodiles up by myself!"

"You ever beat anyone up before?" she asked, taking a seat on the floor next to him.

"No, but I could if I wanted to."

"Well, you're probably not allowed to go 'cause you're inexperienced," she reasoned.

"But I fight against Master Shifu all the time!" he argued, grabbing another cookie. "B'sides, didn't you say I shouldn't let anyone tell me what I can't do?"

"Yeah, but I mean anyone other 'an me. Anyway, I don't think Shifu's actually trying to kill you when you guys do that. Crocodile bandits would probably, y'know... Try to kill you. I'm sure it's different when the person you're fighting is going all out." She figured that just one almond cookie couldn't hurt her.

"How would you know?" Tai Lung grumbled sullenly. "_You've_ never been in a fight."

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "Kid, you got a lot to learn if you think the only people who get into scraps are kung fu masters and bandits."

He immediately cheered up at that. "You've been in a fight?" he asked excitedly.

"Ladies don't punch and tell." She doubted that telling such a story would work out in her favor, especially if it got back to Shifu. "Besides, it's boring as hell."

"Oh." Tai Lung immediately went back to sulking over being left behind.

Lin felt bad for the kid; she knew that it was too dangerous for him to go out and fight bandits, but she also remembered her own childhood, and what it felt like to be left behind. "Hey, I got an idea," she offered, hoping it would cheer him up. "Since Shifu's not around, why don't you and I take a little time off?"

He just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. How'm I gonna master all one thousand scrolls of kung fu if I go around taking time off? And if I do that, and Shifu finds out, he'll _never_ take me seriously, and I'll _never_ be allowed to go into battle."

"How's he gonna find out if we don't tell him?" she enticed, waggling her eyebrows.

"No way, no how. Not even if you _did_ have more of these cookies."

"Not even if I let you pick out what we have for dinner?"

He hesitated then, obviously tempted by her offer. "Well... I guess just an hour or two couldn't hurt."

"Now _that's_ the spirit!" She paused, then, with the realization that she had no idea what seven-year-old practitioners of kung fu did for fun. When _she_ was seven, all she did for fun was roll in the mud and beat her brothers and sisters with sticks. "Uh... Wanna roll in the mud and beat each other with sticks?" she suggested.

Tai Lung slowly blinked at her, obviously confused. "...Seriously?"

"Nevermind," she replied quickly. "Whaddaya wanna do?"

"Uh..." He stared off into space for a while, his eye squinted. Then he sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. "...I dunno."

"You don't know?" She was dumbfounded that a kid Tai Lung's age didn't know what to do with some free time. "What kinda kid are you, anyway?"

"Hey, _you_ wanted to roll in mud!" he argued. "I mean, do _you_ ever have time off?"

"Sometimes," she huffed, crossing her arms.

"Then what do you do with it?"

She hesitated a moment, blushing. "...Work."

"_Ha!_" he declared triumphantly.

"Well I go for a walk every day," she corrected quickly. "And I keep meaning to go to a bar..."

"Let's go to a bar!" he immediately suggested excitedly.

"No." She sat there and stared at the tea tray for a while, trying to think of something fun. "We could have lunch as a picnic."

"But what'll we do until then?"

"...Let's go see if Oogway wants to join in." She figured that the crazy old guy would at least know something fun that a kid could participate in.

"What'll Master Oogway say if he knows I'm taking time off, though?" Tai Lung fretted. "He might be angry. And what if he tells Master Shifu?"

"Just ask him if you can take some time off." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"This was a bad idea. I should just get back to training."

"Oh, no," Lin replied in her most forceful tone. "You're coming with me, whether you like it or not." She stood up, grabbed the tea tray, and stomped toward the door. "Let's go!"

* * *

Tai Lung gulped loudly as he approached Master Oogway up at the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. The only reason he was even trying anything remotely like what he was about to do was because Lin was there with him. And also because she had agreed to take the blame if anything went wrong. "Master Oogway?" he asked quietly, ready to pull out all the cute kitten stops.

"Yes, young one?" Master Oogway was practicing Tai Chi forms under the shade of the pink peach blossoms; he didn't stop practicing, but he did smile gently in Tai Lung's direction.

"Well, I was kinda thinking... I mean, not that I normally think of stuff like this, but..." He paused to think of how he would phrase the question. "Do you think it would be alright if I took some time off today?"

"You mean because Shifu isn't here," Oogway replied, though the smile didn't fall from his face.

"Yeah," Lin answered for him. "It was my idea, the kid just seemed kinda stressed." She shrugged, then held out her tray to offer the old tortoise some tea.

"And are you planning to tell Shifu?" he asked, accepting the tea.

"_Hell_ no."

"Okay, then." Oogway sipped at the tea, humming contentedly. "Another wild success."

"Master Oogway," Tai Lung cut in tentatively. "Would you also... Like to take some time off?"

"We need an idea man," Lin added.

"Today feels very much like a day of quiet meditation to me," he replied, then after Lin and Tai Lung reacted with blank expressions, scratched his head with one long claw. "You could also roll around in the mud."

* * *

Lin sat at the kitchen table, taking stock of her finances as she did every week. It was late at night, when the only company she had (or wanted, for that matter) was a steaming hot cup of tea. She was just finishing up when she saw movement from the corner of her eye, and turned toward the door.

Tai Lung stood there, a hopeful look on his face; he probably wanted a snack. "Are you waiting up for Master Shifu?"

"Go to bed," she replied in as much of a no-nonsense voice as she could muster.

"I could wait with you," Tai Lung offered hopefully.

"Nice try, kid."

"But I'm worried! What if Master Shifu got hurt? Wouldn't you feel bad for sending me to bed?" He stared at her with big, watery eyes, his hands clasped together.

"Probably not." Lin wasn't about to budge; she knew that Tai Lung was just trying to stay up late.

"Aw, but I'm not tired," he argued, dropping the adorable kitten act.

"Once you get into bed, you'll fall asleep," she reassured him. "And if anything's happened to Shifu you'll be the first to know. Now get outta here."

With a long-suffering sigh, Tai Lung slunk out of the kitchen, defeated.

She briefly thought of reconsidering and letting him stay up, just for the company, but she knew she wouldn't hear the end of it if Shifu came back to find Tai Lung up and about in the middle of the night.

She managed to finish up her finances pretty quickly, and decided to start on some other work. Then, next thing she knew, the subtle change of light in the room was signaling sunrise. She realized that the sun was rising and Shifu was still gone, and for a brief moment she may have just been a little bit worried. She dismissed it soon enough; he was a kung fu master, and he could handle himself. All it meant was that she was going to have another easygoing day. Maybe she'd even get to lay under the shade of the peach tree at the hottest part of the day, pull a straw hat down over her eyes, and take a little nap. Just the thought of it filled her with excitement. In fact, it fueled her as she cleaned up after herself and dragged out some pots and pans to start breakfast, the full weight of a sleepless night slowly overtaking her.

"Where's Master Shifu?" Tai Lung interrupted her daydreaming, taking a seat at the table.

"You're up early," she replied, hoping he wouldn't take the news too badly.

"Yeah, well... I woke up, so I figured I'd get up early." He pointedly crossed his arms and puffed out his chest a little, probably in an attempt to look tougher; it must have been a sign that he was worried.

"He'll be back," Lin reassured him. "If he can handle _you, _he can handle some bandits." She decided that the conversation needed a change of topic. "I picked some peaches for breakfast. Want one?"

"Sure." He sounded a little down. "So, what're you gonna do today?"

"I keep meaning to plant a vegetable garden," she started as she grabbed a peach and began slicing it up. "I figure I'll do that this morning. Then I'll make lunch, and we can eat together, then I'll take a nap under the peach tree, and after that Oogway's got this poetry I'm gonna read. And after that I'm gonna get a closer look at that vase fulla dead guys-"

"The Tenshu Army," Tai Lung corrected.

"-Yeah, them. And then I'm gonna clean my room, get some work done, make dinner, and the usual after that." She shrugged. "You?"

"Training," he replied simply.

"Don't overfill your schedule, now," she teased. "Why don't you warm up by helping me with the vegetable garden?" She served him the peach slices, then grabbed some batter she'd left standing overnight- a quick French recipe she'd picked up somewhere along the way.

"I don't know, I really should train..." He leaned back in his chair and watched her for a moment; she was currently heating up an upside down pan. "What're you making?"

"They're galettes, made from buckwheat, and they go really well with fresh fruit." She dropped some batter onto the pan and started spreading it. "You can have some if you help me out with my garden."

"That's cruel." He paused to consider the deal. "Okay, I'll help _for a little while_. Then I'm gonna go to the training hall." He nodded decisively.

"Excellent." Lin grinned at the prospect of having fresh vegetables mere minutes away from the kitchen.

"Like I said, it can't take too long. When Master Shifu gets back he's gonna look for me in the training hall, so I gotta be there."

"Right," she agreed, once again feeling a momentary twinge akin to worry. Tai Lung was probably right, though; it would probably only be another couple of hours until Shifu returned to train Tai Lung and berate her for something inconsequential. In the meantime, she didn't need to think about it.

* * *

"Lin?" For about the fifth time that night, Tai Lung was standing outside of Lin's room. "You seen Master Shifu yet?"

She dragged herself off of her floor and out to the hall to talk to him. "Kid, there's nothing to worry about." She knew that she probably sounded a little exasperated, but she couldn't help it. "He'll be back sooner or later, so just try not to think about it and go to bed."

"But I'm not even tired," he grumbled. "Besides, what if something happened? I could go-"

"You _could_," Lin interrupted, deciding a bribe was the best way to deal with the situation, "but I was just about to make some _dessert_."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He looked conflicted for a moment, as if he were really making the decision between running off to find Shifu and having sweets. "You're _sure_ he's okay?"

"'Course I am," she replied with utmost confidence. "I even saved leftovers from dinner for him."

Tai Lung nodded decisively. "Okay. I'll have dessert, then."

"And you'll go to bed after you're done eating?" she prompted.

He let out a heavy sigh and frowned. "Yeah," he agreed reluctantly.

"C'mon, then."

* * *

Lin sat in her room, an enormous amount of tea nearby and a slew of blank papers littered over her floor. For some reason, she just couldn't concentrate on anything that night. She was currently attempting to write a grocery list for the next day, and she couldn't even remember what she needed to buy.

She dropped her unused brush on the floor and rubbed at her eyes, frustrated and tired. At the very least her ploy to stuff Tai Lung so full of food that he couldn't keep his eyes open had worked, and he had practically fallen asleep at the kitchen table by the time she was done with him. It was too bad that she couldn't solve her problem in the same way, since it was only a couple of hours until sunrise and even though she was exhausted she couldn't so much as close her eyes. She was just about to give up and try going for a walk when a noise caught her attention.

She didn't necessarily have above average hearing, but late at night (or more accurately, early in the morning) there wasn't a lot of background noise to deal with. So, Lin heard the door to the barracks swing open and immediately went about cleaning herself up, which mainly consisted of wiping her hands on the nearest piece of cloth. Once that was done, she made her way to the kitchen.

As she had expected, Shifu was there, and raiding her fruit bowl. "Hi," she greeted, and immediately went about finding something a little more hearty than an apple for him.

"Ugh," he grunted back, frowning when she held her hand out for the apple.

"Gimme that, you need something more filling," she ordered.

"Fine." He must have been tired to have given up so easily, but then again he looked like hell. He was filthy, his fur was sticking up every which way, and he sort of smelled.

It reminded Lin of herself when she'd first arrived in the Valley of Peace. "Siddown, already, you're in the way." She decided to take advantage of his exhaustion while she still could; it was a rare gift that she could say anything at all to him without an argument. She was still surprised when he actually got out of her way and sat down, though. "So I heard you beat down some crocodile bandits." Lin figured she'd have a better chance at carrying on a civil conversation if she tried to talk about kung fu. "How'd that go?"

"As usual," he replied shortly.

"Well, that's good news. I'd hate for it to be an _unusual_ crocodile beat down." She rummaged through the various cabinets for something filling, but quick and easy to make while they talked. There were leftovers from dinner earlier that night, which had been scallion pancakes (Tai Lung's choice) and sweetened mashed red beans (a personal favorite of hers). There were beans left, and it only took a few minutes to make scallion pancakes, so she got started.

Shifu rolled his eyes, which was about as close to a good sign as she was used to getting from him.

"Guess what I did today," she continued as she set a place at the table for him.

"No."

She snorted a bit at his reply; despite his attitude toward her, Shifu still amused her. "I planted a vegetable garden." She returned to the kitchen counter and started chopping up scallions.

"Wow," was all he said.

"You sound like you don't wanna talk." She was in a good mood, so she decided to go easy on him.

"I would _prefer_ to just eat an apple and go to bed." He leaned his head in his hand and yawned.

"Too bad," Lin said in her most cheerful voice. She started heating up a pan, then mixed some batter for the scallion pancakes. "I'll bet you ain't had anything to eat all day, and if you don't have dinner you won't be able to get up in the morning." She winced at how motherly that had sounded. "Besides, I'm already almost done cooking." She spooned some batter into one side of the pan, then filled the other side with a mound of beans.

Shifu turned around in his seat and narrowed his eyes at her. "...Why did you wait up for me?"

She laughed at the question. "What, you think I'd normally be asleep at this hour? Yeah, right. I was up working, and I heard you making a mess in here."

"Working?" he asked.

"Yep. Believe it or not, I actually _don't_ just sit around here with my thumb up my ass." On that note, she dumped the heated food onto his plate. "Now eat."

He stared down at the food, making no move whatsoever to eat it. "I see what you're doing," he informed her.

"...My job?" she guessed. When that received no response, she let out a long sigh, picked up his chopsticks, and shoved them into his hand. "I don't got time to spoon feed you, so if you'd get over your paranoid delusions long enough to cram some food into your cram hole, that'd be nice."

"'Cram hole' is a new one," he commented, but dug into the food. He was finished within minutes, and clearing the table for her.

"Y'know," she observed, "your problem is that you're too bothered by an enormous number of things- you need to be more easygoing. Y'know, relax a bit."

Shifu glared at her as he put the dirty dishes in the wash basin.

"What? It's the truth. Why don't you try to spend at least a few hours _not_ worrying about pointless crap?"

"Nothing I worry about is pointless," he replied. "And it's none of your business."

"I'm just saying, you'll live longer." She grabbed a rag and started to wipe down the table. "I'm all for working hard, but every now and then you gotta take it easy."

"I'll keep that in mind, in case I ever decide to avoid any semblance of responsibility in my life and become a shiftless layabout."

"Shiftless layabout?" she repeated. "You sound so _old_ when you say shit like that."

"And _you_ sound like a sailor... Well, pretty much all of the time."

"Hey, those men are heroes." She realized as she spoke that she had, for some reason, stopped cleaning and was just... Standing around and trading insults. It appeared to her as if Shifu were doing the same. "I thought you wanted to, y'know, go to sleep."

"Right," he replied quickly, raising his eyebrows at her. "And that was exactly what I was about to- to do."

"Take a bath, first. I don't wanna offend you or anything, but..." She leaned forward a little bit and lowered her voice. "You stink."

"I would reply in kind, but I'm not sure how long you would need to soak, and I would like to eat tomorrow."

"You should know," she began, intending to bury him, "that I've taken the liberty of filling a bath for you already."

He seemed incredibly surprised by that, and she thought that if she squinted she might have been able to see a blush. "You did?"

"Yeah." Then she let out a long sigh. "But I heard there's a drought on the way, so I thought it'd be best to save water. You might get some noodles on you, and I misplaced a coupla chopsticks so if you could fish around in there for me that'd be great. There's soap in it already, though, so less work for you I guess."

"Alright, that's enough," he conceded, shaking his head.

"Y'know in my home town I was considered a national hero." She blew on her nails and rubbed them on her chest for effect. "By the way, I put some surveys by the door if you wanna leave me your feedback. There's a mail-in portion that you can rip off the bottom, it'll give you ten percent off a membership to my fan club." So maybe Tai Lung had a point when he'd said she was prideful. She just couldn't help but gloat, at least while she still could.

He grimaced at her and shuffled toward the door. "On that note, I am going to go and try to forget that this day ever happened."

It occurred to her that for the first time ever, they were actually getting along. In a sick, dysfunctional sort of way, at least. She didn't expect it to last, though. "Hey, after you get some rest I expect you to be on your A game, got it?"

"You have no idea," he replied, a mean smile briefly present on his face before he left the kitchen.

* * *

A/N: Cram it in your cram hole, La Fleur! But in all seriousness... Galettes are akin to crepes, and the batter is very simple- made from buckwheat flour, water, and salt. There are no specific proportions for the batter- it's just mixed until the consistency seems right. I hear it's good to shoot for a consistency like melted ice cream. And now you should all go to davidlebovitz[dot]com.

Oh, right, the next chapter. Expect the following: more pointless arguments. Hooray!


	9. Laughter is the Best Sauce

A/N: Once again I want to send out a super-duper thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed so far! Ah, you keep me young. ;) Anyway, you know that feeling you get when you haven't slept for a while, like your eyes are burning? That's why this chapter is late. Also I've been sauced for the past week. Anyway, enjoy this Shifu-riffic chapter! It's on me- _this time_.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is in every way, shape, and form mine. Just kidding- it's all Dreamworks'.

* * *

Chapter 9: Laughter is the Best Sauce

* * *

Shifu stopped outside of the kitchen and listened to the sound of laughter on the other side of the door. It wasn't often that he heard Tai Lung laugh, and it was a welcome sound. Lin's laughter on the other hand... Well, not so much. He let out a heavy sigh and walked into the kitchen; he still had their exchange of the previous night on his mind. She'd been as confrontational as ever, but there'd been a confidence in her voice and in her mannerisms that he wasn't used to. She'd been exploiting his momentary weakness, and while her actions hadn't seemed malicious, he had gleaned from them that she was much more shrewd than he'd originally thought. His suspicion that she had an ulterior motive had only increased.

"Master Shifu!" Tai Lung greeted cheerfully, to Shifu's surprise. He hopped out of his seat and bowed so jovially that it hardly seemed formal or disciplined at all. "How are you?"

The question caught him off-guard, though he really should have expected it; Tai Lung had rushed to his side so readily that morning that it had been clear that he'd missed Shifu. Lin, of course, had made a point of telling him that Tai Lung had been worried in place of her usual jabs, which in a way was even worse. "...I'm fine," he finally answered wearily.

"Can Lin have dinner with us again?" was the next thing out of Tai Lung's mouth, and Shifu couldn't stop his eye from twitching.

"What?" He seemed to be asking that question a lot, since Lin had come to the Jade Palace.

"Pleeeaaase?" Tai Lung's eyes grew wide and watery as his ears drooped.

Shifu made a mental note to lecture Tai Lung about such blatantly babyish behavior, as well as the dangers of attempting to manipulate those around him (no doubt a tactic that Lin had taught him). For the time being, though... The adorable kitten act worked. "Very well."

"Thank you!" He took his seat again, a huge smile on his face. At least Tai Lung was happy.

"So..." He decided to attempt small talk; it wasn't one of his strong points, but he wanted to avoid an awkward silence, mainly because awkward silences were usually followed by highly inappropriate comments from Lin.

Speaking of whom... "Tonight's menu includes pea shoot and tofu dumplings with apricot mustard," she announced proudly as she served heaping piles of dumplings and hot tea to the table. "And before you say anything- why yes, I _am_ a genius."

Shifu frowned at the cockiness of the statement, but he really couldn't argue when the food looked and smelled so good.

"And, of course, some citrus herbal tea to go along with our dinner." The way she spoke one would think she'd grown the citrus trees, harvested the fruit, and blended the tea herself. "Anyway, dig in!" She dropped into her seat next to Shifu and took a long swig of her tea, eyeing him and Tai Lung expectantly.

Although he was skeptical, he had yet to dislike any of Lin's cooking, so he gave the meal a try; it was heavenly.

"Hey, this is pretty good," Tai Lung commented; he sounded surprised. "I don't even like pea shoots."

"You don't like _vegetables_," Lin corrected. "But that's alright, they're an acquired taste. And you should try to acquire said taste before that vegetable garden grows in."

"You really planted a vegetable garden?" Shifu asked, still a little skeptical of the claim.

"'Course I did. You think I'm gonna drag my- _self_- down a thousand stairs every day?" She snorted, as if the notion were unthinkable.

"Everyone else seems to get up and down them alright," he commented as off-handedly as possible; he was starting to learn what irritated her, and he wouldn't be a good teacher if he himself didn't learn from his experiences and apply his knowledge.

"Everyone else is a kung fu master," she replied, her tone just as casual.

"You're forgetting the servants."

"That's pretty easy, since I've never _seen_ 'em before." She was definitely annoyed.

"You wouldn't get along with them, anyway," he said simply, and rather than define his meaning he let the statement hang in the air.

Lin stared at him for a long time, apparently finally out of wisecracks for once, while Tai Lung shifted uncomfortably in his seat and watched the two of them. Finally, she spoke. "...What're you, like, a marmoset or something?" She popped a dumpling into her mouth, completely deadpan.

"No, I'm not a _marmoset_!" he snapped, realizing belatedly that losing his temper had probably lost him the fight. If they had even been fighting, which he was fairly sure they had. "I am a red panda," he finished calmly.

"Whatever," she dismissed; her interest had apparently shifted to her food.

"You are a toddler," he replied stiffly, then finished his meal as quickly as he could.

"Oh no," she said flatly. "My feelings were hurt by that one." She took a deliberately large bite of her dinner and stared at him as she chewed.

"Yum!" Tai Lung suddenly exclaimed, interrupting them. "This sure is... Sure is awesome. Yeah!" He glanced nervously back and forth between them, as if expecting an actual fist fight to break out. "I _love_ vegetables. They are just... So _good_ for me." He paused to eat a dumpling. "Mmmm!"

Lin just started laughing at him, which annoyed Shifu more than her usual guffaws. "Kid, you crack me up," she chuckled.

"He has a name," Shifu reminded her; after all, she was speaking to _his_ son.

She, of course, remained in good spirits. "Maybe you should get to bed early tonight. You're kinda cranky when you're tired. Y'know, like a colicky baby. Ugh, my little brother had colic when he was a baby, _so_ annoying how much they cry." She ate her last dumpling and leaned back. "You know how to calm down a colicky baby?"

"I don't want to know," he replied instantly.

"You rub warm olive oil on his stomach," she continued, as if he had never spoken. "Feeding 'em fennel water works, too."

If Lin's existence in his life was karma, the lesson was lost, because he had absolutely no idea what he could have done that was horrible enough to warrant such retribution.

"Hey, I should remember that!" Tai Lung exclaimed, to Shifu's surprise. "Y'know, in case I ever get a baby brother."

The surprise turned to unmitigated horror. "What makes you think that you are going to get a baby brother?" Shifu asked, and decided that some herbal tea would do him good at the moment.

"Well I'm already seven, so it's about time," Tai Lung replied, sounding as if he thought he were speaking reasonably. "I mean, _Lin's_ mom popped out _eight_ kids."

He spat the tea back out. "This is _not_ a dinner discussion!" he coughed, trying to dispel the hot citrus tea from his nasal passages. It was an embarrassing reaction, he had to admit, and it was made all the worse by the fact that Lin slapped him on the back in an attempt to help. He leaned as far away from her as possible, took a deep, calming breath, and then paused. "...Really? Eight?"

"Two brothers, five sisters," Lin clarified, though it was probably a lie.

He stared at her, then at Tai Lung. She was corrupting his son with her constant deceit and unabashed pride, and he had no idea how to stop her; the contemplation of that horrible fact was starting to give him a headache. "You know what?" he finally sighed. "I _am_ going to bed."

* * *

A warm breeze blew over the grounds of the Jade Palace and through the petals that were bursting into full bloom on many of the trees, gently pulling them loose of the branches and sending a flurry of pink and white across a very conspicuous plot of bare earth. This plot was on an unused piece of land between the barracks and the stadium; a small garden had once existed there, under the care of several palace servants, but it had long fallen into disuse. However, it appeared as though a garden would once again grace the sunny patch of grass.

Shifu had been skeptical of the existence of Lin's vegetable garden, but there it was in the light of the rising sun, and there was Master Oogway, pensively standing over it. Shifu hadn't expected to run into the apparently real garden or his master during his morning walk, so he approached with genuine curiosity."Master Oogway," he greeted.

The old turtle was carefully reading the labels that had been affixed to stakes and shoved crudely into various places throughout the soil. It was very clear that some of the characters had been written in Tai Lung's careful hand, while others were... Less elegant. The characters seemed rather combative, if he were to be honest; it was fitting that Lin would write in such a bold, outlandish way. To be honest, though, he was surprised that she was able to write at all- women and peasants normally didn't learn that sort of thing.

"This is quite a comprehensive garden," Oogway said, sounding impressed.

"I suppose," Shifu agreed reluctantly. "Tai Lung seems to like it."

"Indeed he does." He smiled knowingly at Shifu. "It is amazing, don't you think so? A tiny seed, tended to carefully, can grow into so many wonderful things."

Shifu had known Oogway long enough to know the difference between a casual comment and a life lesson. Still, he was rarely able to understand his master's meaning until much later. For now, he simply nodded in agreement.

"Are you still feeling troubled, old friend?" Oogway asked suddenly.

"I... I am simply remaining skeptical of... Our newest addition to the staff." He spoke as prudently as possible; throwing out insults in the kitchen was one thing, but speaking ill of Lin after Oogway's lecture about trust was another. "I am trying, Master, but... It is difficult for me."

"As it always has been." He turned toward the peach tree and motioned to Shifu with his staff.

Shifu followed readily and tried to think of a way to make Oogway understand that there was something not quite right about Lin. "I simply believe that there are certain things that she has chosen to keep from us," he settled on.

Oogway nodded in agreement, surprisingly enough. "I understand your reticence, Shifu. However, you must have patience. Time reveals many secrets."

"Yes, master," he agreed, although he really couldn't see how he could follow the advice.

"Perhaps if you spent a little more time relaxing." The old master's suggestion was very similar to Lin's, and it made Shifu frown. "Oh, it's not so bad," Oogway went on, upon seeing his expression. "Why not play your flute more often? You could help Lin and Tai Lung with the garden. Little things like that." They had reached the peach tree, and Oogway paused to reach up and gather a handful of pink petals. "The little things in life are sometimes the things that make us happiest, Shifu."

"I see," he muttered.

"We could play mahjong," Oogway continued, and headed back down the slope with the peach petals, to scatter them across the moon pool as was his morning ritual.

"I suck at mahjong," Shifu reminded him, though it was probably the reason he'd suggested the game in the first place.

Oogway just chuckled. "Why not try out what Lin and Tai Lung did for fun, while you were gone?"

"And what is that?"

"Rolling around in the mud."

"I should have known," he sighed, shaking his head. He'd had no doubt that the moment he left the Jade Palace Lin would distract Tai Lung from his training, but to roll in the mud... His childhood was long gone, but even he was aware of how ridiculous rolling in the mud for fun was. "This is the kind of thing I've been talking about. She is beginning to _influence_ Tai Lung- that vegetable garden, rolling around in the mud, and last night he was talking about having a baby brother. A _brother!_" His eye twitched just thinking about the subject. "Who knows what kinds of crazy ideas he'll get into his head next."

"Yes," Oogway agreed as they approached the Sacred Hall of Heroes; Shifu had admittedly not expected that. "Next thing you know, Tai Lung will be thinking that he is a seven-year-old child."

He _had_ expected that. "He's a smart boy, and he should know better than to listen to that- that _nincompoop_." He normally wouldn't have spoken so brashly in front of his master, but he had gotten a little worked up.

They entered the Sacred Hall of Heroes as they spoke, and before Oogway had a chance to dole out more vague wisdom, they were interrupted; Shifu could've sworn he heard a squeak, yet there was nobody in sight.

"A little help, please," a tiny voice suddenly called out.

He recognized the voice immediately and couldn't contain a groan of utter frustration.

Oogway simply chuckled. "Oh my! How on earth did you manage that?"

Shifu followed his Master's gaze to a point about halfway up one of the jade pillars, where Lin was holding on for dear life. "What... _Why_...?" He couldn't find any words to describe how perplexing the sight was.

"I wanted a better view of the floor," she answered.

"Are you _insane?_" He didn't see why she could possibly want to look at the _floor_ of all things.

"It _is_ quite a lovely design," Oogway agreed casually.

"Exactly! Once I realized the designs represented the five elements- wood, fire, metal, water, and earth- I had to get a better look!" Her eyes glazed over and she stared down at the floor, completely out of it. Then she slipped a little, and with a yelp held onto the column tighter. "I'm stuck, now."

"I would help you, but these old bones aren't what they used to be." Oogway turned his gaze to Shifu.

"Fine," he sighed, rolling up his sleeves and heading toward the column.

"Wait!" Lin suddenly called out.

He stopped, alarmed at her urgency. "What is it?"

"I didn't notice that part over in the corner before..." She craned her neck back, once again completely oblivious to the world around her.

Shifu rolled his eyes and readied himself for the inevitable; of course, he was right, and Lin fell right off the column in her effort to look at the floor. With ease, he jumped into the air and caught her mid-fall, landing right back where he'd stood. He tried to put her down, but she was clutching tightly to his collar, her hair standing on end and her teeth clenched together. "Please get off of me."

"Oh!" She stumbled away from him, brushing herself off. "Thanks... For that." She cleared her throat, then straightened up and took on a much more nonchalant tone. "Well, breakfast isn't gonna cook itself! Thanks, again." She made a beeline for the door, smiling to Oogway as she passed him. "Peach blossoms, nice, romantic stuff there. You two have fun!"

Shifu's eye twitched as he watched her go. "_What_ did she just say?"

"I believe it was a joke." Oogway slowly shuffled up to the moon pool and began scattering the peach petals. Then, he let out a soft chuckle. "I cannot believe you said 'nincompoop.'" He paused to shake his head. "You sound so _old_."

* * *

The fact that Lin was capable of calligraphy had not left Shifu's mind since that morning, and so, despite every fiber of his being wanting to be as far away from her as possible, he decided to make an afternoon visit to the kitchen. He had a feeling that it was somehow connected to whatever she was planning to do in the Valley of Peace; at the very least he might be able to learn something about her mysterious past. He sincerely hoped, however, that she had remained in good spirits since he'd seen her in the morning; he'd noticed her tendency to be moody, and if she was cranky the conversation would be a lot more difficult. It would also probably be a lot more mind-numbing.

Lin was arranging utensils and bowls on the countertop, obviously preparing to make something. "Whaddaya want?" she asked, without turning around.

He had to admit, he was just slightly impressed that she'd been able to sense his presence. "Oh, nothing," he replied, hoping that a more casual approach would yield results. "I _did_ notice something today, that perhaps you could tell me about."

"Uhuh," she said, her tone completely uninterested.

He tried not to let her apparent boredom get to him; it was probably just an act. "I noticed that you can write," he said, and carefully gauged her response.

Lin seemed startled by the comment, which immediately told him that she had something to hide. "I guess you could say that," she replied vaguely as she poured some flour into a bowl.

"It's rather unusual," he continued, hoping to get some information out of her. "I'm sure you're aware of that."

"You saying that I _shouldn't_ know how to write?" She stopped making... Whatever she'd been making, and turned to face him.

"That- that's not what I meant," he answered quickly; he should have known that she would start a fight.

"So you're saying that _women_ shouldn't know how to write," she continued, crossing her arms despite her hands being covered in flour.

"No! No, that's _not_ what I'm saying." He should probably have just given up and left, but he wanted to save face. "I'm saying that that's how things _are_, not how they _should_ be."

She still looked skeptical, but it looked as though she'd been somewhat appeased. "Okay."

"But your style of writing is quite strange," he went on. "I saw it on those signs in the garden."

"Oh, you saw the garden!" She went back to work on whatever was in her bowl, her tone suddenly much more cheerful. "Whaddaya think? It's just dirt right now, sure, but it's gonna have a lotta variety. Cabbage, onions, carrots, potatoes-"

"That's nice," he interrupted, still focused on his goal. "Where did you learn to write, anyway?"

"Oh, around," she replied airily. "Oh, I also planted some herbs in there, so we'll have fresh herbs, too. Isn't that exciting?"

He narrowed his eyes at her back; she was deliberately trying to throw him off. "Yes, exciting," he agreed. "And what exactly does 'around' mean?"

"It means 'around!' Like, in multiple places. If you're interested in the calligraphy style, I picked that up from some pirates-"

"Please spare me the blatant lies," he sighed. He could see that she was planning on taking the conversation around in circles, and he didn't want to waste his time listening to complete rubbish.

"Fine," she said, sounding rather smug. "By the way, d'you like curry?"

"Curry?"

"Y'know, spicy food. Indian in origin. Often served with rice and naan bread." She pointed to the bowl she'd been working in. "You know what naan is, right? Unleavened bread made with yogurt."

"Spicy food disagrees with me," he admitted reluctantly.

"It tends to do that with _older_ people." She turned back to her task, apparently unmoved by his subtle request for a change in meal plan. "Especially men," she added.

"I don't want curry," he stated, plain and simple.

"I'll make some mild for you."

He blinked, caught off-guard by how agreeable she was being. "That's it?" he asked, wondering what kind of catch she had up her sleeve. "You're just going to accommodate me without arguing?"

"If you stop bothering me about the fact that I can write, then yes, I will accommodate you."

He raised one eyebrow, considering her offer. It occurred to him that it was her job to make what he asked her to, but the chances of something horrific ending up in his food if he argued were too high. "Very well," he agreed, albeit reluctantly. "And don't make it too heavy, either."

"Gotchya, boss," she replied. "Now get outta here, you're bothering me."

"Don't talk to me like that."

She shrugged. "It was worth a try." Then she gave him a hearty pat on the shoulder. "Seriously, though, I need to get to work if I'm gonna have dinner ready on time."

"Very well," he agreed, and decided to head to the training hall; he doubted he'd be able to pry any information out of her, anyway. He was almost at the training hall by the time he realized that he had a large white hand-print on his shoulder.

* * *

A/N: Man, this chapter had some real challenges... I tried to keep in mind that Oogway's not just a wise old kung fu master, he's also Shifu's friend. And I think Shifu would probably open up to him a little bit more than anyone else, even though he doesn't mean to.

I also realized that it's been nine chapters of basically nothing happening... Which I'm sure I write in every author's note (or at least half of them) so... NEXT CHAPTER. GET READY FOR SUMPIN' HAPPENIN'. It's not that exciting, though.

Also of note: By the next time I post a chapter, I will have a bachelors degree. I suggest you begin girding your loins now.


	10. If It Smells Bad

A/N: Yeaaaahhhh events! Events occur in this chapter! So exciting! Thanks again for reading and reviewing, everyone. Anyway, on with the next exciting installment!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks and also Nickelodeon now, apparently.

* * *

Chapter 10: If It Smells Bad, It Will Taste That Way Too

* * *

Tai Lung groaned as he shuffled into the kitchen for dinner, holding his back; he felt like he was being repeatedly beaten by the spiked side of one of the seven swinging clubs of instant oblivion. Even the simple act of standing upright sent pain shooting from his hips straight up to his neck. "Lin!" He grasped the edge of the table and began to gingerly lower himself into his seat.

"Yeah, what-" She abruptly stopped when she caught sight of him. "What happened?"

"Just training," he grunted, then finally managed to get into a sitting position. He closed his eyes and sighed, relieved to be off his feet. When he opened them again he nearly jumped back out of his chair; Lin looked _really_ pissed off. "Uh... Could I have some tea... Please?"

Her expression instantly softened. "Of course, dear." She immediately put on a pot of water to boil, while Tai Lung watched her, confused.

As far as he could recall, "dear" was definitely not something he would expect to hear out of her mouth, ever. The closest Lin came to an affectionate nickname was when she called him "kid," and even that seemed unusual for her. "Are you okay?"

"_Me?_" She already had a teapot and a set of cups out, ready and waiting for the boiling water. "I should be asking _you_ that! I mean, didya throw out your back or something?"

"I think so."

"_What?_ You're a _kid!_" She was absolutely fuming over his injury. "What the _hell_ is wrong with Shifu?"

"Huh?" He still couldn't believe her reaction; at the most he'd expected some affronted muttering or maybe a joke about his back, but definitely not enraged shouting. "Why're you so angry? I can probably sleep it off."

"Yeah, but- but-" She paused, her brow furrowing.

"You're _worried!_" he suddenly realized.

"Am _not_," she shot back, crossing her arms.

"Yuh-huh. You're pissed because you're _worried_ about me!" He grinned widely, leaning back in his seat. "Man, and you think you know a person."

She let out a low grunt, then poured him some tea. "Well, y'know, it coulda been a lot worse than just throwing your back out, like you coulda _broken_ your back. So why shouldn't I be worried, huh?" She set down the tea in front of him, but before he had a chance to drink, she was grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to turn around in his seat. "C'mon, lemme take a look."

"Why? You're not a doctor- are you?" He attempted to look over his shoulder and see what she was doing, but she actually grabbed his head and turned it forward.

"Keep looking straight ahead, and tell me when it hurts." Her tone was serious, but Tai Lung still had doubts about how well she knew what she was doing.

"Ouch!" he cried out at a sharp pain in his lower back.

"And up here?"

"Argh!" There was another in his shoulder. "Will you _stop_ it? It hurts everywhere!"

"I'm gonna soak a rag in cold water for you, and then I'll keep some hot water on for another one." She stood up and resumed her usual bustling around the kitchen, still looking pretty angry.

"What's that gonna do?" He watched her as best he could, though his stiff back wasn't helping.

"You put the cold rag on for fifteen minutes and the hot one on for another fifteen. It relaxes the muscles, reduces swelling, and relieves pain."

"How do you know that?" He supposed she really _did_ know what she was talking about, though it was a bit perplexing. He'd expect Lin to know about food, and maybe a few other unlikely subjects, but not medicine.

"It's just basic knowledge, the kinda thing that everyone learns once they're older. You should probably remember this for later." She slapped a cold, wet rag onto his back, and he would have jumped out of his chair at the feeling if it wasn't for his injury.

"Don't overreact, okay?" He had a feeling that things would get ugly when Master Shifu showed up for dinner. "I'll be fine. This kinda thing happens all the time."

"_All the time?_" she repeated, her tone far too harsh for his liking. "And what's _that_ mean?"

"Nothing!" He grabbed his tea and started gulping it down, hoping to use it as an excuse to end the conversation.

"_Fine_," she grumbled. "Well, at least I got a nice, healthy dinner for you."

"Aww," he whined, which was more of an instant reflex than anything else.

"It's tofu wrapped in pandan leaves and steamed over oolong tea, with snow peas and water chestnuts on the side." She sounded rather proud of herself as she recited her menu. "So you better eat it- or else."

"Or else what?" Shifu walked into the kitchen, his eyebrows raised at the conversation.

Tai Lung just silently prayed that there wouldn't be bloodshed.

Luckily, Lin simply ignored him, and instead chose to set the table. "You ready for dinner?" The question was clearly directed only at Tai Lung.

"Uh, yes," he answered, sitting stiffly in his chair for reasons other than his sore back. He waited nervously for Shifu to get angry at Lin as she started making plates for the three of them, but luck was once again with him.

"That depends on what you mean by 'ready,'" Shifu grumbled as he took his usual seat at the table, and left it at that.

Lin once again ignored him as she bustled over with their meal. "Here you go, Tai Lung," she said in the sweetest tone of voice he'd ever heard from her as she gently placed his plate in front of him. Then, she turned to Master Shifu. "Eat," she ordered harshly, and literally dropped the plate on the table. She dropped into her chair at the table with her own dinner and immediately dug in, a frown on her face as she, for once, chewed slowly and glared balefully off into space.

"Is there a problem?" Shifu asked, sounding irritated.

"Nothing," she answered shortly, and took another large bite.

Tai Lung wasn't sure if there was anything he could do to ease the tension in the room this time, so he decided it would be wisest to finish off his dinner as quickly as possible and leave the adults to bicker on their own terms. So, with a determination and gusto that he rarely showed for anything other than kung fu, he shoveled his food into his mouth. He was pretty sure that he ended up swallowing most of his tofu whole. "I'm done!" he shouted the moment he swallowed his last mouthful, and attempted to leap from his chair so quickly that he almost cried out from the pain that shot through his back.

"Hold it." Surprisingly enough, it was Lin who had stopped him. She walked over to the stovetop, grabbed a rag, and dipped it into one of the pots. She rung it out, then walked up to Tai Lung and grabbed the cold rag from his back, slapping the hot one on in its place. "Lay down with that, fifteen minutes, then get some sleep."

"Yes'm," he replied quickly. "Goodnight, Master." He did his best to bow, then fled the scene as fast as his feet (and back) would carry him. He may have been young, but he knew an impending throw-down when he saw one coming, and he did _not_ want to be caught in the middle of it.

* * *

Dinner since Tai Lung's sudden retreat had gone by silently, which had made the passage of time feel painfully slow. As Shifu put his dishes into the wash basin, he felt immensely relieved that the meal had ended. However, Lin's bad attitude had been grating on his nerves all night. He could barely tolerate her when she was in a _good_ mood, let alone when she was sullen and snappish. Her ire seemed to be directed specifically at him, and he wanted to find out why- mostly so he could berate her for her childish behavior.

"_Excuse_ me," she grumbled as she stepped around him to start washing the dishes.

He would have liked to handle the situation calmly, but he had been trying to be helpful and nothing got on his nerves more than a lack of gratitude. "What is your problem?" he snapped.

"Nothing," she replied in clipped tones, scrubbing furiously at the dishes in the wash bin.

"Well you're getting on my nerves," he replied.

"Oh, am I?" She dropped the dish she'd been washing into the bin with a splash and glared at him. "I wouldn't wanna make _you_ uncomfortable, since you're such a _special little flower_."

"Do you have any idea how close I am to firing you?" he shot back, bristling at the insult.

She just ignored him and went back to washing dishes. After a moment's silence, though, she spoke again. "_Maybe_ you should be talking to Tai Lung right now, instead of bothering me."

"Is that what this is about?" He couldn't believe that Lin was getting defensive over an injury that _his_ son had sustained. "Tai Lung's injury is a standard result of the intense training a student of kung fu must go through to become a master," he clarified. "There is nothing for _you_ to be upset over."

Once again, she ignored him.

Shifu admitted that he had a short fuse to begin with, but her silence was completely unacceptable. "Oh, get over yourself!" He raised his voice, something he rarely ever did. "You don't understand _anything_ about kung fu, or Tai Lung's training, so who are you to judge?"

Lin scrubbed at the dishes in the wash basin, still refusing to look up at him. "I never _said_ anything."

"That's just it!" He was finally able to voice what it was about her that bothered him so much. "You _want_ to say something, everyone can _tell_ you want to say something! You _act_ like you're _going_ to say something, but you keep your mouth shut until I'm out of the room."

She had stopped washing the dishes, but she still refused to look up, and she was completely silent. She appeared to be thinking about what he'd said, rather than just stubbornly ignoring him, though.

"You know what?" he went on, encouraged by her silence. "You're just the cook, so you mind your own business, and I'll mind mine. Do you think that you can handle that?"

"Yeah," she muttered, backing away from the sink. Then, she threw the sponge at him. "Consider that my notice. I quit."

He stared at her, his eyes wide; he'd suspected just about anything but that.

"Surprised? Maybe I shoulda waited 'till you were outta the room." She took her apron off and threw that at him, too. "Have a good life, _boss_." And with that, she stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Shifu to stand there, completely speechless.

He should have been happy that she was leaving; and, to be truthful, part of him was jumping for joy. The other part of him, however, was very uncertain about how this turn of events would work out. His worry was that Oogway would see Lin's departure as a sign that Shifu had not followed his advice in the area of trust, and the last thing he wanted to do was to disappoint his master.

Actually, that wasn't technically true. The last person he wanted to disappoint was Tai Lung. While he absolutely despised the thought of Lin holding any influence over his son whatsoever, his feelings on the matter were outweighed by the thought of the look on Tai Lung's face upon hearing the news of her departure. Shifu would undoubtedly be blamed for it, as well. And, while he was loath to admit it, it was clear that Lin had quickly become Tai Lung's first and only friend. The kung fu master in Shifu told him that Tai Lung could tough it out and get over the separation, while the father in him worried ceaselessly about the loneliness and disappointment that would surely ensue.

The decision was a difficult one to make, but he grudgingly came to the conclusion that he should probably ask Lin to stay. For the time being, at least. He briefly wondered as he finally left the kitchen if he would ever come to regret any decision more than he already regretted the one he'd just made.

* * *

Lin hadn't spent much time packing her things; there wasn't much to pack, anyway. She was already on her way, walking down the steps that separated the barracks from the main entrance of the Jade Palace. It was an unusually clear night, so most of the grounds were clearly visible, including the peach tree. As she stared at the peach tree, already missing the wonderful peaches it produced, she noticed a figure standing beneath it. She narrowed her eyes and tried to focus more clearly, but she couldn't make out exactly who it was. It didn't matter, though; she had a strong feeling that it was Tai Lung. She should have known that he would never go straight to bed after dinner.

While she knew it would be prudent to simply leave, she couldn't bring herself to do it. So, against every self-preservation instinct that had kept her in one piece up until then, she decided to say goodbye. She wondered how she was going to say it as she climbed the stairs to the peach tree, but she came up with absolutely nothing. She supposed she'd just wing it.

"Hey, kid." Lin patted Tai Lung softly on the shoulder; she could swear he'd already grown in the short time she'd been there. He was already taller than she was.

"Oh, hey." He glanced at her, then looked back out at the valley. "I'm not that hurt, by the way. Well, it does hurt, but it could be worse. I just... Don't want you to worry too much. And you and Master Shifu don't really need another reason to fight..." He shrugged, then winced. "I'm okay... Okay?"

She couldn't bring herself to do anything but nod.

"It's not like you're my mom or anything," he muttered.

"Right," Lin managed to choke out, then cleared her throat. "Right," she said in a normal tone of voice. "So... Yeah. I, um, came up here to tell you something, actually."

"What?" He looked at her so casually, like he wasn't expecting any kind of important news at all.

"Well, I..." She didn't know what she was expecting, anyway. Maybe he wouldn't even be upset to know that she was leaving. Maybe he wouldn't even care. "I, uh..." But for some reason, she just couldn't say it. "I kinda pissed Shifu off," she finished lamely.

He shook his head at her, sighing.

She sat down, patting the spot next to her. "C'mon, siddown."

Tai Lung took the invitation, groaning and rubbing his back as he sat down. "How come you act all worried about what people think of you, then do and say stuff that's like... You know, like you don't really care?"

She sighed, leaning against the trunk of the peach tree. "I _do_ worry, it's just that I gotta be myself." She started picking at the grass by her, feeling more awkward by the minute. It had been a long time since she'd had so much trouble saying goodbye to someone.

"Yeah." He started to stretch, but winced at the pain. "But you don't even _like_ Master Shifu, and you're always actin' all like you want him to like you..."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting your boss to like you," she sniffed. "It makes work easier."

"Maybe you just shouldn't try so hard."

She laughed loudly and ruffled the fur on his head. "Jeez, kid, you know that guy better 'an I do and you're telling me not to try so hard."

He laughed a little bit. "Yeah, I guess when it comes to Master Shifu you just have to try hard, no matter what."

"I don't mind." She stood up, brushing herself off. "I always had to work twice as hard to get half as far as everyone else. I'm used to it by now." She paused, willing herself to finally come out and say what she'd been trying to say to begin with. "Well, g'night, kid." As usual, she'd failed miserably.

"Yeah, goodnight."

"Don't stay up too late," she added. "And put another compress on your back before bed."

"_Okay_," he replied, rolling his eyes at her. "Goodnight!"

"Right. Seeya." She made a break for it, because she knew that if she stayed even a minute longer she wouldn't be able to leave. And that was a very dangerous thing to do.

She thought more about her actions as she walked through the theater, towards the front gates. Her departure was probably more of a rash act of anger than anything else, but she'd been getting far too comfortable at the Jade Palace, anyway. She pushed open one of the large doors and headed toward the one thousand stairs that led into the valley; it was hard to believe that she was already on her way out.

"Wait!"

Lin heard Shifu shout behind her, but just shook her head and kept walking. She'd traveled enough to know when to ignore a man shouting at her. Besides, she had made her decision and she wasn't about to stick around for someone who didn't even like her. She stopped, though, when Shifu suddenly appeared in front of her, blocking her path.

"You can't _really_ quit."

She stared at him, waiting for him to move. It had to be some kind of joke.

"I mean it." He widened his stance, planting himself firmly in front of her. "You can't go."

She laughed at him, and laughed even harder when he didn't react. "R-really? Seriously?"

"Of course I'm serious!"

She couldn't stop laughing. "G-gimme a minute." She held up one hand, trying her best to calm herself; then, an idea came to her. "Hey, I got something for you." She shoved a hand into her bag and finally managed to quell her laughter.

Shifu looked like he was going to say something, but she interrupted him.

"Hold on, I got something _just_ for you... Since you like apples so much... Ah!" She found the apple she'd packed for a snack and handed it to him. "Now just take that, there, _just take it_."

He'd been hesitating, but he grabbed hold of it after she pretty much shoved it into his hands. "What-"

"Just bear with me here," she interrupted again. "Now, what I want you to do with that, y'know, is just take it- you got a good grip there?"

He stared at her, his eyebrows raised.

"Good. Just take it, and- now try to follow me here- you just _shove_ it-" she paused to illustrate the movement- "right up your ass." She shoved past him while he was still shocked by what she'd said.

"You can't just leave!" Of course, he followed her.

"I ain't one of your students you can order around," she replied, as calmly as possible. "And I ain't your cook anymore, either. I'm sure you'll be fine, you managed to feed yourself before I was around, so..." She trailed off, shaking her head.

"That's not the point."

She refused to look back at him.

"The point is... Tai Lung will, well- he'll miss you. Don't quit."

For reasons she could not even fathom, Lin stopped and turned around; she'd almost made it to the stairs, too. She narrowed her eyes at Shifu, who was standing only a few feet behind her. "'Don't quit,' huh?"

"_Please_ don't quit." He shifted uncomfortably as she glared at him.

"Okay," she agreed, because she was a pushover and because, even though she knew that she should leave and this was the perfect opportunity, she didn't want to go. Besides, she didn't have enough money saved up to leave, anyway. "But it'll cost ya."

"Fine," he agreed, pointing back toward the barracks. "You'll stay, right?"

"Yeah, I'm staying. If you give me a day off."

"A day off?" He didn't sound happy about that. "Okay, okay. A day off."

"A _real_ day off, I mean. Not, like, I'll just make breakfast and _then_ get the day off. I mean, you'll be on your own. The whole day."

"Agreed."

"And Tai Lung should get one, too," she added for good measure.

"_What?_"

"Goodbye." She started to turn back toward the stairs, but he stopped her.

"_Fine!_ Tai Lung, too."

"And you take a day off."

"Don't push it," he warned, frowning at her.

"Okay, okay. _Thank_ you." She started walking back to the barracks, and to her surprise, Shifu walked with her. She wasn't sure what to say, and he seemed to be done talking, as well. While she was capable of enjoying comfortable silence with a friend, Shifu was not her friend and the situation was far from comfortable. In the end, she kept her mouth shut until they reached the barracks. "Y'know, I only said that stuff 'cause I thought I'd never have to face you again," she admitted quietly.

"I know," he huffed.

"D'you want me to tell you what I'm thinking to your face, from now on?" she continued, stopping outside the doors. She had to admit, she was still a little angry, and she had a bad habit of holding onto a grudge.

"I... I don't know." He rolled the apple back and forth in his hands.

"Nah, you don't wanna hear me say anything at all, right?"

He had the good sense to look sheepish at that.

She grabbed the fruit from him. "And I want this back. Have a g'night, boss." And with that, she headed to her room to unpack her things.

* * *

A/N: It's a turning point! Hooray! Things are going to get a little dicey from here on in, but I'm sure you'll all gain some sort of sick pleasure from that. See y'all next time 'round.


	11. A Good Cook Never Cleans Up

A/N: Helloooooo again! I'm sorry for this lateness... All I can say is thank you, wonderful readers and reviewers, who put up with my inconsistent ass. I swear that some day- maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow- but _some day_ I will stop being a bum. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my incredibly late chapter.

Dislcaimer: One o' these days, Dreamworks- bang, zoom, straight to the moon!

* * *

Chapter 11: A Good Cook Never Cleans Up

* * *

Shifu woke up in the morning with a tight knot of anxiety in his stomach. He had officially dug his own grave. He hoped sincerely as he headed to the kitchen for breakfast that Lin would act as if the events of the night before had never happened. Unfortunately, it was clear from her smug grin the moment she saw him that his hopes were in vain.

"Breakfast is almost ready," she said, sounding as if she were on the verge of laughter. "Please, have a seat."

He refrained from speaking; he feared that if he did he would lose his temper again, and this was probably a bad morning to do so. "Where is Tai Lung?"

"He looked like hell, so I sent him back to bed," she replied simply.

"What?" He turned to glare at her with narrowed eyes, but she was facing the stovetop. "And what makes you think that you can do that?"

"What're you gonna do, fire me?" she shot back, then had the audacity to actually _laugh_.

"If you think you can act like you're in charge around here just because I asked you not to quit, then you are mistaken," he ground out. "As I have pointed out repeatedly, you should be grateful to be here."

"I am!" Lin began in an extremely pleasant tone as she plated his breakfast and walked up behind him. Then, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "And I just want you to know, now that we've come to the understanding that you couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment on your son's face if you ever fired me, that from now on I'm gonna bust your balls so hard you'll wish you were a eunuch." She smiled warmly at him, then dropped a plate full of fresh fruit and thin, sweet-smelling pancakes in front of him. "Enjoy your breakfast!"

"Thanks," he grumbled, glaring down at the plate. It was going to take a miracle for him to bounce back from this disaster. He tried to think of something, _anything_ he could do to level the playing field, but he just kept drawing blanks.

If he had any hope of reigning in Lin, he was going to need to find out more about her. He realized as he tried to think of what he already knew, that she had managed to remain as mysterious as the day she arrived. He still had no idea where she'd come from, or what she was doing in the Valley of Peace. He supposed that the best way to find out would be to simply question her in a straightforward manner, assuming she even answered him. Still, if he gave her the day to gloat her guard would be down and she might slip and reveal something important. He decided to wait until after dinner, and then he would strike.

"Hey." Lin swatted his arm, bringing him out of his reverie. "Listen when I'm talking to you. Anyway, we're doing soup for dinner, and it's gonna have some spice in it. Now, I know that gives you massive diarrhea, so whaddaya want instead?"

He couldn't remember a time in his life when his eye had ever twitched more.

* * *

Shifu readied himself for battle; dinner had been admittedly delicious, a recipe that Lin claimed to have learned from some missionaries from Thailand, or something of the sort. He had a sneaking suspicion that his soup had been much less spicy than Lin's an Tai Lung's, since they'd both been blowing their noses regularly throughout the meal, and Tai Lung had actually needed a break from his dinner. He was relieved that she'd actually made his meal mild, though he did feel bad for Tai Lung.

Lin was now cleaning up the kitchen, and Tai Lung had gone for his nightly meditation, so this was the perfect time to question her.

"So I was thinking of making douhua for dessert tomorrow night," she suddenly blurted out once she noticed that he was lingering.

"I don't think you should be making dessert so often," he replied sternly. "It's too much sugar."

"So you don't like douhua." She grabbed a wet rag and started wiping down the kitchen table with it.

"No, I like it just fine. However, a practitioner of kung fu must have certain dietary restrictions." Although, he _was_ a fan of the sweet tofu pudding.

"Okay, then," she sighed, sounding as if she hadn't taken anything that had just been said to her seriously. "I'll slice up some fruit, instead. After all, you gotta end a meal with something sweet."

"No, you really don't," he argued. He realized that he was letting her get on his nerves far too soon, and reminded himself that he was going to need patience to get through this conversation.

"Huh. Y'know, I never realized that you, a kung fu master, knew more about how to serve a meal than me, a cook. What a world we live in." She crossed the room to the wash basin and began working on the dishes.

"I certainly know more than you do about what to feed my son," he snapped. Perhaps patience was overrated, but then he realized that he had an opportunity to ease her into some questioning. "Where did you pick up a habit like that, anyway?"

"If you can make it, you should eat it," she replied.

"And why is that?" He tried to sound like he was actually interested and not just humoring her.

"Because everyone eats, but not everyone cooks." She seemed determined to answer him with what she appeared to think were little gems of wisdom.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "And where did you learn to cook?"

"At home, of course."

"Home? Where was that?"

She raised her eyebrows at him, frowning a little. "You're gonna keep asking me these dumb questions, aren't you?"

He had apparently asked something that she didn't want to answer, so of course he wasn't about to stop. Still, he didn't think he'd be able to think of a response that didn't further offend her. While he was normally a much more decisive and forceful person, he needed to show _some_ subtlety, at least, so he settled for a non-committal shrug.

With a heavy sigh, she stopped washing dishes and grabbed a towel. Then, she threw it at him; he caught it, of course, but he was still annoyed by her gall. "Look," she snapped. "I'm instating a new rule. _No one_, including you, is allowed to loiter around here and _badger_ me while I wash dishes- without helping. If you wanna play twenty questions, get drying."

"I think you are forgetting whose hospitality you are living off of." He couldn't believe her attitude; it made him miss the days when she would stutter out insults under her breath.

"Oogway's," she replied shortly. "And if you won't get out, I'll just have to pretend you're not here."

"That's ridiculous! I have a right to know whether or not you're some crazy serial killer or shiftless bum or bandit- or whatever you are."

She just kept washing dishes.

"If you won't answer me, I could fire you!" he threatened. He realized that it was an empty threat, and apparently so did Lin, because she refused to acknowledge his presence. "_Fine_." Despite everything in his nature, he gave into her and walked up to the wash basin. "I'll ask you again: where are you from?" He grabbed a bowl and started drying it.

"That has nothing to do with who I am now," she replied. "Yesterday is history."

He glared at her, but that seemed to be the end of her answer. He tried his best not to let her see how much she was irritating him. "Then what do you want here? What is your goal?"

"Tomorrow is a mystery," she said serenely, setting another plate in front of him. "But today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

"Do you want me to dry these dishes or not?" he grumbled.

"You didn't like my impression of Oogway?" She laughed at the unamused expression on his face. "Fine, fine. Ask me something relevant, and maybe I'll give you a straight answer. Also, put those away when you're done drying them."

He couldn't believe she was actually ordering him around. "Are you serious?"

"I don't know, are you going grey?" She raised her eyebrows at him, and put another wet dish on the countertop.

"I am _not_." For some reason, he took the dry dishes and headed for the nearest cabinet. "And for your information, I can see right through-"

"Wrong cabinet," she interrupted.

"What does it matter?"

"Wrong is wrong," she replied stubbornly. "Put the dishes back in the right place, please."

He was starting to think that solving the mystery of who Lin was, exactly, wasn't worth the trouble. He reached for another cabinet.

"Nope!" she called out; he didn't even see her turn around.

He reached for another one.

"No, wrong."

He tried one more time.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Then _you_ put the dishes away!" he snapped. "You obviously know where they're 'supposed' to go."

"Okay, you clean and _I'll_ dry and put them away." She walked up to him and yanked the dishes out of his hands. Then, to his utter annoyance, she put them in the first cabinet he'd tried.

He decided to let it go in favor of asking more questions; he walked up to the basin and began washing dishes, watching her carefully from the corner of his eye as she dried. "You seem to be getting rather close with Tai Lung; why is that?"

She shrugged, completely unconcerned. "I just like him. He's a funny kid."

"So you like children?"

"Not really. I'm neutral toward them, in general. D'you like kids?" She grinned at him, but he wasn't sure what she meant by it.

"I do," he huffed. "Why did you come to the Valley of Peace?"

"I thought it would live up to its name," she replied cryptically.

"So you wouldn't say you led a peaceful life up until now?"

"Whose life _isn't_ chaotic?" She grabbed the plate he'd been washing from him and started drying it. "Try to pay attention to the dishes."

He decided to switch topics slightly, hoping to catch her off-guard. "Why don't you let anyone see your room?"

"I believe in upholding a right to personal privacy." She shrugged. "And it's messy."

"So you expect me to believe that you are absolutely normal and well-meaning?"

"I never said _that_." She waggled her eyebrows at him, and he felt the overwhelming urge to simply drop the subject and leave.

"Fine, I'll give you one more chance. Since you apparently see all my questions as 'irrelevant,' what about you _is_ relevant?" He had her cornered with that one; if she lied, he was certain he'd be able to tell.

"Let's see..." She picked up the dried dishes and began putting them away. "I like to drink, sometimes. Hard liquor, wine... Whatever catches my fancy, really. I don't drink on the job." She gave him a pointed look, and he cleared his throat, wondering perhaps if he was a little too predictable. "Also, I like to work," she continued. "I don't like having nothing to do; luckily enough for me, that's never the case. And I don't like going to bed, 'cause that's a whole eight hours of just lying around. I wanna be more productive 'an that. Also, I don't have a favorite color. I think they're all equal. I think that's about it."

"So... All you do is work and drink and you don't have a favorite color?" He was skeptical, to say the least. He also suspected that her admission to liking hard work was simply a ploy to get on his good side.

"Whatsamatter, am I too boring for you?"

"It's not a lot to go on," he clarified.

"Well, if you ask me the only real way to gauge whether someone's trustworthy or not is to get to know them as a person. And that kinda thing can't really be done with a quick summary." She eyed him for a moment, as if he were the one on the spot. "You gonna keep washing, or are you done?"

"I'm not done yet." He scrubbed at the dishes a little more vigorously. "What would you say is your worst trait?"

"What'd _I_ say? That's a dumb question. Whadda _you_ think's my worst trait?"

"You want me to pick just one?"

She laughed at that, to his utter bewilderment. "You're pretty funny for someone with no sense of humor."

"That _wasn't_ a joke," he huffed. "Why must you laugh at _everything?_"

"'Cause everything is funny, if you look at it the right way." She began pacing the room, and Shifu suspected that she would begin some sort of diatribe about optimism or some other nonsense. "Y'see, I have a sense of humor that most people find unusual. Some have described it as infantile, vile, and heartless. But it all comes down to self-awareness. For instance, say someone trips and falls in a crowded place; everyone who sees it wants to laugh, but they don't, and not outta common courtesy. They don't laugh 'cause they're worried about what other people'll thinka 'em. That ain't a problem for me, 'cause I already know that nobody's gonna like me either way. So what I think is funny, everyone else finds funny, too; they just don't wanna admit it. Y'see what I'm getting at?" She paused near the door and crossed her arms, apparently waiting for a response.

He would be lying if he said that he didn't find her answer intriguing. "You've really thought this through, haven't you?" he mused.

"Yep! It's all about the collective _id_, y'know what I mean?" She grinned, then pushed the door open and walked out.

It took him a good few seconds to realize that she wasn't coming back. He stared down into the wash basin as the bitter realization that he'd been tricked into doing the dishes for her settled in. He wondered if she was more clever than she seemed or if it had just been a last-minute decision to leave him there, elbow-deep in filthy dish water.

He dropped what he was doing and trudged out into the hallway; Lin was nowhere in sight, of course. He doubted that she had returned to her room, so he walked out of the barracks and took a look around; he still couldn't see her anywhere. There was no way that she could have disappeared so quickly; he had seen the way she moved, and even at her fastest she wouldn't have been able to get out of his line of sight by then. He would have gone to search for her, but was stopped by a small cough that sounded behind him. He turned around to see Tai Lung standing in the doorway.

"Master, have you seen Lin?" He stood up a little straighter and crossed his arms behind his back.

Shifu tried to keep his eye from twitching at the fact that the first thing Tai Lung had said to him was an inquiry about Lin. "I am sure that whatever you needed from her, _I_ could help you with just as well." He paused to reconsider the offer. "Well, unless you wanted dessert."

"It's not that," Tai Lung replied quickly. "I just wanted to... Well, never mind."

"No, wait a minute. I mean it, whatever you needed Lin for I can help you with." He refused to believe that there was anything he couldn't do better than such a brash, inept person.

"It's nothing like that. I just wanted to talk."

"_I_ could talk."

Tai Lung briefly looked absolutely horrified, but had the good sense to quickly mask his reaction. "No, thank you, Master."

Shifu frowned at the reaction to his offer; he was most certainly capable of carrying on a casual conversation. "No, really. I can sit down and... And... I don't know, whatever the latest slang word for talking is."

"It's fine," he answered quickly. "I just wanted to ask Lin a question. About the vegetable garden. That's it."

Shifu somehow doubted that the vegetable garden was the only thing on his son's mind. "You're sure? Because I could-"

"Thanks, but I gotta go meditate some more." Tai Lung practically ran back inside, just to avoid him.

Shifu had to admit that he was jealous. Tai Lung normally didn't take too well to others, and yet in a mere month he was acting as if Lin was his closest friend. Shifu honestly couldn't say that he remembered the last time they had actually sat down and had a conversation, but that was the price he had to pay. He strove to be a good father and an even better master, and in the process he sacrificed a few smaller things. Trivial things like long meals and conversations, yet these were the tools Lin had used to gain Tai Lung's trust. And the closer Lin got to Tai Lung, the more out of touch Shifu felt.

Despite all of this, though, he would be lying if he said his life hadn't been that much more challenging since Lin had arrived- and he liked a good challenge.

* * *

Lin scratched herself and yawned as she stirred some rice porridge on the stovetop. She'd managed to find a decent dive bar the night before, and had ended up staying until closing. It was probably the first time since she'd left Shanghai that she'd been able to just sit around and enjoy being a barfly. She grinned to herself as she remembered those relatively carefree days; maybe she'd get lucky and get into a bar fight before she had to leave the valley, just like the old days.

She turned as she heard someone enter, and her smile widened when she saw Shifu sitting down at the table. "G'morning!" she greeted cheerfully.

"Is it, now?" he asked tightly, shooting a glare her way.

She suppressed the urge to laugh and spooned some porridge into a couple of bowls. "So how'd the dishes go last night?" she asked casually, placing a bowl in front of him.

Shifu's eye twitched at the question, and Lin snorted in amusement at the sight. "Where were you?" He dug into the porridge while somehow managing to glare at her sideways.

She sat down next to him with her own bowl and let out a long sigh. "Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, y'know?"

"And where would that be, exactly? Prison?"

"Nope, but close. A bar." She took great pleasure in the sour look on Shifu's face when she told him that.

"You tricked me into doing the dishes for you so you could go out drinking." He sounded pretty angry about it.

"Good cooks never clean," she replied casually. "Besides, it ain't all bad. Kinda like meditation, am I right?" She elbowed him playfully, which he didn't react to at all. "I toldya already, you gotta keep on your toes around me."

"You like to play petty games, do you?" He stood up abruptly and brushed himself off. "Very well. However, if you think you can suck me into your _plot_, then think again."

Lin furrowed her brow at the statement, thoroughly confused by Shifu's outright paranoia. "I have a plot?"

"Yes!" he snapped. "And just you remember: I'm _watching_ you."

"I thought that was illegal."

"_You're missing the point,_" he snapped.

"No, I'm not. It's just that after a while you're not really intimidating anymore." She took a bite of her porridge and raised her eyebrows at him as she chewed. "I mean, I already know that all your threats are completely empty. You're just blowing smoke."

He glared at her.

"Plus, you're kinda fluffy."

"That's _it_. I don't have to sit here and take this from you." He abruptly stood up from the table and walked out of the kitchen; he didn't even take his dishes to the wash basin like he usually did.

"Well _that_ was easy," Lin muttered to herself. She often marveled at how easy it was to get rid of Shifu, once she found just the right buttons to push. It was a skill she had developed and honed over the years, mostly thanks to her many siblings.

Tai Lung interrupted her thoughts when he walked into the kitchen, already biting into a ripe peach. "Hey, Lin. Did you just piss Master Shifu off again?" He plopped down in his seat, groaning at the sight of the rice porridge.

"First of all, I don't think kids are allowed to say 'pissed off,' but I'm not entirely sure. And second, rice porridge is good for you. Third, Shifu thinks I'm plotting against him."

"Yeah, he does that sometimes." He shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

"Y'know, it figures that outta everyone in this whole valley, I end up working for the one crazy paranoid kung fu fighting raccoon in the whole bunch."

"He's a red panda."

"Yeah, whatever." She leaned back in her seat and sighed. "Doesn't he realize that when he does that kinda stuff he's only making things more fun for me?" She realized as she spoke that she was probably a little too easily amused.

"Master Shifu doesn't think about fun," Tai Lung said matter-of-factly, and leaned over his porridge to sniff at it. "In case you haven't noticed by now."

"And yet he's getting so good at providing me with entertainment." She finished up the last of her porridge and pointedly raised her eyebrows at Tai Lung.

He grudgingly began to eat, and spoke with his mouth full. "Don't go getting yourself fired," he warned. "I mean, Master Shifu already wants you gone enough as it is, so I wouldn't give him any good excuses, if I was you."

Lin snorted at the warning; she wondered what Tai Lung would say if he knew that Shifu had just begged her to stay the other night. "Don't worry, I'll be careful," she reassured him.

He nodded at her with a contemplative expression that was, as usual, way too mature for him. "So where were you last night?" He took a huge bite of porridge, despite his earlier disdain.

"Nowhere special," she sighed. "Just some seedy bar."

"Aw, man. How come you didn't tell me?"

"'Cause you're not allowed to drink, _that's_ how come!" She narrowed her eyes at him, frowning. "Y'know, sometimes I wonder about you. You act all goody two-shoes, but _I_ think-"

"Gotta go!" he interrupted nervously, jumping up from the table. "Sorry, but I can't be late for training!" He rushed out of the room, leaving Lin to suspiciously contemplate his true nature on her own.

She supposed that even kids like Tai Lung shared that universal juvenile desire to get into trouble. Or maybe, just maybe, she was a bad influence. She didn't think so, though. She doubted anyone, even a kid, was influenced at all by her.

Well, her best role model as a child was a mean old woman and she'd turned out okay, so she supposed that Tai Lung would be alright with her hanging around for a couple of months. Besides, the kid was way too nice. He needed to mean up a little, as her grandmother would have put it. Lin sighed to herself, and as she stared at the dirty dishes her thoughts wandered back to Shifu. "Where _is_ that sucker when I need him?"

* * *

A/N: And there ya go! Hope you all noticed the little tribute to Cheers in there. I have about half of chapter 12 written already, so expect that one to actually be on time for once. (I hope). I'm not sure what else to say about the next chapter... There's a rainstorm? Yeah. It's pretty fitting, considering the current weather (it's been raining for two weeks). Well, see y'all later.


	12. The Harder the Shell The Sweeter the Nut

A/N: Welcome to chapter 12, wherein our intrepid heroes get caught in the rain and Shifu reminds us that, yes, he actually still is a kung fu master. I actually can't believe this is chapter 12, already! Where did the time go? Well, I hope you enjoy, and once again many thanks for reading, reviewing, and generally sticking around.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is still the property of Dreamworks, believe it or not.

* * *

Chapter 12: The Harder the Shell, The Sweeter the Nut

* * *

It was still spring in the Valley of Peace, yet it was inexplicably hot. The sky was grey and bright, and humidity hung heavy in the air. All in all, it was horrible weather for baking cookies. But that was exactly what Lin was doing, unfortunately. She couldn't think of what could have possibly possessed her to bake cookies when it was so incredibly hot and humid; the last thing she needed was the added heat of an oven. Still, all she had been able to think about for the past few days were her grandmother's almond cookies.

She resisted the urge to check on the cookies; she only needed to wait another five or so minutes. She remembered when she'd first learned the recipe, and asked her grandmother when they'd be ready. Her reply had been, "They're ready when they're ready. You'll know." In the end, it was her sense of smell that let her know when the cookies were ready. When they smelled good enough to eat, that was when she would know.

The real question at hand was: what should she do with the cookies? She contemplated serving them with some afternoon tea, which would surely incur a lecture from Shifu, but then it wasn't as if she cared whether or not he was angry at her. And there was really no use in baking cookies if she wasn't going to share them. Besides, she had a feeling that Tai Lung would really enjoy the recipe.

She took a good, deep whiff of the air, then removed the cookies from the oven. They appeared to be her best batch yet, but the true test was in the tasting. She immediately set to work boiling some water for tea to go with them, grinning to herself as she did. Nothing put a smile on her face quite like the scent of her grandmother's almond cookies. She grabbed one for herself (taste testing was always very important) and took a bite. They were perfect.

It wasn't long before the tea was done, and she made up a tray to bring to the training hall. She drifted off on her way there, her mind wandering to the near future, and what she was going to do, precisely. She had always been a fan of The Journey to the West, so perhaps she'd take a cue from the story and head to India. She could always travel south and take a ship there, but traveling west by foot was probably a more realistic plan; she didn't hold any illusions about what was and was not within her financial capability.

She blinked, snapping herself out of her thoughts once she realized she'd already reached the training hall. Lin pushed the door to the open and set her tray down on a nearby empty rack. "Helloooo," she called out, scanning the place for some sign of life. She didn't see Tai Lung anywhere, although she _did_ get an answer.

"Do you mind?" Shifu, of course, was sitting cross-legged on the opposite side of the training hall with some candles.

"What're you doing?" She narrowed her eyes a little and let her lip curl up.

"Don't give me that look." He stood up and brushed himself off, frowning. "What is so important that you needed to interrupt my meditation?"

"Nothing much," she replied, mostly because she knew that kind of response would annoy him. "I made cookies and tea."

He glared balefully at her from across the room. "That's it?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Where'd Tai Lung get off to? I thought he was supposed to be training every waking moment he was in your presence."

"He is studying one of the thousand scrolls of kung fu," he grumbled, and apparently gave up hope of her leaving him alone, because he began the trek across the training hall toward her. "Not that _you_ would know anything about that."

"Well, we all have our specialties," she admitted reluctantly. She wasn't normally a diplomatic person, but then again there was always something to be said for gaining people's trust. "Mine just happens to have more to do with _fueling_ the body, rather than honing it into a deadly weapon. Though I'm sure I could achieve the effect with some of my spicy bean dishes."

Shifu rolled his eyes as he approached her, then reached out and grabbed a cookie. Then, to Lin's utter amusement, he sniffed at it.

"I didn't poison them," she reassured him.

"Of course not," he dismissed, though he still sounded suspicious. "However, you should know that I've built up an immunity to most of the poisons that are popularly used in the area, so if they _are_-"

"Alright, stop yourself already," she interrupted, crossing her arms. "Y'know, that fact about you is more telling than you realize."

"There are several occasions upon which I could have said the same about you," he replied smugly, then took a bite of the cookie. Of course, he must have been bluffing.

She decided not to let it faze her too much. "So how're you with opium? Any immunity to that?" She made it a point to ask the question right as he was swallowing.

He immediately started coughing, a shocked expression on his face. "You wouldn't!"

"I also wrote the word 'gullible' on the ceiling, if you'd like to take a look," she replied calmly.

He glared at her with his jaw tightly clenched for a moment or so before speaking again. "You are an unbalanced street urchin of the lowest order."

"Right," Lin sighed, amused more than anything else. "You have this paranoid obsession that I'm for some reason plotting against you, but _I'm_ the crazy one." She looked around the training hall as she spoke, curious as to exactly what someone could possibly want to do on a floor that spit fire.

"Then how do you explain your behavior?" he asked, and despite his apparent suspicion toward her he took the tea that she offered.

"I'm... mean?" she tried.

Shifu frowned at her answer. "You're mean," he repeated flatly.

"Yeah." She shrugged, unsure of what else to say. "I'm working here 'cause I needed money. And I'm mean to you 'cause it's fun. There's actually _less_ to me than meets the eye, but I don't expect you to believe me."

"Alright, so if you're just mean, then why are you so nice to Tai Lung?" he shot back.

"'Cause Tai Lung's not an _ass_ like you are." Lin raised her eyebrows and put one hand on her hip, waiting for an argument.

He just crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at her.

"What? It's true." She felt a little bad, though. "Aw, cheer up. I wouldn't bust your balls so much if I didn't like you. Kinda. It's like having a senile grandpa."

"I am _not_ that old," he huffed, sounding offended. "Wait a minute- you_ like_ me?" Shifu raised his eyebrows at her, his expression something halfway between appalled and confused.

"_Kinda_," Lin emphasized; she was a little embarrassed at the admission, but the only thing to do was to forge ahead and keep a straight face. "Everyone has their good points," she continued, hoping to cover her ass. "I have a talent for finding them- after I've found all their bad points, of course."

"I see." He still seemed put off. "So you torture the people you like?"

"Nope, I torture whoever I feel like torturing." She decided to take a big risk, and she reached out and flicked his nose with her index finger. "Now shut up. You're only here to make me look good, anyway."

He raised his eyebrows at her, then frowned and reached up to rub at his nose. He was obviously not pleased by the flick to his nose. "You have a ten second head start. Use it wisely."

"Right." She paused for a moment, contemplating the threat. "You were kidding, right?"

"It's already been six seconds," he replied.

"Okay, bye!" Perhaps not _all_ of his threats were empty.

* * *

A few days later, the sky had opened up and let loose a storm the likes of which hadn't been seen in years in the Valley of Peace. Lin peered out the front door of the barracks, frowning to herself. The rain was pouring down in buckets, and she thought she even saw lightning streak across the sky for a split second. She was already dressed in rain gear (a straw hat and a cloak that was admittedly not the most waterproof of materials), but she briefly reconsidered going down to the market. She pushed her desire to be warm and dry out of the way with the thought of the abysmally empty pantry, the pantry she had held off on filling because she didn't want to waste even a single crumb of food. And now she had to go out in a rainstorm.

She adjusted her hat and pulled her cloak more tightly around herself, then picked up her makeshift grocery bag and headed out. It wasn't too bad at first, she had to admit. Her hat did its job well, and it wasn't too cold just yet. She ran into trouble, though, once she reached the stairs. The stone was as slippery as ice, and she cringed to think of what could happen to her if she fell down them. So, ever so carefully, one step at a time, she began her descent. It was a painstakingly slow process, and it was impeded even more when she slipped about halfway down. She managed to catch herself, but it led her to the decision that she'd be better off climbing down the stairs on all fours. She knew at that moment that she was going to have a long and unpleasant day.

* * *

"...Where's lunch?" Shifu rarely expressed his feelings, but when he walked into the kitchen only to witness Tai Lung sitting alone at the table, eating the last of their peaches, there was nothing else to say.

"Lin's not back from the market yet," Tai Lung replied. "All we have left are peaches from the sacred peach tree of heavenly wisdom."

"Why is she not back yet?" he was irate, to say the least; if she had gone out drinking, she was going to get it.

"I dunno." Tai Lung shrugged. "Maybe it's 'cause of the rain. Do you think we should go help her, Master?"

He paused to think it over; it was actually a good idea. If he went after her and she actually needed help (which was not likely) he would avoid the guilt trip she'd inevitably lay on him. If she was wasting time (more likely), then he could bust her and never, ever let her forget about it. "You stay here," he told Tai Lung, then went to grab a straw hat and head out in the rain.

* * *

Lin stared up at the thousand steps leading back up to the Jade Palace, feeling momentarily like she was going to cry. Her straw hat had, unfortunately, blown away in the wind, and her cloak was completely soaked through. In fact, she was fairly sure that her entire body was completely soaked through. Her bag was overflowing with food, and much heavier than she had anticipated, but she could handle it. At least she could as long as she didn't fall. She headed on up the stairs, just as carefully as she had gone down. It was miserable, to say the least. On the bright side, she had no reason to be irritated by the rain anymore, since she was already as soaked as she was going to get.

She was just getting into a good rhythm for climbing the stairs when the knot in the strap of her bag gave way, and she watched in horror as the bag fell to the ground with a wet thud, spilling produce and grains everywhere. She just stood there, in the pouring rain, staring at the bag as her groceries slowly rolled and bounced down the steps. She couldn't even go straight back to the market, since she'd just barely brought enough money with her to buy that much.

With a heavy sigh, she squatted and started gathering as many things as she could before they got away from her; there was no chance in hell she was ever going after the fruits and vegetables that had already escaped. She thought bitterly as she worked of how much easier the trip would have been if she had just gone a day earlier. Finally, she had everything back in its rightful place, and as she picked the bag back up she took a step back- and bumped into something. Someone, rather.

"AGH!" Of course, she dropped her bag again. She then whirled around, ready to put up a fight, only to find Shifu standing there. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" she lectured, then realized belatedly that the stairs were once again littered with produce. She felt the urge to scream wordlessly at the sight, but held back, since Shifu was standing right next to her. Instead she just let out a low groan and leaned down to pick the mess up- again.

"What's taking you so long?" he had the gall to ask, although he _did_ help her gather everything together.

Still, she was more than a little annoyed, and her response reflected that very strongly; unfortunately, it was drowned out by a loud crack of thunder. Or maybe it was fortunate, since the response had been peppered with some very strong language.

Shifu said something back, but she didn't quite catch it- the thunder was still rumbling. He must not have heard her either, though, since he took his hat off and dropped it onto her head.

"Thanks!" she shouted over the noise.

"Give me that!" he yelled back, and it took her a moment to realize that he was talking about the bag.

She gladly handed it over, and attempted to smile gratefully; it was sort of difficult, since she had so much wet fur hanging in her face. She knew that she probably looked like a giant drowned rat.

"You look... Different," he commented, raising his eyebrows at her appearance.

"Get bent," she replied.

"I just didn't realize you had so much fur." He actually looked amused, for once. "And now it's... Deflated."

"Yeah, I know." Lin couldn't keep the curtness out of her voice; as much as she would have liked to be nonchalant, her appearance was something of a sore point for her.

He blinked, looking surprised. "You're not going to call me a name?" He still looked confused after she glared at him in response. "It sounded like-"

"I don't need to," she snapped. "It was _implied_."

"I don't _have_ to help you, you know," he shot back. "I could just leave you here and let you take care of this yourself."

"Go ahead, then!" She was already in a bad mood, and she didn't need Shifu annoying her on top of it. "I can do this on my own, anyway!"

"No you can't.," he argued instantly, slinging the bag of groceries over his shoulder. "I saw you struggling, and you're taking a long time. You would be better off if you just accepted my help."

"I don't _want_ your help!" she snapped, just as he turned around and started climbing the steps. "Hey! Don't you walk away from me!" She hurried to catch up to him, but the stairs were slippery and her balance was bad, so it was slow going. "I don't need anyone's help!" she called after him. "Least of all _yours!_" The one thing that got on her nerves more than anything else was being treated like she couldn't handle something on her own- and when Shifu was the perpetrator, such treatment was all the more maddening. "Hey!"

He just kept walking and didn't answer her.

"Don't act like you can't hear me with those big ears there!"

Shifu turned around, glared at her, and opened his mouth to speak. That was as far as he got, however, before they were both suddenly pelted with large chunks of hail.

Lin would have laughed if she wasn't also caught in the middle of the hail; though she was rather amused by the fact that it had started hailing after Shifu had given her his hat. She wasn't about to give the hat back, but she ran to catch up with him, anyway.

Surprisingly enough, he stood there and waited for her; or perhaps he was just immobilized by sheer shock and rage. "Hurry up!" he snapped, and resumed walking up the steps the moment she caught up with him. "You are _nothing_ but pain and suffering, and an endless string of annoyances."

"Let's not forget the dander." She held the straw hat down tight over her head as she awkwardly ran in an attempt to keep up with him while simultaneously trying not to fall on her face. "Why're you in such a hurry?"

He just glared over his shoulder at her and pointed at the sky, presumably indicating the large chunks of hail raining down on them.

"Whatever," she huffed. She really despised stairs, but she was relieved at least that she'd developed decent stamina after all the experience she'd had running from assorted forms of trouble. Mostly trouble that she'd stirred up herself, but such was life.

"Do you think you could run just a little bit slower?" Shifu asked her sarcastically. "I think we might actually be able to reverse the flow of time, and I'd like a do-over of the past month."

"That's a good one," she growled back. "Or at least it was, back in my grandmother's youth. You might want to think up some new material before the next century rolls around."

Suddenly, he reached back and grabbed her arm, taking her by such surprise that she almost fell over backwards. He yanked on her and she realized that he was dragging her up the steps with him, so that she would actually match his insanely fast pace.

"You're an ass," she concluded, and not for the first time.

He had apparently gone back to ignoring her, though.

"I think you're growing ear hair," she jabbed, simply out of spite. She was surprised that he managed to ignore that comment, actually. She'd have expected it to at least earn a wordless grunt, but there was nothing. "If I trip, it's your fault," she went on grumpily.

Shifu muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "I hope you do," but she chose to ignore it.

She wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with her. Even at her most irate, she still let him push her around in a way she'd never let anyone before... Well, that wasn't entirely true. But she liked to think that she was a much different person than she had been eight years ago. Either way, she was going to be sore from trying to keep up with him. Luckily, they had already reached the top of the stairs and were on their way up to the barracks.

Shifu came to an abrupt stop on the porch outside the barracks, and while Lin would have liked very much to follow his lead, she wasn't accustomed to moving with such speed. So, when she tried to stop, the laws of physics (and her own natural clumsiness) kicked in and propelled her forward. Absolute horror and embarrassment had already set in before she even collided with Shifu, but it actually turned out to be misplaced.

As if he had known that she would go barreling straight into him, Shifu deftly dodged her. Then, to top it off, he even managed to catch her. He made it look so easy, too.

Lin found herself practically hanging off of him, her fists bunched in his sleeves in an instinctive attempt to catch herself, and not for the first time. Her embarrassment was about double the intensity it would have been if she'd just fallen on him, but at the same time she knew she should be grateful. The resulting emotion was nausea, in every sense of the word. She opened her mouth to say something, but inexplicably she found that the only noise that emerged was a dazed, "Fuhhh..."

"Let go of me," he replied, sounding exasperated.

That snapped her out of it, alright. "_You_ let go of _me_," she snapped, and immediately yanked herself out of his arms. "And another thing-" Lin paused when the hail and rain suddenly came to an abrupt stop. "I freaking hate weather." She shouldn't have been surprised that the terrible weather cleared up pretty much the moment she reached shelter, though; it was simply the way her life worked. "Well, what're you waiting for? Carry that food into the kitchen, already."

"I thought you didn't _need_ my help," he replied smugly as he headed indoors.

"Nor do I want it." She followed along, mostly to make sure he didn't try to help her put anything away. After all, she had established an impeccable system of organization in the kitchen, and she didn't want it tampered with. "However, I'm flexible enough to work with what I got."

"Well, I'm not doing anything else for you." He carried the bag into the kitchen and set it down near the table, as if it were no trouble at all.

"You didn't have to do anything for me in the first place," she grumbled.

"But I am a gentleman."

"Sure."

Shifu took a moment to glare at her. "Why did you fall like that, anyway?" he asked unexpectedly, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Because... You were going too fast?" she ventured. She wasn't quite sure what he was getting at.

"That's not what I'm talking about." Shifu rolled his eyes at her like a teenaged girl. "When you fell, you reached out to brace yourself with your left arm, as is the normal tendency for anyone who is falling forward. However, you tucked your right arm in toward your body. Why did you do that?"

Lin was speechless at first, caught completely off-guard by how observant he'd been. She still managed to muster up a decent response, though. "You are a freak."

"What?" He sounded offended, which was usually a good sign- it meant that she was going to win the argument. "In what way am I a freak?"

"In every single way," she replied. "You are the definition of a freak."

"Oh really?" He crossed his arms, glaring at her. "Define 'freak.'"

"Well that depends on which definition you want," she taunted; she knew that he'd think she was trying to dodge the question due to a lack of knowledge, and there was nothing she liked better than dangling some form of victory in front of a person and then snatching it away.

"Give me as many definitions as you can think of," he unwisely told her.

"Then I'll begin with the definitions of 'freak' as pertaining to an individual." She cleared her throat for a little dramatic effect. "A: One that is markedly unusual or abnormal. B: An animal having a physical oddity and appearing in a circus show. C: An ardent enthusiast. D: A sexual deviate-"

"Alright, that's enough," he interrupted her; he sounded pretty annoyed that she had actually been able to think up several legitimate definitions. "How do you know all that?"

"I can read, unlike you."

"What?"

"You are illiterate. Now gimme that bucket." She motioned to the bucket she kept next to the wash basin; since it had just rained, she thought it would be a good time to get some fresh rainwater from the side of the building, where a trough was built to collect the water.

"No. I am not here to do your errands for you or to- to fetch buckets!" Yet he didn't leave the kitchen- most likely because he was hungry.

Lin spent a few seconds trying to think up the most offensive response she could, then set it into motion. "Hey, Tai Lung!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "C'mere!"

"He's not going to come here," Shifu argued immediately. "I doubt he even heard-"

"Yeah?" Tai Lung appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, effectively proving Shifu wrong mid-argument.

"Wanna get that bucket for me?" She once again pointed to the same bucket, which was perfectly within her reach. But it was just too much fun watching Shifu fume.

"Um... Okay." He gave her a strange look, probably wondering why she had asked in the first place, then promptly crossed the room and brought the bucket to her.

Shifu looked like he was ready to have an aneurysm.

"Why'd you need me to get a bucket?" Tai Lung glanced back and forth between her and Shifu, obviously sensing that something was amiss.

"To prove a point," she answered simply, then left to collect rain water. She had to admit that she was impressed by Shifu's ability to hold in his frustration, but then it would spill out sooner or later. She just needed to make sure that she wasn't present when it did.

Her train of thought was immediately derailed as she opened the front door to the barracks to once more venture outside; hovering faintly amidst the valley mist was something she hadn't seen in a very long time, something that she very rarely had the time to fully appreciate. "Hey, look!" Lin called from the doorway. "A rainbow." If there was ever a point in her life when she would have time to stop and stare at a rainbow, this would be it.

"I wanna see!" Tai Lung shouted enthusiastically from inside, then suddenly appeared beside her. "Oh, wow!"

Shifu followed him out, his usual frown in place. "Remember, Tai Lung, you have studying to do," he warned, crossing his arms behind his back.

"It doesn't take that long to look at a rainbow," Lin dismissed immediately, grinning at the annoyed look that crossed Shifu's face.

"Wow," Tai Lung interrupted what may have turned into yet another fight. "I've never actually _seen_ a rainbow before." He was obviously enjoying the spectacle, and though she was hesitant to admit it even to herself, the grin on his face warmed her heart.

She was becoming a really big sap. "Y'know, some people think rainbows have mystical properties," she began. "But they don't. They're just a refraction of light caused by the moisture in the air."

"Wow," Shifu replied sarcastically, "that was truly inspiring."

"Stick with me, old man, and there's a lot more where _that _came from."

"I need to meditate," he grumbled, reaching up to rub at his forehead. "And _you_ should get back to work," he directed at Tai Lung.

"Yes Master," he sighed back. "I just... Could use a little more to eat." He smiled hopefully back, and while she wasn't entirely sure how versed Shifu was in the art of deception, it was easy for Lin to see that Tai Lung was lying.

"I'll cut up some fruit for you," she offered, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Very well, but be quick about it." Shifu curtly turned and left them; it was pretty clear that there was only so much of Lin's company he could take before getting to the verge of a complete meltdown.

Lin led Tai Lung back to the kitchen, waiting until she thought Shifu would be out of earshot before she spoke. "Okay, so whaddaya _really_ want?"

"Nothing much," he replied casually, making a point of examining his claws. "I was just wondering... How often d'you go down into the valley?"

"Every couple of days, depending." She grabbed an apple and began to cut it into slices. "So what's the deal?" She knew that he had to have some motive for asking.

"I was just thinking that it would be fun if I went with you some time." His eyes widened hopefully, and it didn't take a genius to see that he had more than just a casual interest in heading down to the valley.

"What, just to go grocery shopping?" Lin wasn't the kind of person who went around handing out favors for no reason, not even to her friends. "You wouldn't have fun at all. There's no point."

"No, I think it could be an interesting experience," he persisted. "I mean, I could really learn a lot."

"So you're not allowed, huh?" she surmised, though she had no idea why he wouldn't be allowed to go down into the valley; it wasn't like he wouldn't be safe. Furthermore, she wasn't sure what interest he could possibly have in accompanying her on a shopping trip. Unless... "And you wanna meet some kids your own age?"

He looked sheepish for a moment, then widened his eyes to plead with her. "Please? It'd just be for a couple of hours, I'm sure Master Shifu wouldn't even notice..."

She was actually taken aback by that last part. It was pretty out of character for Tai Lung to suggest he do anything as big as taking a trip to the valley without Shifu's consent. "Y'know, I'm starting to see a whole new side of you, kid." She crossed her arms and chewed on her tongue while she thought it over. She knew when a line was or was not meant to be crossed, but at the same time the request seemed harmless enough to her. "...I'll think about it," she concluded, which due to experience with her own parents she knew was a gentler way of saying "probably not."

"Oh," Tai Lung sighed, sounding disappointed. "Okay." He even let his ears droop a little.

Lin had to wonder how much of it was actual disappointment, and how much was manipulation. His skill in the area also had her wondering if maybe he had more experience than just her tutelage. "Eat your apple," she ordered, placing a plate of the slices in front of him. "And quit moping. As my grandmother used to tell me, you can't always get whatchya want."

She left out the second part of the adage, as her grandmother often did as well. All it really did was create a sense of false hope, anyway. In the end, while there were indeed very few people in the world who got what they wanted, there were even fewer who got what they _needed_. Herself included. She managed to reassure herself with a reminder that she would soon be on her way out of the Valley of Peace, but for some reason the thought didn't do much for her nerves. Then again, very few things really did those days.

* * *

A/N: Will Tai Lung be allowed to go into the village? Will we find out more about Lin's past? Will Shifu _actually_ have an aneurysm? Will Oogway ever make another appearance? Find out next time in the next exciting installment of: (The Plot Moves as Quickly) As the World Turns.


	13. Mix All the Ingredients in a Bowl

A/N: Hey there! Sorry, I'm a couple of days late... Again :/ However, this is an ass-long chapter compared to the others, so hopefully that'll make up for it a little.

Also, I have some good and bad news, not necessarily in that order. It looks like I'll be sticking with a 2 week update schedule instead of going back to one chapter a week. However, there are advantages to this. For instance, the chapters will be edited/written better, and on top of that they'll be longer. So it's something of a trade-off. If I magically become a faster writer and get a few chapters done ahead of time, I'll go to a 1 week schedule for a while, but no promises are in order here.

Disclaimer: Did you know that Dreamworks owns Kung Fu Panda? I'll bet that that's not common knowledge. I mean, it's news to me! Totally.

* * *

Chapter 13: Mix All the Ingredients in a Bowl

* * *

Even the heaviest sleepers in the world sometimes had trouble falling into unconsciousness at night, and Shifu was by no means a heavy sleeper. That was why he found himself on his way to the kitchen in the middle of the night. He wasn't looking for a midnight snack, but he thought that some tea might help him out. He did, after all, have quite a bit to think about lately. Lin usually made sure of that.

Her latest admission had him stumped, though- he couldn't understand what she had to gain from claiming to actually _like_ him. They had done nothing but fight from the moment she'd arrived at the Jade Palace, he couldn't trust her even half as far as he could throw her, and even when he attempted to treat her with any kind of civility she was completely ungrateful. She certainly didn't seem to be attempting to reach any kind of peace by claiming to like him, that was for sure.

He paused outside the kitchen when he saw a dim light coming from inside; he had a feeling that its source was neither Tai Lung nor Master Oogway. After a moment's consideration, though, he decided to venture inside, anyway. Why should he deny himself tea just to avoid someone?

He was already briskly greeting her as he walked in, but fell silent when he saw that Lin was sitting with her head resting on the table, fast asleep. He blinked in astonishment at the sight.

Her mouth was hanging open and she was snoring ever so slightly, a full cup of tea abandoned beside her. Her arms were hanging down at her sides, and when he looked more closely he realized that her hands were, for some reason, filthy.

"What are you doing?" he asked loudly.

It did the trick; with a snort, her head shot up and she yawned loudly, rubbing at her eyes. "Whattime 'sit?" She pushed herself away from the table, blinking rapidly. After a few moments of looking around in confusion, she seemed to wake up. "Oh, shi-" She stopped when she noticed him still standing there. "I mean, uh, oh no."

"How long were you asleep?" he asked, frowning at her.

"Uh... I dunno. More 'an a half hour, maybe..." She rubbed at her eyes, yawning again. With a groan, she stood up, mostly supporting her weight on the table. "You, uh, want some tea or something?"

"I'll get it myself." He headed for the stove to pour himself a cup of tea, but realized the moment he touched it that the pot she had brewed was ice cold.

"I'll make a new pot," she offered, already rummaging through the cabinets for tea leaves. "How much longer y'think it'll be 'till dawn?"

"A couple of hours, maybe." He dumped out the old tea and rinsed the pot.

"No point in sleeping at all, I guess," she sighed. "Whaddaya want for breakfast?"

"What do _I _want?"

"Yeah, _you_. You got any... Favorites or anything?"

"No," he replied shortly. "Well, not _no_, but... I like dumplings, but those aren't a breakfast food."

She was busy lighting the burner, and didn't reply to him with more than a nod. Once she was done, she plopped a pot of water on the flame, then clapped her hands. "Dried fruit. I have it."

"Oh." Shifu wasn't sure what she meant by it. "You... Do?"

"I can make some granola, I have enough time for that... You like granola? Everyone likes granola. With... I made dried figs and raisins, what else?"

He managed to stop his eye from twitching, but still stared at her with his mouth open.

"Ginger!" She slapped the countertop with one hand. "And almonds!" Then she slapped it with the other. "Those're good, right? Yeah."

"Maybe you should go back to sleep." He tried to catch her eye while he motioned to the door, but she wasn't paying much attention to him.

"Maybe some cinnamon... Can't argue with cinnamon." She rubbed at her chin and leaned against the counter. "_Cinnamon." _She fell silent after that, and upon closer inspection, Shifu found that she had fallen asleep again.

"Wake up!" he snapped, then watched as she picked up right where she left off, as if she had never fallen asleep.

"You like cinnamon, right?" She furrowed her brow as if she were deep in thought.

"Is this a regular thing with you?"

"_Guh!_" Lin smacked herself on the forehead, which he supposed could serve as a "yes" to his question. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Think of what?" Shifu asked, though he wasn't so sure that he wanted to know the answer.

"_Breakfast_ dumplings! I can put all the fruit and cinnamon and stuff in the dumplings, and make _breakfast_ dumplings! _Cinnamon_. Y'know, sometimes if you say a word a buncha times it stops sounding like a word."

He couldn't do anything but stare at her; he was wondering if perhaps she'd caught a fever that was making her delirious, but she didn't look sick. Maybe she was actually telling the truth all those times she'd said she didn't go to sleep until she passed out.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You're covered in fur." Then she paused and looked down at herself, her expression that of complete confusion. "_I'm_ covered in fur."

"Yes," Shifu sighed. "Yes you are."

"Okay, then. After I make these dumplings, I think I'll take a nap." She paused, then, an expression of utter confusion on her face. "Why am I making dumplings?"

"It's for _breakfast_," Shifu snapped, losing his patience. "_I_ might as well make them, for all the use you are right now!" He didn't know why he even put up with her in the first place.

"Really?" She stared at him, blinking, and all hopes that she was joking were dashed when she exclaimed, "Thanks!"

"Wait- I didn't mean-"

"Everything you need's in the cabinets, have at it," she interrupted him, walking out of the kitchen and once again leaving him to do her job for her.

He wasn't about to let her get away with it... Again. "Hey!" He jumped out of his seat to follow her. "Come back!"

Lin already had one foot in the doorway to her room, and when he snapped at her she glanced up, apparently unconcerned. Then, her eyebrows suddenly shot up as if she were remembering something important, and she stepped back out into the hallway and tightly shut the door to her room. "What now?" she whined at him.

"You're the cook!" he pointed out, frustrated at her sense of entitlement. "_You_ make breakfast."

"Then why'd you offer to make it, if you were gonna get so pissed when I accepted?" She couldn't seriously believe that he had actually been trying to offer his help.

"I was being _sarcastic_." He crossed his arms and nodded toward the kitchen. "Now come back."

"Yeesh, you gotta admit it was worth a try," she grumbled.

It took him a moment to realize that she was implying she had known all along that he was simply being sarcastic. "You are- are- unbelievable!"

"Whatever," she replied nonchalantly and opened her mouth wide in a yawn. "Unless you wanna actually make breakfast yourself, you're gonna hafta stop complaining about how tired _I_ am. It's nunya business anyway." She started shuffling back toward the kitchen, stretching out and cracking her fingers as she went.

"Ew," he commented at the action; he absolutely _hated_ that noise. "That gives you arthritis, you know."

"You want tea or not?" she shot back.

It _was_ the reason he'd gone to the kitchen in the first place. He supposed he might as well, since he was up already. Besides, she was slightly less annoying in her current state than she was lucid- which wasn't saying much. With a shrug he gave in and followed her to the kitchen for what he hoped would at least be some decent tea.

* * *

Lin stared down at the vegetable broth she was boiling on the stove, squinting and grinding her teeth. She was deep in thought over Tai Lung's request and the next move she needed to make. She could just choose to leave things as they were- he was already under the impression that her answer was "no." However, she couldn't help but worry. She cursed herself for worrying, but to be honest she cared about what Tai Lung did and what happened to him. He actually reminded her a little bit of herself, and she knew that if there was anything that she was not allowed to do as a child, she would have done it anyway. Actually, that was still true, which would explain why she was in the Valley of Peace to begin with.

She didn't think he would get hurt or anything, but if he headed down to the village on his own, Shifu would have a fit. And there was no way he'd be able to get down there undetected. In the end, the only way for Tai Lung to make the trip would be for Shifu to consent. And the only way to get that to happen would be for Lin to talk to him. After all, Tai Lung wasn't about to do it.

She realized that she had begun to grind her teeth much harder. As funny as it was to rile him up, she was going to have a hard time convincing Shifu of anything having to do with Tai Lung. She didn't see what the big deal was, though- Tai Lung could benefit from interaction with other kids his age. He seemed lonely, and she knew what it could be like for a kid to not have any friends his own age.

It was inevitable that she'd have to brooch the subject with Shifu, as much as she absolutely did not want to. She wondered if she should ease him into it, but decided that it would be best to just come out and tell him the next time she saw him.

Of course, as she was getting ready to strain the broth, Shifu walked into the kitchen, no doubt to stick his nose in her business. "What are you doing?" he asked instantly.

Lin let out an annoyed snort and turned around to face him; the broth would survive a few extra minutes on the stove. "Why are you always asking me that? I'm a cook, I'm in a kitchen, and I'm wearing an apron. Shouldn't you be able to draw the logical conclusion by now?"

He rolled his eyes at her, as he did almost every time they spoke. "I just wanted to know if you were going to the market today."

"Not until tomorrow," she replied. It was the perfect time to bring up Tai Lung, but she hesitated.

"I wanted to let you know that we could use some more oolong," he went on. "And don't forget apples, and we could use some long grain rice for once. More variety." He shifted uncomfortably, and she realized that as she contemplated what exactly she would say about Tai Lung, she'd been staring at him. "...What?" he asked.

"It's nothing, just..." It was as good a time as any to bring up the issue, she supposed. "I got something to tell you," she sighed. She honestly didn't want to, but for some reason every instinct in her was being overridden by an unnatural feeling of concern. It occurred to her that perhaps she was seeing things from Shifu's perspective, but the thought was quickly wiped clear from her mind by an immediate gag reflex. It was probably just hormones, anyway.

"Alright, tell me," he replied. He sounded reluctant to listen to her, which she had come to expect.

"Tai Lung wants to go into the village with me." She resisted the urge to wince at what she imagined would be a monumental outburst, but was pleasantly surprised to find that her admission was met with silence.

Shifu, however, quickly revealed that his silence was not a positive reaction as his eye twitched ominously.

She steeled herself for what she was going to say next. "And I think you should let him go." She took a step back, just to be safe.

He glared balefully at her, and then he spoke. "_You_ think that I should let him go. Right. Because what _you_ think is so incredibly important."

Lin tried very hard not to snap back at that comment, and kept her tone as calm as possible. "Look, you could either say no and wait for him to wander down there on his own- getting into who-knows-what kinda trouble- or you can say yes and have me take him down there for a coupla hours." She crossed her arms, waiting for his response.

"Tai Lung would _never_ defy a direct order from me, especially for something as frivolous as a trip down to the valley," he huffed, obviously insulted that she had even suggested such a thing.

She snorted a little bit, then despite her efforts at restraint, burst into full-out laughter.

"What is so funny?" Shifu stood there and glared at her while he waited for her to calm down enough to answer him.

"Nothing," she finally managed to wheeze. "It's just... That little spiel about your kid never disobeying you, that was a good one." She paused to catch her breath while Shifu fumed at her reaction.

"I'll have you know that Tai Lung is a dutiful and _responsible_ son, and would _never_ stray from my word."

Of course, she laughed again.

"What is your problem?"

"Obviously, you don't remember being a kid," she finally informed him. "Tai Lung ain't gonna be any more obedient than any other kid- and last I checked 'obedient' is the last way to describe kids."

"I happened to be a very mindful child," he huffed. "Just as Tai Lung is. Not all children are ravenous beasts who set fire to their parents' houses."

"Hey, that was only _one_ time." She paused to think back on her childhood, just to be sure. "Yeah, it was only once."

Shifu shook his head at her. "You don't seem to get it. You are only here to cook- not to _bond_, not to make important decisions about my son's life- or mine, for that matter- and not to wax philosophical on _anything_. So stick to your day job."

"I would if you'd stick to yours," she shot back; she had a vague sense of the dangerous territory she was treading, but it was in her nature to constantly cross the line.

"And what, exactly, is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you were less of a taskmaster and more of a father, Tai Lung wouldn't be asking me help him break your dumb rules behind your back in the first place, dummy!" she snapped. She realized that it wasn't a very sensitive thing to say, nor had she phrased it in the best way. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't help but get riled up when Shifu started to talk down to her.

His eye twitched as he stared back at her, apparently stunned into silence by what she'd said. The effect didn't last. "Well," he started tightly, and cleared his throat. "If you ever call me 'dummy' again, I _will_ fire you." He paused then, though he wasn't finished; that much was apparent by how tightly his jaw was set. He seemed to be thinking of precisely what he wanted to say back to her, and she waited for him out of some strange sense of fairness. "How many children do you have?" he finally asked.

She blinked back at him, wondering if it was perhaps a rhetorical question.

"Well?" he prompted, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Oh! You really meant- yeah." She still didn't get what the question was about. "...Zero."

"Okay, then," he replied. "Shut up."

She was taken by surprise, mostly by the amount of wit he'd managed to show. "Well played," she conceded. "But you should still talk to Tai Lung."

"Do us both a favor and just _drop the subject_."

"But don't yell at him. If you do, he'll react defensively." She was mostly just trying to be annoying at that point, which was an innate talent of hers, anyway, so it wasn't as if she needed to try very hard.

"I _will_ talk to Tai Lung, and I will tell him how completely misguided he is for even _thinking_ of pulling such a stunt behind my back, _and_ I will explain to him how much of a failure of a productive member of society _you _are," Shifu snapped. He was getting rather uppity, as she had suspected.

It was about time she used her secret weapon, a last resort she had hoped she wouldn't need to rely on. "Hey, remember that time I tried to quit?" She casually leaned back against the counter, taking great pleasure in the grimace that crossed his face.

"Oh, no," he grumbled.

"I'll take that as a yes." She paused and wiped her hands on her apron, as if they were discussing something as unimportant as the weather. "I seem to remember an agreement. I think I agreed not to quit if you... If you..." She stopped again and turned her eyes to the ceiling, tapping her chin with one finger. "What was it, again?"

Shifu let out a completely incomprehensible mumble.

"What was that?" Sometimes she wondered if perhaps her love for torturing him was unhealthy, but then again she didn't really care.

"I agreed to give you a day off," he finally said, sounding as if it took considerable effort for him to get the words out.

"I think there was something else..."

"And Tai Lung," he finally conceded. "_Alright_. I will _consider_ allowing Tai Lung to accompany you to the village- for a _couple of hours_. And if you _ever_ ask me for _anything_ again, I will fire you on the spot."

"Thanks!" she chirped in the most cheerful tone of voice she could muster, then whirled back around to tend to her broth.

"And for the record, I despise you," he added grumpily.

"For the record," she replied, making her best effort to waft the mouth-watering smell of the broth toward him, "comments like that are mere flattery to ears such as mine."

He grunted in response to that, obviously defeated.

Lin went back to work, carefully straining the broth into a new pot, and completely forgot that he was still in the kitchen until he startled her by speaking again.

"...What are you making?"

She couldn't help but gloat at that, and thus proceeded to laugh at him.

* * *

Playing the flute was one of the very few things that helped calm Shifu's nerves, and if there was ever a time he needed calming, this was it. As much as it pained him (and it was a lot) to admit it, Lin was right. He needed to have a talk with Tai Lung about his desire to travel down into the village without permission. While the village was relatively safe, he was concerned about what kind of trouble Tai Lung could cause, and how he might be received by the villagers. After all, he had already grown larger than most of the valley's inhabitants, and was becoming stronger every day. He didn't imagine that a rabbit would be very understanding of the inevitable clumsiness of a young snow leopard going through a growth spurt, or the ensuing destruction.

The training hall alone had been the home to many daily repairs lately, and the sudden changes in Tai Lung's body were causing him to falter with training exercises and techniques that normally would not have been a problem for him. He worried enough about Tai Lung when he was mere feet away; a trip to the valley might give him a heart attack.

"Fretting again, I see," Master Oogway greeted as he climbed up the last of the steps to the peach tree.

Shifu set his flute down and got up from his seat beneath the tree, respectfully bowing to his Master. "It is something I'm becoming accustomed to," he sighed as he straightened up.

Oogway laughed a bit at that and nodded in agreement. "Indeed, old friend." He turned to look out over the valley, which was currently shrouded in mist. "I have some news."

"It's bad news, isn't it?" he groaned. He'd known Oogway long enough to know that when there was news, it was never good.

"Ah, Shifu," he replied calmly, "I believe I have told you before-"

"I know, I know," Shifu interrupted impatiently. "There is no good or bad news."

Oogway leveled a stern gaze at him- it wasn't a glare, just more of a look that spoke volumes. Most of which seemed to consist of "be patient."

"Sorry," he apologized quickly. "What news do you have, Master?"

"A letter from a coastal village- Shangba," Oogway said slowly, glancing back towards the grounds, though Shifu couldn't imagine why. "They have a rather severe problem with some pirates- wokou, to be exact. They apparently were regular visitors of Shanghai, but moved on to smaller villages once the local authorities became more active in their duties. I believe I've even heard talk of plans for a wall to keep out pirates, though I do not put much stock in rumors." He paused there, most likely because he sensed that Shifu was once again getting antsy. "In any case," he went on, "they need help."

"I will head out immediately," Shifu volunteered with a quick bow.

"I believe it would be best if I handled this myself." While Oogway's smiling face would seem lenient to a stranger, it was apparent to Shifu by his firmly planted stance that he would accept no arguments on the subject.

Still, it seemed strange. "Master, if I may ask why you have chosen to go alone...?"

"It is not a long trip, but Tai Lung will miss you," Oogway replied simply. "As well as someone else we both know."

"Please don't joke about that." Shifu was still disturbed by Lin's earlier admission of apparently enjoying his company, although the possibility that she had said so with the intent of making him uncomfortable _did_ cross his mind. "You're making me actually _want_ to go to Shangba."

Oogway chuckled, shaking his head. "Posture all you want, my friend." He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice. "I have known you since you were a child. I can see straight through it."

Shifu had no idea what that was supposed to mean, and he would have asked if their conversation hadn't been rudely interrupted by the subject at hand herself.

"Yo," Lin greeted lazily as she completely ignored the fact that she was entering a private conversation, and once again began to climb the peach tree in order to pick peaches.

It took all of Shifu's self-control to hold back his anger at the disruption and the blatant disrespect she was showing. "This is a _private_ conversation," he ground out as calmly as he could manage. "Which is none of your concern."

"Oh?" She replied as she sniffed at a peach. "What happened?"

"I am needed elsewhere, I'm afraid," Oogway answered her, to Shifu's utter chagrin. "I believe the village is a coastal one, subject to many storms. You might know it. Shangba."

"Uh, yeah." She sounded somewhat uneasy at the mention of the village. "I been... In that area. It's nice. A nice area."

"I thought Shangba was known as 'The Village of Death,'" Shifu interjected. He'd recalled hearing the nickname once or twice in passing.

"Well, it's nice for a village of death," Lin shot back. "I mean, it's only called that 'cause shipwreck victims wash up on the shore every now and then. Other 'an that it's very nice." That bit of information earned her a blank stare. "Not _everyone_ who washes up is dead, y'know," she huffed. "So whadda they needya for anyway?" She jumped down from the low branch she'd been picking fruit on, her bag full of peaches and one in her hand, which she promptly bit into.

"Some trouble with pirates," Oogway answered serenely. "They were pushed out of Shanghai."

Lin began to cough loudly on her peach and punched herself in the chest of couple of times, presumably to dislodge a half-masticated piece of the fruit.

It was definitely suspicious behavior, and that fact was not lost on Shifu. He raised an eyebrow as he watched her, and once she'd calmed down a little he asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"It's the peach," she replied quickly, and let out a few more short coughs. "It's, uh... Too big. Here." And then she tossed the peach at him.

He caught it, of course, but he couldn't believe that she'd actually have the nerve to not only offer him a peach from the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly wisdom, but to toss it to him so casually as well. He was about to say something on the subject to her when Oogway cut him off.

"That cough sounded rather painful." He seemed concerned for her, but then he turned to Shifu, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Why don't you accompany Lin back to the kitchen for some water, just to be safe?"

"I'm fine!" Lin protested.

"She'll live," Shifu pointed out at the same time.

"I would feel better," Oogway insisted. "Do it as a favor to me."

"Ah, shit," Lin grumbled, as if he had been asking _her_ to allow Shifu along as a favor. "Okay, I'll do it." Apparently, that was what she thought. "C'mon, Geezer, let's get a move on," she directed at Shifu, then didn't even bother to wait for him and headed down the stairs.

Shifu took a moment to glare at her, then turned to Oogway. "You owe me," he whispered before heading after her.

"Have fun, you two," he replied.

As he caught up to Lin, Shifu ruminated on all the mental torture he'd had to go through since her arrival at the Jade Palace. Experience, however, did not make it any more bearable.

"This was a good idea actually," she commented once he was walking at her side. "You can help me clean up the kitchen for dinner."

"You mean you haven't cleaned it already? Isn't that part of your job?" He wasn't about to help her with something she was getting paid to do... Again.

"Actually, it's not in the job description, no." She then lifted the bag of peaches from her shoulder, leaned toward him, and promptly dropped it.

He caught it out of reflex, then realized exactly what she was trying to do. "I am _not_ carrying this for you."

"You never had a problem with carrying my stuff before," she pointed out smugly, then turned to taunting. "Doesn't it make you feel like a big strong man?"

"You are walking on thin ice," he warned. It was bad enough that he had to put up with her taunts and jabs at meal times, he didn't need to deal with her attitude during time that he was supposed to be spending trying to relax. "And take your bag back, I don't want it."

"No," she replied shortly, and kept walking.

"What do you _mean_ 'no'?" he huffed back.

"We're halfway back to the barracks anyway, you might as well keep it." On top of her cocky attitude, she then went on to display a complete and utter disregard for his time and very short patience by stopping at the ridiculous plot of dirt that she called a vegetable garden. "Hrm," she hummed to herself as she leaned over it and prodded it with her fingers.

"That useless, pathetic patch of mud will never grow anything," he grumbled, mostly out of spite.

"Don't let Tai Lung hearya say that." She leaned in even closer and sniffed at the dirt. "He's out here every day, checking on the garden and giving it water."

"He is?" Shifu narrowed his eyes at her back; she could have been lying, but for some reason he got the feeling that she wasn't. "But why?" What he didn't get was why Tai Lung would care so much about a bunch of plants.

"I guess he likes the idea of being able to cultivate life." She straightened up and brushed her hands together to wipe off the dirt. "Plants may not be able to speak or move, but they're just as alive as any one of us. There's just something about being able to give life to something that would have otherwise shriveled and died, y'know." She shrugged, then returned to the path and started walking again.

"But you eat them, anyway," he reminded her.

"Well, yeah. But the plant still lives. We're just eating their reproductive organs."

"...What?" He couldn't tell whether or not she was joking.

Lin reached into the bag and pulled out a peach, holding it in front of his face. "The purpose of this delicious fruit, or any fruit for that matter, is to protect and nurture the seed. When the fruit falls to the ground, not only does it help keep the seed in one place long enough to sprout, but as it decomposes it also provides nutrient-rich compost for the seed to grow in. So, what you eat on a daily basis is a plant's ovary, uterus, and placenta all wrapped up into one." She then dropped the peach back into the bag with the others. "_Yum_."

"And now I will never be able to eat anything again, thanks to that mental image," he groused, wrinkling his nose at the idea. "Why must you be so... So..."

"Informative?" she offered. "Intelligent? Knowledgeable? Congenial? Persuasive? Amazing?" She batted her eyes at him with that last one.

"I was going to say _disgusting_, but keep deluding yourself." He briefly considered throwing a peach at her, but that would have been childish.

"Y'know, this is why Tai Lung never wants to talk to you," she sighed, shaking her head. "You're just so negative." They had reached the barracks, and as they entered the kitchen she paused to examine some marks on the wall near the door.

"What are those?" He eyed them as he dropped the bag of peaches onto a chair. They seemed to be spaced out arbitrarily, and the lowest mark seemed to be at about Lin's height while the highest one was a few inches above her head.

"It's a growth chart," she replied. "For Tai Lung."

"You've been doing that?" He felt his eye twitch, in spite of his best efforts to keep it under control.

"Yep. I thought it'd be cute." She obviously was pointing it out to him for a reason, though he couldn't quite glean what that reason was. She was most likely just gloating or trying to make him feel guilty. "Put those peaches away," she suddenly ordered, then grabbed a cloth and wet it.

"What? No." He crossed his arms, fully intending to stand his ground.

"You know where the fruit bowls are," she replied casually, then approached the kitchen table and began to wipe it down. "You can refill them while I inform you, in great detail, why your son prefers my company over yours in his leisure time."

"If you think that I'm going to help you after you've said something like that to me, then you are absolutely wrong," he snapped. "What makes you think you have the right to speak to me like that in the first place?"

"You let me." She paused to raise her eyebrows at him. "Unless you wanna beat me up or something."

He glared back at her with the intention of staring her down. He refused to be bullied in his own home by some free-loading busy-body. So what if she seemed to know exactly how to talk to Tai Lung? So what if he opened up to her so much? Shifu was certain that he could get his own son to speak casually to him without the help of some lunatic off the streets.

He was absolutely, one-hundred percent certain. He was completely capable of such a feat. He could be just as easy-going and open as the next person. Definitely.

"Fine," he sighed heavily. "What is your 'theory' on why Tai Lung would rather go down into the village with you than with me?"

"You really wanna hear it?" she asked, dropping her washcloth on top of the table. "Or are you just looking for another reason to hate me?"

"I want to hear it," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Okay, then." She sat heavily in the nearest chair, then indicated the seat next to her. "Sit."

Shifu hesitated, wondering if there was some sort of catch involved, but then decided to take his chances and moved the bag of peaches onto the floor and sat down. "Go on," he prompted.

"It's the classic good cop, bad cop dynamic," she answered with a shrug. "It usually happens when you have two adults living with kids. One inevitably becomes the disciplinarian while the other takes on the role of the 'fun one.' Obviously, you are the disciplinarian."

"And you're the fun one," he finished for her. "What about Master Oogway?"

"Not as fun as I am, I guess." She leaned back in her seat, stifling a yawn. "Anyway, I'm guessing that Tai Lung would rather go down to the village with 'the fun one.' It's not a big deal."

"Not to you, no," he snapped. He regretted it instantly, of course; he hadn't meant to say something so revealing to her, but he was annoyed by how nonchalant her attitude was.

Lin didn't tease him about it, though. She blinked back at him, frowned, and yawned again. In a way, it was even worse than teasing. "Well," she finally replied, "be nicer."

"Right." He shook his head at her; apparently she thought she had an answer for everything. "It's so simple! Why didn't _I_ think of that?"

She just rolled her eyes at him. "Explain."

"_Explain?_ What have I been doing from the first moment you came here? Have you been paying attention to _anything_ that's going on around you? I am _training_ Tai Lung to become a _master of kung fu_. That requires discipline and rigidity. I am his Master, and I don't have the luxury of being 'the fun one' like you do."

"Talk to him," she replied simply.

"I can't!" He was quickly getting frustrated by her casual answers; he didn't even know why he was carrying on such a conversation with her in the first place.

"Use your inside voice, champ." She stood up and crossed the room to the stove.

"What are you doing, now?"

"Making tea." She quickly lit a burner on the stove and put a pot that was already full of water on. "So why can't you talk to Tai Lung, exactly? Are you allergic to cats?"

"I am about as allergic to cats as you are humble," he shot back. "I can't talk with Tai Lung if he doesn't want to talk."

"And he doesn't want to talk because he's afraid of saying the wrong thing." She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter, eyeing him as if she were his mother. "And if he says the wrong thing, he'll get punished."

"He must talk to _you_ a lot." He didn't bother to tone down his sarcasm for that one. No matter how often he dealt with her attitude, somehow she still managed to surprise him.

"Keep trying to talk to him," she suggested. "You're a master of kung fu, right? You should be familiar with persistence."

"Oh, so everything I say actually _doesn't_ go out the other ear!" he exclaimed, acting completely shocked just to get on her nerves. "Wow!"

"You're lucky I'm tired," she replied, then lifted her arms in the air and arched her back to stretch. "If I wasn't, I'd be a lot less forgiving."

He looked away as she stretched; he wasn't exactly sure why the impulse struck him, but it just felt rude to look. "Do you really think that you are capable of intimidating me in any way, shape, or form?"

"Talk to Tai Lung," she replied. "And don't yell at him for anything."

"So I ignore the fact that he wanted to go into the village without my consent or knowledge?" Shifu turned to glare at her, relieved to find that she was no longer stretching. "How do you propose I do that?"

"I dunno, _just do_. Kids learn by testing boundaries and breaking rules, that's their nature. It's nature in general! It's how creatures evolve, how entire societies are formed- the nature of sentient life itself. So try, for just a few minutes of your old-ass life, to be understanding."

"You're not only an expert on child-rearing, but a philosopher as well, now!" Speaking of ingrained natures, he should have known that asking her anything at all would inevitably lead to a fight.

"Look, it's easy. Think of it as practice for actual social interaction. Try not to be so grumpy and antisocial, just for one conversation. I mean, lookit me! I tried it, and now I have a job and a place to live. And Tai Lung talks to me."

"Don't remind me."

Lin let out an annoyed snort and began preparing the tea, rummaging through the cabinets for tea leaves and a pot. "_You_ came to _me_ about this, y'know. I coulda just let you flounder around like an ass, but I decided to try to help you out, because I am being nice, like the glorious being that I am. All I'm suggesting is that you do the same for Tai Lung. Trust me."

He blinked, staring at her back as she poured boiling water into a cast iron pot. Against his will, he recalled the things that Oogway had said to him about trust. He trusted in his Master more than anyone else in the world, and his Master wanted him to trust in a woman whose identity he wasn't even sure of- a woman who referred to herself as a "glorious being." So, despite his hesitancy, he nodded once, curtly.

"You should try not being all business all the time," she went on. "I mean, there's more to you 'an just being a strict angry kung fu master. _I_ think so, at least, even if you _are_ annoying."

Shifu blinked, completely caught off-guard by that. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked warily.

"It's probably a lack of sleep," she replied. "And, y'know, for Tai Lung. I mean, I kinda know how he feels."

"And how is that?" he asked sharply, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. He waited for her to say something completely out of line or give him a lecture, but she once again surprised him.

"I dunno," she answered lightly, shrugging. "Lonely. I guess." She let out a very fake-sounding cough. "Anyway, back to the topic at hand. If you're gonna talk to Tai Lung, he's gotta feel relaxed, first. There're ways to get him to open up more, if you can muster up some tact."

"Like what?" he asked, and held back on making any comments about her own tact because, for once, he was interested in what she had to say.

"Well, as loathe as I am to admit it, I think it'd help if we got along a little better." She paused and they both stewed in awkward silence for a few long moments. "The thing is, I think Tai Lung watches us go at it to get a sense of what kinda moods we're in. If we get along, he'll feel like you're in a very _very_ good mood."

"For how long, do you think?" He couldn't imagine getting along with Lin for more than perhaps five minutes, and even that much was a stretch.

"An entire meal, at least." She grabbed two tea cups from a nearby cabinet and poured the tea. She finally returned to her seat and handed him one cup.

"Try thinking of something else."

"Oh, c'mon. All we gotta do is go a half hour without fighting. I'll refrain from intentionally annoying you, and you..." She paused, sipping thoughtfully at her tea. "Well, try not to have an aneurysm at everything I say, for one."

"That would be a little bit easier if you could hold back on the ridiculous stories. You can't expect me to sit there and let you blatantly lie to Tai Lung about yourself," he shot back. "For instance, do you really expect me to believe that you have ever so much as laid eyes on a pirate? Honestly, you're not some extraordinary traveler, you're just some girl from a small town trying to make her way in the world."

"Yep," she replied, surprisingly enough. She didn't even _attempt_ to argue or claim completely outlandish things about herself. "I am. Just like you, right?" She even reached out and punched his arm. "So when'd you venture outta your village, little girl?"

"Har har," he grumbled sarcastically, then for reason unbeknownst even to himself, he actually answered the question. "I was about six or seven."

"Wow. I probably wasn't even born yet."

"Yes, I get it, I'm old," he replied, then suddenly realized that she'd actually _revealed_ something about herself. "Wait- how old _are_ you?"

"A lady never answers a question like that." She tilted her head up haughtily as she drank her tea. Then she paused and furrowed her brow. "How old're _you_, anyway?" She seemed genuinely curious.

"...Why?" Shifu still had reason to doubt her; for all he knew it could be another one of her setups, and he'd be on the receiving end of some nasty insults.

"It's just that I've been making these cracks about how old you are, but I don't actually know... Y'know... How old you are." She shrugged. "I was just wondering."

"I still don't trust you," he admitted, and he meant it in more ways than one.

"Aww, c'mon. How could it hurt? I already make funna you all the time." She had a point.

"...Fine. I'm thirty-seven, happy?" He braced himself for a bombardment of jokes, for laughter, for pretty much anything she could throw his way.

However, she just stared at him.

"Oh, it's not _that_ old!" he snapped.

"Sorry, sorry," she replied, blinking. "It's just... Weird. That's all. It's weird."

"What's weird?"

"Nothing's weird. It's just someone I used to know... It's a coincidence. Anyway, knowledge is power, so I guess I better get to work on my new shtick." She let out a bark of laughter. "I'll see what I can throw together with a mid-life crisis theme."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically.

"And don't worry, I'll still call you old. For _old_ times' sake."

"That was just horrible." He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, thinking about the advice Lin had given him. He wished that he could find something wrong with it, but it seemed sound. "...I'll talk to Tai Lung tomorrow."

"That's the spirit," she encouraged, and downed the rest of her tea. "It shouldn't be too hard. Look, we're already getting along!" She shot him a large grin and set her empty cup down in front of him, then stood up and brushed herself off. "How's about you clean up as a gesture of good will?" Before he could answer, she gave him a hard pat on the back that caused him to jerk forward in his seat. "Thanks, _friend_." With that, she practically ran out of the kitchen.

Shifu glared after her, but decided that the battle was not worth fighting, especially since they were supposed to try to get along in front of Tai Lung. He honestly didn't know why he'd listened to Lin in the first place; he felt like he was going soft, especially in the head. He briefly thought of just giving up and trusting her like Master Oogway had told him to, but he knew already that he was incapable of such a thing. For the time being, he would just have to follow his Master's advice, as difficult as that would be. And, even though it was another area that he seemed to have trouble with, he was definitely not going to get roped into cleaning the kitchen again. He hoped.

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A/N: Interesting note of the day: Shangba is an actual Chinese village, and it is actually known as "the Village of Death," because of its high cancer rate (most likely caused by polluted water). The actual Shangba is not a coastal village (as far as I know). Also, wokou are Japanese pirates who raided the coasts of China and Korea, though around the mid 1500s their forces became mainly Chinese. The~ More~ You~ Know~!

And of course the obligatory "next chapter" blurb: Shifu and Tai Lung talk! Will Tai Lung really get to go to the village? You'll see.

Oh, and sorry for getting rid of Oogway. I swear that there's an actual plot-relevant reason, and I'm not just being lazy. Cross my heart and hope to die. In any case, seeya in two weeks.


	14. A Watched Pot Never Boils

A/N: Hey there! Since last chapter was a couple of days late, and since I actually finished this one a little early, I decided to post a couple of days early to make it up to you. Anyway, here we are, another chapter, another update. Now our intrepid heroes must attempt to get along... We'll see how well that actually works out. Once again, major thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed (especially you guys who keep coming back every chapter!)

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda Dreamworks blah blah blah blah

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Chapter 14: A Watched Pot Never Boils

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The sweet aroma of citrus and the faint heady scent of cinnamon, cloves and ginger filled the entire kitchen, and it was making Lin's mouth water. She'd already finished up dinner for the evening, a simple dish of tofu and asparagus steamed with lemon grass, served alongside rice that she had cooked with a throwaway satchel of cumin seeds to impart it with just a hint of flavor without being overpowering. She supposed her cooking was the only area of her life in which she was even capable of subtlety, but she knew such a dish would at least put Shifu at ease. Especially since she was going to rock the boat a little bit by making dessert after he had given her a lecture on how unhealthy it was.

Still, she didn't see how he could possibly object to her candied orange slices and fresh lychee nuts. As she had prepared the orange well in advance, she was currently involved in her final task: brewing a strong oolong to go with such an aromatic meal.

Speaking of Shifu... "What is it?" she asked as she poured boiling water into her teapot.

"I thought we agreed that you would cut down on desserts," he replied from the doorway. "I smell oranges."

"Well, if you don't want any, then you don't hafta eat any." She gave a casual shrug, still not bothering to turn around and face him. "_I_ happen to like candied orange slices." She turned around then, but only to bring the pot of steeping tea to the table. "And I thought we were supposed to be getting along right now, anyway."

"That would be a lot easier if you weren't constantly putting forth a tremendous effort to get on my nerves." Shifu sat down in his usual spot at the table and crossed his arms. "The less we actually interact, the more smoothly this dinner will go," he declared.

Lin snorted at that, wondering if he knew that it was exactly that kind of attitude that made her want to annoy him so much. The answer to that was probably a resounding no. "Y'know, you are _really_ clueless," she pointed out as she began to set the table around him. Although, if she were to be completely honest with herself, it was one of the reasons she'd developed a fondness for him to begin with.

"Insulting me is _not_ a good way to start out," he huffed, leaning back in his seat as she reached over him to set his place.

"But it's just so _easy_," she replied sweetly, and with a certain amount of honesty. When he glared up at her from under furrowed eyebrows, she let out a disappointed sigh. "Okay, I'll take it easy. But you really shouldn't glare like that, people'll see how massive your eyebrows are." And she flicked him on the nose, too, just because she knew she'd get away with it.

"_Stop_ that!" he snapped, batting her hand away. "If you're not going to take this seriously, then I honestly don't see what the point is."

"A word to the wise, Shifu: I don't take _most_ things seriously." She returned to the stove and started spooning the rice into a serving dish, but was again distracted by him; she could practically _feel_ him glaring at her. "What?" She raised her eyebrows at him as she returned to the table with the rice.

"It's _Master_ Shifu," he replied stiffly, his glare intensifying.

She blinked back at him, surprised at how huffy he was getting over something so trivial, especially when Oogway had never once objected to her dropping the title from his name. "I can't believe you're getting pissed about that," she commented.

"I put up with your utter lack of respect in most cases, but this is one line that I will not allow you to cross- _especially_ not in front of Tai Lung." He seemed sincere about the subject.

She decided to just let it go. "Whatever you say," she sighed, and went back to plating dinner.

"I'm serious!" He apparently thought she was simply dismissing him.

"I _said_," she growled back, bringing the tofu and asparagus to the table and setting it down rather firmly in front of him, "whatever you say, _Master _Shifu." She then fixed him with an unnaturally wide smile, letting her eyes bulge out a bit.

"Eugh, get away from me," he replied at that.

Lin couldn't help but burst into laughter. She laughed so hard at his reaction, in fact, that she needed to drop into the seat next to him to keep from falling over.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" he asked, obviously completely oblivious- as usual.

"What's so funny?" Tai Lung finally made an appearance, bowing to Shifu before sitting down for dinner.

Lin just pointed to Shifu, still snickering quietly, fueled on by his annoyance at her amusement.

Tai Lung looked momentarily confused, but wisely said nothing on the subject. "So... Dinner smells good."

"Why _thank_ you," she replied pointedly, passing him the tofu and asparagus as she raised her eyebrows at Shifu.

"...Yes," he agreed grudgingly. "Very good."

"I'm glad you think so, _Master_ Shifu, because I had your delicate constitution in mind while I was cooking it," she informed him innocently. She supposed it could have come off as an insult, but it _did_ annoy her that he rarely admitted that her cooking was absolutely divine.

"Yes, I can see that," he replied graciously. "But I can't help but wonder why you didn't put out the kibble and bones you had prepared for yourself." He was getting much better at throwing insults.

She knew that she should have just left it at that, but she appreciated the newfound challenge and, to be honest, this _was _her version of getting along. "Oh, I know your distaste for such things. I didn't want to discourage your more than healthy appetite."

Shifu stopped heaping rice onto his plate at that and momentarily glowered at her before resuming his casual facade. "And I thank you for that courtesy," he replied slowly. "I know it must have taken considerable self-control on your part, a difficult feat to be sure. Had I known in advance, I would have prepared a _treat_ for you." He seemed to want to continue on with his dog theme, so she decided to follow suit.

"That would have been quite unnecessary." She began to serve herself as she spoke, pointedly doling out considerably smaller portions than what lay on Shifu's plate. "I doubt there would have been any left for me if you _had_, anyway."

He smiled wryly at that. "Humble as always, I see. You are certainly showing a talent for grace of tongue that I have never seen from you before."

"Likewise," she complimented as she took a bite of her dinner; it _had_ turned out rather well. "Though I must admit that I find your subject matter somewhat lacking in creativity."

Shifu looked ready to reply to that, but was stopped by the sound of a throat clearing.

Tai Lung looked back and forth between them, a puzzled expression on his face. "Um... Lin, Master? Are you guys... Okay?"

"Never better!" Lin answered enthusiastically. "Didya get yourself some tea, kid?"

"Yeah, it's really good," he replied hesitantly. "...You're sure there's nothing weird going on that I don't know about?"

"Nothing at all," Shifu answered him this time. "As you can see, we are getting along swimmingly."

"...Right." He didn't look convinced, but he dug into his dinner all the same. "So you're both... Okay with each other now?"

Lin normally didn't like to lie to the kid, but it was for the greater good. "Definitely." She waited for Shifu to add something, but when he remained silent she gently elbowed him to get him to speak up.

"Yes," he supplied lamely. "It is all... Water under the bridge." His expression seemed to say otherwise, though.

She smiled encouragingly, hoping to put Tai Lung at ease. "So how'd your day go?" She realized as she spoke that this was the first time, in her memory at least, that she had asked him about his day. She thought she sounded kind of like a concerned parent, or at least the stereotype of one. Lord knew she'd never experienced such a thing for herself.

"Well... I trained and studied, as usual. And I mastered a new style of kung fu." He swelled a bit with pride at that. "Eagle Claw."

"Sounds fancy." She glanced over at Shifu and was surprised to see that he, too, looked rather proud of this accomplishment. "I'll bet you could beat up a few bandits, yourself, with some new moves like that."

"Not if _I_ have anything to say about it," Shifu cut in, his tone stern. "Tai Lung is too young to be seriously fighting _anyone_. Not that _you_ would know anything on the subject."

"Yes she does!" Tai Lung protested, then proceeded to look absolutely mortified at having contradicted his master. "That is, she mentioned having been in fights before," he muttered, gulping at the extremely unpleasant expression on Shifu's face.

"Do tell." He turned to Lin, raising his eyebrows.

She smiled tightly back at him, simultaneously cursing Tai Lung's enthusiasm and feeling quite bad for him, since he didn't seem to be at all at ease, as had been the main goal for the night. "I, uhm..." She let out a fake cough, trying to think up a response that would satisfy Shifu's constantly prying curiosity without incriminating herself. After all, she doubted he'd respond well to stories of senseless bar fights, and visibly cringed at the thought of what his reaction might be to hearing about the fisticuffs she'd engaged in during one of her instances of incarceration. "It's nothing, really," she finally told them lamely. "Just fights with my brothers, y'know..." Which _was_ the truth, just not the whole truth.

Shifu snorted at that, apparently satisfied with her answer if he saw fit to mock it.

"Aw, c'mon," Tai Lung prompted, recovering from his earlier shame. "You told me you traveled a lot, so you must've had fights besides that, right?"

"Nope," she answered quickly, but of course the kid's question had ignited a gleam in Shifu's eye that did not bode well for her privacy.

"Now that you mention it, Tai Lung, I _have_ heard something about her travels." He then turned to Lin. "I believe you mentioned a certain familiarity with Shangba? You know, The Village of Death."

"Cool!" Tai Lung immediately exclaimed, then had the good sense to look sheepish at Shifu's frown of disapproval.

"I only passed through, really." Lin did _not_ like the direction the conversation was going in. She had a feeling that if it kept up, she would find herself backed into a corner. "And as I pointed out before, it's hardly a 'deadly' place. Just a quiet little village by the shore. Oogway's only going there because of the wokou-"

"Wow!" he interrupted, his eyes lighting up. "Have _you_ ever seen any pirates?"

"Well, yeah," she answered honestly; she didn't want to contradict anything she'd said before, and she remembered mentioning the origins of her calligraphy style to Shifu. Actually, that gave her an idea. "I'm sure _Master Shifu's_ met a few in his days, too."

"Yeah, I bet you've beat up _tons_ of pirates by now, Master!" It was one of the few times that Tai Lung had let his guard down enough to reveal his hero worship of his master, and it was absolutely adorable.

"I suppose that's one way to put it," Shifu reluctantly admitted, taking a moment to narrow his eyes suspiciously at Lin. "But I don't know if you would really want to hear about all of that."

"But there are all these stories about you that I don't know, Master. I'm sure it would inspire me to hear at least _one_." Tai Lung's eyes grew wide and watery in a pleading expression. "Master Oogway told me once that you've wielded the Sword of Heroes."

"You know how to use a _sword?_" Lin belatedly realized that she'd sounded rather impressed, and let out another fake cough to try to recover some of her dignity. "That's, uh, pretty neat." She attempted to sound nonchalant then, but she had a feeling the damage had already been done.

Shifu stared at her as if she had grown a second head, while Tai Lung grinned at her.

"See, Lin wants to hear about it, too," the kid pointed out smugly.

"Sure, why not?" she sighed, still trying very hard to hide her embarrassment.

"Well..." Shifu eyed her suspiciously, then turned his gaze to Tai Lung's pleading face. "Alright. I will tell you about a more recent trip of mine."

"And you used the Sword of Heroes?" Tai Lung asked hopefully.

"No," he answered, and Tai Lung visibly deflated. "I only wielded the sword once, and that story is far too complicated for tonight. Perhaps when you're older."

"Okay," he agreed dejectedly.

"As for my story," he went on, straightening up in his seat a bit. "Picture it: Shanghai, four years ago," he started, and Lin blinked in surprise; she'd been living there at the time. "I was called in by the local magistrate to quell an uprising, mostly consisting of some rioting caused by the city's less _savory_ citizens. Their leader was a young fellow who went by the name of Quan, though I never met him myself."

Lin almost choked on her dinner at that, and started coughing for real. "That was _you?_" she blurted out without thinking.

Shifu and Tai Lung both stared at her with wide eyes, and she knew she'd said too much.

"What I mean is..." she croaked, pausing to take a soothing sip of tea. "...I've heard this story."

"You have?" Shifu seemed surprised at that. "Where?"

"From a merchant," she replied; it was the most believable source she could think of on short notice. "He'd been in the city at the time, to witness it all."

"I see." He continued to stare at her for a bit, then cleared his throat and continued on with the story. "Where was I?"

"You were telling us about the brutally evil Quan," Tai Lung reminded excitedly, "whose butt you never had the opportunity to kick, because he was a lowly coward."

"Would you quit with the ad-libbing and let him tell the story?" Lin grumbled.

"The _both_ of you should calm down," Shifu lectured, affixing them each in turn with a stern frown. "Now, as I was saying... I never met Quan, since he was an elusive man, though I did hear quite a few tales. He had actually broken out of jail shortly before inciting the uprising, so I'm sure that was one of the reasons he'd been laying low."

"Yeah, I heard he was really tough," Lin added. "And talented in many pursuits. Also, quite the ladies' man."

"Am I telling this story, or are you?" Shifu glared at her, then continued. "Well, Quan was an artist."

"What?" Tai Lung was the one to interrupt this time. "An _artist?_ That doesn't make any sense! Shouldn't that make him a wimp?"

"Well, he was known to be well acquainted with the wokou who often raided the city, so I'm guessing no." Shifu smiled a bit, apparently amused by Tai Lung's outburst. "He'd printed quite a few unsavory materials about the magistrate, the emperor, the local governor- pretty much anyone with any kind of power in the government. Anyway, he'd whipped almost every local rough up into a frenzy over some issue, my memory's a little bit fuzzy-"

"The widening gap between the rich and the poor," Lin interjected. "At least, that's how the merchant told it to me."

"Yes, that," he grumbled, apparently resentful over the interruption. "Half the city was in ruins by the time I got there. It was my job to help round up and imprison some of the more notorious upstarts, though Quan himself eluded us. The rioting died down after only a few days, and within the week the jails were practically overflowing."

"Tell us about a real fight!" Tai Lung pleaded. "Tell us about how you single-handedly beat up everyone in Shanghai!"

Shifu shook his head at that. "Oh, it's nothing all that sensational. You'll learn once you become a master yourself that there's more to it than simply beating people up. I helped in whatever way I could, but Shanghai wasn't the sort of city that would benefit long-term from my interference, so in the end I left. Besides, I was eager to return home to you and Master Oogway. That magistrate wasn't a very pleasant person, either. Rather corrupt, actually, but there was nothing I could do without throwing the city into a full-on civil war." He looked a bit sad at that, actually.

"You should've, anyway," Lin muttered into her tea.

"What was that?"

"I said, that was probably the most boring story I have ever heard from anyone, and I have no idea why you told us to begin with. Now, who wants dessert?" She decided to let the subject drop; she knew very well what had gone on in Shanghai, but it was neither the time nor the place to split hairs over it. "I made candied orange slices."

"Ooh!" Tai Lung lit up at that. "May I have some, Master? Please?"

"Very well," he agreed grudgingly.

Lin got up and began clearing the table for dessert, relieved that she had been able to successfully change the subject; it had been quite awkward for her, sitting there and listening to Shifu talk about something she'd experienced for herself from a much different perspective.

"Hey, Lin." Tai Lung, however, didn't seem to want to drop the topic. "You ever been to Shanghai?"

"Nope," she answered instantly. "I've only ever hearda the place. Apparently, though, it's full of 'young fellows' and 'local roughs.'" She snorted a bit and shot Shifu a derisive grin.

"Don't you _dare_ call me old again," he replied. "And how is it that you seem to know so much about this if you've never been to Shanghai?"

"The merchant I spoke to was a very good story-teller." She brought a small plate for each of them with some of the orange slices and lychee nuts to the table and set them down.

"Or maybe," Tai Lung replied, furrowing his brow contemplatively as he bit into an orange slice, "you actually _have_ been to Shanghai, and you fell deeply in love with the young rogue Quan, only to be left heartbroken and alone."

Lin's mouth fell open in shock as she stared at Tai Lung. She quickly recovered, however, and sat back down quite heavily. "What is _with_ you tonight? That's the second time you've just added complete nonsense to this story. What're you, Shakespeare alluva sudden?"

"What's that?" he asked, blinking.

"Never mind," she huffed, leaning back in her chair. That was when she noticed that Shifu was studying her in a very clinical fashion, as if he suddenly believed what Tai Lung had said. "What?" she snapped.

"Nothing," he replied quickly, then took a sip of tea. After a moment's silence, he spoke again. "I was just trying to imagine what it would be like if you were romantically swept off your feet by a young rogue." He then wrinkled his nose. "Not a pleasant image."

Tai Lung quickly clapped a hand over his mouth and snorted with barely contained mirth.

"Yeah, yeah, go on and laugh," she sighed, relieved that she wasn't about to face another one of Shifu's barrages of questioning. "I'll have you know that I have never been, nor will I _ever_ be, swept off my feet by anyone or anything."

"I had guessed _that_ much by now," Shifu replied cuttingly; since when had he ever been capable of wit?

"Oh please, grandpa," she shot back. "The only way you'd be able to sweep a woman off her feet would be if she was in a walker to begin with."

"I am _not_ that old," he protested.

"You're only as old as you act," she pointed out smugly.

"So that would make you around five years old, then." He popped an orange slice into his mouth, then suddenly blinked in surprise and gulped. "These are _good_."

"Uhuh," Tai Lung agreed, then dug into his lychees. "Really good!"

Lin grinned, taking great satisfaction in the responses to her oranges. She took a bite out of one, savoring the sweetness that was complimented by the blend of spices she'd used. She remembered the few rare occasions that her grandmother had made candied fruit, usually around the holidays or to celebrate a marriage. She wrinkled her nose at the thought of _that_ particular practice.

As the table went silent and they all enjoyed their dessert and tea, she eyed Tai Lung and Shifu in turn. They seemed more relaxed together than she had ever seen them, and for once she felt a little bit like a third wheel for being there. Besides, if Shifu was ever going to speak with Tai Lung, he certainly wouldn't do so in her presence. She decided to do them both a favor and give them some time alone. "Well, I'm starting to get gas, so I need to take a walk." She stood up while Tai Lung snorted in laughter and Shifu choked a bit on a lychee. "I'll be back later to clean up. Seeya!" She booked it out of the kitchen and had almost made it to the front door, too, before Shifu stopped her.

"Wait!" he hissed, catching up to her rather easily.

"What're you doing? Get back in there and talk to Tai Lung," she whispered back. "Now is the perfect time."

"I can't." He looked rather pained, admitting it. He even crossed his arms and turned his eyes to the ground in a sulky kind of way. "Not without you," he grumbled reluctantly.

Lin thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head as she stared at him. She had never thought that, even in the face of absolute apocalypse, would Shifu ever, even for a _moment_, admit to needing her help. "Whaddaya need _me_ for?" She decided to convince him using his own arguments, and just a smidgen of flattery. "_You're_ his father. Just go talk to him."

"But he... He..." He flailed his hands about in mute gesturing for a moment, then dropped them to his sides and let out a heavy sigh. "...He _likes_ you better."

"Bullshit," she snapped back; it was about time she put her foot down and kicked his ass into gear, whether he liked it or not. "Yeah, he talks to me more, but when he really, _truly_ needs someone, you're the one he'll go to. So, to quote my dear departed grandmother: quit being a pussy!"

He blinked in surprise at that last statement before an offended frown slowly spread across his face. "Don't talk to me like that!"

"Then don't do anything to _warrant_ me talking to you like that!" She reached out and slapped him on the arm. "Whatsamatter with you? Get back in there!"

"Stop that," he sputtered, taking a step back from her.

"Not until you get outta my sight!" She hit him again. "Go on! Get outta here!"

"_Fine_," he growled, then turned and headed back to the kitchen. He stopped at the doorway, then, and turned back to her. "...Thank you," he muttered in an extremely strained voice.

"Don't make me come over there," she warned, raising an arm in a threatening gesture.

He just shook his head and disappeared into the kitchen.

Lin continued on her journey out to the grounds, surprised by the satisfied smile that spread across her face as she went. It felt good to help people.

* * *

Tai Lung yawned loudly as he went about his morning chores; he currently found himself sweeping the Hall of Heroes. It was a little strange, actually, as he would have never thought of the Hall of Heroes as the type of place that was swept by someone if he weren't the one to do it. It was just so regal, it seemed like it shouldn't be collecting dust at all.

He paused to stretch out in front of the the Urn of Whispering Warriors; he'd been sore all over lately, and while he liked to think he was building muscle, Lin had attributed the soreness to "growing pains." If those even existed. He eyed the urn, wondering if it actually _was_ full of souls. Probably not, but it at least made for a good story. He surveyed the hall for a moment, just to make sure that no one else was there to see him, then reached out with one finger to give the urn a gentle poke. As it rocked back on its pedestal, he could have sworn he heard very faint cries of distress.

"Tai Lung!"

He jumped back from the urn at the sound of his master's voice, wincing as it fell back into position with a loud thud. "Master!" He quickly bowed as Shifu approached, hoping that his infraction hadn't been witnessed. "I was just- um- sweeping."

"So I see," he replied, glancing at the broom in Tai Lung's hand. "There is something we need to discuss."

"It was an accident," Tai Lung rushed out, "I didn't mean to poke it, but-"

"What?" Shifu apparently _hadn't_ seen him touch the urn.

"Nothing." He straightened up a little, trying to look as innocent as possible. "What was it that you wished to discuss, Master?"

Shifu narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between Tai Lung and the urn. "Did you poke the Legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors?" he asked harshly.

Tai Lung suppressed a groan and nodded slowly, awaiting his inevitable punishment.

However, rather than becoming angry as he would have expected, Shifu simply furrowed his brow in confusion. "...Why?"

He blinked back, wondering if there was some sort of catch. "I, um..." He actually wasn't sure what he had hoped to accomplish by poking at the urn. "I... Dunno," he mumbled sheepishly, turning his eyes to the ground.

Shifu continued to stare at him with a puzzled expression on his face for what seemed like forever. Then, finally, he spoke. "...Anyway, there is something I would like to- to talk to you about."

Tai Lung could hardly believe that he was actually getting away with touching the urn, but he wasn't about to question it, lest Shifu change his mind. "Yes, Master?"

"I, ahm..." Shifu crossed his arms behind his back and rocked back on his heels a little. "That is- well- you asked Lin to take you into the village?"

He nearly fainted. "She told you?" The last thing he had expected Lin to do was to tell Shifu about his request; the turn of events was rather upsetting, and he actually felt betrayed. He'd confided in Lin because, even though she was an adult, she still seemed to understand him. He'd thought she would never turn around and, for lack of a better term, tell on him.

"Yes." Shifu's expression was stern, but he still didn't burst out into angry ranting. "I wish you would have come to me on the matter." He shook his head, and let out a heavy sigh. "I... Suppose that I am the one to blame for that."

Tai Lung was stumped. He'd never seen Master Shifu act so... Contrite, he supposed the word for it would be. Moreover, he was stunned that he hadn't gotten into trouble. Was it possible that Lin had convinced his master to take it easy on him? "I'm sorry, Master," he replied slowly, still not quite able to believe the situation. "I shouldn't have tried to disobey you like that." As ridiculous as the rule was.

"No, you shouldn't have," he agreed, visibly relaxing a little. "But perhaps it would be best if I... Let it go, just this once."

Tai Lung almost fell over at that. "Really?"

"Yes. And... You can go."

"_Really!_" Tai Lung cleared his throat then, embarrassed at his outburst; still, he felt as if he'd been dropped into some sort of wonderful alternate universe. "I mean- um- thank you, Master."

Amazingly enough, Shifu smiled. "Just promise me that you'll be careful."

"Absolutely!" he agreed. "I promise!" He bowed, too, just to be safe. "I won't let you down, Master."

"Try not to cause too much trouble for Lin," he added.

Tai Lung raised his eyebrows at that; if anything, he'd expect Shifu to _want_ him to cause trouble for Lin. But then, his master had been acting a bit off ever since dinner the night before; despite their usual bickering, he and Lin had appeared to be actually getting along.

"If you do," he clarified, "I'll never hear the end of it."

"Ah, I see." He could understand that; after all, Lin never _ever_ dropped an issue, no matter what. Even if she acted as if she had forgotten about it, Tai Lung could tell that she simply held onto whatever it was that had bothered her until she could use against whoever had wronged her. Mostly he'd observed this from her fights with Shifu. "Thank you, Master," he repeated, at a loss for what else to say.

"I am just glad to see you happy." It was as if he had transformed momentarily into a completely different person. However, that seemed to be the end of the transformation, as Shifu once again straightened up and took on a much more stern tone. "You may accompany Lin to the village tomorrow, but by no means is that permission to slack off today. I'll expect to see you in the training hall in fifteen minutes."

"Yes, Master." Tai Lung punched a fist into his hand and bowed one more time, then watched as his master turned and left the hall. He hurried to finish up his sweeping, waiting until he thought Shifu was safely out of earshot, then expressed his excitement to the surrounding artifacts. "YES!"

* * *

Shifu stood outside the training hall, waiting for Tai Lung to finish up his morning chores. While he hadn't been able to work up the nerve to speak to him the night before, Shifu was actually proud of himself for being able to do so that morning. Even if the discussion _had_ been rather awkward. Still, dinner had actually been enjoyable on some level; he'd been able to bond with Tai Lung, and he would be lying if he said he didn't like trading barbs with Lin- mostly when he managed to get a good dig in. He found his contemplation suddenly interrupted when his sensitive ears picked up a faint shout of joy emanate from the direction of the Hall of Heroes. Despite himself, he smiled.

"Well _that's_ new," a completely unwelcome voice commented.

The smile fell from his face as he turned to see Lin climb up the steps onto the porch with a tray of tea, fruit and tofu. "What is _that?_"

"Breakfast," she replied. "Nobody showed up, so I figured you guys were over here rolling around on a bed of spikes or whatever it is you do." She balanced the tray on one hand, then picked up a cup of tea with the other and handed it to him.

"Isn't that heavy?" he asked, eyeing the tray as it balanced precariously on her hand.

"Not really," she replied lightly, then paused and furrowed her brow a moment as if she had just recalled something. "Actually, never mind. Yes it is."

"Okay." He sipped at his tea with absolutely no intention of offering his help; she would probably ask him, anyway. Or rather, order him.

"Here," she said, predictably shoving the tray into his arms.

He held the tray on one side with his free hand, while he balanced the other side on his forearm and tightly clutched the tea. "Take this back, right now."

"Nope." She grabbed a peach slice from the tray and popped it into her mouth. "So didya talk to Tai Lung yet, or are you still a pussy?"

He blinked in surprise at the harsh language, then shot her a very disapproving look, which she didn't seem to notice. "I _did_ speak to him, for your information. Just a few minutes ago."

"Yeah? How'd that work out forya?" She then took a cup of tea, as well.

"He'll be accompanying you to the village tomorrow." Shifu watched her gulp down her tea, then glanced down at his own, inaccessible cup. He felt offended, actually, at the way she was drinking her tea in huge mouthfuls while he held her tray and stared helplessly down at his own. He could have easily balanced the tray with one hand, but then he ran the risk of her knocking it over for some reason. "Don't do anything untoward," he reminded her.

"Untoward?" she repeated. "What're you, a hundred years old? Whaddaya even _mean_ by 'untoward,' anyway? You think I'm gonna be starting bar fights or picking up whores or something?"

"That's enough, I get it," he grumbled. "And you know what I mean."

"Yeah, yeah," she dismissed.

"Don't be a child." He really did feel sometimes as if he had two children instead of one.

"I might as well be, compared to you," she jabbed, then ate another piece of fruit from the tray. "And _stop_ calling me old."

"Okay, fatty." She then reached under the tray and poked him in the stomach. "Save some for Tai Lung. Anyway, seeya at lunch." With that, she ran off before he had a chance to express his anger at being called fat, which he most certainly wasn't.

Perhaps as he approached his forties he had started to retain a little extra weight around the middle, but by no means would he consider someone of his build _fat_. He shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts; he couldn't believe he'd even been contemplating his weight to begin with. Lin was starting to get to him.

Speaking of whom... She'd run off before he'd had time to speak to her about whether or not she actually _had_ been in Shanghai. Her behavior the night before had been somewhat suspicious, and while at the time he'd had other worries to attend to, he had certainly not forgotten. Perhaps Tai Lung's guess had been right, to a degree.

He stopped thinking about that possibility the moment he considered that such an instance would have required a man, _any_ man, to actually be interested in Lin romantically. While she certainly was capable of a small amount of charm when it suited her needs, she was hardly what he would call bearable. He couldn't even begin to imagine that anyone in his right mind would actually _want_ to spend his entire life with her. Not to mention the horrific consequences that would inevitably ensue from said man attempting to establish any kind of physical intimacy with her. The mental image of Lin beating down a prospective lover with a large wooden spoon was actually rather funny, he had to admit.

"Master?" Tai Lung approached, then stopped on the porch in front of him and bowed. "What were you laughing at?"

Shifu realized that he'd been chuckling under his breath, and quickly cleared his throat, embarrassed. "Oh, it was nothing. Now, let us begin."

* * *

Tai Lung bounced excitedly on his heels as he waited on one of the many landings of the thousand steps that led down into the village below. "Hurry up, Lin!" he called. He was getting rather antsy; after all, it had been _ages_ since he'd been to the village.

"I'm a'coming," she groaned as she slowly descended the stairs. "Y'know, we can't _all_ be kung fu prodigies. How's about slowing it down a little and enjoying the walk, huh?"

"Now way!" he protested, appalled at the idea. "We're on a time limit, you know, and I wanna spend as much time in the village as possible."

"I know, but it's not like you'll never be able to go down there again." She finally made it down to the landing, stretching when she did so.

"Yeah, maybe. Who knows?" He grinned at her, thinking of how much fun they were going to have. "If you stick around, maybe I'll be able to make the trip every day!"

"Not likely," she sighed, shaking her head. "Hey, weren't _you_ the one in a hurry?"

"Oh, right!" And with that, he ran ahead down the stairs, ignoring the tired grunt that Lin let out behind him. He knew that he really shouldn't be so incredibly worked up over a simple shopping trip, but he just couldn't help but think of the endless possibilities involved in just a few hours down in the village. Of course, he wanted to meet and play with some children his own age, and that alone was enough to send him into an adrenaline-fueled frenzy. Then there were all the sights and smells- the vendors and their produce, spices, cloth, brushes and papers, and even fireworks! And Shifu had even given him some allowance to spend, on top of it all. And he had Lin to thank for helping him. He'd have to get her something special when she wasn't paying attention, like a fancy spoon or something.

If they ever made it down there, to begin with. "Lin!" he called over his shoulder.

"Hold your horses!" she shouted back.

Despite Lin's slow pace, they did eventually make it into the village, and Tai Lung thought he might burst from the anticipation of making it to the marketplace. He marveled at all the houses around him and their colorful tiled roofs, the carts selling assorted foods such as dumplings and noodles, and most of all at the residents of the valley, swarming through the streets on their daily chores. It was rare that he was privy to such a crowd of people, and even more rare when he could actually be a part of it.

Once they actually reached the market, he nearly let out an audible shout at the sight. An entire main street was lined with portable carts and sturdy wooden stands selling absolutely anything and everything he could think of. There were fireworks vendors, of course, and then there were stands selling things such as cloth and jewelry, colorful kites, masks for festivals, and little trinkets such as small wooden toys of Master Oogway and Master Shifu themselves. And that wasn't all- there were even stands selling scroll paintings, and then there were vendors selling kitchen tools- one had nothing on his cart but woks- and of course the produce and spice stands were expansive in themselves. On top of this, the street was absolutely _packed_ with people: geese and ducks, pigs, rabbits, sheep, a few cranes, and he thought he even saw a tiger. "Wow!" he exclaimed, no longer able to hold in his wonder.

Lin let out a low chuckle. "Just stick close to me so you don't get lost in the crowd, okay kid?"

He nodded back at her and took hold of the hand she offered, following closely as she guided him deftly through the churning crowd. It was obvious that she had experience with this kind of thing, if he were to judge by the way she was able to weave in and out of the milling patrons, seemingly anticipating their every move as she ducked under shopping baskets and sidled through even the narrowest gap between pedestrians without so much as brushing against a single person.

Suddenly, she came to a stop in front of a vendor who appeared to be selling nothing more than ordinary rocks, and eyed them longingly. After a few moments, she shook her head, as if coming out of a spell, and moved on. "I don't need 'em."

"Why'd you want rocks in the first place?" he asked, curious as to what purpose she could have possibly had for them.

"They're not just rocks," she replied, then paused, frowning. "Never mind, kid. It's a boring explanation, anyway." She yanked him in between a goose bartering with a sheep, then wove through three mothers carrying infants and just barely managed to dodge an oncoming noodle cart. She stopped again, this time at a vendor who was selling root vegetables. "Since you're coming along, I'm gonna needya to help carry some stuff," she informed him as she picked up a potato and closely examined it for blemishes with her free hand, steadfastly holding onto him with the other.

Tai Lung let out a disappointed groan; if he didn't know any better, he'd say she was being a little overprotective. "Can't I find some kids to play with, or look around on my own for a little while?"

She set the potato down and turned to him, pulling him closer when a rabbit hurriedly tried to squeeze by. "Sure you can, kid. I don't need your help for a little while yet. The thing is, you can't go too far, or else I'd hafta spend all day trying to findya."

"But I can find my way back to the Jade Palace on my own!" he protested.

"Yeah, and then Shifu'd spend the rest of the night chewing me out for not carrying you around like a little baby," she reminded him. "Look, you can go on your own as long as you stay close, and as long as you come back, y'hear? And if we get separated, meet me at noon back at the thousand steps, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, yanking his hand out of hers. Then he turned to scan the crowd for other children around his age, surprised at how slim the pickings were. Most of the children he could see were either infants or just old enough that they'd most likely laugh at him and turn him away if he tried to strike up any kind of rapport.

Lin elbowed Tai Lung in the side, snapping him out of the deeply focused state he'd entered while scanning the crowd. "Hey, you wanna make some new friends, right?" She then pointed to a nearby rabbit who looked about his age, on a shopping trip with her mother. "Try that girl."

"What? _Why_?" He wrinkled his nose in distaste and shook his head. "She's a _girl_."

"So'm I," Lin pointed out as she took another potato from the vendor to inspect it for blemishes, then tossed it back into the pile.

"Yeah, but you're _different_," he huffed, crossing his arms.

"Tell me about it," she agreed, watching as he glanced at the girl and frowned. "You kinda remind me of Shifu when you do stuff like that."

He gave her a horrified look to show her exactly what he thought of that sentiment.

"Look, you'll thank me for this when you're older."

Tai Lung made another face, completely unconvinced.

"Tai Lung, look me in the eye." She reached up and placed her hands on his shoulders, taking on the most serious tone he'd ever heard from her. "Learning how to speak to girls is something that most men never achieve in their entire lifetimes. Take your father, for instance. Girls- and women- are aggressive, conniving _beasts_, filled with impotent rage. They will make your life miserable just because they're bored. Women are absolutely merciless, as they have needed to be to survive in a world dominated by men. If you show so much as a single inkling of fear or weak disposition, they will devour you alive like so many hungry locusts. So learn how to talk to 'em. Got it?"

"Uh... Sure." He took a step back from her, pulling himself loose from her grip.

"Have fun!" she exclaimed, waving him off and turning back to the potatoes with a determined expression on her face.

Tai Lung gulped to himself, then steeled his nerves and slowly approached the girl. After all, she _was _the only kid in sight who even approached his age. When he had gotten within speaking distance, but was still far away enough not to merit an adverse reaction, he greeted her. "Hi."

She turned around with a puzzled expression on her face, then blinked up at him, obviously surprised by his size and species. "...Who're you?" she asked, her tone a bit harsh.

"Um, I'm Tai Lung," he answered, trying to think of what Lin would do in such a situation. "And I just came over here 'cause I thought you looked like the kinda person who likes to have a lot of fun. Whaddaya say you and I play a friendly game or something? Perhaps I could treat you to a dumpling. Or, if you like, we could just, y'know, shoot the breeze." He might have been trying a little too hard, but he was proud of how confident and natural he sounded.

"...You sound like my dorky dad," she replied, completely dispelling him of the notion that he'd made a good first impression.

"I, uh, uhm," he sputtered.

"I'm Mei," she went on, bowing curtly to him.

He bowed back, amazed that she'd still given him her name after he'd messed up like that.

"And this is my mother." She indicated the woman behind her, who happened to be haggling quite animatedly over some peaches. "You're a pretty big kid."

"Uh, yeah," he replied awkwardly. "Apparently I'm going through a growth spurt." He wondered if perhaps he was giving a little too much information.

"Where's _your_ mom?" she suddenly asked, narrowing her eyes at him, then scanning the crowd. "I don't see any other cats around."

"Um, she's over at the potato stand," he answered, pointing at Lin.

"That's a _dog_." She looked back at him as if he were crazy.

"Well, she's not my _mom_, really..." The situation was definitely getting awkward. He wasn't sure how she would react to him having no actual relatives to speak of; he'd heard from Shifu and Oogway that some people could be very judgmental about such things.

"So she's, what, your nanny or something?" She apparently hadn't jumped to the conclusion that he was adopted, though.

"Um, actually, she's a cook." That sounded even weirder, though, than saying he was adopted.

"What? You're hanging out with your cook?" She narrowed her eyes up at him before an expression of understanding dawned on her face. "Ohhh, I get it now! You're her _apprentice_. Wow, you're really big for a cook!"

He could only stare down at her, flabbergasted by the idea.

"Hey, you wanna play a game?"

Well, if it got him into her good graces, he really couldn't argue. "Sure!" He'd done it; he'd actually made a _friend_, all on his own. It felt even better than, dare he say it, mastering one of the thousand scrolls. Well, it was comparable at least. He grinned to himself; he really _could_ do anything he put his mind to.

* * *

Lin watched Tai Lung run off with the rabbit girl she'd forced him to speak to, laughing and playing like old friends. She had to admit, it was heart-warming to see him so happy and carefree. It reminded her of the rare carefree moments of her own childhood, running through fields of mud and beating her brothers with rotting old branches. Well, they weren't the most sophisticated carefree childhood moments in the world, but they were still happy memories.

And then, against her better judgment, she thought of her oldest sister. She'd been about Tai Lung's age when her sister had been sent off to get married, but they'd been so close beforehand. She remembered brushing her sister's hair, even though it wasn't exactly the kind of thing she enjoyed, just so they could talk. And she remembered accompanying her out to the well to fetch water, and helping her sew patches onto their father's worn out trousers. She shook her head at that particular memory; she'd never been very good at sewing, and her mother had always scolded her for her many mistakes.

She stopped herself there; thinking like that about the past would only cause her trouble, and that was one of the few things she already had plenty of. Besides, it was all over now, so there was no point in dredging it up all over again. At least, that was what she told herself whenever her mind traveled in that direction.

She focused on Tai Lung again, who, to her utter amusement, was puzzling over a game of cat's cradle of all things. She chuckled as the bossy girl he was playing with attempted to show him the correct way to weave the string over his fingers, but it just ended up in a tangled mess. The clueless expression on his face was very similar to Shifu's, actually. In fact, the more time she spent around the two of them, the more similarities she noticed between them, despite their divergent personalities.

It was no good for her to be thinking about her fondness for her newfound friends, either. She'd have to leave them soon enough, anyway. Still, she couldn't help but get caught up in the moment and appreciate all the things that she had once taken for granted about a life of domestication. Oogway's early morning chats with her while he practiced tai chi under the peach tree... Tai Lung's playful laughter... Shifu's cute ass.

She paused, marveling at that last thought. While she normally wasn't one for denial, that was definitely the last thing she'd expected herself to conjure up, and she wasn't sure that she ever wanted to think of it again. Even if it _was_ true. And the mustache was kind of cute, too.

Perhaps, she thought, it would be best to turn her mind to a completely different subject. She searched her repertoire of inner musings for some kind of distraction, when fate decided to throw her one of a much more physical sort.

With a loud crash and a distant scream, the market erupted into complete and utter panic as patrons scrambled back and forth, through side streets and alleyways, to escape the sudden mayhem. She had no idea what had caused such a sudden scene, but she was given an inkling as she pushed through the crowd towards a frozen Tai Lung. Above the heads of the churning, shouting masses she spied something much taller than the majority of the valley's inhabitants- something green and scaly.

* * *

A/N: CLIFFHANGERRRRRR. Sorry, I got excited for my first real cliffhanger of the story. Intense things are happening now! Isn't this wonderful? It's probably not going to be worth the 14 chapter wait, but hey, who actually reads Kung Fu Panda fanfiction for the fighting, anyway? *Shifty eyes* Oh, and I just couldn't help that nod to Sofia from The Golden Girls... "Picture it: Sicily, 1945..." Now _that_ show has some great bickering in it. And I know the dog jokes barely make sense in a world where domesticated pets don't exist... But I couldn't resist them. :)

Anyway, next chapter I'll reveal what all the hullabaloo is about. Also, since I know how hard it can be to wait for a cliffhanger, expect the next chapter in one week instead of two. Yep, you heard it here first! Anyway, off I trot back to boring real life.


	15. Live and Let Dine

A/N: I couldn't resist posting just a few hours early! And it's so unusual for me, too :P. Anyway, welcome to my first fight scene... It seems insane that I've been writing for so long and this is the first time I've actually done a fight scene (cat fights not withstanding). Well, I'll keep my fingers crossed that it's okay. So, here's the continuation from last chapter. Hope you don't mind diving right in!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda does not belong to me. It does not belong to YOU. Unless you're Dreamworks, here to scout my ideas for the sequel. In which case, it'll cost you. In the form of a gift certificate to IHOP, a paper clip, a rubber band, a tub of Vaseline, and your discretion.

* * *

Chapter 15: Live and Let Dine

* * *

"Bandits!" someone in the crowd shouted in a panicked voice, though Lin had already surmised as much on her own. And not just bandits, _crocodile_ bandits.

As she pushed through the crowd which, annoyingly enough, was traveling in the opposite direction that she was, she wondered if perhaps they were the same bandits she had dealt with just before traveling the Thread of Hope. There definitely had to be a connection, at least, between these bandits and the ones Shifu had faced not too long ago. And judging by the shape Shifu had been in upon his return from that particular trip, these crocodiles were most likely tougher than the average bandit.

She finally managed to reach Tai Lung, who had been staring in the direction of said bandits with an excited gleam in his eyes that she did _not_ like. She wrapped both her arms around one of his in a secure hold and yanked. "C'mon!" she shouted at him. The crowd had already begun to thin out, and she didn't like the idea of being exposed, and most certainly not in front of an enemy that might recognize her.

"But I can do this!" he predictably replied. "Lin, just give me a chance! I _know_ I can beat them!"

"No!" she snapped, and somehow managed to slowly drag him along in the direction of safety. He wasn't exactly struggling, but he wasn't making any attempt to follow her, either. She decided to reason with him, since it was rather tiring trying to drag a snow leopard across a crowded street. "Look, just come with me to someplace _sheltered_ so we can make a game plan, okay?"

He blinked down at her, then glanced back at the crocodile bandits, who were currently growing in number and making a show of looting and destroying every one of the marketplace stands in their paths. "...Okay," he finally agreed.

She yanked Tai Lung into the nearest alley and stopped to catch her breath. Most of the other patrons of the marketplace had already escaped to their homes, or wherever it was they had gone, so it was going to take some effort for them to get safely back to the Jade Palace. Still, she'd pulled off more difficult escapes than this, and if worse came to worse the houses in the valley were close enough together for them to travel by rooftop or even through the houses if need be. "Listen up. Crocodiles have incredibly strong jaw muscles- but only when closing their mouths. The muscles they use to open their mouths are weak enough that you can hold a crocodile's mouth closed no problem. Also, they have slow metabolisms, so they tire easily. Usually they only use short bursts of energy at a time, and go for an ambush strategy, so your timing with them's gonna be critical. You got all that?"

"How do you know so much about crocodiles?" he whispered.

"Because I used to be one," she replied sarcastically. "Now c'mon, we gotta get the hell outta here."

"No way!" Tai Lung hissed back at her. "I can take these guys, just let me at 'em!"

"_No_. If Shifu doesn't think you're ready, then you're not ready. Now let's go get him so he can- _Tai Lung!_" She tried in vain to stop him as he shoved past her and ran out toward the entire gang of crocodiles. She could see him facing one or two of the huge creatures, but a dozen was out of the question.

Lin didn't even have second thoughts as she ran after him; she wasn't sure what she was going to do, exactly, but she was pretty good at improvising. Besides, if she could get away from imperial soldiers without a scratch, she could get away from some backwater bandits.

* * *

"Master Shifu!" Yu landed hard next to where Shifu sat under the peach tree, playing his flute in an attempt to relax, for once. Obviously, that was not about to happen.

"Yes?" he asked, exasperated at being interrupted. He sincerely doubted that there was an actual emergency going on, so the messenger's urgency was merely an annoyance.

"Crocodiles- bandits- they're in the valley!" he gasped out frantically, shedding a few feathers as he desperately flailed his wings about.

"Hold this." Shifu shoved his flute toward the goose, then ran off at full speed toward the thousand steps that led down into the village. No matter what the circumstances, he would have gone to the aid of the village immediately, but he was spurred on even further by the thought of Tai Lung (and as much as he'd hate to admit it, Lin) down there. He knew that Tai Lung would do everything in his power to fight with the bandits, which was the main reason he was worried. Tai Lung was strong for his age, and skilled, but even a student as talented as he was would have trouble against a dozen crocodiles, each with a considerable amount of battles under his belt already. There was also Tai Lung's newfound clumsiness to consider, due to his recent growth spurts- as well as the natural fear that any young warrior felt in his first real battle- to think of.

Once he reached the thousand steps he simply leaped down them, landing nimbly in the village within minutes. He climbed up onto the brown tiled roof of the nearest building, and started running along the rooftops, scanning the village for any sign of a disturbance. Of course he caught sight of the crocodiles over by the market, exactly where Lin had taken Tai Lung. Perhaps it was the pit of worry deep in his stomach that propelled him, but he moved faster than he ever had in his life. He leaped into the middle of the main street of the market, which was littered with trampled produce and splintered food carts, and skidded to a halt, facing the group of bandits. They were all gathered around something, and he found out what that something was when one crocodile (their leader, he assumed) stepped out of the crowd and flung Tai Lung to the ground by the tail.

Shifu felt his heart leap into his throat at the sight; while most people would have assumed that he would be filled with rage, that was not the case. It was fear; fear for his son's well-being flooded every last inch of his body. Without a single thought, he ran at the crocodile, but before he even got close, the bandit was knocked unconscious... By an entire table, that had flown at him from seemingly out of nowhere. Shocked, Shifu looked in the direction the table had come from, only to see Lin standing there, one arm still outstretched, looking about as surprised as he felt. After that split second of hesitation, she shocked him even further by barreling straight into the crowd of remaining bandits, heading for Tai Lung.

He realized rather belatedly that she had no idea what she was doing, and so got to work dispatching the rest of the crocodiles before either she or Tai Lung were seriously injured. First, he darted in between the stubby legs of several confused bandits to pick up the dazed Tai Lung, then carried him to a nearby alley where he would be at least comparatively safe. "Wait here for me," he ordered.

Tai Lung just nodded in return, wincing in pain as he did so.

Shifu turned back to the bandits, and was once again shocked to see Lin clutching onto an angry crocodile's snout for dear life, holding it closed with her legs and one arm; the other arm was tucked underneath her body, and he guessed that it was probably injured. She also seemed to have somehow procured a knife, which she had clenched between her teeth. "YARRR!" she bellowed from between clenched teeth, in what sounded almost like a joyful tone of voice, before another bandit jumped into Shifu's line of sight and blocked the inexplicable scene from view.

The single bandit was dispatched easily enough with a series of powerful kicks to the stomach; the real problem would be in trying to overcome the other ten or eleven crocodiles, while getting Lin safely out of the fray. Another aspect of said challenge was the fact that Lin seemed to be enjoying herself. As he jumped into the midst of the chaos he noticed her still torturing the same bandit, having mysteriously procured a broken bottle.

He wondered briefly why none of the crocodile's comrades were helping before realizing that everyone else's attention was focused on him. He was surrounded by a group of angry crocodiles, most likely somehow related to the last group he had faced, and his only source of help were his own child and his inept (and probably drunk) cook. Well, he'd faced worse.

The largest of the group stepped forward, his confidence apparent in the way he casually gripped his deadly looking morning star- despite the large welt on his head from the table that had connected with it. He let out a dark chuckle as he eyed Shifu with contempt. "Don't tell me that _you_ are the great Shifu I hear such stories about?"

The drama of the moment was somewhat diminished by their companion running about behind them and letting out muffled shouts as he attempted to reach Lin's perch on his snout with his short arms. Shifu tried hard not to laugh at the sight, which was made more amusing by its juxtaposition to the sincerity of the bandit leader, but let out a snort.

"You think this is _funny?_" The crocodile growled.

"Actually, boss," one of the lackeys interrupted, pointing back at their comrade, "Cho is kinda-"

"I didn't ask _you_," he snapped back, rolling his eyes.

"As much as I'd like to continue this conversation," Shifu cut in quickly before more antics could distract them, "I think it is about time we got this over with." With that, he leaped at the leader, aiming a kick at his chest. This crocodile was fast, though, and managed to not only dodge, but grab Shifu's ankle and throw him to the ground.

He managed to correct himself, and landed on his feet, crouching low in a fighting stance, with his arms outstretched. He was surrounded, though if he were to judge by the one fellow Lin was keeping busy, the only real challenge he faced was the leader. Still, a crowd of opponents at least five times his size made him wish he at least had a staff to help his reach.

Two crocodiles came after him, then- one from in front and one from behind. He easily dodged by jumping in the air, though the last thing he'd expected them to do was run into each other headfirst like some sort of bad children's story. He groaned to himself at the sight, but decided to just take the small victory and not worry too much about the intelligence of his enemy. He landed outside the circle of bandits that had been surrounding him, and they all stared at the place he'd been standing in utter disbelief. Perhaps they had greatly underestimated him because of his size, and were merely getting used to the idea of his being a skilled kung fu artist. Or perhaps he wouldn't need a staff, after all.

As if on cue, he was once again faced by the ridiculous sight of Lin and her... Opponent. "Hey!" she called wearily as the bandit she clung to ran past him. She yanked on the crocodile's nostrils, and actually managed to get him to turn around and pass Shifu again. "There's some poles and crap over there!" She pointed to a nearby stand, which had most likely been selling woodwork, but was now almost completely destroyed. Apparently Lin had more to say, though, because she had the bandit run by again. "I know how much you like-" she stopped and waited until the bandit passed him one last time. "-Phallic symbols!"

Shifu just stared after her. He could not believe that, in the midst of a fight, while he was trying to save her, she still had the energy and the gall to insult him. He supposed that it came with the territory, at least when the territory in question was _her_. He was also a bit perplexed as to how she knew of his affinity for the staff, but it was definitely not the time to ask.

Her shout had gotten the attention of the other bandits, and they were all currently headed his way at once- about eight of them. So, he decided to go for a weapon and ran to the stand Lin had indicated, grabbing hold of the nearest staff and launching himself at his opponents.

He landed feet-first on one crocodile's face, then brought his staff around to hit another bandit squarely in the jaw. He leaped to the ground and in one swift, spinning motion of the staff he knocked both of their feet out from beneath them, sending them crashing to the ground.

Three more surged forward in their place, and the largest of that group unsheathed a sword that was rather unique in its hourglass shape, ending in three sharp prongs clearly meant for skewering enemies. He swung the sword low and fast, aiming at Shifu's middle. This particular bandit was definitely more skilled than his comrades- Shifu leapt back to avoid the strike, but it was a close call. He then swiftly brought his staff up to block an overhead blow from a second crocodile's tail, which had the spiked head of a flail firmly attached to its end, of all things. The third of the group swung one leg out to attempt to trip him while he was distracted by the other's attack, but he managed to withdraw his staff and sidestep the deadly tail, causing it instead to come down on the crocodile's foot with a loud crunch. While the crocodile sporting the flail-tail winced and shot his comrade an apologetic look, the large one pushed past them both to face Shifu, sword in hand.

Which he would have, had he not been plowed into by none other than Cho, the bandit whose head Lin had accosted. The two men crumpled to the ground, Cho knocked out cold while the larger bandit struggled to escape from underneath his dead weight. Meanwhile, Lin had flown through the air on impact, and Shifu ran after her in an attempt to catch her and bring her to safety.

Unfortunately, he missed, and winced as he watched her hit the ground face-first several feet ahead of him. It was a rather comical sight, actually, as her feet swung up over her head and stayed there for several seconds before falling back into the dirt with a loud thud. This was followed by her low groan of, "Ow."

"Sorry," he replied, feeling a bit guilty that he hadn't managed to catch her.

A low growl sounded behind him, then, and he turned just in time to use his staff to block a blow from the large crocodile's sword; he didn't look like his mood had been improved by his encounter with Cho. Shifu jumped back as the sword dug into the wood of the staff and sliced it clean in half, then saw his opportunity when the bandit's arm kept going, bringing the sword down so far that it nearly hit the ground. He stepped on the flat edge of the sword, pinning it to the ground as he brought his other leg around in a powerful kick that snapped the crocodile's wrist.

This didn't seem to deter the bandit at all as he flung his other fist out in a powerful punch, which Shifu managed to catch with both arms. Then, summoning a strength that many considered to be disproportionate to his size, he spun the crocodile around, lifting him off the ground and throwing him into another one of his comrades who had been approaching the scene. However, two more crocodiles he had yet to face and the two who had been accompanying the bandit he'd just defeated were rushing forth.

He turned back to where Lin was pulling her face out of the dirt, opening and closing her mouth in an exaggerated motion, as if she were attempting to rid herself of the pain that had resulted from her fall. She didn't appear to be aware of the danger she was in, and he knew that if he attempted to reason with her on the subject she would most likely raise an argument, which he did not have time for. He had no choice but to wrap one hand around her fluffy, tightly curled tail and tug.

"Ack!" she exclaimed upon being yanked to her feet by her tail. "Whuh?" was her response to Shifu catching her when she inevitably lost her balance, scooping her up into his arms, and making a mad dash for the same hiding place he'd left Tai Lung in. "Now _this_ is untoward," she commented absently, obviously not quite grasping the situation.

"Try not to make too much noise," he reminded her as he finally reached the small alley and deposited her next to Tai Lung.

"Eh? Okay," she agreed blithely, blinking up at him with bleary eyes. She was most likely crashing from a prolonged adrenaline high, and on top of her fairly serious injury (she didn't appear to be able to move her right arm at all), he wouldn't be surprised if she passed out.

"Lin, focus," he whispered sternly. "I need you to stay with Tai Lung. Can you do that?"

"Hey, can you use embarrassingly outdated slang?" she replied.

"I'll take that as a yes," he grumbled back, then turned to return to the fight at hand. However, he felt a tug on his own tail and turned to see Lin grasping onto it with her left hand.

"Leave those four lackeys to me and Tai Lung." She spoke with a confidence not befitting of her current predicament. "You go after the leader- his name's Jiang."

"The two of you are in no condition to take on four full-grown crocodiles," he replied shortly, taking hold of his tail and yanking it out of her hand.

In response, she reached into her belt and pulled out some flint and a knife, then handed them to Tai Lung, who silently took hold of them, shooting a nervous look Shifu's way. Then, she pointed to something near the corner of the alley.

Shifu turned to his left, where she had indicated, to see a fireworks cart sitting there. He raised his eyebrows as he realized exactly what it was she had in mind. The idea seemed sound, though, and since he didn't have much time to think it over he gave them his permission with a single curt nod and left the alley in search of the bandits' leader- Jiang.

He didn't have to search far. Jiang had apparently been standing aside the entire time, waiting for him to finish with the rest of the bandits so as to face him one-on-one. Either that, or he was hoping his lackeys would finish off the red panda before it became necessary for him to step in.

Jiang straightened up from where he'd been leaning against a noodle cart and chewing thoughtfully on a bean bun, tossing the bun aside and instead placing one hand warily on the handle of his morning star. "I must admit, Master Shifu, that your skills do indeed live up to the hype. Your associates, however, leave something to be desired." He sneered at that remark.

Shifu fought to keep the rage that bubbled up at that statement in check, as he thought of what the man had done to Tai Lung, and yes, to Lin as well. "Whatever my associates lack in experience or skill, they more than make up for in ingenuity," he replied tightly, smirking as the unmistakable fizzle of fuses being lit sounded behind him.

Jiang didn't seem to notice this development, though. "I suggest you take care of my remaining men before they do real harm to your..." He paused, a puzzled expression momentarily crossing his face. "...Whatever they are to you," he finished impatiently.

"I am confident that they will be able to handle a mere four of your incompetent men," he shot back, stepping forward and raising his arms into a Tiger stance. "You should be more concerned with your own safety."

"Oh _snap!_" Lin shouted from somewhere behind him, and he tried very hard not to groan in frustration at the ridiculous outburst.

It was then, however, that the high-pitched whistling of fireworks signaled that the lit fuses had finally run their course, and this was followed by a succession of loud thuds and groans. Then, he pricked his ears back at the satisfying sound of splintering wood and a small explosion.

He did not dare turn to get a glimpse of what he had no doubt was probably quite a spectacle going on behind him, and instead kept his eyes trained on his opponent, searching for any sort of weak spot. Jiang was much bulkier than the rest of his men, and taller than them by at least a head, but such trivial things as size had never held Shifu back in a fight before. He was fast (especially for a crocodile), but no matter how skilled a fighter he was, there was no way he was going to win, not after Shifu had witnessed him attacking his son.

When Jiang's eyes darted in the direction of the destroyed fireworks cart, Shifu leaped in the air, aiming a powerful kick at his face. However, he swung his morning star up, blocking the kick with the weapon as he stepped back and moved his body sideways so as to present a smaller target. Undeterred, Shifu used his momentum to bring his other leg forward in a roundhouse kick, which was once again blocked by the sturdy iron weapon. Before Shifu had even fallen back to the ground, Jiang swung the club around and attempted to strike him from the right, but he managed to block with his arm, narrowly missing the weapon's sharp spikes as he did so. The moment he touched the ground he had to launch himself backwards to avoid a forward kick, and of course Jiang came after him.

"Crocodiles have limited lateral movement in their necks!" Lin's voice suddenly sounded behind them as Shifu dodged swing after swing of the morning star.

"How does that information help me _at all?_" he snapped back, ducking under what could have been a devastating blow from Jiang's tail.

"Your friend seems to know quite a bit about crocodile anatomy," the bandit stated in an almost conversational tone as he used both arms to block a barrage of kicks Shifu had aimed at his chest.

"That's because she's a_ know-it-all!_" he shouted, directing the answer more toward Lin than his opponent. Unfortunately, his distraction cost him, and Jiang managed to land a punch squarely in his jaw. Pain shot through his entire head and red flashed in his vision as he was knocked back through the air, though he still managed to land on his feet. He was then forced to drop to the ground and roll to the side as the crocodile aimed an overhead blow at him. Luck appeared to be with Shifu, though, because the weapon had been yielded with such force that it drove down into the ground, lodging itself there.

He acted immediately, before Jiang had a chance to yank the morning star from the ground, and actually (despite every ounce of logic in him telling him not to) took a cue from Lin. He jumped onto his opponent's arm, literally ran up it until he'd reached the left shoulder, and delivered a powerful drop kick to the side of his head. As he descended head first toward the ground, he called upon a technique that he rarely used and with only two fingers he reached out and struck several pressure points along the side of Jiang's ribs. Then, he swung his legs back to correct himself and land lightly on his feet, watching as the bandit leader fell stiffly to the ground, his left side completely paralyzed. Just to be safe, he darted forward and struck several more pressure points on the crocodile's chest to ensure that he wouldn't be moving at all.

And just like that, the fight had ended. Shifu took a deep breath and let it out slowly, allowing his muscles to relax and the adrenaline in his body to subside. Then, he turned around, raising his eyebrows at where the fireworks cart had smashed into a produce stand, and among the shredded and burnt remains of what appeared to be cabbage were strewn the unconscious bodies of the four crocodiles. Tai Lung stood on the opposite side of the street, still near the alleyway they'd hid in, one arm wrapped around Lin's waist as he held her up.

"Wow, that information I shouted out to you didn't help you at all, there, did it?" Was the first thing out of her mouth as he approached them.

"...Thank you," he grumbled; he had to admit, he wouldn't have gotten the idea to aim for the side of Jiang's head if Lin hadn't fed him that fact, as annoying as it had been at the time.

"Master, you were amazing!" Tai Lung exclaimed, admiration written all over his features as he beamed down at Shifu.

"Thank you," he repeated, a bit more dazedly as he realized for the first time that his son was actually _taller_ than he was. He quickly dismissed his own surprise, as it was not exactly the appropriate time for such musings. "And as for you." He turned back to Lin, who looked as if she might pass out at any moment. "If you ever _dare_ to enter a fight that is so clearly above your skill level in front of me again, I will not only fire you, I will _personally_ kick you in the rear so hard that you will be propelled all the way across the Devils Mouth- actually, scratch that. All the way across _China_. Is that understood?"

She stared back at him for a while, squinting as if in deep thought. Finally, she spoke. "I'll bet your skull looks _really_ weird."

"Well, she's gone," he concluded, then turned to Tai Lung. "You must be quite sore." Though not as badly beaten as Lin was, he thought to himself.

"...Yes, Master," he admitted, flushing lightly from embarrassment and injured pride.

While Shifu would have normally pinned him with the same kind of lecture he had just given Lin, he could see that Tai Lung was already kicking himself enough for his failure to defeat the bandits single-handedly. "You have done well, my student," he commended gently, then reached out and momentarily placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.

Tai Lung swelled with pride at the praise, his mouth turning up into a small smile. "Thank you, Master. I would bow, but... Well, I don't wanna drop Lin." Then he nodded in Lin's direction, as if urging Shifu to give her the same kind of praise. He did it again when the gesture elicited no response.

So, with a heavy sigh, Shifu turned to Lin. "You, too," he added sharply.

"Yaaay," she replied, dazed.

"She'll be okay, right, Master?" Tai Lung asked, glancing toward her with genuine worry.

"She'll be fine," he sighed. He didn't think she had any major head injuries, though he could see a black eye already sprouting on her face, and her right arm was in pretty bad shape. He felt a little dubious asking what had happened before he'd arrived on the scene, but he would have to question at least one of them sooner or later.

"Hey!" Lin suddenly exclaimed, perking up as if she were her normal self again. "Whaddaya think a crocodile's sexual organs look like?"

"She's delirious, but she'll be fine," he repeated, shaking his head at the outburst. It was then that the palace guardsmen arrived on the scene, their timing so uncanny that Shifu had to question whether they had been standing by and watching the entire fight to make sure he took care of all the bandits before they came around for clean up. "Let us head back home. And get _her_ to bed."

Suddenly, Lin narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, a mean frown crossing her face. "Don't you even _think_ about it."

Tai Lung looked a bit frightened at the response, and stiffened a bit.

Shifu just rolled his eyes at her. "Yes, yes, crocodile anatomy," he muttered.

"Don't go in my room," she replied, rather harshly. "Or I will gut you alive."

He blinked back at her, completely caught off-guard. He'd never heard such a sincerely threatening tone from her before, and while part of it may have been due to delirium, he had a feeling that the threat would still stand once she was lucid. "...Okay," he agreed slowly.

"I mean it," she snapped. "You promise me, right now! Promise on your honor as a warrior."

"Very well, I promise." He blinked at her, still surprised by her vehemence.

"I promise, too," Tai Lung added, obviously just as stunned.

"Good." She nodded once, a determined frown on her face, before completely passing out.

Tai Lung let out a surprised grunt at her sudden loss of consciousness, and quickly wrapped his other arm around her, and while her weight was likely no problem for him, he awkwardly struggled to keep her from sliding down in his grip.

"Here, I'll take her," Shifu sighed, and stepped forward to pick her up bridal-style, making sure that her right arm was tucked safely against his body. Of course, the moment he picked her up she began to drool on his shoulder. At least it meant that she was still alive- if he could even consider that a good thing. "Come," he ordered Tai Lung, and together they walked back toward the Jade Palace, attracting puzzled glances (or outright stares) from the guards as they went. No doubt the village would be buzzing with rumors the next day, not only about the battle that had just taken place, but also about his love life.

He wrinkled his nose at the thought. The day that anything such as _that_ happened with Lin would be the day he cut his own tongue out and ate it. He glanced sideways as Tai Lung, who had noticed the attention they were getting and was walking straight and tall, his expression sombre, as if he were trying to project the image of a serious warrior. As if that was going to be effective when just beside him Lin was drooling and snorting in Shifu's arms.

The walk was becoming rather awkwardly silent, so Shifu decided that it was as good a time as any to ask Tai Lung how he and Lin became embroiled in such a conflict to begin with. He had no doubt that somehow Lin had been the cause- whether she intentionally started a fight with the bandits or simply did not do the sensible thing and run like the other villagers had out of ignorance and pride. "Tai Lung... While I know you must be tired, I would like to know-"

"I'm sorry, Master," he interrupted in rushed tones, to Shifu's surprise. "I'm sorry. It was all my fault." He paused to glance worriedly down at Lin. "I didn't mean- I thought I could- I'm sorry." He still stood tall, projecting an image of pride to anyone who might happen to see them, but his eyes were downcast in shame and remorse.

If he hadn't been carrying Lin, Shifu might have reached out to his son and placed a reassuring hand on his arm, or perhaps even offered a hug. As it was, all he could do was reassure the boy with his words- and a gentle tone of voice. "There is no use regretting anything now." He lowered his voice as he noticed more people wandering out of their homes, sensing that the danger had subsided. "Whatever it is that happened has already happened."

Tai Lung nodded, frowning slightly, but didn't respond.

"Tell me what happened," he prompted.

Tai Lung nodded once more, then took a deep breath, apparently to keep himself calm enough not to spout out the entire story as one long word. "Well, I'm not sure why the bandits came... Probably for revenge against you, or something."

Shifu grunted in agreement at that; he had suspected from the moment he saw them that the bandits he had just faced were somehow related to the ones he'd fought not too long ago, although to be honest they were not quite as battle hardened or skilled as the first group.

"But when they showed up, everyone started screaming and running... And I just thought that it was my chance to protect everybody. I thought I could do it." He shook his head at that. "Lin tried to get me to run, so we could go tell you, but I refused." While that in itself was quite shocking, it didn't compare to what Tai Lung told him next. "When I ran off to face them, she came straight after me. I don't know what she was thinking, maybe that there was still time for her to grab me and run..." He let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping a bit. "And I don't know why, but I froze out there. I got right up in their faces, ready to beat the daylights outta them... But for some reason I couldn't shake this feeling..."

Shifu knew what he was talking about. He himself still remembered his first real fight, outside the safety of the Jade Palace or a tournament, when he faced his opponent and suddenly realized that the stakes were much higher than they had ever been, that what he had gotten himself into was truly dangerous. He'd had his ass handed to him, as well. "There is no shame in feeling fear, Tai Lung," he replied. "The day you stop being afraid is the day you get yourself killed. Now, tell me what happened next."

"They had me cornered... And I guess they thought it'd be funny to see me fight the leader." At this point he sounded more remorseful than ever. "Lin had already been beaten up pretty bad, too, but it was like she wasn't even feeling it. She acted like every bruise on her body was just a little tickle. I dunno how she did it, but you know how she can be. I guess that's just her. Anyway, she tried to intervene... And that leader guy, he hit her so hard with his tail that she flew straight through a wall!"

"A wall?" Shifu repeated incredulously.

"Well, it was made outta wood. But still! She got up from that!" A note of excitement and admiration entered Tai Lung's voice as he spoke. "She'd landed in, I dunno, a noodle shop or something. Some place with lotsa tables and chairs, y'know. And even though I was getting my butt whooped, I could see her over there, and I could tell that her arm was pretty badly injured. Then, outta _nowhere_, she just picked up this table with _one arm_ and chucked it! It was so _cool_, and it hit the guy right in the _face_. Pow!"

"I saw that part," Shifu informed him. "Though even after witnessing it I'm still having trouble actually _believing_ it." He glanced down at Lin's prone form, feeling a lot more wary of her than he'd ever been before. Without even realizing it, he voiced his suspicions out loud. "Even with a burst of adrenaline, she couldn't have accomplished that with the kind of muscles a cook builds. She'd need to have had some kind of strength training, or experience handling large, heavy objects..."

Tai Lung came to a sudden stop as they crossed over the moon bridge, stiffening at the note of distrust in his master's voice. "Master, I know you don't like or trust Lin," he said quietly, even going so far as to bow nervously as an apology for contradicting him. "But she's my friend. She risked her life for me. So please, whatever you're thinking... Please don't fire her, or... Or anything like that."

As much as Shifu hated to admit it, Tai Lung had a point. She had indeed risked her life by barreling headlong into that group of bandits, and had continued to fight (as unorthodox as her methods had been) until she was barely conscious. And she had done so for his son. For that, he felt as though... He owed her. He cringed at the thought of being indebted to Lin, but at the same time he found himself feeling a small amount of gratitude toward her. And, despite himself, even respect for the bravery and selflessness she had shown. It passed quickly enough, though, when she sneezed on him, thus covering his shoulder in a light misting of mucus. "You have no reason to worry," he assured Tai Lung wearily, and began walking again.

The rest of the trek back to the Jade Palace passed by in silence, with the occasional unconscious snort from Lin. As they reached the barracks, Shifu realized that on top of being beaten, thrown through a wall, and generally flailed about like a rag doll, it was entirely likely that she also hadn't slept in a couple of days. If that was true, then she'd lasted a lot longer in that fight than he would have ever expected. Although, the more he got to know her, the more she proved that she was the absolute definition of "unexpected."

He paused outside her room, wondering if he should keep to his promise; his curiosity _had_ been piqued at her adamant insistence that they stay out, and she _did_ need a place to rest.

"Master," Tai Lung warned beside him, "we promised on our honor."

He blinked up at the boy, more bemused than anything else that he had just been reprimanded by his student. "Ah, yes. Indeed we did." Some day he would find out what kind of mysteries lay behind that door. In the meantime, he continued down the hall to an empty room, one with a window and a fairly thick bedroll for her to lay on. "Tai Lung, go get some bandages for her arm. Some water, too, in case there are any open wounds that need to be cleaned."

"Yes, Master." Tai Lung gave a short bow and then left, obviously in a hurry to retrieve the items and help to heal her. It was quite apparent that he felt responsible for her injuries, and Shifu was sure that he was also quite impressed by her resolve.

He set Lin down on the bed as gently as he could manage, and then kneeled at her side, preparing himself for what needed to be done. Since there was no telling when she would regain consciousness, and since there was no physician on call at the Jade Palace due to the knowledge that Oogway possessed and had then passed down to Shifu on the subject, it was his duty to search her for any open wounds and treat them before infection could set in. Which meant, he would need to strip her. He steeled himself for the task, reminding himself that he had gone through much worse in his life, but that didn't stop the churning in his stomach as he reached out to undo her belt.

Suddenly, she let out a loud snort and her left arm shot out to grab him by the sleeve.

"Ack!" he exclaimed, and then felt rather embarrassed that he'd allowed himself to be startled so much.

Lin's eyes opened a sliver, and she squinted up at him. "Shifu," she murmured.

"Yes?" He decided to ignore her informality, in light of the circumstances.

"You..." She let go of his sleeve and instead reached her hand toward his face, and for a brief moment he felt nervous, for some reason. "You..."

"Yes, what is it?" he prompted.

She grabbed hold of one of his ears. "Your _ears..._ They're _gigantic_."

"You're delirious," he huffed, yanking her hand away. At least, though, he was exonerated from having to undress her. "Listen, you need to tell me if you feel any pain, if there are any cuts on your body that you know of."

"And you're so _fluffy_," she continued, as if he hadn't spoken at all. "Looka that tail, there." She giggled, too. "What're you, a lemur?"

"_No!_ How many times must I tell you that I am a _red panda?_" he snapped, then calmed himself down by reminding himself that she was still delirious, and not attempting to taunt him. Which probably wasn't true. "Now, _focus_. Do you have any open wounds that you can tell me about?"

She appeared to be fading fast, though, as if she had only woken up to begin with to briefly make fun of him, and now that the task was complete she was content to fall back into unconsciousness. However, as her eyelids drooped, she opened her mouth to finally answer his question. "On my ass." And then she was gone again.

He stared down at her, his hands balled into fists on top of his knees, completely aware of how angry he probably looked.

"Master?" Tai Lung had returned with a bowl of water and a wad of bandages, panting as if he had run across the grounds at full-speed for them.

He glanced up at his student, then back down at Lin's unconscious form, an idea that was probably entirely inappropriate forming in his mind. Still, it was how Master Oogway had taught him, and it _would_ help to alleviate some of the guilt Tai Lung was feeling. He tapped his fingers thoughtfully on his knees, then came to a decision that he knew he would probably regret. "Tai Lung, how would you like to learn how to dress an open wound?"

* * *

A/N: Well, I doubt anyone was expecting a _serious_ fight scene. And to whoever might have actually had that in mind: what fic have you been reading, exactly? Anyway, I know that a lot of new questions are arising in these recent chapters, but I promise that they all will be answered... Eventually. Also, I'm sure that anyone out there who might be a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender will appreciate the wanton destruction of cabbages as much as I do. Next up, Shifu actually voluntarily spends time with Lin, though there are conditions to such an act of blatant masochism.

And P.S. - I LOVE MORNING STARS. Just thought I'd put that out there.


	16. You Can't Make an Omelette

A/N: Here we are again! Now that all that nasty fighting's out of the way, it's time for more inner contemplation and pointless bickering. Yay! This chapter features one of the few plot ideas that stayed with the fic from its first inception until now, which is really saying something since I'm so incredibly fickle. And thanks once again to all you wonderful readers/reviewers! It really does mean a lot.

Disclaimer: If Kung Fu Panda were really my property all of the characters would hate each other. However, it belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 16: You Can't Make an Omelette Without Breaking Some Eggs

* * *

Shifu stared down at his breakfast, suppressing a disappointed sigh. Lin had been unconscious since the bandit attack the day before, which had left him to cook for himself and Tai Lung. And, unfortunately, the ingredients that Lin normally kept stocked in the pantry only made sense together in her unusual mind, which left him rather stumped as to what to make. His general confusion had resulted in an overabundance of rice dishes, including his current meal of rice porridge. He shook his head as he took a bite of it; even Lin's rice porridge was infinitely better than he could ever hope to make it.

Still, there were other reasons he was impatiently waiting for her to regain consciousness. First, there were all the questions he had for her, most of which he had a feeling would go unanswered. For instance, he wondered why it was that she constantly kept knives on her person- perhaps it was a habit bred from traveling, since many areas were infested with dangerous bandits such as the ones they faced. Or maybe it was just something that cooks tended to do, though he doubted it. He was also keen to find out exactly where that burst of strength had come from; it seemed unlikely that she had had any form of physical training in the past, though her constant ineptitude could just all be an act. Then, of course, there was the question of her undeniable connection to Shangba, and the connection that he suspected she had to Shanghai.

There was something else that bothered him, as well. Mainly, his own feelings about the recent events. As much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, he had been genuinely worried about Lin, even frightened, as much so as he'd been for Tai Lung- though at least he knew that his son could handle himself in a fight, for the most part. Lin's fighting was sloppy at best, easily overcome by anyone with even a smidgen of proper training. And, despite every instinct he had railing against it, he had made the decision to stop worrying. In order to do that, he would need to enable her to fight her own battles (properly, anyway). He would teach her kung fu.

Just thinking about what Lin would be like as a student sent a shiver down his spine, but it would put him at ease if she at least knew the basics, and to be honest she had shown some true potential, aside from her ridiculous antics. With her resourcefulness, determination, and high threshold for pain, she could perceivably become a rather good fighter- with the right training of course. And a _lot_ of time.

Besides all of that, he felt as though he owed her. She had put her life in danger for the sake of his son (although she had been rather gung ho about the whole affair) and the best way he knew how to show his gratitude was by teaching her kung fu. So, no matter how much she whined and poked fun at him, he would forge ahead.

"Good morning, Master." Tai Lung interrupted his rumination, sitting down at the table, where some rice porridge was already waiting for him. He scooped some up into his spoon and dropped it back into the bowl, watching with an air of distinct disappointment as it fell back into the bowl. "Did you check on Lin?"

"Yes, and she's still out." He tried to suppress his annoyance at the reference to his obvious limitations in the kitchen, and he didn't even want to think of what Lin would say once she found out that he'd been filling in for her.

"What're we gonna do when she wakes up?" The question was innocent enough, but a little disarming.

"Wh-what?" Shifu was caught off-guard. He wasn't quite sure what the question was in reference to, though the first thing that came to mind was her injured arm.

"I mean... Will she be able to cook?" Though it was probably not intentional, Tai Lung was once again indirectly insulting Shifu's cooking.

"She'll be fine," he huffed, leaning back in his seat. "I will see to that," he added.

"What's that mean?" Tai Lung finally sucked it up and took a huge bite of the porridge, chewing thoughtfully.

"She will be a fellow student of yours," he clarified, assuming that the reaction to such news could only be pure happiness and excitement.

Tai Lung, however, spat his porridge out across the table. "_What?_"

"You are unhappy with these new arrangements?" Shifu kept his cool, calmly taking a bite of his own breakfast, though inside he was filled with smug laughter.

"No, it's not that, it's just..." He paused, apparently thinking over the wisdom of his next words, but then shook his head and continued. "Well, wouldn't teaching Lin kung fu be kinda like torturing yourself, Master? I mean... I wouldn't want you to, y'know..." He trailed off, turning his eyes down to his porridge and shrugging.

"Go ahead," Shifu prompted. "Whatever you say, I won't be angry." Or rather, he wouldn't actually reveal his anger.

"I just wouldn't want you to... Have a nervous breakdown. Or anything." Tai Lung shot him a nervous smile, then ducked his head and began shoveling porridge in his mouth, presumably to avoid embarrassing himself further.

"Ah, I see," was all that Shifu could manage in response. To be honest, his son had a good point: Lin was enough to handle only a couple of hours per day. Teaching her kung fu would be like repeatedly banging his head into a wall- one covered in sharp spikes. And poison ivy. And salt. "I will be fine," he concluded, with less conviction than he would have liked.

The conversation lapsed into awkward silence, as it often did between them. The only sounds that accompanied their meal were the noises they each made as they chewed, which actually was grating a bit on Shifu's nerves. He decided that a conversation, even an awkward one, would be preferable. If he could just think of something to talk about.

"So... Uhm..." He searched for a topic to breach, but as usual he was stumped. "How did your trip go?" he settled on. "Before the... You know."

"Oh, it was good, I guess." Tai Lung seemed to relax a bit as it became obvious that he wasn't about to be punished or snapped at; he was also probably still relieved that he hadn't gotten into trouble since the previous day for getting involved in such a fight to begin with. "Lin told me about girls," he commented lightly.

Shifu coughed on his own saliva at that, completely floored- Tai Lung was _far_ too young to be discussing such things, and in any case it was certainly not _Lin's_ place to teach him. "What did she tell you?" He didn't mean to sound snappish, but it was _Lin _they were talking about.

"That if I showed any sign of weakness they would devour me alive like so many hungry locusts." Tai Lung shrugged, looking somewhat confused.

"Oh," Shifu breathed, relieved that she hadn't discussed what he thought she had. "Okay. That sounds about right."

"So girls are all like Lin, then?" he asked innocently, furrowing his brow.

"Eh?" Shifu blinked at him in surprise at that; as far as he knew, Lin was nothing but kind to Tai Lung.

"Well, it's what she does to you," he pointed out.

"Ah, yes. That." He paused, shocked and embarrassed that Tai Lung had been so observant of his behavior with Lin. "Be that as it may, there is no reason to be afraid of girls. They are... Well... How do I put it?" He attempted to think of some kind of wise phrase that Master Oogway would say in such a situation, but settled on something a bit more conventional. "You can't live with them, but you can't live without them."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Tai Lung raised his eyebrows, waiting expectantly for a concise and coherent answer.

Shifu, however, was not quite ready for such an explanation. "You will understand when you are older."

He responded to this with a long, blank stare before a small smile tugged at his lips. "Master, does that mean that you can't live without Lin?"

The significance of such a jab was not lost on Shifu. "No. It means that you are going to complete forty laps around the _entire_ grounds by lunch time."

Tai Lung let out a loud groan, the likes of which would never have come from him in response to a punishment before Lin's arrival.

He fixed his son with a disapproving glare, crossing his arms. "I suggest you get started."

Tai Lung stood heavily from his seat, as if he were exhausted at the mere thought of carrying out the deed, though he had faced such punishments before. "Yes, Master." The reply was laced with more than a little trepidation, but it was followed by a respectful bow.

As Shifu watched him go to complete his punishment, he shook his head at how Tai Lung's attitude had changed since meeting Lin. While it did indeed bother him to no end that his son was taking cues from someone other than himself, it wasn't mere jealousy that caused his concern. While Lin did have her good points (though he would endure the greatest tortures on earth before admitting so out loud), she was hardly a role model for a young kung fu student. Her flippant attitude toward authority and completely chaotic personality were only the beginnings of her shortcomings.

He sighed to himself and stood up to clear off the table and wash the dishes. He would need to have a long, and very detailed talk with Lin when she finally awoke. And, hopefully, he would come out of it unscathed.

* * *

Lin blinked her eyes open, a bright light shining in her face. She wasn't sure why there was light streaming into the room, because her room didn't have a window. That was when she realized that she wasn't actually in her room, and felt her heart stop. She tried to jump up, to escape from wherever she was as quickly as possible, but was stopped short by her injuries. "Ah!" She yelped at the pain that shot down her right arm, straight to her hand. "Oh, no," she groaned, staring down at her bandaged wrist and elbow; she was right-handed. "No, no, no!"

"She's awake!" Tai Lung bounded into the room, peering at her injured arm. "How ya feeling?"

"Not as good as you, I guess," she grumbled, rubbing at her sore shoulder. She had realized upon Tai Lung's arrival that she was in some spare room of the barracks, and that her panic had been misplaced.

"You were so cool yesterday!" Tai Lung took a few steps back and started reenacting the previous day's events with energetic punches to the air and several leaps across the room. "I didn't think you had it in you, but then you threw that table with one arm, and _oh man_ you were like a _beast_ and the bandits were all 'Huh?' and you were all, 'GRAAHHH!' and then Master Shifu was like-"

"That's enough," she interrupted. "I was there, I remember what happened." She especially remembered how idiotic she'd been, putting her right side in a vulnerable position to begin with. Now her right arm was pulsing and throbbing with pain, and she was barely able to move it at all. If she had to guess off-hand, she would say that she was definitely covered in bruises (in more places than just her arm) and that one or more tendons in her arm had ruptured. Her wrist appeared swollen as well, and she gently gave it a squeeze with her left hand, wincing at the pain. Judging by the tightly dressed bandages that had been wrapped around her wrist and elbow, she'd guess that it was just a sprain. "Who did this?" she asked; it occurred to her that she should probably thank whoever had dressed her wounds.

"Tai Lung and I did." Shifu stepped into the room, carrying a piece of white cloth with him. "Good morning." He had a frown firmly planted on his face, his brow furrowed in a show of obvious suspicion. In other words, he looked relieved. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got thrown through a wall." She eyed the piece of cloth in his hand with a growing feeling of dread. "What's that?"

"Ah, yes. You're um... Going to need this." He seemed reluctant to give her a straight answer.

"Eh?" She didn't see what she would need a rag for, though she did have a worst case scenario in mind.

"It's a sling," he finally answered.

"A _sling?_" Her mouth fell open as she stared at the cloth in absolute horror. Of _course_ the worst case scenario would be the correct one. Of _course_ she would need a sling, because this was the kind of horrible thing that happened to her when she got involved with other people. "What does that mean? Does that mean I can't use my arm for anything? Like at all?"

"You _shouldn't_, no." He sat down next to her and attempted to help her put the sling on, but she grabbed it and flung it across the room.

"I don't need a sling." She knew that she would have to put it on eventually, but it made her feel better to make a scene.

Shifu rolled his eyes at her. "Tai Lung, please get that."

Tai Lung bowed and did as he was told, which earned him a glare from Lin. He gave her an apologetic look as he handed the sling back to Shifu, then sat down on her other side.

"Hold still," Shifu instructed firmly, and attempted to put her arm in the sling again.

"No," she grumbled, wrapping herself in her sheets. "I _don't_ need a sling."

"Yes, you _do_," he growled back through clenched teeth.

"I been through worse." She eyed the rag as if it were an explosive. "Besides, I won't be able to do anything with a sling on!" She cringed to think of how inept she was at anything when her left hand was involved.

"Yes you will!" Shifu's eye twitched a bit at that.

"Like what? I can't thinka anything. What'm I supposed to do with a sling on?" She couldn't keep the note of despair from creeping into her voice. After all, her right arm and hand were her livelihood, and without the use of them... She honestly didn't know what she was going to do.

"Whether you wear a sling or not, your arm is stilled injured," he snapped back. "You won't be able to use your arm either way, but at least it will heal correctly if you wear a sling."

She knew that there was no point in arguing with the logic, so she reluctantly pulled the sheets off of herself and submitted to Shifu's attempts to put the sling on her. "Y'know, you _could_ be a little gentler with that," she criticized, mostly out of frustration at her current predicament.

"Would you like me to get a medical degree?" he shot back.

"Yes," she grumbled.

He snorted at that. "You _must_ be in real pain if you actually pronounced the 'S.'"

Lin just grunted in response; her sense of humor was somewhat dampened by the situation. "I'm right-handed, y'know. As in, I don't use my left hand a whole lot." As in, she was screwed.

"I'm sure you'll adapt," he replied evenly, leaning closer to her to tie a knot in the fabric at her shoulder.

She felt a blush beginning to form on her cheeks and frowned at her own reaction. "I want the day off." She knew that she sounded childish, but she didn't care. She needed time to try to "adapt," as Shifu had put it.

"Well, that depends on what you mean by a day off. You won't be cooking today- you'll be my student." He finished tying her sling with a sharp tug, his expression completely sincere.

Lin made absolutely no attempt to hide her horrified expression. After a few moments of completely dead silence, she answered. "No."

"You have no choice." He stood up and crossed his arms behind his back, the usual stance he took when he was trying to be authoritative. "I will expect you to be in the Training Hall along with Tai Lung in twenty minutes. I trust you will not be late." He walked out of the room after that, completely ignoring the face she was making at him.

"Ouch," Tai Lung spoke up the moment Shifu had left the room. "Sorry. But look at the bright side, at least I'll be there with you."

"Does he really think I'm gonna learn kung fu?" Lin asked, still staring at the doorway in absolute disbelief of what had just happened. "Like, seriously?"

"Well you _did_ hold a crocodile's mouth closed," he replied, bouncing with excitement. "It was so _cool_, Lin, you have no idea."

"Didn't I already tell you it's easy to hold their mouths closed? It's not that big of a deal, and it _definitely_ doesn't qualify me for kung fu training." She would have crossed her arms if she didn't have one of them in a sling. "He's _delusional,_ is what he is."

"Or lonely," Tai Lung replied, then leaned in close and lowered his voice. "I'm pretty sure you're his best friend," he whispered conspiratorially.

Lin furrowed her brow at that, extremely doubtful of the claim. "I thought that was Oogway."

"But Oogway's his master," he pointed out matter-of-factly. "You can't be best friends with your master."

Which she supposed would make her next in the running. "...That's just pathetic."

"Like you should talk. _Your_ best friend is seven." He shot her a smug grin at that.

"What makes you think you're my best friend?" she teased, and gave him a punch in the arm. She smiled when Tai Lung laughed, and it dawned on her then that even if she could go back in time and redo their encounter with the bandits a million times over, she would still protect him as mindlessly and fiercely as she had the first time. Perhaps even more so than she had the first time.

"Anyway, we should head over to the training hall. When Master Shifu says 'twenty minutes' he _means_ 'ten.'" Tai Lung stood up, a small smile still on his face. "I can't believe you're actually gonna learn kung fu."

"Not if I can help it," she replied resolutely, pushing herself to her feet with a low grunt. Her legs felt rather weak and rubbery, most likely from her having been passed out for some time. "How long was I out, anyway?"

"About a day," he replied, sounding rather relieved at that. "Master Shifu and I just had lunch, and I was coming to check on you. Anyway, c'mon!" He was obviously happy to finally have a fellow student around, and bounded out of the room with more energy than she'd ever seen him exude.

As she headed after him, she felt something distinctly uncomfortable on her rear end, and despite Tai Lung's insistence that she hurry up she stopped to check. She shoved her left hand down the back of her pants, and to her complete surprise found a bandage directly on her left cheek. "Hey!" she called after him. "Who the _hell_ was touching my ass?"

* * *

Shifu waited in the training hall for Lin and Tai Lung, steeling himself for what was to come. He thanked every deity and spirit he could think of that at least most of the day was over already, and there would only be time for a few hours of training before dinner. He eyed the various devices in the training hall, wondering if Lin would even dare go near anything aside from the Adversary and perhaps the Jade Tortoise of Wisdom. Although, as he stared contemplatively as the large jade bowl, he suspected that she would see it more as some sort of giant toy, rather than a training device. Or perhaps she would view it as a nice place for a nap. The jade _did_ tend to be pleasantly cool on a hot day, not that he had ever entertained such a notion himself.

As if on cue, the creaking of the hinges of the heavy wooden doors to the training hall sounded behind him, and he turned to greet his students. Tai Lung, of course, bowed with utmost respect and a quiet, "Good afternoon, Master."

Lin, however, glared at him and slowly raised her left arm to point at the sling.

He wouldn't take her bait, though, for once. Instead, he addressed Tai Lung. "Let us work on speed and agility for the afternoon, Tai Lung. Start on the Field of Fiery Death, and practice Viper style."

Tai Lung nodded confidently and instantly got to work, as he had more than enough experience already with the field. While he had yet to completely master Viper style, he was quite proficient at it. At the rate he was going, in fact, he would probably have the scroll mastered by the end of the month.

Lin watched Tai Lung begin his exercises with her eyes narrowed and her lip curled up. "You let him dodge fire, and you're not even gonna go over there to keep an eye on him?"

"Tai Lung will be fine," he replied, unable to keep the sly tone out of his voice as he headed toward the Adversary. "_You_, on the other hand, I am not so sure about. Now come here."

"You're not even gonna put a bucket of water or something over there, just in case?" she went on, following him to the side of the room where the Adversary stared blankly out at them. "And what's this thing, anyway?"

"_This_," Shifu informed her with incredible smugness, "is something that has been used here for centuries to train children, just starting out in kung fu." He paused to let his jab sink in, and relish the moment. "And to prop the door open when it's hot," he added for good measure.

"I get it," she huffed, obviously annoyed. "So what makes you think I'm actually gonna train in kung fu, huh? 'Cause I don't see how you can make me."

"Do it, or you're fired," he replied simply, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, _that's_ gonna work." She snorted dismissively at him. "I just came here to tell you I ain't punching this doll or dodging that fire, or _anything_. Now, if you'll excuse me-"

"You're fired," he interrupted her, ignoring the gasp he heard from Tai Lung's direction.

"Yeah, right," she grumbled. "Nice try."

"No, I mean it. Pack your things and go." He, of course, was bluffing, but it was the only ammunition he had and he needed to take the lie as far as possible in order to gain Lin's compliance. "Have a nice life."

She stared back at him, as if she hadn't heard him at all. "I'm fired," she repeated skeptically.

"Yes. You are absolutely, one hundred percent fired. Gone. Terminated."

"You're going to kick me out, right here and now, with these kinds of injuries?" She narrowed her eyes at him, placing her good hand on her hip.

In response he simply raised one hand and waved at her. "Bye bye." His bluff appeared to be working.

However, it just so happened that it had worked _too_ well. Lin's already immensely fluffy fur stood even more on end (which he had previously thought impossible) as her temper completely exploded. "So you're just gonna fire me for not going along with this stupid game of yours!" she shouted, her left hand bunched into a fist at her side. "After _everything_ I been through- after _this_-" She pointed at her injured arm again, obviously so enraged that for a moment she couldn't even speak. It was, however, a short moment. "_Whatever!_ I don't need you! I don't need _anyone!_ Get bent! Go to hell! Stick it in your ass!" She stormed over to the door, waving her left hand wildly about in the air, displaying an extremely rude gesture that he hoped Tai Lung did not yet understand. "And you know what else! You're _fat!_" With that, she stomped out the door and slammed it behind her.

Shifu stared in stunned silence at the door, his mouth hanging open at the display. He honestly hadn't thought, even for a moment, that his bluff would have garnered such a reaction.

"Master!" Tai Lung, of course, was not reacting well, either. He had long since stepped off to the relative safety of the wooden runner along the side of the obstacle course, and was now running toward the door. "How _could_ you?" He sounded so incredibly hurt that it stunned Shifu all the more, and all he could do was continue to stare. "Lin is my _friend_," Tai Lung went on, sounding on the verge of tears. "You can't do this!" He flung the doors open, turning to leave the training hall and run after Lin. "I won't- oof!" And he walked straight into her, because she had been standing on the other side of the door, her arm outstretched to open it, herself. "Lin!" He stepped back into the training hall, relief written all over his face.

Lin poked her head inside and raised her eyebrows at Shifu. "You were bluffing," she stated as calmly as if she had never gone off on a tirade at all.

Shifu stared back at her, his mouth dry. He knew that Tai Lung would be upset no matter what his answer was, so of course he had to settle for the truth. Still, he had to wonder if she had only realized he'd been bluffing after her rant or if the whole thing had been an elaborate act to one-up him. Either way, he'd been completely floored every step of the way, and all he could do was attempt to recover and act calmly. With a forceful swallow, he replied. "Yes. Yes I was."

Surprisingly, Tai Lung was the one to chide him, with sternly crossed arms and a glare to match his own. "Don't _do _that kinda stuff! You scared me half to _death!_"

"Get back to your training," he sighed, reaching up to massage his temple in an attempt to ward off an oncoming headache. "_Now_."

"Yes, Master," he answered quickly, sensing that arguing would result in rather vigorous punishment, then scampered back to the other side of the training hall.

"And _you_," he snapped at Lin, but she cut him short.

"I guess I can give this kung fu stuff a try." She sounded rather put upon, as if she were the one doing him a reluctant favor, rather than the other way around. With a heavy sigh she re-entered the training hall, closed the door, and trudged over to the Adversary. "Okay. Let's get this over with."

He gave her a good, long glare at that, and also took the opportunity to look her over, to judge her strengths and weaknesses as he had never really done before. She obviously favored her right side, made clear by her anger and frustration at her injuries. However, from what he'd witnessed while fighting off the bandits and what he could see now, she was more inclined to use her upper body to fight, and was most definitely suited to grappling. This would be an impetus due to her injury, of course. Still, he could focus on methods that emphasized her left side rather than right, and of course every student of kung fu still needed to learn how to properly use their legs in a fight as well. They would also need to work on stances, although he could tell that she already had a good start in that area, since whether she was on-guard or not she generally kept herself well-rooted, and definitely gave off an overall impression of immovability. And, he had to admit, that while he was suspicious and even disconcerted by the realization that she was much more powerful than she looked, the knowledge gave him a certain appreciation of her that was unexpected, to say the least.

In fact, even looking at her now he found himself appreciative of her ability to mislead; he was starting to realize that things he had previously thought were just general indications of her chaotic and temperamental personality were actually planned to disguise herself. For instance, her clothing had always been a bit baggy, which he had thought was due to a combination of her small size and large amount of fur, and her belt was loose and sagging, far below where it should have sat. He'd seen her as simply an unkempt street urchin, but he understood now that by wearing her clothing in such a fashion she was actually hiding her center of gravity at first glance, leaving it up to her opponent to either guess or discover from her movements. And she had always worn men's clothing, which he had never questioned before as he had assumed she simply wore whatever she had most likely stolen before arriving at the Jade Palace, but of course it would be easier to move, run, and fight in than a woman's dress. Then there was her flippant attitude, her inappropriate laughter, and her general air of being totally oblivious to what went on around her- it was obviously not the entire truth. He knew now that she was perfectly adept at observing her surroundings, and acting accordingly. If nothing else, she had proved such a capability when she'd thought to launch fireworks at the crocodiles the previous day. And, of course, she had proved time and time again in their fights that she was capable of discerning her opponent's weaknesses and using them against him, at least on a psychological level.

"...Hello?" Lin interrupted his thoughts, waving her hand back and forth directly in front of his eyes. "What're you, fantasizing about pastries or something?"

"Stop that," he snapped, batting her hand away. "And _no_, I was not. I was simply contemplating where to start with your training."

"You sure, Pudge?" She had the audacity to reach out and poke his belly. "Not that I mind a little padding, it makes you more approachable. Kinda like a little Ti-tsang, with a pudgy little baby face." She probably would have pinched his cheek, too, if he hadn't side-stepped her.

"You know, before you try to tease me you should remember that each of these training devices could also be used as devices of torture." He tucked his hands into his sleeves in front of him, a smile briefly crossing his lips as he thought of all the ways he could embarrass her with this training.

"Fine," she sighed, rolling her eyes at him. "What's first?"

He nodded to the Adversary, then stepped back behind her to allow her more room to move. "All you have to do is hit this. It'll allow me to see what you're capable of."

"That's it? I just have to hit this big dummy thing?" She eyed the brightly painted dummy, as if she thought there might be some sort of catch.

"It's called The Adversary!" Tai Lung corrected her from across the hall, where he was dodging bursts of flame on the Field of Fiery Death.

"All you have to do is hit it," Shifu confirmed, stepping aside. "Go ahead."

"Okay." She poked hesitantly at it, furrowing her brow in contemplation.

"Are you going to stand there and poke it all day?"

"Fine, fine, here I go." Lin stretched out her left arm a little bit, then planted her feet firmly on the floor and gave the Adversary a solid punch. It swung back rather far, and as it did so a smug expression briefly crossed her face before it reversed direction and hit her firmly over the head. "Ow!"

Shifu snorted behind her.

"Did you just _laugh_ at that?"

"No- no, of course not," he answered a little too quickly.

"You wanna fill in for this adversary thing, or you wanna, y'know, _teach_?" she snapped testily.

"Just try again," he replied in as stern a tone as he could muster while the image of her being hit on the head by the Adversary was still clear in his mind.

"No." She took a step away from the sand-filled dummy, her eyes trained on Shifu as if she were waiting for his reaction.

"How are you supposed to learn when you won't try?"

"Exactly." She crossed her arms- or arm, rather- and turned away.

"Just try again," he prompted, exasperated at her stubbornness. While of course she would need to show persistence to learn anything, he found himself actually _wanting_ to find out what she was truly capable of. Despite her blunder in not dodging the Adversary when it returned the force of her punch, the hit had still been solid, powerful, and well-aimed.

"Gimme some pointers, then, if you want me to hit that stupid thing again." She positioned herself in front of the dummy once more, her posture relaxed.

"First, try not standing around like a lazy bum," he replied, grabbing a staff from a nearby weapons rack to use to correct her. He decided that a simple side punch would be best at the moment. "First, since you'll be striking with your left arm, step forward on your left leg." He used the staff to give her calf a nudge, and while he hadn't expected her to react well to pretty much anything he tried to do, she still caught him off guard.

She suddenly grabbed the staff in her left hand, and he braced himself to keep her from pulling it away; however, she instead pushed it forward, hitting him in the stomach with the end. "Whadda I look like, some kinda marionette? Don't freaking poke at me with your little stick like that!"

He yanked the staff out of her hand, glowering resentfully. She hadn't hurt him, of course, but he didn't see them getting very far when she insisted on being contrary at every turn. "Why don't you just _listen_ to me, for once? And show some respect, as well. I _am_ your master, now-"

"Okay, that's it," she snapped, completely dropping her stance and stepping away from the Adversary.

"What now?" he groaned; his head was starting to pound from all the blood rushing to it, and he was definitely going to need to meditate for a very long time after this.

"You're not my 'master,'" she informed him, even going to far as to use air quotes for the term. "I'll call you Master Shifu if it floats your boat, but you are not _my_ master, and quite frankly I don't like what the wording implies."

"What? What does it imply?" He knew he was losing his patience, but he didn't think any observer to the situation would really be able to blame him. "That I'm teaching you kung fu? Because, _news flash_, that is what I am doing. Or, at least, what I'm _attempting_ to do."

"You're poking me with a stick and making me punch a dummy filled with sand!" she shot back. "And laughing at me! Though, I'd probably laugh too, if I were you. But still. I don't wanna do this. I _never_ wanted to do this! If I wanted to learn kung fu, dontchya think I woulda done it by now?"

"Just try again! I'm just asking you to punch the Adversary _one more time!_ How difficult is that? Is it difficult? _No! No it's not!_" He stopped himself there, before he flew off the handle even further, and took a deep, calming breath. He hoped that their fighting wasn't distracting Tai Lung too much. "Try again," he said much more calmly.

"I'm not-"

"_Try again_," he interrupted her, glaring.

With a loud sigh, Lin stepped in front of the Adversary once more, then stepped forward with her left foot, bringing it down heavily in a pointed stomp. "Don't you _dare_ touch me with that stick."

"Very well," he agreed grudgingly, replacing the staff on the weapons rack and then approaching her to study her form. "Step forward a bit more, and make sure your knee is bent," he instructed curtly.

She did as he said without argument, for once, and actually managed to get it right.

"Turn your torso more," he continued, watching as she turned just a little bit. "No, more than that." And he reached out, took her by the shoulders, and turned her into the correct position. "The point is to create as small a target as possible for your opponent."

"Okay," she replied, her voice sounding unexpectedly strained; she was most likely attempting not to lose her temper and fight with him again.

"Of course, once you punch the Adversary it will come back at you with tenfold the force you used to hit it." He stepped back to examine her form, then gave a brief nod of approval.

"Yeah, I got _that_ part," she grumbled.

"So simply step back to dodge it." He held his hand out toward the dummy. "Now, hit it."

She hesitated momentarily, the gave the Adversary an admittedly well-executed punch that was just as firm as her first attempt, then quickly stepped back to avoid its return. "Hey!" she exclaimed, a brief smile crossing her face at her success.

"Yes, you did it," Shifu confirmed, already thinking of the possibilities; her arm wouldn't take too long to heal, and once that was done she would be able to train as vigorously as Tai Lung. Of course she needed to learn the absolute basics first, but once she was past those he thought that Dragon style would be a good place to start. And, of course he would have to teach her Tiger style, since she was so well-suited to a style that emphasized offense. And since she favored upper body strength he would teach her Leopard style, as well. If she took to training well she could even perceivably become a master, after several years of intense training.

"You're drifting off again," she pointed out flatly.

"Ah, sorry," he replied, feeling a bit sheepish at that.

"So what else d'you want me to do?" she asked hesitantly; despite her excitement at her success, she still sounded wary about learning more. "What're these, over here?" She walked toward the rest of the brutal devices in the training hall, pointing down at the spinning serpents. "So what about these spinning branches here, I'm supposed to balance on those while I avoid the spiked club thingies?"

"They are not branches, they are modeled after _snakes_." He tried not to sound too annoyed, keeping in mind that she was clueless about kung fu. At least, she pretended to be- for all he knew she could just be acting to throw him off her scent. "Everything in the training hall is based on the form of an animal."

"Oh, I see it now." She scanned the training hall, nodding her head as she eyed each obstacle. "Well I know those wooden twirly-majiggers are crocodiles."

"The Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors," Shifu corrected, exasperated by her refusal to learn the proper name of anything.

"And the bowl thingy is a turtle or a tortoise, I dunno if there's even a difference between the two..." She paused, apparently contemplating the two animals.

"It is the Jade Tortoise of Wisdom!" he snapped, his patience wearing thin.

"Right! And these clubs here are porcupines, or hedgehogs- hey, is there a difference between _those_ guys, too?"

"They are the Seven Swinging Clubs of Instant Oblivion, now stop fooling around."

"And the Adversary is..." She turned to it, her lip curling up as she squinted at the thing. "...A red panda?"

"No!" He glared at her, irritated that she'd wasted so much of his time, just to set up a simple insult. What made matters even worse was that he could see Tai Lung from the corner of his eye, shaking as if holding in laughter at the joke. "You are here to _learn_, not to make wise cracks about me."

"'Wise cracks?' Really?" she replied flatly.

"I am _not _old!" If this kept up, he was going to be laid out for the rest of the night with a migraine the size of Mongolia. "Now focus! This isn't the kitchen, where you can do as you please and constantly poke fun at me." He walked up to her, and while he was not that much taller than she was he simply stood closer to appear more intimidating. "This is the _training hall_, and _I_ am in charge here, so you will behave and treat me with the same respect that Tai Lung gives me, or I _will_ throw you into the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors. Is that clear?"

Unexpectedly, she simply stared up at him.

"Lin!" he snapped.

"Hurruhuh," she replied, blinking and shaking her head. "Wha? I mean, yeah, sure. It's clear." She stepped back from him, though whether she'd actually been intimidated or was simply doing so to set up another elaborate insult, he wasn't sure.

"I believe that the response you are looking for is 'Yes, Master Shifu.'" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to repeat after him.

"What, you want me to say that?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "That sounds a little off if you ask me. Like in a dominatrix way."

Shifu let out a low groan and dropped his forehead into his hand; it was going to be an incredibly long afternoon.

* * *

Lin grunted loudly from her sore muscles as she lowered herself down to sit under the peach tree, a pot of tea and a cup by her side to relax her. Surprisingly enough, Shifu had offered to make dinner that night (with what had seemed to be intense reluctance), and while she'd hovered around him the entire time, sniping at him every time he made the slightest mistake, he'd still done relatively well. At least, the food hadn't made anyone vomit. He'd even made soup as she'd requested, so she wouldn't have to go through the pain and embarrassment of attempting to use chopsticks with her left hand.

Still, he was making her nervous with the way he'd been acting all day. First he wanted to teach her kung fu (preposterous- she neither wanted nor needed his instruction), and then he was actually attempting to _help_ her. He still treated her as though she were the greatest burden he'd ever faced, though, so he was probably only acting out of some misguided sense of duty and honor and all that. The truth was he had saved her because it was his job to save her, and he was attempting to teach her kung fu because he didn't want to have to rush to her aid again.

Still, she was grateful- at least as grateful as she could bring herself to feel while he was forcing her to punch and kick some stupid sand bag over and over. And a lot of her current nervousness wasn't just brought on by his attitude, but his mere proximity. She found that the more time she spent in close quarters with him, the more her mind conjured up unwanted thoughts like those she'd had in the marketplace.

When she gave the matter some serious thought, she realized that perhaps this could also be the reason that Shifu had made her so nervous when she had first started working at the Jade Palace. She had been attracted to men before, of course. She was no stranger to appreciating the unique aesthetic pleasures of each individual man, from the roughly hewn bulk of a farmer to the finely drawn features of a scholar. And, of course, she had never denied her own observations to herself, no matter how inconsequential. So, she was rather confused as to why she wouldn't have noted any attraction to Shifu (no matter how deeply disturbed she currently was by the notion) until just recently.

Perhaps it had been some sort of subconscious preservation instinct that had kept her from associating her nervousness with a physical attraction. Besides that, she _did_ have a track record of being slow on the uptake, at least when it came to such matters. Then there was the fact that she was so close to the situation. In the past three years she had only really appreciated a man's looks from a distance, noting a stranger's musculature or strong jaw in a clinical fashion befitting of someone of her ilk. There had never been even an inkling of passion behind her idly wandering eye during that time.

What she found herself suddenly and deeply entrenched in at the moment was most definitely passion. This was full-blown fantasy provoking, heart palpitating, dry heaving passion. And, as she was slowly realizing, it had been for quite some time. Though, she had to admit that watching the fluid, agile way Shifu had fought those bandits certainly hadn't hurt. And he _was_ quite strong, a fact she had especially enjoyed when he'd picked her up and cradled her against chest.

She gave herself a light slap in the face. She'd started to drift off into dangerous waters, and while she knew that she had an indulgent streak the width of the Pacific ocean, this was one time she was going to reign herself in. She would simply not think about it. And, if she could go long enough without thinking about it, it would go away- as was the case with any emotion, really. At least as far as she'd experienced.

Of course, that was easier said than done. It would be difficult not to think about Shifu when he suddenly wouldn't leave her alone; she'd had to practically bite his head off to get him to back off and let her come sit underneath the peach tree for some tea. She realized that it was simply in his nature to act controlling and overprotective- after all, that was how he treated Tai Lung, though he'd been loosening up lately. Still, it was annoying when she was the focus of his attention.

Although there were certain pros; for instance, he'd cleaned the kitchen after dinner, going so far as to refuse to let her do anything more than wipe the table and counters down. Of course he'd sniped at her the entire time, prattling on and on about her form or whatnot, something to do with kung fu. When he got going on the subject, he simply refused to shut up, though she realized that she was the same way about her own field of expertise. She would have been more attentive if he'd stopped to explain what he was talking about, though, instead of going on and on about kung fu styles and old masters and other matters that she was totally clueless about.

Actually, as annoying as it was, it was also kind of cute. He'd gotten so worked up about kung fu that it had been like listening to Tai Lung talk, mentioning how great an old master had been, and how some signature move had revolutionized the use of chi in combat, and other things like that. She'd been drifting in and out (mostly out). If she'd let him, he probably would have followed her to the peach tree and talked her ear off all night. She was starting to feel a little bad about telling him to shut up and leave her alone before she broke a chair over his head. She supposed Tai Lung had been right when he'd said Shifu was lonely, and she realized that conversation could be a bit limited with a child who was too afraid of being punished to actually answer anything properly and an old man who spoke mostly in metaphors.

Still, she doubted it meant anything more than that. And in a way, it hurt to think so, because from the first moment she'd warmed up to him she'd genuinely wanted to be his friend. Perhaps there was still a chance for that to happen, though; after all, she'd be waylaid in the Valley of Peace even longer than she'd intended due to her injuries, and despite their constant bickering she felt as though they were getting along much better lately. And, perhaps in the process of befriending him, maybe it wouldn't hurt after all to get a good look at those nice blue eyes or that cute little behind once in a while. Just for fun.

* * *

A/N: I just had to put that line from the movie in there, it was too good to pass up. That was actually one of the moments that made me laugh the most, aside from Tai Lung getting hit in the face with a wok. But I digress.

Anyway, rest assured that Lin will be calling Shifu "Pudge" in future chapters as well. And as for next chapter: Is Shifu over-analyzing Lin, or is he right on the money? How long exactly will the training last? And what are Tai Lung's thoughts on these developments? All this and more!

Also: Ti-tsang, known as Jizo in Japanese and Kshitigarbha in Sanskrit, is a Bodhisattva known primarily for protecting travelers and children. He is often depicted with a baby-like, chubby face. He's actually got quite a presence in Japan, and I highly recommend Jane Elkinton's book "Jizo: Guardian of the Six Realms" for anyone who's interested.


	17. Never Eat More Than You Can Lift

A/N: Aaaaand we're back! And with a long (for me) chapter, too! You can expect more long chapters, too, since things are starting to snowball. And once again, a huge thanks out to all you readers and reviewers! I wouldn't have gotten this far without you.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda still belongs to Dreamworks, hence the millions of sequels in pre-production.

* * *

Chapter 17: Never Eat More Than You Can Lift

* * *

Lin glared down at the fresh pears and apples she had just finished chopping into grotesquely uneven pieces, in about three times the amount of time it would have taken her to make nicely sized slices with two hands. She eyed her injured arm, then she attempted to lift it from the sling, despite numerous warnings from Shifu to not even think about it; of course the moment she'd tensed her muscles pain had shot all the way down her arm, so intense that she'd given up immediately. And the night had been no better, with her poor coordination with her left hand rendering her barely able to even hold an ink brush straight enough to write out a grocery list. And on top of that, she was getting the sinking feeling that her so-called training was not just a joke or a phase.

Allowing Shifu to attempt to train her in kung fu had been all well and good when she'd thought he would quickly tire of her presence, but the more serious he seemed to become on the subject, the more she was starting to see that his efforts weren't going to fade. He'd actually attempted to force her to go to sleep that night, claiming that she needed rest for her training in the morning. And when she'd told him that he would have to physically knock her out for that to happen, he'd had the nerve to give her a lecture along the lines of what he would give to Tai Lung for disobeying him.

Still, his sincerity and knowledge weren't about to go to waste. She'd given the matter some lengthy thought, as she knew that she couldn't afford to wait for her arm to heal to get back to business as usual. The only way she could think to restore herself to her former glory without waiting for nature to take its course was to become ambidextrous. She'd never before considered learning to coordinate the fine muscles in her left hand, and that had been foolish of her. After all, it had only been a matter of time before she injured her right side. And after witnessing Shifu's relentless but effective way of teaching, she was certain that he'd be able to help in the endeavor.

At least, he would if he could ever get his mind off of kung fu. And if she didn't snap and poison him in the process. She wasn't sure if she could take one more lecture on respect, and bowing to him and calling him "Master" was slowly but insidiously filling her with an unspeakable rage. Then there was the whole obedience thing he expected her to take part in- if she were an obedient person, she wouldn't be in the Valley of Peace to begin with. Every order he barked at her only served to rouse her ire further. And while at first she'd found his obsession with kung fu cute, even endearing, every word from his mouth was quickly becoming a grating buzz of indiscernible noise. Worst of all, whenever she attempted to make fun of him or joke with Tai Lung, rather than returning with a barb of his own he would just level a stern glare at her and order her to do laps or push ups or some other menial physical task.

And it had only been a day and a half so far.

"What do you think you are doing?"

She jumped at the sound of Shifu's voice behind her, as if her thoughts had summoned him from the very pits of hell, and whirled around with her knife held defensively in front of her. Her reaction had been pure instinct, and when she realized that she probably looked ready to stab him (which she was) she set the knife down on the counter and attempted to calm herself. "Cooking," she replied, surprised at how even her voice was.

"Cooking?" He raised his eyebrows at her as if the answer had been unexpected.

"Yeah, I mean... It's what you're paying me to do, right?" She briefly considered picking up the knife again, because she could already see where the conversation was going.

"There is no need for you to create elaborate meals, certainly not when you've been up all night." He paused to glare at her at that. "Now that you are my student-"

"Stop," she interrupted him, and stepped away from the counter to avoid the temptation of picking up the knife there. "Stop that _right now_."

"Stop what?" He seemed confused, of all things.

"I am _not _your student," she clarified for him. "I do not want to learn kung fu, nor will I _ever _want to learn it. I refuse to do so." She realized that she had reverted to the more formal, commonwealth form of Chinese she'd first learned, a habit she sometimes had when she was really and truly out of sorts.

Shifu seemed to have noticed this, and briefly narrowed his eyes at her. Surprisingly enough, though, he made no comment on the subject. "I know that training can be jarring to many to begin with- which is why I have started out slowly with you- but you will become used to it."

"You started out _slowly_ with me?" she asked incredulously; she didn't even want to think about what kind of training Tai Lung needed to go through if she was only starting out slowly. "And I'll get used to it?" she continued, contemplating his complete disregard for her wishes. "How's about this: you start running, and I'll get a knife!" She probably shouldn't have resorted to threats so quickly, but she was aggravated.

"I believe it is about time you contemplated learning some humility," he warned, and she could see that he was slipping into teacher mode.

Lin wasn't going to let him get that far, though. "I'm the cook!" she snapped, waving her good arm to indicate the entire kitchen. "This is where I belong! I'm not training in your stupid training hall with your stupid rules anymore, so just _drop_ it!"

"But you could learn, if you applied yourself," he protested, oblivious to how sincerely adamant she was. "Or have you forgotten that stunt you pulled with the table? You have potential, so why squander it?"

"It wasn't potential, it was adrenaline!" She calmed herself down and decided to attempt reason. "The chemistry of the body in a fight or flight state is amazing and somewhat mysterious. Y'know mothers have been known to display feats of strength up to a hundred times greater than what they're normally capable of in defense of their children."

"Interesting," Shifu replied, raising his eyebrows. "You are surprisingly articulate when you don't want to do something."

"And you're surprisingly clueless about what other people do and don't wanna do when it comes to kung fu." She glanced at the door, wondering if she could beat him to it. "Kung fu's just... Not my thing."

"Oh? Then what _is_ 'your thing?'" He crossed his arms, clearly ready to argue with whatever she said.

"That's not the point!" she snapped back.

"No, the point is that you are chaotic, directionless, and completely devoid of respect for authority!" he argued. "Kung fu is precisely what you need."

"No, it's not!" She felt offended that he had even said such a thing- as if he were only teaching her to begin with to change her. "I don't need to learn kung fu, and I definitely don't need to change into something I'm not! I am an-" she suddenly paused, as she'd almost faltered there. "A cook!" she corrected herself, before he got suspicious over her little fumble. "There's nothing wrong with who I am! I'm _proud_ of who I am! I _like_ myself!"

"That's not what I was saying!" he snapped impatiently. "You're just trying to create a fight so you can avoid talking about this, but you're not going to get rid of me so easily!" He strode forward, until they were barely a foot apart. "And do you know what else I think? _I_ think that you're just being stubborn. You don't want to bother trying to learn kung fu because you are set in your ways."

"And you're an ass, so I guess that makes us even," she replied with as much stoicism as she could muster, standing up straighter and staring him down as best she could without thinking about how much she liked the clear, bright blue of his eyes.

He continued to glare at her in silence, but she wasn't about to back down. They stood there for what felt like forever, but in all likelihood it most likely wasn't any longer than a minute or two. Finally, Shifu spoke. "You are really turning this down?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, I am." She put her hand on her hip to make absolutely sure she looked like she meant business.

"I see," was all he replied with. He looked as though he wanted to say more, but Tai Lung interrupted them, then.

"Uhm... Good morning," he greeted hesitantly as he entered the kitchen, eyeing them warily. "...You're okay, right?"

"Everything's fine," Lin informed him cheerily, stepping away from Shifu and turning back to the counter. "And breakfast is almost done, just gimme a couple more minutes. There's some tea here, why dontchya dig into that while I finish up?" She thought she sounded rather motherly, something that disturbed her on a level even deeper than Shifu's kung fu training had.

Speaking of whom, he leaned toward her as he took the pot of tea from the counter and sternly whispered, "We will continue this discussion later." He gave her a short but meaningful look that brooked no argument, then took the tea to the kitchen table.

Lin frowned to herself, but there was nothing she could really do. She would just have to stand her ground and wait for him to see reason. She suppressed a groan at that thought; as if Shifu were even capable of compromise. She was screwed.

* * *

The Hall of Heroes was quiet and peaceful, the embankment of candles around the moon pool lit to aid in deep meditation or in study of the many scrolls held within the shelves that lined the back wall of the room. And it was indeed a grand place to study, with not only the artifacts and paintings of kung fu warriors past to inspire but with the Dragon Scroll itself overhead, poised in the jaws of the golden dragon as if presiding over the hall and bearing witness to all within.

Tai Lung stared up at the scroll, its previously benign presence now disheartening. He'd had a real chance to prove himself, and he had failed. He'd let down the entire village, he'd let down his master, and he'd let down his friend. And every time he caught sight of the sling around Lin's arm he was reminded of it. As much as he tried to hide it, he couldn't help but feel useless and ashamed. If he couldn't even face up to a group of bandits, if he couldn't even protect the valley from a threat that had been so easily handled by Master Shifu, then how could he ever hope to become the Dragon Warrior?

And, even though Master Shifu would probably chide him for being so prideful, he couldn't help but feel disappointed in himself, that he'd overestimated his own power. He was upset not just that he'd been unable to protect the village, but also because he'd _lost_, plain and simple. And he'd felt like such a baby when Master Shifu had come to physically carry him out of the fight, leaving him to hide in an alley like a beaten down coward.

He knew, of course, that he was still a kid- if anyone reminded him of that, it was Lin. But he'd thought he was different, that he was special; that even though he was still a kid he could be just as strong and brave as an adult. He'd thought he could be like his master. Master Shifu had still praised him after all was over and done with, but he knew the truth, that it was empty praise only to make him feel better. In reality, he had failed.

At least there was one somewhat good thing that had come from his failure, which had been Lin's training in kung fu (though he somehow doubted that it would last for very much longer). He knew that if he hadn't lost against those crocodiles so miserably that his master wouldn't have wanted to train another student, but at the same time he'd been happy to learn that Lin would be joining them in the training hall- after he'd gotten over his initial shock, of course. Still, things had gone exactly as anyone could have expected.

Tai Lung remembered quite well the previous day's training, which for him had been distracting at best and downright distressing at worst. After all, it was difficult to concentrate on his own exercises when Master Shifu and Lin were constantly bickering mere feet away from him. And then there were the particularly low, embarrassing points of Lin's attempts at kung fu which had been distracting in both their hilarity and the discomfort they inspired in him once he saw how much Master Shifu had been enjoying them.

The highlight of these moments had been Lin's attempt to practice her balance on the spinning snake logs. While Master Shifu had thankfully disabled the swinging clubs of instant oblivion for her (mostly because of Tai Lung's own fear that she would be killed if she so much as thought of attempting to dodge them), she still had not fared well. It became obvious that she was going to fail when she had at first refused to go near them, resulting in Master Shifu physically forcing her onto the rotating carved snakes. She had actually lasted a surprisingly long time, though of course she'd been distracted by her own volatile temper erupting in a number of foul-mouthed physical threats to the kung fu master (Tai Lung had covered his ears through most of it, since he feared he would get in trouble simply for hearing half of what she'd shouted at the surprisingly complacent red panda).

Her lack of focus had been her undoing, and she'd lost her balance and fallen, clinging desperately with her uninjured arm and legs to one spinning serpent. It had been pretty funny to see her spinning around like that as she continued to fling horrible insults in every which way, going so far as to curse Master Golden Takin himself for even building the training hall to begin with. Tai Lung's amusement at the sight had quickly dissipated once he caught sight of the serene smile on Master Shifu's face as he watched her rotate along with the serpent she clung to; it was obvious that he wasn't going to help Lin until she either lost her grip or became dizzy enough to induce vomiting. So, despite his fear of being punished for such an act of kindness, Tai Lung had intervened and easily balanced on the serpents while he had pulled Lin off of the log she'd clung to, carrying her back to solid ground. And, of course, he _had_ been punished for it, which had started a whole new fight between Lin and Master Shifu.

After that, Tai Lung had decided to keep an eye on them, sacrificing his own training and freedom (for he would surely be scrubbing down the entire mountain by the end of the day as a result of his much-needed interference in Lin's training). He'd thought the worst had been over when they had moved to the small courtyard in front of the training hall, but disaster had struck once again when Master Shifu had suggested she attempt to develop her flexibility and indicated the propped up bushels of straw used for practicing splits. Tai Lung still wasn't sure why Lin had launched into a tirade at that, though she had clearly been offended; still, he didn't see what improving her flexibility had to do with the availability of jobs for single women.

Lin's preaching about social inequality had actually been so long and utterly unbreakable in its train of thought (Master Shifu had attempted to interrupt her several times only to be ignored) that Tai Lung thought she might actually go on for the rest of the day like that. Eventually, Master Shifu had once again resorted to physically forcing her into the exercise, picking her up and ignoring her indignant screeching (for there was no other word to describe the noises she had made) as he plopped her down in a perfect split onto the straw apparatus.

She'd fallen silent at that, and Tai Lung had thought she'd finally settled down and concentrated on the task at hand; but then she'd let out a piteously strained groan for help, and he realized that she had simply had the wind knocked straight out of her from the intense pain of her muscles stretching far beyond their limits. When Master Shifu had cruelly refused to help her, Tai Lung had once again stepped forward to intervene and face the resulting punishment.

Still, it hadn't all been horribly disastrous. Lin seemed to be a natural at stances and motions, able to put her body into the correct pose (or the nearest possible one considering her injury) after watching Tai Lung or Master Shifu go through the motions once or twice. She had accredited this particular talent to being a "visual learner," though Master Shifu had appeared skeptical. Still, whenever she landed a punch correctly or was able to follow through with a successful block or dodge, he had appeared to be impressed- maybe even proud. Tai Lung had certainly been proud of her at those moments, and had offered her an encouraging smile every time he happened to catch her eye throughout the day.

Despite her successes, though, Lin hadn't seemed to warm up to kung fu at all. She complained constantly throughout her training, and had rolled her large brown eyes whenever Master Shifu had attempted to lecture her on kung fu's true meaning and importance. Tai Lung found her reluctance to learn the ancient art disheartening, since he'd been looking forward to having a fellow student around. While he was glad that he wouldn't be deprived of her excellent cooking for very much longer, he'd still been excited at the prospect of a completely new and altogether deeper bond with her. And besides, if she became Master Shifu's student, perhaps they'd be able to learn to get along for longer than five minutes at a time. Although, Tai Lung was still relieved that they'd become accustomed enough to each other to make it as long as five minutes without jumping down each other's throats.

Despite his desire to train alongside Lin, though, he couldn't help but think that if she quit, perhaps Master Shifu would give him another chance. Maybe, somehow, he'd be able to prove himself, to prove what he knew that he was capable of. Just that simple thought made him itch to get back to the training hall and push himself harder than he ever had before, instead of wasting his time meditating or studying in the Hall of Heroes.

He even turned to leave and do just that, and nearly walked right into Lin. "Ah!" he exclaimed, shocked that she'd been able to sneak up on him.

"Hey, kid." She patted him on the shoulder, glancing up at the Dragon Scroll with a brief puzzled expression on her face. "I been looking all over forya. Look, I never got a chance to thank you for helping me out with that whole getting fired thing the other day. I knew Shifu'd try to pull that card on me, and without you I wouldn't have been able to lay on such a thick layer of guilt." She paused to shake her head. "I doubt he'll be trying that one again, at least not anytime soon. And by the way... Try not to repeat any of the stuff I said or any of the gestures I mighta made."

"Oh... Yeah, right." While the incident had been the last thing he would have thought about, the reminder brought a brief smile to his face. It _had_ been rather fun to trick Master Shifu into thinking Lin had taken his threats to fire her seriously.

"So, you looked like you had something on your mind," Lin continued, and spared another glance for the Dragon Scroll. "Thinking about that ultimate power or whatever again?"

"Yeah," he admitted reluctantly; the last thing he needed to hear was another speech from Lin about how there was no such thing as limitless power.

"But what if it's not what you were expecting?" she asked, taking him by surprise. "I mean, say you grow up to become some ultimate warrior, and Oogway gives you the scroll, and you look inside... And it's not what you wanted to see?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" He honestly wasn't following her; he didn't see how the secret to limitless power could be anything he didn't want to read.

"Well, Oogway's the one who wrote it, right?" She waited for him to nod at her before she went on. "So, you know how Oogway is. I like him and all, but he doesn't exactly speak in absolutes."

"So you're saying, what if the Dragon Scroll is a riddle or a metaphor or something?"

"Yep."

"Then I'll figure it out!" he replied without a second's hesitation. "I know I could do it. I _know_ I can become the Dragon Warrior, and I _know_ I can master all one thousand of these scrolls!" He realized even as he spoke that, whether intentionally or not, she had reassured him. Saying aloud that he knew he was capable of achieving all that he wanted to had erased the doubt in his mind; the conviction in his own voice had made him believe in those words again. Yes, he had failed- but he would never fail again.

"Good for you," Lin said, even going so far as to give him an encouraging punch on the shoulder. "That's the kinda resolve I like to see."

"What about you? Are you gonna keep learning kung fu?" he was pretty curious as to whether there had been anything more to her complaints than mere whining.

"Are you crazy? _Hell_ no!" She visibly shuddered at the question. "Sorry, kid, but I'm not a huge fan of actually practicing kung fu. You can do it all you want, but leave me outta it."

"Oh. Okay." He couldn't keep the disappointment from his voice, but he supposed it had been inevitable that Lin would finally grow tired of her training. "I just can't believe you're giving up so soon," he told her with complete honesty, though he also hoped the statement would prod her into reconsidering her decision.

"I'm not giving up," she informed him stiffly, staunchly refusing the bait. "It doesn't count, anyway, since kung fu ain't something I ever wanted to do. Besides, I got other things to worry about, besides getting my ass handed to me by inanimate objects." She screwed her face up in a grimace, undoubtedly recalling the training hall's intense but effective training devices.

"Like what?" he ventured, wondering if perhaps there was something on her mind other than cooking; after all, she _did_ sometimes refer to "working" through the night, and he honestly didn't think it took her that long to prepare her often simple and light breakfasts.

"Like convincing Shifu that I'm no longer willing to get my ass handed to me by inanimate objects." At this her expression turned to one of disgruntled exasperation. "I tried to tell him this morning, but apparently he's refusing to take no for an answer."

"So _that's_ what you guys were fighting about," Tai Lung realized aloud as he thought back on the scene he'd walked in on. He'd thought he'd interrupted some kind of intense argument, from the way his master and Lin had been standing so close to each other, each glaring at the other in a way he'd never seen either of them do so before.

"Yep," she confirmed. "He's probably gonna try to convince me or force me to do kung fu again, but rest assured that I will be standing my ground. I mean... It'd be nice if he could teach me to do stuff with my left arm, instead. Y'know, like slicing stuff and using chopsticks and whatnot."

"But your injuries will heal in a couple of weeks," he pointed out, confused as to why she would want to find a long-term solution for a short-term problem. "You can just wait it out."

"True, but I don't know if I can stand two weeks of this whole... Feeling helpless thing." For a moment, she looked embarrassed, as if she thought it was shameful to rely on others while her injuries healed. "And besides, I tend to get into scraps every now and then. It couldn't hurt to have some backup just in case."

"Yeah, I understand. But learning kung fu would help you out a whole lot in fights, too." He shot her an encouraging smile, but he doubted he'd be able to change her mind on that particular subject.

"Nuh uh," she replied firmly. "If I ever see another sand-filled, vacant-eyed dummy again, it'll be too soon."

It was then that Master Shifu found them, a disapproving frown fixed on his face as he approached. "_There_ you two are." His tone was chiding, and his voice was rather loud in the otherwise silent hall.

"It is _way_ too soon," Lin grumbled, her entire countenance changing to one of complete nervousness and annoyance. "Listen, kid, I gotta scram before he lays into me about this kung fu stuff. Keep him busy, willya?"

"I _heard_ that," Master Shifu snapped.

Strangely enough, a light blush became visible from beneath her fur. "Seeya," she replied immediately and shoved past him just as he'd reached them to make a break for it.

"Master Shifu," Tai Lung addressed him, before he could run after Lin and drag her back, "I think you should give Lin some more time to consider your more than generous offer to teach her." He even widened his eyes into his completely fool-proof kitten stare in order to pin his master in place.

"Stop that," the red panda surprisingly ordered. "Tai Lung, you should know better by now than to attempt such juvenile manipulation." Still, he remained where he was, and only briefly glared at the door Lin had fled through at top speed, still hanging open to let in the bright afternoon sun. "And in any case, whatever may happen between myself and Lin is adult business, and nothing for you to concern yourself with."

Tai Lung stared back at him with wide eyes at that particular statement. "Adult business?" he echoed, recalling the one time he'd heard the term used; Lin had told him once, when he'd asked her if she'd ever thought about dating or settling down that such things were "adult business," and that he was better off not knowing. Yet his master couldn't possibly be talking about the same kind of "adult business" that Lin had mentioned. "Master... You're not talking about any mushy romantic stuff, right?"

"_W-what?_" he sputtered back, instantly turning red.

"I guess that's a no," Tai Lung hurriedly accepted, though the more he thought of it, the more suspicious he became; it actually explained a lot. The fighting, the constant poking and prodding, the awkward silences, and the blushing. But he was probably mistaken. There was no way that Master Shifu could ever have a crush on anyone- he was _Master Shifu_, after all. And as far as Lin was concerned, well... She never did anything according to normal standards, so he really couldn't be sure. Still, he had heard of these things happening, and while he silently prayed that he never fell victim to such an insidious foe, adults seemed to enjoy it for some reason or another. He made a note to himself to speak with Master Oogway on the matter once he'd returned, and in the meantime he would have to keep his eyes open for any more hints. Of course, it would be up to him to guide such a romance in the right direction (Lin and Master Shifu were pretty useless when it came to actually interacting with other people, let alone each other), though which direction that was had yet to be seen. He would reserve judgment on that front until he could be absolutely sure whether or not there was any funny business going on to begin with.

"Tai Lung!" Master Shifu snapped, wrenching him from his epiphany. "Have you been listening to me?"

He realized belatedly that his master had been speaking through his entire rumination. "I am sorry, Master." He tried to sound as contrite as possible as he bowed deeply. "I was... Lost in thought."

"Well, if you have time enough to be lost in thought, then you have time enough to think about your studies." With that, he launched into a whole new lecture on the importance of Tai Lung studying the thousand scrolls, but it slowly faded into the same background noise that all his lectures did.

Tai Lung, meanwhile, was scheming.

* * *

If Lin had to write a list of the absolute worst things that could possibly happen to her, her current predicament would probably be on it. She was stuck in the Valley of Peace, pretty much living on borrowed time, she had injured her right arm and thus rendered herself pretty much useless, and on top of everything else she had Shifu to thank for taking care of her. Nothing got to her quite like feeling indebted to someone, and Shifu wasn't making things any better by trying to teach her kung fu.

She didn't see why he was so hell-bent on teaching her, to begin with; had she really been that much of a burden in the fight against the bandits, that he wanted to teach her a proper way to defend herself? Or perhaps his already inflated sense of duty and honor had been thrown into overdrive, and he was working to sate them. There was also the equally likely possibility that he was simply torturing her to get back at her for all the times she'd made fun of him or tricked him into cleaning the kitchen.

Either way, she didn't like it one bit, and she wasn't going to allow it to continue any further. She hadn't wanted to discuss the issue in front of Tai Lung, hence her retreat in the Hall of Heroes; she knew there was a good chance that the ensuing argument would become rather heated, and she didn't want him caught in the middle of it. She supposed it would come up at the usual time that she and Shifu tended to have "discussions": after dinner.

There was another reason she hadn't wanted to argue in front of Tai Lung; the more time she spent thinking back on the fight with the bandits, and the more time she spent in close proximity to Shifu, the more she found unexpectedly bitter thoughts cropping up unbidden in her mind. Mainly, she was distressed by the realization that she had come to care so much for Tai Lung and Shifu, and Oogway (though she still found him rather strange- not that she could really talk). However, if she ever dwelled for too long on this distress, she would also suddenly find herself thinking bitterly of Shifu's glaring lack of reciprocation, how even acts that could be construed as an extension of the olive branch were mere obligations for him. She had never really been bothered before by anyone's lack of fondness for her; if she had, she wouldn't have gotten half as far as she had. Yet, for some reason, this time was different. Perhaps she was going mad.

She decided that if she was going to sulk, she might as well get dinner started in the process, and headed to the kitchen. To her utter shock, the object of her current disdain was waiting there for her. "What're _you_ doing here in between meals?" She put her left hand on her hip in lieu of crossing her arms.

"I thought you might need some help," Shifu replied stiffly.

Lin snorted at that. "You're just trying to talk me into learning kung fu." She could see from the way he shifted uncomfortably that she was right. "Besides, didn't I already tell you once that I don't need help with anything, from anyone, _ever?_ Now get outta here before I get mad." She pushed past him and started rummaging around in the cabinet she reserved for grains. "And where's the rice!" She'd been out of commission for a mere day and a half and already her kitchen had been tampered with.

"We _ate_ it," Shifu shot back, crossing his arms. "It _is_ food, after all."

"Whatever. I don't even care what we eat anymore." She slammed the cabinet closed, completely aware of how much of a baby she was being. Still, losing the use of her right arm was putting her under a lot of stress. And when she was stressed out, her fuse became very short.

"Would you like your bottle, or do you need a nap?" He raised his eyebrows at her and frowned.

"Look, I use my right hand _a lot_. I am right-handed. So, I'm upset about the current situation." She pointed to the sling. "Gimme a break and leave me alone."

"You're welcome, by the way," he snapped.

While Lin considered herself a sharp observer, she had no idea what he was talking about. "Umm... What?"

"What do you _mean_ 'what?' I saved you! If it wasn't for me, you could have been killed!"

"Oh blah blah," she grumbled back. "You saved _Tai Lung_. I was just there." She was surprised by how morose she sounded- she wondered briefly if she could chalk it up to hormones, but then again she used that excuse for most of her emotional reactions.

Shifu seemed to share in her surprise, and he hesitated before he replied. "I came to save you, as well," he pointed out. "It _is_ my duty, after all."

"Oh _really?_" she shot back coldly, and dearly wished that she was capable of crossing her arms. In her current state, though, all she could do was put her left hand on her hip again, glower, and of course inject as much sarcasm into her words as possible. "I apologize, then. I never meant to question your _duty_."

He seemed to have realized his faux pas, though a little belatedly, and began to stammer out some kind of excuse. "I-I didn't mean to say-"

"Spare me," she snapped, and headed for the door; her mood had been dubious to begin with, but the discussion had put such a sour taste in her mouth that she couldn't even bring herself to even try to cook dinner. "Consider your duty fulfilled," she added as she slammed the heavy kitchen door closed behind her and made a beeline for her room.

She honestly didn't know why she cared so much. While she had long since admitted to herself and even to Shifu that she harbored a certain fondness for him, she still considered herself quite sensible, at least when it came to such matters. She was well aware that even with those she considered her friends it was necessary for her to maintain a certain level of emotional detachment. Therefor, it shouldn't matter to her even if Shifu gave her no more consideration than a rock or a lump of dirt. In fact, she should be happier for it, because it would make her life easier. Sure, the things he said and did tended to wear on her nerves, and she'd be lying to herself if she said she hadn't been pissed off by him on numerous occasions. But this was entirely different.

She found herself not just angry, but actually _hurt_. And _disappointed_. And, if she were to truly dig deep and be willing to admit it to herself, sad as well. And all because in his eyes, she was no different than any other stranger on the street. He had helped her because he was honor bound, and that was that. She was ridiculously, childishly angry because he felt for her what he was _supposed_ to feel for her- was she _should_ feel toward him- absolutely nothing.

Suddenly, it all made sense. Tai Lung had gotten it wrong, after all- she may not have been Shifu's best friend, but he had most certainly become hers. She didn't even stop to think about what kind of relationship that put her in with Tai Lung; she could only handle so much emotional revelation in one night.

She might have let out a sob of pure frustration, if she were capable. Instead, she sat herself down in the giant pile of cushions and blankets she had collected from about the Jade Palace and fashioned into a nest-like bed for herself, grunted loudly, and stared angrily into space. She allowed her mind to go blank, unfocused her eyes, and simply sat for a while in an attempt to calm herself.

After perhaps ten minutes of this, Lin found that there was too much weighing on her mind, and she simply couldn't block it all out. She was injured, she was stuck in the Valley of Peace, she cared about people she shouldn't care about, she felt far too helpless for her own liking, and on top of everything she had yet to breech the subject of learning to use her left hand with Shifu. She didn't even know if she _wanted_ to ask him, anymore. Perhaps it would be better to ask Tai Lung for his help, or wait for Oogway's return. She realized that it actually would be best for her to cut her losses, take what little money she had, and flee right then and there. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She had even packed her things that morning in a vain attempt to force herself to leave, but in the end it had been useless. And it was her own unwillingness to do what was best for her, for everyone really, that chewed away at her constantly. She was annoyed with herself for it, and that annoyance was amplifying every other indignation that had been heaped upon her.

It also annoyed her that Shifu was still suspicious of her. She had been at the Jade Palace long enough that she felt he should have been able to trust her for what he knew of her already; she'd proven herself trustworthy, in her own opinion. And after what she had just gone through, he should have at least shown some gratitude. Yet it seemed as though he was more suspicious of her than ever, and she could tell that he was attempting to draw conclusions about her past, piece "the clues" together.

She wasn't nervous about him figuring anything significant out, though- at least not for the moment. He seemed to be focusing on all the wrong hints, and while she did realize that her show of strength in lifting the table had been rather telling, she sincerely doubted that he had the knowledge or the insight to figure where her muscles had come from.

The person she really needed to worry about was Oogway. He had all the tools to piece everything together: the insight, the wisdom, and the knowledge. Not to mention that he would undoubtedly uncover some information about her during his trip to Shangba that she would prefer to have stayed hidden. She hoped fervently that the wokou that were plaguing the village were not the same crew she had known in Shanghai, but that wasn't how the world worked. Whatever happened to be the possibility that would turn out most poorly for her was usually the most likely one to happen. So, unfortunately, the pirates were most likely the same ones she had once been acquainted with. There was still a chance that they wouldn't get to speak to Oogway at all, though, and he would just kick their asses and be on his way. This, however, was also not very likely. Oogway was a talker, and he obviously favored reason over physical violence as a means of persuasion.

She was thankful, at least, that she had managed to throw Shifu off the scent; when he'd started talking about Shanghai and Quan, she'd become rather nervous that he'd be able to guess at the truth. But then, he'd clearly demonstrated that he was clueless about the grey areas that had been involved in the rioting in Shanghai, which should have been her first tip-off. When he'd admitted himself that he knew next to nothing about Quan, she had breathed a sigh of relief.

She had also been somewhat amused that, in all his time in the city, they had never once run into each other. Of course, she had been actively avoiding him as anyone with any kind of sense had done, keeping her head down and all. She hadn't even known his name or what he looked like; she'd simply heard that the magistrate had called in a kung fu warrior to round up dissenters, and she had acted accordingly.

Who would have guessed that she would find herself not only cooking for him, but actually actively seeking his friendship? And she had been the one to find him, rather than the other way around. It was all very strange, and even amusing. She hadn't given the matter much thought until now, what with recent events, but as she did so she found herself wondering if they'd have gotten along any better if they'd met back then. Probably not, but it was an entertaining thought, and her amusement combined with her soft bed relaxed her.

However, she had become a little too relaxed, and soon found that she could barely keep her eyes open; at first she struggled, knowing that she still needed to cook dinner. She soon gave in, though, with the thought that if Shifu wanted her to stop cooking so bad, then so be it.

And, while her nap was far from calm and peaceful, it was at least better than being awake.

* * *

Shifu groaned to himself as he sat down heavily at the kitchen table. He had waited for Lin to return and begin cooking dinner, and once it had become painfully obvious that she would not be doing so, he had decided to make another feeble attempt at cooking rather than ask her to return to the kitchen. After all, she no doubt wished for an apology and he didn't want to give her the satisfaction. So, he'd put forth his best effort at shaping some beans and barley into a passable soup, ignored the grimace that had crossed Tai Lung's face at every bite of the concoction, and cleaned up. And, inexplicably, he'd waited.

Three pots of tea and an apple later it had gotten quite late and there was still no sign that Lin was about to emerge from her room. He once again turned the events from earlier that day over in his mind. It was inevitable, of course, that he would have said precisely the wrong thing to Lin, but he had hoped that perhaps, just once, he'd had a chance at escaping a conversation with her unscathed. Unfortunately enough, that had not been the case. All he'd done was offer his help in preparing dinner, and somehow even that had managed to blow up in his face. He admittedly _had_ had the ulterior motive of trying to convince her to continue learning kung fu in mind, but she had been snippy before he'd said anything about that.

He realized that he'd put his foot in his mouth with the whole "it's my duty" line, but Lin should have realized by now that he wouldn't have carried her up the thousand steps, unconscious and drooling (nor would he have subjected himself to a full-on view of her naked behind) if he didn't care what happened to her. And he certainly wouldn't be attempting to teach her kung fu if he wasn't concerned about her welfare. At the very least it had been a gesture of gratitude for her willingness to (however ineffectively) protect Tai Lung. Yet she acted as though he were attempting to torture her or something of the like.

Perhaps, though, that was what she'd thought. She _had_ complained throughout the entirety of her incredibly short training, and he had admittedly enjoyed some of her more painfully embarrassing moments much more than he should have. And he _did_ realize that he had never quite given her a verbal show of appreciation for her good deed, so she could have taken issue with that. Though, he didn't see why he should have to thank her verbally when he was so obviously doing so with actions. And actions spoke louder than words, anyway.

There was something else, though, that he hadn't necessarily factored into the equation as of yet, something that had only just occurred to him. No matter how gruff, vulgar, and downright masculine Lin could be, she was still a woman. Women seemed to like verbal confirmation, as far as he'd experienced, although he could be wrong. He tried to think back on previous experiences, and winced when he realized that the last time he'd spoken to a woman for longer than ten minutes had been years ago- not counting Lin, of course.

He suppressed a groan at that; he was absolutely pathetic, no doubt about it. He tried very hard not to dwell on the fact that his interaction with Lin had been more intimate and prolonged than with almost every other woman he had met in the last ten years; after all, the Jade Palace wasn't exactly brimming with estrogen, and he had always been focused on kung fu. And besides that, he had Tai Lung to raise and train. It was understandable that his past relationships had been somewhat... limited.

He shook his head, his eye twitching briefly; he honestly didn't know what had possessed him to suddenly digress, and into such irrelevant territory. What he needed to focus on was the matter at hand with Lin; he had a feeling that he would need to somehow coax her out of her room, rather than simply wait. After all, she was just as stubborn as he could be, and she kept much later hours than he did, so if she needed to leave her room she could very well do so while he was asleep.

It occurred to him that he would need to apologize to her, as much as he dreaded such a thing. He had perhaps been a bit too tight-lipped with his gratitude, and as strange as it was to see that Lin was capable of feeling anything at all besides pride and smug amusement, he had hurt her feelings. It was incredibly unusual to him just to think of her feelings being hurt, but he had somehow managed it. And, whether because he was so stubborn himself or because he simply was terrible with women, it had taken him all afternoon to realize it.

With a heavy sigh, he finally stood from the table and took a moment to rinse out the teapot and cup he'd been drinking from. Then, he doused the single lantern that had been providing him with its dim light and headed for Lin's room. Hopefully, he'd be able to speak to her without enraging her or throwing her into another fit of cold despondence. It was doubtful, but he was willing to try.

He paused outside her door and cleared his throat loudly, to at least give her some warning that he was there. He wasn't exactly sure what the best way to summon her to the door would be, so he settled on the most general and innocuous thing he could think of. "Hello?"

Some thudding and rustling sounded from inside the room as she apparently prepared to answer him. Then, a single loud thump followed by a soft curse indicated that she had probably tripped or stubbed her toe on her way to the door. After a couple more minutes of muttered cursing and rustling, she was finally ready to face him.

"Ah, Lin." Shifu shifted uncomfortably as she opened the door to her room a sliver and sidled through it, closing it tightly behind her in order to conceal whatever she kept inside of it. "Is there... Something wrong in there?" He gestured toward her room.

"It's messy," she answered flatly. She was definitely still put off about their earlier argument, if her tone and tired scowl were any indication.

"Oh." He waited for her to elaborate, but she didn't seem to be in a talkative mood. He decided to try a different approach, and attempted to seem more casual about the whole encounter. "I noticed you were still awake..."

"Yeah." She rubbed at her eyes with her good arm. "What'd you want, exactly?" She didn't seem to be buying his act, though.

"Well, I..." It was difficult to get the words out, to say the least. He couldn't believe he was even trying to say anything at all. She'd probably calm down after a couple of days if he left her alone. And she was just a cook, it wasn't like he owed her anything.

But she _had_ defended Tai Lung. She didn't know any martial arts to speak of, and she had run straight into the middle of a fight that could have killed her. And he did owe her for that.

"I... I'm sorry. Thank you. For... For everything." He could feel himself blush from the embarrassment of his awkward apology, and he shifted uncomfortably as she stared at him, her expression completely unreadable.

Suddenly, she visibly relaxed, the frown falling from her face as her shoulders drooped into their usual cavalier slope. "I was waiting to hear something like that," she finally said. "I... I probably overreacted, anyway."

Shifu did his best to keep his jaw from dropping, but he couldn't keep himself from an astonished blink. "You... You did?" He wasn't used to Lin admitting that she was wrong, even in the most minor of matters. "I mean, yes, you did."

She glared at him at that.

"I mean, no, you didn't. Not at all."

Lin surprised him by laughing. "No, I did. I should be acting more grateful. I mean, you didn't hafta go and try to teach me kung fu. And it _is_ pretty much your whole life, so I can see how that'd be your way of... Of thanking me, and all." She scratched behind her ear, avoiding eye contact with him. "So... yeah."

If he didn't know any better, he could swear she was blushing, though he could see how she would find the whole conversation as uncomfortable as he did. "Well then." He cleared his throat and straightened up, attempting to look much less bewildered than he actually was. "Now that _that_ has been settled... We can resume your training."

She gave him that narrow-eyed look she always shot Tai Lung when she thought Shifu was being an ass, the one she thought he never noticed, but didn't say anything.

"What?" He didn't see what the problem was; he _was_ doing her a favor, after all, and she had acknowledged as much.

"I already told you, _I don't want to learn kung fu._" She chopped through the air with her left hand to punctuate each word, her earlier aggravation returning.

"Why not?" he shot back, offended by the vehemence of her refusal. "You don't want to learn to defend yourself? To handle yourself in a fight?"

"I've made it _this _far without dying, I don't know what I'd need kung fu for," she snapped. She hovered her left arm in front of her a moment, as if she wanted to cross her arms but had thought better of it, and dropped her arm back to her side in favor of simply glaring at him.

He shook his head at her; she was far too stubborn for her own good, and she was refusing his help for no good reason at all, as far as he could tell. "Look at you!" He gestured toward her injured right arm. "If I hadn't come to save you, you could have been killed! Are you just going to rely on other people to come and save you for the rest of your life?"

"I never needed you to come and save me," she huffed, bristling at the implication. Of course, one of her pet peeves seemed to be the notion that she would ever need another person's help in any sort of matter, so it had probably been killing her inside that she'd needed him to save her. "I appreciate it, but I coulda gotten outta that scuffle alright."

He sincerely doubted that, but rather than outright tell her as much, he decided a less forceful but admittedly effective approach was in order, one that Master Oogway had been using on him since childhood. "And what if you didn't?" He kept the accusation out of his voice as much as he could, though some still made its way into his question.

She opened her mouth, but didn't speak. She didn't seem to know what to say, and he felt a twinge of guilt, knowing that she was very rarely rendered totally speechless, and it was probably a sign that he had upset her again. She didn't seem to be able to come up with an answer, though, so he went ahead and prodded her.

"_What if you didn't?_" he asked again, determined to get his point across, or to at least get her to give him a coherent reply.

Lin shook herself, frowning at him as she set her jaw in a show of determination. "At the time, it didn't matter to me, as long as Tai Lung was safe." She continued to glare at him for a moment before she settled down again and let out a long sigh, her eyes turning to the ground. "And I still feel the same way."

Shifu stared at her, stunned by the honesty in her voice. He would be the first to admit that he knew next to nothing about Lin, and trusted her just as little, but as far as he could tell she hadn't been lying. And even if he'd had any doubts as far as her demeanor was concerned, her actions against the bandits had been evidence enough that she was indeed willing to put herself at great risk for Tai Lung. The declaration that she was basically willing to lay her life down for the child, _Shifu's_ child, was absolutely stunning. He had no idea what to even think about it, but he realized that he'd been staring at her in shock for quite some time and that he had to say _something_, and soon.

He managed to gather his wits enough to try to reassure her and said the first thing that came to mind. "It _does_ matter what happens to you." He quickly realized what his reassurance had sounded like, and blushed. "For Tai Lung, I mean," he sputtered. "Not that I don't care if you die," he quickly added when he caught sight of the affronted look on her face. "I just meant that- that Tai Lung has become very _attached_ to you, and I appreciate how much you care for him, and I do feel somewhat _affectionate_ toward you- but I don't mean it like _that_, I just-"

She held out a hand, cutting off his inarticulate rambling. "You can stop making an ass outta yourself now, I get it."

He was so embarrassed that he couldn't even be offended by her rude interruption.

When she spoke again, there was a definite humor and warmth in her voice that hadn't been there before. "I feel somewhat affectionate toward you, too, boss." She gave him a firm pat on the arm. "But if you try to teach me kung fu for even one more second, I'll poison you and make it look like an accident," she added.

"But _why?_" he persisted. He didn't see how she could turn such an offer down- no one had _ever_ turned down his tutelage before, and he hadn't actually believed that anyone ever would.

"Because I don't love it!" she snapped, quickly becoming annoyed again. "I don't even _like_ it. And kung fu, that ain't just something you do, it's a way of life." She _did_ have a point there. "I don't wanna get involved. I know how to hit someone in the crotch, and that's good enough for me."

Once again, Shifu blurted out the first thing that popped into his brain. "Then what _can_ I teach you?" He immediately regretted asking her that, because he could tell from the expression on her face that she had something in mind. He just hoped that whatever it was, it didn't involve some sort of elaborate plan to humiliate him.

However, Lin's consistent habit of taking him by surprise held true. "Teach me how to use my left hand," she ordered, then held her hand up and wiggled her fingers.

"How to... Use it?" He wasn't sure that he wanted to know what she meant.

"You know, become ambidextrous," she clarified, putting his mind at ease. "Use it like I _used_ to be able to use my right hand. Use chopsticks, chop up vegetables... Write." She gave a casual shrug at that. "I know it'll only take a couple weeks for me to heal up, but I can't stand being so... Disabled."

"That wording is a little offensive, don't you think?"

"Focus. Can you teach me?" She raised her eyebrows at him and he knew a challenge when he saw one.

He straightened himself up as much as he could and gave her a quick, decisive nod. "Yes. I can indeed teach you, and I will," he declared with all of his confidence; after all, how hard could such a task possibly prove to be? It would certainly be simpler than teaching her kung fu had been.

She squinted her eyes at him, as if she thought he might recant at any moment. Then, she nodded back at him. "Okay, then."

"Okay," he agreed.

They stared at each other.

"Right," he muttered, trying to find a positive way to end the conversation. Things had quickly taken a turn into awkward territory, but he didn't want to leave too quickly and offend her.

"Um... Thanks." She gestured with her left hand, like she might reach out and pat his arm again, then dropped it back down to her side. "I'm... Gonna get back to my room. 'Cause I'm kinda tired and all..."

"Yes, of course," he said a little too quickly. "Goodnight."

"Yeah, goodnight." She opened her door a tiny bit, so that he wouldn't be able to see into her room, and sidled back inside, closing the door much more gently than she had before.

"Goodnight," he said again, weakly, then cursed himself for floundering about like such a dithering fool.

She sighed from inside the room. "Okay, goodnight," she called back, obviously taking note of his behavior.

"Right," he muttered to himself, and backed away from the door to finally extract himself from the uncomfortable situation.

"Awkward," he heard her say to herself.

"Did you say something?" He slapped his hand to his forehead, wondering why he would ever do something like what he had just done.

"No," she called after him. "_Goodnight_ now."

"Yes, goodnight." He turned around and ran down the hall to avoid humiliating himself even further. If he had ever had a more awkward exchange in his life than the end of that conversation, he couldn't remember it. He got to his room and immediately shut himself inside it. "What is _wrong_ with me?" he spoke aloud, to no one in particular.

Maybe he just wasn't good at being _nice_ to her. He could tell that things had changed between them, however subtle the change may have been. Perhaps it was because he'd thought she might die, and realized that he in fact _did_ care, or maybe because he'd seen how much she cared for Tai Lung. Maybe it was the way she had thrown a table three times her size into a crocodile's head with one arm. He had to admit, despite the suspicion evoked in him by such an act, that it had been pretty spectacular. Either way, he silently prayed that the strange, awkward embarrassment that had suddenly cropped up between them wouldn't rear its ugly head again, especially if he was going to continue to teach her.

He let out an audible groan once his thoughts turned to the next day, and what it held in store for him. While he was certain that he was more than capable of training Lin to develop her fine motor skills in her left hand, he still had to face her after he had not only apologized to her face but also admitted that he, in some capacity, cared what happened to her. She would undoubtedly revert to the same insufferable smugness that had followed when he'd asked her not to quit. And on top of that, he was certain that she'd spend the entire day complaining about every single exercise he put her through, regardless of the intensity of said exercise. It would indeed be a long day, and the day after it, and the day after that one...

He stopped his thoughts there, and sat down in a lotus position on his bedroll in an attempt to reach some sort of calm, so that he would have a chance at falling asleep that night. "Inner peace," he reminded himself quietly. "Inner peace." He would simply not think about Lin's smug grin, or her grating remarks on his age or weight. "_Inner peace_," he ground out, momentarily clenching his hands into fists.

With a deep, harsh breath he managed to calm himself. "Inner. Peace."

He had the sneaking suspicion that he was not about to get any sleep that night.

* * *

A/N: I just wanna say sorry it took so long to mention Tai Lung's pursuit of the Dragon Scroll again, but better late than never I always say. And these musings are precisely why I was mean and took him out of the bandit fight. Plus, even Tai Lung's gotta fail every once in a while.

I know that Shifu's being rather mean in Tai Lung's recollection of the training, but just keep in mind that it's _Lin_. Imagine trying to teach someone something important while they ignore you and call you fat all day. And imagine that someone is Lin, made even grumpier by her injury. You can't really blame him. Or at least, I can't.

Man, this chapter was long with a lot of inner musings... Well, expect there to be a lot more inner musings to come, especially on Lin's end. And we'll see how this new form of training turns out, as well. Also, the next chapter has turned out... At least twice the length of a normal chapter. I'm hesitant to split it in half, so I want to ask you, the readers, your opinions. A double-long chapter for next update, or should I split it in two? Just let me know in your review. (I apologize for the rhyme).


	18. Cooking is Love Made Visible

A/N: Well, first off, sorry this is a little late. I decided to split the chapter. Thanks to everyone for your input! This is still not too short of a chapter, anyway. I want to put some more work into the second half (now chapter 19), since as of right now I don't think it's "quite there." Not sure what's bothering me about it, but I'll figure it out. So, I'll update with that on the regular schedule. Anyway, hope you enjoy this installment.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 18: Cooking is Love Made Visible

* * *

"Yeesh, Pudge, I knew you could pack it in, but a whole bag of rice? Really?" Lin approached the training hall alongside Tai Lung, her eyebrows raised at the sight of Shifu waiting for them on the porch with a full bag of rice. Breakfast had been somewhat strained as they had all eaten in awkward silence, and for good reason; Lin's mood was growing darker with every day she spent without use of her right hand, Shifu had treated her as if she were a ticking time bomb since the night before, and Tai Lung had wisely kept to himself to avoid the inevitable conflict. However, she couldn't keep her silence at the sight of the rice; mainly, she didn't see why he couldn't have spared any for a simple rice porridge breakfast. It would have made her life just a little bit easier.

As they climbed the steps to the porch, Shifu nodded to Tai Lung, which had apparently been an order; the kid bowed stiffly and retreated into the training hall, worriedly glancing over his shoulder as he passed through the front door.

"Seriously, though, when'd you get this rice?" Lin asked, peering dubiously at the bag; she wondered what its presence could possibly mean.

Shifu straightened up a bit and cleared his throat, pinning her with a silent glare.

With a roll of her eyes and a petulant sigh, she bowed; she honestly didn't see why he continued to insist on such formalities when they had agreed that she would no longer be learning kung fu. Then again, she supposed he was still technically her teacher.

"I bought that bag of rice after your tantrum yesterday," he informed her in clipped tones. "I realized this morning that it would come in handy in today's training."

"Oh? How's that?" She had a feeling that she wouldn't like the answer.

"I am glad you asked," he replied, his voice taking on a smug tone that did not bode well for her. He then picked up the bag of rice and carried it down the porch stairs. He paused at the bottom of the stairs to observe the stone courtyard, though she couldn't see why. Then, suddenly, he threw the bag high into the air, jumped up after it, and with a swift chop of his hand tore it open. Before even beginning his descent, he turned his body mid-air to deliver a kick to the open bag, sending it flying across the courtyard. To end this display, he landed easily in the exact same place he had jumped from, and folded his arms behind his back.

"Wow," she said in as flat a tone as she could muster. "Because nothing impresses a cook quite like wasting food." She shook her head as she walked down the stairs to stand beside him; she honestly didn't see what the point of destroying a bag of rice had been, and it had made such a mess in the courtyard. However, when she stopped beside him, she noticed a satisfied smile slowly crossing his face. "What?"

"Here." Sounding as if he couldn't wait for her to understand what was going on, he uncrossed his arms and somehow produced an empty bag, pressing it into her hand.

She didn't know where he'd been hiding it, and she didn't want to know, but she was starting to understand what he was hinting at.

"This is where you will put each and every grain of rice, after you have picked it up." He sounded absolutely ecstatic at the proclamation.

"...Seriously?" Lin turned to stare miserably out at the rice, already aware that he was absolutely serious. Still, it couldn't hurt to ask.

"Seriously," Shifu confirmed, his smile widening. "I suggest you get to work. I hear today is going to be quite hot, and you wouldn't want to get caught out in the noonday sun, now, would you?"

She wanted to argue, especially with that smug grin he had on his face, but she knew that she couldn't. She had asked him to help her develop the coordination in her left hand, and if this was what it took, then she would just need to suck it up. "Whatever," she huffed; she may have conceded to him, but she didn't need to sound pleased about it. "And if you tell me even once to call you 'Master,' I'm gonna personally shove each and every grain of this rice right up your ass, got it?"

"I sincerely doubt you have that kind of patience," he retorted. "I'll be checking up on you to make sure you are putting forth your best effort, so I suggest you treat this with the sincerity it warrants." With that, he turned and headed back up the steps and into the training hall, presumably to check up on Tai Lung.

Lin gave a woeful sigh as she surveyed the stone courtyard, littered with grains of rice; she supposed it was for her own good, though she did get the sneaking suspicion from Shifu's obvious sadistic enjoyment that the exercise had been employed with the specific intent of torturing her. With a low grunt, she bent over to pick up her first grain of rice, and promptly dropped it. Still bent, she made another unsuccessful grab for it. Her third try produced results, and she dropped the grain into her empty sack. Then, she let out a quiet stream of curses (mainly directed at Shifu) as she went about doing the same for every single grain on the ground.

She continued to curse under her breath as the sun grew hotter, though she diligently kept at her work. She realized quickly that she would have an easier time with the task on her knees, and so when Shifu, true to his word, returned thirty minutes later to check her progress, she was crawling pathetically across the courtyard and squinting at the ground for any signs of stray rice. She could practically _feel_ the amusement radiating off of him. "Don't. Say. A. Word," she warned, not bothering to look at him.

His footsteps were usually very quiet, but the rice on the ground caused a faint crunching to emanate from each footfall as he walked across the stone, deliberately scattering grains into the area she had already cleaned up. "It is time for my daily meditation," he informed her, which warranted a snort from her in response. He ignored it, though. "I will not be long."

"Grab a peach for me, while you're at it," she replied lightly, mostly to annoy him.

The only sign he showed of being irritated by her request was a slight twitch of his ears; otherwise, he continued to ignore her and left the courtyard.

With an annoyed grunt, she returned to her task. She supposed there could be worse exercises than picking up rice. She couldn't actually think of any, but she was certain that they existed... And that Shifu had already thought of them all. Then again, maybe she was just jumping to conclusions, and he didn't actually have a whole list of diabolically torturous training exercises for her to go through. That was doubtful.

She decided not to think about it. She would only start going off on tangents, and when that happened and Shifu was involved, she always ended up surprising herself. And she was _not_ in the mood for surprises. And while she had plenty of other things to think about, especially after recent events, she simply did not want to. She didn't want to think at all. Instead, she let her mind go blank, entering an almost meditative state as she performed such a repetitive task. In fact, she hardly even noticed the several times that Shifu stopped to check on her progress.

By the time she had reached her last few grains of rice, she wasn't even sure how much time had elapsed. All she knew was that her fingers and wrist were sore, and her knees felt like they were bruised straight down to the bone. While she was finishing up, she noticed that Shifu had once again returned to watch her with far too much satisfaction in his expression. She decided to ignore him and instead bask in the glory of a job well done. "I'm done!" she proclaimed, throwing her arm up in the air as she surveyed her rice-free domain. As she stood, though, she noticed that Shifu had remained conspicuously silent, and her stomach sank at all the horrible things that said silence implied. She found herself watching him, holding her breath while she waited for him to once again torture her.

Finally, though, he gave a single curt nod of his head, and she let out the breath she'd been holding in a relieved sigh. Then, he said only one word. "Again."

"W-what?" she sputtered, even as she helplessly watched him pick up the bag of rice and spill it all over the courtyard again.

With a mean smile, he handed her the empty bag, then turned and walked away.

Lin cursed under her breath as she watched him go, and really wished that she had something heavy to throw at the back of his head. In lieu of that particular action, she knelt down and resumed picking up the rice as she began to plot her revenge on him in various gruesome ways. She should have known the moment she'd asked him to help her he'd find every opportunity to torture her, but then again she could also be blowing things out of proportion. She had never been a very good student, after all- a good learner, but not a good student.

She did notice that she was a bit faster at her task the second time around, though, and when Shifu returned to inspected the spotless courtyard, he at least didn't spill the bag again.

"You have done surprisingly well," he commented, raising his eyebrows at her as she laid down on the relatively cool stone. "What are you doing?"

"It's hot," she clarified. In fact, it was getting to the point that she wanted to shed her clothing. Or at least her shirt. "And shouldn't I get started on lunch soon?" She wondered what Shifu's reaction would be to her taking her shirt off; he would probably not be very pleased.

"I suppose," he replied, sounding reluctant. "There is still much more for you to do today, you realize."

"But are you really willing to give up your lunch?" she shot back. "Besides, it's a good way for me to practice handling a knife with my left hand, y'know."

Something in his expression gave her the feeling that she shouldn't have said anything. "You have a point." A small smile formed on his face, the kind of smile he only sported when he'd thought up a new way to torture her. "I'll meet you in the kitchen."

"Wonderful," she grumbled, and pushed herself up onto her feet.

* * *

"No, no, not like that-"

"I _know_ how to cook, dummy. Just 'cause _you_ know how to _eat_-"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence!"

Tai Lung surveyed the scene before him, and wondered if it would be best to come back later. While this was the usual time they ate lunch, he understood how it would take a bit longer than usual for Lin to prepare it. And, of course, there was her strange new training with Master Shifu to consider. However, he seemed to have walked in on said training. Lin, in addition to cooking with only one arm, currently had weights tied to said arm, while Master Shifu stood over her and barked nonsensical orders at her (since he knew next to nothing about cooking).

He remembered Master Oogway telling him that some day he would think that Master Shifu was the most weird and embarrassing person on the face of the planet, but he'd never thought that day would come so soon. He slowly began to back away from the doorway, but he wasn't having a very lucky day, and the both of them caught sight of him before he'd been able to flee.

"Tell this idiot to leave me alone," Lin pleaded with wide eyes.

"Tai Lung, don't listen to a thing she says," Master Shifu barked at the exact same time.

He held both his hands up in a gesture of surrender, and took another step back. "I can come back, really." He sincerely hoped that they would let him go, but the odds weren't in his favor.

"No, no, siddown," Lin predictably implored, tossing the gigantic cleaver she'd been holding haphazardly onto the counter and bustling over to the table. "C'mon, take a load off and I'll getya some tea." She even pulled his chair out for him.

"Yes, stay," Master Shifu surprisingly agreed. "As long as you don't distract her," he added sternly. "And _you_," he directed at Lin, frustration apparent in his voice. "Stop looking for excuses to slack off."

"I ain't looking for excuses to slack off," she shot back. "I'm looking for excuses to _get away from you_." She then turned back to Tai Lung with a somewhat insincere smile. "Go on, kid. Siddown."

He nodded and quickly plopped down into the seat, mostly out of fear of how they might react if he refused or even hesitated. He supposed the best way to diffuse the situation would be to divert their attention to something innocuous, but he couldn't think of a topic of conversation that they wouldn't argue over. He wondered if they really behaved the way they did because they liked each other, or if he was just kidding himself by even thinking that. "So... What's for lunch?" He figured the question couldn't go too terribly wrong; Lin was always happy to talk about food, and as much as Master Shifu liked to pretend otherwise, he _did_ like her cooking.

"Wish I could tellya," she replied, exasperation plain in her voice, then jabbed her thumb over her shoulder in Master Shifu's direction. "But _this_ putz won't lemme make a damn decision."

Tai Lung wasn't even sure what a putz was, but it obviously wasn't a good thing.

"_You_ are the one who asked this favor of _me_, if I recall," Master Shifu snapped, bristling at the comment. "And I will have you know that your blatant disrespect is- _stop that!_" As he had been speaking, Lin had lifted her hand up to eye level and imitated the motions of a mouth moving with her thumb and fingers along to his words.

"I'm not really that hungry," Tai Lung lied, hoping to diffuse the situation at least a little bit. "Besides, it's just lunch. Right?" He got the distinct impression that his words had gone completely unheeded as the two adults, the ones who were supposed to be sensible and mature, glared at each other. Actually, it was probably closer to their version of making googly eyes. At that thought, he actually _did_ lose his appetite.

"You guys're weird," he grumbled, slumping down in his chair as they burst into another round of arguing, which he ignored. He couldn't wait for Master Oogway to get back; sure, the old turtle was pretty much senile, but at least he would be able to keep the peace. Of course, he didn't have much time to think about it, since it wasn't long before Lin attempted to drag him into the fight again.

"Tai Lung, _you_ know what goes into a dumpling, right?" she suddenly snapped in his general direction, still glaring daggers at Master Shifu.

"Er... Yes?" he offered hesitantly. Of course he knew what went into a dumpling- it was fairly basic knowledge to begin with, and he'd spent so much time with Lin that it would have been impossible not to absorb some type of knowledge of food.

"See?" she growled in an accusatory tone that startled Tai Lung a bit, before he realized that she was speaking to Master Shifu again. "_Everyone_ knows what goes into a dumpling- _except for you!_ Can you even boil water? Can- can you even _slice_ a _vegetable!_"

"That's not the _point!_" Master Shifu seemed to be at the end of his rope, as well, though he thankfully kept the fight between him and Lin. "The _point_ is that I am attempting to teach you something! So _listen to me!_" It seemed like sound enough advice.

"_You're _the one who wanted dumplings so bad in the first place!" But of course Lin wouldn't take it. The day she listened to anything anyone told her to do would probably herald the end of the world. "_This_ is what I get for being _nice!_"

Tai Lung suppressed a snort at the sentiment; he wondered what Lin's version of "being nice" to Master Shifu was, exactly. Perhaps not attacking him with the knife she'd formerly been using to chop vegetables was on the list.

"That's a good one!" Master Shifu let out a sarcastic, humorless laugh. "Are you sure you weren't a shrew in a past life?"

"I'd rather have been a shrew in my past life than a short, fat badger in my current one!"

"I am a _red panda!_ You _know_ that, I _know _you know-"

"Don't change the subject! You want dumplings, you make 'em yourself-"

"Are you _insane?_ This was _supposed_ to be a training exercise-"

"And _I'm_ supposed to be _the cook,_ remember? And _you're-_"

"I am _not fat!_"

"Ahem." Tai Lung had been watching the bickering, surprised at how quickly it was dissolving into a simple barrage of insults. Usually when Lin and Master Shifu fought, they at least _tried_ to stay on topic. And they had never fought so intensely in front of him before, either. He wondered if this was another sign that they were warming up to each other, though if it was he just prayed that he didn't grow up to be as dysfunctional as they were.

They had stopped fighting and had the good grace to look sheepish when Tai Lung cleared his throat; they had probably forgotten he was even there. And while they might have run out of steam on their own, he didn't want to spend his entire lunch hour watching them dig into each other. "I remember reading somewhere that it's really unhealthy for kids to see their parents fight." However, this simple guilt technique (something he'd learned from Lin) didn't have quite the impact he'd hoped it would.

"Did you just say _parents?_" Master Shifu asked, clearly offended by the wording. "Did I hear you correctly,_ young man?_"

Tai Lung winced; he hadn't been called "young man" in years, and it was clearly a sign that he had crossed some invisible line.

"How could you _not?_" Lin jabbed, obviously not ready to give up the fight.

"My ear size is perfectly normal for my species!" Master Shifu visibly bristled at the insult, and while Tai Lung was relieved that his attention had been diverted before he'd been able to dole out a punishment, it looked as though a whole new round of fighting was about to start.

"Really?" Lin let out a bark of laughter, and when she spoke again it was in a nasal, high-pitched voice that was clearly mocking. "Is 'at what your mommy toldya when the other kiddies on the playground teased you?"

"People like _you_ are the reason I live on a mountain!"

"Good! Nobody likes you, anyway!"

Tai Lung wondered if it was even worth the effort of trying to get them to calm down and get along- probably not. He watched them shout insults back and forth for a little bit, and took note of the fact that they were slowly inching toward one another. He supposed it meant either one of two possibilities: they were ready to erupt into physical violence, or (even worse) he had been right in thinking that they only fought because they liked each other. Either way, he didn't like the looks of where the fight was headed. Thinking quickly, he decided that the best way to diffuse the situation would be to separate them. "Hey!" he shouted over the din.

Lin paused mid fat joke and Master Shifu's eye stopped twitching as they both turned to look at him.

"I think I just heard Master Oogway outside," he lied. "Just to let you know."

Surprisingly enough, Lin was the first to jump into action. "I got this covered," she answered quickly, and attempted to run for the door.

Master Shifu, however, grabbed her by the tail before she could get too far and pulled her back. "Oh no you don't!" he snapped. "You're not getting out of this so easily. There is no possible way that Master Oogway has returned so soon."

Lin reached out, grabbed her tail, and yanked it from his grasp. "Nothing is impossible," she quoted from Master Oogway's long list of wise catch phrases, then bolted from the room.

"Get back here!" Master Shifu ran out after her, leaving Tai Lung alone in the kitchen.

Tai Lung blinked as he stared at the door, then turned his eyes to the countertop, which was littered with chopped vegetables, flour, a pot of water, and a number of discarded kitchen utensils. He briefly considered attempting to cook for himself, but then thought better of it- if he harmed the kitchen in any way, shape, or form, Lin would kill him. "That's okay, not like I need to eat or anything," he grumbled to himself, tapping his fingers on the tabletop as he contemplated his options.

He decided it would be most efficient to just eat some fruit and get back to the training hall. After all, he was wasting time by sitting around when he could be training. He just hoped that Lin and Master Shifu didn't kill each other while unsupervised, but then if they hadn't yet, he supposed he had nothing to worry about. Then again, if his theory was at all correct, he had more to worry about than mere physical violence. More observation was in order, though, before he jumped to any conclusions. In the meantime, the best he could do was go about his business as usual. Sooner or later, the truth would come out.

* * *

Lin yawned loudly as she shuffled along on her morning walk; a little activity to start out the day never hurt, and she would take what little time to herself she could get. It had been a week already since she'd asked Shifu to help her out, and she couldn't even tell whether or not it was helping because her hand and arm were so sore all the time. As for her injured arm, it was still in the sling where it belonged, unfortunately, though for the most part she wasn't in much pain.

She groaned as she clenched and unclenched her fist, stretching her fingers as far out as she could. She had never thought it could be possible to overtax her hand, of all things, but Shifu had somehow managed to push her that far. She could barely even hold an ink brush, let alone keep a pair of chopsticks in her grip.

She thought back on all the tasks Shifu had forced onto her with a grimace; among them had been the rice cleanup, which he had turned into a morning routine for her- and had started forcing her to do so with chopsticks- and then there was the weight that he forced her to keep tied to her arm for most of the day. In addition to cooking with the thing on, he'd also made her practice calligraphy with it, and while she normally wouldn't have a problem with that, he was forcing her to copy characters, again and again until she could produce a perfect duplicate. She'd always _hated_ copying characters. He'd also been forcing her to learn simple, one-handed movements with a staff, which she was none too pleased about; if she'd wanted to spin a stick around, she would have kept allowing him to teach her kung fu. And then, the most annoying practice of all: she absolutely _had_ to eat with chopsticks. If she attempted to pick up her food in any other manner, Shifu would react with his lightning quick reflexes and steal her food from her, and no amount of fat jokes would get him to stop.

She paused momentarily as her walk took her out into the open theater in front of the Hall of Heroes; she glanced at the magnificent building, then back at the bright red front gates; she decided to head for the gates, since she was enjoying the fresh air and she liked the idea of sitting down at the top of the thousand stairs and looking out over the valley. Of course, once she actually managed to push the large doors open and make it over to the stairs, it became quite clear that the morning mist was going to be shrouding most of the scenery in a vague white cloud. Even so, she thought the sight of the mist itself was quite lovely, and sat down to enjoy it while she still could. She knew that the moment the low sound of the gong signaling sunrise rung out over the valley, Shifu would be up and about, looking for her.

Despite all of her complaining, though, Lin really _did_ appreciate his help. She thought of how she might show her appreciation, and decided that the best place to start would be to lay off on the fat jokes, at least a little bit. And she supposed calling him old would have to go, too. Of course, if she really wanted to send him over the moon, she could always wait until the next time he tried to drill her with relentless personal questions and actually _answer_ a few. She doubted, though, that she'd be able to give him any answers that would satisfy him.

Besides, she'd had so much on her mind lately that she doubted she'd be able to really concentrate on such a conversation. Normally, she'd be concerned as to when he'd try to accost her next, but she had more important things to think about. Ever since the incident with those bandits, everything had changed. Everything had changed for her, at least- she couldn't really speak for anyone else.

Or rather, not that much had actually changed- she was simply coming to a series of disturbing realizations. She had come to accept that due to a combination of imbalanced hormones, a history of prolonged solitude, and certain platonic feelings she had somehow become physically attracted to Shifu. And while that certainly still bothered her, it had quickly become the least of her worries. She now had the concept of her emotional attachment to him to contend with- something she'd been agonizing over since reaching the conclusion that she inexplicably viewed him as her "best friend," as Tai Lung would put it. She couldn't have expected much more of herself, though, after some of the relationships she'd had in her life. It made sense, really, that their verbal sparring had somehow become the highlight of her days. In a sick, dysfunctional way that was absolutely _her_ all over, it made sense that she had come to depend so much on a man who drove her insane with such ease. But even all of this was not the greatest of her worries.

The thing that had truly been eating away at her, that maddening thing that she had ignored, had refused to believe in, and only recently had been forced to acknowledge- it was love. While she would be the first to admit that she was woefully inexperienced in dealing with the dreaded emotion, she had still known enough of it to recognize it the few times it rose up, unbidden, from deep within her. She was not accustomed to it- had never been, really- and could count the number of people she had treaded such dangerous waters for on one hand. And she _hated_ the feeling- despised feeling love more than any other emotion.

She could handle a lot of things- she could handle her own barely containable temper, she could handle the occasional intense loneliness that could only be expected with her lifestyle, she could even handle the platonic affection that had been plaguing her since her arrival in the Valley of Peace. Love, however, was not on the list. It hadn't been since her grandmother's death, and though she had indeed loved since then, it had been with a sureness that came from familiarity and experience. It had been the kind of love for a mentor, a teacher, an authority figure- something she'd known her whole life. There had been a certain security in that role of a student, in looking up to someone else and depending on someone else and knowing for sure what that person expected of her in return.

This was different, and completely frightening. It was something she had never even been on the receiving end of, let alone felt herself. She knew it existed, of course; after all, it was the most universally accepted form of love there was. The short amount of time it had taken for such a feeling to form in her, and the intensity with which it burned, though, was the part that scared her. There were some who would argue that such an emotion was only natural for a woman, but she had never believed she would ever feel it; she had never _wanted_ to feel it, never wanted to even be presented with the opportunity for such a bond to form. To be honest, she hadn't thought herself capable of feeling such a strong love.

She wondered how she was even able to recognize it for what it was. True, she hadn't been able to truly see it, hadn't known it was even there, until she had spoken to Shifu a week ago. Just the same as her feelings for the idiot had been there for quite some time, this feeling had been forming from the start, as well. She hadn't realized how deeply in trouble she'd gotten herself until she admitted out loud right to Shifu's face, that she would lay down her life for Tai Lung. It hadn't seemed real, until then.

And even though she knew that her love for the kid must be real, she still couldn't fathom how it could be. How could she love a child that wasn't even hers? How could she be willing to put herself in harm's way, to go so far as to sacrifice her own life, if the need arose, for some kid she'd known for- what, two months, tops? How could she even know what motherly love was, when it had never been even a small part of her own life before? And, the most glaring question of all, how could she have let this happen, when she knew that she couldn't stay in the Valley of Peace- in China, even? How?

She leaned forward and buried her face in her free hand; she was thinking too much, as she often did. Still, her thoughts had rarely been as consistently introspective as they'd become in the past week. She was exhausting herself, mentally and emotionally, especially with no one to blurt out her thoughts to. She was used to having no one to talk to, of course- it _had_ been three years, after all- but then again, she wasn't used to having such heavy thoughts weighing on her mind, either. It had been an advantage of her nomadic life; after all, why would she need someone to talk to, when there was no one to give her emotional stress to begin with?

"I need a drink," she grumbled sourly to herself; wine would be preferable, as that usually put her in a good mood, rather than the violent anger that hard liquor incited in her or the sluggishness and self-pity that followed a sizable amount of beer.

"I am afraid I did not bring any souvenirs," a familiar voice replied.

Lin lifted her face from her hand, blinking in the light as Oogway smiled down at her. "Shit, you're back," she blurted out. In her distress over her own feelings, she had completely forgotten that she still had to worry about the possibility of Oogway dredging up her past.

"Indeed I am." Oogway blinked at her, a subtle sign of surprise that he rarely showed. "I sense that there is something I missed," he said, gesturing toward her right arm.

"Yeah, you did," Lin admitted, glancing down at the sling and trying not to wince at the sight. She failed. "The short version is: crocodile bandits."

"And I am certain that Shifu will be quite willing to relate the long version," he replied, sounding a bit tired at the thought of said conversation.

Lin snorted in laughter at the reaction. "It could be worse," she pointed out. "So... Uh... How was your trip?" She decided to just get to the point; she was anxious to hear what Oogway had uncovered, if anything at all, a string of worst-case scenarios running through her mind. She just hoped that if he had learned anything about her, he'd tell her so she could stop worrying. Still, she'd rather worry about Oogway's knowledge of her past than any of the other subjects that had been on her mind as of late.

"Oh, you know how these things go. A lot of walking, a lot of talking, and some fighting." A benign smile spread across his face as he spoke, as if he'd been on a relaxing vacation. "Although, I must admit, I was surprised by how many times a certain someone came up in conversation."

"I see," she managed to choke out, despite her gut reaction to turn tail and run. Instead, she turned and looked down the thousand steps, over the mist-shrouded valley, pretending she had found something of interest in the scene. "Who would that be?" she worked up the nerve to ask.

"A person who has many guises," Oogway replied, his tone still casual. "The villagers seemed to recall a rather feisty young girl who washed up on their shores about three years ago." He paused and followed her gaze, apparently enjoying the scenery. "The pirates told me of a friend of theirs as well who seemed to fit the description, someone they had known in Shanghai- someone who had strangely disappeared from the city around the time the villagers of Shangba had found their energetic friend washed up on their shores. The villagers and pirates both remembered their comrade as being quite... Fluffy."

"Fascinating." Lin wondered how quickly she could pack up her things and high-tail it out of the valley. "And what did you contribute to the conversation?"

"I related to them the story of a young woman who I had been hoping to meet for quite some time," he sighed, and his tone of voice became less overtly cheerful and a bit more gentle. "Imagine my surprise, when she became a cook here."

Lin glanced at the front gate; the doors were still open a crack, and Oogway _was_ a turtle, so perhaps if she really booked she'd be able to grab her money and make a run for it.

However, he did something completely unexpected. "I'm sorry." And he reached out and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I did not mean to frighten you."

She took a deep breath and gulped in an attempt to calm her nerves. She should have known that Oogway's intentions were completely benign, but she still couldn't help her instinctive reaction. "You've known about me this entire time?" She was completely flabbergasted to find that out.

He offered her a warm smile. "Your former master is an old friend of mine. He spoke of you often in his letters, and with great fondness, as well. For him, at least."

"Huh," was all she could muster in response to that. "And I'll take a wild stab and guess which 'former master' you're talking about- the one who's old as dirt."

Oogway chuckled appreciatively at that, then shook his head. "Oh, he's not nearly as old as I am."

"You got a point there," she conceded, still processing the information. She'd known that the old bastard had quite a few friends in high places, but she'd always tuned him out whenever he'd started to go on and on about "the good old days," as it were. She realized that if she'd actually stopped to listen every once in a while, she would have known immediately that Oogway would be more than willing to help her, and her life would have been just a bit easier. "And you met the wokou from Shanghai?" she asked, curious as to what he'd learned from them.

"Yes. They were... Interesting." He finally took his hand off of her shoulder and let out a brief chuckle. "They spoke highly of you, as well. Their navigator, especially- he told me that you are quite the talented calligraphist, though a rather obstinate student. It seems as though you have many friends, from admittedly _diverse_ walks of life."

"Huh," she said again. "I didn't think they'd even remember me by now." Lin's fear and shock had faded, and left her simply dumbfounded.

"Your secrets are safe with me," Oogway reassured her. "I simply thought that you might like someone... To talk to." He paused, watching her shake her head, her shoulders slumping. "Though I get the feeling that perhaps you would prefer to keep quiet."

"Sorry, it's just..." She tried to think of the best way to describe her reluctance- obviously, Oogway already knew plenty about her past, so it wasn't as if there was any risk in talking to him. And while she did often carry light conversations with him in the mornings, while he practiced his tai chi and she picked peaches, she wasn't sure if she wanted to discuss anything more than that with him. "I... I just don't like to talk about that kinda stuff. At all." She let out a heavy sigh. "I just... Get the feeling that you'll try to gimme advice or put things into perspective or something."

"And you would not like that?" Oogway blinked down at her; he probably hadn't expected such a bluntly honest response.

"Well... No offense, or anything, but I just don't wanna hear it." She knew that he wouldn't press the issue, so she simply left it at that.

"I see." He offered her another one of his benign smiles. "Well, there is nothing I can do about that."

"Thanks. And, hey, since you know all about me and stuff... Can you do me just a little favor and not tell Shifu?" It was worth asking, anyway; she knew that Shifu wouldn't respond to her past quite as well as Oogway had. Besides, the fewer people that knew about her, the better. She also had to admit that there were certain things about her that she would be more than a little embarrassed to have aired out.

"You need not worry," Oogway assured her. "After all, it is not my place to tell your story." He paused, a pensive expression crossing his face, as if he was further pondering her request. "Though, you should know that you do not need to carry your burdens alone," he added. "There is no shame in having to struggle in life. We all must struggle, in different ways. I am sure you would be surprised to find out that even Shifu has known the same kind of pain you do."

She snorted at that. "First of all, I don't feel any kinda 'pain,' other 'an in this arm." She didn't see what he was trying to get at by claiming that she did to begin with. "And second, I sincerely doubt that Shifu and I have anything in common, except for the fact that we both happen to breathe air."

Oogway let out a low chuckle at that, and gave her a brief smile. "When I first met Shifu, he was about Tai Lung's age- a bit younger, actually. And he was alone."

Lin blinked up at the old turtle, momentarily taken aback at that. "Whaddaya mean by 'alone?'" she asked slowly, even though she knew that it wasn't her place to hear anything he told her.

He licked his lips before replying, his voice tinged with sadness. "Word had reached me of a small village afflicted by a mysterious disease, one that had been spreading through the inhabitants like wildfire. I set out to offer my assistance, but my hopes were not high. News of small villages rarely travels quickly. By the time I had reached the next village over, I was told that the disease had killed every last person, a few months before I had even set out on my journey." He paused to stare out into the distance, as if he felt a personal loss for every single villager, despite the fact that he had never met any of them. "There was a rumor of restless spirits, so I continued on my way in the hopes that I could bless the village and put the spirits of its inhabitants at ease. However, there were no spirits. There was just Shifu."

She stared back at Oogway, shocked by the morbid story. "He'd just been living alone in that ghost town?"

He nodded, closing his eyes briefly.

"What the- _how?_" It sounded rather insensitive, but she couldn't fathom how a young boy could be capable of surviving on his own for months at a time. Perhaps it had been near harvest time, so there had been stores of rice for him to live off of.

Oogway, however, just gave a helpless shrug. "He has never spoken of it. Not to me, or to anyone. I do not know if he even remembers."

"Huh," Lin replied, for lack of anything better to say on the matter. Shifu had mentioned that he'd left his village at a young age, but she had never expected anything quite like what Oogway had just told her. "So you raised him," she concluded.

"Yes." He smiled again, his expression becoming warmer. "And let me tell you, he was quite the handful. That boy made invading Huns look like little daisies."

Lin couldn't help but laugh at that. "Daisies?" she repeated, grinning. "Well, I'll keep that in mind for the next time he tries tell me how horrible I am." She paused to shake her head. "I still can't believe he was a crazy feral child."

"For a little while, anyway," Oogway said.

There was one thing, though, that nagged at her about Oogway's story. "Why'd you tell me all that, anyway?" She wondered if it was perhaps another one of his plots to try to enlighten everyone around him.

"I just thought it would help," he replied simply. "I'll leave you be, now. Just keep in mind that I am always willing to lend an ear." With a benign pat on her shoulder, he turned and walked through the front gates, presumably to say hello to Shifu and Tai Lung.

Lin just sat that for a moment, letting everything sink in. She wondered what Oogway had meant by saying that Shifu's past might help her- perhaps he simply thought the knowledge would help them get along better. Still, there was really no telling what Oogway's motivations were, no matter how she tried to guess.

She shook her head, her shoulders slumping in relief. She should have known that Oogway would keep whatever he found out about her to himself. After all, she was on her way out of the country for a reason- if the wrong people realized who she was and what she'd done, she'd be carted off for execution for sure. Not that she felt any guilt over her actions, of course. If it was up to her, most of the laws she'd broken in the past several years wouldn't even exist to begin with. She admitted, though only to herself, that some of the charges against her were legitimate (though she didn't really see how anyone could blame her for assaulting an imperial officer), but those crimes didn't necessarily warrant a call for execution. At the most she deserved a few years in prison, but then she'd probably break out as she had the last time she'd been caught.

She was digressing, though. The bottom line was: she definitely owed the old turtle her thanks, or at the very least another peach pie. Perhaps she could make another batch of almond cookies, or some sweet roasted chestnuts, or maybe some fresh mango slices over coconut rice... She was starting to make herself hungry, actually. She supposed it was about time to get some breakfast started, something sweet to satisfy her cravings. Considering how her "training" with Shifu had been going, this would probably be her only chance to relax, so she might as well enjoy it by indulging a little. And maybe, just maybe, it would help her to stop _thinking_ so damn much.

* * *

A/N: Well, Shifu has finally gotten some revenge, and now the gloves are coming off. Let the descent into madness (and by madness I mean pointless and childish arguments) begin. More so, that is. And I bet you weren't expecting _his_ secrets to be revealed instead of Lin's. At least I hope not! I like to be unexpected. :) In that vein, I also hope that I misled a few people with Lin's admission of her feelings for Tai Lung. By the way, I have a little nod to Mulan when Oogway compares Huns to daisies, just thought I'd mention that.

Anyway, as for next chapter: get ready to see some more bonding. Shifu finally asks the questions that have been on his mind, though whether he gets an answer or not is yet to be seen.


	19. Talk Doesn't Cook Rice

A/N: Well, here is the reason I had to cut chapter 18 in half! Waiting for you in the depths of this chapter is the longest conversation of the fic to date, because I got a little carried away. Also, after a while I realized that this was going to be over 12,000 words long- about double the length of some of the most recent chapters (triple the length of the earlier ones). And I considered cutting this one in half, too. But then I decided I'd made you guys wait long enough, and so here it is in all its gigantic glory! I hope reading through it isn't too tedious. And, again, thanks to all of you who have put up with me through this adventure- and to those of you just joining me. You guys are awesome!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is Dreamworks' property.

* * *

Chapter 19: Talk Doesn't Cook Rice

* * *

Lin glared at the kitchen door as she sliced her log of rice paste for stir-fried nian gao, waiting for Shifu to walk through it and start irritating her. She knew that it was only a matter of time before he showed up to scowl at her, ask her what she was making for dinner, find some way to make a huge fuss about it, and then eat it as if it were his last meal, even after he'd complained so much. And then there was the whole wearing a weight on her arm exercise, which she didn't see much of a point to- it was probably only a method for torturing her. She knew that she was far from innocent in their recent fights, but she tended to get very territorial in the kitchen.

Of course, she knew that there were other reasons for her to dread his arrival. Currently at the top of the list was the fact that, no matter what kind of mood either of them were in, she was always happy to see him. She knew that there must be something wrong with her, but she couldn't figure out exactly _what_ the problem was. She had never been happy to see _anyone_ one hundred percent of the time, not even her closest friends. There had even been times when she'd been unhappy to see _Tai Lung_ (though to be fair, that was mainly because he had been up and rummaging through her cabinets for food in the middle of the night). Even when she didn't want Shifu around she was _still_ happy to see him. She couldn't blame all of her problems on hormones, so she wondered if she had hit her head a little too hard back when those bandits had beaten her up. Maybe her brain had become addled from the violent confrontation.

"What is _this?_" Right on time, Shifu walked into the kitchen, took one look at the food she was preparing, and made the kind of face one would only expect to see on a finicky child.

"Your mother." And there it was again: she was inexplicably _happy_ to see him.

He rolled his eyes at her as he approached the counter. "Your grace and civility are only matched by your cleanliness," he replied sarcastically, and began cleaning up after her.

She watched him pick up discarded garlic skins, onion roots, scattered grains of rice, and other various leavings from the counter and deposit them in the nearby compost bin; he was acting, and not for the first time, like a mother. She supposed she wasn't really one to talk, either. "Y'know, whenever you do shit like this I always feel like we're an old lesbian couple," she commented blithely, mostly to see what his reaction would be.

"_What?_" He stopped in his tracks and stared at her, his eye twitching.

She knew what the eye twitch meant, of course- she'd gotten to him. Still, she was the kind of person who liked to press her luck. "I'd be the butch one, though."

"I do not even know why I bother," he snapped. "I was _attempting_ to be helpful, since you have not stopped _whining_ for the past week about your injured arm."

She kept her poker face on, but he was going to get it for calling her whiny. She knew the perfect response, too; she simply surveyed him a moment with a thoughtful expression on her face, then said, "Yep, I'm definitely the man of the house."

He turned a bit red with anger at that. "You- you-"

"Make you feel like a natural woman?" she interrupted, marveling at how incredibly easy it all was.

He paused to glare at her a moment, then continued. "Do you have any idea-"

"What I've done to you?" she interrupted again, grinning at the look on his face.

"I suppose you could put it that way," he grumbled. "You-"

"Make you feel so good inside?"

"What- no! Sometimes I just want to-"

"Be close to me?" she wondered how long he would continue feeding her lines.

"_No!_ You make me-"

"Feel so alive?"

"_Stop that!_" He was getting rather worked up over her interruptions. "You do _not_ make me feel like a natural _anything_. You make me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack! You _really_ want to know what you've done to me?"

"Testify, sister," she replied, leaning back on the counter.

"Alright! I'll tell you! Every time I see you I feel like my brain is about to _explode_ from all the blood rushing to my head. You inspire nothing but _unhappiness_ and _rage_ in me! And the thought of facing another day with _you in it_ just makes me feel so- so _tired!_"

"Oh." She stared back at him, surprised by his sincerity. "Well, uh... That was interesting." She supposed she shouldn't have been too put off by the outburst; after all, she had been _trying_ to get a rise out of him. "Well, thanks for the insight. I'm just gonna go back to work now."

"And put on your weight," he added. "I haven't been spending my days with you for my health."

"Yeah, yeah." She let out a put-upon sigh as she turned back to her dinner preparations. "Y'know, you don't really need to hover around like that. Why not make yourself _useful_, for once? Go tell Tai Lung to get washed up- dinner's almost ready."

"Very well- but I expect to see you wearing that weight when I get back."

She snorted in response to that, but he didn't say anything back to her, and instead simply left without another word. She paused a moment, staring down at the vegetables on her cutting board, frowning to herself. She didn't know why his outburst was bothering her so much; he was bound to have snapped sooner or later- she should have expected it to happen sooner, actually. Still, she'd gotten the impression that something between them had changed, that perhaps there was actually a possibility that they would be able to put their differences aside. Or, rather, that Shifu would be able to put _his_ differences aside. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up in the first place, though- they fought way too much for _that_ to ever happen.

She shook her head, then lit the stove so she could preheat her wok. She didn't understand why she was even thinking about any of this to begin with. In another couple of weeks she would be long gone, out of the Valley of Peace for good, and she'd be looking back on this and thinking about how ridiculous she'd been. Everything would be back to normal, and she'd finally be on her own again.

Yet, for some reason, the thought didn't seem to cheer her up.

* * *

Shifu cursed to himself as he searched for Tai Lung; somehow he had managed to upset Lin _again_. He seemed to have unwittingly become an expert at it; was there something that he wasn't getting, or was it just her? He didn't know why there was any doubt in his mind- of _course_ it was just her. All he'd done was point out the obvious, and she'd somehow been offended by it. Besides, he was in the midst of doing her a _favor_. If anything, she should have been acting grateful. And the most infuriating part of her behavior was that even though she was _clearly_ put off by what he'd said, she hadn't actually said so- she'd just kicked him out of the kitchen on some errand that he shouldn't have even _agreed_ to- as if she had any right to order him around as if she were his _wife_ or something of the sort-

"Master?"

"Ah! What?" He had just been entering the bathhouse when Tai Lung snuck up behind him, nearly giving him a heart attack.

"Sorry, Master," Tai Lung apologized with a bow. "I was just wondering what you were doing."

"Nothing," he answered quickly. "Just... Looking for you."

"Okay." They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Tai Lung asked, "What for?"

"Dinner is almost ready." Shifu tried his best not to sound too uncomfortable, but was unsuccessful. "So... It is about time for you to get cleaned up." What really pained him, though, was that it was so obvious that the message had come from Lin.

"Alright," he agreed, though with a slight air of reluctance.

Shifu frowned at the tone of Tai Lung's voice, but before he had a chance to say anything, the boy went on.

"Master, before I wash up, there was something I wanted to ask you." He squared his shoulders, his jaw set in a show of determined stubbornness that could only mean one thing: this question was most likely not going to be a pleasant one to answer.

Shifu momentarily contemplated refusing to even hear what his son had to say, but he knew that such a reaction would only be damaging at best. "Go on," he sighed, readying himself for anything.

"Why do you hate Lin so much?" The question was asked with such direct openness and innocence that it caught Shifu off-guard, despite his recent vow to be ready for anything.

Once he recovered from his initial surprise, though, he supposed an honest answer was due. "I... Well, I do not necessarily _hate_ her." He tried to think of a proper way to describe his myriad of feelings (most of them negative) toward Lin, but only managed to come up empty. "To be perfectly honest, it's difficult to explain."

"Oh." Tai Lung squinted back at him, clearly confused by the answer. "So you _don't_ hate her."

"No," he confirmed. "I do not." Of course, simply because he didn't hate her didn't mean he wasn't constantly infuriated by her, but it would probably be best to keep that to himself. "I just... Do not think that she is a good role model for you." He paused to raise an eyebrow at his son; the last thing he wanted was for the boy to continue taking cues from Lin, so it was important that he made his disapproval known. "But I did not mean to give off the wrong impression."

"Okay, then. I thought... Well, I mean... You've been kind of _torturing_ her a lot, lately." Tai Lung, as was his custom when speaking his mind, stopped to wait for any repercussions that might come.

Shifu couldn't fault the boy for pointing out the truth, though; he would be lying if he said that he hadn't in some capacity enjoyed thinking up new painfully difficult exercises to put Lin through every day. Not to mention the priceless look on her face whenever he first introduced her to said exercises. "I didn't realize I was getting to her that much." He tried to keep the glee out of his voice.

"Yeah," Tai Lung sighed, relaxing considerably once it was clear that a punishment wouldn't be heading his way. "I know she's tough and all, but I think you should go a little easier on her, Master. I just don't think it's healthy for her to be cursing your name under her breath so much... And I think I heard her speaking in tongues or something the other day. I mean, I know that you're supposed to be putting her through some really hard training, but if she snaps it won't be pretty." He _did_ have a point with that.

"You have no reason to worry," Shifu reassured him. "I won't push her too far. I promise." Though he supposed that he should probably have a chat with her after dinner to make absolutely sure. "Now go wash up- you wouldn't want to be late for dinner."

Tai Lung's eyes widened a bit at the suggestion that he could possibly incur Lin's wrath, then turned tail and ran into the bathhouse, presumably to clean himself up as quickly as possible.

"If only it was this easy to get him to meditate," Shifu muttered to himself as he turned and headed back toward the barracks.

He didn't see why Tai Lung was so concerned; personally, he didn't think any of Lin's exercises had been particularly grueling. Sure, they probably left her exhausted at the end of the day, but what good training _didn't_ reap such results? And while he did get a certain vengeful enjoyment from the way she grumbled every time she had to pick up a grain of rice with chopsticks or copy the character for "determination" perfectly one thousand times, in the end it was for her own good. Besides, it wasn't as if she didn't get her fair share of kicks out of torturing him right back. Just the day before she had made a game out of dinner by forcing him to choose by smell alone which plate had not been spiked with red chili peppers- and he had lost.

He decided as he entered the barracks that he would not worry about it. He was sure that if Lin was behaving oddly at all, it was most likely part of her usual moodiness. There was nothing for him to concern himself with. Still, he stopped next to the doorway into the kitchen and peered in to make sure that she wasn't fuming or anything of the sort before stepping inside. "Tai Lung is on his way," he reported, only to get a distracted grunt in return. "Do you need help with anything?" He didn't even know why he was offering; what he should have done was grab something edible and make a hasty retreat. Then again, he had never been the type of person to retreat from anything, least of all a short-tempered cook who could barely go two minutes without a cup of tea. Speaking of which...

"Put some water on for tea," she ordered him without hesitation.

"And here I thought you never needed help with anything ever," he commented lightly.

She let out a put-upon sigh, as if she were being bothered by a toddler. "Shut up and boil the water." She poured some oil into her wok, then stood watching over it as if it were about to jump out and try to escape, while she rested her hand on a bowl full of mixed vegetables. "Stir-frying requires undivided attention," she informed him, an intensity in her voice that only came about when she was cooking.

"Right." He tried not to sound too skeptical, since she would most likely bite his head off for such an offense. "And this is because...?"

"The heat!" she exclaimed with such fervor that he took a step back. "Stir-frying is all about the _intense heat_. Not only that, but the regulation of said heat to maximize the efficiency of cooking- hence the rounded shape of the wok. The first ingredients- my vegetables here- are fried in the oil, then pushed up onto the cooler sides to prevent burning while I add my next ingredients. Yet the residual heat continues to cook them- are you following?"

He hadn't exactly been able to follow what she'd said, but he was somewhat afraid to say so. "Uhm- of course. Yes. Perfectly."

She let out a skeptical snort, then before he could work out a sarcastic reply she tossed the vegetables- he was able to identify some cabbage and carrots- into the wok, grabbed the wooden spoon she used for basically everything, and began to stir-fry. She did so with such confidence and apparent skill that he was, for a moment, speechless.

While they did have their many, many differences, Shifu still had to admit (reluctantly) that not only was he impressed by her skill and knowledge in the kitchen, but her passion for the subject as well. He continued to watch her with considerable interest as he set a pot of water on the stove; despite his lingering suspicions, Lin's insistence that she was simply an average cook seemed more and more plausible as time went on. Even if she _was_ an actual cook, though, there was definitely more to her than she was telling him.

"You gonna stand around and stare at me all night or are you gonna _assist_ me?" she suddenly snapped, breaking his train of thought.

"Er," he managed to reply before she started ordering him around some more.

"Whatever, just get out a pot and some tea- I want two parts Oolong, one part Jasmine. And _don't_ question me. Once you got that done, set the table- teacups, obviously, and some of those wide shallow bowls- the _green_ ones, not the brown. I don't like those brown ones. Oh, but before you do that make sure you give the table a wipe down, make sure there aren't any leftover crumbs or anything. And don't forget to set out napkins." She paused, looking pensive for a moment. "When you're done with that, clean off the counter for me."

He waited a moment for her to bark more orders at him, and when he was certain that she'd finished he asked with no small amount of sarcasm, "Is there anything else you would like me to do, my lord?"

"Nope," she answered, as if he had been perfectly sincere. "Hey, I like that. You should call me that all the time."

"You are so completely full of yourself that it is sickening," he observed.

"In case you didn't notice, I only got _one_ hand here," she shot back with a frown. "So get cracking." She was definitely having a moody night- moodier than most, at least.

"I believe a 'please' would be in order."

"_Please_."

He rolled his eyes at her back, but otherwise went about doing as she'd asked; after all, she _did _only have one good hand. Even though he was helping her, she stopped speaking to him, and any comment he made was greeted with an annoyed grunt. He tried not to lose his temper, though; that would only make matters worse. Thankfully, it wasn't long before Tai Lung arrived for dinner; if anyone could improve Lin's mood, he could.

"Wow, whatever that is, it smells _good_," he complimented after bowing to Shifu. Whether he actually meant the compliment or simply sensed that Lin wasn't exactly in the best of moods, though, was difficult to gauge. "I could smell it from outside the barracks, too, and I thought I was gonna drown in my own drool!" Perhaps it was a little of both.

"Aw, kid, that's sweet." Lin, of course, was far from immune from flattery, especially when it came to her cooking. "But you don't hafta say that kinda stuff. Y'know what they say, the best compliment to a cook is silence at the dinner table." As if that were possible with her around.

He was tempted himself to attempt to flatter her, but held back; he would not stoop to such means simply to prevent some glaring and fat jokes. "Well, I should hope it is good," he settled on as he set the table. "It certainly took long enough to make."

"Almost as long as it takes you to poop," she replied. "Go on and siddown, Tai Lung."

Tai Lung sat down as she'd told him to, warily glancing back and forth between her and Shifu. "So... The weather is... Nice. Today."

Shifu glared at Lin as he wiped down the countertop and she glared right back as she dumped the stir-fried nian gao into a large serving dish, then poured the boiling water into a teapot to steep. He realized that he was being rather childish, but he didn't see what he had done to warrant such attitude from her. And her behavior was starting to affect his own mood, as well. "Yes. The weather is nice." He continued to glare as Lin served dinner and they sat down to eat, and pointedly cleared his throat when she attempted to pick at her food without the use of chopsticks.

In response, she picked up her chopsticks, holding them in a tight fist as she rudely stabbed at her dinner and shoved whatever she'd managed to skewer into her mouth.

"I have met toddlers with more manners and maturity than you," he informed her. "I will remind you that you _asked _me to help you, so I suggest you follow the rules I have set down for you and use your chopsticks _properly_." He raised his eyebrows at her, waiting for an argument.

However, she simply rolled her eyes at him and went about correcting her grip. She managed, however shakily, to get another bite of food into her mouth before she paused to glare at him. "Stop it," she suddenly snapped, dropping her chopsticks onto the table.

"Stop what?" Shifu played dumb, pretending to be much more interested in his dinner.

"Stop watching me eat," she elaborated. "It's creepy, and you're making me nervous."

"I am simply ensuring that you eat in a manner befitting of a grown woman," he shot back.

She let out an annoyed sigh, then shakily picked up her chopsticks and attempted to get back to eating her dinner. When she dropped them again, Shifu realized that the first instance had probably been an accident. She had been doing fairly well the past couple of nights, but perhaps her hand had become sore enough to keep her from gripping the slender utensils properly.

He _almost_ offered his help, but reminded himself that she would not learn anything if he helped her. She wouldn't appreciate such a gesture of kindness, anyway. Instead, he finally dug into his own meal. It was delicious- salty and crispy with lots of garlic and just a hint of ginger, and after only a few bites the dish was quickly working its way onto his list of tea was good, too.

The rest of the meal passed in relative silence. Every now and then Tai Lung would start some small talk, but as soon as Shifu attempted to enter the conversation Lin would get snippy and then stop talking completely. He had been trying to learn how to pick his battles ever since he'd first started butting heads with Lin, but he found himself having a _very_ hard time trying to keep his cool. Despite his temper threatening to boil over with every short answer and silent glare, he managed to make it through the meal without fighting with her.

However, after Tai Lung had been excused for his evening meditation, Shifu found himself faced with a dilemma. He wanted to take his leave as well, perhaps find Master Oogway to talk him down, but it was painfully obvious that Lin was exhausted and in need of some help cleaning up. He paused to debate the issue with himself, but soon found that there was really no point. He would (inexplicably) feel too guilty just leaving her there. He cursed his deeply ingrained sense of honor as he rolled up his sleeves and joined her at the wash basin in an attempt to help her do the dishes.

"Go away," she snapped the moment he plunged his hands into the dirty water.

"This will go by much more quickly if you stop acting like a petulant child and let me help you," he pointed out with as much patience as he could muster under the circumstances.

"How about we find out how quickly my foot can go by your ass?"

And with that comment, the last of his resolve snapped. "That is _it!_" He wasn't about to stand by and be made a fool of while she took advantage of his good nature. "You have been nasty and miserable all evening, and I am _sick_ of it. Exactly what is your problem, anyway- aside from the usual?"

She glared at him a moment, an angry frown on her face. "You wanna know what my problem is? You're an asshole."

"_What?_" He couldn't believe that after _everything_ he'd done for her, she was calling him names.

"And you know what? You're a good guy, too. It's a strange combination for me, but I seen worse." She threw her left arm up in frustration, then plunged it back into the wash basin with a small splash. "You got some issues, and so does everyone. I get it. But it's hard for me to be around you all day, when you're trying to teach me _anything_, because when you teach, you're an asshole. And you treat me like a kid when I ain't one."

Shifu felt his fur bristling as she spoke; he hadn't exactly been looking for a fight, but somehow Lin always managed to drag one out of him. "Like you're anyone to be criticizing! You swear, you drink, and who knows what else you do when you're down in the village! You can't even bring yourself to form individual words, instead you say things like 'wanna' and 'ain't,' but you act like you're so much smarter than everyone else."

"Don't start with me," she grumbled, and she sounded like somebody's mother when she said it. "You think you're so well-traveled and educated just 'cause you're a little older 'an me? Listen, _Gramps_, I could talk as fancy as I wanted to, but I don't. And you know why? _Because I certainly do not want to_. How's about that there? Yeah, I know squat about kung fu, but I been to more cities 'an you can even _name_, I can navigate my way anywhere just using the stars or the position of the sun in the sky, and I can sure as hell cook the pants offa you. I _do_ appreciate the nice things you're doing for me, but quit talking down to me. _Please_."

"Maybe I would be less condescending if you weren't constantly acting like I am some kind of neanderthal! Even when you _don't_ criticize me, you act so smug and disapproving. You were right, back when you said that I- _we_- got along fine without you. You may not _agree_ with everything I say and do, but your way is not necessarily the _right_ way, and it is certainly not the _only_ way."

"Well _same to you_, you walking headache! You gotta make everything so much more difficult than it needs to be, because you _refuse_ to try to understand any point of view other 'an your own. In fact, _you_ are so uptight that _I_ had to force your own _son_ to eat dinner with you!"

"How would _you_ know anything about how to act around others? Apparently, you don't _need_ anyone, remember?"

She had been trying to wash dishes with one hand the entire argument, but at that she stopped and glared at him. Then she splashed him in the face with dirty dish water. "_So there_."

"That wasn't an argument!" he coughed out, rubbing water out of his eyes. "That was-" He was interrupted when she splashed him again. "Stop it!" He ducked out of the way as she splashed at him again, then lunged toward the basin and plunged both hands into the water, splashing her back.

"Hey!" she shrieked, but kept tossing water at him, and he returned the favor.

"Um, what're you guys doing?"

He stopped in his tracks at the sight of Tai Lung standing in the kitchen, staring open-mouthed at them. He realized then that he had just been in a juvenile splash fight with Lin, and there was absolutely no excuse that he could think up to explain his behavior.

"Doing the dishes," Lin replied to the question as calmly as if that was exactly what they _had_ been doing.

"...Oh." Tai Lung still looked confused. "I was gonna ask for some more tea, but I guess you guys are busy, so... Yeah. I'll just... Go back to meditating, now." He sidled out of the room, still staring at them.

Lin burst out laughing. "We appear to be evenly matched."

"I am glad you find it so funny," Shifu grumbled sarcastically. He was soaking wet, and there were bits of who-knew-what all over him from the filthy water.

"You're covered in crap," she pointed out needlessly, still laughing like a young girl.

"So are you." He started picking stray noodles and what appeared to be pieces of vegetable off of himself, frowning; it was bad enough that he'd been lured into such a childish fight, but to be caught at it by Tai Lung was just humiliating.

"C'mere," Lin said suddenly, and before he could react she grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him closer.

He wasn't sure what to expect, but for some reason he didn't resist. "W-what?"

"Here," she replied vaguely, reaching behind his head and pulling him down, so that they were eye-level.

"I-I don't think this is... Uhm..." He trailed off as Lin stuck her hand right into his ear and pulled out a large chunk of tofu. "Oh."

"There ya go!" She turned back to the wash bin and tossed the tofu in, then started brushing the waterlogged garbage off of herself, letting it all fall to the floor.

He realized that he was still leaning over, and straightened himself up immediately, before she could see him acting like that and draw conclusions. "...Thank you," he muttered, then cleared his throat.

"Eh," she replied. "It's the least I can do after getting on your case all the time. Not that you don't deserve it."

Shifu stared at her, blinking slowly. He could not believe that her mood had taken such a turn- she hadn't even made a comment about the size of his ears. "You must actually have some sort of mental problem," he stated flatly.

"Wow," she said, keeping her eyes trained on her own chest as she attempted to wipe bits of food off of it. "Just wow. I go outta my way to be nice, and this's your reaction? Move away from me."

"_You_ were the one acting _horrible_ all night," he pointed out. "But now you're ready to behave like a normal person because you found _this_-" he waved his hands about to indicate their general situation- "funny? You cannot blame me for finding that just a tad unusual."

"That's not the only reason," she huffed, and looked over her shoulder to inspect her back for any debris. "Look at it this way: my frustration and anger toward you had been building up for a while, with little to no outlet. It was like having to pee. Now that I've told you that you're an asshole and splashed dirty dish water in your face, I feel a lot better." She then turned her back to him. "You see any crap on me?"

"No, but you are certainly full of it." He didn't see why she had any reason to direct her anger or frustration at him, but at the same time actually bringing this concern up would definitely start a new fight. And while he knew that fighting with her was as inevitable as the sun rising and setting each day, he wanted to keep the peace for the moment, because he sensed that this was a good time to bring up some of his more recent concerns with her.

Lin snorted at his response, then turned around and suddenly grabbed him by the arm and gave it a tug. "Turn around, now," she ordered, even though she was already physically forcing him to do so.

"Speaking of being treated like a child," he grumbled, but allowed her to inspect his back for stray food particles anyway.

She ignored his comment, and after a pause that seemed to him far too long for a simple once over she finally cleared her throat. "You're good."

"Finally," he sighed, and turned to face her again. He waited for her to say something in return, perhaps a comment on his weight, but she remained silent and nervously tugged at her sling under his scrutiny. "Leave it alone," he snapped immediately, then regretted saying anything at all, because he sounded so... _Protective_. Which was _not _the case.

"Right." She seemed to snap out of her momentary awkwardness and let out a small yawn. "Well, if that's all, I'm kinda tired and I gotta finish all this up..."

"Actually, there is something else." He paused for a moment, trying to think of some way to subtly begin questioning her about all the doubts that had arisen in his mind over the past week or so, but came up empty. He supposed she would have been able to spot his ploy, anyway, and decided that one more try as his usual approach couldn't hurt too much. "Since we appear to have 'made up,' as it were, I am going to be forthright. There are a few questions I need to ask you." He knew that her response would be evasive at best, enraged at worse, but he still needed to ask, as much to sate his own curiosity as to attempt to trust her, as Master Oogway had asked him to on so many occasions.

She hesitated to answer him, apparently thinking over his request. "Can't guarantee I'll answer," she replied calmly, but firmly, and rather than continuing with the dishes she headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked warily, not moving from the spot he stood in.

She laughed at him. "Yeesh, already with the questions." She then waved her hand to beckon him. "C'mon, I got a feeling I'm gonna need some fresh air for this."

"Right," he agreed, satisfied for the moment that she had even agreed to talk with him in the first place. The conversation could only go downhill from here, though. Still, he followed her out of the barracks and onto the path that led around the grounds, silent as he contemplated what to ask first.

"I got a question for you, actually," she suddenly admitted, glancing up toward the sky.

"Go ahead." He was actually quite hesitant to hear what she would ask, but it was only fair, considering all the questions he had in mind for her.

"Why's it matter so much to you?" She didn't sound accusing, just curious. "I mean, why should you care where I was born or how I got to the Valley of Peace, anyway? D'you feel like you'll be able to trust me if you know everything about me? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that's not what trust is about." Her statement had been surprisingly wise, and if she had worded it more metaphorically and added something of an accent, he could have sworn that it was something Oogway would say. "Anyway," she went on, "even so, why does it matter? Sure, there mighta been stuff in the past that changed me, shaped who I am. But the thing is, knowing that stuff won't change a damn thing. I am who I am, and that's the way it is."

He actually stopped walking, he was so struck by her words. He hadn't thought Lin was capable of such sincere and thoughtful reasoning, or that if she was she certainly wouldn't show that side of herself to him. He was starting to see why his master liked and trusted her. "I see," was all he could think to say. After all, she had implored him to get to know her, and to trust in who she was rather than whatever he might know of her past.

And while that in itself had given him much to think about, he was also struck by the realization that while he had convinced himself up until that very night that he knew absolutely nothing about her, that was far from the truth. He knew that she had an unusual, but admittedly good sense of humor, and he knew that she was witty, and smarter than he gave her credit for most of the time. He knew that she was brave, in her own way, and that she guarded herself so closely that it was doubtful she had been able to make many meaningful connections in her life. And most importantly, he knew that she cared very much for Tai Lung. Perhaps she even loved him. And as he ran through all these things and more in his mind, it occurred to him that at least in some small way, he had begun to understand her, as well.

"You gonna ask me anything?" She gave him a nudge with her elbow, pulling him out of his contemplation.

"I just... You have a point," he admitted grudgingly. And while he did indeed mean that, he still wanted to know the answers to all the questions that remained in his mind. Because while whatever lay in her past may have been of no consequence, there was an equal chance that there was something important she wasn't telling him, something that he had a right to know if there was a chance that it could follow her to the Valley and bring harm to its citizens. Furthermore, he was still unclear as to what her intentions in staying with them were, and he knew without a doubt that her situation was more complicated than the simple need for a job and a place to live. "I still want to ask you a few things."

"Fair enough," she conceded. "Just thought I'd show you my point of view."

He decided to address what had bothered him most about what he'd observed while fighting off the bandits, and in his subsequent attempted training of her. "You're strong."

"Uh... Thanks?" She didn't appear to get what he was trying to say.

"What I mean is, you're stronger than you should be. For a cook, I mean. I was just wondering how that is." He raised his eyebrows, awaiting her defensive denial.

"Did it ever occur to you that I've cooked for more 'an two or three people in the past?" she shot back, catching him by surprise. "Imagine you gotta feed thirty or forty people, and you gotta do it all in one pot. A pot is a chunk of solid metal, usually iron. And you gotta lift it, and carry it around. Then there're the other components of a large meal- the appetizer, the soup, the wine, the dessert, the greens- if you're cooking for people who eat greens. And if you're doing all that by yourself, of course you'd need to be strong. I mean, some of those pots and pans can weigh _a lot_. And then you gotta make room for all those people, which means you gotta be able to pick up and move chairs and tables. Hence, I'm a bit stronger 'an I look. It ain't such a big deal."

"And you moved these tables with one arm, which happens to not even be on your dominant side?" He knew that there could be a lot of heavy lifting in a kitchen when there were a large amount of mouths to feed, but her story still didn't entirely account for what he'd witnessed.

"I _toldya_ that the adrenaline-"

"Yes, I get that," he interrupted, "and yet your left arm remained conspicuously uninjured, which suggests to me that it might not have been such an unusual feat for you to lift that table."

She rolled her eyes at that. "It wasn't even a big table, and the wood was lightweight! It probably didn't weigh any more 'an you or I do."

"So you're saying you could lift me with one arm?" he asked, knowing that she had a hard time backing down from a challenge.

"If you didn't struggle, yeah," she answered smugly. "Though keep eating the way you do 'an that won't be true for very much longer."

"Har har," he grumbled sarcastically, though there were more questions bubbling up inside his mind as a result of her admission. "So if you're strong enough to lift _me_, then why have I seen you struggle with groceries in the past?" Perhaps she'd simply been acting so as to throw him off her scent.

"I said I could lift you, I didn't say I wouldn't have a hard time doing it." She grinned at him at that, once again suggesting that he was overweight.

"Fine." He still wanted answers, though. "Just tell me the truth. How strong are you, exactly?"

"You're the kung fu master," she answered evasively, "_you_ tell _me._"

He could see that he wasn't going to get any further in his current line of questioning, though she had been more compliant than he'd ever dreamed she would be. "Point taken," he conceded, and decided to switch topics. "So... I noticed that you tend to... Carry knives on you."

She suddenly stopped on the path they'd been walking along, and for a moment he assumed that she'd been stricken by his question before he realized that she'd paused at the vegetable garden that she and Tai Lung had been staunchly maintaining. Or rather, the barren patch of dirt. "Yep, I do," she confirmed, approaching the dirt to squat in front of it and squint at it in the darkness. "Y'know, at least _some_ of these shoulda sprouted by now..." She peered down at it, as if her gaze alone would will the stubborn seeds to grow.

Shifu resisted the urge to snap at her for treating him so flippantly, and refused to lose his resolve. "Why would you carry knives on you? The Valley of Peace is a relatively safe place, the bandit attack not withstanding... And I don't see why you'd need to suddenly chop vegetables in the middle of the street."

"A knife is a utility item," she replied reasonably, scooping some dirt from the garden into her cupped hand and allowing it to fall back to its resting place through her fingers. "You'd be surprised by how versatile it can be." She then wiped her palm on her knee to get rid of any residual earth on her hand and stood up again. "And I like to be prepared." This last statement, though casual and innocuous enough, still made him wonder what Lin thought she needed to be prepared for.

He didn't think he'd be getting much more out of her on that particular subject, either, and there were more pressing issues to be discussed. "I see." He spoke judiciously, and followed her once she began walking on the path again. He suspected that they were headed toward the peach tree, but was surprised when she suddenly turned onto a much narrower off-shoot of the path that was almost completely overgrown with underbrush and covered by the large trees that lined it. "Where are you headed?"

"Just around," she answered non-commitally. "What makes you think I have a destination in mind?"

He rolled that particular question over and over in his mind as he followed her, contemplating its meaning; it could be an insight into her own peculiar philosophy, the entirety of which was still unclear to him. Then again, she could have been attempting to impart him with some sort of wisdom that she believed strengthened her argument about the past not mattering, though he couldn't yet see how. And there was, of course, the most obvious answer: that it had been a simple, innocent question that had meant nothing more than it seemed to mean. "...What?" he finally asked, his mind jumbled and confused with the possibilities.

"I just said I wanted some air," she replied, squinting her eyes at him as if she thought he was crazy. "I never said I was going anywhere."

"Oh." He supposed that sometimes the obvious answer was the correct one; he cleared his throat, somewhat embarrassed by how much he'd attempted to read into what she'd said. "In that case, I have some more questions for you."

"Of course," she agreed, sounding almost friendly. "If you didn't, you wouldn't still be here, now, would you?" That, however, had most definitely not been innocuous, and the way she raised her eyebrows at him proved it.

He felt himself blushing at the accusation, then reminded himself that there was really no reason for him to feel ashamed; after all, why should he ever feel obligated to spend time with her? She was the _cook_, it wasn't as if she were his friend. "I have nothing to feel guilt over, so stop trying to make me feel guilty." He waited for her to throw a scathing remark his way, but she remained silent, as if mulling over his words. He felt rather awkward at that, and thought it best to wait a moment for her to settle down before he launched into his next series of inquiries; in an attempt to at least ignore the awkward tension between them, he began to more closely observe their surroundings.

The path they were walking along saw very little travel compared to the others on the mountain, and thus was littered with fallen leaves and seed pods, with the occasional tree root springing up before them. To the left there was only a small patch of grass before the land dropped away in one of the many sheer rock faces on the Jade Mountain, over which a few twinkling lights belonging to residents of the valley were visible. Meanwhile, their right side was crowded with trees, whose twisting branches reached out over the path and offered ample cover for privacy, while the stars were still visible through some patches between the large green leaves.

He had traveled this path often in his youth, using it as a place to play as a small child and then as he became a little older as a place to make some of his few feeble attempts at romance. From what he could remember, it actually looped around to the back of the barracks, though in a much more roundabout way than the main path did. He risked a glance at Lin, and she seemed to be taking in their surroundings just as he had, though with considerably more wonder and open appreciation than he had. "You have never walked this way before?" he asked, rather impulsively.

She blinked, as if coming out of a trance, and looked at him as if he should already know the answer to that. "I walk here all the time. Why'd you even ask that?"

"Well, you looked like you'd never seen it before..." He trailed off, embarrassed that he'd just implied that he had been staring at her.

"I just appreciate the beauty of it all... The stars in the sky, the lights in the valley, the, uh... The trees... And stuff." She paused to clear her throat. "So you wanted to grill me some more?"

"Ah, yes. That." He cleared his throat and straightened up a bit, trying his best to look authoritative and not at all awkward. "Well then." He supposed he might as well just jump right back in. "How is it that you know so much about crocodile anatomy?"

"_That's_ one of your questions?" She let out an amused snort. "What's that gotta do with anything, anyway? What a dumb question."

"And yet you are avoiding it," he pointed out.

"I'm _not_ avoiding it," she huffed, rolling her eyes at him. "I'm just telling you how ridiculous it is. I mean, how _else_ would I know about crocodile anatomy except from _reading?_"

He raised an eyebrow at her answer. "That is a strange topic to read about."

"Well, I like to read about a lotta different stuff." She definitely sounded more defensive than she should have been. "And it came in handy, didn't it? Like I said before, I like to be prepared for any eventuality, plus I'm a traveler. Bandit groups are mainly made up of predatory animals like crocodiles and wolves, so wouldn't it make sense for me to read up on their anatomy?" She paused a moment, a contemplative expression crossing her face. "Plus I was kinda curious about their genitals-"

"Alright, that's enough," he interrupted before she could get any further. "I believe you." He _didn't_ believe her, of course, but neither did he want to hear what she'd been about to say.

"You're a terrible liar." She grinned at him, obviously amused by his haste in trying to stop her train of thought. "But I'll giveya a break, for once, and change the subject."

"Thank you," he sighed, relieved. "So if you've read so much about bandits, you should have known well enough to _run_, isn't that right?"

"Oh, shut up," she replied, punching him in the arm. "I _tried_ to run, y'know. But I guess I shoulda known that running wouldn't exactly work out. And before you say anything: yes, you saved us, thank you- _again_."

"I was not going to say anything." He avoided her accusatory gaze, clearing his throat before continuing the conversation. "And those bandits weren't much trouble compared to the group I faced before them. Yet I got the impression that they were somehow related..."

"That's 'cause they were the guys who were too weak or inept to go on the first mission," she pointed out in her usual know-it-all manner. "The leaders of the two groups were probably brothers or cousins or something."

Shifu resisted the urge to glare at her, instead voicing the other concern that had been on his mind regarding the bandits. "I cannot help but wonder how the bandits were able to escape detection as they crossed the thread of hope." The clan of cranes who dutifully patrolled the bridge came to mind as he spoke; they were normally quite vigilant.

"Oh, that's easy," Lin replied as casually as if she were explaining how to bake one of her pies. "All you gotta do is disguise yourself as a merchant and his whole, y'know, band. I mean, there were what? A dozen of those crocodiles? A really successful merchant, depending on the area he's from and where he's going, could have twice that many assistants. And they usually stick within their own species, so even that's not unusual. Plus, if he's going on a long trip he might even bring his family... Along..." She trailed off once she finally noticed the way Shifu was staring at her with raised eyebrows.

It took him a few seconds to shake himself out of his stunned silence. "...And how would you know something like that?" He'd known that Lin's past was inevitably shady, but this information that seemed to be so commonplace for her, on top of her seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of all things having to do with bandits... It didn't speak well for her background.

"I, uhm... Uh..." She didn't seem to be able to answer him, either.

And there was another thing, something he'd taken for granted when it had happened. "How did you know the bandit leader's name, anyway?" He had assumed she'd simply overheard it during the battle, the way he'd overheard the name of that inept crocodile she had been tormenting. Now, though, he wasn't so sure.

"I heard one of his lackeys call him that!" she snapped, frowning at the implication. "What, you think I'm some kinda bandit myself? Don't get me wrong, I never had any personal beef with bandits except for those crocodiles-"

"Are you saying that you don't have a problem with bandits?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, no," she answered, though from the way she was squaring her shoulders and setting her jaw, it appeared as though she wasn't going to be in the mood to talk for very much longer.

Still, he needed answers to this revelation; she didn't appear to be lying about not being a bandit herself, but then why would she act so nonchalant about them? And how could she possibly know how to evade detection while entering the Valley of Peace, unless she had done the same herself? "I am waiting for some answers," he informed her bluntly. "Why would you not have a problem with bandits?"

"It's complicated!" she snapped, bristling. It was obvious that the subject was getting close to rather personal information.

"Tell me." He refused to back down, though; he had gone long enough without getting a straight answer from her, and he deserved to know this kind of thing. "And I am not going to let you get away with not answering me- this is _important_, this time. If you can't give me a straight answer, then I _will_ fire you. And I mean that. No more bluffs." He knew that his tone was probably harsher than need be, but he had seen his son in danger once already, and he needed to know that it wouldn't happen again (not until Tai Lung had reached adulthood, anyway).

Lin, though, was as stubborn as ever. "Yeah, sure, no bluffing," she grumbled, rolling her eyes at him.

"Absolutely none," he confirmed. "I have Tai Lung's safety to think about. If you want to stay here, then you'll have to give me one good reason you would feel _any_ sort of leniency toward bandits, and it had better be the truth. Otherwise, injured or not, you will be leaving in the morning." He didn't cross his arms behind his back or tuck his hands into his sleeves as he normally did when speaking authoritatively, but he felt that the situation did not warrant it; he knew that no amount of posturing would ever convince her to speak the truth. However, he hoped that the passion in his voice would convince her.

She locked eyes with him, staring him down for what seemed like minutes, though it was probably only a few moments, then let out a heavy sigh. "I don't like to talk about this kinda stuff, y'know..." She reached up and scratched behind her ear, then continued. "But okay, if you insist. Y'see... How do I put it? Well, eight years ago, I was- I was traveling. Y'know, around." She paused to make a circular gesture with her hand. "Around places and stuff."

"You'll have to be a bit more specific than that to convince me," Shifu informed her, narrowing his eyes in a clear show of suspicion; even after agreeing to tell him the truth, she was still trying to dodge around actually telling him anything, and he didn't like it.

"Yeah, I get it," she huffed. "So anyway, I was traveling. And I was young and kinda... In a bit of a tough spot, y'know." She paused again and cleared her throat, her eyes darting around to look at anything but him. "And I guess you could say that some bandits saved me."

"Huh?" He hadn't expected that, though of course he had no way of knowing whether or not it was the truth. Still, while he had the distinct impression that there was a lot that she was trying to hide, that particular detail did indeed seem to be truthful.

"Well, they didn't mean to. They were actually burning down my, uh, camp. And robbing, erm... Me. They were robbing _me_ blind. But it turned out to help me. It helped me out a lot." Again, she was only telling him as much of the truth as she saw fit. "And besides, bandits mainly target merchants, and I _hate_ merchants." A sudden conviction entered her voice at that as her expression hardened to match it. "They're all scum, all the ones I've met, anyway. At least bandits- most of 'em, that is- have some sort of unspoken code. Merchants, they're worse than thieves- there's no room for anything in their hearts but money, cold hard cash. And that is a _fact_." As she spoke, she had clenched her left hand into a tight fist, shaking at her side. "They are all a bunch of good-for-nothing, selfish, greedy, idiotic, _simpering-_"

"Lin," Shifu finally interrupted, extremely put off by her sudden show of unabashed hatred. "That's enough," was all he could think to say. He'd known that she was capable of anger, but he had never seen her get quite so worked up over anything before. Even when she'd faced the bandits, had barreled headlong into a fight she couldn't win to defend Tai Lung, she had been angry and determined, but not hateful.

"Sorry," she replied, apparently snapping out of her rant and returning to her normal casual attitude. "I just get a little worked up sometimes... Y'know, about _sensitive_ issues."

"If you say 'you know' to me one more time I think I might have an aneurysm," he replied, though amazingly enough he was mainly trying to cheer her up. Where that had come from, he had no clue.

It appeared to work, too, as a small grin formed on her face and she let out a snort of laughter. "Yeah, yeah, real cute." She even gave him a punch in the arm, a surefire sign that her mood was improving.

While he would have liked to keep her that way, they were having this conversation for a reason. And he had yet to ask her his most important question- at least his most important question for the evening. "There's something else I would like to know about."

Her face instantly fell. "Oh." She didn't protest, though, which was a good sign.

"Exactly what were you doing in Shangba? And when? I know you've said that you only passed through, but you seemed... Nervous, almost, when Master Oogway mentioned it. And as for Shanghai- have you really never been there?" He knew that it was a barrage of questions all at once, but he simply wanted to get the interrogation over with.

Surprisingly, she simply shrugged. "I'm afraid there's nothing exciting to tell. I never been to Shanghai, and as for Shangba... I just happened to pass through the place. That's all."

"Then why were you acting so strangely?" he pressed, leaning in closer as he awaited her response.

She was definitely becoming flustered. "Well, I... Uh... The thing is- is..." She trailed off and looked away from him, toward the trees. "You're kinda in my personal space," she grumbled.

He stepped away from her without argument, since there was a chance his compliance would convince her to answer him. "Well?"

With a quiet sigh, she shook her head at him. "If you think I acted nervous back then, it was probably just me being tired or something. I honestly don't remember. Sorry."

He had a feeling that she was straight-out lying, but once again he could see that he wasn't going to be able to extract any more information from her than that, at least not for the night. "I see," he answered judiciously. "So you're just an ordinary cook."

"Well, I like to think of myself as a little unique." Her tone lightened up to its usual amused lilt, further confirming that she would not be answering any more questions. "I mean, _ordinary_ just sounds so boring."

"You really should learn some humility," he pointed out. "Pride always comes before a fall."

She let out a bark of laughter at his lecture, and a note of bitterness entered her voice. "You have no idea."

Shifu blinked back at her, curious as to what she was referencing. He truly _did_ have no idea about her past, even after their discussion; he had always thought that persistence won the day, but he was starting to think that Lin's resolve was even greater than his own. "You could enlighten me," he suggested slowly, though he doubted his words would reach her.

"Ah, it's nothing," she predictably dismissed, shrugging. "I'm just being a whiny little bitch. I don't got that much to complain about, really."

He wondered if that were really true. "Alright, then." He wasn't going to push his luck, though. Perhaps what he needed to get the information he wanted from her was just a little more subtlety. While subtlety wasn't exactly his strong point, it was at least worth a try.

"Hey," she suddenly said, and slapped him in the arm to get his attention. "Listen up."

"I'm listening," he grumbled, leaning away from her in case she tried to hit him again.

"Y'know, I liked you without knowing anything about your past or even your motivations, and I trusted you without knowing that stuff, too," she went on, apparently simply for the sake of telling him.

He felt himself blush just a little, because he was embarrassed that she was capable of something that he was not, and because he was also embarrassed to hear that she truly did like and trust him, as much as she poked fun at him and intentionally got on his nerves.

"That being said, there's something I gotta tellya," she admitted. "Oogway told me about how he met you. About your whole... Family-village-childhood... Stuff."

Shifu blinked back at her, stunned by the admission. While he knew that Master Oogway had a reason, a _good_ reason for everything, he couldn't help the surge of anger and resentment at knowing that his master would so willingly offer up such a personal and painful part of his life to her.

But, unexpectedly, she gave him a brief and gentle pat on the shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, and from her tone of voice she must have meant it.

He couldn't recall having ever heard those words from her mouth, not with sincerity, at least. "W-what...?" He shook his head, and with some effort he managed to get over his shock enough to work out a coherent response. "You don't have to say that. All of that happened a long time ago, and I try not to dwell on it..." He trailed off as he realized that she'd once again made her point about her past, and then he became truly furious, because she had used his most painful memory against him in a petty argument. He stopped in his tracks and turned to shout at her, but she cut him short.

"Look, that's not what I meant," she said, still sounding reasonable and understanding. "I mean I'm sorry that I let Oogway tell me that. I'm sorry that I know it. Because I know you don't want me to, or at least I wouldn't want me to if I were you."

His rage died down as he realized he'd completely misinterpreted what she'd said, and he blushed again, this time out of shame. "It's fine," he muttered, then turned away from her and continued to walk. He found it hard to believe that she'd had ammunition against him, information she could have used to further her argument, but hadn't. That she'd actually _apologized_ to him for even having such information to begin with. Yet she had.

"For what it's worth," she spoke up again, "I understand why you don't like to talk about it."

He eyed her suspiciously, waiting for some kind of hook or joke, but nothing came. "...Thank you," he finally answered, though a little curtly. He waited for her to continue, to try to get him to actually talk to her about it- after all, Master Oogway had done so an innumerable amount of times, though not successfully. "You're not going to ask me about it?" He realized that he sounded impatient, but he wanted to get the exchange over with.

She shrugged, once again catching him off-guard. "Nope. I'm the kinda girl who likes to follow her own philosophies, if it's all the same to you." Whether she meant that it wouldn't be fair of her to ask when she refused to answer so many of his own questions or whether she simply didn't care, he couldn't tell.

An idea _did_ occur to him, though, and he went ahead and tested it. "So... If I were to simply volunteer such information, would you do the same for me?" He wouldn't actually go through with telling her, of course, but he was curious as to what her answer would be.

"Nope." She gave him a supposedly friendly punch on the arm. "Sorry, big guy, but I ain't talking."

He narrowed his eyes at her a moment. "...That is the first time in my life I have ever been called 'big guy,' by anyone."

She started laughing at the admission, and for once the sound didn't grate on his nerves. "Y'know, you really crack me up sometimes!" Judging by who it was coming from, the statement was most likely a compliment.

"And you have quite an impressive side punch for a beginner," he returned.

"Wow, don't lay it on too thick, there," she teased. "I dunno how you stayed a bachelor so long with that kinda arsenal. _Yowza_."

He rolled his eyes at her, though he had to admit that there was less utter loathing and frustration in the gesture than usual. "Do me a favor and never use the word 'yowza' in my presence again. I wouldn't want to lose any more brain cells than I already have just from hearing it uttered aloud."

She laughed at him again at that, and he just crossed his arms while he waited for her to calm down. "Aw, don't look so offended," she commented lightly when she caught sight of him. "Y'know, as easily amused as I am, it ain't often that I meet people who make me laugh as much as you can."

"I'll assume that was meant as a compliment." He blinked at her, surprised that she hadn't followed up with an insult, then lapsed into silence as they picked their way along the circuitous path, toward the back entrance of the barracks. For once, though, the silence wasn't awkward- not entirely, anyway. He felt as though they'd lapsed into some sort of unusual companionship, one that was definitely fragile and bound to be short-lived, but at least for the moment it was relatively peaceful.

He spared another glance in Lin's direction, only to see her staring up at the sky, a small smile on her face. It wasn't her usual smug smirk or sarcastic grin, though; she was genuinely smiling, an expression of simple happiness on her face. He briefly considered pointing this out to her, and urging her to do so more often, for the expression lit up her features in a way he'd never seen before. For the first time ever, she actually looked approachable. However, he knew that if he ever said anything of the like she'd snap his head off for it. He realized that he was staring at her, and felt somewhat disgusted at the thought that he must look like some sort of love struck idiot, when that was far from the truth.

He would have torn his gaze away then, but she suddenly lurched forward, having tripped over a root that had grown across the path. Shifu reacted with his usual speed and managed to catch her around the waist before she fell flat on her face, though he soon found himself regretting it. With a loud squawk the likes of which he had never heard from anyone's mouth, not even an actual bird's, she twisted around in his arms and flailed helplessly for a moment before latching onto his ear and yanking. "Ack!" He almost dropped her at that, but she let go of his ear in favor of wrapping her arm securely around his shoulders.

"I'm okay!" she needlessly informed him as she managed to get herself back onto her feet, using him as a support.

"Well _I'm_ not," he snapped. "Get off of me!"

"Sorry," she quickly apologized as she finally let go, then reached out and tugged his rumpled collar back into place. "There! You're, uh, good to go. Now." She cleared her throat, a definite blush working its way into her face as she turned away and continued walking. She had good reason to be embarrassed, of course, but it was off-putting that she was brushing the incident off so easily.

He reached up to rub at his sore right ear, narrowing his eyes at her back as he followed. "You're welcome," he grumbled at her, hoping he sounded as offended as he felt.

"Thanks," she tossed over her shoulder in the most nonchalant tone possible, though he was certain that she was still blushing.

"And try to watch where you're going, now," he prodded, taking some satisfaction from the knowledge that he would be intensifying her embarrassment. "These ears are very useful, I would hate to lose them."

"Yeah, I get it," she snapped back. "I'm a dumbass, I readya loud and clear."

"For someone who makes fun of others so much, you certainly seem to have a problem with taking a joke yourself." He sped up a bit to catch up to her, though he didn't get too close- just in case her bad mood stuck.

"Yeah, well... Whatever." She was still a little red in the face, but it actually suited her- she looked rather cute like that, her mouth turned down into a scowl.

Shifu took another step away from her, shocked at himself for even thinking such a thing; was he really so deprived of female contact that he would actually view Lin as anything other than an annoyance? Apparently, he was. He _had_ admitted- to her face, no less- that he did care for her to an extent, but it wasn't as if that actually _meant_ something. "So," he said, just to try to completely forget the horrific train of thought he'd stumbled into, "the stars are... Out. Tonight." He realized that he sounded idiotic, but at least it was a form of distraction.

"Oh yeah?" She raised her eyebrows at him, then glanced up at the sky. "What tipped you off?" Her embarrassment had apparently worn off, since she didn't sound angry, and looked amused at his lame attempt at small talk. "Y'know, where I come from we call the brightest star in the sky the _dog_ star," she went on smugly, grinning at the implication.

"How interesting," he replied sarcastically. "Is that because all the dogs where you are from are full of hot air?"

"No, not quite... But they _did_ like to eat red pandas."

"Oh, so _now_ you remember what species I am."

"And use their pelts in rituals, too."

"You are devoid of boundaries, aren't you?" He'd known that already, of course.

Lin just laughed at him and his disbelief in the face of her complete lack of tact. "Hey, you're the one who started it. Besides, boundaries aren't good for a free spirit such as myself."

"That last statement was so ridiculous in itself that I do not even need to insult it." He realized as he spoke that they were approaching the back entrance of the barracks, which consisted of a narrow staircase leading up to a relatively discreet door. The staircase was only wide enough to admit one of them at a time (unless he wanted to walk arm-in-arm with her, which he most certainly did not). "After you," he offered in the spirit of the amiable mood they'd somehow established.

"No, you don't hafta do that," she immediately refused, and even took a step back. "Besides, I never go in the back- you should go first in case the door's stuck or something."

"But if you fall again- which, let's face it, is inevitable- I won't be able to catch you," he argued, though after the last debacle he didn't know why he would want to catch her again.

"I'll be fine," she huffed, apparently offended that he'd suggested she would need his help. "I was fine before I had you around to grope me every time I tripped, and I'll be fine now. So get a move on."

"_I_ was not the one doing the groping," he shot back, but conceded and headed up the stairs first; he had a feeling that if he didn't they would be stuck out there arguing all night.

"Oh please, don't flatter yourself." She sounded a bit distracted, though, which worried him. For all he knew, she could be planning to play some kind of horrific practical joke on him.

He looked back to check on her, and she only roused his suspicion further by quickly turning away to avoid his gaze. "What are you doing back there?" he snapped, narrowing his eyes.

"Nothing!" She sounded far too defensive to be innocent. "What'd you think I was doing, eh? Checking out your fat ass? Ha!" She was definitely hiding something. "You're _dumb_."

Shifu stopped walking immediately and turned around to face her, crossing his arms. "You're up to something," he pointed out flatly. "So you get in front of me _right now_."

"I wasn't-"

"_Now_." He stepped aside to give her room to pass him, watching her carefully to make sure she didn't try anything; no matter how benign she'd seemed all night, he was not about to let her trick him.

"Fine," she grumbled, a rather childish note of disappointment in her voice. "Just to let you know, though, I _wasn't_ gonna do anything." She managed to sidle past him without incident, though whether that in itself was reason to worry or not he honestly couldn't tell. "And don't _you_ try anything, either," she ordered as she continued up the stairs.

"I must admit, the urge to push you is rather tempting." He realized that his attempt at making a joke had sounded more like a threat than anything else, and felt heat rise to his face from embarrassment. "Not that I ever _would_," he corrected quickly.

"God, you are just _so_ charming," she sighed ahead of him, though she did sound amused. And she actually made it to the top of the stairs without falling over, and on top of that tugged the door open without incident. After they had entered the barracks, she turned around and indicated herself with a flourish, then sarcastically pronounced, "Ta-_da!_"

"Congratulations," he replied. "You functioned normally for a few minutes of your short life."

"Indeed I did," she agreed proudly, "and I'd like a reward."

He didn't like the sound of that. "What would that be, exactly?"

"I still need to clean up the kitchen. And I only got _one_ arm to do it with, plus I'm just _so_ tired from all your questions and that walk..." She shot him a falsely innocent smile and batted her eyelashes at him.

"I will _not_ clean up for you _again_," he grumbled, though she _was_ being truthful about her injured arm slowing her down and making her routine much more difficult than it needed to be. He supposed he could help her, as he had been attempting to do so earlier, and she was in a much better mood than she'd been in for the past few days. "...But I will help you."

"I know," she had the nerve to say, then grabbed his arm and tugged him down the hallway; her grip was much stronger than he would have expected, as if she thought he might try to escape. He soon found out why when she informed him of what she had in mind. "After we finish up the dishes, I'll wipe down the table and the countertops while _you_ drain and clean out the wash basin. And make sure you scrub it good, otherwise it'll start to smell like _ass_."

He should have left her to clean up on her own and spent the rest of his evening meditating. He _should_ have, and yet he hadn't, and now found himself faced with the possibility of smelling like "ass" for the rest of the night. Although he did not yet see how, he supposed that it could have been worse.

"And I'll just warn you ahead of time that I didn't get around to cleaning it yesterday, so you're gonna hafta put some elbow grease into it to get that curry out."

Then again, perhaps not.

* * *

A/N: And slowly but surely, the romance is happening! It's a testament to exactly _how_ slowly that when I wrote this chapter I thought to myself, "Am I going too fast?" Then I realized that this is chapter 19 and you all are probably ready to kill me. Well, now that the ball is (finally) rolling, things are going to progress. Still slowly, though.

Also, as you may have already known, nian gao is rice (sometimes glutinous rice, sometimes not) pounded into a paste, then formed into a log and sliced into rounds. Cooked, it resembles a type of noodle, and it can be served in either a sweet or a savory dish. Plus, it is _delicious_.

Anyway, the next chapter is going to be fun- for me, at least. Assuming I don't have to split in half and then end up with a mammoth chapter in the end anyway. So, among other events, Lin will introduce Shifu to one of her favorite pastimes. And Oogway will say some wise stuff, and Tai Lung will be cute. You know, the usual.


	20. Life is Too Short to Drink Bad Wine

A/N: Get ready for this epic opening scene- you guys are finally going to get to witness one of Lin and Oogway's morning chats. Which are actually not really epic. Oh, and I finally got my chapter length under control. Hooray! Anyway- I know I'm getting repetitive but you readers/reviewers really keep me going. Thanks! And enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: Never owned KFP, never will.

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Chapter 20: Life is Too Short to Drink Bad Wine

* * *

Lin yawned loudly as she trudged up the stairs leading to the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. For the past couple of days she had been contemplating the conversation she'd had with Shifu, which had led to some sleepless nights- more so than usual, anyway. There had been something between them that night, something that had never been there before. She couldn't quite put her finger on _what_, though. Maybe there actually was a friendship budding between them, however dysfunctional and enraging it could be. Or maybe she had simply let her attraction get the better of her. It was just her luck that she seemed to have a thing for short, pudgy middle-aged men with big ears. And adorable whiskers. And those blue eyes didn't help, either. She hated to admit it, but she was an absolute sucker for blue eyes. Not to mention his sarcastic wit, his hilariously short temper, the way he grunted in surprise whenever he tasted something he _really_ liked for the first time...

She stopped short just as she reached the top of the stairs, as she suddenly realized exactly _what_ she had been thinking, and _who_ she had been thinking it about. "I'm so royally screwed," she groaned. Although, maybe if she simply stopped there and didn't acknowledge it, even in her own mind, it wouldn't count.

"I am sorry to hear that," Oogway informed her from where he was performing his morning tai chi under the peach tree. "The sun has not even risen yet, and already you are screwed? Well, at least your day can only get better from here."

"Not likely," she huffed pessimistically as she approached the tree and began to climb it to collect her daily ration of peaches. Going was a little tougher with only one arm, but she'd be damned if she let a little thing like that get between her and the best peaches she'd ever tasted.

"Life is what you make of it, Lin," he replied serenely as he crouched down low and slowly moved his arms in a semi-circle in front of him. "If you believe that good things will happen, then good things will happen."

"Y'know, I tried that once." She managed to scramble up into the third row of branches, where some very ripe peaches awaited her. She could smell their deliciously sweet scent wafting halfway across the grounds, and just thinking of how juicy they must be made her mouth water. "And guess what happened."

"What?" A note of amusement entered his voice; he probably knew what was coming.

"_Bad shit_ happened," she answered, then picked her first peach of the morning. She brought it up to her nose and inhaled deeply, allowing the sweet smell to relax her. "But I guess you kinda got a point. Sure, I'll probably have a crappy day. But at least I got the little things to keep me happy." She grinned as she imagined herself biting into the peach, savoring every inch of its juicy flesh right in front of Shifu, and the irritated scowl that would inevitably appear on his face.

Oogway's soft chuckle snapped her out of the daydream. "You are easily pleased, aren't you?"

"Oh, you have no idea." She rolled her eyes at herself, and the fact that the thought of annoying Shifu had gotten her so incredibly jazzed. She continued to pick peaches as they fell into a companionable silence and she tried very hard not to contemplate the unpredictable turn her life had taken. It had only been a couple of months ago that things had been, if not uncomplicated, then at least manageable. She'd known where she stood, what to expect, and where to go. She'd known what she'd wanted and how to get it. And somehow, that had all disappeared from the very first moment she'd stepped foot in the Valley of Peace.

She looked down at Oogway and watched him calmly go through his tai chi routine; he always seemed so sure of everything, so completely unfazed. Maybe she should take him up on his offer to talk about something heavier than their normal banter. It couldn't hurt, anyway. "Hey. That offer to, y'know, talk about stuff... Is that still open?"

"Of course it is." He turned and smiled up at her as he stepped out to the side, extending his leg much farther than she'd thought possible.

"Well... I dunno. I just been feeling kinda lost, lately." She momentarily gave up her peach-picking and stretched out to lay on her stomach across the branch she'd been sitting on, resting her chin on her good arm. "I feel like my life isn't really my life anymore, 'cause nothing's really... What I'm used to. It's all so _weird."_ She let out a low sigh and stared despondently out over the valley as she tried to find the right words. "I wish I could be sure of myself. Sure of _anything_ in my whole freaking life."

Oogway paused in his exercises and blinked at her, then snorted in amusement. And then he said something that made her do a double-take. "Same here."

"Say _what?_" She couldn't help but be shocked at that; after all, Oogway was nearly a thousand years old. She'd thought someone who'd been around for that long would've had it all figured out- and he certainly _acted_ as though he did. "Wait a minute. This is going to be something wise and profound, isn't it?"

"I am afraid so." He gave an apologetic shrug, then went on. "That is life, I am afraid. There is no way of being sure of anything. But we manage. Sometimes, it is nice to not be so sure."

"Yeah, I guess." Even as the words left her mouth, she remembered the words she had spoken to Tai Lung, that conversation they'd had on the roof of the barracks that seemed like ages ago. Never guess- _know_. And even though it really wasn't all that long ago, she felt like a different person than the one who had said those words. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. "Y'know what?"

"What?" He seemed to sense that she'd been somewhat comforted, and returned to his routine.

"Maybe I'm not sure of a lotta things. But you're right. Where's the fun in always knowing what's coming?" It was then that she remembered a bit of wisdom from her grandmother, something she should have remembered from the very beginning. "I just gotta be sure of who I am. Then I'll be good to go."

"That's the spirit."

Even though the pep talk had cheered her up, she was now faced with another problem. In order to be sure of who she was, she needed to acknowledge and accept every aspect of herself- the good and the bad. Which meant that she needed to acknowledge and, unfortunately, accept her feelings as well. "There's just one problem."

"What would that be?" He still sounded calm, as if nothing she said could possibly surprise him.

"I got a boner for Shifu," she admitted.

He faltered in his smooth motions, lurching forward as his eyes widened a bit. Then, he completely dropped his stance and stared up at her, a vague look of consternation on his face. "Really?"

"Yeah," she groaned, burying her face in her arm and letting out an annoyed grunt. "Don't ask me why or _how_. I can't even fathom it myself. All I know is, a full-bodied wine and a handful of that ass wouldn't be a bad way to end the day." She couldn't even believe she'd just said that. "I must have a thing for fat doofuses."

"It would appear so."

The fact that she had not laughed at Oogway's implication that he also thought Shifu was a fat doofus proved just how unsettled she was. "There's more," she grumbled as she finally lifted her head from her forearm and managed to face him.

"Oh dear." He seemed to have completely given up his tai chi, and was staring expectantly up at her, waiting for her to go on.

"I think there're... Emotions involved as well." She could have really used a drink in that moment.

"You mean... You have a crush?" He didn't sound accusing, or even that curious; he sounded as though he were a doctor simply trying to diagnose a problem.

She really did _not_ want to answer that. But she had to. It would be good for her... Inner growth and such. She would feel _better_ if she just stopped denying it and said it out loud. "...Yeah," she finally said, in an incredibly strained voice.

He didn't answer her at first; in fact, he looked contemplative, as if he were really considering the implications of what she'd just told him. Either that, or he was thinking of some way to tell her that she was being totally ridiculous. Then, he licked his lips, opened his mouth and said, "Interesting."

"That's _it?_" She realized that she had no reason to be so testy, but still... A thousand years worth of knowledge and wisdom, and that was all he had to say on the matter? "This isn't _interesting_, it's horrific! It's the worst thing that's happened to me since- since-"

"You fled Shanghai?" he offered.

"Yeah! Since that!" She let her good arm fall off the side of the branch and dangle loosely below her. "I dunno what to do."

"I have an idea." He paused, then shot a wry smile up at her. "You could tell him how you feel."

"You're loving this, aren't you?"

"Every moment," he confirmed.

"Just kill me," she implored, then once again buried her face in her arm. "I might as well be dead. I mean, it doesn't get much worse 'an this. I should know, I been through it before. After three years, you'd think I'd learn my lesson. You'd think I'd freaking grow up already!" She had thought that she'd outgrown such foolishness, but apparently not. Apparently not even logic could override pheromones. "I must be _insane_."

"No arguments here." That had not been Oogway's voice. It had not even been _close_ to Oogway's voice.

Lin felt her blood literally run cold as she slowly lifted her head and stared down at Shifu, who was standing at the top of the steps; with his huge ears he must have heard a good deal of the conversation. She had never felt so utterly _doomed_ in her entire life. All she could do was stare, her mouth slightly open, as the blood completely drained from her face.

Oogway looked vaguely surprised to see him, too, though that surprise soon faded to an expression of distinct interest. "How good of you to join our conversation, old friend."

"Master," he greeted with a respectful bow. Then, once he'd straightened up, he narrowed his eyes at Lin. "_What?_"

She tried to gulp, but there was no saliva left in her mouth. Still, she managed to rasp out a reply. "H-How much did you hear?"

"Apparently you would like someone to kill you," he told her. "Which explains a lot."

"Wait- nothing before that?" She could feel her heart begin to beat again as a glimmer of hope shimmered before her.

"No, I don't make it a habit to eavesdrop," he snapped, though he spoke with complete sincerity. Then, he sarcastically added, "But thank you for implying that I do."

She had never been so relieved in her life. "_Yes!_" she shouted, then let her head fall back onto the branch with a painful thud. "That was better than an orgasm."

Shifu looked confused and alarmed at her behavior. "Please tell me what I just did so that I may never repeat it again."

Meanwhile, Oogway simply laughed and shook his head. "You are one lucky dog."

Lin decided that it would be best to distract Shifu from what had just happened, just to be sure. "Hey, anyone got suggestions for breakfast? I don't wanna make rice porridge again, and I'm kinda stumped."

"Don't look at me," Oogway replied, and picked up his staff from where he'd leaned it against the tree. "I have not been near a stove or an oven in over a hundred years- that peach pie not withstanding."

"C'mon, Pudge." She turned to Shifu, resisting the urge to smile at how irritated he looked at the nickname. "You got something in mind, right?"

"_Not_ those peaches, for one," he huffed, crossing his arms. "And you should not be climbing trees to begin with, in your current condition."

"Don't be such a grandma. Oogway was here, he coulda caught me if I fell. Or are you just mad that someone else took your job? I could fall outta here on purpose, if you wanna feel useful." She realized belatedly that her taunting was far too flirtatious for her own liking, but she simply gave her normal smug grin and hoped that he was as dense as always.

"I can't guarantee that I will _attempt_ to catch you, but go ahead." He didn't seem to notice.

"If you will excuse me," Oogway interrupted, and headed for the stairs. "I think I should get out of here before the sexual tension in the air becomes too thick for me to breathe." With a wink, he was gone.

Lin tried not to let the comment faze her, but she could already feel the heat rising in her face. She comforted herself with the fact that Shifu had turned a bit red as well, though probably only because someone had said the word "sexual" within his range of hearing.

He was actually the one to break the awkward silence that had followed the statement. "I... I think I just vomited a little bit into my mouth."

"_You_ just vomited in your mouth? How d'you think _I_ feel? I might as well skip breakfast, that was a meal in itself!" She let out a derisive laugh and tried not to let his comment get to her too much; this was the kind of thing they said to each other all the time. It was just a joke.

"You horrify me." He eyed her for a moment, which made her just a little uncomfortable. "Are you getting down from there any time soon? Or am I going to have to go up there and rescue you?"

She threw a peach at him in response to that particular jab. "I toldya I could handle this. How's about you concentrate your big head on thinking up something to make for breakfast?" She finally sat up and stretched, letting out a quiet yawn.

"My head is not big," he grumbled, then turned a bit red again, and turned away to examine the ground. His behavior was just a little strange, but she decided not to comment; after all, she was telling the truth about her indecision over breakfast, and if she started a fight with him, he'd never give her a suggestion. "...What about those breakfast dumplings?" he finally asked. "You... You like those, right?"

She narrowed her eyes at him as she realized exactly what was going on. "I can see right through you," she informed him. "I know what's going on in that mind of yours."

"You do?" He sounded a bit panicked, and he finally turned to face her again, a resolute look on his face. "I- I know what you must be thinking-"

"Stow it." She held out her hand to silence him, enjoying her position of power a little too much. "The only reason you came up here to begin with was 'cause you wanted those dumplings again. Admit it. They're your _favorite_."

He blinked up at her, looking momentarily confused, then slowly nodded his head. "Yes," he finally admitted. "You are exactly right. Completely. That is one hundred percent true."

"I'm _always_ right. The sooner you internalize that, the better." She grabbed one last peach and dropped it into her bag, then began her descent from the peach tree. "But I'll make those dumplings for you. They're pretty easy, and Tai Lung likes 'em too. But you're gonna hafta pay the price- cleanup duty." She managed to make it to the ground without incident, which was a relief since she could see from the way Shifu had tensed that he was expected her to fall.

"Very well," he agreed, surprisingly. "But you'll have to wear your weight."

"Fine." She shoved her bag of peaches into his arms, then headed for the kitchen. "Come with me, _assistant_." There was just something so wonderful about calling him that, even though he was more in the way than anything else when it came to cooking. Still, it was nice to have someone else on cleanup duty. "And don't let me catch you sneaking tastes again."

"That was _one time_. And you should not forget that you still need to run through your morning exercises."

She had a feeling that she was going to need a very big drink by the end of the day.

* * *

"Inner peace. I-Inner peace. _Inner peace_." Shifu gritted his teeth as he attempted to calm himself enough to meditate properly, but he had been at it for half an hour already, and he had a feeling that it simply was not going to work. "_Inner_ peace." Scratch that. He _knew_ that it was not going to work.

With a heavy sigh he opened his eyes and slumped forward, glaring balefully at the candles in front of him. He had been in turmoil for the past couple of days, ever since that night he'd questioned Lin. While he would have liked to simply ignore what was happening to him, such an action was not in his nature. He had always been the kind of person to face his problems head on, but this particular problem was one that he had been having extreme difficulty facing. Not only did it disturb him on a deep, personal level, but the cause simply eluded him no matter how he tried to pinpoint it.

That night, after he'd finished speaking to Lin and had gone to bed, he'd simply been unable to fall asleep. He'd tossed and turned fitfully all night, with no real reason as to why. He had concluded that he'd had too much on his mind, seeing as he had been unable to stop thinking about their conversation. In fact, ever since that night he had been thinking about Lin- after all, there were just as many unanswered questions weighing on his mind as ever, and some new ones had been raised as well. For instance, he wondered what the source of her hatred for merchants could possibly be; there was no way she simply hated them on principle. He was also curious about her vague story about the bandits raiding her camp- surely she had been traveling with someone, since no group of bandits in their right minds would put so much energy into ransacking a single person's camp.

Even though these concerns weighed heavily on his mind, there had been times when he had found himself actually thinking about Lin herself, about what she did in her spare time or about what she would have to say on a certain subject. He spent enough of his day with her as it was, and now she was invading the few moments of peace he actually _did_ have. He knew that the best way to deal with his frustration would be to meditate to calm himself, but no matter how he tried he simply could not. He had attempted to talk with Master Oogway about the issue, but the old master's response to his explanation of the problem had been, "Shifu, you are thirty-seven years old. Surely you know by now what a _crush_ is." Of course, Oogway was only blunt and direct at precisely the wrong time.

Obviously, his master had just been teasing him; it must have been his way of telling Shifu to relax. Although, Master Oogway's comment earlier in the day about "sexual tension" had most decidedly _not_ contributed toward that goal. Shifu cringed just at the notion of his master _saying_ something like that, let alone it being directed toward him and _Lin_, of all people. He admitted that he had developed a certain concern for her well-being, and even on some level enjoyed their usual banter; he would even admit (though only to himself) that he had developed a sense of amicability toward her, and since their talk had begun to see her as less of a nuisance and more of a peer.

Still, none of those things added up to attraction in any sense of the word. Sure, her smile had a tendency to light up the room, and he supposed her big brown eyes and thick lashes could be considered pretty- but that did not necessarily mean that he found her attractive. For starters, she had entirely too much fur; she looked like a dandelion, one with a gigantic, curly, fluffy tail. And she always had bags under her eyes from her glaring lack of sleep. Then there was that little fang that always stuck out of the left side of her mouth- he didn't care how cute it happened to be, it was still a snaggletooth. On top of all that, she carried herself and dressed in a glaringly masculine way. Obviously, there could never be anything even bordering on sexual tension between them.

He cursed to himself as he realized that he was sitting alone in his room, thinking about a woman whose mere presence was enough to enrage him. "I need to get out more," he concluded sourly, then stood up and stretched out his legs and back. It was getting rather late, and he was not about to toss and turn all night over such a trivial matter. If he couldn't meditate, then perhaps some tea would soothe his frazzled nerves. At least, he thought that tea would soothe his frazzled nerves until he actually got to the kitchen.

_Of course_ Lin was there; she spent almost all of her time either in the kitchen or napping under the peach tree. He didn't know why he expected any different. He hesitated, teetering on indecision as he peered into the kitchen; if he were to judge by experience, his chances of catching her in a good mood were about fifty/fifty. And bad moods aside, he felt rather strange being around her after he'd just been thinking about her in such a way. Still, he wanted tea.

She started humming some tune he couldn't recognize, though it sounded simple and cheerful, like a children's rhyme- meaning that she was most likely in a good mood. She clapped a couple of times as she hummed and climbed up onto the countertop to rummage through the cabinets for something, and finished up the tune with increased exuberance as she found what she'd been looking for: a bottle of amber liquid. She then tore out the cork with her teeth and proceeded to take a long swig of the stuff.

"Are you _drinking?_" He forgot all about his reservations in his anger and walked into the kitchen, crossing his arms as he glared up at where she was still perched on the counter.

She raised her eyebrows at him, then took another drink from the bottle. "Are you spying on me?" she shot back incredulously.

"No!" he snapped. "I came in here for tea!" He couldn't believe that she had the nerve to drink in the barracks, when Tai Lung was sleeping right down the hall. "And instead I found _you!_"

"That's too bad." She sat down on the countertop with a loud sigh. "Sounds like you're having a stressful evening. Want some?"

"No! Of course not!" He was not about to stand around and let her make fun of him; this was one rule that he was putting his foot down on. "Now put that alcohol away."

"Nah," she replied, then drank from the bottle again.

Shifu was done arguing; he simply marched up to her, grabbed hold of the bottle, and tore it from her grasp. "You are never to drink _anywhere_ on the grounds again- is that clear?"

She glared down at him, then grabbed for the bottle; he was too fast for her, of course, and pulled it out of her reach just in time. "Don't you _dare_ pour that out!" she snapped, then hopped off the counter and went for the bottle again. "Liquor's expensive, y'know!"

"Then you should not have bought it in the first place," he replied, raising the bottle high above his head; he may not have been that much taller than her, but she would need to practically climb on top of him to reach it, which was something she would never do.

Lin's scowl deepened as she glared at him. "I don't make a lotta money, y'know. If you wanna throw that out, you're paying me for it."

"Not likely," he scoffed.

"I'm serious. I will strangle you with my bare hands." She paused to glance down at her sling. "..._Hand_," she corrected.

"If you are attempting to intimidate me, it is not working." He did not drop his guard; he knew that most of her threats were empty, although he had a feeling that dinner for the next few nights was going to be rather spicy. "I will not let you drink here at the Jade Palace at any time, for _any_ reason- do you understand me?"

She continued to glare at him a moment, then suddenly blinked and relaxed a bit; he could practically see the gears turning in her head. She'd just thought of a brand new way to torment him, he knew it. "Y'know what? Yeah, I _do_ understand you."

"What are you going to do?" he asked quickly, and despite his best effort not to back down, he still took a step back.

She took another step toward him, a grin slowly spreading across her face. "Nothing," she lied, then reached out and poked him in the stomach. "Cork up that bottle and put it back- I still wanna cook with it."

"You cook with this stuff?" He wrinkled his nose at the idea; it smelled horrific.

"'Course I do. It was in that soup I made that one time, y'know, with the scallions and the little wontons-"

"_What?_ You can't put this into something you are serving to _my son!_"

"Oh, relax. The alcohol cooks off, anyone who knows anything about cooking'll tell you that. Now put the bottle away, we got a big night ahead of us." With that, she turned around and headed for the door.

"Wait!" He decided that he would have to dispose of her liquor some other time, and quickly corked the bottle and returned it to the cabinet before going after her. He managed to catch up to Lin at the bottom of the barracks stairs, but she didn't even slow down for him. "Where are you going?" He wasn't planning on following her around all night, but he at least wanted to make sure she wasn't going to do anything stupid.

"To a bar." She ran her fingers through her fur, then sniffed her uninjured armpit.

"You can't go to a bar! You're injured! What if something happens?" He realized that he sounded rather overprotective, but it was better than letting her go off galavanting all night.

The look she gave him was completely deadpan. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am!" He got in front of her to block her from leaving. "I will not, I _can not_ allow you to put yourself in danger." He crossed his arms and glared at her, to make it absolutely clear that he was not so easily dismissed.

She simply rolled her eyes at him. "Sure, I'm in danger. That's why I got you here to _escort_ me, mister big strong kung fu master! 'Cause I ain't sitting around in front of a buncha scented candles like you do all night."

"It's called _meditation_," he grumbled, offended.

"Y'know what I call it? Boring. So c'mon, we're gonna go grab some drinks." She suddenly reached out and grabbed him by the hand, then gave him a yank. "Time's a-wasting!"

"W-wait!" He had gotten so flustered at being manhandled by her that he actually _allowed_ her to drag him along with her. "I don't drink," he argued weakly as he felt a blush rising to his face- out of embarrassment, of course; not only was it humiliating to allow himself to be treated in such a way by his own cook, but he noted grudgingly that her hands were larger than his.

"Everybody drinks," she argued immediately. "And I know you wanna come with me. Admit it! You're curious." She glanced back at him and pursed her lips in an expression that was halfway between amused and exasperated. "You're dressed kinda fancy, but whatever, it's acceptable."

"What?" He couldn't tell whether that was an insult or not.

"We're just going to a dive. You really think I frequent any _nice_ places? On _my_ salary? Hah!"

He supposed that he _should_ go along with her, just to make sure that she didn't injure herself any further. After all, she was nearly done healing, and he would hate to have to look after her for any longer than necessary. He doubted that he would be able to actually stop her from going down into the village, anyway; if he did, she would just sneak off later in the night after he'd fallen asleep. And, even though it was the last thing he wanted to admit, he knew that if he stayed behind he would worry about her.

"Don't embarrass me, though," she warned. "I can already tell you're gonna be a lightweight, so try to make it look like you're drinking more 'an you actually are."

He honestly didn't understand _why_ he worried about her, but he did. "I won't be drinking at all."

She barked out a loud laugh. "Good one! Now, whaddaya know about drinking?"

"That it's horrible for you."

"I got a lot to tell you on the way there, then. First off, you gotta know how to avoid throwing up, which is my speci-al-i-ty, since I come from a family of vomiters."

He briefly contemplated gnawing his own arm off to get away. However, he had somehow gotten himself into such a mess, and he would have to deal with it. Besides, how bad could it possibly be?

* * *

Tai Lung went through his morning routine as usual, yawning loudly as he made his bed; he had already swept his room and stretched in preparation for the day's training, and the morning gong would soon be sounding. He rushed a little bit more than he should have, but if he was even slightly late, Master Shifu would _not_ be happy. And since Master Shifu had been unhappy in general lately, he wasn't going to take any chances.

He could understand why, though- as much as he liked Lin, she was still a girl, and girls were host to a number of diseases (the dreaded cootie being the most famous of the germs); he would be upset, too, if he had a crush on a girl. Although, as far as girls went, Lin was about as cool as it got. Sure, she didn't know kung fu, but that didn't stop her from fighting- and she was funny, too, and knew pretty much everything about everything, and her cooking was _really_ good. Besides, she liked Master Shifu back, so there was really no reason for him to be so bent out of shape all the time.

Or maybe Master Shifu was just nervous, because his crush on Lin was supposed to be a secret. Tai Lung could understand that, too. However, if it was supposed to be a secret, he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it. He was always making excuses to be near her and staring at her and muttering angrily under his breath about her. It was unfortunate, sure, what with girls being gross and all, but he wasn't doing himself any favors.

The morning gong rang just as Tai Lung was finishing up with his bed, and he leaped to his feet and stepped out the door, standing ramrod straight in the hallway as always, and said, "Good morning, Master."

He was greeted by complete silence.

He took the chance of glancing toward the end of the hallway, and found that there was no one standing there. "Master?" he called out, just in case Master Shifu was right around the corner.

There was no answer.

This had never happened before. He was starting to get a little nervous; if Master Shifu hadn't come to greet him at the morning gong, then something really monumental must have happened. He hesitated to leave his doorway- after all, he might get in trouble- but decided that it was worth it. He knew exactly who to go to for answers, too: Lin. If something big had happened, she would know about it, and even better, she was easy to find. Besides, he was getting really hungry.

However, it was clear once he stepped foot in the kitchen that nothing horrible had happened, because Lin was making breakfast as she always did, albeit with a slightly more cheerful bounce in her step than usual. "G'morning, kid," she greeted happily. "Guess who got ahold of some eggs this morning!"

"You went all the way down to the village this early just for eggs?" Now _that_ was out of the ordinary.

"Well, I was already down there, anyway. Eat up!" She carried to the table a bowl that smelled absolutely delicious. When he looked in it he found rice, two fried eggs, some type of red sauce, and raw shredded cabbage waiting for him.

"Looks good." As hungry as he was, he was still curious about where his master had gotten to. "Master Shifu didn't greet me this morning," he told her, watching her for any kind of reaction; if possible, she just looked even happier. "D'you know where he is?"

"Well, this is just a guess, but he's _probably_ still in bed," she answered, a smug note entering her voice. "With a hangover."

"A what?" He wondered if that was yet another disease one could contract from female contact.

"It's what happens when you drink too much. And lemme tell you, kid, the old man _definitely_ drank too much." She then chuckled evilly to herself as she no doubt imagined the pain that Master Shifu was in.

Tai Lung wrinkled his nose; her crush was almost as obvious as Master Shifu's was. "He doesn't drink, though."

"I guess that's why he can't hold his liquor." She turned to the stove and started cooking for herself, cracking a couple of eggs into a pan. "I dragged him down to a bar last night and made him do shots with me."

"Then how come _you_ don't have a hangover?" He still didn't quite understand what a hangover was, though. It was apparently pretty unpleasant, judging by how happy Lin was that Master Shifu had gotten one.

"'Cause for me, there's no such thing as too much alcohol." She paused and turned to raise an eyebrow at him. "But you understand that drinking and going to bars is an adult thing, right?"

"Right," he agreed. While drinking and going to bars _did_ seem to be a lot of fun, he didn't want to end up like Master Shifu, either. "So a hangover... It's like being sick, right?"

"Yep," she replied, then served herself some eggs and joined him at the table. "Melon-head's probably not gonna be too happy when he finally wakes up."

He grimaced as he imagined just how painful his training would be under a sick, grumpy kung fu master. "Maybe you should go easy on him," he suggested.

She just laughed at the statement. "Oh, that's a good one!" She continued to chuckle even after she shoveled a spoonful of eggs and rice into her mouth.

Tai Lung sighed, shaking his head. It was about time he ran interference, if not for Lin's sake then at least for Master Shifu's. And since being blunt and direct was the only way to deal with either of them, that was the route he would have to take. "I think you have trouble expressing your feelings."

Lin swallowed her food and raised her eyebrows at him. "_What_ did you just say to me?" she asked, sounding completely taken aback.

"You heard me." He feigned nonchalance by digging into his own breakfast. "You have trouble expressing your feelings."

"Oh yeah? How?"

He paused to glance at her, and she had momentarily abandoned her own breakfast as she waited expectantly for his answer, tapping one finger on the table in a way that would be menacing only to someone who knew her well. He hesitated, since she looked so confrontational, but then he remembered that he could probably get away from her easily enough. So, he took a deep breath and braced himself. "You have a crush on Master Shifu."

Lin just stared at him with a completely deadpan expression on her face. After a long, uncomfortable silence, she spoke. "You're kidding."

"Nope," he replied. "I'm really observant. I mean, I notice a lot of things..." He trailed off when she neither moved nor changed her expression. "Okay, you're creeping me out."

"That's because you're seven, and you're trying to psychoanalyze me," she replied flatly.

"Well, I'm just saying that maybe if you tried being _nice_ to him, it might... Well, work better." He shrugged, still disconcerted by her lack of reaction. "I mean... I'm rooting for you. Kinda. As long as I don't think of how gross it'd be if you guys kissed or something." He shuddered just mentioning it.

"Okay, now you're grossing _me_ out," she replied, wrinkling her nose. "And I _am_ nice to Shifu. I took him out drinking, for one. And I was nice other times. Like... Like that time I..." She trailed off, furrowing her brow. "Well, I don't need to go around giving examples of how wonderful and kind I am."

"Which means you're not nice to him," he pointed out.

"I cook every single meal for him, don't I?" she huffed. "Ain't that nice enough?"

"You're getting _paid_ to do that." He wasn't going to let her off so easily, though. He could already tell that she was going to need some help if she was going to get anywhere at all, and while it really _would_ be gross if she and Master Shifu kissed, he wanted her to succeed. After all, lately he'd felt like they were kind of a family- a dysfunctional, confrontational, angry family, but still a family. So why not make it official?

"Y'know what? It's nice enough that I don't smack him upside the head every time the man opens his mouth," she snapped back.

"Actually, I think you'd seem nicer if you did that instead of what you usually do. And what you usually do is completely blow up, point out all his flaws, throw something-"

"Okay, I get it," she gave in. "I'll go against my nature and try to be a little nicer. Happy?"

"You'll be thanking me later." He attempted to pick the cabbage out of his breakfast while she was busy sulking over his advice, but he got caught.

"You need your vegetables," she insisted. "Especially if you want me to be nice to the goober."

"Goober? That's a new one." He gave in and ate the cabbage; fighting with Lin about anything was like trying to swim upstream. He would just end up getting worn out and carried off by the current. "You're serious, though, right? Because I'm getting tired of watching you guys duke it out."

She actually looked a little sheepish at that comment. "I know the fighting's been getting kinda outta hand lately. I'll try not to start anything in front of you, okay?"

"That's not really what I was asking." He was actually surprised that she didn't yell at him or try to change the subject.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. "Well, you got the day off, now. Whaddaya wanna do?"

"Sorry, no such thing as a day off." As he finished up the last of his breakfast his mind turned to the training hall; he still had such a long way to go before he could make Master Shifu proud that a day off now seemed abhorrent.

"As happy as I am that you're learning work ethic at an early age, you gotta relax sometimes, too," she argued, as she always did.

He stood up from the table and headed for the door, just to make sure that she didn't try to hold him up. "I'll relax at meals. Seeya!" He ran out before she had time to protest and made a beeline for the training hall. Besides the fact that he actually _needed_ the practice, he also didn't want to be caught slacking off when Master Shifu _did_ wake up, undoubtedly in a horrible mood. He just hoped that Lin would actually take his advice and try to be nice- or at least tone down her constant verbal abuse.

Although, if he knew anything at all about Lin, he should already know that she wouldn't listen to him. If anything, she would probably be even meaner to Master Shifu. Still, it had been worth a try. And who knew- maybe she would end up surprising him.

He snorted at that thought. He knew her too well for that.

* * *

A/N: Oh, Shifu. He's so obvious to everyone but himself (and Lin). Of course, I had to have the obligatory "getting drunk together" situation. You'll find out more details on how that went next chapter, I promise. That's all I really have to end with.


	21. The Way to a Man's Heart

A/N: Well, this is another Shifu heavy chapter, but I promise you'll hear more from the rest of the gang soon. I don't have much to say here, so enjoy the chapter!

Ingredients: Kung Fu Panda, Dreamworks, copyright, salt and pepper (to taste)

* * *

Chapter 21: The Way to a Man's Heart is Through His Stomach

* * *

As Shifu slowly drifted back into consciousness, he let out a low groan and, for the first time in years, pulled his blanket over his head to block out the sunlight that filtered into his room through the small, high windows. He could feel a constant painful pressure behind his eyes, his throat was dry and sore, and he was getting queasy from the sense of vertigo that plagued him. In short, he was hung over. True, it was not his first experience with the adverse effects of drinking, but his youth was long gone and to be honest, he had never been much of a drinker even in his "wild" years. And wild for him, even back then, was more like mundane for someone like Lin.

He should have never allowed her to drag him down to her level. True, _parts_ of last night had been, for lack of a better term, fun. However, it had definitely not been worth the pain he was currently in, burrowing in his own bed sheets just to get away from the sun-

He cursed under his breath once he realized exactly how late in the morning it must have been for the sunlight to be so bright, and flung the sheets aside, jumping to his feet. He then nearly fell over and vomited from the way the room spun at such sudden and dramatic movement. After a few deep breaths he managed to steady himself and get his wits about him; that was when he realized that he was shirtless. He _never_ slept shirtless. And his pants were the same ones he'd been wearing the day before. And, when he really thought about it, he couldn't quite recall how he'd made it from the village all the way back to his bed.

It would be no good to jump to conclusions, so he went about getting properly dressed as quickly as he possibly could given his current condition and headed down the hall to the kitchen. He couldn't exactly run, but he got as close to running as he could without causing another bout of vertigo. The moment he reached the doorway of the kitchen he spat out, "_What did you do?_" with as much venom as he could muster.

Lin turned and raised her eyebrows at him from where she was wiping down the countertop, a smug grin plastered on her face. "That's no way to talk to your _drinking buddy_, now is it?" She then pretended to be hurt, pressing one hand worriedly to her chest. "And after you gave me your _heart dust_."

Shifu groaned as he recalled some of the more ridiculous things he'd said under the influence- including holding up his empty hand as if there were some sort of powder in it and then pretending to blow the imaginary sand in Lin's direction, proclaiming that it was his heart dust. "What I _meant_ was... Where did my shirt go?" That query sounded innocent enough.

"Oh, _that_." She rolled her eyes at him, then turned back around and lit the stove. "You were so wasted last night that I had to tuck you in. And seeing as how you vomited all down your front- which I believe I tried to prevent by warning you not to mix liquors- I took pity on you and threw your shirt in the wash."

He leaned against the door frame, relieved that he hadn't been running around the village half-naked; still, running around with vomit all over him was probably worse. "This is all your fault," he needlessly pointed out.

She just laughed at him as she took a large cup from the cabinet and filled it with the contents of a nearby pot. "I'm guessing you have a hangover befitting of last night's events?"

"You don't?"

"Nope."

If he didn't think his head was going to explode before, he certainly did now. "Not even a little?"

"Not at all." She chuckled again at the horrified look on his face. "I guess I forgot to tell you my one hundred percent guaranteed hangover prevention method," she sighed, not sounding guilty at all.

"Yes, you did," he grumbled, and managed to shuffle over to the table and sit down.

"Well, here it is now. It also happens to be a hangover _cure_." Then she set the cup she'd been holding down in front of him.

He picked it up and peered at the contents, then took a tentative sip. It was nothing more than room temperature water. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope! Dehydration is one of the sources of a hangover, and when properly prevented can curb the effects of one." She laughed again. "I was drinking water _all night_. And you weren't."

"If it were in any way alright for me to hit you, I would." He took several huge gulps from the cup, while Lin continued to laugh at him. "Laugh all you want, but you're the one who has to be _my_ student for the rest of the day."

"Yeah, yeah. Keep talking shit, old man. Practice makes perfect, y'know." Then she actually _smiled_ at him- and it was that same disarming smile she'd had on her face the other night, when they'd spoken.

He almost spit his water out at the sight. An actual, genuine smile from her was something he had thought he'd never be on the receiving end of, especially that early in the morning. "What?" he choked out.

"Eh?" she replied. "What what?"

"What was that for?"

"What was what for?"

"Never mind," he gave up. "Where's Tai Lung?"

"He's already training." She took his cup and refilled it for him. "_You're_ the one who's late today."

"Crap," he replied.

Lin stopped fussing about and stared at him, her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, _what?_ I've heard worse from your mouth." He drank some more water and grimaced. "What _was_ that stuff you shoved down my throat last night?"

"Fermented liquor made from sorghum," she rattled off in an encyclopedic fashion as she set a pan over the stove and poured some oil into it. "It typically has an alcohol content of fifty-three percent." She then crossed the room again to take his water from him and finish it off. "You were _so_ drunk."

"Me?" He grabbed the cup out of her hand, narrowing his eyes at her. "_You_ started a bar fight."

"No I didn't," she replied immediately, her tone completely innocent.

"Oh yes you did, I saw the whole thing!" He handed the cup back to her for a refill once he realized that it was empty. "And then I had to drag you out of there, kicking and screaming!" That had been before all his good sense had gone completely out the window, luckily enough- and Lin had simply brushed the incident off and dragged him to a different bar to shove more alcohol at him.

"Well you're a kung fu master, you coulda helped me out a little," she huffed as she poured more water into his cup and once again drank from it. "B'sides, that guy _needed_ a bottle to the head to knock some sense into him." She handed the half-empty cup back to Shifu and went back to the stove, breaking two eggs into the heated pan.

"I don't see why you don't want to learn kung fu." His head hurt enough that he was willing to still drink from the cup- just that once, anyway. "Do you make a habit out of picking fights with boars twice your size?"

"Hey, I was defending your honor, remember?" She finally grabbed a cup of her own from the cabinet and filled that one with water. "And c'mon, anyone who goes up to strangers in a bar and says they're a coupla nancy boys is gonna get his ass kicked. Especially for using that kinda outdated terminology."

He would have shaken his head at her if he didn't know that such an action would make the room spin. "So you're sure you weren't just angry that he thought you were a man?"

"Eh?" She looked as if that possibility had never occurred to her. "Huh, I guess he _did_ think I was a guy, didn't he? Weird." Then recognition dawned on her face, as if she had just realized something. "Hey! He was saying we were gay _together!_"

"Yes. Yes he was." Shifu wondered exactly how drunk she'd been that she hadn't been able to pick up on that.

Lin just started laughing. "That's hilarious!" She abruptly stopped laughing, her eyebrows knitted together in thought. "I'm just remembering all his jabs..." Then she snorted. "He called you my wife."

"I remember that, too," he grumbled, embarrassed at the thought of it. He was even more humiliated to think that Lin had incited a bar fight in his defense- in his opinion, it only made him seem even more like her "wife."

"Hey, sorry. I totally thought you were gonna jump in, I swear." She snorted again, then broke out into full-fledged laughter. "We gotta do that again sometime!"

"No. We do not." He cringed to think of what might befall him if he was ever connected to the previous night's events. Luckily, he didn't think anyone in that grungy place had known who he was.

"Y'know, I had more fun 'an I thought I would. With you, I mean." She gave the eggs a toss and smiled again, though this one wasn't necessarily directed at him. "Guess every now and then it pays off to take out the ol' ball and chain."

"You crack me up," he retorted sarcastically. Then, with great hesitancy, "I had a somewhat good time as well..." And it was true, to his surprise; while Lin was incredibly tight-lipped when it came to her past, she was anything but on almost every other subject. She'd spent the more lucid parts of their night debating with him about everything from politics (apparently she thought it was the Emperor's only goal in life to oppress the working class) to science (she had talked about the discoveries of someone he'd never heard of who was apparently a relative of hers, Galileo). Then somehow the conversation had turned to anatomy, which had resulted in Lin telling him much more about a wolf's genitals than he _ever_ needed to know. That had been about the time the boar had interrupted them. "Until you incited a senseless bar fight," he added.

"On your behalf," she replied. "And thanks. I'm glad you weren't miserable for at least one night of your life." She took the eggs off the stove and went about assembling something with them- he turned away once he realized that he was watching her more intently than he would have liked.

"Yes." He cleared his throat, feeling a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. "How does your arm feel?" He thought it would be a good time for a change of subject.

"Hurts like a bitch."

"I'm not surprised," he said, but refrained from elaborating to keep himself from going into a full-blown lecture; after all, she had practically dived into a crowd of fist-fighting drunks who had ranged from large-ish pigs to steer- in other words, they were all at least twice her size. The fact that he had managed to drag her out of the fight without any major injuries had been a miracle. "So..." He tried to think of something that would catch her interest, but realized her interests were all pretty much encompassed by the previous night. He settled on asking a question, since that usually annoyed her enough to change the topic on her own. "...Where did you learn to urinate while standing?" It was something of a lewd subject, but according to Lin public urination was simply a normal part of drinking.

"I'm self-taught," she informed him proudly. "It's a pretty damn useful skill, I gotta admit."

"I wouldn't go around bragging about that if I were you."

"So _that's_ what she said," Lin replied, sounding as though a great question of hers had been answered.

"...What who said?" He had a feeling that he would regret asking, but his curiosity got the better of him.

"The last girl who saw your junk," she answered, without missing a beat.

"You are a horrible shrew, and you will die bitter and alone." Shifu doubted his poignant observation had done anything more than amuse her, but it was still worth a try.

"That's the plan, anyway." She let out a bark of laughter as she walked up behind him and slapped him on the back a little harder than he would have liked. "Now, I think it's about time you had something to eat." She then placed a bowl full of rice, eggs, cabbage, and some reddish sauce he couldn't identify in front of him.

"What is this?" He picked up his chopsticks and poked tentatively at the food.

She sat down next to him and tutted at him like a mother would do to a small child. "Don't pick- and it's fried eggs over rice with a mild pepper sauce and raw cabbage. It's a hangover-friendly breakfast!"

"In what way?" He still had his doubts about the meal.

"Well, y'see, in addition to dehydration as a result of alcohol consumption, a hangover's also the result of several chemical reactions as your body breaks down the ethanol. For instance, before your body converts ethanol to acetic acid, the ethanol's gotta be converted to acetaldehyde, which is much more toxic 'an alcohol itself-"

"Alright, that's enough-"

"Don't interrupt me," she warned sharply, slapping him again. "Anyway, since you're so _impatient_, I'll wrap this up quickly. As a result of several other chemical processes you probably wouldn't understand _anyway_-" she paused to glare at him- "the liver's ability to supply glucose to tissues such as the brain is impaired, resulting in the symptoms of hangover. There's a lotta other factors at work, of course, but I guess you don't wanna hear about all that. The point is, all these foods help your body break down ethanol, thus curbing said symptoms. Now _eat_."

"How do you even _know_ all that?" He took a bite of the dish, surprised to find that it actually tasted good.

"As a woman, I make it my business to know everything." She haughtily blew on her nails, then rubbed them on the front of her shirt.

He snorted skeptically at her, but made no comment on her proclamation. Obviously, she did not know everything; he was starting to learn that _she_ didn't even take most of her smug posturing seriously, though it still grated on his nerves. He decided that changing the topic again would be a good course of action. "I had better check on Tai Lung." That was actually true, as well; he wondered, though, what he would tell Tai Lung about his uncharacteristic absence in the morning.

"He's in the training hall, just like you'd want him to be," Lin informed him, then miraculously got up and started to clean the kitchen on her own. "I tried to get him to slack off, but he insisted on training." Then, with an impish grin she added, "I also taught him what a hangover is."

"I despise you," Shifu groaned, the throbbing in his head renewed at that information. "It is as if your entire reason for existing is simply to make my life more difficult."

"Man, if I had a yuan for every time I heard that I'd be set for life. Or I'd at least be able to afford some new clothes or something."

The complaint about her current salary was not lost on him. "Yet you could afford a night of heavy drinking," he pointed out.

"Oh! That reminds me!" She suddenly shoved her hand into her belt, produced some type of rag, and tossed it at him.

He caught it, and upon closer inspection found that it very closely resembled the bag he kept his money in, aside from one critical difference- this bag, unlike his, was empty. "...What is this?" he asked slowly, though he already knew.

"Last night was on you." She sounded much giddier than was appropriate for the moment. "I mean, you insisted... After the heart dust, of course." She let out a snort of laughter. "Lightweight."

There were times when she could really make him feel like he was on the verge of an aneurysm- and this was one of them. "You are _dead_," he threatened, then stood up from the table a bit too quickly and almost fell over from the wave of dizziness that hit him. "Once I get my balance back, that is," he amended when she laughed at him. "And don't think I'll forget about this, either."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll be picking up tiny grains of rice for the rest of the day," she sighed. "But it was worth it." She grabbed a washcloth and walked over to wipe down the table, pausing to give him a somewhat painful flick on the nose. "As the french say, such is life."

"And how would _you_ know what the french say?"

She just rolled her eyes at him in response. "Go check on Tai Lung."

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at her; as usual, she was hiding something. However, he was not exactly in peak condition, and he _did_ need to speak to Tai Lung, so he would forego his usual barrage of questioning; besides, there were more pressing parts of her past to find out about. "I expect you to meet me in the training hall in ten minutes..." He paused as he remembered what Lin had told him about his shirt; a bath was definitely in order. "Make that twenty." He turned to leave with as much dignity as he could muster, but judging by her quiet snickering behind him, he had not managed to muster a whole lot. He paused in the doorway and turned to glare at her, then asked, "How long does a hangover normally last?"

"That depends on the person and how much they drank," she answered evenly. "But judging by what I've seen so far, yours'll probably last... The whole day. At least. Might go over into tomorrow."

"Wonderful," he grumbled sourly, and ignored her renewed laughter as he walked away as quickly as he possibly could without feeling like the floor was going to drop out from under him. Somehow, he would get her back.

* * *

It had been an admittedly trying day thus far. While Shifu's hangover had certainly not made matters any better, it was simply one item on the long list of aggravations that had piled up throughout the day. The trouble had started when he'd gone to check on Tai Lung. The young snow leopard's curiosity had apparently been piqued by whatever Lin had told him, and he'd asked a series of embarrassing questions that had included, but were not limited to: "You're not gonna throw up, are you?", "Is this gonna become a regular thing?", and his personal favorite, "Was last night a date?" He had given Tai Lung so many laps up and down the mountain for that one that he'd be surprised if the boy would ever even be able to _look_ at a stair again.

He had naturally followed up the incident with a proper bath- after all, he _had_ vomited the night before. This had proven to be a _very_ big mistake. Less than halfway through what should have been a relaxing if perfunctory bath, the unthinkable had happened. _Lin_ had walked right in. And to top it all off, she had been completely unfazed- in fact, her exact reaction had been a shrug of her shoulders and a simple proclamation of, "Meh." That one word had hurt his pride more than he cared to admit. She could have thrown him a bone and _pretended_ to be embarrassed. Then he would have at least been able to maintain the illusion that he still possessed something for a woman to get embarrassed _about_. And that was not the end of her craven desire to humiliate him; when he'd asked her exactly how much she'd seen, she had simply stuck her thumb out, placed it between her legs in a parody of his privates, and laughed. Just thinking about it made him want to take his frustrations out on the training hall's equipment, but he knew that the Jade Palace's budget did not have room for those kinds of repairs.

He might have been able to recover from such horror if not for him returning to the training hall only to find Lin telling an audience of both Tai Lung and Master Oogway, in detail, miming his every movement, about the heart dust incident. It was _not_ that funny, but apparently everyone else seemed to think so. And when he had attempted to break up her little story time in order to actually train her (which he honestly didn't even understand himself- she most certainly did not deserve his help) Master Oogway had been the one to say, "What, we do not get any heart dust from you?" That had killed him a little bit on the inside. It really had.

Of course, no matter what type of grueling exercise he tried to force her through after that, she still took one look at him and let out an amused snort, her mouth turning up into that obnoxious grin of hers. Even when she was picking up grains of rice with chopsticks (more attempting to do so rather than succeeding) she still acted smug. Then she had prepared an unbearably spicy noodle soup for lunch, and upon his complaint she had crassly answered, "It'll make you poop, then you'll feel a lot better."

After that, he had been nearly immobilized by the horrible cramps that had followed. And, in the most unfortunate sense possible, Lin had been right. Thus he had decided that he was in desperate need of meditation, and so while Tai Lung studied one of the thousand scrolls of kung fu (Crane style, to be exact) he had retreated to the training hall, lit a bank of candles, and attempted to get to some level of inner peace.

Needless to say, it was not going well. All he could do was dwell on the stresses that had been piling up throughout the day. He honestly did not know if he could take one more aggravation- and just as he thought that, he suddenly felt a warm weight settle on top of his head.

"What're you doing?" Lin's voice confirmed his dread.

Shifu slowly opened his eyes and glared balefully at the candles laid out in front of him. "I am _meditating_. You _have_ heard of it, haven't you?" He reached up and grabbed the cup of tea she had balanced on his head and set it down in front of him.

"'Course I hearda meditating," she huffed, poking him in the side of the head. "I just figured it'd kinda break your concentration to say 'inner peace' over and over. It's kinda _weird,_ to be honest."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing himself to not get worked up; after all, it would only agitate the persistent symptoms of his hangover. "I doubt you would know anything about meditating. Have you ever even tried it before?"

"Not the kind you seem to like." She actually sat down next to him, to his utter chagrin.

"What kind is that?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her; he didn't like where this conversation was going.

"The neurotic kind," she replied casually, then attempted to mimic his pose. "So how d'you do it, exactly? You picture something or blank your mind or whatever?"

"It is not something you should attempt if you aren't serious about it." He waited for her to take the hint and leave, but he had no such luck.

"It's not that I don't take meditation seriously, it's that I don't take _you_ seriously." Then, to add insult to injury, she leaned forward and sniffed at the candles.

"They are _not_ scented!" he snapped. "If all you can do is sit here and insult me, then you need to go."

"Aw, are you still mad at me for making fun of your willy?" she teased with a grin.

He didn't think he could take much more of her; and he was certainly not going to get into an argument with her about his "willy," as she had so elegantly put it. "How many times must I tell you to leave me alone before it sinks in?"

"Okay," she sighed, sounding incredibly put upon. "I'll stop. Now, how d'you do that whole breathing thing or whatnot?"

He could feel his throbbing headache intensify at the mere thought of attempting to meditate with her. "There is no such thing as joint meditation. It is a _solitary_ practice." He hoped that the finality in his tone would end the discussion, but of course his hope was in vain.

"Then how does anyone learn to meditate? Oh, wait, you're talking about the Zeu Buddhism approach, right? If you point at the moon, I won't look at the moon, I'll look at your finger."

He blinked at her, staring for a moment; she was clearly talking about Zen Buddhism, yet she had used the Shanghai dialect term for it- and did not even seem to notice what she had done. "You mean Zen," he corrected slowly, watching her for a reaction.

"Yeah, that's what I said," she replied easily, completely unconcerned.

At first, Shifu was ready to argue with her over the slip-up; of course, he'd suspected that Lin had been lying all along about having never been to Shanghai, and now she had provided him with actual proof of her lie. However, she was acting as though she had said nothing out of the ordinary. Then again, perhaps she saw nothing unusual with using the Shanghai dialect term- she had apparently been all over China, and could have picked the word up anywhere. Still, he _knew_ she'd been to Shanghai- he felt it in his gut.

He decided to go along with her and pretend that he hadn't noticed; to start an argument over something so small would be pointless; she would only make up an excuse or completely deny his accusations, and would only protect her secrets with more determination than ever before. It would be better to let her believe that his suspicion had not been aroused, to get her to let her guard down.

He cleared his throat a bit, and finally spoke. "How do you even _know_ that?" he asked; after all, he _was_ surprised that she was familiar with Zen Buddhism at all.

"I toldya already, I know everything," she replied casually. "Like the story about the Bodhidharma's eyelids-"

"I know that one," he quickly interrupted- the last thing his still-queasy stomach needed was a mental image of someone cutting his own eyelids off. "Why don't you try this with Tai Lung?" he suggested, hoping that it would get her out of his hair.

"I thought you _wanted _to teach me all this kung fu type of stuff," she argued, stubborn as always.

"And _I_ thought that _you_ didn't want to learn any of it!"

"Well Tai Lung told me to be nice to you," she snapped back.

Shifu blinked, taken aback by the statement. It wasn't just the fact that Tai Lung had told Lin to do something, but that she was actually doing it. And on top of that, it involved an attempt to be _nice_ to him. "You're trying to be nice to me?" To say that he was incredulous would be an understatement.

"Yeah, you're right, it's a waste of time," she grumbled, standing up. "I'll be in my room if you need anything, and you better not go in there-"

"Or you'll kill me and make it look like an accident," he finished. "I know." He rolled his eyes at the empty threat. "Fine, if you can manage to _be quiet_, feel free to meditate... In the general vicinity." He didn't know why he was letting her stay; it would only end in yet another fight, and that was the last thing he needed at the moment. He supposed that he was just getting soft, but if Tai Lung wanted them to get along, he felt he should at least put in some effort.

Lin raised her eyebrows at him, apparently caught off-guard by his concession. "Yeah?"

"Yes." He knew he was going to regret the decision.

She sat back down and once again mimicked his position, this time with much more accuracy; it was somewhat impressive the way she could copy a pose so well with only a couple of attempts. "So how long does this usually take?"

"A lifetime," he replied shortly, frowning to himself at the fact that he had just complimented her, even if it was only in his thoughts.

She snorted.

"You agreed to be quiet," Shifu reminded her, well aware that she wasn't going to listen to him.

She gave him a thumbs up, then settled back into her meditation position and closed her eyes. Amazingly, she didn't say anything at all after that.

After a couple of minutes, he couldn't resist waving a hand in front of her face, just to be sure. He was relieved to see that she didn't react, and was finally able to relax enough to focus on his own meditation. However, it wasn't long before he was once again interrupted, this time by a single, sudden, loud snore. Shifu slowly opened his eyes and turned toward Lin; of course, she was fast asleep, her head resting on her shoulder and her mouth hanging open. He briefly contemplated leaving her like that, but then again, he didn't want to risk angering her. She _did_, after all, control his meals. "Lin. _Lin_." He tried to wake her up gently, but it didn't work. He decided to give her a little push, and she nearly toppled over sideways before catching herself and straightening up with a soft snort.

She blinked her eyes open and peered at him as if she knew exactly what he had done. "I think I reached Nirvana." Then she yawned.

"It is more likely that you were dreaming," he pointed out, raising an eyebrow at her in silent criticism.

"Guess this means I gotta cut my eyelids off," she sighed, her shoulders slumping as if she were actually serious about such a thing. "Damn."

Despite himself, Shifu smiled at the joke. "I think your attempt to 'be nice' was somewhat successful."

"Yeah, don't get used to it," she replied groggily. "Y'know, I think I should do this meditating thing more often."

He snorted at her and frowned. "By 'meditating thing,' do you mean 'taking a nap'?"

She just laughed at him. "That, too. See, lookit how nice I can be!"

"Yes, almost like a _normal_ person," he shot back.

"And while we're on the subject, I just wanna letya know that I didn't mean to embarrass you _too_ much earlier, y'know, when I got the free show." She elbowed him and let out a lecherous chuckle as he blushed at the memory. "It's just that nudity isn't really a big deal for me. I mean, it's not like it's anything I ain't seen before. Many, many, many times before."

That last tidbit hurt to hear more than he could have ever expected. Although, he really had no reason to believe her, except for her deadpan reaction to seeing him naked. "...Thank you," he grumbled sarcastically. "That makes me feel _so _much better."

"I'm just saying," she went on, feeding on his discomfort as always. "I mean, the nude form is perfectly natural. Well, depending on how grotesque the man is- and I've seen some grotesque ones." She paused and wrinkled her nose as she apparently recalled these instances. "Then again, every now and then there're men who _really_ put the _awwww_ in 'au naturale' if you get my drift. I remember this one time-"

"Now would be a good time to put an end to your words in my ears," Shifu interrupted, rubbing at his forehead to try to relieve the sudden pain there. The last thing he needed to hear about was Lin's sex life.

"Anyway, my point was, you're around the middle." She held out her hand flat in front of her and squinted, as if viewing some sort of imaginary gauge. "Like, on a scale of one to ten... A solid five. Maybe five and a half."

"Wow." He had thought that there was no possible way she could have humiliated him any more in that one day, but once again she had topped herself. "That was beautiful. Almost like a poem."

She punched him in the arm, as was her habit as of late. "Oh, relax. You really gotta learn how to take a joke. Besides, I feel as though we've really bonded in the past twenty-four hours. We drank together, I tucked you in like a little baby, saw your cash and prizes, and you went more 'an thirty seconds without shouting at me or threatening to beat me up. Yet I feel like there's something missing..."

He could tell there was a joke coming, but unfortunately he was too slow to cut her off.

She held her hand palm up, as if she were holding something in it, and then blew in his direction. "This is my heart dust."

His eye twitched a little bit at the joke. "Start running."

"Well, I better get started on dinner." She gave him a pat on the back as she stood up, as though he had just said something completely low key and amicable; then again, for them, it might as well have been. "Good luck with your quest for inner peace. Try not to strain any inner muscles."

"Your wit is so razor sharp that I fear I may cut myself on it," he replied flatly.

She simply gave him a light swat on the back of his head. "Drink your tea before it gets cold," she ordered, then walked away.

He turned to glare at her back a moment, then picked up his tea and took a sip; it was oolong, yet there was a bit of a floral taste to it. He blinked, surprised by that particular twist.

"It's rose!" Lin called from outside the training hall doorway, as if she had known exactly what he'd been thinking.

He _hated_ when she did that.

Unfortunately, he was starting to realize that he didn't necessarily hate _everything_ she did.

* * *

Lin flopped down into her bed with a loud sigh and rolled onto her stomach; it was one of the amenities she would miss most once it was time to leave the Jade Palace. She had never been able to have such a comfortable bed, and doubted that she ever would again, so she might as well enjoy it. Besides, it was pretty late at night and she needed a break from all the "training" Shifu had been putting her through. To be fair, he was technically right every time he complained that he was only doing what she had asked him to, but she didn't see why he felt justified in insisting that she treat him any differently. It wasn't like she was his kung fu student or anything.

She had at least taken Tai Lung's advice and attempted to be somewhat nice to him; it actually hadn't turned out too bad, either. And she supposed she owed it to Shifu to show just a glimmer of kindness. After all, she _did_ like him, despite how much she loved to start fights with him, or how much he tended to aggravate her. Sure, he was stubborn and neurotic, and took everything way too seriously, but he was funny in his own way, he was dedicated to what he loved, and he was a good man. Not that she _liked_ that sort of thing.

Besides, he had been a _hilarious_ drunk. And once the alcohol had taken the edge off, he'd been much easier to talk to. He actually had been willing to have a serious discussion with her, rather than dismissing whatever she said as either an outright lie or a joke. And he'd _known_ a few things, too (not as much as she did, of course). At least, he'd been able to carry an intelligent conversation for the first hour of the night. After that... Well, seeing him projectile vomit had been well worth the cleanup afterward. And she had been able to milk so much amusement out of his hangover, as well. She'd also be lying if she said that she hadn't enjoyed seeing him naked, as much as she'd made fun of him at the time.

She was thinking too much again, and she knew it. What she really needed to do was focus on _important_ things, like her budget, her impending journey west, or even the progress she was making with her left hand. Speaking of which, she supposed it couldn't hurt to give her calligraphy another try. She'd been at it for most of the night, but then again there was a reason she ran on a thirty-six hour schedule- she liked to get things done. So, with a low grunt, she pushed herself out of her bed and sat down on the floor, which was strewn with dozens and dozens of pages covered in her previous attempts. She grabbed a brush and her still-wet ink, a fresh piece of paper, and steeled herself for disappointment.

With a deep breath, Lin set the brush down on the paper and attempted to make a straight line. And, amazingly, she succeeded. She paused, glancing incredulously back and forth between her left hand and the paper; she couldn't believe that she'd actually been able to do it. It hadn't been too long ago when the result would have been a wobbly mess. She decided to go even further; she dipped her brush in ink, then carefully drew the character for "man" (the first she had ever learned) in her usual bold calligraphy style.

And it looked right. It looked as though she had actually written the character, rather than a half-dead, palsied version of herself. "Ha!" she exclaimed in her excitement, and began to form entire sentences. They all looked right, and her hand didn't shake once.

She knew, of course, what this meant. It meant that she was going to have to thank Shifu. While normally such a task would fill her with dread, and she would only carry it out with great reluctance, this time was different. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd been so elated; she felt as though she might burst, in a good way. She actually _wanted_ to thank him, she wanted to share this feeling; in fact, if he had been sitting beside her right at that moment she would have kissed him full on the mouth.

She managed to calm herself down after that particular sentiment crossed her mind; that wouldn't do at all. Still, she had to do _something_. At least go tell him that she was actually grateful for the torture he'd put her through. With a decisive nod to herself, she tossed her brush on the floor and stood to leave her room; she would find Shifu right at that moment and tell him precisely that, and she would _not_ be overcome with emotion of any kind. She liked to think she at least had _some_ self-control, after all.

* * *

Not for the first time, Shifu found himself completely unable to sleep. His queasiness earlier in the day had kept him from eating as much as he normally did, and now that he was feeling better he was also getting hungry. And, as loathe as he was to admit it, he wanted something sweet. The last thing he wanted to do, though, was to walk down the hall and ask Lin to make him one of her many treats (perhaps that thing with the bananas) after he had argued with her over how unhealthy dessert was. Well, that was actually only the second to last. The _real_ last thing he wanted to do was sit up hungry all night because he'd been too much of a wimp to suck it up and ask Lin to make him a midnight snack. He _could_ probably attempt something himself, but he knew that if he put even the littlest thing out of place Lin would have his head; she was very territorial when it came to the kitchen, and was overprotective of her organizational system, to say the least. Besides, he wasn't a very good cook. He would never be able to make a dessert like she could make it, and admitting that much didn't hurt his pride. He was a kung fu master, so what use did he have for a skill like cooking? And there was nothing wrong with admitting that someone was good at what she did, even if that person was Lin.

That was when he realized exactly how he could convince her to make him something: with flattery. In the time he had known Lin it had become quite obvious that she was far from immune from a well-placed compliment. He had watched many times as she had made a complete three-sixty from enraged to complacent at the slightest word of praise from Tai Lung. The technique had even seemed to work for Master Oogway on occasion. Shifu realized that attempting to flatter Lin into making something for him would be rather manipulative, but he also realized that in the time he had spent contemplating his options he had become too hungry to care. Besides, if he did drop a comment or two on how good her cooking was, it certainly wouldn't be a lie.

He stood up and walked out of his room, his mind made up; he was going to march right up to Lin's door and ask her to make something for him. It was her job, after all, and after she'd spent the better part of the day making fun of him she didn't really have anything to complain about. He was perfectly within his rights to ask her for dessert. And even if she _did_ get angry with him, he had nothing to worry about; he had fought with her before and he could fight with her again.

Shifu stopped in front of Lin's door and instantly had second thoughts- who was he kidding, anyway? He had been losing the upper hand in their constant struggle for the good part of a month, and now he was acting as though she were his mother or something of the sort, seeking her out for a _snack_ in the middle of the night. He felt like a child just thinking of it. She probably wouldn't appreciate being bothered so late at night, either, although judging from the light coming from inside her room she was still awake. It was a bad idea, interrupting her in- whatever it was that she did, and it was even worse to admit that he actually _needed_ her for something, no matter how trivial. He decided to forget it and leave when her door suddenly swung open and Lin stepped out, then stopped short to avoid walking straight into him.

"Oh, uh, hello," he greeted, wondering what to say now that he'd been caught. Perhaps she'd been on her way to the kitchen, anyway. "I just wanted to... Uh, could you maybe... Make some dessert? Please?" He supposed that since they had run into each other anyway, he might as well ask her.

Then, out of nowhere, she threw her good arm around his shoulders and yanked him toward her; before he even knew what was happening he found himself in the middle of a hug, of all things.

"...Is this a yes?" He was confused, to say the least; it wasn't often that he found himself in such a situation, and the last person whose warm embrace he would have expected to be in was Lin's, at any time of the day or night. He knew she had a softer side, of course, but to experience it so intimately- and there was really no other word to describe the feeling of her pressed up against him, her breath tickling his neck- was entirely different. He managed to snap out of his shock long enough to reach up and awkwardly pat her on the back, for lack of a better response.

Just as suddenly as the hug had happened it ended. "Oh, uh, sorry," Lin sputtered out as she pushed him away so forcefully that he thought for a second she might actually attempt to throw him across the hall. "I just was going to, y'know, find you... And... Hug you inappropriately. And now that I'm done, I'll just go back to my room and, uh, sleep. G'night." She practically ran into her room, slamming the door.

Shifu just stood there, dumbfounded. "Okay," he replied belatedly, then realized that it was probably weird to still be standing outside her door. He headed back to his own room, no longer hungry and still confused as to what had just happened. After all, he had never received any sort of physical contact from Lin that wasn't either intentionally annoying, violent, accidental, or a combination of the three. An outright hug from her, one that had come with absolutely no prompting whatsoever, was monumental.

Perhaps she was finally showing some modicum of gratitude toward him for all he'd done for her in the past weeks. And while he would admit no such thing, even under pain of torture, they _had_ bonded a little bit at the bar. He once again swore to himself that he would never have another drop of alcohol as long as he lived as he thought back on that exceedingly strange night. She'd probably only dragged him along with her so she would have one more thing to hold over his head.

As he thought of that, it occurred to him that Lin's unexpected embrace could have had an ulterior motive to it, as well. He wasn't sure exactly how she could possibly use the hug against him, but if anyone could turn a gesture of affection into blackmail material, it was Lin. Yet somehow he wasn't inclined to actually believe that. Whatever reason she may have had for throwing her arm around him, the gesture had felt genuine.

He shook his head at himself as he walked into his room; it was bad enough that he'd just thought of something as "feeling" genuine, but he must have been losing it if he was basing his judgement on that. Perhaps he was just beginning to trust her as Master Oogway had urged him to do, but in a way _that_ was even worse. After all, she was hiding something from him- from all of them- and no matter how she tried to butter him up by being "nice" to him or hugging him he could never lose sight of that.

But maybe he _was_ being too harsh. Maybe there really was nothing of note in Lin's past, maybe she really was just trying to get along with him, and maybe she really had just embraced him out of an admittedly justified sense of gratitude toward him.

He snorted to himself even as he considered that possibility; sure, and maybe the Mongols just really wanted to be friends with the Chinese and frolic together through the fertile steppes. He would be keeping just as vigilant an eye on her as ever, and if in the process he was subjected to more impromptu embraces, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. For the greater good, of course.

* * *

A/N: I actually feel kind of bad for Shifu, for once. Not bad enough to stop abusing him, but still. Maybe he'll get just a little revenge. Also, that scented candle joke is probably my favorite in the whole fic... I had it written from the beginning and have been waiting anxiously to finally use it.

I know Zen Buddhism is the Japanese term (Ch'an being the Mandarin), but since the creators often refer to Shifu as "the least Zen Zen Master," and Zen is the term that's generally used in English, I decided to go with that.

As for next chapter, expect to see Lin finally get that sling off, and Tai Lung will consult Oogway on the sensitive matter of romance.


	22. Love Never Dies of Starvation

A/N: Since you guys seemed to like the heart dust joke, I will reveal its origins to you. Basically, I did exactly what Shifu did (except that I blew a kiss) to my friends one drunken night, shortly before stumbling into my house, passing out in bed, and waking up to my first ever hangover. Ah, good times. Anyway, a big thanks once again to everyone who has read and reviewed, especially to those of you who've been sticking with me. I can't apologize for dragging this out for so long (since it is intentional), but I can say that I hope you're enjoying it as much as possible. :) Now, onward!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is property of Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 22: Love Never Dies of Starvation, but Often of Indigestion

* * *

Lin let out a relieved sigh as she slammed the door behind her in the one place Shifu wouldn't dare look for her: the bathhouse. At least, not after she'd walked in on him. She realized that it was probably unreasonable and incredibly suspicious to avoid him as she'd been doing for the past day and a half, but she had never been too good at owning up to embarrassing mistakes. And she had to admit that she'd had few moments more embarrassing than that hug. She honestly didn't know what had possessed her; being overcome by emotion for her usually consisted of a few well-placed punches and a kick to the groin. The last time she had actually _initiated_ a hug she had been a young girl, saying goodbye to her grandmother on the old woman's death bed- and even then she'd gotten a spoon to the head for her trouble. In short, that had been a cake walk compared to the shame and embarrassment that had followed her hugging Shifu.

She was grateful at least that one of her arms was in a sling; she didn't think she would have been able to face him at all the next morning if _both_ arms had been involved in the embrace. It had been bad enough that he'd acted like she was going to just randomly hug him again all through breakfast the morning after, but when he had actually wanted to _talk_ about it and ask her _why_ she'd done it, that was when she'd gone running. And she had been avoiding him as much as possible since then.

She stopped in the entranceway to look at the painting there; it was an ink painting depicting the Jade Palace in the morning, when the grounds were shrouded in a thin blanket of mist. She wondered why it hung in a bathhouse of all places- surely the humidity would destroy the painting in a matter of years.

"That painting is by Master Wei-Shan. He was a student of Master Chen, who had once been a student of kung fu, under Master Oogway."

"Who died and made you DaVinci?" she snapped, without even bothering to turn around; of _course_ Shifu had followed her in there, despite his awkwardness.

"The what?" he asked, clueless as usual to anything that wasn't Chinese.

"Never mind." She supposed she would have to speak to him eventually. "Y'know, I was just thinking about that dumb story of yours. The one about Shanghai when you couldn't even find some punk kid."

"Quan," he corrected. "I had heard that he was a student of Wei-Shan, come to think of it."

"Fascinating," she replied flatly.

"Why did you bring it up if you didn't want to hear about it?" He sounded pretty annoyed.

"To distract you," she answered with some modicum of honesty; after all, she _had_ been thinking about Shanghai, and she _had_ wanted to keep him from asking about the hug. "But you're just too boring for that plan to work out." She finally turned around to face him, mostly because she couldn't stand continuing the conversation while staring at a wall.

He looked about as annoyed as he sounded. "I thought Tai Lung told you to be nice to me."

She couldn't believe he had even brought that up. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't live my life according to what your seven-year-old child tells me to do."

"Well, contrary to _your_ belief I don't live my entire life simply to serve _you_," he huffed, crossing his arms. "I will remind you- for about the thousandth time- that _you_ asked _me_ to-"

"I know," she interrupted, resisting the temptation to give him a smack upside the head. "But... Well, look." She had been putting off talking about the other night for too long, and this was as good a time as any to get it over with. "I'm pretty much set. I mean, the other night... I wrote, and it turned out, y'know, correctly."

"Wait- you did? It did? It worked?" He sounded like he hadn't expected her to make any progress at all with her left hand.

"Yeah. And that is the end of this discussion, understand?" She pointed menacingly at him, just to make herself clear. "'Cause the events of that night, they never occurred. Therefore, there is nothing to discuss. Y'got that?"

He stared back at her, his expression deadpan, then let out a sigh. "Very well," he agreed. "We will not acknowledge the fact that you _hugged_ me."

"Did you not hear me?"

"Tightly," he added, no doubt just to rub it in her face. "And with great fervor."

"I'm about two seconds away from knocking your block off," she warned; of course he picked right then to give her sass. And she must have really been spending too much time with Shifu if she had actually used the word "sass," even only in her thoughts. "I'm serious, now _drop it_." She pushed past him and headed into the bathhouse to heat up her water, hoping he would take the hint.

"Now wait a minute." And yet, despite how clear she had made herself, he followed her. "I came to find you for a reason."

"To make me wish I could bore through my eardrums with a rusty spoon?" Maybe she was a being a little harsh on him, but while Shifu definitely had her beat in the impatience area, she wasn't much better.

"Aside from that," he answered; he was getting pretty good with the comebacks. "It is about time that sling came off."

"You're damn straight it is- wait, it _is?_" She was sure that she looked like a kid in a candy store at the mere thought of finally having her arm free, but she couldn't help herself. "Really?"

"Well, yes. That does not necessarily mean that you'll be able to use your arm right away- you should still take it easy." He sat down on the bench along the wall and patted the space next to him. "Now come here."

"Call me crazy, but this feels kinda ominous." She didn't exactly want to be that close to him after the hug the other night, either. A part of her knew that she was being ridiculous, but an even bigger part of her did _not_ want to be touched.

"You cannot take your bandages off on your own, so just let me do it." He sounded reasonable enough, but she could tell by the way he started speaking more quickly that he was getting annoyed.

"How do I know you're not trying to trick me?" If she was going to avoid actually letting him touch her, then she might as well irritate him at the same time. "I can practically see the gears turning in that big, fat head of yours."

"My head is of a perfectly reasonable size!" he snapped, then paused and took a deep breath. In a somewhat calmer but tense tone, he continued. "But that is not the issue at hand here. I am not trying to trick you, as sorely as I wish I could. I am far too mature for such antics. Now, sit down and let me see your arm."

She didn't budge, though. "Sure, and next thing I know you'll be hugging me again, just like a weepy little girl."

"_You_ were the one who hugged _me!_"

"You got a witness to verify that story?" She knew that she was acting childish, but if she annoyed him enough he would probably just leave her alone. At least, she hoped that worked; the only thing she could come up with for plan B was getting undressed for her bath, and that wasn't exactly on the top of her list at the moment.

Luckily enough for her, he just kept feeding her more material. "I cannot believe my ears."

"I couldn't either when I first saw the honkers, but you'll get used to 'em." What she really couldn't believe was how easy he always made it for her to insult him.

"Fine, go ahead and mock me," he huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at her. "See if I care when you try to take those bandages off yourself and end up hurting your arm all over again."

Lin glared right back as she weighed her options. If she let him undress her bandages then she would be rid of the sling and able to freely move her arm. However, that would involve sitting next to him and allowing him to actually _touch_ her- being so close to him that she would be able to feel his body heat... Letting him run his hands up and down her arm... Feeling his breath in her ear when he spoke... "Okay, y'got me," she conceded, and was on the bench before she'd even finished her sentence. She had never been good with temptation.

"Well now I'm just wondering why that was so easy," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes at her.

"It's positive reinforcement," she answered easily. "Maybe if I giveya what you want every time you get lucky and blurt out something passable you might actually get clever."

"Oh really? Then why haven't you jumped off the side of the mountain yet?" He leaned in and grabbed her sling, then began working on the knot.

"Hey, watch it!" She flinched back as he tugged at the knot; it wasn't like it hurt or anything, but he had caught her by surprise with how suddenly he'd just grabbed her.

"You'll be fine," he huffed, and shuffled a little closer to her, presumably for a better view.

Lin felt herself blushing, and reached up to rub at her cheek in an attempt to rid herself of the reaction. She was going to have to get over her nervous embarrassment sooner or later, at least if she was going to be able to forget her absolutely ridiculous crush.

"What's wrong, now?" Shifu asked, sounding exasperated.

"Nothing," she grumbled, and turned away so that he wouldn't see the blush.

"Here, I almost have it." He cradled her arm beneath the elbow with one hand while he pulled the sling free of her shoulder with the other, working more gently than she would have ever thought him capable of. "Better?"

"Yeah," she wheezed out, only realizing then that she'd been holding her breath; she felt like an idiot for it. She let out a loud cough to cover herself.

"Are you okay?" Shifu was still holding onto her arm, and one hand strayed to her shoulder in a gesture of concern.

"Yeah, I just breathed in some spit," she lied quickly, and turned to face him just in time to see him roll his eyes at her. "Y'know, you can stop touching me now."

"Sorry," he replied, and let go of her arm.

Lin gingerly stretched out her arm, rubbing at her elbow; it still felt sore, but at least it was usable. And at least she wasn't blushing anymore.

"I should take the bandages off, too," Shifu pointed out, to her utter chagrin.

"Just gimme a minute." She was still recovering from having the sling taken off, she wasn't sure if she could get through any more without giving herself away.

"I'd like to get this over with, if you don't mind," he snapped, reaching for her. He went right for her bandages, luckily, and untied them and started to unwrap them with minimal physical contact.

She just stared straight ahead, waiting in awkward silence for him to finish. She tried to let her mind wander, mostly to keep herself from blushing again, but she couldn't. She glanced at him, and could have sworn she could see some red in his cheeks, but she was probably just projecting her own embarrassment. "So..."

"I'm almost done." He glared at her, but only succeeded in reminding her that he had nice eyes.

"O-okay," she agreed quietly, and realized that she had stuttered for the first time in months.

"Done," he breathed, finally pulling the bandages off. "How does that feel?"

She stretched out her arm and rubbed at it again. "It feels okay," she answered hesitantly, trying very hard to focus on how her arm felt.

He surprised her by reaching out and grabbing her arm near the elbow. "Does this hurt?"

"No," she rasped out in a strained voice, counting herself lucky that she hadn't had an aneurysm. "Just lemme know when you're ready to stop manhandling me."

"I am _not_ manhandling you," he huffed, but quickly let go of her arm. "And your arm seems to be doing well. I'm sure the soreness will go away in a few days."

"Sounds good." She found herself staring at him, out of a combination of her own attraction and a lack of anything more interesting to say. She was a bit surprised that he stared back, though he was probably just waiting for her to insult him or something. They sat there for a while before she finally managed to whisper, "Why are we just sitting here, staring into space?"

"Why are you whispering?" he shot back, though he was whispering, too.

"I dunno," she answered, her voice still quiet. "...You got a little something in your nose."

His hand was already halfway to his face before he frowned at her and stood up. "You are absolutely unbearable," he snapped. "Do you really have nothing better to do than make fun of me?"

"Hey, if _I_ had a few bats in the belfry _I'd _want someone to tell me about it." She stood up as well and rubbed at her arm again. After having it bandaged and in a sling for so long, it felt kind of weird to have it free again. "But I guess it doesn't really matter all that much. I mean, with ears like that, who's gonna be looking at your nose, anyway?"

"If I think up a clever comeback for that do you think you can positively reinforce yourself to the nearest prison for the criminally insane?"

"No, but I can positively reinforce my foot up your ass." She wondered briefly if he thought that he could actually win a battle of wits against her, but then again he'd always been just a little bit delusional.

"I see that originality is not your strong suit."

"And I see that blowing your nose is not yours." She hadn't been lying about the boogers, and to prove it she pulled her handkerchief out of her belt and tossed it to him; it had probably been his to begin with anyway, seeing as how she'd fished it out of the clean laundry one day.

Shifu caught the handkerchief but still glowered at her. "Oh, will you stop with that? I know that you are just trying to get on my nerves, and it isn't going to work."

"And yet you're acting so harassed," she pointed out. "Now wipe your nose before I do it for you."

"There is nothing in my nose and I will prove it." He wiped at his nose with the handkerchief, then took a look inside the cloth, and frowned. "Oh."

"I know how much the truth can hurt, so why dontchya take some time to get over it and come back when I'm done with my bath?" She gave him a little poke in the stomach, just to annoy him; it appeared that she wouldn't need to worry anymore about the consequences of that hug, though she thought it best to try to keep her distance anyway.

"Don't touch me, you maniac," he grumbled.

"You realize that it doesn't bother me when you call me a maniac, right?" She crossed her arms, grateful that she was able to do so for the first time in so long, and stuck her nose in the air. "As they say, leaving a bad impression is better 'an leaving no impression at all."

"Please," he scoffed back. "The only people who even _know_ such a phrase are the ones who constantly leave a bad impression. As in, just you."

"Oh? And how would _you_ know I always leave a bad impression?" She was a bit surprised that he would go out of his way to pick a fight with her, but she wasn't about to let it slide. "You don't really know _anything_ about me, do you?" she pointed out smugly, watching as his eye twitched; some people considered it a bad sign, but the only thing that twitch meant to her was "game on."

* * *

It was a warm, sunny day; perfect for a nice, juicy peach under the peach tree. That was exactly what Tai Lung happened to be doing at the moment as he contemplated his current dilemma. He knew that he should really be worrying about himself and learning the thousand scrolls, but he couldn't help but want to meddle with Lin and Shifu. They were just so inept that he wanted to do something, _anything_ to help them along a little. He had a feeling that all they needed was a little outside push, and then they'd realize how well they actually could get along. That was why he had decided to try to enlist some help.

Master Oogway crested the hill just as Tai Lung was finishing his peach, and smiled widely as he approached. "Good afternoon, Tai Lung."

"Master Oogway," he greeted, and stood to bow. "Forgive me, but I want to get right down to business. You must be wondering why I asked you to meet me here, Master."

The old turtle nodded slowly, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "I will admit that my curiosity has been eating away at me."

"We have a serious problem on our hands," Tai Lung informed him.

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows and leaned in a bit closer, clearly interested in the topic at hand.

Tai Lung cleared his throat and straightened up a little bit; if he was going to enlist Master Oogway's help, he was going to have to act as authoritatively as possible. "Master Shifu and Lin need our help."

"Oh, my. What seems to be the problem?" He set his staff against the trunk of the peach tree and folded his hands together.

"What _isn't_ the problem?" Tai Lung sighed. "Master Shifu likes Lin, but he won't admit it because he's too embarrassed and stubborn. And Lin likes him right back, but _she_ won't admit it because she's too mean and spiteful!" He crossed his arms and furrowed his brow, trying to think of something, _anything_, they could work with. "We just need to give them a little help- a push in the right direction. Now, I've read about this type of thing, but there's just one problem. The people I've read about actually _acted_ like they were in love."

"Yes, that would make things a little bit easier," Oogway agreed. "But, I have seen stranger relationships. Not very many, but still." He gave a helpless shrug.

"That's why they need our help to get together- but we also gotta keep all the hazards in mind," Tai Lung reminded him. "I mean, I know that Lin is a pretty clean person in general, but she's still a girl. Which means that Master Shifu is susceptible to a host of diseases he could catch from her, like cooties."

"Ah, yes," Master Oogway agreed, sounding amused again. "We must not forget the cooties."

"And syphilis," he added.

The old turtle stared back at him without response for a couple of seconds, for some reason. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it again, a pensive expression on his face. Finally, he pointed at Tai Lung with one long claw. "You enjoy reading an awful lot, don't you?"

"Yes," Tai Lung answered slowly, unsure of what that had to do with anything.

"I believe that Shifu and I will have to start keeping a closer eye on your reading materials." "You're changing the subject. What we _really_ gotta worry about is the cooties." After all, it wouldn't do for Master Shifu and Lin to get together, only for Shifu to fall prey to the dreaded disease.

"Do not worry, young one," Master Oogway reassured him evenly, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Adults are immune to cooties. This immunity usually kicks in around, oh, age thirteen... So Lin and Shifu will be safe, I assure you."

He hadn't known that, but he supposed it made sense. After all, how else would adults be able to fall in love and get married? "Okay, but what about syphilis?"

"I doubt that we will have to worry so much about that one," the old master replied with an amused chuckle. "Shifu is far too much of a prude to contract such a disease."

"What's a prude?"

"Someone who is very uptight, but perhaps now is not the time to discuss such a matter. Tell me, now, about helping Shifu and Lin- what did you have in mind?"

"...I dunno," Tai Lung admitted sheepishly. "That's why I wanted to talk to you, Master. I thought that you might have some ideas."

Master Oogway took on a comparatively serious look and hesitated a moment, as if thinking over the request. "I do not normally involve myself in such affairs," he finally said, although he sounded regretful. "While it may seem like a good idea at the time, Tai Lung, I have learned firsthand that it is best not to meddle with the affairs of others when love is on the line- no matter how good your intentions may be."

"You mean you used to be a yenta?" He could definitely see that; to be honest, Master Oogway was _still_ kind of a yenta, just a subtle one.

"Yenta?"

"Lin called me that the last time I tried to talk to her about Master Shifu." He paused as he remembered how on edge she'd gotten when he'd tried to get her to talk about her feelings. "Then she said, 'if I was gonna fall in love with such a putz, I'd at least pick a good-looking one.' Then something about 'una testa di melone.' Then she just started speaking in tongues, or something. I'm not sure what was wrong with her, exactly." He had left the kitchen in the middle of her tirade, while she was still too worked up to notice him sidling out the door.

"Sounds like she was calling Shifu a melon-head again."

"She's got it bad," Tai Lung agreed. "C'mon, Master Oogway. You must've seen this kinda situation happen before. Their feelings don't need any nurturing- they just need to actually _admit_ that the feelings exist! There must be _something_ we can do."

He seemed to have been moved by the desperate plea for help, because he reached up to rub at his chin pensively with one claw; then, a slow smile spread across his face. "I think I have an idea."

"You do? What is it? Are we gonna lock 'em up in a room together and not let 'em out until they confess? Or maybe I can pretend to be sick so they'll have to eat dinner alone together, and then you can lure them out here to the peach tree and they'll have to eat under the stars. That's pretty romantic, right? Or- or I could get flowers, and leave 'em outside Lin's door with a _note_ from a _secret admirer_- leaving her to draw her own conclusions." He rubbed his hands together as he let out a low chuckle at his own undeniable genius.

"You really have this all thought out, don't you?" Master Oogway marveled, though he seemed more disturbed than impressed- if it was even possible at all for him to be disturbed. "But those are all bad ideas."

Tai Lung blinked, snapped out of his gloating by the blunt response. "They are?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "Terrible."

"Then... What're we gonna do?"

"Something like this requires a light touch, my student," he replied calmly. "If done properly, then they will not realize that you have done anything to help them at all." He paused and turned to look out over the grounds as shouting drifted up from below.

Tai Lung looked as well, suppressing a groan at the sight of two figures in the distance flailing about in what was surely an animated argument; and he had only one guess as to who those two figures were. "There has to be a word for that," he astutely observed; he wasn't sure what they were fighting about this time (although he _was_ sure that it was something dumb), but it must have gotten pretty heated. While he could have been mistaken, since they were so far away, he could swear that he saw Lin intentionally stomp on Master Shifu's tail.

"Perhaps not a word, so much as a phrase," Master Oogway replied thoughtfully, as Lin turned and made a run for it. "Two stubborn fools in love," he suggested.

"Who won't admit it," Tai Lung added, while Master Shifu caught up to Lin, grabbed her, and literally started dragging her away. "Or maybe _that's_ their confession."

"Doubtful," Master Oogway sighed, then turned and grabbed his staff. "I think it is about time that I intervened. Come, I will tell you what I have in mind on the way."

"M'kay," he agreed quickly and followed Master Oogway down the stairs; Lin had started to screech, and that was never a good sign. "You really think I can pull off a subtle approach?"

"Of course. And if you do not- do you really think that _those_ two will be able to tell, anyway?"

"Good point." Tai Lung winced as Lin's screeching went up an octave; whatever Master Shifu was doing to her, she was _not_ enjoying it. "I never thought I'd be saying this to _you_, Master Oogway, but we are the only sane ones around here."

Master Oogway laughed at that. "I would not be so sure."

* * *

"Honestly," Shifu huffed to himself as he leaped swiftly back and forth through the gauntlet of wooden warriors, delivering at least two dizzying blows for every wooden limb he blocked or dodged. "_Childish_," he grumbled under his breath as he kicked one dummy a bit too hard and knocked its arm off. "Not fit-" he paused as he knocked that same dummy's other arm off- "for human-" and then its head- "_interaction_." He supposed there was a possibility that he could be overreacting. He couldn't even remember _why_ he and Lin had started fighting- and the assessment that she had started it, while accurate, was still petty and childish.

He was finding it very difficult to care at the moment, though. He didn't care about the hug, about Lin's injury, about keeping his temper- he was just sick and tired of her constantly berating and teasing him. Normally she wouldn't have gotten to him that much, but she had crossed the line when she'd implied that dedicating his entire life to kung fu was not only a waste, but something he hadn't even properly thought through. He could still hear her words ringing in his ears:

"Like I would ever _need_ your help- the only thing you know how to do is beat people up! And the only reason you know how to do that much is 'cause Oogway raised you. I bet you never even _tried_ to learn anything else! You spent your whole life with proverbial tunnel vision- so quit acting like you know so much."

It made him angry just _thinking_ about her accusations. As if she were so much more experienced than he was! While he didn't know her exact age, she was obviously younger than him, and on top of that she was an employee of the Jade Palace- therefor, she was _his_ employee- and she had the nerve to treat him with no more respect than a common vagabond- which was what she was to begin with!

And on top of that, he'd had to face the humiliation of being scolded by his master, something that hadn't happened to him since he was a teenager. To be told that he was acting as childish and certifiably insane as Lin was by Master Oogway had made him feel about two inches tall. That had been the last straw, and he'd made a beeline for the training hall, ready to tear the whole place apart regardless of budgetary constraints, as long as he felt better in the end.

"Master Shifu?"

"_What?_" he snapped, whirling around to face whoever had the nerve to interrupt him, then felt rather sheepish to discover Tai Lung standing just outside the gauntlet of wooden warriors. "I mean, ah... Yes?"

"I, uhm..." The young snow leopard shuffled his feet nervously as Shifu picked his way through the rather battered wooden crocodiles to join him at the side of the obstacle course. "I could come back later, if this isn't a good time."

"No, no, this is fine," he huffed, a little embarrassed that his son had managed to pick up on how out of sorts he was. "I just... I was just training. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Okay." Tai Lung paused again and rocked back on his heels a little. "I thought that maybe, if it was okay, that I could, uhm, talk to you. About something."

"Certainly," Shifu answered immediately, and couldn't help but feel a little smug; after all, _he_ was the one Tai Lung wanted to talk to, not Lin. For _once_. "Whatever it is that you want to talk about, I am more than willing."

"Well... I was just wondering..." He cleared his throat a bit and gave a noncommittal shrug. "D'you know anything about, uhm... What it's like to, say, for instance, be in love?"

"Wh-what?" Shifu was stunned, to say the least; he had no idea where this had come from. "_Why_ would you ask something like that?"

"I just... I dunno." Tai Lung began wringing his hands together nervously as he spoke. "It's just... Something I wonder about. Sometimes. And, well, sometimes I like to read epic stories about warriors and stuff and the warriors usually fall in love. Plus when I was down in the village I met this girl, and I got to wondering about-"

"I will tell you when you are older," he interrupted immediately, his eye twitching at just the thought of having that talk one day.

Tai Lung looked puzzled at the refusal. "You won't tell me about love until I'm older?"

"Oh! You meant _that_." Shifu wondered if his mind had always been so in the gutter. "I, ah... I still don't understand what you are trying to ask me."

"I just wanna know what it feels like to be in love." He seemed to sense Shifu's reluctance to answer the question, because he innocently clasped his hands behind his back and widened his already huge, watery eyes.

Shifu could _not_ wait until Tai Lung was too old for that to work. "Well... Let me think." The last thing he wanted to admit to was having never been in love before- not _true_ love, anyway. He supposed it was enough to just describe puppy love. "You generally have a lot of things in common, you enjoy a challenging but respectful discourse-"

"Master," Tai Lung interrupted him. "I asked what it _feels_ like to be in love. Like... How do you know?"

"Huh." He furrowed his brow and thought for a bit again. "I suppose... You know when you first see a woman- a girl, in your case."

"You do?"

"Yes. You'll probably hear a lot of really sentimental, overly hyped talk about it, but really all that happens is that you think to yourself, 'I need to talk to her.' And sometimes you don't, and nothing ever happens. And sometimes you do, and you fall in love."

"Yeah, go on," the boy prompted, paying rapt attention, perhaps even more so than he did to stories of kung fu warriors.

"...And then, you, uh... Well, when you fall for someone, you're cheered up just by seeing her. And you want her to be safe and happy no matter what. And her smile makes your heart beat just a little bit faster. And no matter how many faults she has, no matter how much she may aggravate you and _push your buttons_ just because she _enjoys your pain_- you still love her, just as she is." He realized as he spoke that he still had Lin on his mind, but it would take more than an awkward talk with his son for him to forget how angry he was with her.

"Even if she always disagrees with you?"

"Yes, that, too. Because when you love someone, you love her for _everything_, the good and the bad. No matter what." As angry as he was, he still tried his best to stop thinking about Lin for at least the time being; it made him feel too much like he was actually talking about her. "So. Any other questions about... This sort of thing?"

"Yeah. Have _you_ ever felt like that about a girl?" Tai Lung stared up expectantly at him after asking that, as if he were expecting to hear some kind of epic story like the ones he read in his spare time.

Unfortunately, Shifu had no such story for him. "I, uhm... That is to say..." And it was not helping that he was _still_ thinking about Lin, despite his efforts. "Some people just do not fall in love. Ever."

"What?" Tai Lung sounded completely scandalized. "How come?"

"Well... Sometimes, for some people, it simply... Is not a priority." He cleared his throat, feeling rather uncomfortable beneath his son's disbelieving gaze. "Romance isn't everything, Tai Lung. There are many more important and fulfilling aspects of life. You will understand that-"

"When I'm older, I know," he interrupted sourly.

Shifu gave him a stern frown for that, but decided not to say anything, since he seemed to have realized his rudeness. "While this discussion has been... Interesting, I think it is about time you did some studying."

Tai Lung let out a heavy sigh, obviously not thrilled at the idea. "Yes, Master," he agreed with a bow, then turned to leave the training hall. He paused at the doorway, though, and turned back. "Just so you know, Master Oogway says it's never too late to fall in love. Y'know, in case you wanted to." With that, he scurried off before Shifu could give a reply.

He crossed his arms and shook his head as he watched his son go; he knew that the boy sometimes got a little lonely, but that was no reason to get so concerned over his love life. And he also didn't see why Master Oogway was apparently encouraging Tai Lung to think about such things. He certainly hadn't been like that when he was a child. He had been dutiful and focused, just as a student of kung fu should be. Most of his days had been spent in the training hall, and any reading he did had been about the various kung fu styles and the exploits of old masters. He supposed that _certain_ people (who would remain nameless) might view that as a wasted childhood, but he didn't see it that way. He had done those things because he loved kung fu, and he had from the moment Master Oogway had first shown it to him. He didn't see how dedication to something he loved could be considered a waste, but then very few people understood that point of view. Certainly someone like Lin, who didn't seem to overtly care about anything in particular, wouldn't understand.

Just then, the door swung open, and of course the last person in the world that he wanted to see walked in. Lin looked around for a moment, then squinted at him and walked up to him as if she were getting ready to tackle him. Then she cleared her throat, her back ramrod straight and a frown on her face as she shoved a cup of tea at him.

"What is this?" Shifu was well-aware of the hostility in his voice, and did nothing to attempt to mask it.

"Tea," she answered shortly. Then, after a moment, as if she had been trying to hold it in and could no longer contain herself, she blurted out, "It's _green_ tea, to be exact. With mint."

"Ew," he responded flatly. He didn't necessarily dislike mint, and he'd never had it with green tea, but the combination didn't sound good. And, perhaps, it was partly out of spite.

"It's supposed to be soothing," she snapped.

"Oh? And why would you want to soothe me?" He sniffed at the tea; it smelled strongly of mint, and also a little bit sweet. "Is this an apology?" He waited for her to say something, but she remained silent and her frown only deepened. "Master Oogway is making you do this, isn't he?"

"Yeah," she grunted. "Even though I'm right."

"What?" he asked incredulously. "How could you _possibly_ be right? There's nothing to be right about!" He felt like he could dismantle another wooden crocodile- or better yet, Lin's ego. "And besides, you _hit_ me!"

"Oh, wahhh," she mocked, throwing her hands up in frustration. "I didn't hit you, I stepped on your tail. I didn't even know the thing had nerves in it!"

"Well, your were mistaken," he shot back. "You must have been thinking about your _head_."

"Whatever, Sir Bawlsalot- it's not like you didn't retaliate."

"I didn't hit you!" He was offended that she would even imply such a thing; sure, she made him angry enough to want to hit _something_, if the current condition of the gauntlet of wooden warriors was any indicator, but he would never seriously consider raising a hand to her. "I would _never_ hit you."

"Maybe not, but you didn't have any problem with forcefully dragging me halfway across the grounds and threatening to throw me off the side of the mountain."

"That's different."

"How is that different?" she growled.

"I did not _actually_ throw you off the side of the mountain." Although, he had to admit that at the moment it was a rather entertaining fantasy. "And I know for a fact that I did not hurt you, so I don't see why you felt the need to shriek like you were being murdered."

She actually blushed a little at the comment, no doubt embarrassed by her earlier behavior. "I don't like to be manhandled!" she answered defensively. "Forgive me for disliking the idea of being physically dragged about by a man- last I checked, most women don't exactly find something like that comforting."

"If you think you can drag gender politics into this argument, then you are _wrong_." He had dealt with a lot from her, but he was not even going to listen to her drag something completely irrelevant into their fight just to make him feel guilty. "And need I remind you that the situation would not have escalated at all if you had not suggested that I am somehow wasting my life on kung fu!"

"I never said that!" she argued immediately. "Since when did I say that?"

"What about that line about my whole life being spent with- what was it? 'Proverbial tunnel vision?'" He couldn't believe that she was trying to deny having said it.

"Oh, come the hell on!" she huffed. "Really? You're _really_ stuck on _that?_ First of all, I didn't mean that kung fu was a waste of time- I meant that you don't care about anything else!"

He snorted at the accusation, but she just talked over him.

"And _second_- I only went so far 'cause you said that I dunno how to do anything on my own! If that's so true, smart guy, then how d'you explain the fact that I'm still alive? And _another thing_- this fight is _all you_ to begin with, so don't even try to blame any of it on me!"

"Oh, right," he scoffed, rolling his eyes at her.

"Damn straight I'm right! Y'know, all I did was point out that you had a horrible, disgusting booger in your nose- which is something that anyone would have the decency to point out. _You're_ the one who picked a fight with _me!_" She pointed accusingly at him as she spoke. "So quit complaining about a fight that _you_ started!"

"Just when I thought you could not get anymore immature, you went and used _that_ old playground standby." He had no intention of backing down from this argument, even if he _had_ started it- which he had not. He had been a little more on edge than usual after helping Lin remove her bandages, that was true, but she was the one who insisted on constantly prodding him and spurring his temper on. "And take this tea back!" he snapped for good measure.

"_Fine_." She swiped it from his hand and took a tentative sip of the tea, then another larger mouthful.

"What are you doing?" He hadn't wanted the tea, of course, but if she wanted him to drink it so much then taking a sip from the cup wasn't going to help.

"I'm just making sure it's not hot enough to burn you." Before he had a chance to comment on that, she splashed the contents of the cup in his face. "Soothing, right?"

"That is _it!_" He went after her, and just like last time she ran for it.

"What're you gonna do, chuck me off the mountain for real this time?" she called over her shoulder.

"No! I am going to throw you in front of the seven swinging clubs of instant oblivion!" He reached forward and grabbed her by the tail, then held her fast.

"Those things could kill me, y'know," she shot back as she tried to get away, which resulted in her pretty much walking in place. "You're bluffing!" she grunted as she dropped to all fours in an effort to break free from his grip.

He just stood and watched her struggle, and to his surprise he was actually able to appreciate the comedic value of the situation.

Suddenly she tossed the empty tea cup at him, and he watched with a flat glare as it hit him in the chest and fell to the floor with a clatter. "Dammit!" she cursed.

"Wow," he commented with as little emotion as possible. "Really?"

"Go to hell!"

He had to admit that she'd had a point when she'd said that the seven swinging clubs could kill her; after all, they were designed to be a challenge to even the most experienced of kung fu masters. Lin was strong for her size, but not nearly as strong as Shifu (which was illustrated quite well in their current situation) and even he had been knocked silly by the clubs. "I'll make you a deal," he finally huffed, though he didn't let go of her just yet. "If you take back what you said about me and kung fu, I will forgive you."

"You're a huge baby!" she shot back, clearly not ready to negotiate. "Oh, boohoo, I pointed out that you have a limited skill set. I thought you were supposed to be a warrior, not a _whaaaaa_rrior!"

He decided that the best thing to do in such a situation would be to carry his bluff out as far as possible, and so without replying to her insult he started dragging her toward the clubs.

"Hey!" She continued to struggle futilely against him, and then said something that made him stop in his tracks. "Since when d'you care what I think, anyway?"

"I do _not_ care!" He could feel an embarrassed blush starting to form in his cheeks, though. "What you think does not matter to me in the least!"

"And yet here we are," she pointed out smugly.

"No! What you think does not matter, because you do not- you _cannot_ understand what it is to dedicate your entire life to something that you are passionate about. You have no _clue_ what it is like to love something so much that it is as essential to you as air. There is no way you could understand, because that is how I feel about kung fu, and if you _did_ understand you would have more respect for it and you would have more respect for _me!_" He couldn't believe himself; even as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back, because despite attempting to argue against the accusation, he had made it abundantly clear that he _did_ care what she thought.

"Y'know, _I'm_ the one who should be angry at _you_, 'cause you're always making these assumptions about me that aren't necessarily true- this being the most recent example." She had taken on a rather reasonable tone, but it was difficult to take her seriously when she was laying on the floor. "Y'see, I _do_ understand how it is to dedicate your whole life to something."

"Oh? And what would that be?" He briefly contemplated resuming his bluff just to ruin her composure, but that was a little too spiteful even when it came to Lin.

"Uh..." She looked away from him, though whether she was embarrassed or trying to hide something was unclear. "C-cooking, of course. Cooking. Is the thing that I... Y'know. Love." She cleared her throat, though it was clear from her awkward answer that she was _definitely_ hiding something.

"You have dedicated your entire life to cooking?" he asked skeptically, raising one eyebrow at her. "You love cooking so much that it is as essential as air to you?"

"Yup," she replied quickly. "Absolutely." She paused and they stared each other down in silence for a moment; Shifu didn't want to be the first to break it, because he could see that she was going to say something else, and judging by how difficult it seemed to be for her to get it out, it was going to be something nice. She cleared her throat again, then spoke as if she were forcing out each and every word. "I guess I can sorta see how what I said was insulting."

"Oh?" He was enjoying seeing how painful it was to her to actually admit that she had been wrong in any way, shape, or form, and he wanted to draw it out as long as possible.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "I, uh... Well, I guess what I said _did_ imply some of that stuff you said it did. And, y'know, I didn't mean it. So..." She paused again, as if this last part were the most painful thing she'd ever had to say in her life. "...Sorry."

He waited for her to add a "but" to that, perhaps complain about how he had overreacted, but she didn't. "That's it?" He was still skeptical; after all, Lin wasn't exactly synonymous with a sincere apology.

"Whaddaya mean, 'that's it?' I said I'm sorry, what else am I supposed to say? I ain't groveling or sucking up, if that's what you want, 'cause I don't say stuff I don't mean!"

He hesitated a moment, then finally let go of her tail as his embarrassment began to catch up with him. Lin's admission that she had been out of line, while unexpected, was pretty much what he had been hoping for. And, now that he had it, he was starting to realize that he had spent most of his day making a complete fool of himself. "I, uh... Might have overreacted. A bit."

"What else is new?" she grunted as she pushed herself back to her feet. "B'sides, you subjected me to worse when you thought you could train me in kung fu." She went to pick up the tea cup she'd thrown as she spoke. "And by the way, you're a terrible friend."

"Since when am I your friend?" he asked, appalled at the idea. After all, in calling him her friend she was suggesting that there was some sort of camaraderie between them, some sort of mutual feeling of affection- and that was most definitely not the case.

She snorted at him and shook the cup in his direction, splattering him with a few leftover drops of tea. "Y'see, this is why so few people like you."

"What?" He glared at her, offended by what she'd said as usual. "_Plenty_ of people like me. And isn't that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?"

"I'll have you know that the only reason I don't have more friends is 'cause I travel so much. I'm actually an _extremely_ well-like person- much more 'an you are. And y'know why? Unlike you, _I'm_ accessible." She held out her hand and started to tick off her apparent attributes on her fingers. "I'm friendly, I'm energetic, and most importantly, I'm outgoing. Not to mention my sparkling wit."

"Spoken like a woman with bountiful experience in tooting her own horn," he shot back.

"I'm not even gonna comment on you once again using old person slang- nor on how its ludicrous nature negates your insult. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got a lotta important things to do and places to be, and I can't spend all day chit-chatting."

"Chit-chatting?" he repeated incredulously as he watched her bustle off toward the door as if they had never even fought to begin with. "You're not still angry?"

"I like to live in the present." Then, just as she was walking through the door she added, "But don't be surprised if you get the runs after dinner." With that, she slammed the door shut after her.

He stared after her, wondering if it would be better to just skip dinner altogether. He also wondered exactly what it was that she had been trying to hide from him; he supposed that she could have just been lying about having anything in her life that she was truly passionate about. However, he thought that it was more likely that she'd simply been talking about something other than cooking, which was what made him suspicious. After all, there must be a reason why she didn't want him to know what she had been talking about.

He was going to need to question her again. He knew that he needed to approach her from a different angle, though, so perhaps a "friendly" conversation was in order. He was pretty sure that he would be able to survive something of the sort.

And at some point during said conversation he was going to have to ask Lin just what she had been telling Tai Lung that had prompted the boy to start asking about love, of all things. He could understand a seven-year-old being curious about the difference between boys and girls, and even the birds and the bees- but actual _love?_ Obviously he needed to have yet another discussion with Lin about what was and what was not appropriate to talk to his son about.

In the meantime he supposed he should prepare himself for dinner by finding some ginger to chew on.

* * *

A/N: Well, there you have it. Another chapter in the bag! I don't have much to add this time around, except that "una testa di melone" literally translates to "a head of melon." Hence, melon-head. Also, hope I didn't make Shifu out to be too harsh here... He just snapped a little bit, that's all. We all have our moments/days/weeks/menopause/etc.

As for next chapter... Oogway will ask Lin for a favor, and Shifu will continue to be completely oblivious to pretty much everything.


	23. A Balanced Diet is a Cookie in Each Hand

A/N: I have a gift for all you good readers! An extra-long chapter, and an update within one week! I'm sure you're all wondering what the catch is... Well, I've recently taken up three jobs for the holiday season, so I'm going to be very short on time soon. I will still be sticking to a two week update schedule, but the chapters may decrease in length for a little while. Besides, I won't have time to update next week because of Thanksgiving + Black Friday weekend (can you say 13 hour retail shift? Blech!).

Also of note: I was asked the length I'm aiming for for the fic... Well, I'm not entirely sure. Originally it was supposed to be around 25 chapters but it grew out of my control. Now I'm thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of 32, but don't hold me to that. Anyway, this chapter has a good amount of filler, but I swear that I'm setting up for an upcoming revelation. Cross my heart.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda isn't mine yadda yadda mazel tov.

* * *

Chapter 23: A Balanced Diet is a Cookie in Each Hand

* * *

Shifu sat under the peach tree of heavenly wisdom, quietly meditating and enjoying the fresh night air. At least, he was _attempting_ to. He would have wondered when his life had become so mentally exhausting that he needed to get away from pretty much anything that breathed in order to recharge himself, but he already knew that it had started happening the moment Lin had appeared. There had once been a time when he would have been able to calm himself and blank his mind, but that time was long gone. It seemed as though every single time he had a moment to himself he spent it thinking about Lin and how much she aggravated him. Not only had she invaded his private thoughts, but she was loved by his son, trusted by his master, and she controlled his meals. It was as if she had usurped his entire life, and he wouldn't be surprised if she had done so on purpose.

He decided that the best thing he could do for himself would be to just stop thinking about her at all, at least for the moment. He was certain that he could force himself to just stop thinking altogether. He took a deep breath and did his best to relax and blank his mind. It was going fairly well, until a loud bang in the distance startled him. He opened his eyes in time to see a rocket shoot up over the valley and explode in a flurry of brilliant colored lights. "Oh no," he groaned to himself.

Mere moments later, he heard the screaming sound out over the grounds. "Firewoooooorks!"

He knew, without a doubt, that the perfect spot for viewing fireworks down in the valley was exactly where he happened to be sitting. He had only seconds to run without being detected; if he waited too long, he would run the risk of crossing paths with Lin.

"I see you are already watching the fireworks!" Master Oogway appeared behind Shifu, a long-standing habit of his. "Lin and Tai Lung are on their way."

"Well, I would love to stay and watch but I am rather tired, so-"

"Master Shifu!" Tai Lung came bounding up the steps just at that moment, effectively ruining his hasty retreat. "You're gonna watch the fireworks, too? Aren't they awesome?"

"...Yes," he sighed, and remained seated. There was no point in running anymore; Lin was undoubtedly hot on Tai Lung's heels, and no matter what excuses he made to excuse himself he would be faced with his son's innocent pleading for him to stay, and Master Oogway would most likely take the boy's side. He was stuck. "So, tell me, where is the walking headache?"

"On her way," Tai Lung replied lightly and plopped down next to him.

Shifu would have let his son know right then and there how appalled he was at the lack of proper greetings and his inappropriately casual manners, but he was once again interrupted.

"I'm here!" Lin wheezed out as she practically crawled up the steps, huffing and puffing as she collapsed in a heap on the grass. "Gimme... A minute." She had clearly run all the way from the kitchen, a level of activity that she was not used to.

"Isn't this wonderful?" Master Oogway asked nobody in particular. "I cannot remember the last time we all did something together like this."

"I can," Shifu responded, unable to keep the sour note out of his voice at the memory of the very beginning of Lin's love for infuriating him- thinking back on that peach pie _still_ angered him.

"Of course you can," Lin quipped, then crawled forward and sat down between him and Master Oogway; she had apparently caught her second wind. "An elephant never forgets." She reached out and patted him on the stomach to drive the insult home.

"Perhaps not today," he grumbled back, "and perhaps not tomorrow, but someday- _soon_- I will _destroy_ you."

"Master, look at that!" Tai Lung diverted his attention by tugging on his sleeve and pointing out toward the fireworks; one rocket had burst into a bright red bloom, and then each each point of light had begun to sparkle at it faded.

For once he was given a welcome distraction from Lin's obnoxious behavior, though the fireworks, while admittedly beautiful, were not what had caught his attention. What really cheered him up was the look of absolute wonder on his son's face; he remembered as Tai Lung let out a quiet "Oooh" at another volley of brightly colored rockets that the boy had only seen fireworks once before in his short life, as a toddler. The display was clearly a rare treat for him.

Shifu smiled at Tai Lung's delight, but quickly traded in the smile for a slack-jawed stare when he glanced at Lin on his other side; she was reacting to the fireworks with the same innocent, wide-eyed wonder as his seven-year-old son, oohing and aahing right along with him. It was a side of her that he was not used to seeing. "Don't tell me you have never seen fireworks," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Eh?" she asked distractedly, her eyes still fixated on the bright lights, before she realized exactly what he had said and answered. "Yeah, once, when I was like fourteen... Hey, look!" She perked up at a rocket that whizzed up into the sky in a spiral pattern, leaving a sparkling purple trail behind. "I don't care what anyone says, purple _is_ a real color."

"Your _face_ is a real color," Tai Lung suddenly said, though the retort made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"Tai Lung!" Shifu wasn't about to let him get away with such improper behavior, even if it had been directed toward Lin.

"Oh!" He jumped a little, startled by the reprimand. "Uh, sorry, Master. I, uhm, forgot you were there." He looked sheepish for a moment, but quickly returned to marveling at the fireworks. "It's just that... these fireworks are really great!"

"I wonder what they're for," Lin mused aloud.

"Probably a marriage celebration," Shifu answered.

The expression of wonderment on her face instantly disappeared. "Oh." Her voice was completely flat and sharp, a sure sign of her disapproval.

"What 'oh'?" He raised his eyebrows, put off by her reaction. "Marriage is a sacred union between two people, an expression of life-long love and trust. How could you _possibly_ respond with 'oh'?"

"Marriage is a _business contract_," she snapped back. "It's a business in which women are bought and sold like objects, simply to create heirs for their husbands and support their family's greed. It has never been, nor will it _ever_ be, an expression of love." She was obviously very serious about the topic. Her harsh reaction was followed by heavy silence, and Shifu regretted saying anything at all.

Luckily, Master Oogway always seemed to have a knack for diffusing situations. "No wonder I'm still single," he sighed, shaking his head.

After a moment's hesitation, Lin let out a short bark of laughter. "That's a good one!" She even went so far as to give him her signature friendly punch on the arm.

After that, they sat in silence for most of the rest of the fireworks- that is, until Lin attempted to talk about the different chemical compounds within the fireworks that caused the bright array of colors. And that had somehow segued into the wide range of uses for copper, which Master Oogway had finally (thankfully) interrupted to tell them the story of how Master Flying Rhino had forged his own armor from ore he had mined from the Jade Mountain itself, which was said to be as divine as the waters of the Pool of Sacred Tears. He had then told them of how the armor had received its authentic battle damage, by miraculously deflecting a volley of steel-tipped arrows from one thousand archers. By the time Master Oogway had finished the story the fireworks display was over and it had gotten a bit too late for Tai Lung to still be up.

Even as they all descended the stairs of the promontory together, Tai Lung still attempted to convince them to let him stay up later. "Shouldn't I meditate before I go to sleep?"

Shifu was about to turn down the suggestion when Lin surprised him by beating him to it.

"No can do, kid." She even sounded stern- for her, anyway. "You already stayed up late enough."

"But _you_ stay up late," Tai Lung protested.

"Yeah, and look how much it stunted my growth," she pointed out. "The whole rest of my family are the size of wolves."

"Really?" He looked as though he believed her a moment before his mouth turned down in a skeptical frown. "That's not true."

"You really willing to find out the hard way?" she bluffed, raising her eyebrows.

He attempted to stare her down a moment, then crossed his arms. "...Okay, I'll go to bed." And he _did_; he went off to bed on his own without any further complaint, and Shifu was left marveling at how readily he had done so.

Once Master Oogway had left for his own mysterious nighttime activities (he doubted the old master was headed off to bed just yet), he contemplated turning in for the night. However, he wasn't tired yet and to be honest he _kind of_ wanted to talk to Lin. There was still plenty he needed to speak to her about, after all- it wasn't as if he would be making a social visit. So, he ventured into the kitchen to find her again, and she was there alright- eating. "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like?" she shot back, then shoved a cookie into her mouth, chewing loudly.

"It looks as though you are attempting to grow into your fur." He was starting to get pretty good at the comebacks, if he did say so himself.

"Bravo," she replied flatly, then pulled out the chair next to her. "You earned a cookie."

He accepted the invitation and sat down, then gave in and grabbed a cookie; they were almond cookies, which were always a favorite. "I just wanted to say... Well, ahm... Good job. With Tai Lung, I mean. I did not realize you had it in you to actually enforce rules."

"So I guess I'm not such a bad influence after all," she gloated before eating another cookie.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say _that_," he grumbled, then took a bite of his almond cookie; it was the best he'd ever tasted. "This is _your_ recipe?" he blurted out, surprised.

"Nope," she answered, then licked the crumbs off her fingers. "My grandma's. She was always baking _something_, but her almond cookies were the best. Better 'an these, for sure."

"I find it difficult to believe that these cookies are not as good." He didn't know why he'd just said that; he was only feeding her already fatally bloated ego. It was as if the compliment had somehow worked its way out of his mouth of its own accord.

She blinked at him, apparently taken aback by the comment. Then, slowly, she answered him. "...Thanks." She sounded like she expected him to take it back at any moment. "You mean that?"

He had to admit that he was as surprised by her reaction as she was by the comment. "I suppose." He waited for her to start gloating and preening, but she still seemed rather unnerved.

She turned away from him and took a gulp of the tea she'd been nursing; if he didn't know any better, he'd say she was hiding a small smile. But that was preposterous. After a moment, she cleared her throat and looked at him again. "I know you're pretty dense about these things, so I'll let you know that... Well, that was sweet."

"What?" He hadn't realized he'd said anything overtly nice, and even if he had he would never have expected Lin to refer to anything, let alone something he'd said, as "sweet."

"You want some tea?" she suddenly asked, clearly embarrassed by the interaction.

"That depends." He eyed the cup warily, remembering what had happened the last time he'd turned down an offer of tea from her. "What kind is it?"

"Green," she answered.

He waited for her to go on, but she just sat there, looking at him expectantly. "...That's it?" he finally asked. "_Just_ green tea? No crazy add-ins? No unique blends? No rose, no lemon, no cinnamon, no mint, no ginger, no tears of a newborn babe sweetened with nectar of the sacred lotus? Regular green tea?"

"Disappointed?" she asked flatly, rolling her eyes as she stood up to get him a cup.

"No, I'm _astonished_. I did not realize you were capable of making a normal pot of tea."

"Believe it or not, even I can appreciate the beauty of simplicity," she informed him haughtily as she poured him a cup of tea and returned to the table with it. "And by the way," she added after she handed the cup to him, "'the sacred lotus' is slang for _vagina_, so I'd be careful with that if I were you."

"Lovely," he grumbled and set his tea down, a number of horrifying mental images crossing his mind at that bit of information. "You really know how to ruin almost anything, don't you?"

"It's a gift." Then, to make matters worse, she slurped her tea- the sound did _not_ evoke any pleasant thoughts.

"One person's gift is another's curse," he pointed out, then did his best to blank his mind. "What is your obsession with genitals, anyway?"

"I have no particular affinity to genitals- I just like how squeamish you get when I mention 'em."

"Then I will simply have to get over my squeamishness," he argued.

"Okay," she agreed. "I'll let you know next time I see a flying pig." She then grabbed another two cookies from the jar she'd had them stashed in.

"You might want to slow down." He rarely saw her eat that much- even though she stuffed food into her mouth as if her life depended on it during meals, her portions were never overtly large and she almost never had seconds, and while she did often eat dessert it was usually something small. So the fact that she was ploughing through an entire jar of almond cookies was rather unusual.

"I'll be fine," she grumbled around a mouthful of crumbs, then gulped down some more tea. "Well, I'll probably get sick later on tonight, but that'll pass. It's worth it."

He disagreed with that particular sentiment, but decided to make no comment. "May I have another cookie, or will you eat my hand if I try to reach in there?"

"I'm stressed, okay?" She dropped another couple of cookies in front of him, then narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "...So what's the deal?"

"Huh?" He paused with his cup of tea halfway to his mouth and raised his eyebrows back at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what're you doing here? You got nothing better to do 'an watch me eat cookies and make funna me for it?" Even as she spoke she was still eating.

"I have _plenty_ of better things to do."

"Prove it and get lost."

He watched her for a moment; she definitely _looked_ like she was under a lot of stress, though he couldn't imagine why. "What, exactly, is wrong?"

"It's nothing. I'll get over it." She poured herself another cup of tea as she spoke. "The one thing you can count on in life is that nothing lasts."

"That's... Depressing."

"Not really. Not for someone like me. It means that everything's always changing, maybe for the better. It means new experiences, learning, growth. That kinda thing." She leaned back in her seat and shrugged. "Like I said, what's bothering me... It'll pass."

"Alright, then." He wanted to leave it at that and move on- he really, truly did. "...So what is it that's bothering you?" And yet he simply could not. He wouldn't have been able to explain it if he tried, but he needed to know.

"Like I said before, it's nothing," she huffed, crossing her arms. "Y'know, I just..." She paused then, and furrowed her brow as if she were thinking, then hesitantly went on. "There's this man."

For some inexplicable reason, his stomach lurched at that. "...And?" he prodded.

"And he's sitting in my kitchen, _irritating_ me with personal questions while I'm trying to enjoy my cookies," she snapped.

"Very well." He might not have had a clever comeback prepared, but there was another technique at his disposal, one he had learned from Lin. "Do not tell me about your troubles. Allow them to build up and fester inside, forming an unpleasant ball of tension in the pit of your stomach. See if I care."

She glared at him a moment, then tossed a cookie at his head.

"Hey!"

"Fine, have it your way," she conceded grudgingly. "I'm just stressed about, y'know... This."

"This?" he repeated, confused. "Eating cookies stresses you out?"

"_No_, cookies don't stress me out!" She took a moment to glare at him, then continued. "I mean 'this' as in, well, right now. Living in the Valley of Peace and all."

He raised an eyebrow at her, still confused; he wasn't entirely sure what she was getting at. "Last I checked, the Valley of Peace is not exactly the most stressful place in the world."

"It's not so much the place as the situation," she answered, then paused. "I'm not sure how to describe it."

"You can say it's because I intimidate you. I'll be flattered." He wasn't serious, of course, but she looked pretty confused at the statement.

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to this whole joke coming from your mouth thing." She blinked a few times, staring at him. "Are you okay?"

"Very funny," he huffed, though he supposed he deserved it. "I hope that you're not trying to avoid my question." He waited for her to answer him, but she remained silent for a little while longer.

"Okay, I got it," she finally said. "You ever meet someone who's in your life for maybe a week or so- someone who's just passing through? And you like this person okay, and this person seems to like you okay, but you know they're only gonna be around for a few days, and then they'll leave, and by the next week they'll have forgotten all about you already. You ever met someone like that?"

"Yes, I think I know what you're talking about," he answered slowly; he could see what she was getting at, but he didn't say anything in the hopes that he was wrong.

"Well, I'm like that. I been like that, anyway... For a while. You guys're the only people I've met in the past three years whose names I even remember."

"That must be lonely," he replied, without even thinking; he realized what he'd said after the words left his mouth, and was a little embarrassed by it. After all, he doubted that Lin appreciated him pointing out such a thing, and on top of one of the few times she'd ever told him anything about herself with even an ounce of honesty.

"Yeah," she answered simply; she didn't sound angry at him. "I mean, it's fine once you get used to it."

"I suppose so." He had never really had a time in his life like that, when he had gotten used to the idea of being alone; to know that anyone at all felt that way was rather saddening. "Why have you been living like that?"

"Lotsa reasons." She shrugged, apparently not planning to elaborate. "Y'know, it's kinda weird to be having a regular conversation with you. I hafta keep suppressing the urge to make fun of you."

"For once, I actually agree with you." He could tell that he wasn't going to get any further with her in their previous conversation, so he followed her lead and changed the subject. "Not that you don't still annoy me."

"_You're_ a lot more annoying 'an I am," she argued. "You nosy bastard." The statement didn't sound at all malicious, though.

"And yet you continue to talk to me," he pointed out.

"Hey, good point," she replied, then got up from the table and left the room.

He stared after her, wondering if she was going to come back or not; perhaps she'd been serious.

"That was a joke, by the way." Lin stuck her head back in the room to give him an exasperated look. "But seriously, I'm turning in for the night. Seeya." With that, she walked away.

Shifu shook his head to himself; he couldn't believe that he'd actually fallen for that. There were a lot of things about that night that he couldn't believe, to be honest. The entire conversation he'd had with Lin seemed surreal to him, especially the fact that it hadn't ended in a fight. He had to admit, he had become accustomed to her presence, if nothing else.

That was also why he was concerned. Lin had admitted herself that she hadn't stayed in any one place for much longer than a week at a time for the past three years, and if that was really the case, then the chances weren't very good that she would be staying in the Valley of Peace for much longer. Especially if the mere idea of settling down somewhere really disturbed her that much, and he didn't think she'd been lying to him. If Lin were to leave now, after- after _Tai Lung_ had become so attached to her, it would certainly break his heart. And Shifu would miss her cooking. A little bit.

He sighed and leaned his elbows on the table; he didn't know why he was so concerned about Lin leaving; after all, when she had first begun working at the Jade Palace, he'd wanted nothing more than for her to beat a hasty retreat. And it wasn't as if she had even said that she would leave for sure- all she had told him was that it had been a few years since she had settled down last. And that settling down made her feel uneasy. ...And that she was perfectly content with the philosophy that nothing in life ever lasted.

He let out a low groan under his breath; it was a miracle she hadn't _already_ left the Valley of Peace. He wasn't sure if there was anything he could do to stop her, either. If he brought it up, he risked giving her ideas if she hadn't thought to leave already. And if she had, she might feel as though he still wanted her gone. Or, even worse, she might think that he wanted her to _stay_. He supposed the best thing to do was to try to avoid driving her away- try to get along with her, and show her how good life could be in the Valley of Peace. It would be difficult, to say the least, but he had handled more difficult situations. He couldn't think of any at the moment, but that wasn't the point.

He decided to get some sleep; he wasn't going to be able to think of anything right that moment, and he'd had a long day. It would be best to give himself some time to rest and recharge, and address the situation in the morning- if there even was a situation. For all he knew, he could be overreacting and blowing what Lin had said completely out of proportion in his own mind. Still, it was better to be safe than sorry. At least, that was what he was going to tell himself over and over again to try to get himself through spending time with her.

* * *

Despite the absolutely drool-inducing smells wafting from the kitchen and his own stubborn nature, Shifu almost balked. He was about to do the unthinkable: he was about to treat Lin with more civility than she even possessed in her entire body, let alone deserved. Even after a good night's rest, he had still been concerned about her leaving (but only for Tai Lung's sake) and had come to the conclusion that the only way to settle his nerves on the subject would be to at least do _something_ to prevent it. And, if he treated her nicely enough, she might open up and tell him whether or not she was actually planning to leave the Valley of Peace.

"Good morning," he greeted as casually as he could as he strode into the kitchen and sat down in his usual seat at the table. "What smells so good?"

"Breakfast," she answered shortly, "which you once again _missed_. Your lonely son is in the training hall with Oogway already."

He managed to squash his anger at the passive-aggressive statement, and instead focused on something less rage inducing to discuss. "So what did you make?"

"I decided to use the last of our tofu and fresh vegetables to make something of a medley. I was gonna just throw your portion away, but since you _finally_ got here, you might as well eat it." With that, she dropped a plate and a cup of tea in front of him, then returned to the counter, which she had been wiping down.

He eyed her suspiciously as he realized something about her that he had never really noticed before: she didn't like it when he missed meals. It seemed like such a small thing to get angry about, yet at the same time so obvious. And yet he had never put two and two together; all those times when she had treated him badly directly after missing out on a meal had never registered with him, probably because she didn't treat him much better when he was present. But he could see in her body language and hear in her tone that she was legitimately annoyed with him, and it was obvious from her comments what she was annoyed about. "I am sorry," he blurted out before he could stop himself. "For missing breakfast, that is." He supposed since he'd already apologized he might as well tell her why he was late. "I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I needed some time to meditate and clear my head."

"Hmph," she replied coldly, scrubbing vigorously at one spot on the counter, apparently trying to get a particularly tough stain out- he took note of the fact that she was doing so with her left arm. Then, after a few more moments she finally gave in and answered him with real words. "Next time just stop by and say something. I don't like waiting for your- your _slow and not fast_ ass."

"Slow and not fast?" he repeated, amazed at how ridiculous some of the things that came out of her mouth could be.

"You heard me," she grumbled.

He didn't see why she even cared whether he showed up to meals or not, but he supposed he should have said something; he hadn't realized that she'd waited for him. "So..." He searched for something else to say to her, anything at all. "...What have you got planned for today?" He cursed himself for the stupidity of the question; she was a _cook_ after all, how much variety could her schedule possibly have?

"Nothing much," she grunted, though her curt tone was mainly due to the effort she was putting into scrubbing the countertop. "Cooking, baking, all that jazz. I also gotta head down to the village after this for some heavy duty grocery shopping."

"Ah." He nodded, even though she wasn't even facing him to see it. "That sounds... Interesting." He was horrible at small talk, and he knew it, but there was nothing he could really do about it except to keep asking questions. But it was difficult to think of something to ask Lin that she wouldn't find invasive, and he spent so much time thinking about what to bring up next that he ended up letting the conversation lapse into awkward silence. Then he worried about whether or not it would even be appropriate to break said silence, because Lin seemed so fixated on her duties that he wondered if this was a sign that she wasn't in the mood to talk.

Luckily, she was the one to break the silence. She actually stopped scrubbing, tossed the washcloth haphazardly aside, then turned around to face him. She hesitated a moment, then leaned back against the counter and awkwardly crossed her arms. "Hey... You wanna... I dunno. Come with me?"

"Why?" he asked immediately, suspicious; Lin would never even ask him to accompany her across the room, let alone all the way down to the village.

"Well, my arm is sore," she admitted. "And I would appreciate some help."

"So in other words," he concluded with no small amount of smugness, "you _need_ help." It perhaps was not the best time to bring up that old argument, but he couldn't stop himself; some habits were just too difficult to break. Besides, it felt strange to speak to Lin without actually fighting... As if something were missing.

"No," she protested immediately, still unwilling to admit that she needed anyone's help, even when she had just asked for it. "I don't _need_ help, I _want_ help. There's a difference."

He couldn't believe that she was arguing with him about it. "What is the difference, then?"

"The difference is that if you say no, then I'll be able to manage on my own," she clarified. "Saying that I _need_ your help implies that I would not be able to go alone."

He wasn't going to give up the argument so easily, though; for once, he just wanted her to admit that she needed help with something, even something as trivial as a grocery trip. "Well if you can manage on your own, then why did you ask me to come along?"

"'Cause it'd make my life easier," she huffed, crossing her arms. "But I shoulda known you wouldn't wanna make _my_ life any easier. Never mind that whole oath you took to help people."

"People in _need_," he corrected, and leveled her with a flat glare, waiting for her to finally admit defeat.

"Okay, I'll go alone," she sniffed and turned around to leave. "And since I don't gotta wait for you, I'll just leave right now." With that, she bustled out of the kitchen.

Shifu took a sip of his tea as he watched the doorway, waiting for her to realize that she hadn't brought any bags or baskets with her. He didn't have to wait long.

"I forgot my bags," she grunted as she stomped back into the kitchen, rubbing at her shoulder as she went.

"Don't do that." He knew that she was only trying to make him feel guilty for refusing to carry her groceries for her. "You'll only make your shoulder sore for real."

"It _is_ sore for real." She glared at him a moment, then grabbed her bags and headed back to the doorway. "And if you are willing to sit here on your chubby little butt while an injured woman carries the heavy groceries that _you_ are going to stuff your face with up a mountain, then that is your business."

He _hated_ when she guilted him- the only thing she was better at than insulting people was making them feel guilty. "Is your arm _really_ bothering you?"

"Hey, if I was lying you wouldn't know. But wouldn't it just _kill_ you if you didn't come with me, and you were sitting around up here wondering whether or not my arm was _really_ bothering me?"

"You have a problem." He knew that she was going to continue badgering him until he gave in anyway, so he might as well just join her down in the village. He hadn't gone into the village in quite some time, and it _would_ be nice to get some fresh air. "Alright, I give in," he sighed and stood up. "Hand me a bag, then."

"Here." Of course she dumped all of the bags into his hands. "And try to keep up, old man, I like to get my shopping done quickly."

The crack about his age had become so routine that it barely even bothered him anymore; not enough to say anything about it, anyway. "What do you need to get?" He followed her out onto the grounds, surprised at how fast she could walk when she actually wanted to.

"Everything," she answered, her tone more business-like than he was used to. "I mean, we could probably manage a few more days on what we have, but the weather's nice today and it's best not to wait too long to refill the pantry, y'know? Plus, if we go grocery shopping this morning I can make curry tonight."

Of all her traits that irked him, Shifu had to admit that he found her love for curry to be the most physically distressing. "Is this going to be a dish that my stomach can handle?" He sincerely doubted it, but he thought it best to ask anyway.

"You can handle a mild chickpea curry," she huffed back, rolling her eyes at him. "Honestly, you're a more finicky eater 'an your seven-year-old son."

"Why must you mock absolutely every aspect of my life?" He only wished he knew enough about her to retaliate.

"'Cause you're very mockable," she replied casually as they reached the thousand steps into the village.

He stayed close to her on the staircase, just in case she fell- she didn't exactly have a good track record, after all. "I am about ninety-nine percent sure that 'mockable' is not a real word."

"See, this is why you're always so high-strung," she pointed out, her know-it-all attitude working its way to the forefront. "You're finicky, you're nitpicky, you're a _control freak-_"

"I am _not_ a control freak," he huffed indignantly.

"_Please_," she scoffed, "Tai Lung told me once that you have a written schedule worked out for the _entire year_. What about that doesn't scream 'control freak'?"

He was going to have to talk to Tai Lung about what was and what was not appropriate to tell other people in regards to the lives and habits of others. "Well, I do not necessarily _stick_ to it like glue! After all, _this_ was not scheduled."

"Wow, way to get _wild_."

He glared at her a moment, then reminded himself that he was _attempting_ to get along with her. Yet that seemed more and more like an impossible task with each and every word that came out of her mouth. "You know what? This conversation is over. I think it would be best for both of us if we just continued this trip in silence."

"Fine, whatever," she agreed easily, to his surprise. And then she surprised him even further by going through with her agreement and not saying anything at all as they descended the stairs into the village.

Once or twice he contemplated breaking the silence, but he couldn't bring himself to do so when he had been the one to suggest it in the first place. By the time they reached the village and headed toward the market a heavy awkwardness had descended upon them, one that not even the bright colors and bustling crowds could chase away. As they approached the wide main street of the marketplace, he supposed he probably _should_ say something- anything, really- to break the tension, but nothing was coming to mind. He was starting to think that he'd never be able to start up a conversation with her when an opportunity arose.

Lin suddenly slowed down considerably, despite the villagers hurrying about around her, her eyes straying to a stand that was selling... Rocks. Simple, rough, unpolished rocks and minerals.

"Why are you looking at rocks?" Shifu's curiosity got the better of him and he approached the stand to get a closer look- perhaps the items would give him more insight to her past (or her unusual mind).

"No!" she protested, chasing after him. "I wasn't looking at those, it was just... Just..." She trailed off as they stopped in front of the booth and bit her lip as she stared down at the wares. "Oh, don't do this to me."

"Do what?" The vendor didn't appear to be present, and he even went so far as to lean forward to make sure the vendor wasn't simply a small species he couldn't see. "Do you think he went on a bathroom break?" On the bright side, they were at least speaking again- for the most part as if the awkward silence had never happened.

"Maybe. Let's go before he gets back and starts talking about how great- oh, _titanium!_" Her eyes widened as she leaned over some miniscule pieces of ore and pressed her fingers to her mouth; she looked like a young girl marveling at fine jewelry.

"What could you _possibly_ need titanium for?" he huffed, though his interest was piqued.

"Y'know, a lotta people say that, but you'd be surprised at the kinda bright, sharp-" She suddenly stopped herself, then let out a disparaged sigh. "But I can't afford titanium."

"Oh." He had really wanted to know what she'd been about to say, and he would have asked, but she continued ranting about the seemingly innocuous minerals.

"What I could really use- _look!_" She startled him by reaching out and grabbing his sleeve, then giving it a little tug, like a child who wanted a toy would. "Look, _iron oxide_. Oh, I _love_ iron oxide." She stared longingly down at the chunk of rock, her hand still bunched in his sleeve.

Shifu cleared his throat, an awkward blush rising to his cheeks with every passing moment she spent clinging to him. "Uhm, not to ruin your mood, but-"

"_Smalt!_"

"What?"

"And look! Lapis lazuli! He has lapis lazuli! When's the last time you've seen _lapis?_ Oh my _God_, it's so expensive." She reached out a single finger and gave the dirty blue rock a gentle poke. "I've only ever seen lapis _once_," she said, her voice practically a whisper.

"That's, uhm... Good for you. I suppose." He still had absolutely no idea what all the fuss was about.

"I wonder if he's selling any _copper_. Ooh, or limestone. I don't see either of those here, though... Maybe not, then." She paused and swept her gaze over the stand's wares one more time. "I don't have that kinda money, though." With one last dejected sigh, she gave his sleeve (which she had refused to let go of) a sharp tug. "C'mon, before I _die_ here. You shouldn't drag me to places like this, it's _torture_."

He honestly had no idea what to say to her. What he had witnessed had been bordering on completely insane. "You _really_ like rocks, don't you?"

Then, inexplicably, she replied, "Not especially."

"...I wonder about you sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" She reached out and poked him in the side, then turned and headed toward a produce stand, dragging him along with her.

"You can let go of me now," he informed her.

"No," she snapped, startling him with her instant refusal.

"...Why not?" He could feel himself blushing at the thought of having to walk around the marketplace arm in arm with his cook- it was not exactly the most enjoyable of mental images.

"'Cause I brought you down here for a reason, and I don't want you wandering off like some kinda awestruck little kid."

"And why on earth would I want to wander off?"

"Don't get a big head over this-" She paused, then snorted to herself. "I mean, don't get a _bigger_ head over this, but those women over by the fruit stand are giving you the eye."

"Really?" Without even thinking he whirled around to look over his shoulder, but was stopped by Lin reaching out, grabbing his mustache, and yanking his head back around. "Hey!"

"Nice job, Cap'n Obvious." She then topped off her physical abuse by elbowing him- _hard_- in the side. "They're not supposed to know that you know that they're looking at you, dummy. Now you blew up your whole spot- not that you woulda had a chance in hell, anyway."

"How do you know all that?" he grumbled, rubbing at his sore snout.

"How's about this: _I'm a woman_." She rolled her eyes at him, clearly disgusted, then turned to a vegetable stand to start picking through some cabbage. "Hence, I know how women think, I know how they operate, and I know that they're only looking over here 'cause they know exactly who you are- you ain't hard to spot with those ears, y'know."

"Now look here-" he was interrupted when she shoved two cabbages at him, practically punching him in the stomach as she did so.

"I mean, let's face it: you're pretty goofy looking. Although, women don't care that much about that kinda stuff, depending on how much money you make and how much social status you got."

"I will have you know that _many_ women find me attractive," he huffed, offended; he didn't see why she was always so quick to point out his physical flaws. He knew for a fact that if he so much as thought of trying the same thing with her she'd refuse to feed him for a week. "And I can be quite charming when I want to be." Well, that was a little bit of a lie, but she'd never find out.

"Oh yeah?" She was going to do something horrific to him, he could already tell. "You thinking of trying to prove it by going to talk to those women over there?"

"Maybe I am!"

"Well, they _are_ looking over here again." She eyed him as if he were one of the vegetables in the stand, which was not a good sign. "Alright, then."

Shifu had a hard time believing that she would agree to something like that so easily, especially after she had started an argument over it. "What is the catch?"

"No catch," she replied casually as she pulled her handkerchief out of her belt. "Before you go over there, though, you gotta make sure you look your best." With that, she grabbed him by the collar, spit into the handkerchief, and rubbed it into his cheek.

"What are you doing?" He attempted to recoil, but she only yanked him closer.

"You got a little schmutz," she replied smugly, then finally let him go, shaking out her handkerchief. "Sorry, did I embarrass you in front of your girlfriends?" she then asked with false sweetness. "I'm sure they didn't see that. Go say hello!" She even slapped him in the arm with the cloth. "_Good luck_."

"I just want you to know," he growled back, "that if you were to ever have children, there would be that many more serial killers in this world."

"I better get started then." She shoved a couple of bunches of carrots at him. "The population could use some thinning out." She followed up the carrots with scallions. "You better take over here while I go find someone to knock me up, and I'll meet you back up on the mountain after I get laid."

"So this is the last time I'll ever see you." He might as well insult her right back, since they were already arguing. "You should know that I am not very good at goodbyes."

She glared at him a moment, then cleared her throat. "D'you know what the fastest way to a man's heart is?"

"Yes, I know, through his stomach." He rolled his eyes at the old adage; if that were true, even _he_ would have fallen for her.

"No," she argued, catching him off-guard. Then she formed her hand into a fist and held it up menacingly. "It's through his chest."

"You are an abusive, grating, vindictive little piece of lint," he snapped, snatching the garlic she held out to him and stuffing it into his grocery bag. "And no man in his right mind would _ever_ want you to bear his children."

"Flattery won't get you anywhere today, but I appreciate the effort." She started looking through onions, squeezing them one by one to find the firmest ones. "Y'know, at least _my_ kids would have normal sized heads. If _you_ ever knocked a woman up, she'd die in childbirth trying to pass your kid's huge melon."

"I hear insanity is genetic," he shot back.

"It sure is," she agreed. "My dad used to suffer from delusions of grandeur- he thought he was the head of the household, y'see. You and him have that in common."

"Well, you know what they say. Women always end up cooking for men like their fathers." He caught several onions that she tossed his way, then raised an eyebrow at her. "And will you be carrying _any_ of these groceries today?"

"No," she scoffed without even a moment's hesitation. "That's what _you're_ here for."

"I am moments away from picking you up and throwing you," he warned, then flushed with embarrassment when he realized from the strange looks the vendor and their fellow patrons were giving them that everyone around them had heard their unusual exchange. "Perhaps we should move along." "Whatsamatter, embarrassed?" She leaned over some snow peas, then held out her hand. "Gimme a small bag," she ordered.

"What are you, my wife?" he groused as he handed over a bag.

"No, God willing. It's hard enough trying to _feed_ you, let alone take care of you." She began filling the bag with snow peas as she spoke. "By the way, whaddaya think about something simple for lunch, like snow peas with garlic and ginger over rice?"

"Even if I tell you what I think, you won't listen to me anyway."

"Naw, I value your opinion." She handed the bag of snow peas to him. "Just not as much as I value _my_ opinion. Now c'mon." She turned and headed out into the crowd- though not before grabbing onto his sleeve again- barely giving him enough time to pay.

"There is no need to lead me about like a child," he grumbled, and yet he still followed her. He had so many things he still wanted to ask her, though, and he wanted her to at least be in a passable mood- which meant going along with her, even if she dragged him. "So..." He tried to think of an innocuous enough topic to keep her from getting suspicious. "...Where did you learn to cook?" he settled on.

"My grandmother, of course," she readily answered.

"Not your mother?" He recalled her occasionally mentioning her mother, so it couldn't be that she had grown up without one.

"Nah," she sighed as she stopped at a fruit stand and started inspecting apples for bruises. "My mom didn't even like being in the same room as me. She wasn't about to teach me anything."

He had a hard time believing that about any mother. "Was that because you were as crude and mean as a child as you are today?"

"Not quite," she scoffed. "Try this one on for size: I was always the _nice_ one."

"'The nice one?' By what standard?" He couldn't see Lin being "the nice one" ever, even in a group of murderers and thieves.

"It's true," she argued, dumping an armful of apples into his bag. "I come from a very mean family. I was always the 'soft' one, y'know? Always being kind, showing sympathy, crap like that."

"You?" he scoffed. "Somehow I doubt it."

She snorted as she picked out oranges. "I like how you have no trouble believing that there's an Invisible Trident of Destiny on that empty stand in the hall-"

"It _is_ there," he protested, but she just glared at him and continued.

"And yet you regard the idea of me having any kinda good qualities as a complete fabrication." She then dumped the oranges on him, as well. "I can be nice, too, y'know. I've _been_ nice to you, and to Tai Lung and Oogway. In fact, I'm nice to _most_ people."

She did have a point there- at least, Tai Lung certainly wouldn't like her so much if she hadn't been kind to him. "Then explain why you are so hellbent on making me miserable."

"Well, that's the thing," she replied matter-of-factly as she dropped some limes into his bag. "I _was_ nice to you to begin with. Yet, from the moment we met, _you_ were the one treating _me_ like crap, if I recall correctly."

He felt more than a little sheepish when she pointed that out; in hindsight, he could see that her claim was... Well, it was true. He'd had good reason, at least, and he would have said so if she hadn't continued speaking.

"I tried, I really did. And you just kept right on acting like a huge ass. So, finally, I thought to myself, 'Y'know what? Bitch wanna play that game? Fine. I be _bringing it_.' And the rest is history. Catch!" She tossed a few lemons his way and continued on shopping as if they had just been discussing the weather.

"I am going to disregard everything that was wrong with what you just said and focus on the matter at hand- you are telling me that the only reason you go out of your way to aggravate me is that I was distrustful and unfriendly toward you to begin with?"

"That's why I started, yes," she replied, then handed him a bunch of persimmons.

He decided not to ask what they could possibly need persimmons for and stay on topic. "Then... Would it be possible for us to call a truce?"

"No," she answered without even a moment's hesitation.

"Why not?" he snapped, annoyed by how quickly she'd refused.

"'Cause I may have _started_ treating you like a plaything on my game board as a vendetta, but _now_ I just do it for pure enjoyment." She raised her eyebrows at the expression of shock and rage on his face. "Oh, c'mon. I've toldya about a million times that I'm just in it for the laughs."

"I don't think I ever truly believed you until now," he said, shaking his head.

"Relax, tubby." She handed him two bunches of bananas. "You like it, too- and don't deny it. If you didn't, you wouldn't try to get me back. It's just the nature of our relationship. Accept it, _embrace _it, and move on. Ooh, a sale on quinces!"

"I cannot help but feel as though you are mocking me, even now."

"Them's the breaks."

"Apparently so," he huffed as he accepted the armful of quinces she shoved at him. "And what, exactly, are you going to do with quinces?"

"Oh, there's plenty- quince jelly, poached quinces with honey, quince lime sauce-"

"Alright, I get it." He probably shouldn't have even asked. "Do you always buy this much when you're in the market?"

"Only when I have my walking money purse with me," she replied, then gave him a fond pat on the stomach.

"Lovely." His humiliation was then brought to a head when the vendor, a rather large pig with black markings, decided to jump into the conversation.

"I know how it feels," he sympathized. "To tell the truth, most of what you're spending here's gonna end up in _my_ wife's hands."

"We're not married," Shifu replied as quickly as he could get the words past his lips; that was the absolute _last_ mix-up he wanted happening.

Of course, Lin would not let him escape embarrassment so easily. "No, we're just living in sin," she added. "Like I always say, how can it be wrong when it feels so _right?_" She even topped off the lie by batting her eyes at Shifu in a parody of a love struck expression. "So how much do we owe you?"

He let out an audible groan, no longer worried about what the villagers around him would think; after all, his reputation was already done for as it was. He hadn't expected the shopping trip to go _well_, but he'd at least thought that he would have been able to strike some type of truce with Lin. Apparently, though, that was impossible. What he really needed to concentrate on doing was keeping himself from attempting to strangle her before the trip's end.

"C'mon, _honeybunch_, we still gotta stock up on grains," she called over her shoulder as she headed off to the next stand, leaving him to pay for the piles of fruit she'd bought, as well as haul said fruit around.

He had a feeling that it was going to be very difficult to restrain himself. _Especially_ after the vendor told him just how much she had spent.

* * *

It had been an exceedingly strange day, Lin reflected as she stood in the Hall of Heroes, trying to gain some inspiration from all the grand artifacts surrounding her. First, Shifu had surprisingly agreed to help her on a shopping trip- and had actually seemed interested in conversing with her, and spending time with her. That had been a first, for sure. Especially since he didn't seem to be concerned at all with grilling her relentlessly about her past, as he was sometimes wont to do. He had even helped her put all the food away once they'd gotten back to the Jade Palace, and had at least feigned interest when she'd started talking about the differences between glutinous and non-glutinous rice. He also hadn't seemed at all suspicious when she'd slipped up and stopped at that stand selling minerals and ores- she supposed that his thick head _did_ have its uses.

That hadn't even been the most unnerving part of the day, either. After lunch, Oogway of all people had sought her out to ask her a favor- hence her current presence in the Hall of Heroes. She was still running through the conversation she'd had with Oogway over and over again in her head, barely able to believe that it had happened. He'd just walked right up to her and asked her, as if the request were no greater than asking her to pick some peaches.

"Are you sure?" she'd asked, stunned by the request. "I mean, isn't this supposed to be some sorta great honor bestowed upon only the most skilled of masters?"

"Well, yes," he'd admitted. "Either that, or it is bestowed upon someone with very good connections. And I believe that, in this field, you have quickly become as well-connected as it is possible to be. After all, I _am_ the Grand Master of kung fu."

"True." She had still been nervous- fearful of messing up or taking too long. The job seemed totally out of her league, so she had tried to think of any excuse whatsoever to turn him down. "But isn't it kinda fulla yourself, y'know, for _you_ to ask someone to do this, instead of Shifu or someone asking about it?"

"I don't think so," he'd argued benignly. "After all, I do not plan to live forever, and when the time comes for me to pass on to the next world, I am sure that Shifu will want to honor me. It never hurts to be prepared."

"Wait, what if you outlive Shifu?"

At that statement, he had merely gazed calmly at her with an expression that read, "There's no way in hell that's going to happen, and I know it."

"Oh snap," she'd breathed at that. "Does Shifu know you're planning to kick the bucket on him?"

"Not for some time yet." He had then held up a hand to signal that if she asked anything more on the subject, he would not be answering. "And do not try to change the subject. I have made this request of you for a reason- because you are the one I want for this job."

"But haven't you had this done before?" She had still argued, even though she'd known it was futile. "I mean, can't you just-"

"No." He had spoken much more firmly than she was used to, and it was the first time he had ever cut her off. "Lin, I want you to do this because seldom have I met people even remotely like you, and even those few do not measure up. It may sound to you like a cliche, but you are unique. And yours is the point of view that I desire. Surely you understand."

She definitely hadn't had an argument for that. It had been one of the strangest, yet most touching compliments she'd ever received. It had taken her quite some time to respond, and when she finally did all she had managed to get out was a weak, "But what if I can't?"

"You can," he'd replied simply. "I believe that you can. And I am sure that, despite your fears, you do too." He'd paused to give her a warm smile, then, and she still couldn't believe how much her spirits had been bolstered by that simple gesture of good faith.

"Okay," she'd finally agreed. "I'll do it."

"Excellent. Of course, I will compensate you properly."

That was where she had drawn the line, and while she had spent the good part of an hour cringing after the fact, she was glad that she'd at least had enough integrity to do the right thing. "I can't accept your money," she'd worked out, her voice strained by the pain it had caused her to turn down payment. After all, the sum normally collected for such a job was easily twice the amount she had already saved up from working at the Jade Palace, and even then she was compensating for her lack of experience and notoriety. She knew for a fact that each of her old Masters would have no qualms about charging four or five times that much.

"I could not let you do such a thing," Oogway had predictably argued, ever the generous old lump of sugar. "After all, have you not been saving your money for a journey? Surely even a small payment would assist you."

"Nope." She had somehow kept her resolve. "You... You're my friend. And I know that I complain a lot about my salary, but it's mostly just to annoy Shifu. Really, you've helped me a lot just by letting me be the cook around here. So, as a favor for a friend, and to thank you for your kindness, I can't in good conscience possibly accept any form of monetary compensation." She'd felt ready to throw up after saying something like that; so much money, and she'd turned it all down.

"Thank you." The sincere gratitude that had been clear in his voice was worth it, at least. "I know you have suffered a few setbacks in your travels so far, so at least allow me to compensate you for materials. After all, these things are traditionally very, well..."

"Glitzy."

"Yes. That. Don't go overboard, though- I do not want to be covered in gold and lapis. _Then_ I would seem full of myself."

"Good point. Okay, I'll accept compensation for materials. And of course I don't need to remind you to keep this on the down low."

"Of course."

"Then it looks like we got ourselves a deal." She had reached out and clasped his hand at that, a sign in her hometown that a verbal contract had been confirmed. Then, just for the hell of it, she'd formed a fist and bumped her knuckles up against his; that had elicited a hearty chuckle.

Yet now, even after the shock had worn off, she was at a loss. Oogway had given her no specific requests on what he'd wanted. He'd simply told her that he trusted her judgement. So, she had been left with enough yuan to choke a small horse (he would certainly be getting change back after she bought her materials) and absolutely no idea what to do. She supposed she could just... Wait for something to come to her. It seemed like such a weak cop-out, though.

She walked over to the Sword of Heroes and stared at the jade green etching of a dragon along the blade. According to Tai Lung, the sword was apparently so sharp that she could cut herself just by looking at it, but she didn't believe that; in fact, most of the kung fu stories he told her sounded like pure fantasy. They usually involved mystical powers, demons, chi manipulation- in other words, they were just fairy tales. She wouldn't even bring up the Invisible Trident of Destiny in conversation with him; as she had suggested to Shifu earlier, there were so many things wrong with that particular display in the Hall of Heroes that she didn't even want to go there.

She was getting distracted. But then again, that might just be what she needed. She knew from experience that if she spent too long thinking about a project she'd end up thinking herself right into a corner- so a little breather here and there was necessary. Besides, she would need to get dinner started soon anyway; curry was fairly easy to make, but it had a lot of ingredients and took quite some time. And of course she loved her curry as spicy as possible, so she would have to make some mild for Shifu, since the idiot could barely _look_ at a pepper without getting the runs.

She realized as she headed out of the hall that she was becoming a little _too_ comfortable at the Jade Palace. She knew that the longer she stayed, the harder it would be to leave, so perhaps she should consider going before she reached her monetary goal. Even a week could make a difference, and besides, the longer she stayed in one place the higher the risk rose of the "authorities" finding her. Granted, the Valley of Peace was as far removed from the empire as it was possible to get without actually leaving China, but should anything happen it was still under the rule of the Emperor.

That settled it. As soon as she finished up her project for Oogway, she would head out, regardless of cost. After all, no matter how she may feel, every moment she spent there was wasted time. At least, that was what she would tell herself to get herself the hell out of there.

* * *

A/N: Mwahahaha! You'll never know what Oogway wanted from Lin! Actually, just kidding- you'll find out in a few more chapters. In the meantime, you may surmise it on your own (hopefully I've dropped enough clues for that). Or you may wait in anguish for me to reveal it, ever wondering what horrors lay in store for you. Whichever. Also of note: the whole "way to a man's heart is through his chest" joke was courtesy of Roseanne.

Anyway, thanks to all you readers for your patience- things will soon begin to unravel, and hopefully there are still a few surprises in store. In our next chapter: Lin opens up and Shifu listens. There isn't much else I can say without spoilers.


	24. C is for Cookie

A/N: Sorry this is a little late- I made the chapter another long one to make it up to you lovely readers. Also, coming at you now is a fairly contemplative chapter, but those happen sometimes, so hopefully I've made it interesting. Without further ado, I give you our next exciting installment.

Disclaimer: The usual stuff about Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 24: C is for Cookie and That's Good Enough for Me

* * *

Lin sighed as she sat down at the kitchen table with a cup of white tea and a jar of freshly baked almond cookies. Over the past week she had been baking (and eating) up a storm, for a number of reasons. Of course there were her feelings for Shifu, which stubbornly plagued her no matter how hard she tried to squash them. Then there was her rising sense of anxiety with every day she spent in the Valley of Peace- and it wasn't just her troubles with the law that concerned her. She hadn't been lying when she'd told Shifu that the mere idea of settling down... Well, it unsettled her. And she was starting to feel antsy. Besides all that, things were also still slow-going with her project for Oogway.

So, instead of doing anything productive with her time, she was baking and then proceeding to stuff her face with cookies. Yet she couldn't stop herself; every time she ran out of cookies, she just wanted more. And then she _baked_ more.

"Hi, Lin." Tai Lung walked through the door, then stopped in his tracks and furrowed his brow at the sight of her shoving three cookies into her mouth at once. "Uh... Are you okay?"

She tried to say, "Yes," but it just came out as, "Uff." She took a gulp of tea to soften the cookies, chewed a few more times, and swallowed. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay... Good." He still eyed her suspiciously, anyway. "I know it's not lunch yet, but I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure thing." She got up to grab him a cup and pour him some. "Siddown, kid. Have some cookies, too- not too many, though."

"You mean you left some?" he asked as he took the seat next to hers.

She blinked at him, surprised by the joke; he must have picked it up from listening to her fights with Shifu. "Keep it up, smart guy, and see if I ever make dessert for you again." She set a cup of tea in front of him and sat down again, grabbing some more cookies for herself. "So... Let's talk." She dunked a cookie into her tea and took a bite.

"Well, I was actually wondering if I could ask you a question." He copied her by dunking his cookie into his tea, too.

"Sure thing." She wasn't sure what to expect; Tai Lung sometimes asked her strange and invasive questions, but she couldn't exactly tell him not to ask. She just chalked it up to him not having grown up around a lot of other people.

"You're pretty old, right?"

She had been taking a sip of tea when he asked her, and she coughed, almost spitting it out. "_Old?_" She may have been old enough to be his mother already, but just barely- she was hardly _old_.

"Well, y'know, you're grown up," he corrected quickly.

"Yeah, I am." She was starting to wonder where this was leading.

"So... How come you're not married or you don't have kids or anything? I mean, besides the fact that you hate marriage and all." He stared at her, and she wondered if he was expecting some kind of elaborate story.

Truth be told, if she had accepted an arranged marriage as was the custom for her hometown she would have a husband and presumably about five or six children already (at least, if she was as fertile as every other woman in her family she would), the oldest of which would be around Tai Lung's age. She suppressed a shudder at that thought. "It's... I dunno," she answered truthfully- she assumed he was talking about love. "It's not something I think about. I mean... It's not that I don't like the idea of falling in love or anything, but... I dunno." She rubbed at her face, stumped by the question. "I just don't understand that kinda stuff."

"Why not?" His curiosity was starting to get a little irritating.

"Falling in love is hard." She set down her tea, trying to think of a way to answer that wasn't too discouraging or depressing. "And it's difficult to trust people, too. There are some people who... How do I put it?" She realized she was babbling, so she stopped to gather herself. "Some people aren't meant for that kinda stuff. Even if it's something they want. Maybe I'm just one of those people. You understand?"

"So you think it's your destiny to never fall in love with someone?" The question was incredibly blunt, but she was the one who'd said it in the first place.

"Yeah." She scratched behind her ear, embarrassed by the admission. "It's not a big deal."

"What if someone falls in love with you?" He seemed insistent on pursuing the subject.

"That'd never happen," she answered without thinking. Once it actually came out of her mouth, she was surprised at how easily she could say something like that. But she had always believed it, even though she'd never really talked about it.

"How come?"

"'Cause I don't really have the kinda personality that men like, and I'm not pretty. I mean, a man'll still go for an independent, outspoken woman such as myself as long as she's got looks, too. Otherwise, forget it. Besides, the older I get, the less likely it is that someone will fall in love with me. Men don't like it when women age."

Tai Lung looked pensive for a moment, then frowned. "That's stupid," he concluded.

Lin laughed; even if he hadn't meant to, he'd made her feel at least a _little_ better.

"Besides, lotsa men like you. I like you, Master Oogway likes you... I think Master Shifu likes you, too."

"Thanks, kid, but I think you were reaching a little with that last one." She leaned over and flicked his nose with her index finger.

"Ow!" He rubbed at his nose and stuck his tongue out at her. "Maybe if you were nicer, someone might fall in love with you."

"Har har, very good. I'm plenty nice and you know it, kid." She grabbed another cookie and got up to pour herself another cup of tea.

"Who knows," he went on, "maybe if you were a little nicer Master Shifu might even fall in love with you."

She then poured tea all over the countertop as her mouth fell open and she stared at Tai Lung in pure, unabashed disgust. "I cannot believe those words just came out of your mouth. I can _already_ feel my skin crawling." She finally managed to get her tea in the cup, then grabbed a towel and started wiping down the counter.

"Oh, come on. You admitted to Master Oogway that you _like_ Master Shifu, and I already knew before that anyway!"

She made a mental note to beat Oogway senseless with his own walking stick. "Alright, _fine!_ You win! But just 'cause I have a- a _thing_ for Shifu doesn't mean it's not accompanied by feelings of shame, disgust, and self-loathing!" She tossed her towel aside, then realized that she had probably been a little too short with him. "Sorry I snapped at you," she apologized, clearing her throat awkwardly.

"I dunno why you think it's dumb to have feelings for Master Shifu," he grumbled, slumping in his chair a little. "I mean, obviously you like him for a reason. So what kinda reason is there to be disgusted? I mean, it's not like he's a bad person. How do you know you're not meant to fall in love if you never _try?_"

"Exactly," she replied, then rejoined him at the table. "I'm not gonna fall in love with Shifu 'cause I don't _wanna_ fall in love with Shifu."

"Why not?"

"_Because_ I'm lea-" She stopped herself there, though. She wasn't sure if it was so wise to say anything about her plans to vacate China. "I'm _leaning_ toward... Uh... Celibacy. For life."

"What's celibacy, again?" he asked, blinking innocently at her.

"It's just something that Shifu does, you should ask him about it." She realized how mean that was, but she didn't exactly care at the moment. "Look, I know how it is to fall for someone you can't have- it's kinda what I do. And I'm trying to break the habit, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop all this attempted match-making- and don't try to pretend that's not what you're doing."

He closed his mouth with an audible click, looking sheepish for once. "Okay, so I blew up my spot. I just want you guys to be happy."

"I _am_ happy," she said as firmly as she possibly could with him giving her those big, sad kitten eyes. "I'm happy just the way I am: _single_. And there's nothing wrong with that. Now, eat your cookies."

"Fine," he huffed, slumping in his seat and popping a cookie into his mouth. "Just to let you know, though, I'm on your side."

"Yeah, yeah." She reached over and pinched his cheek, just to be annoying. She also knew exactly what to say next to effectively end the conversation and get Tai Lung back to the training hall before Shifu discovered his absence. "So, you wanna help me make lunch?"

"No thanks," he answered immediately, and finished his tea in one gulp. "I should really get some meditation or something in before we eat, or Master Shifu'll make me do laps again." Sometimes the kid could be just as predictable as his old man. "What are you making?"

"Ever heard of kimchi?"

"Yeah, and ewwwww." He wrinkled his nose as he hopped out of his seat. "I'll see you at lunch, so long as I don't have to eat kimchi." With that, he ran off to go smash wooden dummies and dodge fire and whatever else it was that he did all day.

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat, contemplating the conversation she'd just had with Tai Lung; she couldn't believe that he'd come to talk to her about love, of all things. He was only a kid, after all. She supposed that in a way his worries about love were at least half her fault- mainly due to her fights with Shifu. If she went a little easier on the idiot, maybe Tai Lung wouldn't be so desperate for them to get along (and apparently fall in love).

To tell the truth, though, she couldn't help herself. Even when she was trying to be nice to the melon-head she still ended up making fun of him- but it was just so _easy_. It seemed like every five minutes he was doing or saying something absolutely hilarious, and without even noticing. That was part of what she liked about him; she had a weakness for men who could make her laugh. And he was pretty funny when he was actually _trying_ to be, in a sarcastic way. She made fun of him because he was funny, because she liked him, and because she knew that no matter how agitated he got, he would get over it. He _always_ forgave her, no matter what it was she did to him. And the same was true for her, she supposed; after all, not many women would bounce back from some the of the things he'd said and done to her, but then again not many women had the kind of relationship the two of them had- whatever that happened to be. She certainly couldn't name it.

All she knew was that she trusted him, and that he was important to her. She couldn't for the life of her say _why_ he was important to her, but he was. She worried about him, she did things for him (she had _never_ made special orders before he came around), she cared what he thought and felt, she actually _apologized_ to him, she thought about him when he wasn't around and when he _was_ she felt... Well, she felt _good_.

And Tai Lung had hit the nail on the head: she _did_ want Shifu to feel the same way about her. But she knew that he didn't, and he never would. She'd never had trouble accepting the cold, hard facts of life- her grandmother had prepared her well for that. And it wasn't that she held herself in low esteem, either; she liked herself, she was confident in who she was, and she was happy with herself. She just... Held everyone _else_ in low esteem. And she knew that she wasn't exactly "romance material," to put it nicely. And, to put it bluntly, she didn't _want_ to be "romance material." She would rather have dysentery than fall in love. That was why it would never, _ever_ happen- because she refused to allow it to happen.

All in all, there was only one logical conclusion to her musings: the sooner she got out of the Valley of Peace, the better. And maybe somewhere along the way she'd be able to just _stop thinking about it_. She snorted to herself as she headed outside to dig up the kimchi; fat chance.

* * *

Shifu squinted through the night fog and held his lantern up a little bit higher; he'd been unable to sleep and had decided that a late night stroll to look at the stars and clear his head would be in order. Unfortunately, it was so late that mist had already descended on the grounds in a heavy shroud, leaving him unable to see the ground, let alone the sky. One of the few memories he had of life before the Jade Palace was one of him attempting to count the stars when his mother thought he was in bed; for some reason he had only been able to count to twenty-eight. He'd thought it was the highest number in the world. He had no idea why he had stopped at twenty-eight; it was rather strange, to be honest. He had been something of a strange child, though.

He was starting to digress; while the last thing he wanted to do was face what happened to be bothering him, he knew that there was no point in running from his problems. If he did not face them head on, then they would only snowball out of control. Although he had to say that things were already getting pretty out of control. He'd just been so _distracted_ lately. For instance, every time he tried to ask Lin something about her past he ended up getting distracted by something ridiculous she said or did, their trip down to the market being the most embarrassing example. He didn't know why he had even agreed to go grocery shopping with her to begin with- he should have known she'd humiliate him. But that wasn't what had been bothering him.

Lin's proclamation in the market that they were lovers, while designed specifically to give him a rage-induced heart attack, had gotten him thinking. How many lovers had she had, exactly, that she had no problem with simply announcing something like that amidst a very crowded, very _public_ place? Had she hurt any of those men, had she broken any of their hearts? Had _her_ heart been broken? Had she ever been married? It had been a strange subject to contemplate (especially since he still had a hard time believing that any man, woman or child could stand her for more than five minutes), but the more he thought the more he began to realize something. And that earth-shattering, humiliating, undeniable truth had been almost too difficult to admit, even to himself.

He was _jealous_.

He'd done his best to deny it. At first he'd thought that he was just angry at Lin's attempts to destroy his reputation. Then he'd thought that he was annoyed at her jokes, since they were casting the Jade Palace as a whole in a poor light. _Then_ he'd thought that he was just having a spot of indigestion. And while all of those things may have been true, it was also true that he was jealous.

He knew that he was probably going insane- to be jealous at the thought of _her_ having had a _romantic involvement_ was so ludicrous that he was actually losing sleep over it. The only remotely logical explanation he'd been able to come up with was that his overprotective streak had reared its ugly head. After all, after the entire incident with those bandits he had been feeling a certain compulsion to see to her safety. There was absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone to be safe, to be happy... He could have sworn he'd said something like that before, but he couldn't quite recall when.

And that wasn't all. He was also jealous of Lin herself. He was jealous of her ability to be so carefree, to just say and do whatever she wanted regardless of the consequences. And then her ability to completely dodge the consequences, as if there wasn't a single rule in the entire world that applied to her. On top of that, she acted as though none of her actions were even worth batting an eye over; it just all seemed to come to her so naturally. Shifu would be the first to admit that he could be a bit rigid, and he'd always followed the rules, he'd always done his best to act in the proper way of a Master of kung fu. But sometimes- very rarely, of course- he wished just a little bit that he could be impulsive and irresponsible. He supposed that was why he had let Lin drag him down to that bar and feed him shots all night. Sometimes he just got tired of being so predictable.

He was being ridiculous, though. There was nothing desirable or admirable about a person who did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, without even a moment's consideration for how her actions might affect others. It was downright selfish. Still, Lin wasn't all bad. He was insane for thinking so, he was sure, and that was one of the many things that were keeping him awake that night. He was finding that the more time he spent in her company, the more he was coming to... Well... _Like_ her.

He had been in denial for so long, but when he sincerely asked himself why he put up with almost everything she did and said, it had been the only answer. And he _did_ somewhat enjoy the time they spent together. In fact, there were certain times when he had actually been _happy_ to see her. She even made him smile every now and then. To be honest, though, he liked her the way she was; after all, even her most irritating traits were still part of what made her who she was. And she was-

She was-

Shifu stopped in his tracks, blinking. The first word that had come to mind had been "indescribable," as usual, but he hadn't meant it in the same way he usually did. Normally the thought came to him in exasperation, as in Lin was simply too aggravating for words. This time was different. This time he actually _meant_ that she was indescribable.

"I need to talk to her," he muttered to himself as he continued on his walk; he once again was given a sense of deja vu. He tried to think of when he'd heard or said those familiar things before- about wanting someone to be safe and happy... Being happy to see them...

He once again paused as he suddenly remembered the conversation he'd had with Tai Lung about love. _He_ had said those things, he'd told Tai Lung that they were all part of being in love. But that couldn't _possibly_ mean that-

He _couldn't_-

And he'd said-

But _Lin_-

If she found out about this he would be a dead man for sure. After all, she had a field day if he so much as blinked awkwardly (so he'd blinked one eye before the other, it was _one_ time); if she knew something _this_ potentially damaging about him she'd never let him live it down. Although, perhaps he wasn't giving her enough credit.

"_Crap!_" As if on cue, Lin's voice sounded from the direction of the barracks and despite himself his ears twitched in the direction of her voice. "Crap, crap and _more crap!_"

Shifu felt the overwhelming need to curse, himself. Instead, he took a deep breath and urged himself to calm down; he was just overreacting. After all, what were the chances of Lin finding out?

Well, except for one tiny problem: he was going to tell her. Not now, of course; but eventually he was going to crack. Eventually he was going to blurt it out, in the absolutely most ludicrous way possible, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself. He knew this because it had happened before, and it would most certainly happen again.

He turned around and headed for the peach tree; he needed some time to think, and the last place he wanted to be was anywhere near the kitchen, for obvious reasons. He only hoped that he didn't stumble upon any other momentous realizations before the night was out.

* * *

"_Crap!_" Lin cursed as she stubbed her toe for about the third time. "Crap, crap and _more crap!_" She had woken up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night, and had just finished blearily making some tea; it would be a lot easier to take said tea back to her room if her lantern was stronger, or maybe if she hadn't stubbed her toe on her door as she was opening it.

"How much crap was that, again?" Tai Lung called sleepily from down the hall.

"Go back to sleep!" she yelled back.

"Yeah, _that'll_ lull me to sleep. Better than a lullaby..." He grumbled before sliding his door shut.

She snorted and walked into her room; if she didn't know any better, she'd say her rapier wit was rubbing off on the kid. But this wasn't the time to think about that- in fact, she had just woken up from a dream that had left her with more on her mind than ever.

Lin rarely ever remembered dreaming; sleep for her was usually a heavy blanket of darkness, as blissful as it was short. And when she _did_ remember something, it was normally the same recurring dream. Well, it wasn't a dream so much as a memory, from about three years ago.

She sat upright in the middle of her floor with her tea, replaying the dream over and over in her mind. She'd woken up well over an hour ago, and yet she couldn't focus on anything else. She had tried to fall back asleep, but eventually she'd given up and decided that a pot of jasmine tea was in order. As she drank, she couldn't help but replay the events of her dream over and over in her mind.

The dream always started differently, from different points in her memory, but it always ended the same way; many of her memories were rapidly fading, but this one would always be with her. It marked the exact moment that she realized what course the rest of her life would take. Something had clicked in her, and despite the chaos all around her and despite the panic that had been overtaking her, deep down inside she'd felt sure, for the first time in her life.

This time her dream had started a little later on than usual. She was already standing at the edge of the harbor, staring down the six feet of stone that separated Shanghai from the sea. She knew what was behind her, and by comparison the intimidating waves that were churning from the seemingly endless thunderstorm was practically a romp in the park. Or it at least held a better chance of survival. So, she jumped.

She spent most of her time underwater after that, carried further and further away from land by the current and tossed around like a rag doll by the waves. Occasionally she would break the surface long enough to suck in a deep breath despite the pounding rain and ocean spray, before again being overtaken by a large wave. By the third time she made it to the surface of the water, land was no longer visible, and the sky was so dark that it had become indistinguishable from the sea. As she'd been dragged under the waves again, she thought that she was going to die; it didn't stop her from trying to survive- her grandmother had told her to never stop fighting to live, because that was what everyone needed to do to survive- but she'd been sure that it was futile. She hadn't known which way was up and all she'd been able to hear was the sound of water churning in her ears, and everything had gone black. Then, all of a sudden, the current had carried her back to the surface of the water, and everything around her had become calm; she'd reached the eye of the storm.

That was the moment she'd had her epiphany; she felt like the world was standing still, waiting for her to realize that this was what her entire life had been leading up to, what it had been preparing her for. She finally understood that she needed to go it alone. She knew that she'd have only herself to depend on, for the rest of her life.

That was where her dream had ended, which was fitting since she couldn't remember much between that time and when she'd dragged herself back to shore in Shangba the next morning. She'd had the dream before, and she did sometimes think back on that night, but it rarely ever bothered her as much as this most recent instance had. For once in her life, she felt as though she needed to talk to someone, to get the weight of such thoughts off of her chest. She thought of Oogway's offer to lend an ear to her, and she was grateful for his compassion. However, she had someone else in mind. While Oogway's wisdom helped her to be more introspective and see things more clearly, it did not make her feel better.

Despite her reluctance to admit it, Shifu did. The man made her feel giddy just by glaring at her, for heaven's sake. It was sick, really, and she knew it. But she also knew that there was no point in denying the way she felt about him, although she'd be damned if she could pinpoint exactly when such feelings had emerged. Perhaps they'd been there from the start, and she'd just been too stubborn to recognize them for what they were.

She had only ever had these kinds of feelings for a man once before, back in Shanghai. She remembered as if it were yesterday; his kind smile, his openness, his passion for helping the poor and downtrodden citizens of the city. And the works of art that came from the man's hand had drawn her to him as much as his magnetic personality itself had.

Still, those days were long gone. When she looked back on them she felt as if she had been a child, compared to herself now, and she had only left Shanghai three years ago. Back then, she'd been foolish enough to actually believe that things had a way of working out, had maybe even held out hope that she had been loved, that such a thing was possible. She knew better now, of course. Even if she traveled to the ends of the earth and back for Shifu, he'd never return her feelings- as would be the case for any man.

The truth didn't bother her anymore, though. She had long since accepted it, embraced it even. So much the better, really, as she'd never been one much for the ridiculous notion of romance, and all of that sappy nonsense. Besides that, the attentions of a man would only serve as a distraction. She knew that there were bigger, better things waiting for her out there in the real world, where men and women fought to the death to uphold their beliefs and the few brave souls willing to rage against the currents of bigotry and oppression shouted the truth to all who would listen. That was her place, it was the life she wanted more than anything, and if she herself was the only person who would ever see how truly amazing she was, then so be it. She was all the happier for it.

Even so, there were occasions when she enjoyed having someone to talk to. And Shifu was generally as fitful a sleeper as she was, so she was almost certain she'd be able to find him out and about even at such a late hour. Besides, with those gigantic serving dishes on his head he'd probably been woken up by her cursing. She grabbed her tea and headed down the hall to see if she was right. She couldn't see a light shining through his door, but just to make sure she leaned in a little closer and muttered, "Bighead says what?" That usually elicited a response from him, no matter how tired or distracted he was.

However, there was no answer. "Hey, old man," she said a little louder. She still didn't hear anything, so she figured he was still asleep. The last thing she wanted to do was wake him up just to listen to her bitch and moan, so she turned around and headed back. She needed _something_ to do, though.

After a moment of contemplation, she decided that some fresh air would do her good. It was a pretty warm night, but not incredibly so; it was just at the hour when mist was starting to roll in over the grounds, so even with her lantern held high she was having trouble seeing a couple of feet in front of her face. Still, she was able to make her way (slowly) up to the peach tree. She had made the trek so many times in the morning mist that she was used to it by then; a little darkness didn't make too much of a difference.

Still, she missed having the view. When she dropped down under the tree and poured herself some more tea she could still barely see a thing, but she supposed that a view would just distract her. And sure, a distraction would have been nice right about then, but she needed time to calm down and just... Well, not necessarily think. She'd been doing enough of that already. She just needed to sort herself out a little bit.

"Are you okay?"

She jumped a bit, startled by the voice behind her; it had been a while since Shifu had managed to sneak up on her, but she supposed it was mostly her own fault. She hadn't exactly been paying attention to her surroundings. Although, she'd assumed that he'd been asleep- it was pretty unusual to see him wandering around the grounds at such a late hour. "What?" she finally asked, once she felt her heartbeat had returned to its normal rate. Of course, she'd heard what he'd said perfectly well- she simply wasn't sure why he'd asked.

"Are you alright?" he asked again, then actually surprised her by sitting down beside her.

"Been better," she answered honestly, though she couldn't help but smile. She couldn't even believe herself; she was smiling, just because she was happy to see him. She was definitely going out of her mind.

"But you're smiling," he pointed out, narrowing his eyes at her. "You're not going to make a joke about me, are you?"

"Naw." She snorted, amused by his reaction; she understood why he would think that, though. "I just... I've been worse, too." That was also the truth. "I'm gonna letya in on a little secret."

"...I'm not sure if I want to know." However, he once again surprised her as his lips turned up into a small smile. He'd been joking, apparently.

"Good one," she complimented, then paused. She wondered if she should say anything at all, but then it wouldn't be fair to balk after she'd already offered to tell him. "I had... A dream. Tonight."

"Oh? You were sleeping?" He seemed surprised at that. "I thought you were an insomniac."

"No, I'm not. I just run on a different schedule 'an most people- a thirty-six hour schedule. I sleep for six of those hours, I'm awake for thirty. Although, sometimes I skip the sleeping part altogether. That's when I get a little loopy. But I digress."

"Right." He blinked back at her, his eyebrows raised. "So... You had a dream?"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "Kinda like a recurring nightmare. Or maybe just a flashback." She once again paused, though this time she was simply trying to figure out what to say next. "I almost drowned, once. I mean... Well, yeah, I guess you could say I almost drowned. I was just... Remembering it."

"Oh." He obviously had no idea what to say, and she didn't blame him. "I see."

"It made me realize something," she went on. "That I was... That I would be alone. For my whole life. I mean, not _isolated_, just... Never very close to people. And, y'know, I've been okay with it. I _was_, anyway. I... I _liked_ being alone. I was alone for three years, and it was _great_. Maybe even the best three years of my life. Does that... D'you think I'm a bad person, for that? Or... Crazy, or something? For wanting to be alone?"

"Yes," he answered immediately, and she punched him in the arm for it.

"Ass," she grumbled.

"Sorry." He rubbed where she'd hit his arm, wincing a bit. "I don't think you're a bad person. Just... Different." He paused and smiled again, just a little bit. "And you are _definitely_ out of your mind, to boot."

"Probably," she agreed quietly, and tried her best not to blush. His smile was just... Too cute. "It's just that... Until then, I'd been living my life pretty much for other people. When I thought I was gonna die, I realized that _I'm_ important, too, y'know?" She let out a sigh, relieved to be able to actually talk about her thoughts. "Besides, life's a lot easier when I only got myself to worry about."

"So you worry about us, do you?"

"Don't get too cocky," she told him. "I worry about Tai Lung, mostly. Sometimes I worry about you, but just little things. Like, y'know, whether your head's gonna fit through the doorway or not. Stuff like that."

"You should know that you are not nearly as funny as you think you are," he grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Coulda fooled me," she shot back. "Tea?"

"No thank you." He eyed her for a moment, then finally asked her what he'd obviously been dying to ask since the conversation started. "So... Why, exactly, were you drowning?"

"'Cause I can't breathe under water," she replied easily.

"You know what I mean."

Lin actually considered telling him the truth for a second there, before she realized how insanely horrible an idea that was. Instead, she figured she'd just tell him _part_ of the truth. "I was lost at sea during a storm for a night. I thought I was gonna drown, but then all of a sudden the current brought me back up to the surface. It was like I was pulled out of the water by the hand of God himself. Y'know what happened next?"

"You aren't going to tell me anything of any consequence whatsoever, are you?" he grumbled, his shoulders slumping a bit.

"I found a piece of driftwood! I mean, it was way too far from shore for that to be a normal occurrence, and then on top of that I washed up to shore the next morning. Isn't that amazing?"

"I didn't think so." Shifu looked for a moment the same way Tai Lung did when he was told he couldn't have dessert. "What is wrong with your past that you are so secretive?"

"Nothing's wrong with my past," she replied, and tried to keep the defensive tone out of her voice; after all, he didn't actually _know_ anything about her past, so he must not have meant anything by it. "What's the big secret with _your_ past, then, private eye?"

He looked stunned for a bit, and she actually thought she might have managed to shut him up. However, he bounced back pretty quickly. "There is no secret with _my_ past."

"Oh? Well by my tally I talk about my past a helluva lot more 'an you talk about yours." She raised her eyebrows at him, waiting for him to come up with a comment in response to that.

"Well what is there to talk about?" he snapped. "Master Oogway already told you everything about that! It isn't as if _I_ had any say in the matter!"

She had to admit, that little outburst had been pretty unexpected. "It's not like I know everything about you," she huffed, crossing her arms and frowning at him; there had really been no need to get so uppity.

"You certainly act like you do," he shot back. "You have never once asked me anything about myself."

"As if I could get a word in edgewise what with you playing quiz master all the time," she grumbled, though she could see why he was offended. They glared at each other for a while, and she squirmed a bit under his gaze. Then, inexplicably, she gave in. "Okay, fine. What'd your dad do? Didya get along with your mom? Didya have any brothers or sisters or anything? Didya think Oogway was senile when you first met him? How many-"

"Alright, that's enough," he interrupted, and narrowed his eyes at her as if he couldn't believe that she'd asked him any of those things. "Why did you ask so many things about... About _before_ I met Master Oogway?"

"'Cause that's what you never talk about." She shrugged. "It just seemed natural. Besides, I've met Oogway, so I can pretty much infer what your life woulda been like with him."

"Ah." He paused a moment, furrowing his brow. "Yes. Good point." He looked pensive for a moment, and then he said, "He was a potter, I got along with my mother alright, and four brothers- I was the middle child. And I didn't think Oogway was senile so much as just plain insane."

She elbowed him in the side. "Not so pleasant to hafta answer a buncha invasive questions, is it?"

"Nice try," he grunted. "But I am not falling for that. Seeing as this is an even trade, I am going to ask you a few things."

"Never said it was an even trade, but I guess you can try." She leaned back on her hands, stretched her legs out and got comfortable; they were going to be sitting out there for a while if he was going to start asking his stupid questions.

He was apparently full of surprises that night, though. "Did _you_ get along with your mother?"

She snorted at that. "'Course I didn't!" She still couldn't believe that he'd actually asked her something personal instead of trying to figure out her many secrets.

"Okay. What did _your _father do?"

"He was a farmer. My brothers, too. The way it worked back where I come from, the boys carry on with the father's work, and when they come of age the parents add on to the house for 'em. Then they get married and their wives come to live with the family, and eventually they inherit the house." She rolled her eyes at him; if he had listened to her even half the amount of time she'd spent talking over the past couple of months he would have known that already.

He eyed her, as if trying to discern whether she was telling the truth or not. "...Did you _really_ have seven brothers and sisters?"

"We were an average-sized family," she replied, and that was the truth. Four children had been considered a small family, between six and ten were average, and a few families had had up to fourteen children- and none of them were twins, either. "When I first left home and found out that not everyone had a ton of siblings, it blew my mind."

"Did you get along with any of your siblings?" He even seemed genuinely interested in this kind of stuff, too.

"Nah, I hated their guts, except for my oldest sister's." She stopped there, though; she didn't want to start talking about her oldest sister. Not at the moment, anyway.

Thankfully, he was tactful enough to not press the issue. "Were you the youngest?"

"Naw. One brother and one sister were younger 'an me."

"Huh." He paused for a moment, then said something dumb, as usual. "May I ask you a personal question?"

"Don't you always?" she shot back.

"I suppose that was a yes," Shifu grumbled, then awkwardly cleared his throat. The next thing he said came completely out of nowhere. "Have you ever... Seen anyone die?"

She blinked back at him, caught off-guard by the question; it wasn't exactly part of his usual arsenal, and it had almost nothing to do with the conversation at hand- as far as he knew, anyway. "Yeah," she answered slowly. "Why?"

"Ah. How old were you the first time you saw someone die?"

"Did Tai Lung see someone die?" she asked, concerned. "Is that where this conversation is headed?" She didn't think Tai Lung even interacted with anyone besides them, but she could have been wrong.

"No," he huffed. "I just... I was curious. Never mind, you don't need to answer."

Yet for some reason, she answered him anyway. "I was ten. My little sister and I had scarlet fever, and she died right next to me in bed. She was six."

"I... I am sorry."

She snorted. "Don't be. I'm the one who survived." After she'd said it, she realized that it had sounded pretty harsh- and she could tell from the look on Shifu's face that he thought so, too. "I, uh... Well, what I meant was..." She paused, thinking back on the incident; it honestly wasn't a part of her past that she had ever dwelled on. "We both got sick around the same time. And we were both really sick. So sick, in fact, that my parents even called in the local doctor. He told 'em that one of us was gonna go for sure, and it'd probably be me. I was in worse shape, and I was smaller, weaker, even though I was the older one. We were sharing a bed, y'see, and the doctor said if one of us died the other'd get better, 'cause our germs were feeding off each other or something. He was a quack. Anyway, one night she just... Went. She didn't say anything. It kinda sucked, 'cause when people die they shit and piss all over. But really, I was just relieved. I thought for sure that if she'd died, I'd live. There was no real reason for me to believe that, but somehow I just had a feeling, y'know? And I did survive, obviously. I dunno, maybe somebody up there likes me."

"Do you ever miss her?"

"Nah." She once again sounded way too harsh, so she elaborated. "I didn't know her that well, a she was kinda a brat, anyway. Not that I'm glad she died, I just... Was never sad about it, either. I mean, if one of us had to die, I'm glad it wasn't me."

He stared at her a moment, his eyebrows raised. "Wow. You are a good sister."

"Get bent," she huffed; she didn't see why he had to be so critical all the time. It wasn't like she was required to like her family- they certainly hadn't liked _her_. "What about you? When was the first time you saw someone die?" She assumed that he'd definitely seen multiple people die (and killed people himself), what with being a kung fu warrior.

He looked offended, but he actually managed to let whatever she'd said to upset him go, and moved on with the conversation. "It was not as momentous or apparently life affirming as your story. I was six, and it was not anybody I knew. An old woman collapsed on the street one day. One minute she was getting some water for her family, the next she was dead."

"I'm guessing that was the start of the whole plague situation." She knew she was being blunt, but she'd never been one to deny the harsh facts of life, even for someone else's sake.

"Yes," he confirmed.

"Hey, what was it like, y'know, when you were all alone?" She doubted she'd get an answer for that, but she figured it was worth asking.

"I don't know," he answered.

"Eh?"

"I do not remember." He didn't seem like he was lying; he had this tendency to look people in the eye when he was talking to them, and she didn't think he was capable of looking someone in the eye and lying to them. He was just that much of a goody two-shoes. "I remember drinking rain water. Other than that... It's just blank."

"That's why you never told anyone about it?" she asked incredulously. "'Cause you don't remember it?"

"Yes."

"Well that explains it." She wasn't sure what she could possibly say after that; she had a feeling that it was somehow meaningful that he had shared such information with her. She didn't think an attempt to comfort him would be appropriate, since he didn't seem overtly upset; besides, the incident had happened years ago. She supposed she could change the subject, but she was afraid that it might seem insensitive.

Then, while she was busy trying to think of something to say, Shifu leaned over and poked her in the side (which elicited a startled squawk) and said, "You think too much."

Lin couldn't help but stare back at him; he was the one who was always telling her how thoughtless she was. Now apparently she thought _too _much. Although, she had to agree with the sentiment. "Y'know," she finally managed to work out, "I kinda like what we've been doing."

"And what is it that we have been doing?" he asked suspiciously, and even scooted away from her a bit.

"Having actual conversations without devolving into raving maniacs," she clarified. "We've been doing it on a semi-regular basis, too. I'd even venture to say that we have officially become _friends_."

"No," he instantly denied, "we have not."

"Oh yes we have," she pushed. "I am your friend, whether you like it or not. My heart is true, I'm a pal and a confidant. And y'know what else?"

"I don't _want_ to know what else," he grumbled, clearly annoyed and humiliated by her assertion.

"If you threw a party and invited everyone you knew-"

"That is enough," he interrupted quickly. "I get it. We are apparently _friends_. And I will have you know that while I acknowledge such, I do so under protest."

She rolled her eyes at him, then flicked his nose for good measure. "You're such a little bitch," she informed him, which earned her a scandalized glare. "But I put up with it, 'cause that's what friends do. Kinda like how you put up with all the things I do just to get a rise outta you."

"It is not as if I have much of a choice," he muttered, and for some reason blushed a little. "After all, you control what I eat."

Then, she had to go and ruin the moment by saying something absolutely moronic. "Well, _you_ could control what you ate, y'know, if you wanted to drop by before breakfast." It was as if she'd suddenly been afflicted by vocal diarrhea; she snapped her mouth shut as soon as the sentence had been formed, and hoped desperately that Shifu just brushed the invitation off.

"O-oh," he stuttered, and avoided her gaze.

Of _course_ she wouldn't be that lucky. She'd made him uncomfortable, and she'd made a fool out of herself. "Well I didn't _mean_ anything by that," she grunted in a last-minute attempt to save herself.

"I know," he replied quickly. "Of course I know that. Why would I not know that?" He awkwardly cleared his throat and continued to look anywhere but at her. "...You would really let me pick out what we eat?"

"As long as it's not gross, I don't see why not." She let herself relax a little bit; obviously he didn't see any kind of romantic intentions in the invitation, or else he wouldn't even be _thinking_ about accepting.

"Alright. I- uhm- I suppose I could."

"Okay, then," she agreed, still stunned at how miraculously she had managed to slide out of that particularly sticky situation. "Seeya in a few hours, I guess."

"Huh?" He finally managed to look at her, a slightly confused expression on his face.

"Well, it's pretty late, and I gotta have breakfast ready at sunrise. Which means I start when the sky starts to look a little green, which is probably in a few hours. And until then, I think I should try to get some sleep in." She knew already that her chances of falling asleep were slim to none, but it was worth a try. "So... Yeah," she ended awkwardly, then stood up. "...You coming, too?" She once again cursed her big mouth; she'd made it sound like she _wanted_ him to come with her.

"No, I don't think I will be able to fall asleep." He apparently had once again seen her comment as completely innocuous. "I should meditate."

"Right." That was definitely her cue to leave. "Well... Seeya."

"Goodnight," he replied. "Or, good morning, depending on how to see it I suppose."

"Yeah," she agreed, and turned to go.

"Well, in any case, goodbye," he called after her.

"Okay, bye."

"But I did not mean that- I mean, not goodbye for good, goodbye for- for now."

She was already at the stairs and yet for some reason, he was still saying good night to her. She remembered him doing something like this before, and she wanted to get the hell out of there before she said anything else completely stupid, so she decided to put an end to it. "Shut up," she snapped, then turned and walked down the stairs as fast as she could without appearing like she was running away. She even covered her ears in case he kept talking, so she wouldn't be tempted to answer.

Finally, when she was halfway back to the barracks already, she felt like she could relax. Well, not relax so much as mentally kick herself. She didn't know what was wrong with her, lately; here she was with a crush on her _boss_, of all people, and she'd said idiotic things that sounded sort of like an invitation for a _date_. And she was stupidly adding fuel to the flames by spending time with him and asking him personal questions like that- and being _nice_.

She knew without a doubt that she was in big trouble. If she wasn't more careful, there was the remote possibility that she could end up in love with him. And, as she had always said, even a remote possibility was still a possibility. Even worse than that, though, was something that had not happened to her in _years_.

She had no idea what to do.

* * *

Shifu sighed and ran one hand down his face in utter frustration; he was in _big_ trouble.

More specifically, he was in love.

He had no idea why, how, or when it had happened, but he'd finally realized for sure that, yes, this was happening to him. He had actually managed to fall in love with the last woman on the face of the planet that he would have ever even wanted to _know_. And the worst part of it all was that he was fairly certain that this was the real thing. His one chance at true love, and it was with his cook.

He still remembered the first time he'd ever met her. He'd thought she was nothing more than a vagrant off the street- filthy, tired, a little bit smelly, and above all highly suspicious. Sure, she had cleaned up well enough, but she had still been highly suspicious (and a vagrant off the street). And then, without even realizing it, he'd gotten to know her. He'd begun to enjoy her company, respect her opinions, _like _her. Not to mention his somewhat ridiculous impulse to protect her- as if a woman like Lin needed any protecting. Still, she had needed him before- particularly when she had gone up against those bandits. She would never admit that she'd needed him, of course, but she had.

The strange thing about his feelings was that, while with previous infatuations he had viewed the women he had been interested in with rose-colored glasses, this was not the case with Lin. It was as if every single one of her already glaring faults was emphasized all the more, and annoyed him even more deeply than ever before- and yet he found himself _liking_ those flaws. Of course, he appreciated her good points as well- especially her cooking- but he had never been so painfully aware of a woman's bad points (especially a woman with so many of them) and still enjoyed her company.

And he _did_ like Lin, exactly as she was. Despite his constant criticism toward her, he did not want her to change. Besides, asking Lin not to be crude, mean and full of herself would be like asking Master Oogway not to be wise- it simply made no sense to do so. And her attitude was part of what made her so unique. And the word "unique" barely even began to describe her.

There was just something about her- about the way she could stumble over her own two feet for no apparent reason one moment, yet climb a tree with one arm the next; the way she talked like a common street-dweller yet could turn around and start orating about politics, science, art, and who knew what else; or the way that, no matter how badly her temper raged, she still smiled and blushed when he complimented her cooking. She was a walking contradiction on many levels, but he supposed that he found that exciting. Even if she were the most boring person on the planet, though, she was still smart and strong, and yes, he would have to admit it sooner or later, she was funny. Even when she was in a bad enough mood to kill, she was still funny. Scary, but funny.

A sense of humor had never been high up on his list of desired traits in a woman, of course- anyone who took one look at him would be able to deduce that much. Perhaps that had been a mistake, though. He had always imagined himself with a serious, sincere woman, and that had been the type of women he had pursued. He'd had feelings for women in the past, of course, but there had always been something missing. He had never imagined that something as simple and seemingly trivial as a sense of humor could have been that missing piece, but that appeared to be the case.

At least, that was what he had surmised. Because of all the women he had met in his life, no matter how beautiful, no matter how sincere, no matter how fearsome on the battlefield, measured up to this one woman he had known for only a few short months. He had never felt so strongly for any woman before, and had long since abandoned the notion that he ever would. Yet here he was. _In love_.

And confused as all hell. How could this have happened? How could he have fallen in love with someone who was the exact opposite of everything he had wanted in a romantic partner? Moreover, how could he have fallen in love with someone who was such a bad influence on his son? With someone who acted like a finicky child in front of a bowl full of peas at the mere thought of even _attempting_ to learn kung fu? With someone who had seen so many nude men that she had actually internalized a numbered scale by which to judge them? With someone like _her?_ Most importantly, how could he have have fallen in love with someone who so clearly did _not_ regard someone like _him_ as her type?

He wondered if she even _had_ a type. He supposed that if she did, it would be the kind of man who hung around the bars she frequented. Or maybe the opposite end of the spectrum- an extremely weak-willed man she could push around and control. She _did_ tend to get testy about getting her way. But then again, she liked to fight far too much to want someone who would just give in to her.

_He_ sort of liked the fighting, too. Not the _real_ fights that inevitably dissolved into shouting matches which then dissolved into him dragging her around and threatening to throw her off the mountain while she screeched and punched him in the kidneys. He liked it when they argued and made fun of each other- he was getting rather good at his comebacks, if he did say so himself. He supposed that if he was going to be in a dysfunctional relationship, he may as well enjoy the dysfunction.

Shifu groaned to himself and rubbed at his forehead; even at age thirty-seven he was going to need advice about women. Surely Master Oogway would be able to stop being amused at him for long enough to give him some quick words of wisdom. And if not... Well, he could figure something out on his own. It wasn't as if he had absolutely no experience whatsoever with women. In fact, he was a _catch_. After all, he'd gotten "the eye," as Lin had put it, when he'd gone into the village with her. Surely that counted for something.

He let out another groan; she was going to chew him up and spit him out, and he was going to walk right into it. Screw meditating- he was going to need to rest up. If he was lucky, he would just barely be able to survive the onslaught. But probably not.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaand we're finally there! Good job, Shifu. Now you just have to, you know, actually get the girl. Good luck with that part.

You also might have noticed that I stuck some lyrics from the Golden Girls theme song in here- I couldn't resist. And, really, it was pretty much a given that they would show up somewhere in the fic. Anyway, next time you'll see the definitely-not-a-date, and Oogway and Shifu finally have "the talk." Seeya then!


	25. Bread Always Falls Buttered Side Down

A/N: Hey guys. We're back to somewhat shorter chapters here, as I warned. I was planning on making it longer, but I had to split it in half due to time constraints- what with the holidays and my recent workload. Hopefully I jam-packed it with enough humor and romantic tension to make it worthwhile. Anyway, enjoy.

Disclaimer: So many properties of Dreamworks, so little time.

* * *

Chapter 25: Bread Always Falls Buttered Side Down

* * *

Shifu wrung his hands and once again attempted to calm himself; he doubted that any man in the history of the world had ever been more nervous at the mere thought of entering his own kitchen than he was at that moment. He was acting ridiculous, though; here he was, standing outside the kitchen, nervous about seeing _Lin_. He just didn't understand how he could possibly be _nervous_ over _her_. He felt like such an idiot; he had spent plenty of time with her before, and this was no different. He was acting like a huge baby just because he had feelings for her- what he needed to do was suck it up.

So, he took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen. And, predictably enough, Lin was passed out at the table, resting her head on her arms, drooling onto her sleeve. He shook his head at himself; he was in love with _that_. "Are you ready to start breakfast yet, or do you need another five minutes for your nap?" he asked loudly.

"Huh?" She snorted, slowly pushing herself into an upright position, and rubbed at her eyes. "I dunno..." she mumbled. "...What? Okay."

"You are a paragon of wit and intelligence," he said as he pulled out her chair and hoisted her to her feet.

"No," she grunted like a grumpy child. "I don't wanna." She pulled away from him, then slumped forward onto the kitchen table. "God, why?" she groaned loudly. "Why am I awake?"

He leaned over and said loudly straight into her ear, "Because I woke you!"

"Suck my dick," she snapped at him, then finally got to her feet. "Breakfast coulda waited another half hour. I'd _just_ fallen asleep, y'know."

"Then perhaps once night falls you should, I don't know- _go to bed?_" His tone was a little harsh, but she_ had_ just used abhorrent language.

"I couldn't sleep 'cause of that stupid dream, so I came in here." She then paused to stick her tongue out at him- he honestly shouldn't have expected anything more from her. "And then I finally _did_ fall asleep- and you came and woke me up. But whatever, I guess I'll sleep in _another_ thirty hours. _No big deal_." Obviously, she was more than a little annoyed at having been woken up.

"Alright, then," he agreed as if she hadn't spoken with a single ounce of sarcasm, just to irritate her all the more. He had walked into the kitchen intending to be perfectly civilized- even _nice_, but somehow that had all flown from his mind the moment he saw her. Perhaps it had just become a gut reaction to bicker with her. He supposed he would just need to make a concentrated effort. "So..." He tried to think of something neutral to say. "What should I do?" he settled on; after all, he _was _apparently helping her with breakfast.

"Eh?" Lin squinted at him for a moment, then snorted, as if he had just asked her something completely preposterous. "You can peel some stuff, I guess." She even sounded as if she were on the verge of laughter.

"What is so funny?" he huffed, well aware that this would somehow lead to her insulting him- as per usual.

"You can't cook," she replied bluntly, and while he normally would not have taken offense to such a comment, it was somehow vexing coming from her.

"I simply need practice," he informed her stiffly. "Besides, you should be happy about this- you finally have a chance to tell me what to do."

Once again, she snorted. "And that's different from every other moment we spend together... How?"

"I will not complain or argue," he managed to work out through gritted teeth, though it greatly pained him to do so.

"Yes you will," she instantly contradicted him. "Now, first thing's first- put some water on for tea." She then sat down at the table and let out a loud yawn.

"...And you are going to go back to sleep, I gather," he observed, though he still lit the burner and put on a pot of water to boil. "What kind of tea?"

"Your choice, remember?" Surprisingly enough, she was actually honoring her word to let him choose what they were going to have for breakfast.

"You will not be offended if I don't blend the tea with jasmine blossoms from the Emperor's personal garden, will you?"

"Go ahead and make fun," she sniffed indignantly at the jab. "Meanwhile, I never heard you complain about the taste. Now, whaddaya wanna eat?"

"Well... I haven't really thought about it," he admitted. "I did not think you would actually let me pick out breakfast."

"Sweet or savory?" she suddenly asked.

"Huh?"

"I'm helping you out. You in the mood for sweet, or savory?"

"Sweet, I suppose," he answered as he eyed the fruit bowl. "I could go for oranges."

"I got fresh ginger," she added. "Yes or no?"

"Yes, that sounds good." He paused, wondering if perhaps he should compliment her, or something of the like- after all, she _had_ extended the invitation to him. He shook his head immediately after that thought had crossed his mind; it wasn't as if he were on a date.

"Why don't we add some tofu to that?" Lin interrupted his thoughts. "We need a protein. For you and Tai Lung, y'know, for long-lasting energy. It's kinda low calorie though, and you need a complex carbohydrate, so I could make it a rice porridge."

"Right," he agreed vaguely; to be honest he usually had no clue what Lin was talking about when she started going off on one of her food-related tangents.

"But I make rice porridge so often," she sighed, even though it had been her idea to begin with and he had agreed with her. "I guess I could make a chutney, to put over the rice-"

"Wonderful," Shifu interrupted as he poured the now-boiling water over some oolong to steep. He could already tell that if he let her keep talking, there would be no end to her deliberation.

"Okay." She hesitated a moment, a pensive expression on her face. "What about cinnamon?"

"Add it," he replied quickly, before she had a chance to devolve into a nonsensical rant. "And drink some tea." Part of the reason he'd chosen the caffeine rich tea was for her benefit.

"Y'know, I didn't think you'd actually show up here this morning," she commented as she accepted a cup of tea from him and took a large gulp.

He poured himself a cup as well. "To be honest, I was expecting you to kick me out after five minutes."

"It would appear my heart is not as stony as you thought," she sniffed. "But then, you're pretty clueless when it comes to women in general, so I shouldn't expect any different."

He hated to admit it, but she was right- at least a little bit. "You could help me out with that particular subject," he pointed out; she seemed to be fairly knowledgeable about female behavior, particularly in regards to men.

"Uhuh," she agreed insincerely, then got up from her seat, stretched, and went about starting breakfast. "Looks like I, the student, have become the teacher." She took out her knife, a cutting board, some ginger, and oranges, then started peeling the ginger.

"...So." He paused, debating on the wisdom of asking such a question. Of course, he still went ahead and asked. "Tell me more about 'the eye.'"

"Eh?" Lin stared at him a moment, her lip curled up and her eyes narrowed.

"You know... Things that women do when they like a man." He might actually be able to get some insight from her on what kind of signals she might give out.

"Oh, please," she scoffed, predictably enough. "I got better things to do with my time 'an help you score."

"You make it sound as though I only want to have sex," he replied, offended.

"Are you a man?"

"What? Yes, yes I am."

"Well there you go."

"Really!" he huffed. "You act as though I am some sort of sex fiend. Not all men behave in such a way!" He thought she knew him better than that, at least, but apparently not- well, either that or she was trying to get a rise out of him again.

"Whatever. You wanna finally lose your virginity, go cry to someone else about it." She turned away and started peeling some ginger with far more force than was necessary.

"You are a huge child," he snapped, his patience gone. "Just because I do not _get around_ the way you do, that does not mean that I am a virgin!"

She stopped peeling her ginger and slowly turned around to face him, her eyebrows raised. "_What_ does that mean?"

"You know perfectly well what I am implying!"

"Well just to make sure we're on the same wavelength-" she paused and threw her knife down into her cutting board so hard that it dug into the wood with a loud _thwack_ and stuck there- "Why don't you grow some balls and spell it out for me?"

He realized at her reaction that he had let himself get carried away with his anger and had somehow managed to say the absolutely worst thing possible, in the exact worst _way_ possible. "Never mind," he said quickly, hoping against hope that there was still time to smooth things over. "That was over the line."

"Quit being a pussy!" she growled. "You wanna insult me, then just come out and say it- I don't got time for _implications_."

Of course she knew just what to say to get him riled up again.

"Did you just call me a _pussy?_ I was trying to apologize!" He didn't know why he'd tried in the first place; even if he could manage to get along with her, there was no way she would ever show any romantic interest in him, so what was the point? "Alright, I'll say it! You have had more men in you than- than the Urn of Whispering Warriors!"

"First of all, that is a _blatant_ exaggeration," she shot back. "And second: _since when!_"

"Oh, you told me yourself that you have seen plenty of men in their natural states." There was a small part of him, all the way in the back of his head where it would not be able to affect his actions even in the slightest, that knew that he was just being an unreasonable, jealous idiot. Yet he simply could not bring himself to care.

"You are such a _freak_," she spat, turning back to the cutting board and yanking her knife out of it. "So I know what a naked man looks like and suddenly I'm a slut?" She picked up the ginger root and resumed peeling it. "There is nothing inherently sexual about the nude form!" She threw the freshly peeled ginger down onto the countertop and grabbed an orange, then slammed her knife down onto it, chopping it in half in one clean blow. "It is merely sexualized by those who do not fully understand and accept it- mainly due to a combination of their own deeply seeded psychological issues and the standards put forth for them by modern _society!_" As she spoke she continued to chop oranges in half, which was actually a rather intimidating sight.

"If you do not care about the 'standards put forth by modern society,' as you so eloquently put it, then why do you care at all that I am accusing you of sleeping around?" He was looking forward to hearing her reason for that.

"'Cause it's not true, and I don't like people thinking things about me that aren't true!" She then once again stuck her knife into the cutting board and whirled around to glare at him. "And why should you even care whether or not I've slept around in the first place!"

"Because-" He had to think of something to tell her, something besides "because the thought of you with another man drives me insane," but he couldn't think of anything. "Because-" And it would be incredibly suspicious if he couldn't think of a reason for him to care. "Because of Tai Lung!" He really hated to drag his son into such a discussion, but he honestly had no other ideas. "You are already a bad enough influence on him as it is, I do not want any of your more questionable behaviors rubbing off on him!" It was actually a pretty good save, if he did say so himself.

She pressed her fingers to her brow for a moment, then flung her hands out for emphasis as she shouted, "You are _psychotic!_" Apparently, she believed him. "Tai Lung is _seven!_ What's he gonna do, go down into the village and start holding hands with all the little girls! Watch out! You shouldn't be too loose and fast with that kinda stuff, 'cause before you know it you'll be _lacing fingers_ with everyone in town! What will the _neighbors_ think!"

"Will you lower your voice?" Shifu snapped, worried that Tai Lung might actually wake up and hear her- or heaven forbid Master Oogway happened to be stopping by the kitchen and overheard their fight. "You are getting way out of hand-"

"Me? _Outta hand?_ You're the one who apparently thinks I need to submit my complete sexual history for your approval!" From the way she was ranting and balling up her fists it was obvious that she was dying to beat the living daylights out of him.

He was going to have to be the first one to calm down, otherwise he feared she might come at him with the nearest kitchen utensil- which happened to be her specialty, a wooden spoon. He had once seen her nail Tai Lung in the back of the head with one from halfway across the mountain for not eating his vegetables. "That is not what I was saying." He had to think of something to appease her, and quickly. "All I meant was that you are the type of person-"

"Oh no you did _not_," she interrupted him; apparently he'd said the wrong thing again. "So I'm just the _slutty type?_ Why? 'Cause I'm independent and I say what's on my mind and do what I want, and I don't depend on _a man?_ 'Cause I travel all over the country without a _husband_, God forbid? That is just _so_ typical of you!"

"What?" He couldn't help but get offended at her accusation. "And since when is that type of thinking typical of me? _As usual_ you have your head so far up your behind that you cannot even see straight!"

"That's rich!" she scoffed, and as he had feared she picked up the wooden spoon and began to wave it around as she spoke. "I think you're a little confused as to who has his head up his ass! 'Cause _as usual_ you're making ridiculous assumptions about me! You have no reason to believe that I sleep around!"

"Well, _do you?_" He probably shouldn't have said that, but he'd already said a lot of stupid things; he was too far gone to go back now. "I haven't heard you outright deny that accusation this entire conversation!"

At that she actually _did_ throw the spoon at him, though he managed to duck it just in time. "I'm a _virgin_, numbnuts!" she shrieked at him, then immediately after the proclamation fell completely silent, an expression of complete and utter remorse on her face as a blush worked its way into her cheeks.

Shifu was rather stunned himself, and stared back at her in shock as the silence between them stretched out. After what seemed like an eternity, he let out a small snort. And then, before he even realized what he was doing, he began to _laugh_. "You- _you_ are a virgin?" He couldn't keep his laughter under control, actually. "You- you made fun of me- but _you're _the one who's- and _I'm_ not-"

"Shut the hell up!" She growled, turning redder than ever. "There's nothing wrong with being a virgin!"

"Oh, sure, not now that _you _are the virgin in the room there is nothing wrong with it," he pointed out smugly, then let out another chuckle. "How are you still-"

"I don't like to be touched," she snapped and whirled around to continue preparing breakfast with more unnecessary force than ever. "Besides, I'm not that kinda girl."

"Well that- wait." He narrowed his eyes at her back, wondering if he'd heard her right. "You do not like to be touched?" It sounded rather... strange and antisocial- which he could of course see coming from her, but she touched people all the time. Although, that would explain why she screeched like a bat with smoker's voice whenever he picked her up.

"Not too much, no," she confirmed.

"...But you manhandle, hit, and _poke_ me constantly!" he pointed out, though he already knew that she would provide next to no insight in her response.

"Yeah, and _I'm_ touching _you_. That's different." Her tone was rather short, as if she was getting ready to kick him out of the kitchen. "It's a control thing."

"...Why don't we just put this entire conversation behind us?" He had a feeling that she was not about to agree to that, but it was at least worth a try.

"Not happening," she replied immediately.

"No, really, I apologize! I was wrong to say those things to you. You are obviously very, ahm... Pure. And chaste." He winced at the less than sincere tone of his words.

"Right," she grumbled, then once more dropped what she was doing in order to turn around and face him. "Y'know, normally I don't care what other people think, and it doesn't bother me when someone disapproves of who I am or what I do. But I consider you a friend, which means that it's pretty much a given I care what you think. And it's not just that, either. I mean, it's not the kinda person I am, so of course I don't want people thinking I'm someone I'm not."

He took a step back, startled by her ability to discuss her feelings in a calm and reasonable fashion. "...Are you alright?"

"Not now that I know you get laid more 'an I do, no," she replied, crossing her arms and leaning back against the counter. "Or rather, _got_ laid. There's no way you've had anything close to sex in the last five years, at least."

"You just love to saunter right over the line," he huffed; he didn't see why he should give any specifics, simply because he had embarrassed her first.

"I admitted that I have never known the touch of a man," she pointed out haughtily, "so spill."

"...Ten years," he grumbled, horrified at himself for having told her the truth.

"Ouch!" She was enjoying his pain as much as ever, of course. "I feel better now."

"I am certain you do."

She then reached up and scratched behind her ear, avoiding his gaze. "...So you don't really think it's dorky that I'm still a virgin, right?"

"I, uhm..." He wasn't exactly sure what the right answer to that would be; he could never tell when it came to Lin. It was one of the few things she had in common with the rest of womankind. "No, of course not. In fact, I even respect you for it. Well, slightly. Just a little bit."

She continued to carefully study the floor for a bit, then let out a small snort. "You're such a goober."

"It feels so good to know that I am appreciated." He paused, feeling awkward; he felt a little bit like a child who had just finished having a tantrum. "I really am sorry, though." He thought he should say something else, something encouraging, which of course ended in him saying something awkward and vaguely insulting. "For what it is worth, I am sure that... Well, there must be plenty of men in existence who would be glad to... Ahm... Well, you know."

Lin stared at him as if he had just announced that her mother was a prostitute. Then, after several long moments of silence, she said, "Get out."

"What?" He knew that what he'd said had been rather ridiculous, but she must have known that it was unintentionally so, and it was not nearly as bad as some of the things he'd said just a few minutes earlier.

"Get out of the kitchen," she repeated in a tone that brooked no argument. "Now."

"Alright," he agreed, mainly because she had already thrown her spoon at him, so he suspected the knife would be next. Even as he was leaving the room, though, he couldn't keep his mouth shut. "I just want to put it on record-"

She silenced him with a single glare, the likes of which she had never given him before. The look was not necessarily angry, just absolutely stone-cold. It was the kind of look that chilled him to the bone, that look that all women perfected at some point in their lives and only rarely used.

He had received that look before- from almost every woman he'd met, actually- and he knew that it did not bode well. That was why he beat as hasty a retreat as possible, and completely vacated the barracks altogether, because he knew that it would be wise to avoid Lin for the rest of the day, at least. Still, he didn't see why she had apparently forgiven him for accusing her of being loose, yet had then kicked him out of the kitchen for his botched attempt to reassure her. He had always had trouble understanding women, but Lin seemed like a whole different species all on her own; each conversation or fight with her made him feel increasingly as though he were in a foreign country with absolutely no idea of the customs and courtesies and only a rudimentary grasp of the native language.

Of course, this all meant only one thing: he needed advice. And, of course, there was only one person in the world he ever went to for advice. He turned and headed in the direction of the peach tree, hoping that he'd be in time to catch his master still practicing tai chi or collecting peach petals for the moon pool. He had no idea exactly what he would say once he was facing Master Oogway, but he at least needed someone to talk to. After all, it was frustrating (to say the least) to suddenly find that he had fallen in love with a woman who caused him nothing but mental, emotional, and at times physical anguish- and then to attempt to spend time with her, only to insult her to a point of no return.

He was in luck; Master Oogway was neither picking peach blossoms nor practicing tai chi, but instead was standing under the peach tree as if he were waiting for Shifu to show up. "Right, not creepy at all," he muttered to himself, for he had no doubt that the old turtle was doing just that: waiting for him.

"Good morning, old friend," he greeted, turning around to smile as his student. "And what brings you here so early in the morning? Could not sleep?"

"Not even if my life depended on it," Shifu admitted. "But that is not why I am awake. You see, I was with Lin. We were- well, she- and then- Alright. I sort of called her a slut and then she told me she was a virgin and I thought she forgave me but when I tried to reassure her she gave me this glare- you know, that icy glare that women do when they're trying to tell you without words that the world would have been a better place had you not been born- and kicked me out of the kitchen, so now I am here."

Master Oogway blinked down at him, then placed one clawed hand gently on his shoulder. "_Breathe_, Shifu."

"Right," he agreed, and took a deep breath. He had no clue what it was about Lin that reduced him to a stuttering, rambling lunatic while simply speaking about her, but he needed to get a grip. "Have you ever had this problem before?"

"Why, whatever do you mean?" Oogway feigned complete ignorance, which was not at all surprising.

"You _know_ what I mean."

"I am afraid you will have to spell it out for me, my student. I am rather old, and getting a bit soft in the head."

"Of course," Shifu grumbled, mostly to himself, then cleared his throat. "Master..." He sincerely did not want to bring up the subject with his master, but he couldn't think of what else to do. Besides, after almost one thousand years of life Master Oogway must have had _some_ experience with women. "...Have you ever... Fallen in love?" He winced as he said the words aloud.

"Hm..." The old master seemed to be contemplating the question for a bit, and then a knowing smile spread across his face. "I have," he answered. "A very long time ago. Why do you ask?"

Shifu should have known that he'd force him to admit his intentions explicitly. "I... I need advice," he grumbled miserably.

"Really? Advice?" Master Oogway seemed surprised at this. "Have you told Lin how you feel?"

"Well, I- wait! How do you know I'm talking about _her?_" He narrowed his eyes, but the benign expression remained on the turtle's face.

"It is painfully obvious," was his humiliating reply.

"It is?"

"It is," he confirmed with a nod. "Perhaps it is simply my centuries of experience that makes it so obvious to me. Or, perhaps I just know you too well, my friend." He let out a low chuckle, then. "So, what type of advice did you need, exactly?"

"Well, I... I, uhm..." Shifu found himself flushing in his embarrassment. "I was wondering if you had any experience with... With winning a woman over." He briefly considered simply throwing himself off the nearby cliff and ending his misery. He felt like an awkward teenager all over again, having to ask his master such a question.

Master Oogway blinked down at him for a moment. "You mean... You have not made your move yet?"

"'Made my move?'" Shifu repeated, startled by his master's wording. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"Well, you are old enough to know _that_ much," he replied, sounding about ready to laugh out loud. "Simply tell her how you feel."

"I can't," Shifu protested immediately. "I... I don't think she would respond well." Just thinking about such a scenario made his stomach churn. "She would probably laugh at me... Among other things."

"Probably," Master Oogway agreed, completely unhelpfully. "But if you sit by, waiting for the 'right time,' you may lose her. Biding your time can quickly turn into permanent silence. Trust me on this." He reached out to pat his student on the shoulder. "Throughout our lives, we do many things that we may regret later... But our biggest regret of all is always inaction."

He supposed a wise saying was inevitable, given the circumstances, but at least he could understand this one. "You are right, Master," he sighed, frowning. However, he wasn't sure if he had the courage to actually follow the advice. "This is going to end up blowing up in my face, isn't it?"

"Most likely." Once again, his master was not being the least bit comforting. "However... You never know. Remember, tomorrow is a mystery."

"Yes, I know."

"And no matter how well you get to know people, they are still capable of surprising you."

"Master," he argued, "she loves being alone, hates being touched, thinks of marriage as a form of slavery, is convinced that romantic love is nothing more than a myth-"

"Oh my," Master Oogway interrupted, sounding rather distressed. "That would explain why she is still a virgin."

"Fine, make fun of me," Shifu grumbled; he was sure that he sounded rather sulky, but he truly did not see how any of what his master was saying to him was helpful. "I just..." He supposed it wouldn't hurt to simply come out and tell the truth. "I have never felt this way before." He once again winced at his seemingly preternatural ability to sound like a lovesick child.

Oogway looked at him with a kind and fatherly expression on his wrinkled face, the sort of expression he used to wear when Shifu was a child and came to him with one of his many questions about the mysteries of life. "I know," he replied simply. "But I am afraid that there are no concrete answers for you."

He could hardly believe his ears; Master Oogway really had nothing left to tell him on the subject. "But all you really told me to do was to go for it! Pardon my rudeness, Master, but _that's it?_"

"What more is there?" he asked, sounding as if he thought he was absolutely _the_ wisest person on the planet.

Shifu stared back, his eye twitching as he felt his patience snap for the second time that say. "Well, _shit_, I don't know! Maybe you could reassure me with some amusing tale from your youth! Or perhaps you could give me some advice on _how_ to approach her! But no, never mind all that!" He was aware as he pointed an accusing finger at his master that he was most likely overreacting, but he couldn't stop himself. "You just do what you always do: give me some vague, generic wisdom, act like you just imparted some _great knowledge_ on me, and saunter off to your old turtle lair or wherever! I cannot do this anymore! I need something more concrete than all of your ridiculous 'maybes' and- and _riddles!_ What is _wrong_ with you, that you would even say these things to me!" He then attempted to imitate Oogway's calm and slightly distracted voice. "Just _belieeeeeve_, Shifu, a strong heart always triumphs, put your behind in the past!" He was too riled up to keep up the imitation, though. "You are supposed to be a thousand years old! You are supposed to know _everything!_ Why can't you just drop the stupid omniscient act for one moment of your life and just _say what you mean!_ Sometimes you make me want to- to-"

Master Oogway finally held up a clawed hand to stop his rant. "Shifu, I know all of these old arguments. You have always needed to feel like you have control over every little thing in your life, and you have always gone to great lengths to maintain that illusion."

Shifu could not believe that after he had exploded in a rage-induced rant, Master Oogway was still as calm and collected as ever- and even still attempting to impart wisdom on him. He actually felt rather sheepish at his outburst; he honestly didn't know what was wrong with him, that he kept lashing out at the people around him. He took a deep, calming breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Then, he attempted to once again argue with his master; after all, control was _not_ just an illusion- and it was perfectly reasonable to want to have control over his own life. "But-"

"Listen to me, Shifu," he interrupted firmly. "This is something that is out of your control. No matter what you do, in the end you cannot decide how someone else feels about you. All you can decide on for yourself is whether or not you have the courage to give voice to your own emotions. As with all aspects of life, you will only be fooling yourself if you believe that you are in control. This is a discussion we have had before, and I am certain that this will not be the last time, either. But try to remember my words this time."

With a quiet sigh, Shifu reached up to massage his temples; he was starting to get a very big headache. "Master, I _always_ remember your words."

"Hah. Prove it."

"I remembered that time you told me a strong heart always triumphs."

"You also recalled that I apparently told you to put your behind in the past." He smiled as his student blushed in embarrassment. "I know that you are frustrated and afraid. Those feelings are a normal part of falling in love. However, there is no reason to allow those feelings to get the best of you, and to lash out at others in anger. I can forgive you, of course, and I am sure that with time Lin will forgive you, too. But unless you want to devolve into a raving lunatic, I suggest you tell her how you feel."

"...I see." He tried not to let his eye twitch, he really did, but he simply couldn't manage it.

"I know how difficult it can be to admit your feelings," Master Oogway reassured him. "I have been in your position before- well, not in your _exact_ position. After all, Lin is what you might call one in a million."

"More like one huge pain in the butt," Shifu grumbled back.

"That, too." He offered up a somewhat encouraging smile. "Now, I suggest you go back and find out exactly what it is that you did wrong- since I am certain that you do not know."

"...No," Shifu admittedly sheepishly. "Well, I have _some_ idea." He paused to gaze longingly in the direction of the barracks, thinking of the breakfast he had picked out. Lin probably would have spit in his portion by now. "Perhaps I should wait until lunch."

"There you go!" Master Oogway gave him a brief pat on the back. "You are already learning."

"Beautiful," he muttered sarcastically.

"If you think _that_ is bad, just wait until she has you doing- oh, wait, you already do that. Well, when you- no, you do that, too. Although there _is_... Never mind." He gave a helpless shrug. "What can I say? You are whipped. And without any of the obvious advantages-"

"Do _not_ finish that thought," Shifu interrupted, feeling vaguely disgusted.

"Which is all the more reason for you to admit your feelings," he added with a note of finality in his voice.

"Right." Shifu had to admit, Master Oogway had a good point. Things probably wouldn't get much worse if he actually confessed to Lin, and then at least it would be over and done with, and he could stop worrying about it. "...At lunch, I'll do it." And it definitely would _not_ be pretty.

* * *

A/N: I don't think Shifu quite grasps the concept of romance yet. Also, this is kind of off-topic, but I think if this was a 90s high school sitcom, Shifu would be the kid with the inhaler. Just sayin'. (Then again, the kid with the inhaler is always the first one to get kissed... And then comedically follow up said kiss with a hit from his inhaler). Anyway, props to the movie and the scene when Shifu and Oogway have their final talk.

I hope all of you are having a lovely holiday season, whatever it is you may celebrate. I myself take part in the time-honored western tradition of consumerism: Christmas. Which is this Friday, no less! So, as a gift from me to all of you, I will be posting again next week. And along with next week's chapter I'll post a little link to some of my inspiration for this fic AND a "special announcement." Anyway, expect to see this stuff up around monday the 28th. See you all then!


	26. The Torch of Love is Lit in the Kitchen

A/N: Well, I finally finished this chapter up! And, as promised, I shall share some of my inspiration: music. I always need to have a playlist to help me along with any project, and this fic is no exception. And since I love to share music... Here's a link to the streaming version: playlist [.] com [/] playlist [/] 17269344267

As for my little announcement (and I mean little), that'll come at the end of the fic. And once again, thank you all for being such kind and patient readers.

Disclaimer: Never give Dreamworks water after midnight.

* * *

Chapter 26: The Torch of Love is Lit in the Kitchen

* * *

Lunch was coming along well, as far as Lin was concerned; and while she hadn't gotten much sleep it was nothing she couldn't handle, Tai Lung had not made a single complaint about the breakfast she'd made, and the weather was nice- but she was still in a terrible mood. And why?

Because of Shifu- why else? He was just such an ass, no matter what. She had actually attempted to be _nice_ to him that morning, and she'd let him pick out _breakfast_ (with her help, of course). The last time she'd let someone _else_ help her in a kitchen had been when she was a kitchen assistant in Shanghai- but that had been pretty much mandatory for the job. Yet somehow Shifu had found a way to turn the conversation into an argument about her sex life (or rather lack thereof), of all things. Even if she wasn't a virgin (admitting that to Shifu had been one of the most horrific things she'd ever done to herself), she didn't see how it could possibly matter.

And yet here she was making lunch for the idiot, because she was waiting for him to come apologize to her so she could _forgive_ him. She actually _wanted_ to forgive him, for crying out loud. She was probably going insane.

She was just about to turn her mind to other subjects and calm down when, predictably enough, she heard a small cough behind her. "Lunch isn't ready yet," she huffed as she turned around to glare at Shifu. "And you're lucky I even made you anything at all."

"Well," he replied awkwardly. "...Thank you. For making me lunch."

"And who says you're actually gonna get your portion?" she shot back; she wanted to hear an honest to goodness "I'm sorry" and she wasn't about to settle for any less.

He took a moment to look suitably sheepish, then actually got to the point- for once. "I apologize. I was... Very... Well, I was..."

"A dick tip," she finished for him.

"...What?"

"You were a dick tip," Lin clarified. "As in the tip of a dick."

"...Okay. I was that. And I am sorry for it." He glanced nervously around the kitchen for a bit, then asked, "Do you forgive me or not?"

"Well it's not like that was the first time you've been a dick tip," she pointed out, just to get on his nerves (he deserved it). Then after some completely pointless deliberation, she pretended to reluctantly come to her verdict. "Yeah, I guess I can forgive you."

He let out a loud sigh, as if he'd actually doubted that she'd forgive him. "Alright," he agreed, and she tried her best not to laugh at him. "I just have one question," he added, which usually meant he was going to say something stupid and offensive.

"Okay," she sighed, because she was willing to put up with his nonsense.

"I know I insulted your virtue, but then I thought you were going to forgive me... So I am not sure exactly what I said that offended you after that."

"...You mean you don't know?" She shouldn't have forgiven him so easily. "You say to me, 'Oh, I'm sure _someone_ in existence'll wanna bone you _someday_,' to me, and you don't know why that was offensive?"

"...Oops." He seemed to get her drift, _finally_. "I suppose it did come off as... Derisive. I did not mean to tease you, not for being a virgin, anyway."

"That's not why I was angry," she grumbled, annoyed that he still didn't seem to get it. "What got me angry was the suggestion that I am a virgin because absolutely no man that I have ever met, in the entire span of my life, has ever wanted- even a _little bit_- to have sex with me. In other words, the suggestion that I am completely and totally unattractive."

"You have suggested to me many times that I am completely and totally unattractive," he pointed out, completely missing her point as usual.

"That's different- they're _jokes_. I'm just making fun of you. _You_ were trying to make me feel _better_, and yet you still managed to say something like that- which means you believe it- subconscious thought and stuff like that." She paused to yawn loudly, which was the only thing she could think to do to keep from appearing upset. "Anyway, the point is that you were a dick tip. But I guess I can forgive you."

"Will you _stop_ saying 'dick tip,' already?" he snapped, rolling his eyes at her. "I get it! I am the tip of a dick!"

"And isn't that a horrible thing to be?" she replied, much more complacent now that he was losing his composure; nothing calmed her quite like driving Shifu insane. "You're not even an entire dick. You're only the _tip._ That's almost as bad as being a sandy vagina."

"You are gross," he needlessly pointed out.

"Hey, speaking of vaginas..." She figured some revenge was in order, now that she was feeling a little better. "...How many women you been with, anyway?"

"Why should I tell you?" he huffed, sounding offended- and hypocritical, as usual.

"'Cause it'll make me feel better," she replied, shrugging. "And trust me, I never expected the idea of hearing someone say 'one' would actually make me feel better, but thereya go."

"I will have you know that I have had relations with more than one woman," he grumbled defensively, a clear indicator that she was embarrassing him.

"Yeah?" She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at him, knowing full well that if she just pushed his buttons a _little_ bit, he'd blurt it out. "How many?"

"More than one, that is for sure!" he snapped.

"So, what, two?"

"...Perhaps."

"You _slut_." She acted completely scandalized, just to mock him. "Talk about sleeping around. Sounds like you had your hand in the cookie jar more often 'an... Well, more often 'an you get into the _actual_ cookie jar."

"Say what you want," he shot back, "but jealousy is not befitting of a lady."

She let out a bark of laughter at that one. "Me? _Jealous?_ Please, if I wanted to feel vaguely uncomfortable for thirty seconds I'd trip down the stairs again."

"I am not going to have this fight with you," he snapped, clearly agitated by what she'd said. "It is bad enough that I had that... _Other_ fight with you, I am not about to go down the same horrific road again."

"Wow, so you think my vagina's horrific?" She didn't actually think he'd implied that, of course, she just felt like making him feel uncomfortable- he deserved it.

"No! We are _not _going to discuss your private parts!"

"Apparently you find my parts too horrific to discuss." She watched as he started to blush brightly and suppressed a smile at how flustered he was getting.

"That is most certainly not what I meant, and if you do not mind I would really rather not have yet another conversation that involves your- your- _things_."

"_That's_ creative," she scoffed. "Y'know, I've seen plenty of peeshes, they ain't that big a deal."

"_Augh_," he replied, his eye twitching. "My ears will never be the same again."

"Y'know for someone who's apparently such a smooth operator, you're really a prude," she teased. She was really enjoying making him squirm. "Then again, what would someone as horrific as myself know?"

He snorted at the comment and crossed his arms, avoiding her gaze. Then he actually managed to surprise her by saying something relatively _nice_. "You should know that I, uhm..." He trailed off and cleared his throat, then attempted to speak again. "You are not... That is to say- what I mean is-" He paused again, looking like he would rather die than say the words he had in mind. "You are not unattractive," he finally finished.

"Uhuh," she agreed nonchalantly. "That was a convincing performance there, but I think my life will probably go on if you don't find me sexually attractive."

"Right," he sighed, sounding momentarily defeated, though she couldn't imagine why. "So... Lunch smells good."

"Thanks." To be honest, Lin was relieved by the change of subject. The last thing she wanted to do was discuss whether or not she was attractive with a man she herself was attracted to. "You wanna taste it?"

"You mean I am allowed?" He seemed shocked by the offer and he had every right to be; she _never_ allowed anyone to taste her food before it was served (besides herself, anyway).

"That's what friends are for," she replied as an idea occurred to her- it probably wouldn't work, but it was worth a try. She'd been worrying about getting out of the valley a lot lately, and the one thing that would definitely further her cause was money. "We're... Kinda friends now, aren't we?" She was remiss to put her feelings into words, but she needed to call on Shifu's unfailing sense of duty if she was going to ask for a raise.

"I... Suppose," he answered.

"I'll take that as a yes." She braced herself and said, "Before I letya taste lunch, I need a favor."

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her. "What kind of favor?"

"The kind where you give me money...?" She had ended the sentence as a question unintentionally, but decided it was for the best, anyway, since it made her seem more vulnerable.

"Absolutely not," Shifu huffed immediately, crossing his arms.

"Damn," she grumbled, her tone a little whiney; she wasn't down and out just yet, though. "You _sure_ I can't get just a _little_ raise?" After all, she could use the money.

"If you were even a halfway decent employee I would give you a raise," he informed her stiffly. "So the answer is no."

"Aww, c'mon," she pleaded shamelessly, and decided to try Tai Lung's technique and gave him a wide-eyed, watery look. "Please? I could really use the money."

He reacted pretty much how she expected him to, recoiling from her with an extremely disconcerted expression on his face. However, what he said after that caught her off-guard. "Please don't cry," he pleaded, somewhat frantically. "I cannot stand it when people cry."

She tried not to let her temper flare at that, she really did. Unfortunately, self-control had never been her strong suit. "First off, I _don't_ cry. _Ever_. Second- _you_ can't stand it when other people cry? 'Cause it's just all about you, right? God forbid anyone makes _you_ uncomfortable!"

"Well why do you care if you were not even going to cry?" he shot back defensively.

"'Cause you're a dick tip!"

"And _you_ are an infantile, temperamental, unreasonable-"

"Why'd you even think I was gonna cry, huh?" she interrupted, mainly because she didn't care what he had to say. "Is it 'cause I'm a woman?"

He hesitated just a split second at the accusation, which pretty much said it all.

"You have two and a half seconds to depart from my sight," she said coldly, before he could try to cover for that hesitation, then glared at him until he wisely beat a hasty retreat from her. She crossed her arms and continued to glare at the doorway, still fuming about what he had said. How was it that he could seek her out for forgiveness and then offend her again mere moments later? A small part of her was concerned that there must be something wrong, but the rest of her didn't care- she was out of patience for him, and he was going to have to work a lot harder this time to gain her forgiveness again. After all, one of the things that really got under her skin was even the mildest suggestion that she was a crybaby- probably because it had been true at one point.

Her grandmother had always scolded her for being a whiney, misty-eyed daydreamer. She supposed it had been one of the many reasons her family had picked on her; it was only natural in any social hierarchy to gang up on the weak ones, in the hopes of either eliminating them or at least making use of them for labor or something of the like. And after her grandmother had died, all she'd done was fret and cry all the time; the old woman had been her only defender, and as the matriarch of the family whatever she'd said had been law. Lin had spent most of her time worrying about what was going to happen to her, and not doing much else. Every time something had gone wrong, she had cried for her grandmother.

Eventually, she herself had gotten tired of the crying, and she'd just... Snapped. She'd told herself that as long as she was still alive, there was no reason to cry. She'd vowed to quit whining, to become stronger, someone she could be proud of. That had been eight years ago, and she hadn't cried since.

So, obviously, she found the insinuation that she _would_ whine or cry- and because she was a woman, to boot- extremely offensive. She wasn't about to tell Shifu her entire life's story to explain _why_ she found it so offensive, of course, but she still expected him to grovel at her feet for mercy. And if he thought she was going to cook even a single ounce of food for him until he apologized, he had another thing coming. Maybe she was overreacting a bit, maybe she was being too harsh, and maybe she was letting her feelings for him upset her a little too much, but she didn't really give a damn, because under no circumstances was she ever going to put up with his nonsense.

She let out a bark of laughter at that thought; she was starting to sound like her grandmother.

* * *

Shifu glared down at his reflection in the moon pool, cursing himself for his big mouth and his horrible social skills. Somehow he seemed to be doing everything wrong that day. All he'd wanted to do was apologize to Lin, yet somehow it had turned into yet another battle between them. He hadn't _meant_ to suggest that he thought she'd been about to cry because she was a woman, it had just _happened_. He had hesitated a single moment and somehow that had confirmed her accusation.

He didn't see why she was getting so worked up over it- she had _looked _as though she might cry, it wasn't as if his assumption had come completely out of nowhere. He had only hesitated because- well, because he was uncomfortable. He had never been the nurturing sort, so whenever someone cried in front of him he usually ended up standing around awkwardly or leaving the room entirely- and he especially did not enjoy seeing women cry. The fact that he'd thought _Lin_ had been about to cry had only made matters worse- he had no trouble at all believing that someone like her never shed a tear. It was nearly unfathomable. He supposed that was unreasonable of him, though; he felt like a small child who had never seen his mother cry, thinking in such a way. Still, regardless of what had happened he supposed he owed her an explanation. He just needed to wait for her to cool off a little bit.

"Master?" Tai Lung's voice echoed off the walls of the hallowed hall as he approached; he'd no doubt come to the hall for another scroll of kung fu to study- either that or one of the apparent romance stories he seemed to read in his spare time. "What are you doing here?"

"I, ahm... Was just thinking," he replied vaguely, hoping to keep his son in the dark about his most recent embarrassing predicament with Lin.

Unfortunately, not only was Tai Lung quite astute, he also happened to be Lin's first and foremost confidant. "Is this about the whole crying thing?"

Shifu reached up and massaged his temples as he felt a headache creep up on him. "My life is a shambles." His own son knew about his botched attempt to apologize to Lin- there was just no sinking any lower than this.

"Your life isn't a shambles," Tai Lung comforted, which only drove the stake of shame deeper into his heart. "I mean, it could be worse. Your hemorrhoids could be acting up again."

"...What?"

"Whenever you're in a bad mood Lin says that it must be your gigantic hemorrhoids acting up," he clarified.

He didn't want to know the answer to the next question he asked, but it was his duty as a father. "And what did she tell you about hemorrhoids?"

"That not everyone gets 'em, but you have 'em from being a miserable, neurotic mess," Tai Lung answered with such innocence and earnestness that Shifu couldn't bring himself to get angry. Besides, the boy was only quoting Lin.

"I will definitely keep that in mind," he replied darkly, though he would probably store such knowledge away for a later fight- seeing as fighting seemed to be an inevitable part of living with someone so borderline insane that her name itself should become an insult.

"Look, you don't hafta avoid Lin or anything," Tai Lung spoke up authoritatively, as if he were an expert on the subject. Although, compared to Shifu, he might as well have been. "All you need to do is sweet talk her and she'll forget all about what you said about girls being huge crybabies."

Shifu decided not to comment on Lin's apparent gross exaggeration of what had happened between them. "Sweet talk her?" He had only ever commented on her cooking, and somehow he doubted that even the most over the top compliment would get him off the hook.

"Yeah. Tell her... What was it, again? Oh, yeah. Tell her she's a strong, confident woman. And beautiful, too! Girls like that. Even though it's just Lin, I guess she counts." For a young child, he certainly seemed to know how to charm a woman. "Ooh, and say you respect her. She'll eat it up."

Shifu stared at him. "Where do you _learn_ these things?"

He just shrugged. "Lin says I'm a natural ladies' man."

He should probably give his son a little talk about how inappropriate his knowledge concerning these types of things was, but he had never been much of a talker. So he simply placed a hand on Tai Lung's shoulder, looked him in the eye, and said, "Do not have sex. _Ever_."

"What's sex?" He asked, blinking quizzically back at Shifu.

"Precisely. Now go study."

"Okay, but you better be ready to face her by dinner tonight, or else you won't be eating."

Shifu gave him a _very_ stern look at that comment. "Tai Lung," he warned, crossing his arms.

"I'm studying, I'm studying," Tai Lung huffed, and slunk off to pick out a scroll.

Shifu shook his head to himself as he watched the boy look through scrolls, trying to find the right one; he felt as though he had been going a lot softer on Tai Lung since Lin's arrival. A couple of months ago he would have been doing laps around the mountain for some of the things he'd said in their conversation; and while Shifu wasn't exactly sure how appropriate this newfound softness of his was, he was certainly enjoying the short term benefit of actually being able to converse with his son.

And, to be perfectly honest, Tai Lung had a point. He was never going to get a decent meal unless he talked to Lin- and flattery was indeed his best bet. He wondered if all those things- telling her she was a strong, confident woman- would get to her, but they probably would. The real problem would be the feelings of horror and shame that would come along with such compliments; he supposed if he _did_ tell her all those things, though, he would actually _mean_ them, at least on some level. The knowledge that she had made reference to his "gigantic hemorrhoids" to his son did instill a certain feeling of reluctance in him, but if he wanted to have any chance at all with her (however unlikely that was), he would need to apologize.

Through all of his musing, there was just one thought that he could not shake: Master Oogway had been right. He _was_ whipped.

* * *

It was dinner time, and Shifu was absolutely dreading having to face Lin. He simply could not wait until this day was all over with, and not for the first time. Still, the sooner he got his apology over with the better, so he took a deep breath and headed into the kitchen- only to be faced with the sight of Lin and Tai Lung eating without him. "Hi," he greeted awkwardly, standing in the door. "Um... Where is _my_ dinner?"

"Oh, _your_ dinner!" Lin slapped her forehead, feigning forgetfulness. "Y'know, being a woman and all, I was just so busy crying that I guess I forgot to make enough food for you. _Sorry_." She took a huge bite from her bowl and sent an icy glare his way as she chewed.

"Oh, I wasn't hungry anyway," he said tightly, and walked away.

From out in the hallway he could still hear Tai Lung whisper, "I think he's just gonna avoid you 'til you're not mad anymore."

"I hope not," she replied loudly, "because you can't _apologize_ to someone if you're _avoiding_ 'em."

He resisted the urge to groan out loud to himself; he was being ridiculous, and he knew it. He was avoiding Lin like a scolded child, and his own _son_ was giving him advice on women- he couldn't even fathom how he had fallen so far. "Suck it up," he grumbled to himself, then stepped back into the kitchen. "Tai Lung, go to your room."

"But I'm _hungry,_" Tai Lung protested immediately.

"Then take your dinner with you." He folded his hands behind his back and waited sternly for Tai Lung to do as he was told.

After a moment's hesitation, he grabbed his bowl and his chopsticks, raised his eyebrows at Lin in what was most likely some sort of signal, then slowly walked out of the room, no doubt with the intention of coming back to eavesdrop later.

Shifu decided that it was not the time to worry about that, though- besides, even if Tai Lung didn't listen in on the conversation he'd still hear about it from Lin later. "So." He wasn't exactly sure how to start.

"Boohoo," Lin replied flatly, and refused to turn away from her dinner.

"I never _said_ I thought you were going to cry because you are a woman," he pointed out, trying very hard to keep his voice calm. "All I did was hesitate just a _little bit_, and you put words in my mouth."

"Well if _I_ don't put words in your mouth, I dunno how else they're gonna get there," she shot back. "It's not like you got enough brain cells to get 'em there on your own."

He wasn't about to let her get away with that. "So how long did it take you, exactly?"

"Eh?"

"To become a certified pain in the ass," he clarified. "I have heard the program usually takes around four years, but you are such a _prodigy_."

"Y'know what?" She tossed her chopsticks on the table and finally turned to face him, glaring. "I ain't in the mood right now. So unless you got something _important_ to say, I suggest you get outta here before I ram my fist up your ass and punch you in the bottom of the stomach."

He supposed he would need to be a little bit nicer. "Hear me out," he managed to say before she had a chance to chase him off.

"You got a minute, and don't think I won't be counting." She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. "And if I don't hear what we both know you _should_ be saying, don't be surprised if I start cooking for two from now on."

"I... I did not mean to imply that crying is something that you would do as a result of being female," he pointed out stiffly. "So... There you have it."

"You don't seem to understand what it is that you need to say to me," she replied calmly. "Lemme spell it out for you. You say, 'I was wrong, I'm sorry.' Then I say, 'apology accepted.' Now _you_ try."

He pursed his lips and tried desperately not to get annoyed. It didn't work. Still, he knew her threat to not cook for him until he apologized was completely serious. "I... I am sorry. I was wrong."

"Apology accepted," she replied, even though she didn't sound like she forgave him, and went back to eating.

"You're sure?" he prodded, despite his instincts telling him to drop the subject.

"Yeah." Her tone was definitely still short, and there had to be a reason.

"You sound like you are still angry." He wondered if perhaps he should follow Tai Lung's advice after all. "I mean it, I am sorry."

"_Yeah_, I get it." She slammed her bowl down and stood up to start cleaning off the table. "You're _sorry_."

Maybe Tai Lung really was right, after all. He spent more time with Lin than Shifu did; despite his young age he must have gotten to know _something_ about women, or more specifically about her. "Also, I, uhm..." He wasn't sure how to phrase it. He didn't want to sound like he was coming on to her. "You're, uh..." He also didn't want to say it in a way that would piss her off even more. "I just wanted to say that..." He took a deep breath and braced himself. "That you are a strong, confident and beautiful woman, and I respect you." He winced, waiting for some type of outburst, but none came.

Lin just stared at him, her expression blank.

"Uh..." He hadn't been expecting a complete lack of response, and he wasn't sure what to do next.

"I forgive you," she finally said, in a surprisingly gentle tone of voice.

"Th-thanks," he managed, feeling like he'd just narrowly escaped death. He felt his heart jump into his throat, though, when she approached him.

Lin, to his amazement, simply licked her thumb and smoothed out his eyebrow with it. "I wasn't _that_ mad at you, actually."

"Okay," he breathed, finally able to relax. "...So you really never cry?" he asked, curious about what she'd said to him earlier that day.

"Not for eight years," she replied, but he wasn't concentrating on her words so much as the fact that she was still standing so close to him that he could feel her body heat. Then she ruined anything and everything positive about the moment by grabbing her dirty bowl from the table and shoving it into his hands. "This is for you."

"Thanks," he grumbled sourly, drumming his fingers awkwardly on the ceramic as he waited for her to back away from him.

"One more thing," she added, poking him hard in the chest with her index finger.

He tried not to stutter, but he couldn't help it. "Y-yes?" He doubted she would have anything good to say, but he could still hope.

"When you're done with the dishes, the wash basin could use a good scouring." With that, she pushed past him and walked right out of the kitchen, leaving him to clean up.

He supposed he maybe deserved it, with the way he'd been acting all day. Ever since his talk with Master Oogway and the conclusion that he would eventually need to tell Lin how he felt, he'd been on edge. Every time he saw her he felt a ball of tension beginning to form in his stomach; not to mention he was feeling constantly agitated- well, more so than previously. He was just nervous- mainly nervous about what her reaction would be if she knew. He had been rejected before, but something gave him the feeling that a rejection from Lin would be nothing less than slow, painful, and absolutely soul-crushing. And every time he was around her after that, he was sure that her delight in his pain would make him feel as though his face were being rubbed in a pile of gravel.

Well, there was really only one logical conclusion: he would need to avoid Lin at all costs. Besides meal times, he would simply not look at her, not speak to her, not so much as think about her. It would be just like having a _regular_ cook around. And no matter how she insisted that they had formed some bond of friendship, he doubted that she would object to having some time to herself, especially after the way he'd behaved.

At least there would be one advantage to avoiding her: he wouldn't be guilted, connived, or otherwise tricked into doing the dishes. Not for a little while, anyway.

* * *

A/N: First off, the announcement I keep promising: in light of the encroaching New Year, what with new beginnings and all, I am going to revise the first couple of chapters. Nothing too fancy, just making them more... Better. And there won't be any new information that's pertinent to the plot, so feel free to ignore the revisions. I aim to post the first of them next week, on January 4th, which will be the anniversary of the fic (because I'm a huge dork). For those of you wondering why chapters were so short to begin with... I had a self-imposed word count limit to make sure things didn't get out of hand and that updates continued regularly. I started raising the limit, and eventually just did away with it completely. And I think it is safe to say that things have definitely gotten out of hand. :)

You should also know that I don't want this fic lasting too long (i.e. another million months), so I'll be updating in one week's time whenever I can. I can't say exactly when that will be, and I know it won't happen every week (in which case the update will be within two weeks), but whenever I have some extra time in my schedule I'll concentrate on getting a chapter out early.

As for next chapter: More fighting, of course. And maybe something a little bit different, but you'll have to read to find out what that is.


	27. Forbidden Fruits Create Many Jams

A/N: Well, here we are again. I'll admit that I didn't think I'd be able to bang this out in one week, but I ended up getting some unexpected time off work, so... There you have it! Right in time for the fic's first birthday, too. Incidentally, this is also the day that the earth is closest to the sun (just a little bit of trivia for you). Anyway, I'll quit rambling. On with the show!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda was forged by Dreamworks within the heart of the black land Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom.

* * *

Chapter 27: Forbidden Fruits Create Many Jams

* * *

"Beautiful," Lin grumbled sarcastically to herself as she glared down at the meagre pile of savings she'd collected. If she _really_ cut back on costs and planned for an extremely lean journey, she'd be able to leave the Valley within the next week. She'd done it before, and she knew that she could do it again... She just kept hoping that somehow her savings would magically balloon, or she'd get a bonus or a raise of some sort. She should have let Oogway pay her, _that_ kinda money would have had her set for a journey around the world and then some. But deep down, she knew what she was trying to do with these kinds of thoughts: she was trying to make up some kind of excuse to stay. She just needed to remind herself that there _were_ no excuses.

Besides, things hadn't been so bad lately between her and Shifu. In fact, she'd barely even seen him since their argument, and that had been almost a week ago. Good riddance, too- the last thing she needed was to be constantly reminded of her sickening crush on him. She had hoped when he'd first started to make himself scarce that her feelings would have faded by now, but no such luck. Still, the important thing was that life seemed to be getting back to some sort of normalcy. She just needed to make it another couple of weeks, and then she'd be able to cut the apron strings and head on out.

The hardest part of leaving was going to be telling Tai Lung; he wasn't going to react well to it. She comforted herself by trying to look at the big picture: sure, she loved the kid, and sure, they were pretty close- but if she looked at the situation realistically, she had only been around for about three months. That was three months in an entire lifetime, and Tai Lung was only seven (well, almost eight according to him). He would be angry and sad to begin with, but eventually those feelings would fade with time. And so would his memories of her. Soon enough, she'd fade away entirely and it would be like she'd never even entered his life to begin with. Sure, every now and then he'd probably think of her and have maybe a vague recollection of her cooking or a specific moment they had shared, but there would be nothing attached to the memory but pure and simple nostalgia. He'd feel nothing more for her than he would for an old toy or his baby blanket. It was all part of being a child, and of growing up.

It hurt to think about, actually. She wondered if even when he was old enough to have children of his own and barely remembered her, she'd still love him just the same. It wasn't necessarily something she believed in, but she'd been proven wrong before. She had never planned on having any children, but... Well, it would have been nice to stick around, and see the kid grow up. Maybe if her life had been different, or if she'd made different choices in the past, she _would_ be staying. But that was no way to think- thinking in 'what if's usually led to regretting what really _had_ happened, and she wasn't about to go down that road. She could never be happy living in the Valley of Peace for the rest of her life, anyway, no matter how much she cared for Tai Lung. In fact, it would be better for him if she left- she was raised by miserable people, after all, so she knew how it could be. One thing she had learned from her parents was that if someone was unhappy, they tended to make everyone around them unhappy, too. She wouldn't want to do that to Tai Lung; that was one of many reasons that sticking around would just be no good.

She figured at that point that she should just get up and _do_ something, since sitting around her room and thinking was only depressing her. She wasn't sure what to do, exactly, so of course that usually led to some pretty heavy duty baking. And it was the middle of the night, too- the perfect time to bake, in her opinion. Mostly because there was no one else around to share the end product with.

At least, she had _thought_ there was no one around to share the end product with- and she'd been fantasizing about some green tea cookies the whole way to the kitchen, too. Unfortunately, she found that there was a light streaming through the doorway, and when she walked in she did not find who she'd expected. "What're you doing up, kid?"

Tai Lung jumped away from the cabinet he'd been rummaging through, looking guilty as sin as he replied in a sweet, innocent voice, "Nothing."

"Oh really?" She sat down at the table, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him; he had probably been looking for her cookie stash. "Siddown."

He squinted right back at her, then approached slowly. "What're _you_ doing up?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

"I don't sleep," she replied. "All the better to keep an eye on you, my little prisoner."

"I get it," he huffed. "You want me to go to bed."

She drummed her fingers on the table a moment, thinking about what she was going to do next; she _could_ send him to bed, or she could try to talk to him- which would probably earn her a fight with Shifu, if he found out about it. "I ain't sending you to bed," she decided. "_Yet_. I wanna know why you're up in the first place."

"I got a lot on my mind," he replied, and she tried very hard not to snort with laughter at that; the kid sounded like he was trying to be so grown up, as always.

"Like what?" She managed to get her amusement under control enough to be able to listen to him, anyway.

"Like... I dunno." He rubbed at his eyes, the way Shifu did when he was tired. "I was thinking about kung fu... And stuff."

"Wow," she replied flatly. "Deep."

He frowned at her sarcasm. "Well, I also was thinking about Master Shifu," he went on. "And you. You and Master Shifu."

"Yeah, the two of us exist. What of it?"

"Well, um... Are you guys gonna... Kiss or something? Or, like, date?" He stared at her expectantly, as if he had been dying to ask that question for weeks.

"Yeah, sure," she answered easily, watching his face light up. "At the next solar eclipse."

His expression instantly fell into one of complete disappointment, and she took a moment to think about how good she could be at this whole parenting thing. "Why not?" he asked, apparently not ready to give up the subject.

"'Cause it'd be gross," Lin told him with an air of finality. "And while we're on the subject, I don't really think this is the kinda thing you should be losing sleep over." She paused and waited for him to answer, but he just stared at the floor so she gave him a little nudge on the arm. "Y'know?"

"Yeah, I know," he finally grumbled. "It's just... You guys fight all the time, and everyone knows it's 'cause you like each other. And if you don't get together, you're just gonna keep fighting, and then what? Are you guys just gonna end up hating each other or something?"

Lin blinked back at him, stunned for a moment at how astute his observation was; who knew that a kid would be worried about the thin line between love and hate? "Listen, that won't happen. I know I bust Shifu's balls a whole lot, and he says a lotta stupid stuff that pisses me off, but that's just the way we are. I'm not gonna start hating him for it. Hell, that's part of why I like him."

While Tai Lung was very mature for his age, he still sometimes said and did childish things- she liked to think of them as reminders that he really was just a kid. "You don't literally bust his balls, do you?" This was one of those things.

"Perhaps some day, my friend," she sighed, patting him on the shoulder. "If I'm lucky."

"So basically what you're saying is that everything's fine and I shouldn't worry?"

She looked back into those wide, innocent eyes and for some reason she just couldn't bring herself to lie and say yes. But she couldn't tell him the truth, either. "There's no such thing as everything being fine, kid," she settled on. "But that doesn't mean that _you_ can't be fine. Y'get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I think so." He reached up and rubbed at his eyes again, and she had a feeling that the conversation was going to need to end pretty soon so he could get some rest.

There was still one more thing she had to say to him, though. "Hey, Tai Lung. There's something you should know, before you head off to bed." She braced herself, fully aware of the possible consequences of her admission. "I mean, it's kinda important." She wanted to say something before she had to leave, so that her confession wouldn't be a bitter moment.

"Yeah, okay," Tai Lung agreed casually, and leaned back in his seat.

"Well, first off you should know that I don't go around saying this a whole lot. Or at all, really. Not since I was a kid, anyway." She cleared her throat, then reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I, uh... Love you."

"Eh?" He looked at her as if she were insane, his mouth hanging open a bit.

"I mean, in a... Like a parent-ish way," she needlessly clarified. "Y'know, like... Like that..." She trailed off, embarrassed. "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed quickly; he looked about as embarrassed as she felt. "Hey, uh... Likewise." He coughed a bit, and looked away from her. "Um, I should probably go back to sleep."

"Yeah," she said, and gave him a hearty pat on the back. "Yeah." She paused, trying to think of something of some meaning to say. Unfortunately, her mental bucket came up dry. "Well, you better head off to bed now." She figured it would be easier for both of them to just... End the conversation.

"Right, sure, yeah." He jumped out of his chair and ran for the door, then stopped in the doorway to say, "You know, Lin... If you love Master Shifu, you should tell him. Just so you don't regret it or anything." With that, he ran off.

Lin rolled her eyes at that last bit of advice. As cute as the kid was, she was starting to get tired of his wishful thinking. And if he thought she was going to regret not telling the ass how she felt then he was dead wrong. The only thing she would regret would be saying something and getting laughed at. No, this was one secret she was going to take to her grave- as far as Shifu was concerned, anyway. Instead she would just... Bake.

* * *

Shifu peered into the kitchen, just to make sure that Lin wasn't around, then snuck in. It was about mid-morning, and he was absolutely starving. It was his own fault, of course; he'd barely eaten at breakfast, he'd been in such a rush to get away from her. He was certain that she'd started to notice his glaring absence as of late, but he simply could not be around her- because every time she got near him he started thinking about what it would feel like to hold her, or kiss her... And he did not want to find out where those thoughts would lead.

Besides, he had better reasons for avoiding her than just the fear of rejection. He wasn't an idiot, and he knew how to put two and two together. The way she kept asking for raises, the way she talked about far-off places- and added to that was the knowledge that she had not spent more than a week living in any one place for quite some time. He suspected that Lin was planning to leave the Valley. He had no concrete evidence, of course, but she had come out of the blue looking for a job and a place to live, and chances were that she was not planning for her arrangement to be permanent.

Therefor, there would really be no point to telling her how he felt. At least, that was the excuse that kept running through his mind. There was a very small part of him that kept insisting that all this meant was there was nothing to lose, but he largely ignored it.

He picked up an apple and bit into it; Lin always picked out the smallest apples he'd ever seen in his life, but they were also the most delicious. He'd never really thought of apples as a particularly juicy fruit, until she started doing all the grocery shopping. And as he hungrily devoured the apple, he also mentally cursed at himself; he couldn't even eat a piece of fruit without thinking about Lin. He was smitten, and it was absolutely horrific.

"Of course you're in my fruit bowl, why would I expect any different?" Lin's voice startled him and he briefly made a ridiculous attempt to hide the apple core behind his back before realizing that he was being childish.

"...Where are you?" He peered at the doorway, waiting for her to walk through, but it remained conspicuously empty. He wondered for a moment if her voice had just been in his imagination (he sincerely hoped not, that would have just been pathetic).

"You're the one with sonar," she replied sarcastically. "You tell me."

He blinked in surprise as he turned toward one of the small windows nestled high near the ceiling. "What on earth do you think you are doing?" He glared up at her as she began tossing branches in through the window, which then landed at his feet with a clatter.

"My job." She tossed another branch in his direction, clearly aiming for him.

He caught the branch and resisted the urge to throw it back. "Why are you throwing tree branches at me?"

"They're perfect for skewers," she replied, then reached for something behind her and yanked on it; he realized that she must have been in a tree, picking the branches as she spoke to him, which explained how she'd gotten up to the window in the first place.

"And what were you planning to skewer?" He picked the other branch up off the floor and put them both on the kitchen table.

"Besides your masculinity?" She threw a third branch at him. "Cubed eggplant stuffed with cheese- that's fermented milk- and almonds. It's a dish I learned while passing through the middle east."

"Sure," he replied flatly as he placed that last branch on the table. "And you met a Saudi prince who declared you his sole successor."

"Fine, don't believe me. It'll taste just as delicious, either way." And then to Shifu's utter chagrin, she began to climb through the window, which was a good ten feet off the ground, to get back into the kitchen.

"Stop that!" he snapped and despite how ludicrous he was sure it looked he ran to stand underneath her, so he could catch her if she fell.

She stared at him a moment as if he were completely insane, then shook her head at him and, while gripping the windowsill with one hand she reached out and grabbed a nearby shelf with the other. "I ain't climbing all the way back down this tree and walking around. And quit being such a pain in the ass!" She then grabbed the shelf with her other hand and stepped off the windowsill, swinging her legs around to rest atop the cabinets that lined the wall beneath the shelf.

"You are going to hurt yourself," Shifu lectured as his heart leapt into his throat at every daring move she made.

"I'll keep that in mind, _mother_," Lin scoffed, then dug her toes into the handle of a cabinet door beneath her, kicked it open, and began to climb down the entirety of the kitchen's cabinetry as such, closing cabinet doors again as she passed. And, amazingly, she did not once trip, slip, or otherwise falter.

Still, he stayed underneath her just in case, and only relaxed when she was safely back on the ground. "You could have very easily fallen," he pointed out, though he knew she would pay absolutely no attention to the warning.

"I'm pretty sure I woulda survived," she shot back as she grabbed a small utility knife from the knife rack and headed to the table. "And I was just kidding before. You can eat my fruit." She sat down, grabbed a branch, and began stripping it of its bark.

"I am no longer hungry," he replied stiffly; after the way his stomach had lurched when he was sure she would fall from the window, he didn't want to put anything else in it.

She turned in her seat and eyed him for a minute, then said something surprisingly open. "Y'know, you kinda remind me of my sister," she sighed, sounding wistful for the first time he could recall.

"Oh?" He found the sentiment somewhat insulting, but mainly because he expected her to come out with some kind of elaborate joke comparing him to a woman as a result of this apparent moment of nostalgia. "...And what was she like?" He doubted he would be able to stop her, anyway.

"She was seven years older 'an me, and really high-strung like you are. The only thing that ever really calmed her down was when I brushed her fur for her." She paused, as if she were remembering her past with her sister. "And even though she was a nervous wreck, she always looked out for me."

Shifu gave up hope that he would be able to retreat from the kitchen and continue his practice of completely avoiding Lin, so instead he sat down next to her at the table and watched her scrape the bark off of her sticks. "If you are implying that I go out of my way to protect you, then you are sorely mistaken." He still didn't see where her story was going, though; she had yet to outwardly insult him, and that was highly suspect. "So what happened to this sister of yours?"

"Oh, she got sent off to be married to some old guy." She shrugged, as if this were nothing out of the ordinary. "That was when I was seven."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "...So that would make her fourteen."

"Yeah. That was standard for my hometown. Girls were sent off to be married at fourteen- it was considered the best age 'cause they were generally old enough to have kids already, but they were young enough that they still had a few solid, healthy years left on 'em before it all went downhill." She finished stripping the bark off her first branch and began to carve a notch in the middle. "Like I toldya before, marriage is a business and women are commodities."

He wasn't exactly sure what to say to her; the conversation had definitely taken an unexpected turn. "I... I am sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. It's life, and like I said, it's standard." She then broke the branch in half over her knee, using the knife to cut off any stray splinters.

He couldn't believe that she could talk about something so depressing with no apparent emotion. "I see. Do you... Do you even remember your sister leaving?"

"'Course I do," she huffed, and looked up from her work to momentarily glare at him. "I was devastated."

"Really? You sound more like you were mildly distracted by it." He realized immediately after he spoke that it had probably not been the smartest thing he had ever said, and fully expected her to kick him out of the kitchen with a great deal of shouting and maybe a plate or two thrown in his direction.

However, Lin shocked him by not reacting with anger at all. Instead, she tossed her two finished skewers onto the table, crossed her arms, and said, "I am going to assume that you already regret having uttered such an insensitive thing. Am I correct?"

"Yes," he managed to work out as he leaned as far back in his seat as he could, just in case.

"Good. Because I would hate for you to think that I was telling you something completely inconsequential when it is in fact a deeply personal memory from my childhood."

"No," he answered quickly, "I do not think that at all."

"Okay." She seemed satisfied by the mild panic in his voice and began to turn another tree branch into a cooking utensil. "Now where was I?"

"Your sister left to be married and you were devastated," Shifu offered, still a little nervous that she might snap at any moment.

"Yeah, that. Anyway, I'll never forget the last words she ever said to me. I told her to come back and visit us, and she took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said, 'This is the last time you will ever see me, for as long you live.' And she was right." Lin stopped there and just concentrated on hacking away at the piece of wood, apparently done with her story.

He supposed that despite the fact that she was an unbalanced, obnoxious harpy who fed off his misery he should still attempt to comfort her. "Well, you have hardly lived through your entire life. How do you know you will never see her again? And what is to stop you from going to see her?"

"I suppose nothing's actually stopping me," she admitted. "But I have no desire to go see her, and I don't have any reason to see her, either."

"But she's your sister!"

"And the last time I saw her I was seven," she pointed out evenly. "If she's even still alive she's most likely a completely different person from who she was at age fourteen, just like I'm a completely different person from who I was at age seven. The sister I remember is just that: a memory, and nothing more. If I were to go see her now, if she even knew who I was and actually wanted to see me, we would be strangers to each other. I have no more reason to see her 'an I do to see any other stranger on the street."

"You're wrong," he argued instantly, though he knew he was running the risk of upsetting her, and he was not entirely sure that he would be able to handle a genuinely upset Lin. "It is true that you and your sister have probably changed over the years- people do change, after all- but that does not mean that you no longer share a connection. You are still sisters, and you still love each other. And that is reason enough to see her."

She once again surprised him by not flying into a rage. "You made some good points," she conceded, which was very out of character for her. "But they weren't exactly convincing." That was more like her, at least. "I _loved_ my sister- emphasis on the past tense. Anything I feel now is simple nostalgia. Love that lasts forever, even when you haven't seen someone in years, is a load of bullshit. Sure, people pine over lost loved ones, but they don't love actual people, just _memories_. And eventually, even that fades, and if they still pine it's only because they love the idea of everlasting love, so they fool themselves into thinking they feel something they really don't feel. That sounds cold, I know, but it's the truth." She paused to break the branch in half, like she had done with the first one. "Anyway, I'm not about to go outta my way to hunt down someone I haven't seen since I was seven outta some misplaced sense of nostalgia. I got more sense 'an that."

She stopped her story again and moved onto her third branch, but Shifu couldn't think of anything to say in return; to say he was stunned would have been an understatement. After the tense silence had stretched out to an uncomfortable length, Lin spoke again. "I guess you were expecting this to be one of our regular lighthearted arguments, so sorry I sprung this on you."

"No, there is no need to apologize," Shifu replied quickly. He was actually quite happy that she had felt comfortable enough to open up to him about her actual emotions, although her final diatribe about the fleeting nature of love had been less than encouraging. It only reinforced his suspicion that she would leave the valley, since he was certain that such a belief would lead her to feel less attached to the people around her. There was nothing to tie her down, as it were, because even if she had come to care about Tai Lung, Master Oogway, and perhaps even him (in a platonic sense, he was sure), she still believed that those feeling would fade.

"You look kinda... Uhm... Upset," she pointed out awkwardly.

In that moment, there were so many things he wanted to say; he wanted to voice his suspicions and ask if she were really going to leave, he wanted to tell her how he felt, and most importantly he wanted to beg her to stay. He had never felt the urge to beg anyone for anything in his adult life, but he was considering it now. "I am fine." He couldn't actually say anything, though. "I just... Am restless, that is all. I think I should head to the training hall. I left Tai Lung with Master Oogway and I want to see if anything actually sank into the boy's head."

"Probably not," Lin replied. "He can be as thick as you are, at least when it comes to certain things."

"I suppose," he agreed, and stood up to leave before he could say anything that he would regret.

"Don't be late for lunch," she warned at his retreating back.

"I would not dream of it," he replied, and while the statement was innocuous enough, he still had the distinct feeling that he was going to end up regretting it.

* * *

Lunch was most likely nearly over, but Shifu was not even a little bit hungry. He had stayed in the training hall after Tai Lung had run off to eat with Lin, and while he had intended to make an attempt at meditation, he had simply ended up pacing around the perimeter of the obstacle course. He hadn't been able to clear his mind, so instead he was occupying it with pressing matters; mainly with how he could once more improve upon the obstacle course's design.

Despite his efforts to occupy himself with something useful, he still couldn't stay focused on the task at hand. He just kept focusing on everything that had been on his mind lately- his worries about whether or not Lin would stay, about his feelings, about whether or not he would end up embarrassingly confessing said feelings like an awkward schoolboy...

He was so absorbed in his worries, in fact, that as he stared vacantly at the swinging clubs of instant oblivion he nearly walked right into someone who had stepped into his path. Luckily he was able to stop short before walking head-on into... Lin. Of course.

"You missed lunch," she huffed without so much as a preamble, and jabbed a finger painfully into his chest.

Shifu stared back at her, surprised; he had missed out on meals before, but he couldn't recall her ever actively seeking him out as a result. "I have a lot on my mind," he replied truthfully, rubbing at the spot she'd poked. He didn't think that the vague reply would satisfy her, though, so he went on. "I have been thinking of adding on to the obstacle course again."

"...Again?" Lin blinked at him, the annoyance dissipating from her expression as her shoulders began to shake. She laughed and punched him in the arm, and while it didn't hurt he still flinched out of surprise and a certain level of indignation that he just couldn't shake, no matter how many times Lin tried to hit him in a so-called friendly manner. "Please tell me you're kidding," she sighed, once she'd calmed down. "You actually _designed_ this horrible place?" She waved her hand about, apparently trying to indicate the entire training hall.

"It is _not_ horrible," he snapped, offended by pretty much her entire demeanor. "And yes, yes I did. I don't see why that could be either funny or unbelievable."

"Even that dummy thing over there?" She pointed to the adversary, snorting a little bit.

"_No_. I simply added on to what was already here. I _improved_ the training hall, you see." He tried not to get annoyed at how amusing she apparently found him, but it was difficult.

"You crack me up, y'know that?" She shook her head and grinned at him, but then actually looked a little hurt at the completely deadpan expression on his face. "Aw, c'mon. You don't think it's funny that you went through all the trouble of making this place as terrifying and deadly as possible, and now the only student you got using it is your seven-year-old son?"

"No, I do not find that amusing at all," he replied tightly. "And frankly, I am insulted that _you_ find it so funny."

"Oh." The grin completely disappeared from her face. "But... Why?"

"Oh, I don't know... Maybe because you are mocking my entire life?" he offered. He crossed his arms, waiting for her to get angry or offended, but was surprised to find that she remained calm.

"Well, you can mock _my_ life, if you want." She still sounded a little hurt, even.

"You don't _have_ a life to mock," he shot back, and instantly regretted it, because he knew that _once again_ he had gone too far.

"Okay, I guess not." Lin still didn't seem angry, but she definitely didn't look happy, either. "No, you're right. It's been about three months since I've had a life, actually."

He didn't need a lot of time to figure out that three months was approximately the amount of time she'd spent at the Jade Palace so far. "I didn't mean-"

"Nope," she interrupted. "No, I'm sure you didn't." She paused, and appeared to be thinking. "But you're right. I really... Haven't had a life, since I came here. Besides cooking for you." She shrugged. "I just didn't realize it until you pointed it out to me."

"Well- I mean..." He tried to think of something to say to make her feel better, but he wasn't even sure if she was hurt to begin with. Besides, he could see how this train of thought would lead to her leaving as he had feared; while he didn't think that anything he could possibly say would change her mind, he still had to try. Unfortunately, the only thing he could think to say turned out to be rather... Lame. "It hasn't been that bad, has it?"

"Naw. Boring, but not bad." She scratched behind her ear, still looking pensive. "Y'know, this is why it's impossible to joke around with you."

"Sorry."

She blinked back at him, looking surprised. "Wow. You're sorry? Really?"

"Not so much now that you are getting ready to make fun of me for it, no," he grumbled. "And don't try to deny it- I can practically see the gears turning in your head."

"Okay, you caught me," she admitted, though her mood appeared to be picking up again. "Look... I didn't mean to make it sound like I hate it here at the Jade Palace or anything. I actually _like_ it here. It's... Well, it's homey, for lack of a better term." She blushed a little at the admission, most likely embarrassed by it. "I like cooking for you, too."

Shifu felt his heart practically leap into his throat at that; he knew that he shouldn't read too much into anything that Lin said, but that last statement was encouraging, to say the least. "And I like your cooking," he replied.

"I know," she said flippantly. "I'm not blind, y'know- I see the way you stuff your face at every meal. There's a _reason_ I call you Pudge, y'know."

"I thought it was because I'm fat," he blurted out without thinking. He paused after he realized precisely what he'd said, his eye twitching as Lin laughed at him. "That is _not_ what I meant to say," he attempted to clarify, though he knew the damage had already been done.

"Priceless!" she managed to wheeze out, then dissolved into laughter again.

He crossed his arms and waited for her to stop, which didn't take as long as he would have expected; she still had a huge grin on her face, though. "I am not fat," he huffed. "I simply meant to say that you _think_ I am fat."

"Aw, I don't think you're _fat_ necessarily." She sounded as though she were trying to comfort a toddler at first, but then an unexpected note of sincerity entered her voice. "I mean, I admit that my cooking can be a little rich. I've definitely fattened you up a bit." She punctuated the statement by poking him in the belly. "But middle-aged men tend to retain a little more weight, anyway. It's a normal part of the circle of life." She then reached out and pinched his cheek, raising her voice to the kind of high-pitched simpering that could only be characterized as baby talk. "That doesn't make you any wess special, my handsome widdle boober," she teased.

"Let go of my face!" he snapped, batting her hand away. "You honestly are the most annoying person I have ever had to deal with." He rubbed at his sore cheek and frowned at her, though a small part of him wondered if she actually did think he was handsome.

"And yet you keep coming back for more and more punishment," she pointed out. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're just a masochist?"

"I must be," he grumbled, though mostly to himself.

"No arguments here. Anyway, if you ain't gonna eat lunch, I'll just go feed your portion to Tai Lung- the kid is a bottomless pit, lately."

"Before you go," he blurted out, because if he held it in any longer he thought he was going to go insane. "There is... Something I have been meaning to tell you."

"Yeah?" She raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for him to say what had been on his mind lately.

He looked her straight in the eye, took a deep breath, and... He hesitated. He just couldn't do it; the words were caught in his throat, and his mind had gone completely blank.

"...Okay, then," she said, her patience apparently gone. "Thanks for that little tidbit, I'll just be on my way now." She turned to go, but he couldn't let her just leave.

"Wait!"

She actually stopped and waited, too.

"I, ahm..." This was it. This was his one chance to tell her how he felt. "I don't think I will be at dinner tonight." He felt like such a coward; he couldn't even tell the woman he loved how much he cared for her.

"Yes you will," she argued back. "And if I don't see you at the dinner table tonight, I'll come down here, shove my hand down one of your huge-ass ears, punch a hole in your thick skull, and drag you to the kitchen by your optic nerves. Got it?"

"You have an absolutely rancid personality," he concluded.

"I'll take that as a yes." With that, she turned and bustled out the door.

He felt like such a fool; he wasn't even sure if he would be able to face Lin at dinner. The only thing he could think to do was to meditate.

That was it; would ask Master Oogway to continue supervising Tai Lung's training and studying for the rest of the day, and he would meditate- or at least he would try to.

* * *

Lin cracked her knuckles as she prepared herself for the battle that was about to go down. Shifu had failed to show up for the second meal that day- _in a row_- and she was going to make good on her promise to drag him back to the kitchen by his optic nerves. He had been acting completely loopy lately, and she had made a fair share of allowances for him, but he had gone too far by skipping dinner. She had made _cheese_ for him, for crying out loud- thick, strained yogurt cheese to be precise, and the ingredients had taken a lot of effort to track down- and she had proceeded to roll that cheese into tiny little balls, soak those balls in peanut oil (even her powers were not great enough to track down olive oil in the middle of China), roll those balls in crushed almonds, and then _stuff_ those almond-rolled cheese balls into small cubes of eggplant. And unless there had been a mortal wound to keep Shifu from attending the near-heavenly meal (rosemary skewers would have brought it to a divine level, but again, even she had her limits), she was going to roll _his_ balls in almonds, stuff them into little cubes of eggplant, and skewer them on a sharp stick. Then she would delight in roasting them over an open flame and feeding them to him.

She supposed, as she stomped toward the training hall, that she was overreacting just a little bit. Still, he should have known by then that it was important to her that he attend meals. Besides, despite her best efforts to keep her feelings to herself, she hadn't been able to stop herself from... Well, from expressing herself with her cooking. Just a little bit. It had started off as a subconscious thing at first, but she had been cooking for him, lately. She knew she could never _ever_ admit her feelings to him aloud, but they had managed to leak out in the form of increasingly elaborate cuisine from every region she had even an ounce of culinary knowledge in. And, though she hated to admit it, his absence from any one of those meals felt like a rejection.

She had been willing to let lunch slide, since he had seemed so completely out of sorts lately, but _dinner_, too? And after she had explained to him what she was making? It was completely unacceptable, and she was going to give him a piece of her mind.

At least, that was the plan right up until she reached the doors to the training hall- then, suddenly, she had seconds thoughts. She hadn't had second thoughts about ripping somebody a new one in _years_, but she supposed that was the kind of thing that happened when she stayed in one place for too long; she was starting to get soft. She couldn't help but think that if there was actually something legitimately wrong, like if Shifu was depressed or sick, then she would feel bad for reaming him out. And besides, they'd had a huge fight last week, and that had led to him completely avoiding her; while she appreciated the space, she sort of... Missed him. That had been part of the reason she'd blurted out all that stuff about her oldest sister to him.

Lin reminded herself of her grandmother's penalty for missing a meal (a sound boxing on the ear and nothing to eat for the next twenty-four hours), then pushed open the heavy wooden doors and walked into the training hall. Yet when she saw him sitting on the other side of the room in front of his little scented candles, she couldn't keep up the frenzy she had whipped herself into. He didn't even look like his usual bundle of nerves; instead he just looked... Despondent.

She rubbed at the side of her face as she approached him; she had somehow become nothing more than a gelatinous blob of emotional mush, and it was all because of this idiotic man. She stopped to stand beside him, and while he didn't acknowledge her presence, it was clear by the way his ears twitched that he knew she was there. "Hey." She couldn't even make herself sound angry. "You're still here?" Lin raised her eyebrows at him, frowning. At least she could still manage a frown.

"Yes, I am," Shifu answered simply.

"You missed dinner," she pointed out, her voice briefly taking on the harsh tone one would expect from a concerned mother; she grimaced when she heard herself. "What I mean is, dontchya wanna eat?" That sounded a little better, anyway.

"I am not hungry," he replied with his usual sternness.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him, then attempted to reason with him. "If this is about the whole fat thing earlier-"

"_No_," he ground out immediately. "It most certainly is _not_." He then paused and straightened himself up a bit, though he still didn't stand or turn to face her. "I am simply... Contemplating life, and all of its mysteries."

She snorted at his response; she honestly didn't want to offend him, for once, but she just couldn't help herself. Despite her concern for him, she was still too amused by him for her own good.

"It is _not_ funny," he snapped, visibly bristling at her laughter.

"Sorry, it's just... Really? The mysteries of life?" She honestly didn't see what was so mysterious about it. "Didya ever stop to think that maybe you're thinking _too_ much? Maybe there's no reason for the universe being the way it is. Maybe it just _is_. And even if you _did_ know all of its secrets, that wouldn't help you very much, now would it? It'd probably just make you unhappy. Ever hear of 'such is life' or 'whatever will be will be?'" She paused, waiting for him to argue with her, but he didn't respond at all. She supposed he needed some clarification on what her point was. "I guess what I'm saying is: if you're too busy thinking about life to actually _live_ it, you'll end up missing out."

He sat in silence for a bit longer, then sighed loudly. "I suppose you have a point," he admitted, without a trace of reluctance.

She raised her eyebrows at that; she hadn't expected him to concede to her even a little bit. "Well, _this_ is new." She once again waited for some type of offended reply, but got none; she was starting to get worried about him again. It wasn't like him to be so quiet, or to simply accept her reasoning. "Hey, look. You gotta eat, whether you're hungry or not. It ain't good for you to skip meals. So why not just have a little snack, huh? It might make you feel better, anyway."

"And what makes you think I need to 'feel better' in the first place?" Now _that_ was more like him.

"Nothing. You just seem a little off, is all." She tried to think of a better way to describe it. "Kinda... Outta sorts. Y'know?"

"Of course I know," he grumbled. "_I'm_ the one feeling out of sorts."

"Well then... A bite to eat couldn't hurt, could it?" She was probably being too nice, but she couldn't help but feel genuine concern for him. After all, despite all of her resistance, she really did care about him.

"I am starting to think that _you_ are the one who is out of sorts." He finally stood up and turned around to face her, one eyebrow raised in a clear show of skepticism. "You are _never_ this nice."

"Hey, is it so hard to believe that I'm capable of showing concern for a friend?" she asked defensively. "Maybe I'm just _worried_ about you." She probably shouldn't have said anything at all, but she hadn't been able to resist her natural instinct of attempting to guilt trip him.

As expected, he stared at her incredulously. "You're _worried_ about me?"

Well, there was no going back, so she went with her next best option and forged ahead. "Why wouldn't I be worried? You're acting like some melancholy teenaged girl, skipping meals and sitting alone in the dark like this. If you're _trying_ to give me an ulcer, then congratulations- it's working. I mean, I didn't slave away in front of a stove all day just to hafta go looking for you _on my aching feet_, only to get some lame 'I'm not hungry' response." She crossed her arms and let out a purposely pathetic-sounding sniff. "I suppose I could just throw out your portion... It's not like you'd appreciate it anyway."

"Alright," Shifu finally sighed. "I will eat dinner, if it really means that much to you." He'd managed to sound as though he was trying to pacify her while at the same time further embarrassing her- he was getting _good_.

"Don't bother." She wasn't going to go down without a fight, though. "You don't need to do _me_ any favors."

"No, really. I will eat." He paused for a moment, then said, "I am sure that whatever you have made will be delicious. As it always is."

Lin tried to figure out what in the statement was intended to be a subtle insult, but she couldn't figure it out. It actually seemed to be a sincere compliment, but that couldn't be right- and he was too good at sarcasm to make a sarcastic comment without it _sounding_ like one. "I, uh..." She wasn't sure what to say back. "...Yeesh, there really _is_ something wrong, isn't there?" she concluded.

"I am _fine_," he insisted, sounding briefly annoyed. "You were right, when you said that I have been thinking too much and not acting enough."

"I was?" If she wasn't worried about him before, she definitely was now; he _never_ admitted that she was right (although she always was). "I... You... Is there something you wanna tell me?"

"Yes," he replied with complete sincerity.

"You're not... Contemplating suicide or anything, are you?"

"What- _no!_" he snapped, which was something of a relief- it was at least more along the lines of what she would expect from him. "I am _not_ depressed or- or _suicidal_. I am simply trying to _tell you_ something! Something that you have been _too dense_ to pick up on!"

"Me? Dense?" she scoffed. "Look who's talking!" She couldn't believe that _he_ was calling _her_ dense, when his head was so thick that she was surprised he could even lift it. "_You're_ practically a walking tree stump!"

"_This_ is why I have not been able to talk to you lately!" he exclaimed angrily. "All you ever do is start fights! Sometimes I think you aren't happy unless someone wants to wring your neck!"

"Didya ever stop to think that I don't go around _looking_ to start fights with you, it's just that you're a _gigantic ass?_" she shot back.

"And _you_ are a relentless harpy!"

"And you're a stuck up, preachy idiot!"

"It is better than being a temperamental, stubborn know-it-all!"

"Get bent!" she snapped, then whirled around to storm off, but only succeeded in embarrassing herself by tripping over her own feet and falling over backwards.

And, of course, the moment was made all the more embarrassing by Shifu darting forward to catch her, as he always did. It was easy for him, too; all he did was grab her hand and pull her back to her feet before she had even touched the ground.

Then, as usual, she over-balanced and fell into him, and he had to wrap an arm around her to keep her from falling again; she wondered if she would ever get a break, or if she was simply destined to embarrass herself in front of him in such a way until the end of time. To make matters even worse, her heart was racing from being so close to him; just knowing that she was capable of having such a saccharine reaction made her sick to her stomach. "Well, now I just feel ridiculous."

"You _are_ ridiculous," he replied, though he didn't sound angry anymore; in fact, he sounded amused. "I suppose you are upset now that your big moment was ruined."

She couldn't help but blush at that; it was true, but she didn't want to admit it out loud. Of course, her silence only made it all the more obvious that he had hit the nail on the head.

He let out a snort, paused for a moment, then burst out into full-on laughter at her.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled, even though she liked his laugh and the way she could feel his chest rumbling under her hands as she got ready to push him away. She liked it so much, in fact, that she hesitated, even though she knew that she was probably giving herself away with such an action.

His laughter faded at her touch, his eyes widening in surprise as he probably came to some typically male conclusions.

She supposed she would need to do some damage control, and made a show of rolling her eyes at him. "Don't flatter yourself, old man," she huffed, then attempted to push herself away from him; he had probably been too busy laughing at her misfortune to realize that he was still holding her. However, when she tried to step away, he didn't let go of her.

Instead, he kissed her.

* * *

A/N: OH _SNAP, _GINA_._

I don't really have anything else to say on this chapter. Coming up next: the consequences.


	28. Kiss the Cook

A/N: I hope you've all been dying to find out what happens next, because I've been dying to post it. As always, thanks to all your readers and reviewers out there! Now, let's cut the chit chat and get on to the juicy stuff.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is the property of Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 28: Kiss the Cook

* * *

Shifu admitted that, in hindsight, it would have perhaps been best to give some kind of warning before going in for a kiss on a much younger employee. And, as he sat in his room, nursing his wounded crotch, he would be the first to admit that perhaps he could be just a bit too forceful in matters of the heart. And, perhaps, he was no longer quite as charming as he used to be. Oh, who was he kidding? He'd never been charming in his life.

Still, that was absolutely no reason for Lin to knee him right in the baby-makers. While he hadn't expected a positive response from her in regards to the kiss, he also hadn't expected to need a cool compress for his nether regions afterwards. A punch in the gut, maybe; a slap in the face, definitely; but not _this_.

He winced as he once more relived the horrific events that had reduced him to such a pathetic state. He'd known the moment he'd kissed Lin that it was a bad idea, and not just because it had been a bad idea to begin with, either. He'd been able to tell from the way she'd stiffened in his arms and let out a surprised grunt that he would soon regret being so forward- and that was when he had felt the pain radiate from his crotch throughout his entire body. As he'd tried desperately to catch his breath, he watched her lower her knee, step away from him, and press her hand to her lips (presumably in shock).

Then she had said, "Whoops."

He'd wanted to shout, "Whoops! Is that all you can say, _whoops!_" but he'd still had the wind knocked out of him, so all he could do was glare.

She'd seemed to get the idea, though, and actually looked guilty. However, any small amount of forgiveness that guilt might have earned her was then erased by the double-edged apology she'd stuttered out. "I- uh- shit! Sorry! I didn't mean- but what'd you _think_ was gonna happen, you moron?"

He'd managed to finally suck in a deep breath at that point, and wheezed out, "I _despise_ you." He would have very much liked for her to simply _leave_ at that point, but that was just not the way his life worked.

Instead she'd insisted on grabbing his arm and helping him back to the barracks, all the while alternating between, "No, really, I'm sorry!" and, "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" By the time she had dragged him to the kitchen for a cool compress, she'd been leaning toward the latter sentiment- and so his medical care consisted mainly of her saying, "Here," and tossing a wet cloth at him.

And worst of all, he'd let her get away with it, because he had been far too humiliated to even argue with her. All he'd wanted to do was get away from her so he could nurse his wounds, both physical and egotistical, in private. Nothing really rounded out a truly horrible day like sitting alone in his room with a cold, wet crotch.

But apparently the cosmos was not done with him yet; without so much as a knock Lin slid open his door, a tray of tea in her hands. Well, she didn't so much as slide it open as attempt to, only to get it stuck on its track, then kick it while swearing under her breath until the opening was large enough for her to sidle through.

"Get away from me," he warned; he was battered and bruised enough without having to endure even more psychological trauma from that certifiable psychopath.

"Shut up," she replied and set the tray down in front of him, then returned to the door and yanked it closed with far more force than was necessary.

"I will have you know that if this comes to blows I will not hold back," he informed her stiffly, trying staunchly to ignore the heavenly scent of what was most certainly chamomile wafting from the teapot.

"How're your nads?" she asked, ever her tactful, well-spoken self.

"Just wonderful," he grumbled. "I had been meaning to redecorate down there."

She blushed a bit, and he hoped it was out of shame. "Look, I didn't mean to... Y'know. And I didn't mean to be so harsh, either, it's just that I'm kinda embarrassed, is all."

"Certainly," he agreed with false amicability, "I would not want _you_ to be embarrassed by all this."

She glared at him a moment, then finally took a step away from the door. "You mind if I siddown?" she asked, to his utter horror.

"Actually, if you could leave me to grieve the loss of my dignity in peace, that would be wonderful." He then swallowed his pride and poured himself some tea, because if there was ever a time for a soothing cup of herbal tea, this was it.

"No," Lin answered, predictably enough, and sat down right next to him.

He resisted the urge to instinctively cover his vitals. "Thank you for respecting my wishes." The tea was good, at least; he could take solace in that one small pinpoint of light in his otherwise dark situation.

"Your nads are really okay, though, right?" she suddenly burst out. "I mean, if there's any undue pain or swelling, they coulda twisted, which cuts off the circulation, and then if you don't twist 'em back they'll die."

He wished that _he_ could die, right at that very moment. "I am fairly sure that my genitals are not dying, thank you," he managed to work out around a mouthful of utter shame.

"Okay, but if they start turning purple or something-"

"You will be the first to know, I assure you."

"Okay," she agreed, then lunged forward for the teapot as if it contained her life's blood. "Look, I uhm... I wanted to, y'know, talk." She poured herself a cup and drank half of it in one swig, clearly uncomfortable.

"What is there to talk about?" Shifu was not about to take pity on her after what she had done to him, though. "You kneed me between the legs. I think it would be safe to assume that that was a 'no.'"

"Sorry," she sighed, and took another sip from her tea. "But what'd you _expect _me to do, let out a girlish sigh and ask you to take me right there on the floor?"

He took a moment to wistfully imagine such a scene. "That would have been nice."

Predictably enough, she smacked him in the back of the head for his response. "You're an ass!"

"That is fine with me, as long as you do not hit below the belt again," he muttered, rubbing at the spot she'd hit. He had a feeling that he was in for an extremely uncomfortable conversation, so he might as well not pull any punches.

"Look, I just... It was a gut reaction. I _am_ sorry, really." She looked everywhere but at him as she spoke, then settled on a spot in the room that happened to be in the exact opposite direction as him. "I'm not so good at this stuff," she admitted quietly.

"Really?" Shifu shot back sarcastically. "I never would have noticed."

After a moment's hesitation, she suddenly blurted out, "No one's ever kissed me before."

He blinked at the back of her head, completely caught off-guard. "Wh-what?" He leaned over to try to get a better look at her face, and realized that she was blushing more deeply than he'd ever seen. "You mean... That was-"

"The first one, yeah," she confirmed, crossing her arms as she continued to stubbornly avoid looking even in his general direction.

"Oh." He wasn't sure what to say on the subject; he would have never expected Lin to have so little experience in _anything_, but he supposed that it was not entirely outlandish. After all, she wasn't exactly the most congenial person in the world. "I, uhm... Did not know that."

"Yeah," she said again, her voice strained, then finally turned around and looked at him, the blush still quite prominent in her cheeks. "So are we good?"

"I- er- yes, okay," he stuttered out, trying not to concentrate on how becoming her flushed cheeks were; he had no clue what was wrong with him, that he was even still having such thoughts about her after what had happened.

"There's something else I should tell you," she mumbled, and for the first time in months she actually seemed shy, and there was a certain tone to her voice- it was almost _soft_.

"Yes?" he asked immediately, his heart palpitating in his chest at the thought that perhaps she might actually show a tiny iota of affection.

"I, uhm... Well, I mean, about the kiss- I just..." She trailed off, then cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Ah, hell," she grunted and punched him in the arm.

It wasn't exactly what he'd been hoping for, but... "I'll take it," he concluded. They lapsed into an awkward silence after that, as they had been doing quite a lot lately.

Surprisingly enough, Lin was the first to speak again. "Hey." Her blush brightened a bit. "You're not gonna kiss me again, are you?"

"No," he answered quickly, just to reassure her; the last thing he wanted to do when things between them seemed to be going relatively well was scare her off.

"Oh." She actually sounded disappointed, if he wasn't mistaken.

He debated a moment on whether he should say anything or not, then decided that if worse came to worse, he wasn't exactly using his genitals for anything, anyway. "If you would like me to kiss you again, all you need to do is ask." He flinched, waiting for a punch or a kick to come, but was mildly shocked to find that she didn't so much as flick his nose.

"Don't get too excited, old man," she huffed. "You wouldn't wanna hurt your lumbago."

He figured that was about as close to a "yes" as he was going to get and leaned in _very_ cautiously to give her a light peck on the lips. When it looked like he wasn't about to be flayed alive, he went in for another, longer kiss. He had to admit that when she wasn't busy kneeing him right between the legs, it was fairly apparent that Lin had absolutely no experience. Still, he doubted that he was much better, and it was heavenly all the same. He even tried to be somewhat romantic when he pulled back, and looked deep into her eyes.

And then she said, "Your head looks freakin' _huge_ from this close up."

"You are such a ruiner," he snapped, turning away from her; he should have known, though, that she was going to destroy any moment between them that could have been at least halfway decent.

"That's a new one," she replied, sounding amused. "But, y'know, that's what you get for trying to gaze soulfully into my eyes, you big fat man-wife."

"I will have you know that I find that term extremely offensive." Despite his annoyance, he still could not believe that she had actually _kissed him back_. He felt like he must be dreaming, or hallucinating- there was no way that this could all be real.

"Whatsamatter _now?_" Lin seemed to have picked up on his disbelief.

"I simply am having a difficult time accepting reality," he replied truthfully. "I am still waiting for you to tear me limb from limb."

"Yeah, it's... Unbelievable, alright." She suddenly sounded uncomfortable after his confession.

Shifu cursed to himself; he had said _something_ wrong, but he had no idea what- and he doubted he would be getting any clue from Lin. "So..." He needed to do some damage control if he was going to avoid another fight. Backpedaling was out of the question, since he wasn't sure what he would be correcting, so instead he decided to distract her by moving forward with the conversation. "What happens next?" It seemed a fitting enough question to ask; their entire relationship was basically in her hands.

She stared at him as if he had grown another head for a moment, then jumped to her feet. "Be right back, I gotta piss."

"Huh?" He would have said something slightly more intelligent, but she had fled the room so fast that he was speaking to thin air, anyway. "Well, that could have gone better," he grumbled to himself. Then again, it could have gone worse.

He didn't know what he'd done wrong, though. Perhaps he'd put too much pressure on her? Or maybe she had no feelings for him whatsoever, and had simply kissed him out of pure curiosity. After all, she couldn't seem to go five minutes without insulting him, so it _was_ rather difficult to believe that she would actually feel anything even remotely romantic toward him. Then again, he could never really tell with Lin. For all he knew she actually needed to use the bathroom, and that was all there was to it. He supposed he would just have to wait.

Assuming that she even came back at all.

* * *

Lin shut the door to her room, knowing full well what she was doing: she was hiding. After Shifu had kissed her (again) she had actually managed to come to her senses long enough to run for it. She didn't even know what she'd thought could happen, what she was even _doing_. She wasn't just setting herself up to be hurt, but Shifu as well, and everything about it was wrong. But she couldn't help herself. Because she was finally able to admit it to herself, finally able to acknowledge what had been gnawing away at her since that first seemingly innocent thought about his cute ass.

She loved him.

She loved him more than she'd ever thought herself capable of, more than she had ever believed was possible, more than she _wanted_ to believe was possible. She loved him so much that she _dreamed_ about him, so much that she _worried_ about him, so much that she even pictured them growing old together. She loved him so much that, for a brief moment, she'd actually _seriously_ considered staying in the Valley of Peace. Staying with him.

She felt the urge to scream overtake her, but she knew that she couldn't let it out and instead grunted in her frustration. She didn't even _believe_ in love, not romantic love, anyway. How could she be experiencing something she didn't believe in, something she hadn't believed in since she was a little girl? She hadn't believed in love since she was seven years old, since she had watched as her sister, still a child herself, had been dragged off screaming and crying to marry a man four times her age.

And yet she had fallen in love with a man she'd only known for a scant few months. She was kidding herself when she'd kissed him back, she'd been kidding herself from the moment he'd first kissed her. There was no way she'd be able to stay in the valley, in China even. And if she could, she wasn't entirely sure if she'd even want to. She couldn't throw away her entire life's ambition, all her dreams and goals, because one man had kissed her. There was just no way.

Besides all that, he didn't love her. As painful as it was to admit to herself, she knew that there was no way it could possibly be true. He had kissed her because she was there, because he was lonely, and because they were friends. But not because there was anything more between them than that. She knew, because of who she was, and what her life had always been like. She knew because she wasn't the kind of person others could find room in their hearts for. And she knew because it was fate. Because it simply was, had always been, would always be. She was meant to be alone. It was the one thing she had been sure of in her life.

Yet it was no longer what she wanted. And all because of one horrible, inexperienced, clumsy kiss. If there was ever a time in the past eight years when she'd wanted to break her vow and cry, this was it. She wouldn't though; she wasn't even sure if she _could_, anymore. But even if she were capable of shedding tears, there was no point. What was the point in crying at life? That had been the thought that had crossed her mind when she'd first decided to stop being a crybaby, and it still held true. She already knew that sometimes in life difficult choices had to be made, that she couldn't have it both ways; and she had made her decision, long before she'd ever even met Shifu.

Sure, there had been a time in her life when she could have been ecstatic over such circumstances. She had once dreamed of falling in love, like most young girls tended to do. She'd read fairy tales and imagined that some day when she was "grown up" she would live "happily ever after," with a husband and a horde of children and all of those other horribly cliched things. And as she'd aged she had realized first that there was no such thing as grown up- because that would imply that there was no more growing to do, no more learning, and that everything was figured out and settled- and soon after had realized that neither was there such a thing as happily ever after. And if happily ever after _was_ a husband and children and a life lived simply to please others, that wasn't what she wanted. There were more important things out there for her to dedicate her life to, things that could change the world, things that actually _mattered_ in the long run.

That was why she needed to leave- because if she stayed she _would_ become a housewife. It was beginning to happen already; she cooked, she cleaned, she nagged Shifu and took care of Tai Lung, she'd even attempted to _sew_ once, when Tai Lung ripped the knee of his pants. She had always hated sewing, and she'd never been any good at it, either. But she'd still tried.

Most importantly, if she stayed she'd be throwing away the life she had worked so hard for. She'd be throwing away a life that she had fought _tooth and nail_ for, one that she had torn herself down and built herself anew for, and she wasn't about to give it all up to spend the rest of her days cooking for some fat doofus who didn't even love her back!

She took a deep breath when she realized that she was whipping herself into a frenzy. There was nothing to get worked up about. She had fallen in love, yes, but that was no big deal. Even love faded, with time. Once she left the Valley of Peace, everything would be back to normal and her feelings would drift away into distant nostalgia, just like they always had. She would be fine.

The only problem was that she still needed to tell Shifu that. She'd run out so suddenly that he was probably confused as all hell and had no idea what was going on. Not that he ever did to begin with, but still. She needed to go back and tell him straight to his face that nothing was ever going to happen between them, that the kiss was just... A fluke. Besides, she was being a coward by just running off, and she owed him better than that.

She stood up and headed back down the hall, wondering how exactly she would let him down; it would have to be gentle, of course. As crass as she was, even she knew when to exercise some tact. Still, even as she kicked his door open (the stupid thing kept sticking) she had no idea what to say.

"Ah, you're back," he greeted, and he was still sitting there on his bedroll with that wet cloth in his lap, the idiot.

"Yep," she agreed, and sat down next to him. "So..."

He seemed distinctly uncomfortable; he had probably sat there stewing the entire time she'd been gone, over-analysing absolutely every moment of their interaction as he tried to figure out why she had run out of the room. "Would you like to start, erm... Where we left off?"

"Yeah, about that," she started, figuring her best option was to just get it over with. However, she still had no clue of what to tell him. She tried to say something kind and reasonable, but when she opened her mouth she somehow managed to blurt out, "You're too old for me."

Shifu stared at her, apparently taken aback by the outburst. "I'm too _old_ for you?" he repeated incredulously. Then, finally, he snapped. "What do you mean '_too old?'_ I am thirty-seven, not one-hundred and seven!"

"Oh, calm down," she huffed, though she did sort of feel bad.

"I thought you were joking all those times you called me a geezer! Is that what you actually think of me?" He was overreacting, but she could understand why he'd be so on edge after she beaned him in... Well, in the beans.

"I'm sorry," she amended, "that came out wrong. I don't see you as an old geezer, really."

He continued to glare at her a moment before his expression softened. "Well... How old are _you?_" He sounded pretty nervous, and for a moment she considered simply telling him to put his mind at ease, but she wasn't in the best of moods and she needed some cheering up.

"Huh... Well, I'm not _that_ young." She paused, just to keep him in suspense, and also to try to judge what was both believable and heart attack inducing. Finally, she settled on a number. "Sixteen."

"_Oh gods no!_" he exclaimed immediately and flung his hand up to clutch at his chest, his right eye twitching. All in all his reaction wasn't anything she hadn't expected.

She decided to throw him a bone and end the charade before he collapsed. "Just kidding."

He blinked a few times and slowly lowered his hand back down to his side. "You... Were just kidding?" He sounded unusually calm about the little joke.

"Yeah."

"_Are you insane!_" he suddenly burst out, his eye twitching again. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"And _you_ actually believed that I'm sixteen," she replied smugly, and couldn't help but primp herself a little. "Thank you."

"How old are you?" he snapped. "And do _not_ think you can trick me again."

"Okay, okay," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Though I don't see how it matters."

He simply raised an eyebrow at her.

She snorted a bit in amusement at him, then finally answered. "Twenty-two."

"Ha!" he shouted, pointing accusingly at her.

"Um, what?"

"I am not falling for that! I can tell when you're lying! Alright, now tell me the _truth_."

She leveled a flat glare at him. "Twenty-two."

He stared back at her a moment before he seemed to realize that she was telling the truth and a sheepish blush began to form on his cheeks. "...Oh. Wow. You look very, uhm, young and vibrant... For your age. You know. Very, uhm, vivacious."

She just glared at him and slowly crossed her arms. "Smooth."

"Have I ever told you how much I also admire your intelligent, earthy wisdom, and rapier wit?" he added quickly.

She hesitated a moment, ruminating on the obvious flattery he was trying to use on her. She supposed it would do. "Better." She'd hoped that her joke would lighten the mood, but no such luck.

They lapsed into awkward silence, as they often tended to do, before Shifu cleared his throat. "You are... Somewhat younger than I had expected," he admitted sheepishly.

"Well there's fifteen years between us, that ain't so bad," she comforted, and considered for a moment how strange it was that if she had gotten married her husband would have been Shifu's age. "Although it _does_ sound kinda pervy when you thinka the fact that Tai Lung and I are also fifteen years apart."

"Thank you for making me feel like a perverted old man," he grumbled sarcastically, glancing grudgingly down at his bruised crotch.

"Oh, here," she huffed, rolling her eyes at the look of absolute shock on his face when she reached into his lap and took the wet compress. "You're not supposed to leave that on for more 'an twenty minutes," she clarified, folding the cloth up and dropping it on the tea tray. "Anyway, you're not actually too old for me, that just... Came out."

"Then what is the problem?" he asked, quickly recovering from his shock at her hand in his lap.

"The problem is... It's..." She trailed off, not sure of what to say. She _should_ tell him the truth, that she was leaving and it just wasn't worth the trouble and the heartache, but she didn't want to. And she still couldn't get over the fact that part of her, a very large part, didn't want to leave at all. "I don't wanna waste my time." But she couldn't gamble her entire future on a kiss.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He sounded offended, but that was nothing new for him.

"It means that... That..." She would tell him the truth, just not the whole truth. "I know why you kissed me."

He looked confused, also a regular thing for him. "...And?"

"And I understand. You're lonely, you're frustrated, we spend a lotta time together and I just happen to have a vagina. Those things don't result in an actual relationship, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, I _liked_ kissing you, but it doesn't equal happily ever after. And even if we did end up trying for anything... More substantial... It wouldn't work out." She tried to sound glib through her whole speech, but she couldn't keep the disappointment from entering her voice at the final words. "So what's the point?"

He actually took her by surprise by getting angry at her. "That is what you think? You think I just kissed you because- because you were _there?_ That I am just _desperate?_"

"Well why else wouldya do it?" she shot back. She expected that one to shut him up, but he was still outraged.

"_Because_," he snapped, "I- I- _You-_" Then he finally clammed up, as she'd predicted.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she replied as flippantly as she could, then got up and grabbed the tea tray. "Get some rest and lemme know if you need anything else." She left while he continued to flounder, because she didn't want to hear the inevitably offensive excuse he was probably trying to think up.

It was all for the best, anyway. If she actually did attempt to have any sort of romantic relationship with him, on top of the whole thing being a huge disaster it would only result in her getting even more attached. And that would just make it all the more difficult for her to leave.

Still, she couldn't help but feel depressed. She actually _wanted_ to be with Shifu. She didn't want to want to be with him, but those were the breaks. And she had enjoyed kissing him a lot more than she would ever admit aloud, which she knew was going to make her life miserable, because from now on whenever she looked at him she would end up thinking about kissing him.

Maybe she was making a mistake by completely blowing him off. Maybe he really did care about her, maybe, even if it was only for a couple of weeks, she had a chance at something... Well, something _good_. That was just wishful thinking, though, and she had enough sense to realize as much. She would just have to forge through the rest of her time at the Jade Palace by maintaining a civil, _platonic_ relationship with Shifu. And, hopefully, she would be able to do so without hanging herself.

But not likely.

* * *

Shifu needed to talk to someone. He was not the kind of person who enjoyed talking about his feelings or his personal life, but every now and then the need for a conversation was roused in him, and on those rare occasions he always did the same thing. First, he sat and ruminated on whatever was bothering him in the hopes that he could resolve his issues on his own; then, he cursed- _a lot_; after that was done with, he searched the grounds for the one person he'd always been able to talk to, no matter what: Master Oogway.

He found his master in the Hall of Heroes; specifically, Oogway was in deep meditation, balancing atop his staff in front of the moon pool while the bank of candles surrounding the water bathed it in a soft, ethereal glow. This was usually the kind of deep meditation in which he received visions (none of which were ever _good_).

Shifu would have turned and left in favor of returning at a more opportune moment, but the old master sensed his presence (as always) and slowly climbed down from his perch atop the peach wood.

"Something is troubling you, old friend?" he asked, and began to blow out the surrounding candles one by one.

"Yes, Master." Shifu approached the moon pool and bowed, watching as Oogway carefully lowered his somewhat shaky head within inches of each candle before extinguishing the flame. "...Would you like some help?"

"No, no," he refused, laughter in his voice. "I can manage. Now, tell me about this trouble of yours. What has Lin done now to upset you?"

Shifu blushed in embarrassment at how utterly predictable his personal problems had become as of late, but reminded himself that even if he wasn't so predictable his master would most likely find some way to embarrass him, no matter how old he got. "She didn't do anything," he sighed. "Well, actually, that's not necessarily true. She kneed me in the crotch. But that is not what is bothering me."

"Really?" Oogway actually stopped blowing out candles and turned to stare at him, and for once in his long life he actually looked surprised. "If I were you, that would certainly bother me."

"It did at the time, but... Well, I kissed her," Shifu grumbled, the poor results still on his mind. "And _then_ she attempted to castrate me."

"Good!" he exclaimed, though Shifu didn't see what was so good about a knee to the groin. "It is about time you got off your duff and did something."

"I'm not done yet," he huffed, irritated; he could already see the direction their conversation was going to head in. "Anyway, she apologized. And then I kissed her again."

"Excellent!"

"_Not_ excellent," he corrected. "...Okay, it _was_ excellent, but that's not the point. I said or did _something_ wrong, because one minute she was kissing me back and the next she was saying I wasn't worth her time and that I was only interested in her because she was _there_. She even said I was desperate! Me!" He paused and tried to ignore his master's flat stare. "Alright, so maybe I _am_ a little desperate. That does _not_ mean I don't love her!" He realized as the words left his mouth that this was the first time he had actually said aloud, in no uncertain terms, that he loved Lin.

Master Oogway simply went back to blowing out candles, adopting a pensive expression. "I have one question for you," he finally said. "Did you tell that to Lin?"

"...What?"

"It is a simple question, Shifu. Did you _tell_ her that you love her?"

"But I _kissed_ her!" he pointed out, exasperated with the response. "Actions speak louder than words!"

"That is true, sometimes," Oogway agreed. "Some things are better left unsaid. And some things... Not so much." He once again paused in extinguishing the candles and his expression became distant, as if he were remembering some lost romance of his youth. "A kiss can mean a lot of different things, it can be quite ambiguous. Your feelings for her, they cannot remain ambiguous. Not if you ever want to get another kiss out of her, anyway." He shook his head and chuckled to himself, apparently done with his advice.

Shifu needed more than that, though. "But Master, how-"

"Do what I have been telling you to do from the start, and _tell her_," he interrupted, then went back to his task with the candles.

"But-"

"Tell her."

"I-"

"_Tell her_."

He glared at his master when he realized that the old turtle wasn't going to listen to anything more that he had to say. It was maddening, really- how was he supposed to just come out and tell Lin that he _loved_ her, when she wasn't even willing to give him a chance? When she didn't even believe that he _liked_ her? He couldn't just walk up to her and _say it_. He would only end up making a fool of himself and alienating her.

He watched Oogway blow out candles for a moment longer, then concentrated on gathering his chi and sent out a burst of air that extinguished the hundreds of little flames in mere moments. He knew it was a childish thing to do, but he didn't care. "So _there_," he snapped, then stormed out of the hall.

* * *

Lin grumbled sourly to herself as she climbed the peach tree of apparent heavenly wisdom and started picking the large, ripe fruit with much more force than necessary. She was having one of those moments when she hated _everything_. She hated the damn peach tree, she hated the stupid mountain the tree was growing on, and she hated the asinine valley that was home to the stupid mountain the tree was growing on. Most importantly, though, she absolutely _despised_ Shifu. As far as she was concerned, everything that had ever gone wrong in the history of the entire universe was _his_ fault.

The more she had thought about what had happened between them, the more angry she'd gotten, until she'd whipped herself up into her current frenzy. If he hadn't kissed her to begin with, she would have been able to actually enjoy her night, instead of laying awake in bed thinking about all the different ways she could _strangle_ him. And she would be able to enjoy her morning, as well, instead of quietly despising the world as she picked her daily ration of peaches.

The one thing that kept crossing her mind, over and over again, was: how _dare_ he kiss her? He _knew_ that she didn't even like to be touched, but he went ahead and did it, anyway. And then he'd gone and made her feel _guilty_, whining about his bruised balls, and he had tricked her- that was it, she'd been _coerced_- into letting him kiss her _again_. And she'd been so upset, thinking about how she wanted to stay in the valley and how she wanted Shifu to love her and _wah wah wah_. She could be such a whiney idiot, sometimes. But the important thing was that she had snapped out of it. Life was all about learning, and she had learned that other people were nothing more than one gigantic pain in the ass, _especially_ men.

And how could she have thought she was _in love?_ It was so laughable that she felt like smacking herself upside the head for thinking that for even a moment. There was no such thing as love! There were hormones and pheromones and synapses in her brain firing improperly, she was sure. And that was it! And anyone who thought otherwise was an idiot fallen prey to the propaganda of a patriarchal society seeking to create myths about love and romance in order to enslave women and distract the working class from _real_ problems.

_So there_.

She would have continued her inner rant if it weren't for Oogway's arrival to practice his morning tai chi underneath the peach tree. "G'morning," she managed to grumble out without sounding too angry.

"So word is that you blew it with Shifu," Oogway said in lieu of a greeting.

Lin couldn't keep her mouth from falling open a little at the statement. "Where'd you hear _that?_" She had a feeling that she already knew, though.

"Where else? From Shifu."

"He said that?" She was going to kill the idiot with her bare hands, and she would feel absolutely no remorse.

"No," Oogway reassured her, apparently sensing her rage. "He is under the impression that he is the one who blew it. But I know better."

"Well you're wrong," she snapped. "'Cause saying I blew it implies I wanted it in the first place, whatever 'it' is."

"Of course," he agreed calmly. "I had nearly forgotten that you do not believe in love, even when you are neck deep in it."

"That's 'cause I have common sense!" she pointed out, determined to defend her position. "How can I be in love with Shifu, when I only met him about three months ago? It's just infatuation. I mean, I never even loved my _parents_, let alone some big-headed ass. It's impossible!"

The old turtle just let out a benign chuckle in the face of her distress. "Nothing is impossible," he pointed out.

"Y'know, I'm starting to dislike you," she replied darkly. She didn't see why Oogway was even arguing with her to begin with- she was going to leave the valley soon, anyway. "I'm leaving," she reminded him. "You _know_ I'm leaving, so why are you pushing this issue? Do you _want_ to make me miserable?"

"Quite the opposite," he sighed, as if she were the one being difficult. "I simply would not want you to have any regrets." He turned and looked out over the valley, a smile slowly crossing his face. "I love this valley and its inhabitants, as I have from the moment I first settled here. And even though there are times when I must leave, that does not matter, because the people of the valley know that I care for them."

"That mushy crap ain't gonna work on me," she informed him, then took a bite out of one of the peaches she'd collected. "'Cause I know better." She had made up her mind, and she wasn't going to let anything or anyone- not even Oogway- instill any doubt in her.

He just stared back up at her for a moment, a somewhat sad expression on his face. "You are afraid," he finally said, as if it were obvious.

"Me? _Afraid?_" she scoffed; she had no idea what he was talking about. "Afraid of _what_, exactly?"

"Of getting hurt," he replied gently. "And of hurting the ones you love. And that will happen no matter what, I assure you. But if you run away in an attempt to avoid it, you will only end up missing out on the things in life that are truly fulfilling."

"I _am _fulfilled!" She paused after that outburst, a little shocked at herself; she'd never raised her voice to Oogway before, and he hadn't really done anything to warrant it. She shook it off, though. "Look, I got my own life to live. And whatever angle Shifu's trying to pull, I don't got time for it." With that, she climbed out of the peach tree, intent on walking away from the conversation.

"And what makes you so sure that Shifu has an angle?" he called after her.

She wasn't going to let him win, though. "'Cause everybody has an angle!"

"Then what is mine?"

That particular jab, though, was enough to stop Lin right at the top of the stairs. She turned around and raised her eyebrows at him, surprised that he would say such a thing, just to make a point.

"And what is _yours_, for that matter?" That was a good question, too.

"I dunno what yours is," she answered truthfully. "Maybe you're the exception to the rule. But I doubt it." She figured even someone like Oogway probably still had something to gain, even if he himself didn't realize it. That was just... Human nature. "As for me, mine is simple: to get some cash, and to get the hell outta here."

"So since your feelings for Shifu do not factor into that, you are simply going to ignore them?" he asked; he didn't sound accusing, just curious.

She wasn't in the mood to keep on playing his games or hearing his wisdom, though. "Yeah, I am," she answered shortly, then turned and left before he could suck her back into the conversation.

She had planned to make some rice porridge with peaches for breakfast, but upon reaching the kitchen she found that her chair at the table was simply too inviting to ignore. She was worn out, which she supposed wasn't too surprising; she'd had a lot to think about since Shifu had kissed her, and she had been alternating back and forth between angry and depressed all night; in fact, she was was starting to sink from anger back down into depression again. She figured that, given the circumstances, it would be alright to just sit down and rest for a moment. And if she closed her eyes, who could really blame her? She was just resting them...

Lin jumped at a hand on her shoulder, her eyes flying open as fear and adrenaline flooded her system. And then she looked up. "Oh, it's you."

Shifu didn't look particularly pleased to see her, either. To his credit, though, he mostly just looked nervous. "You were asleep," he pointed out.

"Yeah, I noticed." The last person she wanted to see on the planet was him, and the last thing she wanted to do was talk to him. "You can go now."

"I had hoped we could talk," he replied, ignoring her rude tone and sitting down next to her.

She didn't say anything back; everything she had wanted to say to him had been out of rage, and she realized that her anger at him was mostly misdirected. And before her temper had flared she'd worn herself out thinking of what to say to him when she next saw him, but nothing seemed right. She didn't want to talk, since she knew that the discussion could only end badly. She didn't want to hear him apologize for kissing her, that he hadn't really meant it after all, because even though she knew it was the truth a childish part of her she simply couldn't suppress still hoped that he had come to tell her he loved her, and she hated herself for it. So she just kept her mouth shut.

After the silence had stretched on to an extremely uncomfortable length, he finally spoke. "You look miserable," he commented.

That was something she at least knew how to answer. "That's 'cause I _am_ miserable." She simply wanted to pretend that nothing had ever happened and everything was back to normal, but she knew that he wasn't going to let that happen.

"Why?" he prodded, predictably. "I thought... Well, you... You seem to have feelings for me. Don't you?"

She once again remained silent, though she wanted to smack him upside the head for that one; he had a lot of nerve, asking her that.

"...You don't?" He didn't sound affronted, as she would have expected- just confused. "But you kissed me back. You _said_ you liked kissing me, so what did that mean if you don't have feelings for me?"

She wasn't ready to answer _any_ of his questions, or to even hear them. She just wanted to forget about breakfast altogether and go curl up in her nice warm bed. If she couldn't have him, then she at least wanted to have a pile of warm, soft blankets to comfort her. It didn't seem like too much to ask. "It's complicated," she settled on, then winced at how pathetically _sad_ she'd sounded.

"_Why_ is it complicated?" Of course, he couldn't take a hint and just leave her alone. "I just want to know what's bothering you."

"That's sweet," she observed, and it was true; he was being sweet, in a way. He was concerned for her, after all. "But I just... I just wanna lie down. A lot happened yesterday... At least, it was a lot for me. I need some time."

"Time to think?" he asked.

"No." She was at least being honest with him. "I don't wanna think."

"Then... What do you need time for, exactly?"

"The real question here is: what _don't_ I need time for?" She stood to go, but stopped when he followed suit. "What I mean is, I need some time _alone_."

"I just think that we should talk," he insisted.

"I know," she grumbled. "That's why I'm outta here."

"I'm not desperate," he blurted out, before she had a chance to leave. "If I _were_, I could do a lot worse than you."

"_Thanks_," Lin spat back; she honestly didn't know why she even still listened to the ass. Everything that came out of his mouth only served to aggravate her even more.

"That is not what I meant," he quickly correctly, and actually stepped in front of the doorway to physically block her from leaving. "That came out wrong. What I _meant_ was that you are not someone who is only attractive due to desperation."

"I can't believe I was able to live with someone in possession of so much charm for this long," she grumbled sarcastically. "It's a wonder I have yet to be dazzled."

"Why is it that _you_ are allowed to have a difficult time with this sort of thing, yet _I_ am not?" he snapped, bristling at her jab. "What do you want from me? I can't always say the exact right thing at the exact right moment, but at least I am _trying_."

"I dunno _why_ you're bothering to try," she shot back, crossing her arms. "What is it that _you _want?"

He looked ready to tear his own plait out from frustration. "What do you _think_ I want?"

"I think we both know the answer to that," she snapped, fed up with his idiocy. She pushed past him while he was busy blushing and being cowed by her reply, and headed for her room.

It appeared that her room was the only place she was about to get any sort of peace, at least for the time being. She'd known, of course, that she would've had to face Shifu eventually one way or another, she just hadn't been ready quite yet.

Still, all things considered, it could have gone worse.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, but this issue is going to take more than one chapter to be resolved. Hopefully you all had a good laugh (mostly at Shifu's expense) in lieu of any sort of resolution. Also, I'm sure you all noticed the nod to the movie with that candle scene (which was another one of my favorites).

As for next chapter... The will they/won't they dynamic continues, and everyone is incredibly frustrated. As if you could expect any different from me.


	29. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

A/N: I'm gonna start this off with a warning: there's some harsh language in this chapter (as in f-bomb harsh). I don't think it's enough to warrant a rating change, but it is enough to warrant a heads up. Anyway, as you all can see I'm back down to two-week updates, but that is because of something good and exciting: I'm moving! Unfortunately, this means that I won't be moving at the blistering chapter-a-week pace I had going for a brief, shining moment.

There is one more thing I would like to address before the chapter starts: I know I mentioned a while back that I had estimated the fic at 32 chapters, but as it turns out I needed a little more room than that. Not much more, though. I don't think it'll be longer than 35, honest. Anyway, tally ho!

Disclaimer: Everything in the whole world belongs to Dreamworks. Except for what Time Warner owns... Which is ninety-nine percent of the world.

* * *

Chapter 29: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

* * *

"Master Shifu, can we go eat lunch yet?"

"That is '_may_ we go,' Tai Lung, and the answer is no." Shifu crossed his arms behind his back and shot a stern frown at his son, who was apparently too busy whining to continue his exercises in the gauntlet of wooden warriors. "How do you expect to master Tiger style if you do not practice, hmm?"

"Did you and Lin have another fight?" Tai Lung asked in return. "Is that what this is about?"

He had good reason to suspect as much; after Lin had stormed out on Shifu that morning, he'd been left to make breakfast, which of course had fallen somewhat short of the young snow leopard's standards. And now it was past noon, but the last place Shifu wanted to be was the kitchen. He thought perhaps if he kept training Tai Lung, it would provide ample excuse for at least putting off lunch. "I hardly think that is an appropriate question to ask your master," he warned; he wasn't going to make a habit of discussing his personal life with his seven-year-old- he'd sunk low enough as it was.

"I'll take that as a yes," Tai Lung grumbled under his breath.

Shifu would have reprimanded him if their conversation wasn't interrupted by the last person he wanted to see at the moment; he didn't appear to be having very good luck, though he was starting to think that when it came to romance, there was no such thing.

Lin burst through the doors, clearly agitated, and marched toward master and student with a purpose. "Go eat lunch, Tai Lung," she ordered, though her gaze was clearly fixed on Shifu- and that was _not_ a good sign.

Tai Lung glanced nervously as his master, then seemed to decide that it would be better to save himself than to try to be a hero and made a beeline for the door.

Shifu, meanwhile, stood his ground. Whether this was a wise decision was extremely doubtful, but he did it all the same. He and Tai Lung were at the most half an hour late for lunch- certainly not late enough to warrant such a display of aggression. And after the way she had treated him that morning, he was not about to let her walk all over him.

She didn't stop until she was a mere foot away from him, which was closer than he would have ever expected her to be to him voluntarily after yesterday. "The boy doesn't miss meals. _Ever_," she ground out. "Got it?"

"I think you are the one who needs to 'get it,'" he replied, matching her venomous tone of voice. "You do not dismiss _my_ student from his training, _ever_."

"Y'know, you're really starting to piss me off," she shot back.

"_Me?_" he asked incredulously, hardly able to believe his ears. "_You_ are the one who is acting completely unreasonable- as usual!"

"_I_ am just reacting to _your_ dumbassery!" she pointed out, despite "dumbassery" not even being a real word. "Where d'you get off suddenly acting like some kinda prepubescent kid, huh? What, you kiss me and I don't melt in your arms, so now you won't even let your son come eat lunch?"

"You said you needed time!" he snapped; he felt like he was being driven slowly insane. Everything he said and did seemed to somehow magically be the absolute worst thing possible in her eyes, no matter what, and he was getting just a little tired of it.

"That's no reason to starve your child!"

"You obviously are not even that angry about this," he shot back. "You are still angry about that kiss, but you won't admit it! You're just trying to find an excuse to shout at me!"

"Well it worked, didn't it?" She was absolutely seething at that point, most likely because he had figured out precisely what she was trying to do.

Shifu couldn't deny that he was just as enraged; _she_ was the one who had hit him, _she_ was the one who had led him on, _she_ was the one who'd had the nerve to suggest that his intentions were less than pure- and apparently everything was _his_ fault. "I never should have kissed you! I never should have even _hired_ you! You are nothing but trouble, and every moment I spend in your company is agonizing torture!"

She blinked back at him, as if she couldn't think of a comeback, which was rather unusual to say the least. She recovered quickly, though. "You're no prize yourself, y'know! You're so uptight that I wouldn't even say you got a stick up your ass- 'cause if you did, it'd probably break! And all you care about is kung fu-"

"Not this again!" he interrupted, throwing his hands up in his frustration. "I am a master of kung fu, I am the Master of the Jade Palace- _of course_ I care about kung fu!"

Lin began pacing, clearly too worked up to remain still any longer. "You don't get it, do you? In fact, the only thing you _do_ get is kung fu! When you got a problem, when you don't wanna _own up_ to something, you just hide here in your stupid training hall and push Tai Lung-"

"Oh, so you're dragging my son into this, now?" Sometimes, no matter how much he'd seen from her already, he still could not believe her gall.

"Well it's kinda hard not to! You try to control him just like you try to control everything and everyone else in your life!"

"Name an example!" he challenged.

"Here's a good one: the kid is killing himself trying to become some Dragon Warrior, just to please you! And _you_ act like the only way he can get any approval outta you is through kung fu! Sometimes I think you don't even care what he does outside this damn obstacle course!"

"Of course I care!"

"You didn't even know that he likes gardening until I toldya! You don't even know that he loves to read, or that he remembers his dreams every single night, or that his favorite color is yellow! You don't _care!_"

"This is _not_ an argument about Tai Lung!"

"You're right! It's about _you_- and y'know what?" Lin stopped pacing and jabbed an accusing finger in his direction. "I think that the only reason you want Tai Lung to become the Dragon Warrior so much is because _you_ wanna be the Dragon Warrior!"

"That was a long time ago," he blurted out, regrettably.

"I knew it!" She put both hands to her forehead and resumed her pacing. "Y'know what else? I hope that stupid scroll is _blank_. I hope it's just a big freakin' joke! And I hope you live to see it, too!"

"It is _not_ just a stupid scroll!" His voice was starting to get hoarse, but he kept right on shouting, anyway. He didn't care if he couldn't talk for a week after this, as long as he won the fight. "It is a representation of everything that kung fu is about, all of its virtues- and everything I stand for- not that you would be able to comprehend that!"

"As if I would want to! The outdated 'virtues' you live by are just arbitrary rules created to _control_ people- what a surprise! And you act like _everyone_ should live the exact same life that you do, that everyone should _want_ that, like the way you live is something special!"

"Well _you_ would certainly benefit from it!"

"Don't make me vomit! If I lived the kind of life you seem to think I should, my grandmother would roll over in her grave! Y'know, she warned me about jackasses like you, but like an idiot, I didn't listen!"

"_I_ am not the problem here!" he snapped. "_You_ are the problem! You are combative _all of the time_- you have no off-switch! It's a wonder that I've been able to make it _three months_ living with you, forget about your poor grandmother! In fact, I am willing to bet that your grandmother probably _died_ to get away from _you!_" He realized immediately after he spoke that he had crossed the line; after all, Lin spoke about her grandmother the way other people spoke of their mothers- it was obvious that they had been close. He imagined that saying such a thing to her would be the equivalent of her saying something like that about Master Oogway. He knew there was no way to amend what he'd said, so he just waited for her to start verbally bashing him.

However, she just stared back at him in shock; after a little while she seemed to snap out of it, but she didn't shout at him like he'd expected. Instead, she reached out and pushed him. She actually _pushed_ him, and then she pointed a finger at him, as if she were going to call him an ass again. "Fuck you."

Shifu felt his mouth drop open; Lin was vulgar, but the simple statement was nothing like her usual cursing. He wasn't sure what to say back. "...What did you just say to me?"

"I _said_-" she jabbed her finger toward him for emphasis- "Go _fuck_ yourself." Then she just turned and walked away, obviously upset.

"Wait!" He didn't know why he thought that would work, but it didn't. Despite how she'd been treating him lately, he still felt bad for what he'd said, especially upon seeing how it had affected her. He would have followed her, but he had a feeling that if he didn't give her some time to cool down he'd be tasting his privates for weeks. Instead he waited until he thought she was a safe distance away, then exited the training hall with the intention of going up to the peach tree to think.

Of course, there was just one thing that stopped him; as he walked out onto the wooden porch and into the dull grey light of an overcast afternoon, Tai Lung sidled into view.

He clasped his hands nervously in front of him. "Master, do you mind if I ask you a, uh... Personal question?" He shuffled his feet, his eyes growing wide and watery.

Shifu blinked back at him, stunned; he was basically admitting to having eavesdropped. "You _do_ realize that you will be doing laps until you wear a path into the mountain." Still, he supposed his day couldn't get much worse. "Alright. Ask away."

Tai Lung nodded, but then hesitated. "This might seem out of line..."

"Go on," he prompted. "I'm sure I have already said worse..."

"Yeah, I saw Lin push you." Tai Lung paused and blinked up at him with wide eyes, apparently worried about his punishment becoming even worse. "I wasn't eavesdropping, though."

"I already have surmised that much," Shifu assured him.

"Okay then." He took a deep breath, then blurted out, "Did you _really_ kiss Lin?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." It was bad enough having to _think_ about it. "It does not matter, anyway. All I did was make things worse."

Tai Lung furrowed his brow, as if he sincerely thought he could come up with a solution to Shifu's predicament. "...Maybe you should do the dishes for a... Well, forever. And apologize," he suggested. "How's she gonna know you're sorry if you don't say anything?"

"I don't know if she would want to hear it." He couldn't believe that his seven-year-old son was trying to give him advice about life. Moreover, he couldn't believe that it was actually _good_ advice. It made Shifu feel pretty pathetic.

"It doesn't matter, she'll forgive you." Tai Lung then leaned in close and lowered his voice. "I know a secret," he informed Shifu in a child-like way that was actually befitting of his age, for once.

"What?" He _was_ curious, since they were on the subject of Lin.

"You gotta promise you'll never tell anyone you heard this from me."

"I promise."

He looked around, as if they were going to be interrupted at any moment, then leaned in close and whispered, "She likes you."

"..._What?_" Shifu wasn't sure he understood what Tai Lung was trying to say.

"Lin. She has a _huge_ crush on you."

Shifu felt his eyebrows shoot up in absolute disbelief; there was just no way it could be true. She _had_ kissed him back, but everything that had preceded and followed the incident had suggested otherwise. "I don't think that is... Correct."

"No, no!" he protested, raising his voice. "I _know_ this, for a _fact_. We talked about it."

"You did?" He felt his heart inexplicably palpitate in his chest. After the past day he really should _not_ care, but somehow he still did. He supposed that was unconditional love. That and a product of prolonged emotional abuse.

Tai Lung nodded vigorously, a smile growing on his face. "Yeah! And you like her, too, right? So if you go apologize to her and then tell her you like her-"

"No," Shifu cut him off. "I think you have been spending a little too much time daydreaming. Nothing of that sort is going to happen between Lin and myself, and that is that."

"Okay," Tai Lung sighed, as if he didn't believe a single word that had come out of Shifu's mouth. "But since she likes you so much, she'll forgive you. As long as you go say you're sorry."

"Right," he grumbled; somehow he doubted that things would be so simple. "Go get some lunch."

"Are you _crazy?_ I'm not going anywhere _near_ the kitchen, not when Lin's in such a horrible mood. She'll kill me! And I'm not even the one she's mad at!"

Shifu just gave him a flat glare for that one.

"Oh. Right. Sorry." He gave a quick bow and turned to head back to the barracks. "I guess I'll go... Eat lunch. Hopefully."

Shifu watched him go; no matter how upset Lin was, he doubted that she would take her feelings out on Tai Lung. Still, he didn't envy the boy. He doubted there was much he could do, either- not after what he had just said to Lin. He'd never thought when Master Oogway had hired a cook that he would be missing so many meals. It sort of begged the question of why he even paid her to begin with.

* * *

Shifu took a deep breath, and tried to concentrate on anything but his hunger; he had missed out on lunch and dinner, and the only thing he could think of to get his growling stomach under control was meditation. He had heard stories of spiritual masters surviving for months at a time without sustenance because of the deep meditative states they had entered- needless to say, he was not one of them. Still, it was worth a try. So, he'd sat in his room through dinner and into the night, attempting to attain inner peace.

He hadn't been too fond of the idea of avoiding Lin all day long- he'd wanted to apologize, fight again, apologize again, let her verbally bash him, complement her cooking and get it over with already- but when he'd tried to talk to her, he hadn't even been able to get into the kitchen before pretty much every utensil imaginable had been thrown in his direction. And that included knives, too. He reached up and rubbed at a sore spot on his head, where her wooden spoon had connected- he still didn't see what she had against kung fu. She would have been excellent with long-range weapons.

His stomach let out another low rumble, churning painfully; despite the inevitable volley of cooking utensils, he was going to have to talk to Lin sooner or later. Especially if he ever wanted to eat again. He supposed it would be better to apologize sooner and endure her rage, because he had a feeling that if he waited much longer it would fester and boil until eventually she just stabbed him to death in his sleep. At least, that was the impression he'd gotten from her behavior.

As he headed down to the kitchen, he took a moment to contemplate how incredibly complicated this one woman had made his life. Even before he had realized his love for her, she had made his life difficult- and he was starting to think of that time as "the good old days." The woman was a walking mood swing with fur. She kneed him in the crotch for kissing her, then she made him tea and kissed him back. Then she _rejected_ him, except she was not entirely sure about her decision. She needed her space, but she flew off the handle when he stayed away from her. And apparently she actually had feelings for him- he couldn't even begin to imagine how she treated the people she didn't like.

He reached the kitchen, steeled himself for the worst, and stepped through the door- only to find it completely empty. He decided that he could not leave the matter unresolved, though, and that he would have to go search for Lin. Well, actually, first he ran to the cabinets and devoured an entire bag of almonds and two apples. _Then_ he decided to look for Lin.

His first instinct was to check her room, but he could see from the hallway that there weren't any lanterns or candles lit in there, and he doubted she would appreciate being woken if she were in there sleeping. He also sincerely doubted that she was sleeping. He was stumped at first- she was rarely outside of the barracks, except to shop or to talk to someone. He had found her in the hall of heroes in the past, though he had no idea what she would be doing there in the middle of the night. And there was one other place... He headed out, certain that he had figured out where she'd gone to.

And sure enough, he was right. He found Lin up at the peach tree, though she was paying more attention to the edge of the drop-off than the actual tree; upon closer inspection, Shifu saw that she was spitting off the edge, something he would expect a child Tai Lung's age to do to amuse himself. He kept himself from rolling his eyes, and cleared his throat to announce his presence.

She ignored him, of course.

"Hi," he greeted, hoping to get a response.

Lin grunted and headed toward the peach tree, then sat down, leaning back against the trunk. Overall, the response was much less hostile than he'd expected, which was good.

Still, the grunting irritated him. "Some actual words would be nice," he grumbled.

"_Sorry_," she replied pointedly.

"I get it." He tried his best not to sound annoyed; she'd only get more defensive. "I... I was wrong. I should not have said what I said." He took a chance and sat down next to her. "I deserved the shove," he admitted, relieved that she hadn't tried to walk away from him.

"Yeah," she agreed. "You did." She glanced sideways at him, her expression unreadable. "Y'know, I can take a lotta things... But even _I_ draw the line somewhere."

"I know," he replied, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry."

"You should be," she huffed, crossing her arms.

He watched her sulk for a moment, pleasantly surprised by how mellow she seemed; perhaps Master Oogway had spoken to her. Or maybe she actually realized that acting insane wasn't getting her anywhere. As mellow as she was, though, she still didn't seem to forgive him; he did have an idea, though. "You are a beautiful, confident woman and I respect you. Very much."

She actually seemed amused by that, and even blushed a little. "...Fine," she concluded. "I guess I can get over it. You should know, though, that the only reason I'm going easy on you is 'cause of Tai Lung."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He said, 'everyone says dumb stuff they don't mean.' And he had a point."

If the decision were up to him, Shifu would have given Tai Lung the Dragon Scroll right then and there just for that. "He is very wise for his age."

"Yeah, no thanks to you," she pointed out. "...And I guess people _do_ dumb stuff they don't mean, too."

"Like what?" he prodded, wondering exactly where that statement was leading.

It actually led someplace quite unexpected. "I'm sorry, too." She patted him on the shoulder, then let her hand drop to the ground, next to his. "I feel kinda bad for abusing you like an unwanted stepchild."

"That's a terrible thing to say." He glanced down at her hand, wondering if what Tai Lung had told him was really true. Maybe she was going to place her hand on top of his, or something of that nature.

"Everything that comes outta my mouth is a terrible thing to say," she pointed out, laughing a little.

"True," he agreed, and decided to just get it over with and grab her hand; her palm and finger pads were rough and calloused and her hand itself was larger than his, but there was something in the gentle curl of her fingers and her soft fur that reminded him she did indeed have a feminine side. He held his breath, waiting for her to laugh at him or hit him.

She didn't react at all. "I admit, I was kinda mean to you. I can be moody." She didn't seem to notice that he was holding her hand at all, and she just sat there, her expression completely deadpan.

It was frustrating, to say the least. "You _can_ be moody," he agreed. "But... It's fine. I like you the way you are."

Lin snorted, then, to his utter chagrin, started laughing. She wasn't just laughing a little bit, either; she was laughing so hard that she was wheezing. She pulled her hand away from his and reached up to wipe away a tear that had formed in the corner of her eye.

"Are you okay?" He wasn't sure if he should be insulted or flattered.

"H-hold on," she gasped, then took several deep breaths. She finally calmed down, and let out a loud sigh, slapping him on the arm. "That was hilarious!"

Shifu felt absolutely horrified.

"Anyway," she continued, "thanks for cheering me up. You really had me going for a minute, there." She shook her head as she hoisted herself to her feet. "I'm gonna remember that, what was it? 'I like you the way you are.' _Nice_. Well, seeya." With that, she trotted down the steps and back toward the barracks.

Shifu just sat there, under the peach tree, his ego whimpering in pain. He had been telling the truth, and it was the closest he'd been able to bring himself to actually confessing his love to her. And Lin had thought it was just a joke. It would be generous to say that he felt about two inches tall at that moment. "I really _am_ an ass," he muttered to himself.

* * *

Tai Lung was stumped. He was hungry, too, but mostly just stumped. He had thought that if Shifu and Lin finally confessed their feelings to each other, everything would be okay. They'd probably still fight and make fun of each other, but they wouldn't be so mad all the time and Tai Lung would feel... Well, he'd feel like he had a real, honest to goodness family.

But apparently they had admitted their feelings in some capacity, and absolutely nothing was okay. They were both in a bad mood all of the time, they bickered over the tiniest things, and when they weren't fighting they were avoiding each other. Tai Lung had tried to talk to Lin about the matter, but for the first time ever she flat out refused to say anything about it. She'd even threatened to send him to bed without dinner.

This had all been going on for a couple of days, and apparently had started when Master Shifu had kissed Lin. He was a bit fuzzy on the details, since everything he knew he had gleaned from eavesdropping. But he did know that when two people kissed, first came love, then came marriage, then came one of the two with a baby carriage- especially if there had been a tree involved. Yet Lin had apparently rejected Shifu, for reasons completely unknown. He knew that women were supposed to play hard to get, but this was just ridiculous. _Adults_ were just ridiculous. He couldn't really expect any better from Lin and Master Shifu, though.

He had at least managed to do _some_ damage control. After Master Shifu had pretty much ensured that Lin would always have something to hold over his head with that comment about her grandmother, Tai Lung had been the one who'd had to calm her down. It hadn't been easy, since she refused to so much as hear Shifu's name. Still, he'd managed to get through to her a little bit when he told her something that she'd said to him, after that time she'd told Master Shifu that he was too obsessed with kung fu: everyone says dumb stuff they don't mean; that's no reason to freak out. That had actually shut her up, which he had to admit was an added perk when she was in such a bad mood.

Next he just needed to give Master Shifu some pointers. After all, he was very well-read on the subject of wooing girls- and really, how hard could it be? He tried to think up some really good strategies as he searched for Master Shifu- first in the training hall, then in the Hall of Heroes. He even checked up by the peach tree, but to no avail. He figured he might as well grab a snack; it wasn't like he was going to go the rest of the day without seeing his master. He nearly jumped out of his skin, though, when he found Master Shifu in the kitchen instead of Lin.

He almost turned around and left right there, but he reminded himself that he _had_ been looking for Master Shifu. Although, his master _did_ look pretty miserable. Still, the sooner they had this talk the better, he supposed. "Master," he greeted with a bow- bowing was probably a good idea at that point. "...I know where Lin keeps the cookies," he offered.

Unfortunately, he let out a heavy sigh in response. "Tai Lung, please go meditate." He was sitting at the kitchen table with an empty tea cup- he looked like he'd been there for a while.

"Did you apologize?" he pressed, well-aware that his persistence could lead to a punishment. "'Cause I have a few more ideas I thought you might like to discuss."

Master Shifu stared at him a moment, then reached up and began to rub at his temples, clearly aggravated. "I do not think that will be necessary."

Tai Lung briefly wondered if he was going to complain about how his life was a shambles again. "You see, Tai Lung... Not everything is as simple as you seem to think it is."

"Why not?" He didn't see how the situation was complicated at all; all Master Shifu had to do was tell Lin how he felt straight out, then ask her to marry him and live happily ever after- well, maybe not so much happily ever after as nonsensically bickering ever after, but still.

He seemed rather stumped by the question, too. "Well, because- because... Mostly because of Lin. She isn't exactly easy to talk to."

"Master Shifu, you always tell me that I'll never learn or achieve anything if I'm not persistent. How is this any different?" Tai Lung had the distinct feeling that he was crossing the line, but he knew that sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the greater good.

"This is different in _many_ ways," Shifu ground out, most definitely displeased. "Ways that I am certain you would not even begin to understand."

"But Lin _likes_ you. You're practically in already- you just gotta do a little... Persuading."

"I doubt-"

"You need to win her over- with a gift!" It was brilliant; Tai Lung was well aware that gift-giving was a normal part of adult courtship, especially when a lady who was not quite ready to commit was involved. "But what?" He thought back on all of his research, trying to find some sort of common denominator.

"Are you even listening to me, young man?"

"I know!" Tai Lung exclaimed, his face lighting up at his realization. "Flowers!"

"Flowers?" Shifu repeated, raising one eyebrow at the outburst.

"Yeah! I been doing a lotta reading, and apparently women _love_ flowers. Whenever a man gives a woman flowers, she _freaks out_. It's like, the greatest thing in the world to them. So, you should give Lin flowers!"

Shifu blinked back at him, then slowly asked, "...Where do you even _find_ these scrolls that you read?"

"Come on, Master. What's the worst that could happen if you gave Lin flowers? I mean, it can't be any worse than what you've already been through. And what if it actually works?"

Master Shifu stood up, apparently finally fed up with his son's interference. "I am not going to go out of my way to attempt to win over a woman who is not only impossible to interact with, but also completely unreceptive to any sort of intimacy whatsoever. Furthermore, if I _were_ to do such a thing it would be none of _your_ concern. You are seven-"

"Almost eight," Tai Lung corrected.

"You are a _child_," he ground out. "And a student of kung fu. And that is _exactly_ what you should be worried about-_ not _my love life, or anyone else's love life for that matter! Now, you have five seconds to head to your room and meditate or else I will have no choice but to see to it that you spend tomorrow scrubbing out that filthy wash basin with your toothbrush. Understood?"

Tai Lung knew when he was bested. "YesMastersorryMaster," he rushed out, then turned and ran for his room; he had no doubt that Master Shifu would be timing him. He was worried about how things would turn out, but he had done all he could to help. Unfortunately, the rest was in Shifu's hands.

As he ran into his room and slammed the door shut, he tried to convince himself that everything would be fine, that his master wouldn't bomb like he had before.

"That was _seven seconds!_"

Yet for some reason, he was still having his doubts.

* * *

Lin stared down at her reflection in the wash basin, wondering if the bags under her eyes had always been that big and dark. It was about time that she faced facts, and the fact that she mainly needed to face was that she was a total mess. She'd been a total mess ever since Shifu had decided that it would be a good idea to try to suck faces with her.

As ridiculous as it sounded coming from a woman of her age, she wasn't sure if she was ready- for any of it. Her impending departure and Shifu's delusions aside, she wasn't ready yet for kissing or holding or any of that intimacy, and she definitely wasn't ready for emotional commitment. She doubted she ever _would_ be.

And she had been acting like a complete loon because she was angry- not at Shifu, though. She hadn't known what she'd been angry about, exactly, until Shifu had apologized to her and held her hand. As simple a gesture as it had been, it had made her realize something monumental. It had made her realize that despite the fact that she knew better, despite the plans she had made for herself, despite everything she had wanted her entire life... She had wanted to hold his hand, too, more than anything else.

That was when she'd realized that she was angry at _herself_. There was no one else to get mad at, really. _She_ was the one on the verge of destroying her life, _she_ was the one who was losing what little self-control she had, and _she_ was the one who wanted all the wrong things at exactly the wrong time. She was acting ridiculous and she knew it, but at the same time she wasn't sure if she could actually stop herself from doing so. The only thing she could really think to do was to avoid Shifu completely, but she just couldn't. He was her _friend_, after all, as dysfunctional as that friendship was. And even though she didn't want to talk about anything that had happened between them in the last couple of days, she still wanted to talk to him. She wanted to be able to just go back to making fun of him and getting on his nerves, and hear his sarcastic jabs thrown right back at her. And then maybe she would laugh at him and he'd act mildly offended, and they'd share a pot of tea. That formula worked for them- it was how she'd fallen for him, after all.

Her musings were absolutely pointless, though. The only thing that would make her feel better would be... Well, to be with Shifu. And she was tired of being angry at herself for feeling that way. Hell, she was just tired in general.

It wasn't helping matters any, either, that Shifu somehow seemed to be able to detect precisely when she didn't want him around and then seek her out. "Hello," he greeted from the doorway of the kitchen, then just awkwardly stood there.

Lin stared back at him a moment, then let out a snort at his bad timing. "Hi."

"Would you, um... Like some help with the dishes?"

She realized at that question that she actually hadn't been doing the dishes, but instead had been staring into the wash basin and contemplating her neuroses. "Not really," she lied; of course, she always wanted help with the dishes. She _hated_ doing dishes, and he knew that.

"Ah." He didn't argue with her about it, though. "Dinner was good."

"Thanks." She knew that he had stopped by for a reason; their post-dinner discussions always seemed to have an underlying purpose.

"...So. About, um... About last night." He finally stepped away from the door and stood in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back; he was definitely nervous. "I meant what I said. It was not a joke."

"Uhuh." She recalled their conversation quite well, actually; she hadn't been able to do anything except laugh when he'd said he liked her the way she was. After all, the claim was absurd; half their arguments were about things she said or did that annoyed him.

"I'm serious!" he huffed, sensing her disbelief. "Alright, so you are rude and stubborn, and more than a little inappropriate. And of course you get on my nerves- I am sure I do the same to you." He had a good point there. "Still, I like you for who you are. After all, if you weren't rude you might not be so outspoken. And if you weren't stubborn, you would not be as passionate as you are. And if you weren't inappropriate... Well, perhaps that part I could do without. Sometimes it _is_ funny, though. A little bit."

"...Thanks," she muttered again, aware that she was probably as red as he was by then. She had to admit that this wasn't exactly what she'd been expecting from him; after all, they had barely made up from their last fight, and they hadn't exactly spoken much since then. Still, her stomach was tying itself into knots and her heart was pounding in her chest; she _liked_ hearing all those things from him. It was pretty much exactly what she wanted to hear, and she was having trouble believing that she was even hearing him right.

"And as I told you before," he went on, "I am _not_ desperate. And I did not kiss you just because you were there. I kissed you because- because-" He paused to take a deep breath, as if he were about to say something absolutely humiliating, which he probably was. "I kissed you because my feelings for you are genuine, and also because you are very cute when you blush. There, I said it. Go ahead and make fun of me now, I can take it."

"You're such a dork," she managed to work out, though she couldn't imagine how she was still able to speak. No one had _ever_ called her cute in her entire life (and many had probably been under the impression that she would have killed them on the spot if they had tried). "I think those scented candles are starting to affect your brain." She knew that she was avoiding the inevitable, but she wasn't sure what to say to him. While she had _hoped_ for a scenario like this, she hadn't expected it- not in the least. And even though she had spent the last two days staunchly trying to convince herself and everyone around her that she had made up her mind, now that she was faced with an actual _choice_... She wasn't so sure, anymore.

"I assure you that my brain is perfectly healthy," he replied evenly. "Despite my desire for you."

That whole desire thing was new, too. "Yeah, that's great and all, but I'm kinda busy right now." She had always assumed that 'no' was her only option, that anything at all she felt was one-sided. "Besides, isn't it kinda late for this whole shebang?"

He looked momentarily irritated, then surprised her by gently laying his hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "Lin, I am trying to tell you that I care for you, and I want to be with you."

She blinked back at him, stricken by absolute, paralyzing fear. Maybe there was something wrong with her, that she was so scared by the situation- any other woman would have been ecstatic in her position. But she was frightened, not only because she knew already that anything between them wouldn't work out, but also because she'd never been in love before and no man had ever had even an inkling of romantic feelings for her. And, as much as she hated to admit it, Oogway had been right: she was afraid of getting hurt.

Shifu seemed offended by her prolonged silence, which was no surprise. "Will you just answer me?" he snapped, then paused and took a deep breath, as if to calm himself. "If you do not feel the same way, then all you need to do is tell me. I promise you, I will be fine. We can just... Be friends."

She reached out and pushed him away, unable to voice her distress or give him a straight answer. "I dunno," she told him, with utmost honesty. She was truly torn; the right thing to do would be to just lie, to tell him that she had never felt anything for him and never would- but that wasn't what she wanted. And it was something that she already knew she'd never have again, so if she _did_ do the right thing and turn him down, she'd have missed the chance of a lifetime, as it were. And, no matter what her conscience told her, it was simply against her nature to do that.

"You don't know?" he repeated incredulously. "You don't know _what,_ exactly? And what is there to not know, anyway? It's a simple yes or no question!"

"No it's not!" she snapped back. "Now stop being an ass and lemme think!"

"Are you always this charming to men who fall for you?" he asked sarcastically. However, the jab had revealed more than just his annoyance at her hesitancy.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she replied, unable to keep the disbelief out of her voice. She had thought he would have been able to put two and two together by this point, but he truly was the most dense man she'd ever met. "There _are_ no men who fall for me. There never _have_ been. I never thought there _would_ be!" She threw her arms in the air in her frustration, and then gave him her most painful admission yet. "I never _wanted_ anyone to fall for me to begin with. Not even you."

He stared back at her a moment, his eyes wide with surprise. Then, so briefly that it might have been her imagination, he looked disheartened- sad, even- before he settled into his usual frown. "That was all I needed to hear. Thank you for _finally_ being direct." He turned to go, and she realized she'd blown it.

And the moment she felt the beginnings of regret settle into her stomach, she knew that in spite of absolutely everything telling her that it shouldn't be, her answer to him was a resounding yes. "That wasn't a no!" she called after him.

He stopped, then slowly turned back to her, his eyes narrowed. "Is it a yes, then?" he asked, obviously ready to walk if she attempted to string him along any longer.

A sudden shyness overtook her, but she pushed past it, past everything that had been holding her back. "Yes," she answered quietly.

"Wha- _really?_" He sounded absolutely stunned, but at the same time overjoyed- like how Tai Lung sounded whenever he was allowed to do something he'd thought was against the rules.

"Yeah," she said again, letting out a snort of laughter at him; he was an idiot, that was for sure. Still, as he had said not so long ago, she liked him the way he was. "You gonna gimme a kiss, now? Or you just gonna stand there like you don't know anything about women- oh, wait, you don't."

"You are not funny," he informed her as he strode forward, wrapped his arms firmly around her waist, and pulled her into a deep, passionate, and infinitely awkward kiss (seeing as neither of them really had any idea what they were doing).

"And you're a horrible kisser," she replied the moment he pulled away.

"Likewise."

"At least _I_ have room to improve," she pointed out. "Let's face it, if it doesn't involve punching someone in the face, you're bound to suck at it."

He actually _laughed_ at her joke, and when she felt the deep rumble in his chest against hers as he did so, she might have even swooned if she were a more flighty person.

Instead, she reached up and flicked his nose. "I guess you never learned how to do anything with that mouth other 'an scarf down dumplings all day and complain about young people."

He rolled his eyes at her, then managed to lean down and give her another brief kiss before she pushed him away; after all, she still wasn't so sure about the whole touching thing. "Has anyone ever told you that you taste like bitterness, cynicism, and stale rice?"

"Nope. Has anyone ever toldya that _you_ taste like acid reflux?" she shot back, unable to keep the genuinely happy smile off her face.

"A lot of people, actually," he answered, grinning when she snorted skeptically at that. "But none of them have ever had such a beautiful smile."

"You don't hafta try so hard, y'know," she pointed out, feeling herself blush like a vapid idiot at the compliment. "I already like you."

"That is good to know," he said, and the stiff tone he had taken on miraculously seemed to be in jest. "After the way you've been acting, I was starting to have my doubts." He was right, unfortunately; she _had_ been acting like an ass.

"Yeah, yeah," she huffed, then glanced at the wash basin, wondering if she should actually get to the dishes. That decision was an easy one to make, and she instead headed over to the stove to put some water on for tea. "You want some tea to go with that overactive bile duct?"

"You are probably going to try to coerce me into doing the dishes again, so I may as well get a cup of tea out of it," he sighed, and helped her by taking out a tea pot and some cups. It was a nice moment, actually, but of course Shifu couldn't just sit back and appreciate it for what it was. "...So what does this make us?"

"Besides idiots, you mean?" she asked, rolling her eyes at his complete lack of social skills.

"I see you are skirting the issue, as usual," he grumbled.

"How's about friends with benefits?" She wasn't serious about that one, she just wanted to see him squirm.

He blushed a bit, then cleared his throat. "You aren't taking this seriously, are you?"

"Not one bit." She decided to end the discussion there and grabbed a dish rag, tossing it at him. "How's about you do me a favor and wipe down the counters? I gotta pick out some tea, and you're in the way. _As usual_."

And he glared at her for that, just like he always had. Maybe things were finally getting back to normal.

"And put some elbow grease into it, last time I let you clean up the place was a mess." She could tell from the way his eye started twitching that he was getting ready to elevate her nagging into a full-blown fight.

Maybe everything wasn't _exactly_ back to normal, but it was at least as close as it was going to get.

* * *

A/N: Finally! Amirite? Well, I'm sure those two have plenty of romantic times ahead of them.

...Yeah, I'm not convinced either. Next chapter: Tai Lung and Oogway hear the news. Meanwhile, Lin and Shifu attempt to get used to the idea of being "more than friends."


	30. Food Before Flowers

A/N: Sorry that this is coming in so late. On top of apartment searching, I recently was sick with stomach flu for a few days... And that is my one weakness. I will work through everything up to and including flu, as long as it's not in the stomach. The moment I feel pain in the stomach though, I'm down for the count. Anyway, please forgive me. And enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is the property of Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 30: Food Before Flowers

* * *

Shifu had thought that once he confessed his feelings to Lin he would have nothing left to worry about- after all, that was what he'd been fretting over in the first place. However, he'd been wrong. In fact, it had brought up a whole new set of worries. For one, he had basically no clue how to act in a relationship, especially not with Lin. She wasn't exactly standard when it came to women- or people in general, come to think of it. She was reluctant to talk about anything at all involving emotions (not that he was any better, but at least he was putting forth an effort), so he had absolutely no idea how she saw their relationship. He wasn't entirely sure if they even had one. And while he admitted he wasn't precisely what one would call "in touch with his feelings," he couldn't help but want to know what was going on between them. He wanted a name for it- any name would do, so long as there was one.

Master Oogway had once told him that his desire to categorize and label everything in his life stemmed from his control issues, but frankly he didn't see anything unreasonable about it. At the very least certain things needed definitions, and relationships just happened to be among those things. He just needed to convince Lin of that- hence his current worrying.

He couldn't spend all morning sitting in his room and trying to write a script in his head for exactly what he was going to say to Lin, though. He had to eventually get up, go down the hall to the kitchen, and talk to her. And he would preferably be able to bring himself to do so before the morning gong, to avoid any awkwardness in front of Tai Lung. (Having to tell Tai Lung about himself and Lin was yet another hurdle to overcome, but he had decided to take on his worries one at a time, lest he have a stress-induced heart attack).

He knew from experience that if he sat in his room mulling things over any longer he would be overcome by the anxiety, so he got up, brushed himself off, and took a deep breath. What was the worst that could happen, anyway? If Lin got angry at him, he would just be in the same boat he'd been in dozens of times before. No big deal.

Shifu continued to attempt to talk himself down as he headed toward the kitchen with the sincere hope that Lin was in a good mood. When he entered the room, she seemed neither irritable nor especially happy. She just looked tired (though that was nothing new for her).

"Yo," she greeted casually; she was at the table, writing up a grocery list while a pot heated on the stove.

He could only guess on the contents of that pot, although the whole kitchen smelled of coconut, so he had a pretty good idea. He hadn't even known they'd _had_ coconut, though knowing Lin she had probably prepared her own coconut milk at three o' clock in the morning just because she was in the mood for it. "How are you?" He decided to save all of his food-related questions for later, though.

"Frustrated." She tossed her brush on the table and took a sip of the tea that sat beside her. "I'm tired of having the same stuff to eat over and over, but I'm not sure what to get for something different, y'know?"

"I was under the impression that everything we ate was somewhat 'different.'" Half the things she'd made for them he'd never eaten before.

"Yeah, but how many times can you have rice porridge for breakfast? I at least wanna pick up something new for that."

"Like what?" Personally, he didn't mind the frequency with which they ate the porridge, and Lin always seemed to find something new to flavor it with.

"I dunno. Like ewe's milk curds and oats or something."

"Ew."

"No, _ewe_. And curds are delicious, by the way. Or should I say _whey?_" She paused to snort at her own terrible pun. "Not that you'd have any concept of what is and isn't delicious."

Shifu rolled his eyes at her monologue as she finished up her tea and leaned back in her seat, pressing her lips together as she thought. He only wished he could get her to apply such deep contemplation to something other than food.

"I could try my hand at syrup," she suddenly suggested, perking up at the idea.

"Absolutely not," he protested immediately. "Tai Lung has enough sugar in his diet as it is." He shuddered to think of how the boy would be bouncing off the walls if he was ever introduced to syrup, of all things.

"_Fine_," she huffed. "I won't broaden my horizons by learning to make my own syrup."

"'Broaden your horizons?'" he repeated, raising his eyebrows as he finally took a seat next to her. "Don't you think you are exaggerating just a little bit?" At this rate, he was never going to be able to turn the topic of conversation from food to commitment, especially since Lin seemed to like the former so much better than the latter.

"No such thing for me," she replied shortly, then filled a cup of tea for him and pushed it into his hands. "And don't think I dunno you only came here to talk about this crap that's happening between us. I ain't a dumbass, y'know." Well, that was one way to breach the subject.

"I was actually going to ask you how you see this relationship, but I suppose that answers my question," he huffed. He didn't see how she could be so flippant about something so... Well, _big_, for lack of a better word. At least, it was a big deal for him. "What do I have to do to get you to stop acting so disillusioned for five minutes?"

"And whadda _I_ gotta do to get you to quit being so dramatic?" She even had the nerve to flick him on the nose; he shouldn't have been so surprised, though. Lin was pretty much made up entirely of nerve.

"As per usual, I am stunned by your sensitivity and compassion." He supposed sarcasm would be the best way to deal with the argument without it turning into a shouting match; Lin seemed to actually _enjoy_ his sarcasm, after all.

"You're missing the point." She got up from the table and checked on the contents of her pot on the stove, then gave it a quick stir with her wooden spoon. "Sure, we _could_ act all gross and infatuated, and barf all over each other."

"How romantic."

"But that's what infatuated idiots do. That's what people who got nothing to talk about at the end of the day do. It's what people who don't really _know_ each other do. I like to think we're past all that. And let's face it, we never really had a chance to be in it, what with the whole you hating me immediately thing."

Shifu had a feeling that she was never going to let him forget that. "You make it sound as though we are an old married couple."

"First of all-" she turned and pointed her spoon at him- "don't use the 'm' word around me. Second, we might as well be, with the way we act. And since when is that a bad thing?"

"It isn't. It's not... Well, it is just that there should be _some_ affection between us, right?" He was getting nowhere fast in this discussion.

"I guess you and I got different definitions of affection."

"Or perhaps you are just afraid of intimacy," he suggested, even though she would probably get offended.

"You are a sandy vagina," she replied simply.

"I thought I was a dick tip."

"You're a dick tip _inside_ a sandy vagina. How's that?" She very clearly wanted to end the discussion, but he wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"All I really want to know is this: what am I to you?"

"Annoying," she answered, without missing a beat.

He hadn't expected to get anything meaningful from her anyway, but he was nothing if not persistent. "Be serious!" he snapped. "Is it really that much to ask? Would the world end if you said out loud that I am more to you than just your friend or- or your large-headed employer?"

"Maybe." Of course she wasn't moved in the least by his plea. "Y'know what Oogway says: nothing is impossible."

"He is wrong," Shifu grumbled, irritated by how stubborn she was being. "It is impossible to reason with you- _at all_."

"Fine. Be that way." She actually walked up to him and grabbed the tea she'd given him right out of his hands. "This tea is only for people who trust me."

"But I-" He stopped short when Tai Lung walked into the kitchen, yawning. The last thing he wanted to do was have this discussion in front of his son.

"Here, this's for you," Lin told Tai Lung, then gave him the tea and walked out of the kitchen.

"What about breakfast?" Shifu called after her, even though he knew it was no use.

"Wow," Tai Lung marveled as he watched her go, then walked over to the stove and sniffed at the pot Lin had left behind. "That must be some kind of record." He set his tea down on the counter, apparently not interested in drinking it.

"And _you_ must be in the mood to run laps." Shifu was absolutely, positively _not_ going to allow his child to become involved in his love life... Any further.

"Story of my life," he sighed, his complete lack of discipline downright startling.

"Tai Lung!"

"Sorry, Master. It's just that... Well, can't you figure this whole romance thing out on your own? I'm running low on advice." He was acting as though Shifu had actually _asked_ for advice.

"Go to the training hall, _now_. I will meet you there." He didn't have to think hard to be able to guess whose influence Tai Lung's impertinence had grown under.

"Remember what Lin said-"

"I will bring you something to eat!" he snapped. "Just go!"

"Yes, Master." Tai Lung finally seemed to be taking him seriously, and departed with a relatively respectful bow.

Shifu sighed and leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. He wondered if whatever was in the pot on the stove was edible. Well, there was only one way to find out.

* * *

Shifu questioned his own sanity as he traversed the mountain, in search of Lin. It had been mere hours since he had finally convinced Lin that he cared for her and he was already resorting to taking his son's romantic advice, and after he'd chastised the boy for getting involved. He had to admit, it wasn't exactly _bad_ advice, and it wasn't as if he had any other ideas. Then again, that did not necessarily mean that it was _good_ advice, either. He spared a dubious glance at the gift he had prepared for Lin: _flowers_. He had wanted to resolve the tension that had resulted from the morning's conversation before lunch, and as a result he had actually picked flowers, as Tai Lung had suggested. He felt like such a... He believed Lin called it a "goober." Or was it a "magoo?" Sometimes he simply couldn't keep track of all the insults she had in her vocabulary. "This is your life now, Shifu," he grumbled to himself. "You might as well get used to it."

That was a good point, actually. If Lin was staying in the valley (and why would she leave when their romance had just begun to grow?) he was going to have to get used to this kind of thing. and by "this kind of thing" he mainly meant trying to win her over after he'd lost a fight. He supposed he'd be doing it for the rest of his life. And he _wanted_ to, as well. He realized that it was strange for him to be thinking such things so soon, but he wasn't the type of person who would wait around for things to get serious. And he had a feeling that Lin was the type of woman who only a serious man could hold onto- if anyone could at all.

Somehow he also got the feeling that a bunch of ridiculous flowers would hardly help him hold onto her. Unless he was planning to hold onto her fist with his face. He shook his head at that thought; Tai Lung wasn't the only one who had been influenced by Lin, it would seem.

Speaking of whom, he found her walking along the path between the peach tree and the barracks, though she didn't have any freshly picked peaches on her, surprisingly enough. "Ah, Lin," he greeted, very aware of the strange look she was giving him because of the bouquet. "I, ahm... Here." Shifu felt heat rise to his face as he shoved the bunch of white flowers at her; he couldn't even bring himself to look her in the eye, he was so embarrassed by such an out of character display.

To his utter shock, Lin accepted the flowers with a delighted squeal. Perhaps Tai Lung had been right in his theory about the feminine love for all things floral. However, he soon saw exactly _why_ Lin was so excited to receive the gift when she began to eat the flowers. Or, more accurately, she picked them off their stems, one by one, and stuck the ends in her mouth.

"...You're eating them," he observed flatly. "Right." He really shouldn't have been surprised by her actions, yet somehow he still was. "I should have known."

"They're honeysuckles!" she replied, sounding offended. "It's not like I go around just shoving everything I see into my mouth!"

He decided not to reply to that.

"Oh- you're an ass," she huffed, then actually went so far as to forcibly shove one of the flowers into his mouth.

He would have retaliated to that, but he was surprised to find that a sweet nectar was dripping from the end of the flower onto his tongue. It was actually quite delicious.

"More specifically, this is Amur Honeysuckle or Bush Honeysuckle," she recited authoritatively, "native to western and northern China, as well as Mongolia, Korea, and Japan. Its berries, which range from bright red to black, while edible to birds are mildly poisonous to mammals, though the nectar is perfectly safe." She popped another flower into her mouth and sucked on it with a smug expression on her face.

"Would you like to follow that up with some citations and an example of the earliest known record of the honeysuckle bush in Chinese history?" he mocked, despite the fact that he had given her the flowers to begin with to try to win her over. He simply couldn't help himself, not after such a display.

"Go ahead and make fun of me," she sniffed indignantly, turning away from him. "_You're_ the one going around randomly giving out flowers."

"Wait a minute!" He followed her as she walked back up toward the barracks. "I am not just walking around randomly giving out flowers." He tried to think of some way to tell her exactly what he was trying to do without getting made fun of, but failed. "I mean- just- I'm just giving them to you."

"Oh, I get it," she replied as she continued to suck the nectar from the flowers. "Whaddaya want for dinner, huh? Dumplings?"

"Wha- no! That is not the reason I gave you flowers!" He couldn't believe that she was even capable of being so dense. He'd thought she'd be able to pick up on his meaning immediately, but he supposed that even Lin had her limits. "It's just a gift!"

"Dessert, then- you want dessert," she guessed, still not getting the hint.

"No! I do not want _dessert_." They had reached the barracks, but he blocked her path to stop her from going inside. "I am not trying to get you to cook me something. I... I thought you were angry with me."

Rather than explain to him what was going on in her head, she simply shrugged. "These things happen," she dismissed, then ate another flower.

There were times when he truly wanted to strangle her. "You and I both know that I am not a patient man, so why don't you do me a favor and explain to me why you gain such pleasure from my mental and emotional abuse?"

"'Cause it's funny," she replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "But I wasn't trying to abuse you this time. I wanted out of that conversation this morning. And besides, let's face the truth. You really _don't_ trust me."

"How can you say that?" he argued immediately, although he had to admit he could see how he may have given her that impression.

"'Cause it's obvious! You don't trust me with Tai Lung, you don't trust me with money, you _barely_ trust me with your food- you just don't trust me in general. I know you're a suspicious person by nature, so I don't really take it personally. All I'm saying is... Well, you don't." She attempted to get around him and walk away from the conversation as usual, but he blocked her way again.

"But I _do_ trust you," he insisted, and he realized that it was actually true. It had happened much in the same way he had fallen in love with her: completely unnoticed. Besides that, he had always been taught that love and trust went hand in hand, so the last thing he wanted her to think was that he didn't trust her. "I admit that I was suspicious of you in the past, but over time I _have_ come to trust you."

"Then you won't mind if I never, ever tell you anything about my past," she shot back immediately.

"I- no," he replied, though he couldn't keep from sounding strained. "I will not mind. Not in the least." That was not exactly truthful, but if he had to make a choice between knowing about her past and being with her... Well, the latter won out.

"And you'll let me answer Tai Lung's many questions about life in general," she added.

"Yes," he ground out, with considerable effort. "With great pleasure." Again, that was not quite the truth about how he felt, but if she was going to stay with them, then it was a point he was going to have to concede on. After all, if he hoped to one day convince her to marry him... That would then make her Tai Lung's stepmother. He decided not to think too much about that particular detail.

"And I can have a raise." She was definitely pushing her luck with that one.

"No."

"It was worth a try." She eyed him for a moment, as if sizing him up. "You're really serious about this, ain'tya?"

"Yes, I am." He was glad that, for once, she was actually taking him seriously. "And _you_ trust _me_... Right?"

She surprised him with how easily she answered that. "'Course I do. I always trusted you, y'know."

He couldn't keep his face from turning just a little red at that. "Oh." He wasn't sure if he should thank her or not. He'd never been too good with words when it came to more... Sentimental situations.

"I guess there's something else I should tellya. While we're on the subject of trust and stuff." She actually seemed sincere. "It's not an easy thing to say."

"Go on," Shifu prompted, sensing her hesitancy. He wondered, or rather hoped, for a brief shining moment that she was going to talk about love.

"I, uhm... I'm l- y'see, I'm gonna..." She paused, fidgeting with the honeysuckles, then let out a heavy sigh. "I'm le- llllucky I just restocked the cabinets, 'cause you've really been stuffing your face lately."

He stared back at her, incredulous. "_That_ was what you had to tell me?" He couldn't believe she'd strung him along like that just for a joke about his weight.

"Yeah," she replied. "Sorry." Then, despite how she'd just insulted him, she did something absolutely amazing. She leaned forward and kissed him. It was a short, shallow kiss, but it still made his heart jump up into his throat.

"Okay," he agreed mindlessly when she pulled away, still dumbstruck from the sign of affection.

"Tell anyone I did that and you're dead," she threatened harshly, then shoved the flowers into his hands and walked away.

He watched her go, then realized belatedly that she had most likely only kissed him to shut him up. "This is my life now," he reminded himself flatly, then picked a honeysuckle off its stem and stuck it in his mouth; it actually was rather good.

* * *

The heavenly aroma of freshly minced garlic filled the air as Lin prepared the best comfort food she could think of: noodles. They were the first thing she'd ever learned to cook and the first dish she turned to when things started to get a little too heavy for her liking. And of course she added extra garlic, because that was how her grandmother had taught her to make them. Plus she loved garlic.

In any case, she couldn't ignore the situation she was currently in. She was having very substantial doubts about the decision she had made. No regrets, just doubts. She knew Shifu well enough to know that he wouldn't be content with whatever was going on between them being so... Vague. She hadn't expected anything to change, really, aside from the kissing part- but he was being genuinely nice and... Sweet. He was still acting like a huge dork, sure, but it wasn't the same. He'd picked _flowers_ for her, for God's sake! There were a lot of things that she could put up with, but flowers? Really?

Not to mention the fact that she was starting to feel sort of... Guilty. It was a rare feeling for her, so she didn't take it lightly. She hadn't changed her mind about leaving- not by a long shot- but Shifu didn't know that. And the more time she spent with him the more she got the impression that he was planning (because what else did he do?) for their stunted little romance to become a permanent thing. He was an all or nothing kind of guy.

She honestly understood that sort of thinking, but she lived the kind of life in which it was a luxury. She could barely plan on being alive the next day, let alone think about spending the rest of her life with someone. She wouldn't be surprised if Shifu was already planning the wedding (as if she would ever get married).

Maybe she would feel better if she talked to him. She was probably just being her normal paranoid self, anyway. She was getting all worked up over nothing. Besides, what were the chances he even loved her? Sure, he'd said he cared for her- it probably wasn't anything deep, though. She had absolutely nothing to worry about. She should probably still talk to him, though. She doubted she would have the balls to actually come out and say she was leaving- she hadn't been able to do it when he'd given her those flowers, even though she'd tried. She just... For once, she didn't want him to be angry at her. Just for a little while.

"Ah, it smells good in here."

She would at least need to talk to him about giving her more space. "What're you, stalking me or something?" It was as good a way as any to start out.

Shifu looked somewhat disgruntled at the way she'd greeted him, but made no comment on it. "So what are you making?"

"Noodles," she replied airily. "Not that you need 'em." That one would get to him for sure.

"Well, I am looking forward to tasting them." While his voice was a bit strained, he still made no effort to give her a decent comeback.

"I'm sure you do." She turned away from the stove to face him, hoping he would crack soon.

Luckily enough, he did. "_What_ is wrong with you?" he snapped. "I have been going out of my way to be nice to you all day long, and all you can do is call me fat!"

She didn't really take his outburst seriously, but she was going to pick at him for it anyway. "Don't you think it's kinda weird that you gotta go outta your way to be nice to me when we're somehow vaguely romantically involved?"

"And I wonder whose fault that is," he shot back, crossing his arms.

She watched him fume for a moment, then decided to cut him a little slack and get to the point. "Y'know, you're really easy to manipulate."

Predictably enough, he glared at her. "You were _trying_ to get me angry?"

"You don't hafta be nice to me," she replied, hoping he would take her advice. He could be kind of a blockhead. "You don't hafta get me gifts or hover around me all day or even compliment me- hell, I don't even care if we even kiss or not. You don't hafta do _anything_ different."

"But we are- we're- see, a definition would really come in handy right now."

"Why can't you ever just _enjoy_ yourself? Who cares if there's no label for what we have? That's not what's important." She marveled at how easily she was able to digress from what she actually wanted to say. "Just relax and have fun," she settled on. "Whatever happens, happens. Y'get my drift?"

He still seemed pretty miffed, and he just glared at her a moment. Then he huffed, "I see," and crossed his arms.

Sometimes she really just wanted to hit him. "What is it now?"

"I was under the impression that you were taking this relationship seriously," he clarified, a huge frown on his face.

Lin wondered what to say to that; if she agreed with him, he would no doubt have a huge fight with her about it, and he might not forgive her. If she denied it, she might give him the impression that she was _as_ serious as he was. "Define 'serious,'" she ventured cautiously.

"As in _sincere_," he grumbled, getting more offended by the minute.

"Well that's not really the same." She doubted he would offer her any more help, though. "Look, I'm sincere. Really. It's just... I get the impression that when you say 'serious,' you really mean, 'start planning the honeymoon.' And... That's kinda weird and scarily overzealous."

He blushed a little bit, and she could tell she'd hit the nail on the head. "That is not what I mean," he denied.

"Look, I really like you and all... But I can't start planning to grow old together. Hell, I don't even plan to grow old _period_. I'm actually hoping to die young in a blaze of glory- but that's not the point. The point is... Stop over-thinking it. Okay?" She was confident that her plea was articulate enough to reach him, or at the very least _sounded_ sincere.

"...I suppose you are right," he agreed reluctantly. "After all, it has only been a day."

"That's the spirit." She turned back to her noodles, relieved. She may not yet be able to tell him that she was leaving, but she had at least convinced him that they weren't bound together for all eternity.

"There is just one more problem to address." Of course, he had to ruin her shining moment.

"What?"

"What are we going to tell Tai Lung?" He sounded pretty worried.

"I got it covered. We'll have a talk over dinner." She grabbed a spoon and tasted her noodles; they needed just a little more salt. "It'll be brief, to the point, and absolutely not on the table for discussion."

"I am starting to understand what I see in you." He attempted to sneak up behind her and kiss her on the cheek, but she reached up and yanked on his beard. "Ouch!"

"I'm cooking, don't distract me." She realized she was being sort of mean, but she didn't want to have to deal with all that dumb romantic crap at the moment. Besides, she didn't feel like having to wipe her cheek off. "Set the table, why dontchya?"

"I suppose I will have to tell Master Oogway at some point," he thought aloud, ignoring her request (more like order) to set the table.

She had actually already asked Oogway to come to dinner. She figured she might as well kill two birds with one stone, and she really didn't want Shifu telling Oogway about it in one of their sappy little chats. "No need, I invited him to dinner." She added the salt and tasted her broth again. "I am a genius," she concluded.

"Wonderful," Shifu grumbled.

"Well, _now_ what's wrong?" She was starting to wonder if he was capable of being content with _anything_.

"You are going to say something completely embarrassing and inappropriate, I know it." He knew her all too well.

"Don't be silly. I haven't planned that far ahead." That much, at least, was true. Still, she figured if she was going to make the announcement, she might as well embarrass Shifu as much as humanly possible.

"Mark my words, whatever you do to me, I _will_ get you back for it."

And she wouldn't have it any other way. "Now _this_ is what I call romance." She laughed at the way he glared at her. "You gonna set the table or what?"

He muttered something that sounded like, "I did this to myself," and started looking through the cabinets for some bowls and spoons.

"Use the red set," she ordered.

"That is for special occasions," he huffed.

"Oh, so I'm not special to you?" That did the trick, and he grudgingly grabbed an armful of red bowls. She was enjoying herself a little more than she should have, but she couldn't help herself.

"I assume we will be having tea as well, even though we already have broth." He didn't wait for her to answer, and started setting out cups.

"See, lookit how good you are at this," she teased. "You should set the table more often."

"Perhaps I would if you were not such a harpy," he shot back.

"You guys are fighting _again?_" Tai Lung walked into the kitchen in the company of Oogway, surprisingly enough. The kid usually didn't spend a lot of time in the old turtle's company, since he professed to having no idea what Oogway was saying half the time.

"Well, to me it looks as if you two are getting along quite well." Oogway winked knowingly at them before taking a seat at the opposite end of the table from Tai Lung.

Lin wouldn't be surprised if the old man had been spying on her and Shifu. "I made noodles for dinner," she informed them. "With lotsa garlic, so don't be surprised if your breath stinks later."

"Such eloquence to your words," Shifu said sarcastically as he handed her a couple of bowls so she could start serving. "It is almost as if you are a poet."

"It's a subtle art," she replied and handed him the filled bowls so he could give them to Tai Lung and Oogway.

"Hey, these're the good dishes," Tai Lung observed as he peered down at his noodles. "These're only for special occasions. What's going on?"

"Something worth celebrating, it would seem," Oogway answered him. There was absolutely no way that Oogway could know what was going on for sure, though. He _had_ to just be guessing.

"I suppose there is no point in drawing it out," Shifu sighed, then raised his eyebrows at Lin. "I believe you wanted to play the messenger?"

"How gracious of you." She walked up to the table to stand beside him and cleared her throat. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here," she began in a prodigious tone, ignoring the way Shifu rolled his eyes at her.

"Um... For dinner?" Tai Lung asked hesitantly, looking rather wary of her announcement.

"Besides that."

"You want a raise?" Oogway tried, and it was a good guess.

"Besides that, too." She figured she could only drag it out for so long. "Y'see, Shifu and I... Uhm... We sorta..." She realized that she had no idea what to say on the subject. So, she did the first thing that came to her mind. "This-" she paused to slap one hand loudly on Shifu's ass- "is mine." she gave it a little extra squeeze, too, just for emphasis.

The reactions were immediate, of course. Shifu looked absolutely horrified and hissed at her, "I cannot believe you just did that _in front of my child_."

Meanwhile, Oogway seemed rather unfazed and offered up a simple, "It is about time."

Tai Lung just covered his eyes and groaned like someone who'd just been punched in the gut. "_Barf!_" he exclaimed.

Lin figured that had gone pretty well, all things considered. "My work here is done," she stated haughtily.

"If you _ever_ do that to me again, your _life_ here will be done," Shifu threatened emptily.

"Shut up and go get me some noodles." She plopped down into her usual seat and leaned toward Oogway. "You didn't actually _know_ about this, right?"

"Of course not," he replied serenely. "Just like anyone else, I have no way of knowing for sure about anything in this life or the next." He gave her one of his reassuring smiles and sipped at his soup. "Delicious noodles, by the way."

She eyed him suspiciously for that one, but she supposed he had a point, and she couldn't prove otherwise. "Thanks."

"I do not care how delicious they are," Shifu stated flatly as he placed a steaming bowl in front of Lin and then sat down with his own, "I am _not_ doing the dishes again. You are still on the payroll, you know." He seemed to really like the noodles, by the way he started scarfing them down.

"Yeah, _barely_," she quipped, though technically her pay was fair considering that she was also given room and board. "Y'know, there should be organizations for workers, set in place to protect their rights. Organizations to guarantee health care, fair hours, good working conditions- and _raises_. Imagine a world in which an automatic raise after the first three months of employment wasn't just possible, but _expected._"

He stopped stuffing his face long enough to look disgruntled at the suggestion. "One person's utopia is another's nightmare. Who would pay for all of that?"

"Maybe the workers could feed a small portion of their pay into the organization," she suggested. "Or maybe our essentially flawed imperialist societal structure will finally collapse, and in the settling dust a glorious new age of socialism will arise. Hey, kid, you okay? You barely touched your noodles." She had noticed halfway through her diatribe that Tai Lung still seemed a little shell-shocked.

"I'm okay," he confirmed, looking back and forth between Lin and Shifu with his brow furrowed. "It's just... Nothing really seems _different_ from before."

"Why would it be?"

He let out a frustrated sigh and finally started eating. "Well, aren't you guys in love?"

Shifu immediately started choking on his dinner, and if Lin had been in the midst of chewing anything, she would have as well. Instead, she settled on just staring back at him.

Luckily, Oogway seemed to be in a merciful mood, and jumped in to save them. "I believe this calls for a story," he announced. "How would you like to hear about Shifu's sordid youth?" Apparently he wasn't feeling too merciful toward Shifu, though.

It seemed to cheer Tai Lung up, and it definitely diverted his attention. "Sure!"

Lin leaned back in her seat as Oogway began what was bound to be an embarrassing tale of Shifu's childhood, relieved that he had stepped in. While she knew that it would be inevitable for the whole love discussion to come up sooner or later, she absolutely did _not_ want to have it in front of Tai Lung and Oogway. Hell, she barely wanted to have it in privacy. Besides, she was leaving soon, anyway, so what would be the point in talking about love?

Still, as she watched Shifu blush at Oogway's mention of his irrational childhood fear of fecal matter (apparently he'd thought it was some kind of monster), she knew that out of all the places she'd been in her life, she would miss the Valley of Peace the most.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, I tried to keep Oogway's story as clean as possible, but I just couldn't think of any childhood stories (real or made up) that didn't have something to do with poop. And in case anyone was wondering where I got the idea for that childhood fear, it was mine. Anyway, more apologies for the lateness- I promise I WILL catch up and post on time next chapter.

Speaking of next chapter... Lin and Shifu continue with their less-than-conventional whatever-type-of-relationship. Will she tell him that she's leaving? Will she chicken out again? Will I ever resolve anything in the fic? Stay tuned to find out.


	31. You Are What You Eat

A/N: Sorry for the continued lateness! -_- It turns out that packing and cleaning everything you've ever owned in your entire life, moving it all two hours away, and then searching for a new job are all much more time consuming than I had originally thought. That is my excuse, anyway. I have to thank each and everyone one of you returning readers/reviewers for putting up with my nonsense. Thank you so much!

Also... So maybe the fic will be more like 36 chapters... Or so. I swear the end is nigh, it's just that since the fic is so slow paced I would feel like a dicktip rushing the end. Anyway, on with the chapter!

Disclaimer: Dreamworks owns Kung Fu Panda.

* * *

Chapter 31: You Are What You Eat

* * *

Shifu had to admit, he was relieved to have finally admitted that he had feelings for Lin. And he was happy that she returned those feelings, at least to some degree. And he was even enjoying the time they'd been spending together, despite her deliberate attempts to get on his nerves. However, one problem _still_ remained. Well, actually, there were many problems, but this was the most immediate one.

Lin did not like to be touched.

He'd known going in that she didn't like to be touched, of course. He'd just thought that _maybe_ she would make an exception for him. As usual when it came to Lin, he'd thought wrong.

It had been precisely five days, fourteen hours, and thirty-two minutes since he had become her- whatever she wanted to call it- and she was acting as if he carried the plague. She had kissed him that one time, after he'd given her the honeysuckles, but that had only been to shut him up. Since then, every time he had attempted to kiss her had been met with the same reaction. She would literally put her hand on his face, push his head back and say, "Move away from me." His other attempts at physical intimacy (kissing her on the cheek, holding her hand, basically non-violent touching of any kind) had been met with similar reactions.

He didn't think of himself as particularly touchy or intimate, but this was ridiculous. It was as if she were actually _repulsed_ by him, which, after all of her teasing of him being fat and old and having a huge head and stupid-looking facial hair, he somehow found rather easy to believe. He felt like he'd had more physical intimacy with her back when he'd been merely tolerating her presence.

There was only one thing he could think to do at this point. He knew from experience that if he attempted to talk to her about his concerns she would just make an excuse to walk away from him, and actions spoke louder than words anyway. He would just have to walk straight up to her, sweep her into his arms, and kiss her like he'd never kissed anyone before. Then she would see what she had been missing. And _no_, that had not been Tai Lung's idea. For once. And if that failed as spectacularly as he suspected it would... Well, at least he'd have one good kiss before his untimely death. He _hoped_ it would be good, anyway.

He paused outside the kitchen, taking a moment to savor the heavenly aroma of pan-fried fruit wafting out the door. It could quite possibly be the last thing he ever smelled. Well, that and dirt. Lin always smelled like two things: the last dish she had prepared, and dirt. Not to say she smelled dirty- more like freshly dug earth, right after rainfall. He'd always liked that scent. He wasn't going to get a nose-full of that smell, though, unless he "quit being a pussy," as Lin herself would put it. So, he took a deep breath, then charged into the kitchen, where Lin was at the stove, frying up a pan-full of sliced apples (and probably cinnamon). He walked right up to her (or behind her, rather), grabbed her around the waist- and that was as far as he got.

"Yeeeee!" she screeched, like he'd never heard anyone scream before, and lunged forward, throwing her arms in the air. Unfortunately, she also happened to be holding onto the pan, and when she threw her arms up she flung the apples across the room. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you!" She dropped the pan onto the stovetop and turned around to glare at him.

"Uh..." He honestly didn't know how to react to what had just happened. "What was that, exactly?"

"I'm _ticklish_," she snapped, rubbing at her side. "And you snuck up on me."

"You are _not_ ticklish," he replied, then reached out to poke at her.

"Stop it!" Lin dove out of the way of his hand, as if she were in a life or death situation, then scampered over to the table and shielded herself with a chair. "I swear to God, if you even _try_ I will break this chair over your big head." She grabbed the chair and held onto it firmly, clearly agitated.

"My head is _not_ big," he huffed. "And you're ticklish." It occurred to him that he could use this knowledge against her, and a slow smile spread across his face. "This is probably the greatest realization I have ever had."

She pointed at him and narrowed her eyes. "You are no longer allowed to touch me."

All the strange screeching noises she had made every time he'd ever touched her were starting to make sense- somewhat. "And how is that anything new?" he scoffed, and approached her.

She ran to the other side of the table, clearly wary of him. "If you so much as _think_ of tickling me, I _will_ castrate you. Make no mistake about that."

He still owed her for slapping his rear in front of Master Oogway and Tai Lung, so some teasing was definitely in order. "Don't be so jumpy. I'll be gentle."

"_Don't_," she barked, narrowing her eyes at him.

They both knew that he was much faster than she was- not that it was a difficult feat- and he was going to use that knowledge to his advantage. "What are you so worried about?" He took a few steps to the right, watching with no small amount of amusement as she also moved to her right in an attempt to keep distance between them. "You trust me, right?"

"Hah! You forget one thing: I am immune to my own techniques." She continued to watch him, waiting for his next move.

He was having far too much fun. "Then I suppose I will have to stick with my own methods." He raised one hand and wiggled his fingers at her, holding back a laugh at how disgruntled she looked at the taunt.

"Keep your weird hairy palms away from me!" she snapped in an apparent attempt to offend him.

"That is simply a part of red panda anatomy," he informed her calmly. "Which you would know if you were even half as familiar with it as you are with _wolf_ anatomy."

"Well maybe I should go look it up," she replied, her gaze flitting briefly to the door before she made a break for it.

He headed her off all too easily and, for the first time in his life since Tai Lung had been a baby, he actually _tickled_ someone. At least, he was pretty sure the poke he'd given her had tickled, because she let out a horrific shriek and literally jumped up onto the kitchen table in an attempt to crawl away from him. "This is almost too easy," he told her.

"You're _dead_," she growled back.

"It is very much worth it." He then leaped onto the table to chase after her and managed to get his arms around her waist again.

She sounded like she was being murdered, the way she screamed.

He couldn't hold back any longer. He just _had_ to laugh at her. She was being so ridiculous that it was impossible not to burst out laughing.

And, surprisingly, the more he laughed, the less she screeched. And the less she screeched, the more she blushed adorably. And the more she blushed, the more he wanted to kiss her.

So, he risked his own well-being and did just that. It was even more worth it than the tickling.

She proved yet again just how unpredictable she could be and actually _kissed back_, too. And from the way she was gripping his shoulders, he doubted she was going to push him away. But the best part of all was when she let out a little noise that sounded like, "Mmf," and pressed her knee to his side. He thought his heart might stop right on the spot.

And then she belched. Right into his mouth. And it tasted like morning breath and garlic.

"Augh!" He pulled away, coughing in an attempt to get the taste out of his mouth.

"Wow, _pussy_," she replied flatly, clearly unhappy about his reaction- though what did she expect?

"Did you do that on purpose?" He honestly wouldn't be surprised if she had.

"No! It's gas, it's a natural bodily function!" She punched him in the chest, and definitely not in a friendly way. "And get your sweaty grundle offa me."

"What's a grundle?" Of course, Tai Lung had to walk into the kitchen at precisely that moment. "And why's breakfast all over the floor? And why're you guys on the table?"

Shifu had no idea how to answer any of those questions, and a sideways glance at Lin revealed that she was pretty stumped, herself.

"Master, you're not trying to strangle Lin or something, are you?" the boy went on, a concerned look on his face.

"Of course not," he huffed, then finally came out of his shock enough to climb down off the table. "I was just... Just..."

"Grundling her?" he asked with a level of innocence that revealed he had no clue what he'd just said.

"A grundle is the space between your junk and your butthole," Lin sighed, horrifying Shifu with how inappropriately she'd answered him. "I guess you could turn that into a verb, but if your dad ever asked me to do that I'd probably punt him off the mountain. As for breakfast, I'm gonna hafta start over on that."

"That's okay," Tai Lung replied in a strained voice as his eye twitched ever so slightly. "I need to go scrub out my ears, anyway." And then he ran away as if the kitchen were on fire.

Shifu wasn't sure where to start, but he decided to take Lin's advice and not over-think it. "Do you have any idea how much you just scarred him?"

"He'll get over it," she dismissed, hopping off the table. "Children are resilient."

"I might have to explain sex to him now!" Somehow he doubted that Lin would be sympathetic to such a plight.

"God forbid he know about the birds and the bees," she huffed, rolling her eyes. "If you had your way, he'd die of old age without ever knowing what his wiener's for."

"Do not _ever_ mention Tai Lung's wiener to me, understand? _Never_."

"Case in point."

"This fight is _not_ about Tai Lung," he growled, frustrated with how she managed to so thoroughly distract him from anything he actually _wanted_ to talk to her about. "This fight is about how you cannot stand a single moment of intimacy between us!"

"What the- are you serious?" she snapped back. "What was that on top of the table, then, a friendly game of mahjong?"

"Yet you sabotaged it, just as you do any moment that gets even remotely intimate," he pointed out.

"I burped! People get gassy, _it happens_. You're acting like I slapped you across the face!"

He still wasn't convinced that it had been an accident. "Even so, I have never faced a challenge quite as difficult as attempting to get you to _allow me_ to touch you."

"Sorry," she replied, and he would have been grateful for the apology if it didn't sound so unabashedly insincere. "Maybe you shouldn'ta grundled me."

"Don't you dare turn this into a joke," he warned, though he doubted she would heed it.

"Why not?" she shot back as she returned to the stove and restarted her apple dish. "It was just _gas_, and you're starting a whole big fight. If you hadn't freaked out to begin with, we might still be making out right now. You ever stop to thinka that?"

He did not believe that for a second, but he didn't say so. He was getting nowhere with his argument, so he watched her slice apples while he tried to think of something, _anything_ that might actually have an impact. "All I am saying," he finally began, amazed at how reasonable he sounded, "is that I quite like physical contact. And you don't. And I think there needs to be a compromise involved here."

"Sure," she replied, but there was no way she would actually agree with him so easily. "Here's my proposal: _don't touch me_. There, compromise reached."

"That is not a compromise and you know it!"

"No means no." She then pointed to the door, apparently done speaking to him.

"But-"

"_No means no_."

He glared at her back a moment, weighing his options; if he stayed, he risked escalating the fight and being starved by Lin. If he left, he was conceding to her. "This conversation is not over," he informed her.

"My office is closed, in case you didn't get the hint."

He was not going to let her just end things there. "You must take appointments, then." If he couldn't get her to talk to him at the moment, then he would just have to try again.

Amazingly enough, she actually conceded. "You might be useful to me when I do my shopping. After lunch, that is. It's less crowded in the afternoon, so fewer people'll see me out in public with you."

"Funny," he huffed. "That is precisely what I was going to say to you." He left after that jab, because he didn't think he could take the aggravation anymore.

As he walked down the hallway, he couldn't help but reflect on what had just happened; he was beginning to think that his earlier paranoia had been correct, and that she really _didn't_ find him attractive. To be honest, he wasn't exactly sure what she _did_ like about him, now that he was thinking about it. She claimed to like him, but she had told him several times before that she liked him as a friend... So perhaps she was simply indulging her curiosity with their romance. But then why would she have struggled so much before coming to a decision on whether or not to accept his advances? Perhaps she was attracted to his personality, and simply not attracted to him physically. But then how was that any different than liking someone platonically? And besides, if she liked his personality then shouldn't the rest simply follow naturally?

That was how it had happened for him. When he'd first met her, of course he'd thought she was a scrawny, filthy vagabond with far too much fur. It was not as if he'd fallen in love at first sight- such things were preposterous. But as he had gotten to know Lin, his attraction to her had grown. She may not be what many would consider traditionally attractive, but she was still very pretty. Pretty enough, at least, that he would have no objections to throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her off to the bedroom. Not that he was a cad or anything of the like.

She did not seem to feel the same way about him, though. Despite her claim to like him, she seemed to actually be repulsed by him. Maybe she was off brushing her teeth right at that very moment, grimacing as she thought back on their kiss. Maybe she was even suppressing a gag. Or perhaps she was just plain laughing at him. He would be laughing at him, if he were her. He had somehow turned into a doormat, and he wouldn't be surprised if she was planning on once again walking all over him when he accompanied her down to the marketplace. He was not going to let that happen, though.

In fact, he was not going to give her even a fraction of an inch. Not again.

* * *

Lin let out an annoyed sigh as she browsed through fresh produce in the marketplace. While it wasn't quite filled with the hustle and bustle of morning, it was still significantly crowded- no surprise there. One of the many unreal things about the Valley of Peace was that, while in any other market all of the good produce would have been picked clean by this time of day, _all_ of the produce here was good. At least, all of the produce her favorite vendors offered was good.

Obviously, her annoyance didn't stem from her shopping, but from her so-called assistant. Shifu had been acting like she'd killed his grandmother from the moment they'd set out on the trip, and she had no idea why. Well, she had _some_ idea as to why, but she had a hard time believing that his moodiness was a direct result of her burping into his mouth. He seemed to think she'd done it on purpose, which she didn't see the reasoning behind- sure, she was still a little averse to the whole touching thing, but she'd been enjoying that kiss. If anyone was sabotaging their physical relationship it was him, with his delusional paranoia.

On top of all that, she had to deal with that group of women- rabbits, to be precise- who'd taken to giving Shifu "the eye" whenever he accompanied her to the marketplace. She would be the first to admit that among her flaws was the tendency to get extremely territorial and possessive, so she'd been silently fuming about said turn of events for quite some time. If she hadn't been in the midst of a senseless fight with Shifu, actually, she would have marched straight over to the flighty little twits and told them all to get lives. As it was, she simply frowned about it to herself as she searched through the wares of a produce stand for some decent avocados.

"Are you planning on buying everything in the marketplace that catches your fancy, or just everything in general?" he sniped at her, which he had been doing from the moment they'd arrived, and she was starting to get sick of it.

"I dunno why you think it's such a crime to spend money on food," she huffed as she picked up an avocado and pressed lightly on it with her thumb to test for ripeness.

"I do not have a problem with spending money on food," he shot back, then grabbed the avocado from her hands and placed it back on the stand. "I have a problem with spending an _exorbitant amount_ of money on food."

"Then don't eat," she replied, and picked up another avocado.

"The fact that I actually volunteered to be here with you makes me question my own sanity."

"And the fact that you assume I would care makes me question your intelligence."

"I do not have to stand here and take this from you. I could leave and take my money with me," he threatened, though why he thought it would faze her at all she had no idea.

She rolled her eyes at the empty threat; Shifu would never leave her side unless he were actually angry about something. "You're acting like a child." She knew that one would insult him. "You got a problem with me, then go hang out with your _horde _of admirers." While that last part had been more than a little sarcastic, she couldn't help but feel just a twinge of jealousy as she jabbed her thumb over her shoulder at the women who were _still_ eyeing him.

"Perhaps I should," he shot back, to her surprise. That had been a little immature for him.

"...Um. What?" She wondered if she was even hearing right.

"_They_ seem to like my big head," he huffed, then actually _walked away_.

Lin watched him go, her brow furrowed. "...Did I miss something?" she muttered to herself.

He was really talking to those biddies, too. Like he had any "game" whatsoever! Lin was familiar with what it took to charm a lady, and Shifu did _not_ have it. Not in the _least_. So why was he even trying?

She figured he must be trying to get her angry or jealous. And while it was working, she still had to wonder _why_. She must have done something. Could it have been about that burp? But she didn't see what the big deal was about a little gas. Whatever his problem was, she was pretty sure that one of the women had just _touched_ him, and that was _not_ okay. It was time to end whatever little game he was trying to play with her.

Without any preamble, she marched over, crossed her arms, and glared at the women. "Scatter," she ordered, then turned to Shifu. "As for _you_, Miss Thang- what the hell is wrong with you? One minute I'm trying to pick out dinner for tonight and the next you're trying to hit on chicks right in front of me!" She turned back to the women, who for some reason had remained within her sights and were now giggling at her outburst. "I said _scram_, ladies!" she growled in as menacing a tone she could muster. "This ain't no peep show!" That seemed to do the trick.

"You are making a scene," he grumbled, though she could tell that he was pleased she'd gotten so ruffled.

"And _you_," she ground out, giving him a hard poke in the chest, "are a huge baby."

"In what way?"

She couldn't believe he was arguing the point with her. "I did _absolutely nothing_ and yet for some reason you are acting like I just coated my thumb in mustard and stuck it right up your clenched little sphincter."

"First, before I argue with you: ew. That is disgusting." He started walking and she assumed it was so they could find a more private place to fight. "As for my argument: I am not acting any more disagreeable than you usually do."

"Once again: you are a baby." If there weren't so many witnesses, she would beat him to death with her groceries. "What has got your panties in such a sandy bunch?"

"You have," he replied; at least he'd finally admitted there was something wrong.

"I dunno what I did!" she pointed out. "All I know is that you're being _ridiculous_."

"Not so fun from the other side, is it?" He was _really_ getting on her nerves.

"Y'know what?" she snapped, fed up. "Screw it! I ain't gonna sit around trying to figure out why you're PMSing alluva sudden. Go suck a dick." With that, she turned around and stormed off to continue the grocery shopping on her own.

"Very well," he called after her. "I am sure you don't want to be seen with me, anyway!" He just couldn't let it end, though.

In spite of her desire to walk away, she turned on her heel and went right back to him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know perfectly well what it means," he replied, then attempted to walk away from _her_.

"Oh no you don't." She chased after him, mostly out of some twisted desire to get the last word. "That's not how this works. _I'm_ the one who acts like a bitch and walks away from the fight."

"Well I would rather not discuss this in public." He was _not_ going to get away with that excuse.

"Too bad, you're the one who started it in public." She eyed a nearby narrow alleyway, much like the one she'd taken shelter in with Tai Lung when she'd injured herself, and grabbed him by the sleeve. "C'mon." She yanked him along with her, off the main street. "You are gonna tell me what the malfunction is with you today, or else I'm kicking your ass."

"As if you could," he scoffed.

She just glared and waited for him to spill the beans.

"I do not understand why you suddenly care so much about what I am feeling." He was stalling.

"Of course I care! Now out with it, I ain't got all day."

"You would not understand it, anyway," he continued to stall.

"Are you planning on just making excuses all day?" She personally thought she was a very understanding person.

"No, I don't think I should-"

She was getting impatient and _very_ fed up, so she just talked over him. "Well _I_ do-"

He followed suit and did the same to her, and of course the fight just escalated from there. "You are not always right, in case-"

"Yes I am-"

"Do not even start with-"

"You just need to get your head out your ass-"

"I could say the same to you-"

"-Just don't see that-"

"You are not attracted to me!"

Lin paused at that one, fairly sure that it was off-topic. "Wait- what?"

"You are not attracted to me," Shifu repeated, and he was definitely being truthful because he seemed mortified at having to say so out loud.

"I'm not?" That was news to her.

"No!" He apparently didn't want to elaborate, either.

"And you came to this conclusion... How?" She was still stumped by his confession.

"Well what else am I supposed to think when you can barely stand to kiss me?" He seemed genuinely upset, which was what threw her off the most.

"Relationships that develop an emotional base before moving on to a physical level are always stronger." She doubted he would buy that lame excuse, though.

"You are the most dishonest person I have ever met," he replied harshly. "According to you I am old and fat with huge ears and a stupid mustache, and every time I touch you I have to steel myself for rejection. Tell me, what in that equation adds up to attraction?"

"I was just teasing you all those times!" She couldn't believe she was even talking to him about something so... Awkward.

"Admit it, I really am just a five to you," he huffed.

"Maybe a five and a half," she added. She hadn't meant to make an insensitive joke at such a tense moment, but it had become automatic with him.

"You see? You don't really find me attractive. _That_ is why you won't let me touch you."

"That's not true!" she insisted, though she doubted she'd be able to comfort him so easily. She'd never even thought he'd be so bothered by something like this. "Just 'cause you're a five doesn't mean I'm not attracted to you. A lotta people _prefer_ fives. Like me, for instance. Besides, you're still way outta my league- I'm like a _one_. Maybe a one and a half."

"You are not a one and you know it," he grumbled, though he appeared calmer than he'd been before.

"Thanks, but I think your tastes run a little too low-brow, compared to the rest of society." She paused and eyed him, trying to think of something positive to say, just to prove that she really _was_ attracted to him. "I like your butt," she settled on.

"What?" He blinked at her in surprise.

"Your ass. I look at it all the time." She could feel herself blushing at the admission. "You got nice eyes, too, I guess." She tried not to make the admission sound too awkward, lest he think she was lying. "And I think your mustache is cute. That doesn't mean it's not stupid, though."

"Oh." He was blushing like a virgin bride, so she guessed that she'd actually gotten through to him. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. _Ever_." It took a lot to embarrass her, and this was definitely what she would call "a lot."

"You really meant all that?"

"What'd I just say?"

"Right." He looked pleased, at least. "I suppose I acted a bit unreasonable."

"You sure did," she agreed readily.

He narrowed his eyes at her for that one, but moved on with their conversation. "I only want to know why you seem to hate physical contact so much. I know you think that the past does not matter, but how do you expect me to understand you when I don't know _why_ you do the things you do?" He sounded concerned, which actually frightened her a little bit.

She didn't like it when he got concerned for her or worried about her; he was just wasting his time, anyway. "It's nothing," she replied, and took a step back from him under the guise of shifting her weight. "It's just not something I'm used to." That was an understatement.

"I don't get it," he reiterated, shaking his head. "I mean, it is not as if _I_ go around hugging Master Oogway and Tai Lung- I'm not exactly used to it, either. But I am willing to _try_ to have some intimacy with you." He paused, waiting for her to say something, but she just remained silent, avoiding his gaze in favor of staring at the wall next to her. "It would be nice if, for once, I could hold you without worrying that you'll get angry with me."

Lin grunted at that, then turned her eyes to the sky to examine the clouds while she formulated a response; she wanted to tell him the truth, but the problem was that she wasn't exactly sure what the truth was. She sometimes thought about her various hang-ups and wondered about their origins, but she was no psychologist. The best she could do for him was guess. "It's weird to me. It's all weird. I mean... I've been alone for a while. For three years. And even before that, it's like you said, it's not like I was going around hugging people. My parents never liked me. My grandmother... I dunno, I assumed she loved me, but she was a crazy old woman. She'd hit me with a wooden spoon as a sign of affection, y'know. And after I left home, well... Shit happened. And I got into a lotta fights, but that's about as intimate as it got for me. So, sorry if the best way I know to show I care is a punch on the arm. I'm trying to learn, but... I dunno." She looked away from him again, embarrassed to be talking about herself so much. "It's kinda... Scary."

Shifu just blinked back at her, clearly surprised by what she'd said. "Scary?" he repeated incredulously. "And here I thought you were completely unflappable."

"Not completely. I mean, it's not that I got a phobia or anything," she clarified. "It's just... Disconcerting, I guess would be a better word. And awkward, for me. And, I know you're just trying to be close to me, but... I'm used to the idea of only doing one thing 'cause you want something else, y'know? So I keep thinking... 'What next? What does this mean?' And I get nervous." She was actually wringing her hands as she spoke, and winced inwardly at how vulnerable she must look. "I want you to know that I _am_ trying. I just need to get used to... This kinda stuff."

"I understand." He reached out as if to attempt to comfort her with a hand on her shoulder or arm, then apparently thought better of it and dropped his hand back to his side.

"Thanks," she sighed, and then gave him a light punch on the arm. "And, y'know, about the whole past thing... I figure I gotta tellya eventually, but I don't like to talk about it. I guess it matters to know, at least a little bit, but it's easier for me to not hafta think about it."

He nodded slowly in response, then finally started prying like she had expected him to from the beginning. "Is it really that painful to talk about what has happened to you?"

"It's not that." She gave a non-committal shrug, hoping that she could appease him and end the conversation as quickly as possible. "I mean, nothing out of the ordinary ever really happened to me. It's just... I'm embarrassed to talk about myself. I've changed a lot in a short amount of time... I don't really like how I used to be."

"And how was that?" he blurted out. "Wait, I'm sorry-"

"Don't worry about it. I was stupid," she answered bluntly. "Weak, nervous, dependent. Mostly stupid, though." She let out a derisive snort as she thought back on how she'd been as a girl. She supposed there had still been much of her current self in her, but she'd always been repressed, overshadowed by fear and worry. "Whenever I think back on the shit I put up with, I wish I could travel back in time and give myself a swift kick in the ass. You ever feel like that?"

"Constantly," he admitted.

"Well there you go. Now drop it." She turned around to head back out in to the marketplace, but he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her back. "Wh-" And then he kissed her on the cheek. "-at is wrong with you?"

"You are the one who told everyone in the marketplace that we are lovers," he replied, then walked out toward the main street, her hand still firmly in his grasp. "Now act like it."

"Fine," she huffed, even though she liked feeling wanted. "But you gotta carry everything."

"Alright." He must have been in an incredibly good mood from all those compliments she'd given him, because he leaned down and picked _her_ up. Right in front of a crowd of strangers.

"What're you doing?" For once, she was the one embarrassed by him.

"I am acclimating you to physical contact," he replied calmly. "And you _did_ say I had to carry _everything_."

"Well if you carry me everywhere I'm gonna get fatter 'an you," she pointed out; she felt like they were receiving a lot of annoyed glares. She had to admit, if she'd seen such a display of public affection in the marketplace, she would have been giving out an annoyed glare as well.

"I do not care." He lowered his voice for the next part; apparently he wanted privacy in the crowded public area in which he'd been attracting stares from every direction. "Whether you gain a thousand pounds or age into a grizzled old hag, I will not care. You will still be the one I want."

"Gross," she shot back immediately, though she was rather flattered. "You're annoying." She finally resorted to physical violence and gave his little braid a tug. "Now put me down."

He actually did set her down, but she had a feeling that it was less because she'd asked and more because he had finally noticed the dirty looks they were receiving. "Mutual annoyance seems to be the backbone of our relationship," he commented, and then smiled at her; he was _definitely_ in a good mood.

"Yeesh, if I knew all I had to do to get you in such a good mood was compliment your ass, I'd do it more often." She nudged him with her elbow, unable to stop herself from grinning like an idiot.

"Don't nudge me there, I'm ticklish," he teased. "I might start to screech like a dying vulture."

"Get bent," she shot back, then shoved a bag of potatoes at him. "And pay for those while you're at it." She really should have been sickened by the warm, fuzzy feeling of the moment, but she was too much of a genuine idiot. Sometimes she really did think that all her good sense had flown out the window, and most of those times somehow involved Shifu. She supposed it couldn't hurt to enjoy it while it lasted, before the tight knot of guilt inevitably began to form in her stomach. There was so much she still needed to tell him, but she was just too much of a coward to do so. It might help to start out small and work her way up, though. "By the way, you're starting to grow just a little bit of ear hair. Might wanna take care of that before it gets outta control." Well, that was at least one thing to cross off her gigantic list. Perhaps not the most important, but it was a start.

* * *

Lin was up to something.

Shifu knew that he had a paranoid streak, but he was absolutely certain that he wasn't just imagining things. True, he had suspected that she'd been up to something since the first moment he'd met her, but that was different. Now he _knew_ she was up to something. He'd first noticed the morning after they'd fought in the marketplace. She'd made some of those delicious breakfast dumplings, and when he'd walked into the kitchen she'd smiled at him and said, "Well don't you look handsome today?" All he'd been able to do was stare at her, his mouth hanging open. Once the shock wore off, he'd simply dismissed her odd behavior, but then after breakfast, when he'd tried to follow Tai Lung out to the training hall, she'd grabbed him and fixed his collar for him. Then she had kissed him on the cheek and sent him on his way with a pat on the bottom.

That hadn't been the only incident. She'd been acting _nice_ for days. Even more than nice, actually. She'd been absolutely lovely. She cooked all his favorite things, she straightened his clothes, she spoke to him like she actually _liked_ him, and she kissed him without complaint. He was beginning to think that she'd gone insane.

Not that he didn't enjoy the attention and the lack of knock-down, drag-out fighting. Still, he couldn't help but suspect that she was trying to butter him up for something. But what? What could she possibly be up to? Maybe she didn't want him asking her anything else about her past or why she wasn't used to being touched. Or perhaps she had done something horrific that she was just waiting for him to find out about.

He sat in the kitchen, drumming his fingers on the table as he contemplated how to breach the subject with her. It seemed as if most of his time lately had been occupied with thoughts of how to talk to Lin, which definitely spoke volumes about their relationship. And at the moment he was simply _waiting_ for her in order to confront her about her recent behavior, which would inevitably end in a fight- though that would actually be an improvement, since it would at least be normal. Normal for them, anyway.

"Oh, hi," Lin greeted pleasantly as she walked into the kitchen with an armful of freshly picked peaches from the sacred peach tree and dropped them into the fruit bowl. "I wasn't expecting you in here this time of day. Something wrong?" As she spoke she began to gather various ingredients from around the kitchen- onion, garlic, peppers, rice, and a number of dried spices he would not be able to name if his life depended on it.

He remained seated at the table and massaged one temple in the hopes he could stave off a headache while he watched her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting started on dinner," she replied simply as she grabbed some oil from the cabinet.

"No, that is not what I meant." He stood up from his seat, but he didn't approach her just yet. "What I mean is, what have you been doing for the past couple of days?"

"I dunno what you're trying to ask." She actually paused in her work to smile at him, and as gorgeous as her smile was, he couldn't help but feel frustration at the gesture.

"I am talking about _that_, that right there!" he huffed. "You are acting like you have been replaced by some sort of evil twin. Or good twin. Whichever! The point is, you are being _nice_, and I have no idea why."

"Huh." She furrowed her brow at him, then walked up to him and smoothed out his eyebrows with her thumb. "I guess I'm just trying not to be so mean."

"But _why?_" He was convinced that she had an ulterior motive, though he had to admit that the closer she got to him the less inclined he was to argue with her, and the more inclined he was to do something that didn't require any talking at all.

"I thought it'd be nice not to argue so much. What's so wrong with that?"

"It is simply not _you_," he replied.

"You saying I start fights all the time?" she snapped, then paused and took in a deep breath. "I mean, wouldn't you rather enjoy each other's company quietly?"

There had once been a time in his life when his answer to that question would have been yes. That was before he had met Lin, though. "No, not really."

"Oh." She seemed relieved, but she still argued her point, most likely due to her wide stubborn streak. "I just... I didn't wanna fight all the time. So I figured I'd try to be nice."

"This is new," he admitted; he wasn't sure if he should even believe the reason she'd given or not.

"I guess." She scratched behind her ear as she apparently thought over the conversation. "You sure you'd rather I dropped the housewife crap?"

"Absolutely." He hadn't realized that this whole encounter would be so easy, but he did have a track record of messing everything up right at the last possible moment, so he should probably still be on his guard. "And for the record, I would also like to decrease the frequency of our fights."

"Well, there's gotta be something we can do about that," she reasoned as she turned her eyes to the ceiling in thought.

"I have an idea." He risked snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her closer, and it paid off, for once.

She reached out and tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder, then leaned up and gave him a short, tight-lipped kiss. After she pulled away she let out a quiet sigh and turned her eyes to the floor, sliding her hand down to rest lightly on his chest. She seemed so shy and vulnerable in that moment that it was almost as if she were a completely different person. "You gonna kiss me back or what?" she asked, and he realized he'd been staring at her. Even that question, despite being her normal brash wording, had been spoken gently.

He had to admit, she was the first woman he'd ever been mesmerized by. "We really should not be doing this in the kitchen."

She just smiled and pressed her lips to his again.

When he realized that he could actually _feel_ her smile it finally occurred to him that she was the love of his life. If he ever had to repeat a single moment over and over again for the rest of his life, this would be it. Well, actually, it just needed on more thing. "Promise you won't belch down my throat again."

"No guarantees," she replied, and gave him another short kiss.

He was still amazed at how readily she kissed him and let him hold her. It was a complete turn around from her previous attitude, though she didn't seem entirely comfortable just yet. "I still cannot believe this," he admitted to her. "Are you sure there is nothing wrong?" He wouldn't be surprised if there was.

She kissed him again, this time for much longer and with more abandon than he would have expected from her. When she pulled away, she finally answered him, a little breathlessly, "Nope, nothing. Trust me."

"Alright, then," he agreed. "I will."

* * *

Shifu was, for once in his life, deliriously happy. Lin was finally showing some signs of affection, and she had reverted back to her natural state (thank goodness, he had been rather frightened by her when she'd been acting happy and nice all the time). She still sometimes told him he was a "grosser" and pushed him away when he attempted physical intimacy, but overall she was much more open than she had been. He was starting to think that their relationship had gained a certain level of normalcy- well, for them, anyway. Things were finally starting to look up; he could get up in the morning and look forward to breakfast with his family, perhaps a kiss good morning from Lin.

At least, he might have gotten a good morning kiss from Lin if she hadn't been sprawled on her back on the kitchen floor, with breakfast nowhere in sight. "...What are you doing on the floor?"

"Shifu," she groaned, "I'm sick. Make me tea. With _mint_."

He stepped over her and started rummaging through the cabinets for ingredients. "What happens to be the problem, exactly?"

Of course, her answer was much more candid than he would have liked. "I can't stop pooping."

"You are on your own with that one," he grumbled, though he still put some water on to boil for her tea. "And if you cannot stop 'pooping,' as you so delicately put it, then why are you in the kitchen?"

Her response was blunt, but not unexpected. "My body ran outta stuff to poop out."

"Now _that_," he replied sarcastically, "is sexy."

"Try to control yourself," she shot back.

"So are you planning to get up off the floor anytime soon?" He set up the teapot with some dried mint and a bit of white tea for her, while she remained on the floor and groaned pathetically.

"The floor is so nice and cool, though." She stretched out on her side, then rolled onto her stomach.

"You are bizarre."

"Bizarre, yes," she agreed. "But that's hardly on my list of priorities when my stomach feels like it's turning inside out."

"Apparently." He had to admit it was pretty interesting to see how she handled the stomachache; he'd never seen her sick before, but he'd imagined something along these lines. "So I take it you didn't get to breakfast."

"Sorry, I guess somewhere between emptying my bowels and collapsing exhausted on the floor I forgot," she grumbled back. "Can't you take care of it yourself?"

"Alright." He normally would have argued with her, but she really did seem sick. "Would you like to get off the floor and out of my way?"

"No." She curled up in a little ball and let out a grunt of pain as she remained very conspicuously in his way. "And the water's boiling."

He rolled his eyes at her, then took the pot off the stove and started steeping the mint tea for her. "If you do not get up, then I will be forced to treat you like a baby and pick you up myself."

"Go for it," she shot back, then began to massage her stomach. "Just don't try to grope my ass."

"I'll do whatever I wish to your ass," he replied, then scooped her up from the floor. "As if I would go near it after what you have described to me, anyway."

She let out a snort of laughter. "I _know_ you would, you gross perv." She gave his mustache a tug, which usually meant that she wanted a kiss.

Despite the candid details about her highly disgusting sickness, he happily obliged her. "Shall I put you down, or would you rather I carried you around as I make breakfast?" He kissed her again just because he could get away with it.

"You can put me down if you rub my belly."

"...What?" He blinked down at her, unsure of what exactly she was asking him to do.

"Y'know, 'cause it hurts." She reached up and stroked the edge of his ear, which shocked him a bit both in the fact that she had never done anything of the sort before and in that it felt so incredibly good.

"O-okay," he stuttered out, and tried not to let his ears twitch too much. "I expect a tip, though." He set her down in her usual seat at the kitchen table and actually began to rub her stomach in a circular motion.

"If I wasn't already sick, I'd be sickened by us- I have diarrhea and yet we're still flirting like assholes. And rub a little lower, I want you to massage my stomach, not my lungs."

"Your gratitude is astounding," he grumbled, but he still did as she said and moved his hand lower, though he felt a little awkward about it. "And you should also be grateful for our relationship. Not many people have the kind of bond that we do."

She grinned up at him, then pinched his arm. "Right, I'll keep that in mind next time you try to put your grundle on me."

"I do _not_ put my grundle on you." He wondered how long she wanted him to keep rubbing her, not that he minded. "So what would you like for breakfast?"

"A little bit of plain rice porridge to go with my tea and keep my strength up. You can make whatever you want for you and Tai Lung, since I won't be eating much. I'll see if I can muster the will power to get lunch done, but I won't make any promises. By the way, you can stop molesting me now."

"You are a beast," he huffed as he yanked his hand away.

"You're just mad you didn't get to touch my cooch," she replied, then gave him a little push toward the stove. "Now get to work."

"Some day I will be the one who is sick and can torture you." He poured her tea and gave it to her before he got to work on some rice porridge. "And I will take full advantage."

"I'm gonna need the pot with me, too. Diarrhea dehydrates you, since your body doesn't really break down the food waste and expels your fluids, too. Stuff like that."

Sometimes he thought that causing him pain was just a sport to her. Maybe she had some sort of point system worked out in her mind, and she was constantly trying to beat her own high score. "That sounds like precisely what happens to me whenever you walk in the room," he replied as he set the teapot down in front of her.

"Good, that's the reaction I'm going for. And get me a blanket."

While he wasn't exactly fond of the way she felt she was justified in bossing him around just because she was sick, he was enjoying how comfortable they were. He knew she would threaten to kill him in his sleep if she had even the slightest inkling that he was thinking of having a long, committed relationship with her, but he felt a little bit like a married couple with her. In a good way, of course. Normally, he would feel as though he was jinxing himself with just that fleeting thought, but for once he actually had a good feeling about something in his life. As crazy as it was, there was just something in him, telling him that things were going to work out with Lin. He loved her and he was going to grow old with her, and that was that. He had never been more sure of any relationship he'd ever had in his life.

"Hey!" she called after him as he headed out into the hall in search of a blanket. "Grab me a bucket, too, just in case!"

He probably should have put a little more thought into his commitment, though.

* * *

Lin wondered if it was some form of karma that, once one area of her life seemed to be going smoothly, something bad happened in another area. She had been unbearably sick to her stomach all day, and she had no idea what the source of the pain could be. She knew that sometimes people just plain got sick, but she didn't like being in pain and not knowing exactly what had caused it. That was part of the reason she was currently on the prowl for Oogway- the old turtle was annoying like that, since she regularly needed to search the entire grounds twice over in order to find him. Still, he'd been around the block a few times and might have some insight into what had upset her stomach.

The other reason she needed to talk to him was that she had finally finished up with that favor- which she had actually been done with several days ago, but she'd been avoiding actually telling Oogway about it. That job had been the very last task tying her to the Valley of Peace, and now that it was done she no longer had any excuse to linger there. In a desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable she had avoided Oogway like the plague, for fear of being tricked or persuaded into telling him the news. She had also found herself, out of a combination of guilt and a desire to squeeze as much benevolence out of her last days on the mountain as possible, acting like a happy little housewife toward Shifu. Luckily, he'd been too freaked out by her behavior to enjoy it.

"Yo, old man!" She finally found Oogway out on the terrace on the side of the Hall of Heroes- the one near the moon pool that she often eyed curiously but had never actually approached before. In fact, she sometimes forgot it even existed. "I gotta talk to you." She finally had her chance to spend some time out there, and she was glad that she had found Oogway on the balcony. It was much more open than most of the other places on the mountain- there were no trees or other buildings, or even outcroppings to block the view of the valley below. It was as if she were just standing in mid-air, looking out on the village and the vast farmlands beyond, as far as the eye could see until the scenery faded into the mist. "Hey, it's pretty nice out here."

"You could say that," he agreed, then raised an eyebrow at her in a critical fashion that was not typical of him. "You do not look well," he commented.

"It's that obvious, huh?" She rubbed at her stomach as it seized up in a cramp, though it was hardly the worst of what she'd experienced so far. "My stomach's acting up."

"I see," he replied, and he sounded like he knew exactly what was wrong with her, which was creepy.

"Yeah. Anyway... About the... Y'know." She figured she would just change the subject to avoid any further awkwardness. "I'm done," she huffed.

"Oh? Well, that is good news, indeed." He didn't sound as pleased as she would have expected, though. "You work quite quickly."

"Um... Yeah." Actually, she had gone as slowly and deliberately as she could possibly bring herself to do so. And then once she had finished, she had hesitated just in case there was anything at all she thought to add or to fix. After several days of simply waiting and staring at the product of her labor, she had been forced to declare that it was officially as good as it was going to get. "I dunno when you wanna take a look at it, or... Whatever."

"I will see it soon enough," he replied. "So, now that you have completed my request... You are ready to leave the Valley?"

"...Yeah." A couple of months ago, her answer to that question would have been overwhelmingly enthusiastic. Now she just sounded pathetically depressed. "I'm thinking I'll probably spend a couple of years in India. I passed through the north some years ago, and I always wanted to go back. See more of the country, y'know. Eat curry." She shrugged, then grimaced as another cramp took her by surprise. "Well, I'll go if my stomach ever gets better."

"Hm. I take it I am still the only one you have mentioned your plans to." There was definitely a certain tone to his voice with that statement- not necessarily disapproving, but more like... Disappointed.

"I dunno if I can," she admitted; she felt like the biggest ass in the world, too. "I just... I tried. I really did. And I couldn't. I can't tell either of 'em. How do I say something like this, anyway? 'By the way, seeya'? I've never really had to do anything like this."

"It would not be any easier with experience," he assured her.

"It would sure as hell be easier without this stomach virus, or whatever it is," she grumbled back.

Oogway surprised her by actually telling her something directly, without any metaphors or sidestepping whatsoever. "It is not a virus," he informed her. "It was obvious to me from the moment I saw you that you have quite the sizable disruption in the flow of your chi."

"...Huh?" She knew what chi was, of course, and was familiar with the Chinese idea of the way energy flowed through the body- she even believed it herself to an extent (she still didn't think people could break apart boulders and stuff with it, and she was not entirely sold on the idea that it was making her sick). However, she wasn't quite sure what Oogway was getting at.

"Well, the stomach is the center of the body," he pointed out reasonably. "It is where your chi gathers. Perhaps you are sick due to some... Imbalance."

"Like what?" she scoffed; she somehow doubted that her stomach problems were caused by anything more than a simple gastrointestinal infection.

"Oh, say... Like guilt." He gave her a look that she was sure was supposed to be significant.

"Y'know, you really get on my nerves, lately," she grumbled, crossing her arms. _Of course_ she was feeling guilty, and it was because she was a coward. She couldn't work up the balls to tell Shifu that she was leaving, and that wasn't the only reason she hadn't said anything yet. She also didn't _want_ to leave, at least some part of her didn't. She supposed that she felt like... If she didn't say anything, then she wouldn't have to think about it. Yet she _was_ thinking about it- practically all the time. "But you're right," she finally conceded, rubbing at her eyes as she worried about what she was going to do next.

"Does that mean you are going to tell them?" He pulled a peach out of the folds of his sash and bit into it, which was kind of funny to watch. "Or are you just going to cop out and leave a note?"

"I won't leave a note," she grumbled, disgruntled that he'd even suggest she'd do something like that. "I'll tell 'em. I... I'm not sure _how_, though. Tai Lung thinks I'm gonna marry Shifu and be his mommy or something... And Shifu... I don't even know what that man's got going through his mind, most of the time."

Oogway let out a short snort of laughter. "Tell me about it. He is a grade 'A' weirdo."

Despite her current distress, she burst out laughing at that comment. "You're right about that. Y'know he makes me collect rain water to cook with, when we have a well right on the grounds? I just sneak in the well water, anyway."

"Do not ever tell him that," the old turtle warned, and the advice seemed to be sincere. "He will 'freak out,' for lack of a better term."

"What else is new?" She gave her stomach another gentle massage, even though it wasn't in the middle of a painful cramp; all of the spasms were exhausting the muscles in her abdomen, and the constant massaging helped. "So I'm guessing that according to your theory, this pain ain't going away until I blab, huh?"

"Not in the least," he confirmed. "Think of it this way: I would really like to keep this peach to myself. Sharing it seems like it would be a huge inconvenience to me- I would miss out on half of my delicious snack, and I might still be hungry after I finish. Yet I also know that if I share it with someone I care about, I will feel much better than I would have felt had I kept it to myself." He even held out the peach and offered her a bite.

"Nice sentiment, but I'm hardly in any condition to eat. Either way, I get the picture."

"Good." He took another bite from his peach. "Also good that I get to keep this whole peach, anyway."

"Kinda ruining the whole point of your speech, there." She supposed that even if her distress over keeping her plans to herself wasn't the cause of her stomachache, the sooner she spilled the beans the better. "But you're right. I need to quit being such a pussy."

"Precisely," he agreed. "So, do you need help getting back to the kitchen?"

She hadn't expected their conversation to last much longer. "Nah, I can handle it. I practically ran circles around this damn mountain looking for you, after all."

"If you are sure." He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder and a smile before he sent her on her way, presumably in the hopes that she would tell Shifu and Tai Lung about her plans to leave the country at dinner.

It would actually be simpler to tell them both together, so as she headed back to the kitchen to get started on dinner, she tried to think of the best way to bring up the subject. She knew that no matter how much consideration she gave it, she would still end up insensitively blurting the news out, but she still liked to at least attempt to plan what she would say. Unfortunately, she was drawing all blanks. She just prayed that she didn't run into either of them on her way back to the barracks, since she doubted she would be able to keep the secret for very much longer; not after the talk she'd just had with Oogway, and especially not with the sea of guilt she found herself currently swimming in.

Of course, fate seemed to have a knack for pushing her down the more difficult road of life, so she walked into the kitchen to find Shifu waiting for her. "What're you doing here?" she asked the moment she saw him, horrified by the idea of going through with her confession with so little preparation.

"I thought you might want an extra set of hands around," he replied simply, then pushed a cup of mint tea into her hands. "I know your stomach is still bothering you."

"Thanks." She took a tentative sip of the tea; it was actually very good. "Y'know, I really wasn't expecting to see you here," she admitted.

"I don't see why not." He went about setting out her knife and her cutting board for her, which she would have found quite sweet if her stomach hadn't been twisting itself into knots. "I am a very reliable person, and I knew you were feeling sick. I wouldn't just leave you on your own."

"Right." She swallowed a lump in her throat at his wording- it really could not have been any worse. And the more she worried, the worse her stomach cramps became, and the more she realized that Oogway had most likely been right about the source of her sickness. "Y'know, when I was a kid I used to worry myself sick all the time." Considering that part of her past, she probably should have believed the old man's diagnosis more readily.

Shifu blinked back at her, apparently surprised by the sudden anecdote. "You did?"

"Yeah." She snorted as she thought back on how high-strung she'd been. "About stupid stuff. Like whether I'd be able to get dinner done on time, or if it was good enough to please my family. Sometimes I'd sit up all night just worrying about what might happen the next day."

He poured a cup of the mint tea for himself and took a sip. "What made you change?"

"Oh, a lotta things," she answered as she watched him drink. "I guess you could say I really started to change when I got engaged." She was ever so slightly cheered up by the hilarious spit-take that followed that information.

"You _what?_" Shifu managed to cough out, then gave himself a few firm punches in the chest to help clear out his windpipe. "I- I must have heard you incorrectly."

"About being engaged?" She figured if she was going to tell him she was leaving, she might as well warm up with something. She was going to have to tell him everything sooner or later, anyway.

"...Ah. I suppose I _did_ hear correctly, then." He let out another awkward cough.

"It happens," she dismissed. "Anyway, as I was saying- it made me realize a lotta things. Mainly that there was no point in worrying about the shit I needed to do in life, 'cause one way or another I'd still hafta go through with it."

He just stared at her after that. He eventually snapped out of it, but only to say, "...I'm sorry. You were _engaged?_ As in, to be _married?_"

"You want an autobiography?" she grumbled. "Yeah, I was engaged. _The end_."

"Right. Sorry." It was obvious that he still wanted to drill her about it, but thankfully he held back.

"What I really wanted to talk about has more to do with you and me, anyway," she added, watching him carefully for a reaction, in the hopes that maybe he had some hunch about her plans; that would at least make it easier to break the news to him.

Unfortunately, he seemed pretty clueless. "Oh? What about you and me? Or, um, me and you?" He was absolutely, awkwardly, hopelessly clueless.

"There's something I gotta tellya." She didn't want to. She really, _really_ did not want to. "I been trying to tellya, actually. For a while now. It's just... I'm not..." She trailed off, completely lost for words. No matter how many times she could have imagined the moment in her head, she still wouldn't be able to find the right way to say it. "I really like you," she sighed.

"Well I should hope so," Shifu replied, still clearly oblivious. Not that _that_ was anything new.

"You're a good person," she added, and not because she wanted to butter him up before delivering the bad news. She just... Didn't want him to think that her leaving had anything to do with him. She wanted him to know that if she could, she'd drag him along with her. "And you got a good sense of humor, even if you _do_ got a stick up your ass. And when you love something, you love it with everything you have. You never do anything half-assed, even when it's something you hate to do, that's why I like you."

"I- uhm- well-" he stuttered out, turning red at all the completely out of character compliments. "Th-thank you. That is all... Very nice of you to say."

"And I just want you to know," she went on, swallowing the lump that had grown in her throat and pushing past her hesitancy to do what needed to be done, "that I wish we coulda had a little more time. Y'know, together."

He stared back at her, his eyes wide, a concerned frown on his face. "...What?" he finally asked.

"I gotta go," she sighed. "Not to the bathroom, I mean. I gotta leave." She couldn't stand the way he was staring at her, as if she had just stabbed him in the gut. "I wasn't even supposed to stay this long," she rushed out, partly because she wanted to explain herself and partly because she didn't want to have to stand there in silence. "But then I started to... And then you kissed me, and I... Well, you know." She really wished that he would just _say_ something, even if he _did_ get angry at her. "I'm sorry," she finished lamely.

He finally answered her, though he didn't get angry and start a fight with her as she'd expected. "What about Tai Lung? Have you told him yet?" That was it. His first reaction had been concern for his son, and if it were even possible she'd love him more for it.

"Not yet," she muttered, and she couldn't help but feel ashamed. She should have told the kid first, before she'd told anyone. "I'm sorry," she repeated, because she didn't know what else to say.

"I see," was all he said, and it was even worse than him blowing up at her.

They lapsed into awkward silence while she tried to think of something, anything, to tell him. There were plenty of things she wanted to tell him, actually, but she was too much of a coward to say most of them.

Shifu apparently didn't want to discuss it any further, though. "Well, I am sure you'll be needing some time to pack," he suddenly broke the silence. "I'll leave you to it." With that, he turned around and walked away.

"I guess I deserved that," she grumbled to herself; she felt like such a jackass. She should have said something sooner, she should have been more straightforward with him. Instead she'd been an idiot and a coward, and now she was paying for it. She had no one to blame but herself.

She was not looking forward to breaking the news to Tai Lung at dinner (which she supposed would be for two, now). Well, she was already on a roll, so there was really no point in putting it off. She decided to search through the cabinets for some encouragement, and found it in liquid form. Nothing steeled the nerves quite like a good shot of strong liquor. "Here goes nothing," she grumbled as she took a swig from the bottle. Then, just for luck, she took another.

* * *

A/N: Once again, massive apologies for my unreliable ass. Anyway, props to the movie for the "Don't mention it. _Ever_." line. I gotta say, Crane has some really good one-liners in there. As usual, I don't have much else to say here, except to tell you about the next chapter.

So! Coming up next: Lin is up shit creek without a paddle. Will she be able to patch things up with Shifu? Will he even give her the time of day? And where the hell is Tai Lung? All these questions (probably less) answered in our next riveting installment.


	32. Happiness is Homemade

A/N: Whoa! I actually got this chapter out in a week! I know, it's like the Twilight Zone. I felt bad for being late, so I really cranked this one out. And let me tell you- it is chock full of _stuff happening_. There will be lots of stuff happening in the next few chapters, actually. So, enjoy! And thanks again for putting up with me.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda, Dreamworks, you know the drill.

* * *

Chapter 32: Happiness is Homemade

* * *

Everything was not exactly going according to plan. Tai Lung realized that he should have foreseen a few hiccups here and there in Lin and Master Shifu getting together, but he doubted that even the most gifted of strategists could have predicted the problem that had arisen. Sure, he had expected the fighting- they'd been fighting from day one, so how could he expect any different? And he knew that they would act awkward and annoy each other, and then talk about really weird things at the dinner table as thinly veiled metaphors to get on each other's nerves. That was a given, at least when it came to the two of them. He couldn't even say he was surprised by the way they both coughed and sputtered when love was actually mentioned by name.

What _had_ completely blind-sided him, though, was the fact that from the very first moment Lin and Shifu had decided to embark on their unusual romance _he_ had ceased to exist. Well, Tai Lung knew he had not _literally_ ceased to exist, but he might as well have as far as _those two_ were concerned. In fact, they were so caught up in each other that they didn't seem to notice _anything_ else. It was pretty disgusting, actually. And it was not how things were supposed to be. They were supposed to be a family- as in, they were supposed to pay attention to him. They were supposed to all go on outings together, like picnics and stuff, and Lin would play in the mud with him while Master Shifu yelled at them, but then he would calm down and tell a story about some ancient kung fu warrior. That was how life was supposed to be, now.

Instead he spent every meal watching them bicker like an old married couple- they might as well have just made out right in front of him- and during his training Master Shifu acted like he barely even knew what was going on, his head was so far up in the clouds all the time. Not to mention Lin spent all her free time making kissy faces with Shifu, and never once in the past couple of weeks had given Tai Lung her earthy advice or cooked sweets for him, or even so much as pushed him into a puddle. Sure, Master Oogway was still around and more than willing to talk, but it wasn't the same. Master Oogway never cursed right in front of him, never talked about the weird people he'd met, never wanted to play games or anything like that. Master Oogway could barely go five seconds without giving out enigmatic advice, and it got annoying after a while.

He missed Lin. He missed Master Shifu, too, but to be honest Shifu had been getting pretty distant before Lin had even arrived at the Jade Palace. Lin was his best friend, though. And as ridiculous as it sounded, he felt like he'd lost his best friend- like his master had stolen her from him.

Master Oogway said it would pass- that he would start to feel better about everything, and that the other two adults at the Jade Palace would eventually stop acting like a couple of asses. He had his doubts, but Master Oogway was generally right about these things, so he had endured his loneliness in silence, and focused on his training as a means of distraction.

Still, it was difficult to ignore the overwhelming feeling of being a third wheel at meals, which was why he'd been dreading dinner all afternoon long. Dinner was usually the worst out of all the meals, because Master Shifu would stay behind in the kitchen to help Lin clean up, and he just knew they were in there sucking face. And that knowledge disgusted him more than he could have ever foreseen. In any case, he just hoped that he didn't walk in on anything.

To his surprise, though, he walked into the kitchen to find Lin there completely alone, drinking from a bottle in one hand while she distractedly stirred the contents of a pot with the other.

"What're you drinking?" he asked, immediately suspicious; he knew from her cooking what alcohol smelled like, and the whole room reeked of it.

"Huh?" Lin blinked up at him, as if she didn't even understand the question, then glanced back at her bottle. "Oh! This! Um... Nothing."

"Whatever it is, it stinks." He took his seat at the table without any further questioning; he honestly didn't see the point. It wasn't like she would actually listen to him if he yelled at her. "So what's for dinner?"

"I dunno," she replied, then finished off the contents of her bottle. "Something."

He wondered if this was what it was like when adults got drunk. It actually wasn't as bad as he was expecting. "How can you not know what you cooked?"

"I dunno," she repeated, then peered into her pot and sniffed at the contents. "I think it's some kinda pasta. With something in it..." She dipped her spoon into it and gave it a taste, furrowing her brow. "Huh!"

"Well, what is it?"

"Wine stew!"

"You made _wine_ for dinner?" Tai Lung suspected she'd completely lost her mind, but he wasn't exactly sure why. "Why would you _ever_ make wine for dinner? I'm not old enough!"

"Y'know, when _I_ was growing up, even the bambini drank wine." She threw open a cabinet and yanked out the first bowls she saw, then poured a huge serving for him. "Besides, the alcohol cooks off. _And_ it's good for you!" She poured some stew for herself and joined him at the table, setting his bowl down in front of him with a loud _thunk_.

"I, uhm... Are you _sure_ I can eat this?" He sniffed at the stew; it _looked_ good, and it _smelled_ good.

"Sure!" She practically dove into hers, then let out a very disturbing moan. "It's so freaking _good_."

"You're a freak." He eyed the stew for a little bit longer, then tentatively sipped at a tiny spoonful. It _was_ so freaking good. "You're absolutely sure the alcohol cooks off?"

"Absolutely." She took another huge bite of her stew. "Mmm!"

"If you say so." He figured that even if he _did_ get drunk off the stew, Lin was the one who was going to get into trouble, anyway. "So... Why're we eating without Master Shifu?" He hadn't wanted to bring Shifu up, not when he'd finally gotten her to himself, but he was overcome by his curiosity.

"He's mad at me," she sighed, looking momentarily forlorn before she shoved some more food into her mouth. That was pretty unexpected; usually she was the one pissed off at Shifu, and then he refused to show up to meals for fear of her wrath.

"What for?" he asked, watching her carefully; he still wasn't sure whether she'd have an outburst or not; he could never really tell.

Instead, she simply completely changed the subject. "Y'know, I never really liked kids all that much," she told him, and he wondered what kind of point she was trying to make. "You're different, though. I always felt like... You were kinda like me, y'know. When I was a kid, all I ever really wanted was to show everyone how great I could be, once I got the chance." She set her spoon down and stared off into the distance, a depressed frown on her face. "You're like that, too."

"Um, sure." He glanced down at his stew, then decided that even if the alcohol _did_ cook off, he didn't want to risk getting like Lin and pushed the bowl away. "What're you even talking about?"

She continued to stare off into space for a while, then turned to him. "I gotta get more booze."

"No, you really don't," he argued immediately. He was starting to get concerned; while he knew that Lin liked to drink, she'd never done so on the job or even around him. The only time he ever saw her stash of alcohol was when she cooked with it, and even that was rare. And not nearly as bountiful as the wine in her stew.

"I'm sorry," she suddenly blurted out, then out of the blue leaned over and hugged him, practically falling out of her seat.

"What is happening to me?" he mused aloud, then managed to pry her off of him and get her back into her chair.

"I didn't mean to wait this long to say anything, y'know," she went on; she was talking absolute nonsense, and he suspected it had something to do with the liquor. "I wanted to tellya earlier, but I was just too much of a pussy. I'm sorry."

"Tell me what?" He doubted she would shed any light on the situation, but he figured he might as well ask. Then maybe she would at least start acting a little more normal; he felt cheated that the only time he'd had to hang out with her had been spent watching her act like a crazy person.

"What?" She squinted at him, then seemed to realize what he'd asked her. "I'm sorry, Tai Lung," she apologized again, then tried to give him another hug.

He immediately pushed her back into her seat. "Stop it. You didn't tell me anything!"

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I shouldn'ta had so much to drink. I shoulda toldya this sober, but I just... I'm such a coward."

"It's okay," he sighed; he just hoped she didn't try to hug him again.

"I'm really gonna miss you, too. I woulda liked to see you grow up, y'know. Be a kung fu master and shit." She reached up and rubbed at the side of her face, letting out a tired grunt. "I gotta leave the country. And I ain't coming back."

Tai Lung stared back at her as he absorbed the information, his brow furrowed in confusion. Why would she leave, when she'd just started dating Shifu? It must have been some kind of trick. "That's a good one, but I'm not falling for it."

"It's not a joke, Tai Lung," she replied, and she seemed really sincere. "I'm wanted for a lotta different crimes. If I don't get outta the country soon, I might get found out. And if that happens, I'll be executed."

"You can't be serious." He stared back at her, waiting for her to start laughing and give him a punch in the arm, but she remained stoic.

"I'm sorry," she went on, sounding upset. "I was never planning to stay here. I was supposed to leave sooner, but then my arm got hurt and then all that crap happened with Shifu, and Oogway asked me for this thing... But I can't put it off much longer. I gotta leave. I didn't... I don't wanna hurt you, y'know. I wish this was easier. I'm-"

"I know," he interrupted, getting up from his seat. "You're sorry. I got that." He couldn't believe what he was hearing; first she'd ditched him for Shifu, and now she was actually _leaving?_ For good? How was he supposed to take that kind of news? "You know what?"

"What?" she asked, still a little confused from her alcohol consumption.

"You're a bitch." He knew that he wasn't supposed to use language like that, especially not toward one of his elders, but there was nothing else for him to say. He'd heard Lin herself use the term plenty of times, too, so he doubted she would have any objection to it. Even if she did, he wouldn't care.

"Agreed." She pushed her stew away as well, apparently finally able to focus on the discussion at hand. "But y'know, that's how-"

"That's how what is?" he snapped back. "That's how life is? What are you gonna say, huh? That sometimes life just isn't fair?"

"That's not what I was gonna say," she replied. "'Cause it's more like always. Never, even for a second, is life ever fair. The sooner you learn that, the better."

He just glared at her for a moment, then turned and walked away.

"Tai Lung- _Tai Lung!_ Wait!"

He ignored her, of course; the last thing he wanted to hear at the moment was some dumb excuse about why she was leaving them. Whatever reason she was going to give, that didn't change the fact that she was leaving; if she really regretted it so much, she would stay. If she _wanted_ to stay, she would- that was the kind of person Lin was. No matter how much she insisted that she _had_ to leave the Valley of Peace, the fact remained that she never did anything she didn't want to do.

As he walked out of the barracks he noted that she hadn't followed him; of course not. She was leaving, after all. Why would she care about him and his feelings? He should have known from the beginning that she didn't care about anyone but herself.

He should have known better all around; he should have just stuck to his kung fu and stayed uninvolved. He had no business caring about anything besides kung fu, anyway. That was what was going to make him strong- and when he became the strongest warrior in all of China, nothing and no one would be able to hurt him. Once he got his hands on that Dragon Scroll, no one would even dare to _try_ to hurt him. And anyone who'd ever tried would regret it. That much he knew for sure.

* * *

Numbness was not normally in Shifu's regular emotional range; he'd always been far too reactive for something like that. Whenever something terrible happened to him anger, fear, sadness, disappointment- all of those were likely to crop up in him at some point or another. However, this time was different. This time he was simply numb. For some reason, he didn't feel anything, nor had he from the moment Lin had told him she was going to leave the Valley. He should have felt hurt, betrayed, completely and irrationally enraged- and yet he didn't. Perhaps he was simply in shock. After all, no one had ever done to him what Lin had done.

He paused in his walk to look out over the valley; he hadn't wanted to retreat to his room, of all places, and the last thing he wanted to do at the moment was talk to anyone. The only place he'd been able to think of that would guarantee privacy and fresh air had been the small, overgrown path that looped around to the back door of the barracks. He couldn't help but remember, as he watched the lights of the villagers' lanterns flickering in the night, the conversation he'd had with Lin on this path. And he remembered the way she'd looked out over the valley, like she'd never seen anything like it before. He realized now that he'd loved her even then- he'd loved her _before_ then, actually; hindsight did tend to be the clearest sight of all.

It had been foolish of him to think she would stay, though; he'd suspected she was planning to leave for some time, but then he'd simply assumed after they had become- whatever she wanted to call it- involved, that she was going to stay. He should have seen that she was never planning to stay, not even for a little while. That was why she had struggled so much before deciding to accept his advances, it was the _real_ reason she'd said there would be no point. He should have just listened to her, instead of pushing the subject. Maybe he could have avoided the inevitable heartbreak.

But then, that wasn't exactly how it worked, was it? He loved her (yes, he still loved her even after _everything_ she'd done to him) and that wouldn't have changed if he'd never kissed her or confessed that he had feelings for her. He'd been doomed from the very first moment she'd flashed that disarming smile of hers at him, so there was no point in thinking about "what if"s. He'd probably been doomed before that, and simply hadn't noticed. If he were any judge of himself, he'd probably begun to fall in love with her from the start. He was just that much of a fool.

The numbness was starting to wear off, the more he thought about his circumstances. He was angry, of course- how could he not be angry at Lin, not just for leaving, but for waiting so long to tell him? And then there was the predictable addition of depression. Again, he could hardly expect to feel anything other than depressed at the thought of losing someone he loved. There was something else, though- something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt _helpless_.

This was not a problem he could solve with kung fu or with reason. This wasn't something he could just storm in and beat unconscious and then just forget about. It wasn't even something he could have defended himself against, because that wouldn't have been love in the first place. It wasn't that simple. In falling in love he had consented to be completely vulnerable- he might not have always shown it, but that did not mean he wasn't feeling it. He'd taken a chance and done something completely opposite of his nature by leaving himself open to attack. And, of course, he'd been hurt.

He wondered if Lin had taken the same kind of chance on him. Perhaps it was only wishful thinking on his part, but he'd thought she'd been vulnerable, too. How could he not, with the way she'd floundered about like a fish out of water? Maybe that had all been an act, though. Maybe it had been one big lie that he had all too readily believed. But even now that he'd been betrayed by her, he still couldn't think that everything she had ever shared with him had been a lie. Certainly not the soft, awkward kisses, and not the inappropriate jokes at all the wrong times, or the shy blushes, and _never_, not in a million years, any of the smiles. That smile that didn't just extend to her eyes, but radiated throughout her entire body, had been the only shred of proof he'd ever had that she had even begun to feel the same way about him that he did about her. He refused to believe that it had been a lie, this entire time. He'd _trusted_ her, after all.

How was it possible for one woman to make him so happy, and yet so miserable? One minute he'd been content to drink tea with her in the kitchen, and the next she'd ruined everything with just three words. Did she even know what she was capable of doing to him? She must not- he liked to believe she was too good of a person to _want_ to make him feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out again.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked back the burning sensation in his eyes at that thought; there was no way he was going to shed even a single tear. Feeling sorry for himself was not an option. After all, he had Tai Lung to think about- the boy would probably be just as heartbroken over Lin's departure, and Shifu knew that if he lost his composure even when no one else could see him, he would never be able to get it back. Besides, he was a grown man and a master of kung fu; it would be downright pathetic for him to cry.

He just needed to calm down a little- and while he knew a cup of tea would do him a world of good, he didn't want to risk running into Lin. He didn't know how he'd react if he had to face her again that very night. Although it _was_ well past dinner, and knowing her she would have probably retreated to her room in an effort to avoid him as well. And he supposed that if he _did_ happen to stumble across her he could just turn around and walk away- either that or give her a piece of his mind about how dishonest she'd been with him. And, if he were to be completely honest with himself, part of him _wanted_ to see Lin, in the hopes that she would be at least in some way upset, mainly to confirm that she actually did care for him.

Either way he was still going back inside the barracks; a wet chill was starting to set in that would undoubtedly give him a cold if he stayed out any longer, anyway. And he still couldn't help but think of that night he had spoken to Lin and she'd made all those flimsy excuses to answer his questions yet not tell him anything about herself, especially when he climbed up the narrow staircase to the back door of the barracks. He had to wonder if she'd been looking at his rear end, as she had claimed to be so fond of doing. He was letting his mind wander too much, though; he needed to concentrate on making his way down the hall to the kitchen as quietly as possible. He would make himself a pot of chamomile tea, take it to his room, and drink a few soothing cups in order to help himself drift off to sleep. That had been the plan, anyway, until he walked through the door to find Lin (of course, how could he have hoped for anything else?) slumped in her usual seat at the table, emptying the contents of a rather large bottle into her mouth.

He turned and stepped right back out in the hopes that she hadn't noticed him, but he did not possess such luck.

"Shifu, wait!" She attempted to jump up from her seat, but just ended up falling flat on her face. "Euuurgh," she grumbled a few seconds after impact.

Against his better judgment, he actually took pity on her and walked back into the kitchen. "Are you drunk?" It didn't take a critical eye to see that she had already made her way through two bottles of hard liquor, and he sincerely hoped that they had not both been full.

"I dunno," she slurred, which pretty much answered his question. "Help me up."

He bent down and scooped her up into his arms, then deposited her back into her chair. "I am only doing this out of common courtesy," he informed her. "And now I will go."

"No, wait," she pleaded again, and grabbed onto his sleeve. "I'm sorry."

"Getting drunk and acting pathetic isn't going to pull on my heartstrings," he informed her stiffly. "Especially not when you reek of the swill you have just ingested."

"I didn't get drunk to pull on your heartstrings," she grumbled back, then interrupted the moment to burp into her fist. "I got drunk 'cause I thought it'd make me feel better."

"And did it?" He realized that lecturing her was probably not the best thing to do at the moment, but he went ahead and did so anyway.

"For a little while."

He crossed his arms and glared at her. "And it wore off fairly quickly, did it not?"

"Yeah, I guess," she sighed.

"So what has this taught you about drinking?"

"That I'm a horny drunk?" she guessed, and he in turn buried his face in his palm in a moment of pure frustration.

"I am going to bed now." He was wasting his time, anyway.

"No, don't go to bed! I know you're mad at me, but I... I didn't mean to... Do stuff. I'm not articulate right now. I'm still sorry, though." She grabbed his other sleeve and held on for dear life. "I shoulda said something earlier. I don't wanna leave. But I _do_ wanna leave. And I _gotta_ leave, or they'll find me. I gotta get over the border, y'know?" She wasn't making very much sense, but she was finally revealing _something_ about her past- apparently someone was after her.

"Who is going to find you?" he asked, though he doubted he would be able to glean much from her in her current state.

"The guys with the... Y'know..." She let go of him with one hand long enough to vaguely indicate her torso. "What's the word? _Uniformi_. The, uhm... The watchamacallits... Soldati. What's the word for soldati, again? God, I hate Mandarin."

Shifu could only stare at her; this was definitely a new development.

"I'm not Chinese," she supplied needlessly. "In case you were wondering. Surprise!"

"Yes, that would be one word for it." He was still trying to wrap his head around this new realization. And if she wasn't Chinese, then he doubted that Lin was even her real name. "So why were these... People after you?"

"I was very big," she replied, vague as ever. "I still am! Rivoluzionario."

"Please stick to Mandarin." He didn't see her honoring said request very well, though.

"I made people think. I governi, they don't like it when people think, y'know. Troppo rischioso, y'know. Il contadino ha un cervello, il governo ha una problema. That's what I say, anyway."

"But I have no idea what you are saying," he pointed out. "You are speaking in tongues."

"Ha! What're we talking about, again?" She was definitely gone.

"You're leaving," he told her in the hopes that she would actually say something he could understand.

"I'm sorry," she replied immediately; he felt like he'd just reset her. "I didn't wanna hurt you, y'know. I tried to say no to you, but I just like you too damn much. I couldn't say no. Promise you won't think less of me for that, okay?"

"...Okay." Alright, so maybe her being drunk and pathetic _was_ tugging on his heartstrings just a little bit.

"You're the only one I'll ever feel this way about," she went on, and rested her head on his chest. "I can tell already. I just know. Please don't be mad at me anymore."

"Okay," he agreed again, though he knew that they were going to need to have a very in-depth talk once she sobered up.

"Sono innamorato di tu," she went on. "Ti amo più di qualcosa."

"Okay," he said for a third time, because he had no idea what she'd just told him and he wanted to cut her off before she started speaking gibberish again. "That is quite enough of that." He hoped she wasn't saying anything dirty.

"I'm sorry for getting so stupid drunk."

"I forgive you." He leaned down and wrapped an arm around her waist, then hoisted her arm over his shoulders and helped her up. "Let's get you to bed, now." He could tell that she was far too drunk for their conversation to go anywhere, and besides... He still worried about her.

"Don't go in my room," she replied. "You promised, remember? You swore on your honor... Or something."

"Why don't you want me to see your room?" He was prepared for her to answer with her usual flippant, "it's messy," but she surprised him.

"'Cause I was afraid if you knew my secret, you'd tell someone. And then that someone'd tell someone, and then before y'know it, everyone'd know my secret. It ain't that I don't trust you, but sometimes secrets slip, y'know?"

"But I want to know what your secret is," he replied, because it was the truth.

"I been meaning to tellya. I been meaning to tellya a lotta things." She leaned her head on his shoulder, and if she had been even remotely sober he might have thought of the gesture as somewhat romantic. "I'll tellya when I ain't raging drunk."

He honestly had no idea what was wrong with him, that he was so forgiving of this woman. "Is that a promise?"

"Sure thing." She threw her other arm around his shoulders and leaned basically all of her weight on him; he could handle it, of course, but he still wished she would at least _attempt_ to support herself. "Now tuck me in, Grassoccio, I'm tired."

"Is that my name in your language?"

She just laughed. "Yeah!"

"And what is yours?" He supposed he would have to bring her to one of the empty rooms in the barracks, since he couldn't very well take her to her own room, and putting her to bed in _his_ room would not exactly be appropriate.

For some reason, she let out another quiet giggle. "Pianticella."

"That's a lovely name." He took her to the room across the hall from his; it would be best to have her near, just in case she needed him for anything.

"So's your mom," she answered, then finally planted her feet on the ground; however, she had only stood up so she could drag him back out into the hallway.

"What is wrong with this room?" he huffed, annoyed. He didn't have all night to try to find someplace for her to sleep, just because she didn't want him seeing her room.

"It's not the right one," she replied simply.

He would have asked what would constitute a room being "the right one," except that he got his answer fairly quickly, when she pulled him into his own room. "I don't like where this is going," he grumbled, then pried her off of him. He had to grab her around the waist again, anyway, since she almost fell over.

"I wanna have a slumber party." Apparently sex was not what was on her mind, though. "Let's do makeovers."

"Oh." He tried not to feel too wounded that it didn't even cross her mind; she probably did not mean to insult him. And besides, she was drunk. "So tell me, if you sleep in the bed-"

"Yup, I'm gonna do that," she interrupted him.

"-Then where will I sleep?" He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her as she apparently thought very deeply about where he would be spending the night.

She then attempted to clap as an idea entered her head, but her hands completely missed each other and one of them slapped him in the face. "I got it!"

He really, _really_ just wanted her to go to sleep. "You do, do you?"

"In the bed!" She grabbed his collar and yanked him toward the bed, but he didn't budge.

"I cannot sleep in the bed," he informed her as politely as he possibly could.

"Why not?" she shot back. "What, I smell or something?"

He should have just answered yes to that and left the room, but for some reason he found himself actually attempting to explain to her why he could not share the bed. "I am a man. You are a woman. It would be improper."

"You pervert," she accused, then gave him an intentional slap on the shoulder. "Y'know, I'd never take advantage of you when you're in such a vulnerable state."

He wondered if he was as annoying when he was inebriated. "I know that. Thank you."

"You're welcome!"

"But you see, sharing the bed is usually something that people do when they, well... And we would _not_ be doing that. Therefore, we should not share the bed." He could feel a blush rising to his cheeks as he worked out the awkward explanation.

"Yeah, but so what?" Of course, it had not been good enough for her. "You wouldn't do anything _untoward_ to me, right?"

"Right," he confirmed.

"So we'd sleep in the same bed. So what? I used to share a bed with my brothers and sisters. It's not a big deal to share the bed, y'know. And besides, I wanna sleep next to you. What's the problem?"

He had to admit, she'd made a good point. "You promise you will not take advantage of me?" he asked, though he could not for the life of him fathom why he was playing along with her.

"Yeah, I promise."

"...Alright, then. We will share the bed."

"Great!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air and narrowly missing his face. She attempted to fall over backwards, but he refused to let go of her, so she ended up just hanging from his arms.

"Are you done yet?" he grumbled as he felt a headache begin to set in.

"Put me in the bed," she ordered, and he happily obliged. "Now put yourself in the bed," she ordered again as she burrowed into his sheets, then gave the very narrow space next to her a pat.

"I have a bad feeling about this." He crawled into his bed anyway, though, and tried not to blush too brightly when she pressed herself against him.

"Now say something sweet to me."

"Like what?" He was starting to think she was never going to fall asleep.

Luckily, she chose that moment to let out a loud yawn, then closed her eyes. "I dunno. Tell me you forgive me or something."

He grunted as she wrapped her arms around him a little bit too tightly, be he supposed he would have to put up with it until she drifted off. "I forgive you for being insensitive and self-absorbed," he replied. "And also you are very pretty."

"Aw," she sighed quietly. "That's sweet."

"Yes, I know." He began to gently rub her back in the hopes that it would soothe her to sleep, and it seemed to be successful; at the very least, she had stopped talking.

He took a moment to reflect on how ridiculous it was that she had been the one to break his heart, and yet at the end of the night he found himself comforting her and tucking her into bed. He also wondered if anyone else on the entire planet would ever put up with the things that she had done to him. Probably not. Then again, he observed as he watched her sleep, one hand resting gently on his chest, being her doormat did have its upsides. They were perhaps not the best perks around, but they were better than nothing.

* * *

Something was definitely out of place. Lin knew from the moment she woke up, before she even opened her eyes. Wherever she was, it wasn't in her own bed; that much she knew. And there was something _big_ next to her, and warm. Then, slowly, she began to remember exactly what had happened- and how she'd behaved- the night before. She slowly blinked her eyes open and turned to look at Shifu, sprawled on his back, only half of him actually resting on the bedroll. And he was _snoring_, too. He must have also been dreaming, because he was kicking one leg just a little bit. Well, she couldn't say she was a much better sight in her sleep. She knew for a fact that she was a drooler, for one. And she had been known to talk in her sleep every now and then. Not to mention the innumerable times she'd woken up with her hand on her crotch.

She got up as slowly and quietly as she could, straightening out her clothes. The sooner she got out of there, the better- she did _not_ want to be around when he woke up. Unfortunately, fate seemed to have a pretty unkind sense of humor when it came to her life. She had almost made it to the door, when she heard a snort behind her, and then Shifu's voice.

"Are you trying to sneak out of here before I wake up?" Of course, he woke up. He was a kung fu master, after all- not to mention those huge ears; what were the chances he wouldn't hear her?

"Um." She spared a brief, longing glance at the door, then turned back to him. "Well, that's pretty subjective- wouldn't you say?"

"In what way," he groaned as he sat up and rubbed at one apparently sore shoulder, "is that subjective?"

"I mean, in one person's eyes I could be trying to sneak out before you wake up," she reasoned, thinking quickly. "In another's, I could be trying to make you breakfast in bed." She shot him as good of a smile as she could manage that early in the morning, hoping he bought her excuse.

"That is a bunch of complete nonsense," he shot back, then stood up; he was still dressed in his clothes from the previous day, which she guessed was probably her fault.

"If it makes a difference, I'll still make you breakfast in bed," she offered. "Whatever you're in the mood for, as long as it's not apricots. Apricots gimme gas."

"I am not even hungry," he grumbled, straightening out his collar and his sleeves. "...You aren't hung over?"

"A little bit." She had to admit, she did have something of a headache in effect, and she wasn't exactly keen on the idea of eating breakfast. "It could be worse."

"Considering how completely _blasted_ drunk you were last night, yes. Yes it could be worse." He gave her a very pointed look, and she could tell that he was definitely thinking back on when she'd accidentally slapped him in the face.

"Sorry," she muttered, embarrassed; she'd just been so _depressed_. And then she'd figured a drink or two could only help, and then next thing she knew a couple of drinks had turned into a couple of bottles. She normally held her drink very well, but even she hadn't been able to handle the amount of alcohol she'd consumed in such a short amount of time. "Look, can we talk?"

"Absolutely," he replied immediately. "Would you get away from the door first, so I don't feel like you are about to run away at any given moment?"

"Calm down," she huffed, but walked away from the door and instead stood awkwardly in front of him as he'd asked. "It's not like I'm gonna just make a break for it and _run_ outta China right this second."

"It is certainly the impression you have been giving off," he shot back, which made her blush a bit with guilt. "Now tell me, when were you planning to go?"

"Umm..." She hadn't set a specific date yet, but she'd begun to feel a sense of urgency about the whole matter. "In a few days, I guess. I could probably get away with sticking around for another week. I really should... Y'know... Leave. As soon as possible."

"Right," he huffed; he was definitely not pleased. "At least you told me now and not as you were walking out the door."

"Oh, c'mon. You know I wouldn't do that." She might have done that, actually, if she hadn't grown so fond of him... And Tai Lung and Oogway, as well. Speaking of which- "Tai Lung hates me, by the way."

"I take it you told him of your plans."

"Yeah. I was kinda tipsy, too," she admitted, waiting for him to blow up at her for not only drinking on the job, but around Tai Lung as well.

He just stared at her, as if he hadn't heard what she'd said at all. Then he slowly blinked, leveled a flat glare at her, and said, "You're joking."

"Sure," she agreed quickly. "Haha!"

"You were _drunk_ around Tai Lung!" he burst out, finally losing control of his temper. "Do you have _brain damage!_ In what universe could you ever _possibly_ think that that would be okay!"

"Sorry!" She hadn't meant to get tipsy before dinner, it had just happened. "I was upset, okay? I just... I wasn't thinking. I thought you might never speak to me again, y'know. I thought I'd leave and you'd still be mad at me, and that was just how things would end. I didn't mean to drink so much." She risked touching him, since he seemed to be in a very forgiving mood as of late, and let her hand rest on his stomach.

"Please do not make a fat joke right now." He didn't pull away, though.

"I won't." She wasn't sure what else there was to say, really. Except for one thing. "I, uhm... I... Shit." She couldn't say it out loud, though. She couldn't admit to his face that she loved him. Not yet, anyway- not sober, and definitely not in a language he would understand.

"You shat?" he asked, catching her off-guard with the unexpected humor. "And I just changed my sheets, too."

"You are messed in the head," she replied, amazed that he was able to forgive her so easily- or even at all. "For what it's worth, I don't wanna leave you. It's just... I can't stay here."

"You did mention something about that." He raised his eyebrows at her, and she just knew he was thinking about everything she'd said when she'd been drunk. "So tell me... What were you talking about? With the... What was that word? Uniformi?"

"It's a long story," she grumbled. "I dunno where to start." Or whether she even wanted to start at all. "Well, even calling it a long story makes it sound short. More like my whole freaking life's story."

"I take it you are not about to divulge any of it to me." He gave her another one of his flat looks, but it wasn't going to work on her.

"Later," she promised. "I swear I'll tellya later. Right now... I'm just really tired."

"You _will _tell me later, though? Including the part about you being engaged? And where you are from? And the people who are after you? And-"

"Yes," she interrupted him, a bit exasperated that even when he apparently agreed to her holding off on telling him everything he still managed to interrogate her. "Yes, yes, yes. And yeah."

He continued to stare at her a moment, then shockingly enough he conceded. "...Alright." He didn't seem to know what else to say, and neither did she, so they just awkwardly stood around like that, completely silent. He finally spoke up, though from his change of subject it was clear that he just wanted to say something to fill the void. "So... It was not as bad sleeping with you as I had expected."

Lin let out a snort at how dirty that had sounded.

"That is not what I meant," he amended quickly, blushing. "I meant... It was not so bad sleeping _next to_ you. As far as... Bed partners... Go." He cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed. "Please say something now."

"Well, crap," she muttered, trying to think of the right words for the moment and failing miserably. "You're just... Wonderful."

"W-wait- I am?" he managed to stammer out before she kissed him. And then he farted.

"Never mind!" she snapped, pulling away from him and waving at the air; she did not even want to _begin_ to describe what it smelled like. "You got all riled up 'cause I burped during a kiss, and then you go and blow up the whole damn room! Not fair!"

He just laughed at her- or his fart, whichever one. Sometimes he really could act like a stereotypical man.

"Not funny," she insisted, though she couldn't help but laugh a little bit, too. "Y'know, this right here is the reason you ain't had sex in ten years."

"And I am willing to bet that your morning breath has something to do with your virginity," he shot back.

"I do _not_ have morning breath."

"Oh yes you do, and it tastes like sour milk, rotten eggs, and _staleness_. But I kiss you anyway, because I am wonderful."

"Get bent," she grumbled, but didn't protest when he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her again. She didn't even act surprised when he groped her butt a little bit, but that was mostly because she'd wanted him to, anyway. Despite the loud fart. "Y'know, it sounded kinda like a goose," she told him when he pulled away to take a breath. "Or maybe a really outta tune horn."

"You liked it," he accused, then pulled her into another kiss before she had time to protest.

She realized that making out with Shifu should probably go onto her list of things to do to completely forget about all her worries. She didn't know why she'd never thought of it before; when she kissed him, all coherent thought eventually faded from her mind, and all she could really focus on was what was happening at the moment. And also what she wanted to be happening in the next moment- which was why she tugged at his collar until the front of his robes were disheveled enough for her to slip a hand inside and cop a feel. She couldn't help but let out a surprised squeak when he squeezed her ass again in response, but she was pretty sure he liked that, anyway.

And then the morning gong rang.

She somehow managed to push him away, then huffed out an annoyed, "Ah, shit," as she went about fixing her rumpled clothing.

"I suppose you're right," he agreed, and attempted to pull his collar back into place- as usual, he failed at it.

"C'mere," she sighed, then grabbed him so she could make sure that he actually looked presentable. For someone who was so incredibly uptight, he seemed to have a lot of trouble figuring out how to get his clothes into place. "I dunno how you survived without me." She realized after she'd spoken that she'd said something rather insensitive, and blushed, embarrassed at the reminder of her impending departure.

"I don't know either," he muttered distractedly and slid his hand down her back with the clear intention of _once again_ groping her backside.

"Hey!" she warned, giving him a hard poke in the chest. "Like the fatal blossom of the graceful jimson weed, I entice with my fragrance, but can provide no suckle. Got it?"

He simply stared at her.

She crossed her arms, though it was mostly just for show. "Oh, what now?"

"...I was just trying to decide whether you were joking or not." He eyed her as if he wasn't sure whether to laugh at her or to just leave the room. "Where did you even hear a phrase like that?"

"I managed to get my hands on one of Tai Lung's mysterious scrolls." At least, she had assumed when she'd stumbled across the well-worn scroll covered in dirty snow leopard hand-prints that it was one of the many filthy romance stories Tai Lung had somehow managed to dig up.

"Oh no," Shifu groaned, reaching up to rub at his temple. "How bad was it?"

Lin paused a moment to contemplate how best to break the news to him. "Let's just say you'll probably need to have 'the talk' a little sooner 'an planned."

"Wonderful."

"Unless, of course, you want him equating lady parts to fertile gardens for the rest of his life." She paused then, furrowing her brow as a realization dawned on her. "Wow, I just saw his interest in gardening from a whole new perspective."

He let out a grunt as if he were in actual physical pain, then reached up to massage his temple. "Alright, that's enough, _Pianticella_."

She felt a blush instantly rise in her face at his use of her old nickname- she hadn't even remembered telling it to him, until he mentioned it. "That's, um- you- I mean... No one's called me that in a really long time." She'd been fourteen, actually, the last time she'd heard it. And, for once, something from her past was actually conjuring up somewhat happy memories.

"You said that was your... Real name." He raised his eyebrows at her, apparently waiting for either confirmation or denial.

"Not quite," she clarified. "It means 'seedling.' A friend of mine used to call me that, a long time ago. He used to say to me all the time, 'Pianticella, you keep this shit up and one of these days someone's actually gonna bury you, and it's probably gonna be me.'" She couldn't help but smile at that memory.

"Ah, death threats," Shifu interrupted her nostalgic moment. "Truly the foundation to any happy childhood."

She glared at him, but continued with her story anyway. "Everyone called him Vino- that means wine- 'cause he was kinda a drunk."

"_Drunken_ death threats. The nostalgia has been elevated to a level bordering on sacred."

"Blow me," she snapped back. "I'm trying to tell you a sentimental tidbit from my life that you are so freaking jazzed over knowing every little detail of, and you can't even act like you care?"

"I _do_ care," he argued. "And you have no right to get so defensive after what you have done to me in the past twelve hours."

"I guess you got a point with that one," she grumbled, though she hated to admit it.

"So. Grassoccio is not really a _direct_ translation of my name... Is it?"

"Well, technically it is," she replied hesitantly, wondering if it was appropriate at all to make fun of him at such a time. Not that _that_ had ever stopped her. "I mean, it's a direct translation of the name _I_ call you... Pudge."

He glared at her for a few seconds, then took a deep breath and actually managed to speak calmly. "You know what? That is all the talking I can stand for one morning." He stepped around her to leave the room, but she stopped him to settle her curiosity on one last matter.

"Wait a minute, why aren't you mad at me?" She realized it might sound a little vague, so she clarified just in case. "I mean, I expected you to just avoid me or yell at me or _something_. I just can't figure out why you're being so... _Nice_."

"Well that much is simple," he replied, sounding much more reasonable than she would have ever expected. "I do not want you to go." He even gave her another short kiss before he opened the door and stepped out. "Speaking of which, I really do need to get to Tai Lung. We will continue our discussion later, I trust."

"Yeah, sure." She couldn't keep the slightly dazed tone out of her voice; it was just difficult for her to believe that Shifu was taking her departure so well.

She supposed he was just reacting the way a kung fu warrior would, though. Of course he lost his composure when she annoyed him and fought with him, but when it came down to something really important it made sense that he would do everything in his power to "step up," as it were. And she was sure he was worried about Tai Lung and how the kid was taking the news. She had to admit, sometimes she just plain _forgot_ that he was a master of kung fu; a title like that seemed so untouchable, like it was so unlikely that she would meet someone who held it that they may as well not even exist. It occurred to her that Shifu was the kind of man she used to fantasize about as a little girl- the strong warrior type who would come rescue her from her life and whisk her away to some palace high up on a mountain. It was sort of ironic that here she was in a palace on a mountain, complete with warrior ready to whisk her away, so many years after she had stopped wanting that idiotic dream to come true.

It then occurred to her that she was wasting her time pondering completely useless coincidences in her life in the middle of Shifu's room, and that it was a little weird of her to be doing so. She had many more important things to worry about. For instance-

"Tai Lung is gone." Shifu stuck his head through the door and raised his eyebrows at her. "Why are you still in my room?"

"I was soaking in the ambiance," she grumbled, pushing past him and out into the hallway. "So whaddaya mean Tai Lung's gone? You _lost_ him?"

"I did not _lose_ my own son." His eye twitched a bit, but with an irritated grunt he pressed his palm to his eyelid. "He was not in his room, not in the kitchen, not in the training hall-"

"_Damn_, what'd you do, sprint everywhere?"

He gave her a flat look at the interruption. "Yes. I _sprinted_ everywhere, I was running a _marathon_."

"Well, did you look up by the peach tree?" She headed down the hall toward her room; her clothes smelled like a combination of liquor and stale rice.

"Why would he be up at the peach tree? He is _supposed_ to be training."

"Hm, yes, and _you_ were supposed to be waiting in the hall for him when the gong rang this morning, yet you were in your room squeezing my ass like a pervert." She paused outside her door when she realized he was ready to walk right in after her, but he didn't seem to notice her hesitancy.

"And _you_ were supposed to be making breakfast for him, yet _you_ were in my room, clearly enjoying everything I chose to do to your behind." He crossed his arms, and it was sort of amusing to see how uppity he was getting. "And what could you possibly need from your room? Is Tai Lung in there?"

"I wanna get changed," she replied, waiting quite pointedly for him to walk away.

"Oh, right, I forgot that you could not _possibly_ help me look for Tai Lung while _untidy_. Luckily at least one of us has our priorities straight."

If she weren't so annoyed by his criticism, she would think it was cute that he was getting so frantic over Tai Lung's conspicuous absence. It also reminded her of how overprotective he could be, though she supposed a lot of parents with only one child might act the same way. "Relax, _Grassoccio_. I think I know where the kid is." She was willing to bet good money that he was currently sunning himself atop the barracks roof, maybe even listening to their entire conversation. "And besides, it's not a big deal if he wanders around the grounds on his own. Y'know, where I come from most kids his age would be out on their own all day, working their families' farms. When _I_ was his age I used to walk the five miles into town at sunrise every morning-"

"Enough with the flashbacks to the old country, Grandma," he interrupted, frowning at her. "I understand your point."

She managed not to snap back at him, though she _did_ roll her eyes. "Then I will change my clothes, and I will go talk to him."

"No," he argued immediately. "_I_ will go talk to him. Just tell me where he is."

"No," she argued right back.

"Why not?"

"Because it's his hiding place from you," she reasoned. "I can't blow his cover."

"Tai Lung has a place he uses specifically to hide from _me?_" He sounded rather abashed at the idea, though she didn't see why.

"Of course he does. Everyone's got a hiding place from their parents when they're growing up, it's only natural. Especially when their parents are neurotic freaks like you are."

"I am _not_ a neurotic freak," he insisted. "There is nothing wrong with worrying about my only child."

"There is when you do so to excess." She was getting annoyed that he wouldn't step aside so she could get into her room without worrying about him following her, so she just grabbed him by the collar and yanked him to the other side of the hallway. "Stay here," she ordered, and ignored his angry glare.

"You cannot hide that room from me forever," he called after her as she managed to slip inside without him seeing anything.

"Now isn't the time," she called back through her door as she began to strip down.

"And I can see your silhouette, by the way," he added, and she could only imagine the way he was blushing at just the idea of a naked woman within ten feet of him.

"Enjoy it while it lasts," she replied. "I really think I should talk to Tai Lung on my own, though, y'know. Last night when I told him I was leaving, he got really upset. And called me a bitch- you'd probably get more of a kick outta that if you weren't pissing your pants right now. But in any case, I'd like to try to smooth things out a little bit with him." She paused and waited for a response, but got none. "You're watching me undress, aren't you?"

"Wha- no! Of course not!" he protested immediately, sounding flustered.

"You're a terrible liar," she huffed as she pulled her pants up, then sidled back out her door as she pulled her shirt on. "There, now you got a better view."

"Oh my- what is wrong with you!" he grumbled, then covered his eyes. "You cannot step outside of the barracks half-naked like that!"

"Whatever," she dismissed, then headed for the door while she tied her belt. "And by the way, this might add to the farting thing in the not getting laid department." She then ran out before he would risk uncovering his eyes, and headed for that tree in the back of the building. Its foliage had thickened somewhat since the last time she'd climbed it, which made going more difficult than she had expected, but she managed to climb to the top without incident. And, as she had expected, Tai Lung was sitting on the roof, sulking. "Hey, how's about a little help?" she called out as she straddled the thin uppermost branch. "You and I both know I can't make it to the roof on my own."

He just turned to face away from her and hunched his shoulders.

"Or I could just shout at you from a tree. I won't feel like an insane person at all." She paused to shimmy a little closer to the roof. "Look, Tai Lung, I just wanna talk to you. I didn't mean to be insensitive last night, and I guess I was a little tipsy. It's just that it was so hard for me to... Y'know... Break the news."

"Right, wouldn't wanna make any of this hard on _you_," he grumbled over his shoulder.

"What, so you hate me now?" She waited for him to reply, but he just continued sulking. "Well, can't say I entirely blameya. I'm... I _am _a bitch. You're right." She paused again, hoping he would thaw a little and at least look at her, but no such luck. "Y'see... I really just... Well, I held off on saying something about it for so long 'cause I guess I wasn't so sure about leaving. I wanted to stay, even though I knew I couldn't. And I kept putting it off, telling myself I didn't have enough money to go or that you guys needed me or _some_ excuse. But in the end, I still hafta go." She let out a heavy sigh, as her speech made her realize that she needed to say out loud something she hadn't even been willing to admit to herself. "And sometimes, y'know, we gotta step back and take a good, long look at our lives... And realize that what we want isn't always what's gonna make us happy, in the long run." It hurt to say, but it was the truth. Even if she _could_ stay in the Valley of Peace, she could never be happy there. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," he grumbled, his tail swishing back and forth miserably. "You don't care about me anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She shimmied a little further up on the branch, but stopped when she felt it start to sink under her weight. "Of course I do, I just... I can't really stick around in China."

"That's not what I meant," he huffed, though he still refused to face her. "You care more about making out with Master Shifu than you ever did about me."

"Oh." She hadn't even noticed that Tai Lung had been feeling that way. "Wait- I mean _no_. No, I do _not_ care more about Shifu 'an I do about you. But, y'know, it's different when two adults got a romantic kinda relationship. It's more... Touchy-feely."

"Yeah, go touchy-feel yourself," he muttered under his breath.

"Hey!" Lin checked over her shoulder at the joint of the branch, then slid a bit closer. "I didn't complain last night when you started calling me names, but that's enough now."

"You deserve it!" he snapped, and finally turned around to glare at her. "I bet you didn't even realize last night that it was the first time since Master Shifu planted one on you that we got to hang out. I bet you wouldn't have cared even if you did though. All you did was get plastered and tell me life isn't fair."

"Well when you say it like that you make me sound like a huge-"

"Poophead."

She eyed him for a moment, surprised that somehow he'd been able to incorporate the word "plastered" into a vocabulary that also included "poophead." "I guess you could say that."

He turned his back to her again, hunching over. "I just did."

"You fight like an adult, y'know," she pointed out, because she honestly didn't have much to defend herself with. "Like more of an adult 'an your dad does, anyway."

"Go away," he replied. "I don't wanna see you, ever again."

"C'mon, Tai Lung, don't say something like that." She would have tried to get onto the roof, but she doubted the branch would last that long.

"Why not? _You_ don't care if you ever see _me_ again."

If she didn't know any better, she'd think she'd just heard him let out a quiet sniff. "That's not true," she protested gently. "Y'know, the only reason I even stayed here this long is 'cause of you. I woulda quit ages ago otherwise." She didn't think her impassioned plea was getting to him, so she went a bit further- she'd already said tons of stupid things in the past couple of days, so there was no point in keeping any of her sentiments bottled up anymore. "Anyway... If I woulda had a kid, I woulda liked him to turn out like you." "Yeah, right." He was being as stubborn as her and Shifu combined, not that she'd expected any different from him.

"Well... I got nothing left," she admitted. "I was telling the truth, with all that stuff. Anyway... I'll let you have some time to yourself. I'm sure I'm just getting annoying." She attempted to sidle back toward the more stable part of the branch she was perched on, but it creaked and shook ominously. She paused and waited for it to stop, then tried again- and heard a startling cracking noise, followed by the branch lurching beneath her. On instinct she grabbed hold of the branch as tightly as she could, and if her fur wasn't already on end, it would have been by then. "Um... I woulda just exited the conversation gracefully, but... I'm stuck." She attempted to reach the next nearest branch, but chickened out when she heard another crack. "Oh, God. This must be 'cause of all those cookies." She tried for the next branch over again, this time with her leg, but she just couldn't reach. "Are you even seeing this? I'm gonna fall. This is very precarious. To let you know."

"_Fine_," Tai Lung finally huffed and took a break from his pouting to leap adeptly into the tree, grab her, and carry her to the ground without so much as shaking a single branch. "And don't tell Master Shifu where I am." With that, he returned to his rooftop perch.

Lin reached down and rubbed her ass, which was sore from sitting on the thin branch, and frowned up at the barracks roof. She felt like she was in some sort of alternate universe- she and Tai Lung were fighting (mostly just Tai Lung), while Shifu was getting along quite well with her. At least her propensity for making a bad situation even worse still held true, which was an indicator that she was indeed in the correct universe. "Well. _That_ was humiliating."

* * *

Shifu drummed his fingers on the kitchen table as he waited for Lin to get back from... Wherever she'd gone. He could only assume that she'd run off to look for Tai Lung, though he sincerely hoped that she had done so fully dressed. He had basically had no choice but to wait for her, since she was so adamant about speaking to Tai Lung alone. And, since she would inevitably return to the kitchen no matter what, he had sat down in his regular seat and simply... Waited. He wasn't really hungry at the moment- how could he be when he knew that in a mere few days the woman he loved would be leaving him? And yet he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her, because he found himself simply wanting to enjoy what little time he had left. And, yes, he still held out hope that he had a chance of convincing her to stay.

"I knew you'd be in here," Lin commented as she practically burst through the doorway and dropped into her seat next to him.

He waited for her to continue speaking, but apparently that was all she had been planning to say to him. "...And what about Tai Lung?"

"Well, we had a nice pleasant chat," she replied, leaning back in her chair. "During which we surmised that he hates me forever and never wants to see me again."

"Ah. I see." He was not exactly sure what to say next; it was clear that Lin was upset over how angry Tai Lung was with her, but he still wanted to ask after his son. "Well... I am sure he will calm down. I remember plenty of times in my childhood when I hated Master Oogway forever. And Tai Lung has, of course, hated _me_ on more than one occasion. I am sure that once I talk to him-"

"Not happening any time soon," she interrupted. "He's hiding from you."

"...What?" He could hardly believe his ears; Lin was the one Tai Lung was mad at, and yet he found that _he_ was still the one his son avoided. "Is there any particular reason he is avoiding _me?_"

"No offense," she began, which of course meant that she was going to say something offensive, "but you're not exactly the most comforting person in the world."

"I can certainly comfort my son when the time comes! You act as though I am some sort of emotionally retarded oaf."

"Well..."

"Do not finish that." He rubbed at his temple to combat the pressure that had been building in his skull since Lin's drunken stupor of the previous night. "Why can't you just tell me where he is?"

"'Cause he said, and I quote: 'Don't tell Master Shifu where I am.' That was the last thing he said to me, actually." She reached up and rubbed at her eyes, and for a moment he thought she might have teared up, but upon closer inspection it was clear that she was just tired. "He'll come out of hiding sooner or later, and then you'll be able to talk to him. In the meantime, the kid needs to be alone."

"Well, did he at least speak to you? Did he tell you anything at all revealing?" After all, he was worried, and he wanted to know what was on Tai Lung's mind.

"Apparently he's not just mad at me for leaving." She let out a heavy sigh; whatever Tai Lung had said to her had apparently upset her. "He said... He said I care more about you 'an I do about him. And I haven't spent any time with him, really, since you and I... Y'know..." In lieu of attempting to define their relationship she just waved her hand around in the air in a vague gesture. "I didn't know kids his age even noticed that kinda stuff enough to feel like the third wheel, but there you go."

"Oh." He had to admit, he was also a bit taken aback by how observant and sensitive Tai Lung was. "I hadn't even noticed."

"Me neither." She frowned down at the table and crossed her arms. "I feel like such a horrible person."

"I am just as horrible," he pointed out. "I _am_ the boy's father, after all. I should have seen that something was wrong."

"To be fair, you don't really understand that kinda stuff in general," she reminded him. "_I_ shoulda noticed, I'm the kid's friend, after all."

"So we're both crappy," he concluded, then slumped down in his seat like Lin had been doing. He felt like the worst father in the world; had he really been ignoring his son because of his love life? He hadn't thought so at the time, but looking back he realized that he had been... Well, he'd been much less than attentive. In fact, he'd been downright distracted. He'd spent so much time thinking about Lin and how to talk to her and how to handle whatever fight they'd been in at the moment that he'd barely taken notice of anything else. "No wonder he hates us."

"He didn't say he hates _you_," she reassured him. "Although, he still could."

"If _I _am not exactly the most comforting person in the world, then I wonder what we could possibly call _you_," he huffed. "In moments like this, you have all the warmth and softness of an arctic glacier."

"Piss off," she replied immediately.

He wasn't actually offended by the sentiment- it was just one of her many fallbacks for when she couldn't think up a proper argument.

"And y'know what else?"

"Do I _want_ to know what else?" he asked.

"Screw it," she answered him, completely disregarding his hesitancy. "If I'm tired now, I'm gonna be like the walking dead in the next few days. So now's as good a time as any to tellya... I dunno. All that shit you wanted me to tellya."

Shifu blinked back at her, stunned. "...Really?" He couldn't believe that she'd just _volunteered_ to tell him whatever he wanted to know, with no prompting whatsoever. "This isn't a joke, is it?" He didn't think he would be able to take one of her long, drawn out jokes at his expense.

"Not unless you find my life funny- which I guess it could be, but that ain't the point." She paused to look at him, but he wasn't exactly sure of what to say, so he remained silent and gave her a confused shrug. "So you wanna know why it is that I won't let anyone see my room?" she asked, standing up from her seat.

"Yes," he agreed immediately, and stood up with her in the hopes that he would finally be able to see the mysterious contents of her bedroom.

"And you wanna know how it is a peasant such as myself learned to read and write?" she went on, not budging from where she stood.

"Absolutely." He glanced at the door and back to her, hoping she would get the hint and get to the point.

"I'm sure you've been curious, as well, as to how I've come across scholarly knowledge in various subjects." She _did_ always like to drag things out just to torture him. "And I know you're still wondering how I was able, even with a surge of adrenaline, to throw a table single-handed. Or why the use of my right hand and arm have been unusually important to me."

"_Yes_," he ground out, becoming impatient with the prospect of finally learning what he'd been waiting for since the day he'd met her.

"This is why you could never have a career in deduction. Each clue does not lead to a separate conclusion. Rather, all the clues lead to a single, all-encompassing explanation- one that you'd have easily discovered on your own if you were even half as observant as you like to think you are." She shot him a smug grin at that. Even after all they'd been through, she still felt the need to constantly test his patience.

"Well, I suppose we can't all be as perfect as you are," he grumbled sarcastically. "Are you ever planning to actually tell me this big secret? Or let me guess, there is no secret, you're actually just a very annoying cook."

She let out a bark of laughter at that. "Follow me."

She then headed out of the kitchen, and Shifu followed in silence, waiting to see if what little patience he had shown would be rewarded. It was.

Lin stopped outside the door of her bedroom, resting one hand on it, ready to open it, when she paused and turned to him. "Now don't get freaked out," she warned.

He blinked, surprised by that. What could possibly be in the room that would "freak him out?" The first thing that came to mind was a pile of dead bodies, but he was fairly sure he knew Lin better than that. "I won't," he promised after careful consideration.

"Okay." She took a deep breath and leaned forward as if to open the door, then stopped again. "I mean it. You might get freaked out by this, but there's a good explanation."

"Just _open the door_," he snapped; he realized belatedly that losing his patience might cost him the answers he so desperately craved, but she was luckily a bit more forgiving than usual.

"Shifu," she warned once and raised her eyebrows, as if he were a young child.

"Fine, I'm calm," he replied grudgingly. He normally would have argued, but he _needed_ to see what was in that room.

She continued to fix him with a skeptical stare for a few moments, then finally let out a heavy sigh and pushed the door open. She even stepped into the room and beckoned for him to follow.

What awaited him inside, however, was far from what he'd been expecting.

* * *

A/N: I know what you're thinking. And yes. Yes I _am_ a sadist. Also, apologies if I butchered Lin's Italian. It's been a few years since I took it, but I'm trying (slowly) to relearn. You may have noticed that this isn't the first time she's spoken Italian- remember "testa di melone," a.k.a. melon head? AND Lin's line about the jimson weed is a quote from Blanche Devereaux- the fic just wouldn't be the same without the Golden Girls references.

As for next time: you'll all find out what's in Lin's room! Of course, Oogway knew this entire time. But he won't rub it in your face or anything. He's cool like that.


	33. There is No Sincerer Love

A/N: Let's get this party started!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 33: There is No Sincerer Love Than the Love of Food

* * *

Shifu stared, shocked, as he _finally _took in the contents of Lin's bedroom. To say that what he saw before him had been unexpected would be an understatement. The only original surface of the room that was visible was a path on the floor leading from the door to the bed in the far right corner. The rest of the floor and walls were littered and plastered with various papers and scrolls. Some displayed the bold calligraphy he had first witnessed on the signs Lin had written for her vegetable garden, while others were drawings and paintings. An unfathomable amount of drawings and paintings, to be exact. And the subject of most of them appeared to be himself, Tai Lung, and Oogway.

He was dumbstruck by what he'd suddenly been surrounded with. Directly in front of him, hanging on the opposite wall, was an elegant scroll painting of Oogway practicing his morning tai chi underneath the peach tree. Absolutely covering the wall beside it were loose, almost abstract ink drawings of Tai Lung; after a moment of staring at them, he realized that the drawings were actually depicting him practicing his forms. Then there were the various drawings and small paintings of Shifu himself; he was particularly struck by a series of ink drawings that showed his usual progression from somewhat irritated to irrationally angry that usually occurred when he interacted with Lin in any way. Then, of course, there were mounds of both ink and watercolor paintings of the grounds of the Jade Palace and the village down below.

"Um," Lin interrupted his musing, sounding rather embarrassed. "I... Yeah."

"You did all of this?" he asked incredulously, turning to her.

A bright blush appeared beneath her fur, which, considering how much of it there was, was quite a feat. "I'm an artist." She then followed the statement with a shrug. "And, y'know, you guys've pretty much been the only models I've had, so don't get freaked out at all the... Y'know."

He could only stare at her for a couple of long moments. "Wait- how does that explain _everything?_" He was a little stumped in that area. While it _did_ explain her ability to read and write, he wasn't sure how the other things she'd mentioned factored in.

"I'm glad you asked." She straightened up a bit, taking on a somewhat haughty air. "Artists are not only expected to be knowledgeable in their own specific areas of expertise, but also in the other scholarly pursuits, such as, but not limited to: theology, philosophy, anatomy, medicine, literature, poetry, and current events." She paused to blow on her nails and rub them smugly on the front of her shirt. "Next, I am right-handed, and seeing as how an artist's hands are his livelihood, it's understandable that I'd be a bit over-protective. Lastly, there's the issue of the small amount of strength I happen to possess- among other things, I am a printmaker." She raised her eyebrows at him, apparently waiting for a response.

He tried not to betray the fact that he had no idea how printmaking factored into her ability to take on a full-grown crocodile, but failed.

"As a printmaker I frequently engrave large, hard, heavy blocks of wood and pieces of copper, and I've handled a printing press." she clarified. "And, if I'm lucky, I sometimes have access to smooth blocks of limestone, which vary in size and weight- the heaviest I've handled was about hundred and fifty pounds."

"Ah," he replied, completely out of his element.

"Granted, I _did_ struggle quite a lot with that huge block. And I kinda had some help. A little."

"Do you... Carve limestone?" he asked, for lack of a better response.

"Oh, _hell_ no. That'd be insane! And far too difficult. Y'see, a lotta times I've had to use stones for pressure on large printing blocks in place of a printing press, seeing as how rubbing techniques aren't as efficient or effective with larger surfaces. However, there's been this new practice spreading out west- in Europe- of drawing an image in oil-based medium on the stone, and then you spread this mixture of gum arabic and nitric acid on top, which creates, y'know, a hydrophilic layer on the non-image surface that doesn't accept the printing ink, and then you use turpentine to remove any excess grease from your drawing tool. Anyway, you gotta keep the stone wet when you're printing, and you roll your oil-based printing ink over the stone- naturally, water and oil repel each other- and then put some paper on top, and if you have a press you run it through the press of course, but if you don't you gotta use a stone of equal size and weight. That transfers the ink from the stone to the paper. So then you repeat that process for each color you want in the image and then you're done, simple as pie!"

Shifu just stared blankly back at her. He had absolutely no idea what she'd just said to him.

"I could explain wood engraving versus copper, if you want," she added. "And then there's _etching_-"

"No thank you!" he replied quickly. "That's... Quite enough." He once again swept his gaze over the artwork filling the room. "Are any of these...?"

"Nope, no prints." She sounded a little disappointed when she said so. "It's easier to keep painting and drawing under wraps... And besides, I think I was due for a break from printmaking, at least for a little while. I mean, you generally print a drawing or a painting to begin with, so there might be something in here I can use. Anyway, printmaking's not all I been trained in. Chen taught me all about Zen ink painting, and I think _that's_ pretty fun."

"Wait- Chen?" Shifu thought he might faint if she revealed any more startling secrets. "As in _the_ Master Chen, the Master Chen whose painting of Master Flying Rhino is hanging in the Hall of Heroes, the old friend of Master Oogway, the Master of Kung Fu and Zen scholar- _that_ Master Chen?"

"Yep," she replied simply.

"I need to sit down."

In response, Lin just pointed to the crumpled pile of sheets and pillows in the corner of the room that made up her bed.

He made his way along the narrow pathway between reams of paper and sat heavily onto one of the larger pillows, slouching forward as he absorbed all of the information he'd just been given (excluding the incomprehensible explanation of printmaking techniques). The most mind-boggling part of it all was that he knew that this was just the tip of the iceberg, so to say. "This is absolutely not what I was expecting," he admitted. "Not even close."

"I know." Her tone of voice was much gentler than he'd have ever thought possible. "This is why I stay up all night, every night. It's what I love. What I live for, more like." She dropped down next to him on the bed, rearranging the pillows around her until she was practically ensconced. "Every moment, day or night, that I spend not making art is a waste. You feel that way about kung fu, right?"

He blinked back at her. "Well, not _every_ moment..." He assumed she was exaggerating.

But maybe not. She looked momentarily guilty, then grunted and leaned back against the drawings she'd affixed to the wall.

"You're wrinkling them," he pointed out.

"I know," she replied. "The first thing an artist learns to do is to never see anything as precious."

The phrase struck him as very telling, and it gave him a rather sour taste in his mouth. What, exactly, did she mean by 'anything'? Had she been implying that she saw everything in her life as disposable, even people? Even him? "And you follow that guideline often?"

"Yeah," she huffed, looking away from him. "I try, at least." She rested her hands on her knees, tapping her fingers. "Look, don't even think about trying to say something sappy, 'cause it's not gonna get to me."

"Oh, I wasn't going to." He couldn't keep the stiffness out of his voice. "I was just wondering if you ever cared about any of us at all." He might have been overreacting, but he didn't know how else he was supposed to take her comment.

Lin turned to look at him again, her brow furrowed. Then, she sighed heavily and let her shoulders droop a bit. "I know that if I said 'no,' this'd be a whole lot easier for you. But I can't." Then, before he had a chance to react, she reached out and grabbed him by the collar, then pulled him into a kiss. It was a short one, but when she pushed him back again she told him her most shocking secret yet. "I... I love you."

His eyes grew wide at the admission, and if she hadn't still been holding him by the collar he would have fallen over. His mouth had suddenly become very dry, and while he would have liked more time to absorb the profound statement, the look in her eyes told him that she wasn't letting him go until he gave some kind of answer. "You're welcome," he blurted out unthinkingly, and then inwardly groaned. He'd only said something because she'd been waiting for a response; he hadn't given any consideration to what he was actually going to say to her. The result was a disaster.

She pushed him as far away as her arms would stretch, then let go of his robes. "Yeah, that sounds about right," she answered flatly, then stood up and brushed herself off.

He didn't want her to walk away from the moment with the impression that he'd given, and he jumped to his feet, ready to block the door if necessary. "Wait- I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," she interrupted, scratching behind her ear. "I didn't say that 'cause I wanted to hear it back. I said it 'cause I don't like to live with regrets. And if I left here without saying... That... I woulda regretted it." She shrugged, as if it were no big deal. "No hard feelings."

"But the thing is-"

"No," she once again interrupted. "Really. It's fine."

"You don't understand-"

"I _said_ it's fine," she cut in, which made Shifu want to scream.

He kept trying, though. "_Listen_ to me-"

But she just wouldn't let him finish, and to top it off she even sounded annoyed with him. "How many times do I gotta say it's fine?"

"_I love you, too!_" he snapped, throwing his arms up in frustration. "If you would just let me get a word in edgewise, I would have told you by now!"

Lin stared at him, blinking, then narrowed her eyes at him, apparently skeptical of his confession. "Really?" she prodded. "Or are you just saying that to make me feel better?"

"Really!" And he meant it, even though he wished that he could throttle her at the moment.

She continued to stare at him, this time an expression of complete puzzlement on her face. "You love me?"

"Yes!" He wasn't sure how much more he could take. "I love you!"

"...Oh." She still seemed floored by the idea that he returned her feelings, but then a slow smile spread across her face. "You're welcome."

"Now sit down," he grumbled, crossing his arms. He didn't see why everything needed to be so difficult with her.

Amazingly, she sat back down where she'd been on her bed without argument. "So..." she started, but didn't say anything else.

He cleared his throat, aware of the awkward tension in the air as he sat down next to her. He wasn't sure what to say next, himself, so instead he opted for wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her up against his side.

She didn't struggle or complain, and even leaned in to kiss him again. When she pulled away she was blushing prettily, and shyly turned her eyes to the floor; if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he wouldn't have believed it. "I'm not sure what's next," she sighed. "I mean, I'm still leaving..."

"What?" He blinked back at her, stunned. "You're _still_ leaving, even though you have a home here, even though we just established that we are in love? You are still leaving?"

She just nodded.

"But _why?_" He'd thought that her love confession might have been a sign that she'd begun to change her mind, but apparently he'd been wrong. And he still didn't see why she felt such a need to leave the Valley of Peace, anyway; she was an artist, not a bandit or a murderer.

"I've been sentenced to death," she replied evenly. "By hanging or decapitation, one of those."

He had to admit that it was actually a pretty good reason. But it still left the question: _why_ had she been sentenced to death? "I'm still not following you."

"I, uh... Well, it's for high treason. Against the Emperor and all." She looked rather sheepish, as if she were admitting to having eaten the last of their peaches rather than admitting to having committed high treason. "And a few other charges."

"Like what?" he asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice. He wasn't surprised that she had broken the law; that much had been a given from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her. But _high treason?_

"Well, uh... Five more counts of treason... Three counts of conspiracy against the Emperor... Thirty-seven _known_ violations of censorship laws... Fourteen counts of slander... Uh... Assault of an Imperial officer... Oh, and I'm pretty sure that time I broke outta jail is still on my record. There's, uh, some more stuff... But I can't really think of it right now."

He finally let go of her to slap his hand to his forehead. "There's _more!_"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "You're taking this really well. Thanks for that." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, and even smiled at him.

"Why are you smiling!" he snapped. "This is horrible news!"

"I know, but I'm still stuck on the whole 'you love me' thing. Besides, that execution order is old news to me. I was on my way outta the country already before I stopped in the Valley. I got robbed, y'see, by some of those crocodile bandits- small world, I know- and they took all my money, all my food, almost everything. So I figured I'd stop in the nearest village and save up. When I got to the Thread of Hope, I just thought it was a regular bridge- I mean, I'd hearda the Valley, but I'd always figured it was just a myth or something. Then the bridge kept going... And going... I thought I was gonna die on that damn bridge by the time I made it into the Valley. But I didn't, and here I am."

"I still don't understand," he replied, shaking his head. "How could you have such a criminal record? And you have been to _jail?_" He was flummoxed by these new revelations.

"Twice," she corrected. "Chen bailed me out the first time."

"Right," he muttered. "Of course. One of the most esteemed masters of kung fu Oogway has ever trained bailed you out of jail." He leaned back against the wall, but then quickly lurched forward again when he remembered that there were drawings there. "But... You are an artist. What did you _do_ to break so many laws? Weren't you busy... I don't know, drawing fruit and such?"

She actually glared at him for asking that question. "Don't you realize how influential artists- printmakers in particular- can be on the general public?"

"I suppose not."

"Well, I spoke out a lot against the Empire, its unfair laws, the widening gap between the rich and the poor, the complete lack of labor laws, and, well, just about everything. And of course I used printmaking to do so. Prints have always had a huge effect on public opinion, since most people can't read or write. Everyone can look at a picture and get the general message, though. I organized rallies, protests, things like that, too. A lotta people knew me back in Shanghai-"

"I _knew_ it!" he interrupted, unable to contain his excitement at having been right about at least one aspect of her past. "I knew you'd been to Shanghai!"

"I lived there for five years," she easily supplied. "First I lived with Chen- actually, before that I lived on the streets. Then Chen took me in, and I lived with him for a little over a year, then I became Wei-Shan's apprentice-"

"Master Wei-Shan?" he repeated incredulously. He was half-expecting her to drop Master Flying Rhino's name next, the way she was going. "As in, Master Chen's student?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, furrowing her brow at his utter shock. "What?"

"You- you _lived_ with two kung fu Masters! Two _prominent_ kung fu masters! Master Chen himself has faced down _entire armies_. He has wielded the Invisible Trident of Destiny, he has _split mountains_, Lin. _In half_. With his _chi!_" He momentarily gripped his head as he thought of not only how Lin had lived with such a legend with absolutely no idea of who he was, but also of how disrespectful she had probably been.

"He did _not_ split a mountain in half," she scoffed, disbelieving.

"I _saw _him split that mountain in half! I _watched_ him do it!" He had been quite young at the time, and had only just been declared a master himself. He hadn't even grown his whiskers yet. "And do not even get me started on when he defended the Great Wall from invading Huns."

"Okay, I won't."

"That was when he let me use the Sword of Heroes. I didn't even ask, he just _gave_ it to me! I was only nineteen at the time, I barely even knew what to do with it. And then he-"

"Alright, can you please try to contain your huge boner for Chen for a second?" she huffed, apparently annoyed. "If I knew you were such a fan, I woulda kept my mouth shut. And I still don't believe you about the mountain. The man is old as dirt- and _tiny_."

"When it comes to kung fu, size does not matter," he informed her. He still remembered how stunned he'd been, though, upon first meeting Chen; the man was a jerboa, dwarfed even by Shifu. "I still cannot believe you actually _lived_ with Master Chen in his _house_."

"Please don't geek out again." She warily leaned away from him, as if his enthusiasm might physically injure her. "So you know Chen and Wei-Shan, I take it?"

"Just Master Chen," he corrected. "I have never met Master Wei-Shan, though I have heard that he honed his eyesight so well that he is able to see a single hair on the back of a fly from across a crowded room."

"Not anymore, he ain't," she contradicted immediately. "He suffers from eye disease, probably something genetic. The guy's glasses are thicker 'an a bull's cock."

"Wow." Through some miracle, he managed not to conjure up a mental picture at her declaration. "Thank you for that."

"Well, I'm just saying." She shrugged as if unconcerned, but she was clearly amused by how bothered he'd been by her comparison.

"I still have a lot of questions for you, by the way."

"Well, go ahead, I guess." Lin reached underneath her backside and yanked out a piece of paper, took a look at it, then shrugged and tossed it aside. "I don't really got anything else to hide."

"For starters, how is it that you know _nothing_ about kung fu?" That one had stumped him. If she came out and said she knew kung fu already, he might just have a heart attack. "Or do you?"

"_No_, I don't." She laughed at the suggestion. "I was apprenticed to Chen and Wei-Shan as an _artist_, why would they wanna teach me kung fu? Besides, their true passion was art. I mean, Oogway told me that even after Chen became a kung fu master, he wasn't happy. He wanted to learn to paint. So he did!" She was acting as if it were the most average thing in the world to have been under the tutelage of Master Chen. "And Wei-Shan was really low key. Kinda kept to himself a lot, y'know." Surprisingly, she blushed a little bit as she spoke. "He was very handsome, too. For a raccoon dog."

He tried hard not to feel jealous, but he failed. "But I bet he does not know the Wuxi finger hold," he grumbled.

"Well how would I know? I never slept with him." Lin, of course, had no idea what he was talking about.

"Right." He supposed he should just drop the subject. Besides, there was something else he was curious about. "I remember hearing of another student of Wei-Shan's. You recall our discussion of the riots in Shanghai- and Quan- don't you?"

"Ahah. That." She cleared her throat uncomfortably at the mention of the young man's name.

"You knew Quan, then." It had not been a question. Shifu also recalled Lin having mentioned Quan's apparent status as a ladies' man. "Was he the one you were engaged to?"

She stared back at him, blinking. "...You're still clueless, aren't you?"

He had no idea what she meant by that. "Is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?"

"No!" For some reason, she seemed amused again. "But you could say I knew him pretty intimately."

"Intimately? What do you mean by that? I thought _I_ was your first kiss!" He knew she was enjoying torturing him, but he couldn't keep his jealousy under control.

Of course, she just laughed at Shifu. "Oh, you were. I _have_ seen Quan naked, though."

"Will you stop it already?" he snapped. "Why must you constantly torture me? Were you or were you _not_ involved with Quan?"

She laughed at him again. "You're ridiculous. I _am_ Quan."

Shifu stared at her in shock. Then, of course, he blurted out something he instantly regretted saying. "You're a _man?_"

"_No_ I'm not a _man!_" she snapped, hitting him in the arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"But how- what- you are _really_ Quan?"

"That's right. And take it from a ladies' man, you really don't got game. Not even a little." Of course she would take whatever opportunity she could to make fun of him.

"How could you be a ladies' man? You are a woman."

"I was over-compensating."

He rolled his eyes at the joke. "I cannot believe this. _Why_ would you ever pretend to be a man?"

"Well, for two reasons," she replied matter-of-factly. "Men get jobs outside of prostitution, and men generally don't get raped unless they're gay or in prison. Or both, I guess."

"I suppose that's a good point," he conceded.

"Men _do_ get the shit beat outta them, though. Y'wanna know how many times I been shanked?" She actually seemed _excited_ to tell him, as if it were some sort of accomplishment.

"Not particularly." There were more important things he wanted to know about. "What I really want you to tell me is... Well, everything. For instance, what happened to you that you were so afraid of... of..."

She seemed to get his point, though. "I used to be kinda... Scared of men, up until I _was_ one. Well, not literally a man. But even then I was afraid of being found out. I used to think, 'All these men are my friends right now, but what would they do to me if they found out I was a woman?'"

Shifu reached out and placed a comforting hand on her back, since he had no idea what to say to her.

Luckily, she had no problem with continuing her story. "Well, there _was_ Vino. He was the first man who ever treated me like I was worth more 'an a chunk of dirt, but I'd thought he was the exception."

"You mean the one who used to drunkenly threaten to kill you?"

"Oh, it was just a joke." She punched him in the arm for his interruption. "Then Chen took me in, when I was in Shanghai. He was the first good man I'd met since Vino, and he taught me that there're just as many good men out there as there're bad men." The way she talked about Chen made him sound, well- gentle and kind.

Yet Shifu knew from experience that Chen was about as kind and gentle as a porcupine with a bad rash. In fact, the knowledge that Lin had lived with the man explained _a lot_. "...You're still talking about the same Chen, right?"

"Of course I am." She frowned at him, apparently confused. "Why?"

"Nothing, it's just that... Chen was nice to you?" He had trouble believing that; even after the old master had given him the Sword of Heroes, Shifu would have needed an abacus the size of the Great Wall to count the number of times the man had threatened to kick his ass.

Lin let out a bark of laughter at the question. "Nice? _Chen?_ Hell no! But I never said he was _nice_, I said he was _good_. There's a difference. I remember he had this little walking stick he used to whack me upside the head all the time- the thing was so small it felt like a bee sting. And he would wake me up at the crack of dawn by splashing ice cold water on me and telling me to get my lazy ass outta bed."

"That sounds about right." There was still so much she had yet to tell him, though. "But how did you end up on the streets of Shanghai in the first place? Why did you leave? What about-"

"Alright, alright," she interrupted, then stood up with a quiet groan. "That's enough for now. I'll tellya my whole autobiography, but not on an empty stomach. Besides, you should check to see if Tai Lung's gone over to the training hall yet, and _I_ need to give this thing to Oogway." She nodded toward the scroll painting of Master Oogway in the midst of his morning tai chi.

"You painted that for Master Oogway?"

"Yeah, he asked me to. I'd say he commissioned it, but I refused to let him pay me. Seems like a stupid idea now that I could use the money, though." She raised her eyebrows at him, then reached down and gave him a light smack on the head. "Get up."

"There is no need to abuse me," he huffed, pushing himself to his feet. "I am on my way." He followed her to her bedroom door, a bit disappointed that he wouldn't be able to sate his curiosity all in one go. He wondered, as he opened the door, how she- "Ack!"

"Yargh!" Lin practically jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly enough to choke him.

Master Oogway blinked down at them, a vaguely puzzled expression on his face. "I apologize for the scare. Am I... Interrupting something?"

"Only my heartbeat," she grumbled, finally loosening her grip on Shifu's neck enough to allow him to catch his breath. "What're you doing, you _creeper?_"

As much as he wished Lin would speak to his master with more respect, Shifu had to agree with the sentiment. "I am sure you were looking for Lin, Master, so I will just leave you two be." He managed to pry her off of him, though with considerable effort.

Oogway held up a hand to stop him from leaving. "There is no need, old friend. I am glad to have found the two of you together."

"You are?" he asked, casting a sideways glance at Lin; she didn't appear to know what the old turtle was getting at either. "But... Why?"

"As you both know, I dedicate a certain amount of time to keeping in touch with old friends." It was clear from Oogway's tone of voice that whatever news he had for them was not good. "One or two of those old friends hold positions in the imperial court. And they have casually reported to me that a recent concern is the unexpectedly high number of criminals with execution orders on their heads who have yet to be arrested."

Lin, of course, immediately began acting like a lunatic. "I _toldya_ they were after me!" she snapped at Shifu. "I'm outta here!" She was about to head back into her room, presumably to get her things, but Shifu reached out and grabbed her by the tail to stop her.

"It is good to know that you react calmly in a crisis," he grumbled, watching as she futilely attempted to escape his grasp.

"There is no need for anyone to panic," Oogway reassured them, though he had certainly waited long enough to do so. "While said issue has sparked some discussion recently, nothing has been done about it yet. And, knowing how much red tape there is involved in politics, nothing will be done for some time. I thought that it would be worth mentioning, regardless of the outcome."

"They'll never take me alive!" Lin continued to panic.

"Well that is the idea, isn't it?" Shifu shot back, rolling his eyes at her ridiculous reaction. Still, Master Oogway's news was disheartening, to say the least. If he'd had even the slightest chance of convincing her to stay in the valley, it was probably long gone now. "And I am sure that you will be fine. You have escaped execution before, haven't you? How did you escape Shanghai?"

"I dove into the ocean in the middle of a raging storm," she answered, which did not help at all. "I wasn't expecting to survive that, though. Remember the story I toldya about almost drowning?"

"Unfortunately." There were a lot of things about Lin that had surprised him, but somehow he was in no way shocked by the notion that she would dive into the ocean in the midst of a deadly storm rather than be arrested and executed.

"That reminds me!" She had calmed down from her moment of sheer panic, but of course Lin at her calmest was enough to give Shifu a heart attack. "Oogway, I got your thingy. And _you-_" she paused to slap Shifu in the stomach- "let go of me!"

"Yes'm," he grumbled, releasing her tail in favor of rubbing at his stomach; she had hit him rather hard, and while she wasn't the strongest woman in the world she certainly wasn't the weakest, either.

"Ah, young love," his master sighed at the display of violence. "Truly there is nothing more beautiful in this world."

"I am beginning to think you have hit your head one too many times," he replied.

"Here it is!" Lin emerged from the explosion of paper that was her room and shoved the rolled up scroll at Oogway. "Just promise me you won't ever show that to anyone who knows anything about art; I don't want people thinking I'm some pansy portrait painter."

"Yes, I am sure that you will be much prouder of your legacy as a perplexingly pinheaded pain-in-the-butt," Shifu interjected. "Not to mention a cantankerous carping crow."

"Blow it out your ass," she snapped.

Oogway cleared his throat to gain their attention, which Shifu was remiss to admit was focused mainly on insulting each other. "I suppose I should leave the two of you alone before I get caught in the crossfire."

"Sorry," they both muttered in unison, and Shifu felt (and not for the first time since he'd met Lin) like a child.

"No apologies needed," he dismissed congenially, and turned to go. "After all, your time together is limited. But next time, do try to keep the foreplay private." He then walked away, leaving them to stand in Lin's doorway in embarrassed silence.

Shifu decided he should say something to dissolve the tension his master's parting jab had caused, so he let out a weak, fake-sounding laugh. "Well, imagine that."

"No," she replied shortly. "And this ain't the time to talk about sex."

"I wasn't-"

"Go check on Tai Lung," she interrupted, then headed for the kitchen. "I'm gonna start some breakfast. Oh, and can you grab my grocery list from my room? Thanks." She, too, disappeared before he had time to respond.

He glanced back into the massive piles of paper in her room, weighing his options. He had a better chance of finding Tai Lung than that grocery list, and to be honest he didn't want Lin to go shopping without him. He was too afraid that she'd decide to leave the valley, despite her protests that she would never do so without first saying goodbye. While her reaction to Master Oogway's news had been comical, there had been a genuine paranoia to it as well.

He took a deep breath as he headed out onto the grounds; on the bright side, things couldn't get much worse. He'd already dealt with a drunken Lin, so he was certain that he would be able to handle an upset Tai Lung. And if he could not... At least Lin was making breakfast.

* * *

There was not enough sugar in the world to make Lin feel better, but she had still put considerable effort into consuming as much as possible. The breakfast she'd made had consisted of fruit, honey, oats, and of course cinnamon. And she'd scarfed down two portions as if her life had depended on it. Maybe it was about time for her to try to reign herself in; she knew that she was something of a stress eater, and if she didn't slow down she was going to end up passing out from all the sugar. Still, she'd baked a whole lot of almond cookies as of late and if _someone _didn't eat them, they'd get stale. As she pulled her cookie jar from the back of the spice cabinet, she contemplated the recent turn of events; mainly, her confession of love to Shifu.

She _still_ couldn't believe that he'd said it back. She wasn't going to stay because of it, of course. The only thing different was that it was just that much more depressing to leave. And, of course, she hadn't expected him to love her. That was the last thing she'd ever expected. Even more unexpected than that was... She believed him. She trusted him, of course, but she also trusted that he knew himself well enough to understand his own feelings, something that had not come easily to her. She still didn't quite believe him when he said that she was attractive, but maybe he just thought so because he loved her.

Then she also had Tai Lung to think about. As much as she wanted to get the hell out of China before it was too late, she also didn't want to leave the valley before patching things up with him. She just couldn't stand the idea of leaving on such bad terms with the kid. Maybe she could bribe him with cookies... If she didn't stuff them all down her gaping maw first.

"How many cookies do you even eat in an average day?" Shifu had snuck up behind her, and she jumped a little as he reached over her shoulder and took a cookie from her jar. "Is this what you made for breakfast?"

"No," she grumbled, then gestured over her shoulder at the pot on the stove. "That's breakfast there. You like oats? Wait, don't answer that. I don't care."

"Yes you do," he accused. "And I do like oats. Quite a bit, actually." He grabbed himself a bowl while she nibbled on a cookie in an attempt to not finish off the entire jar.

"So where's Tai Lung?"

"I couldn't find him," he admitted sheepishly. "Nor could I find your grocery list."

"That's okay," she sighed, staring down at her empty bowl. "I wasn't gonna go shopping today, anyway. To be honest, I don't really wanna do anything at all today."

"Depressed?" He sat down next to her and sniffed at his oats, then took a tentative bite.

"Kinda," she admitted. "I spend most of my time thinking about... I dunno. About leaving. And then I start to think how hard it's gonna be to be on my own again. And how I'm gonna miss you guys. And-"

"Please stop using the word 'and,'" he interrupted. "I am glad that you have come to care for all of us enough to miss us, but that does not warrant your excessive use of conjunctions."

"What about 'I love you' didn't you understand?" She gave him a poke in the side, smiling when he batted her hand away.

"Must you always prod me like one of your horrific curries?" he huffed, but she could tell that he wasn't actually annoyed.

"As long as you continue to irritate me with your invasive questions, I will continue to treat you like my personal punching bag." She pinched his cheek for good measure.

"Speaking of invasive questions-" he paused to take a bite of his oats- "when are you leaving?"

She hadn't actually considered that. Well, she had figured that she would be leaving _soon_, but she had never pinpointed an exact time. "Uhm... Considering Oogway's news, I should try to leave as soon as possible." Even though she had been there for three months already, she found herself wishing that she had more time. "Tomorrow is too soon. I need some time to, y'know, prepare for a long journey." And some time to patch things up with Tai Lung. "So... Day after tomorrow?"

He stared back at her a moment, then set his spoon down. "...Are you asking me?"

"No, why would I ask you?" She realized that she had been a little short with him in her answer, but she doubted he would take it personally.

"I just... I suppose I had hoped that it was your way of asking me if I want you to stay. And if you ever wonder... The answer to that question will always be yes." He then grabbed a cookie and shoved it into his mouth, though she doubted it was because he still felt hungry.

She found herself blushing, despite her annoyance at his persistence in asking her to stay. "That's sweet of you to say," she admitted while she contemplated kissing him for it. She decided to hold off, though. "Look, let's not talk about that stuff right now. After spending a night in your bed, I feel like I'm gonna pass out and to be honest it's depressing enough just to think about. Having to talk about it so much makes me wanna just... Crawl into bed."

"I see- wait a minute. What did that crack about my bed mean?" He narrowed his eyes at her, back to his old uptight tricks.

"It meant that your bed is about as comfortable as a rock on a cold night," she replied, then got up to make some tea; while she was exhausted, she knew already that she had too much on her mind to settle in for a nap. "Not to mention your snoring. It didn't wake me up, but I'll bet I didn't have the most peaceful sleep in the world." She grabbed two cups, because she knew he would want some, despite how he might grouse.

"My bed is just fine," he huffed. "And I most certainly do not snore. And even if I _were_ to snore, it would not be half as bad as your drooling. Sleeping with you is like having a leaky bucket next to me in bed. In fact, last night I rolled over into a puddle of _your_ spit, and that _did_ wake me up."

She snorted at the story; she wouldn't doubt it, especially considering how drunk she'd gotten right before bed, as well. She always drooled more when she was drunk.

"It is not funny. It got in my eye."

She _did _laugh at that, leaning against the counter as she had a good chuckle as his expense; she felt like it had been way too long since the last time she had done that.

"Fine, laugh." He watched her, his arms crossed, before imparting more tidbits to her about the previous night. "You also said, 'Hibbity hibbity hibbity, dirt,' in your sleep. Then you put your hand down your pants, and punched me in the groin when I tried to pry it back out so that you would awake with at least a smidgen of dignity. I wasn't going to tell you all of those embarrassing things, but you have forced my hand."

She just laughed even harder. "I nailed you in the nads _again?_ What're the chances?"

"With you, they are very high."

"Oh well," she dismissed with one last snort. "One can't be held accountable for the things one does in one's sleep." She poured her hot water into a teapot to steep- she'd chosen oolong, partly because it was a nice, strong tea and partly because she knew Shifu liked it.

"I should hope not," he shot back. "I think I might start to look at you differently if I knew you _voluntarily_ drooled all over the place while cupping your crotch."

"If I _did_ do such a thing voluntarily it would only be because I'd been overcome with desire for you, you veritable powerhouse of masculinity," she teased, then poured a cup of tea for each of them and joined him back at the kitchen table.

"It is funny because it is true." He sipped at his tea, then raised his eyebrows at her, surprised. "Just oolong this morning? No culinary flair to brighten my day?"

"Hibbity hibbity hibbity, dirt," she replied, then took a gulp of her own tea.

"Oh, hibbity to you, too," he grumbled.

She grinned at his comeback, then tugged at his mustache, which was her way of asking him to kiss her without actually having to ask him to kiss her. True, she could have just kissed him herself, but to be perfectly honest it wasn't as fun. There was just something about having him initiate things and take control of the situation that she liked. Not that she would want him to act that way _all _of the time (which he did, actually, but he usually calmed down once she yelled at him enough). It was different with intimate things, though. It wasn't that she didn't want to have to think or put in any effort (she put in quite a bit of effort to her kissing, actually)- she just found that it was... Well, a bit of a turn-on. She remembered reading somewhere that people with dominant personalities often acted out submissive fantasies in their romantic lives, so she supposed she was one of those. Still, it wasn't as if she couldn't get her jollies from being in charge, too.

Shifu suddenly pulled away from the kiss and narrowed his eyes at her. "You are contemplating something," he pointed out.

"...What?"

"Whenever you are feeling pensive, you stop kissing me back. And you open your eyes and _stare_ at me. It's very rude- not to mention creepy." He winced a little bit as he apparently pictured the scene in his head.

"Sorry." She wasn't about to tell him about how much she liked his assertiveness; his head would grow bigger than a pumpkin, and she'd never be able to deflate it. "I was just imagining you naked." Technically, _that_ was true, too.

He immediately turned bright red at the declaration. "Y-you were?"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "It was hilarious."

"I don't know why I even listen to you in the first place." His blush disappeared and he scowled at her, clearly disappointed by the setup.

"Oh, calm down." She _did_ wonder, though, whether he had yet to give the topic of sex any serious thought, especially after her decision to leave in a mere two days. She knew very well that it was a tradition in most romantic fiction for a couple to make love under the moonlight or something equally as saccharine the night before an impending separation, and while most of the time she could only guess what he was thinking, she was certain it would have crossed his mind. If such a thing had crossed _her_ mind, then it definitely would have crossed his. "It occurs to me that we have never done something that I believe is imperative to all relationships." She may as well just come out and tell him what had been at the back of her mind since she'd woken up in bed with him that morning. After all, their situation really couldn't get much worse.

"And what is that?" He didn't sound like he was taking her seriously, which she understood; a line like that would be a good setup for a joke.

"We've never had a sincere discussion about sex." She waited for him to respond, but he just blinked back at her, apparently shocked.

"...Why would we do that?" he finally asked.

"Because it's healthy!" she snapped. "It's a big step and it deserves to be talked about!"

"Sex is not something you talk about," he argued, which she had to admit she should have seen coming. "Sex is something you _do_."

"Oh, like you're so much more of an expert 'an I am?" she shot back, determined to win the argument. "When's the last time you made anyone other 'an yourself orgasm?"

"That is none of your business! And as I said, sex is not something that should be openly discussed." He could be such a stubborn old man, sometimes.

"You're just embarrassed," she accused. "You're too much of an uptight prude to even _think_ about sex without blushing. Even Oogway thinks so!"

"If you were trying to both humiliate and disgust me, you have succeeded," he grumbled, then took refuge in his tea. "I don't discuss it with you every time I kiss you, so why should I talk to you about sex?"

She could see that logic was not going to get to him, so she switched tactics. "'Cause it's important to me."

"Do not even _think _about making me feel bad." He glared at her, though she could tell from his agitation that her more emotional approach was already having an effect.

"Well, it's true," she replied, then cradled her own tea against her chest and slumped a little in her seat; she'd learned that he responded well to body language that conveyed vulnerability. "I know that compared to you I'm charmingly spontaneous-" she caught him rolling his eyes at that, but continued- "but this is different. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I just want to get this one thing off my chest. You wouldn't even have to talk back, you'd only have to listen. I guess that's asking too much, though." She waited for him to cave, and was rewarded by a gentle hand on her arm, which she immediately shook off.

Then, finally, he sighed. "Very well. I know I am going to regret this, but... What did you want to tell me?" He took a long gulp from his tea, probably in an attempt to hide his face in case he blushed. He should have known better by then, though.

She dove right in, before she missed her chance. "Well to start off, I been thinking a lot about sex lately."

Shifu began coughing loudly on his tea, which she had been hoping for.

"Actually, to be honest, I been thinking a lot about sex since puberty slammed into me at the tender age of eleven, but that ain't the point."

He was starting to turn bright red again, too.

"The point is, I been thinking about it. Specifically, I been thinking about you and me doing it."

He nearly fell out of his chair at that one, and she was pretty sure that he stopped breathing.

"You okay?" She supposed she should stop just to make sure she hadn't killed him.

"Yes," he managed to wheeze out. "Please, go on."

"Anyway," she continued, watching him carefully for another completely ridiculous reaction, "I know you probably been thinking it, too. Obviously, though, you haven't brought it up because you're too uptight to talk about it. And let's face it, there ain't a lotta women my age who're still virgins, and most of 'em are either nuns or married to gay men. Extremely gay men."

He actually calmed down enough to speak regularly for a moment, and he said something remarkably sweet, to boot. "Well, I would never want to make you feel pressured to do something you are not ready for."

"See, it's shit like that that makes me wanna screw you," she pointed out. "Who even _says_ that kinda stuff?"

"...So you are attracted to me because you find me ridiculous?" he asked slowly.

"Yeah, I thought you knew that already." She gave him a punch on the arm, but somehow she sensed that he was not even a little bit pleased. "Okay, what's the problem?"

"Oh, nothing," he huffed like a jilted housewife. "I am just being my usual ridiculous self."

"Calm down," she replied, and resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him. "I like you 'cause you make me laugh. And just 'cause you make me laugh doesn't mean there ain't other stuff I like about you. For one, you're just about the most honest person I ever met. But you're making me digress- I ain't trying to talk about your _good _points, I'm trying to talk about sex."

"Thank you for that," he grumbled sarcastically, slumping down in his seat a bit. Still, he seemed intrigued. "...So what about sex did you want to discuss?"

"You're probably not gonna like this," she sighed, and she really hoped he didn't start a fight with her. "Like I said, I been thinking about it a lot, and... And I came to the conclusion that..." She didn't even want to say it out loud, but she had to. "I don't think we should have sex."

"Oh," he said, blinking back at her.

"It's not that I don't wanna," she reassured him- she didn't want him getting all butt-hurt because he thought she meant she wasn't attracted to him or anything. "I mean, I like the kissing and... And everything. And sometimes I maybe kinda... Aww, never mind."

"No, go on," he prompted, his mouth turning up into a small smile. "What do you maybe kind of?"

"I don't wanna inflate your already swollen head," she grumbled, crossing her arms; what she had been about to say was just too embarrassing, and she couldn't bring herself to actually say it aloud- that sometimes she just wanted to rip his clothes off and jump him. Well, not just _sometimes_. The feeling occurred quite a bit, actually. Still, she couldn't bring herself to say so out loud, let alone go through with it.

"You were going to tell me how handsome and virile you think I am, weren't you?" he teased and reached out to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her closer.

"Ew, _barf_," she replied, wrinkling her nose. She did note that he hadn't given her a reply about not having sex, though, and she wasn't going to just let him off the hook with a little flirting. "So you didn't say anything yet, y'know, about the whole lock and key on my vagina."

"What is there to say?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "You do not want to have sex, the matter is settled."

"That's it?" she narrowed her eyes at him; she was having trouble believing that he could be so complacent with her decision. "You're not gonna argue with me or anything?"

"Wouldn't that make me a... What do you call it?"

"A dick tip," she offered.

"Yes. That. And I know better than to try to rush you by now, if the bruised state of my nether regions is anything to judge by," he pointed out.

"Don't act like you don't deserve it." She reached up and flicked his nose, then stuck her tongue out at him for good measure.

"Perhaps _you_ should have become a nun," he grumbled.

"Yeah, right." She leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips, since she was feeling a little better. "Now get off me, I am a very busy woman and cannot be distracted."

"You are a bastion of warmth and intimacy, as always," he informed her, then poured himself another cup of tea and took a sip.

She was going to get him back for that one- just for the fun of it. "It's too bad we're not having sex," she sighed as she watched him drink. "Seeing as I'm double-jointed."

At that proclamation he spat his tea out across the table in one of the best spit-takes she'd seen from him yet. "_W-What?_" Not to mention he turned bright red for a third time.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "I can touch my feet to the back of my head."

"...You _want_ me to die of internal bleeding, don't you?"

"Look on the bright side." She paused to give him an encouraging pat on the back. "You still got hands."

"Keep it up and I will not be helping you with the dishes."

"I think we established a long time ago that the dishes are _your_ territory," she pointed out smugly, then pushed her dirty bowl toward him. "Besides, it's not like you got anything better to do." She stood up from the table and brushed the crumbs off her front, then headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked, affronted at her desertion.

"I gotta start cleaning," she replied simply, then left him to clean up after her. She was starting to feel like she needed some time alone, and sorting through all of her drawings and packing up her things served as an excellent excuse to run off on her own. Besides, she really _did_ need to start cleaning if she was going to get out of there in two days.

As she entered her room and closed the door behind her, she of course was still depressed about leaving the Valley of Peace; in the short time she'd been there, it had somehow become her home. Yet at the same time, she could feel the beginnings of the excitement that always bubbled up in her right before a trip. "Every end is a beginning," she reminded herself, then began ripping drawings off the wall one by one.

* * *

Shifu looked out over the valley, marveling at its beauty in the light of the setting sun. Nothing calmed him quite like playing his flute underneath the peach tree, especially when the skies were so clear and the weather so temperate. He'd spent most of his day searching in vain for Tai Lung, and after both Lin and Master Oogway had advised him several times to stop worrying and let the boy be alone, he had finally given up. They both seemed to know where Tai Lung was hiding out, so at least there was _someone_ on the grounds who could check up on him and make sure he was alright. Shifu also had reason to suspect that Master Oogway had been giving Tai Lung peaches all day, as he'd caught the old master picking them from the peach tree several times, and each time he'd answered any questions as to what he was doing with, "Oh, not much of anything, really."

He just wished that he could talk to his son, and let him know that everything would be alright. Shifu himself wasn't too sure of the sentiment, but if he didn't tell Tai Lung that everything would be fine, then who would? Besides, he worried. It was just what he did, as a father and as a person in general.

Playing his flute didn't completely calm his nerves, of course, but at least it helped. As he raised the instrument to his lips again, he couldn't help but wish for something to drink. And then, as if his thoughts had called her, Lin showed up. At least, he assumed it was her, since what felt like a hot cup of tea was placed atop his head, and the only person he knew of who would do such a thing was her.

"I can only begin to guess what awaits me inside this cup," he grumbled, then grabbed it from his head and took a sip. It tasted a little bit like honeysuckle.

"Whatever, flute boy." She plopped down next to him and stuck her finger in the end of his flute.

"Stop that," he huffed, though he was glad to see her. She was planning to leave in two days' time, so he was hoping to be with her as much as possible. "I have had this flute for thirty years, and I am not about to replace it because you felt like irritating me."

She wrinkled her nose at him as she pulled her finger out of the flute. "That thing's older 'an I am," she pointed out needlessly.

"Thank you," he grumbled as he shook hair out of his flute. "Nothing cheers me up quite like feeling like a huge pervert."

"Sorry, I thought you woulda been used to it by now." She sidled a little closer to him, until their knees were touching. "So... You gonna play me a song?" She actually seemed sincere, to his surprise.

"Not on your life." He knew she would only make fun of him, though. Not that she wouldn't find something else to tease him about anyway.

"Aw, c'mon," she insisted, then leaned over and gave him a gentle nudge with her shoulder. "I _never_ get to hear any music from you, and I promise not to be a jerk and tease you. Please?" She even pleaded with those big brown eyes of hers; she never used to do that, before they'd become a couple.

He supposed he only had himself to blame. "_One_ song," he conceded. "One _short_ song."

"Lay it on me, Amadeus."

He raised his eyebrows at the comment, but decided not to ask what she meant. Instead, he began to play the first full song Master Oogway had taught him, which was a slow, somewhat mournful tune. The subject of the song didn't have much to do with the situation; if he remembered correctly, Master Oogway had told him the song had been written by a son mourning his mother's death. Still, he liked the music and it wasn't too long, so at least he could avoid some measure of awkwardness. He could only imagine what Lin must have been thinking about his little performance, especially since he studiously avoided looking at her in the likely event that she was making ridiculous faces or shaking in silent laughter at him. It didn't seem too much to ask to want to ignore reality and imagine her actually _listening_ to the song and appreciating its beauty.

When he finished playing, he was surprised to find that she actually _wasn't_ laughing at him. Instead, she gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and held his hand.

"You are starting to frighten me," he said as he watched her stare out at the horizon.

"Sorry," she sighed. "I just... Liked the song. And I was thinking that, y'know, we're more alike 'an we both realize. Which would explain all the fighting."

While she had a good point, he wasn't used to her being so contemplative; it was off-putting, to say the least. "I can't pretend I'm not pleased you have yet to call me fat, but I must wonder where this sudden reflective side of yours has sprung from."

"Your mom," she replied, which was much more like her.

"I thought as much." He picked up his tea and finished it off, then stood up, pulling her to her feet with him. "There is something I have wanted to know all day long." The question he had in mind hadn't been at the top of his list, but it was something he wondered every time she blinked her thick, dark lashes at him.

"I might as well tellya, it's not like I'm keeping secrets anymore." She pulled her hand out of his to reach up and yank a stray hair from his ear, causing him to wince in pain.

He batted her hand away and glared at her a moment before continuing their conversation. "How did you convince people you were a man all those years?"

She laughed at the question. "I ain't exactly the most feminine woman on earth," she pointed out. "I bet if you hadn'ta heard me talk when we first met you woulda wondered a little."

"Well your voice..."

"I disguised it. And I was still pretty young when I lived in Shanghai, so it wasn't like I was pretending to be some middle-aged melon-head." She grinned at the insult, but he wasn't going to take her bait.

"Your eyes!" he pointed out. "What about that?"

"I'm pretty sure people don't go around judging each other's sex by the size of their eyes," she argued. "Lookit yours! They're like... Big buttons on a stuffed animal." That one was a little insulting, actually. "Besides, I shaved my eyelashes. I tried plucking 'em out, but that just looked _weird._ Keeping 'em really short was the way to go. Combine that with some tough talking, and no one thought twice about it, not even the girls. They thought I was pretty cute, actually, in a street-wise rascal kinda way."

"I am sure you were positively winsome," he huffed, rolling his eyes at the way she seemed to be bragging. "A regular ragamuffin."

"I had a bigger dick 'an you, too," she added.

"I cannot believe you." Sometimes he just wanted to turn around and walk away from her, the things she said were so needlessly offensive. "You are- You-" Shifu couldn't even bring himself to think of a comeback.

"Think carefully about how you finish that sentence," Lin warned, crossing her arms. "'Cause if it ends with 'just the cook,' consider yourself worse than dead."

"I can't even think of how to end it," he admitted. "You are indescribable."

"Thank you," she replied, letting out a snort and smiling.

Despite himself, he found it... Endearing. "I will admit that you _are_ fairly charming, when you want to be." He did have his own agenda in mind with the compliment, though. "And sometimes when you're not trying, as well."

"Naw," she grumbled back. "Really?" She raised her eyebrows, obviously waiting to be showered with more arbitrary compliments.

Shifu rolled his eyes at the reaction and, instead of answering her, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer.

She let out one of the completely unique noises she made whenever he startled or tickled her, and attempted to push him away. "Ew, quit being gross," she protested, even though she had seemed to be in a romantic mood not long ago.

"You're not getting away _that_ easily." Out of some masochistic impulse, he held fast to her and leaned forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. Then, he waited for the kick to the crotch, head-butt, or smack to the face that inevitably came whenever she wasn't in the mood for his advances. However, he remained unscathed.

Instead, Lin actually blushed and relaxed a bit, resting her hands on his chest. Then, in an absolutely shocking turn of events, she let out a girlish giggle.

He blinked, wondering when the universe would collapse in on itself in the face of such a paradox, but apparently that wasn't about to happen. "You just _giggled_," he pointed out incredulously. "_Girlishly_."

"Stick it up your ass," she snapped in an instant return to her normal behavior. "And let go of me, already! I got better things to do 'an put up with you and your stupid sappy crap."

"What if I say no?" he ventured, just for kicks.

"I _know_ you didn't just say that to me," she growled back.

He decided to call her bluff and pulled her even closer, until she was pressed up against him; he noticed in the process that she didn't actually put up a fight. He could even feel her heartbeat quicken against his chest. Against his better judgement, he attempted to say something romantic and flattering. "How did you get so beautiful?"

Lin slid a hand up to his shoulder and leaned up to whisper tenderly in his ear. "I used to be a man," she answered in a noticeably lower pitch than her normal voice.

Shifu immediately let go of her and walked away. "I hate you so much," he grumbled as he stomped down the stairs. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her, he was so disturbed by how accurate her impression of a young man's voice had been. No wonder she'd had no trouble concealing her identity in Shanghai.

She just started to laugh hysterically, holding onto her sides. "That's what you get for using such a lame line!" she called after him. "Aw, c'mon!" Then, she lowered her voice again. "Don't you wanna kiss?"

"Stop that!" He kept walking, trying very hard not to think of the time he'd seen her pee standing up. He failed, of course. "You are the worst- the worst- _whatever_ we are supposed to be- in existence!"

"Not so in love now, are you?"

"Don't start with that, you are not going to get me to take it back." He knew for a fact that if he went along with _that_ joke, she would somehow find a way to twist his words and make it sound like he'd been serious. "And I thought you had better things to do."

She managed to catch up with him, though she was out of breath- he wasn't sure whether that was due to all of her laughter or running after him. "I lied."

"In that case, perhaps you could finish what you started this morning." There were still a few things about her past that he was fuzzy on- well, more than a few things. He knew it would be no good to push her, but he was getting impatient.

She gave him a hard poke in the side and snorted. "I hope you're not talking about when you grabbed my ass."

"You know what I mean." He wondered why she bothered acting evasive at all, if she was apparently done keeping secrets.

"Fine, fine," she conceded. "Come to the kitchen, we can have a little something to eat, and I'll tellya all the gruesome details of my sordid youth."

He wondered if she was even going to take any part of their discussion seriously. "Do you ever stop eating?"

"Where I come from, _nobody_ ever stops eating. Or drinking, for that matter." That was pretty believable.

Even though she had wanted to start her story in the kitchen, he couldn't help but ask the question that he should have asked first, the one basic piece of information that he had neglected up until that point. "Alright, so where exactly _do_ you come from?"

She grinned back at him. "Picture it: Sicily, the end of Clement the twelfth's papal reign. A family of poor lemon farmers is blessed by the birth of their sixth child..."

* * *

A/N: Alright, some extensive footnotes here. Artists actually have a rich history as revolutionaries. Back in the day, since most people were illiterate they were informed of current events through art, mainly prints. As such artists held a huge sway over public opinion and those who spoke out against the government in countries with censorship laws were often jailed and/or executed. Their opinions were also respected because an artist was expected to be highly educated- there was a time when art was one of the scholarly pursuits! Of course, all that changed in the nineteenth/twentieth century with the advancements in mass media and the invention of photography. *The More You Know!*

Also of note: Lin is not from Sicily the island, but from the modern day region of Calabria (specifically on the southeast shore somewhere between Reggio di Calabria and Catanzaro, if anyone cares to know). Until it was united with the Kingdom of Naples in 1815, Sicily was a kingdom that extended almost halfway up the mainland. You also may have noted that I mentioned a real pope there, but don't take it as an indication of time period- as with the movie, there is no specific time period in the fic (though I like to think it's vaguely after 1600). For instance, lithography didn't come on the scene until the 1790s.

As for the talk about sex... I'm too much of a proponent for open frank discussions about sex to not endorse them, and I felt like it wouldn't be like Lin to not say something. And in regards to the flute scene, I imagine the song Shifu played on his flute is "Oogway Ascends" from the movie soundtrack; I also like to imagine in my own little fandom world that Oogway is the one who wrote the song. Finally, I would like to point out that the name Quan, while meaning "spring (as in the water)" is also a martial arts term for "fist." I thought it was quite fitting.

PHEW! That was a lot more than I usually have to say. Anyway, next chapter: more of Lin's past is revealed, and we hear from Tai Lung. Seeya then!


	34. All You See, I Owe to Spaghetti

A/N: Whoo, I actually banged this out in one week! No guarantees the next chapter will go so smoothly, though. Anyway, first I want to once more extend my thanks to the reviewers. You are the wind beneath my wings. Second... Let's dive in, shall we?

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 34: All You See, I Owe to Spaghetti

* * *

"So you come from a family of lemon farmers?" Shifu dropped down heavily into his usual seat at the kitchen table, watching as Lin rummaged around in the cabinets, undoubtedly for something sweet. "Why don't you eat more lemons, then?"

"I can't believe that was the first question outta your mouth," she shot back over her shoulder. "What, so I'm supposed to freaking love lemons 'cause my family grows 'em? You think I sweat limoncello or something? Get outta my sight."

"There is no need to overreact," he huffed, glaring at her back. He was a little surprised by how defensive she'd gotten, but then again he already knew that she didn't harbor much fondness for her family. He had to admit, though, the fact that she'd grown up on a lemon orchard was rather fitting.

"Anyway," she continued as she emerged from the cabinets with an armful of various ingredients, "like I was saying, I was number six outta eight kids. While normally people just name their kids by the order they were born in, my parents decided not to- I don't think they were planning on having a whole bunch of us, but my mother turned out to be more fertile 'an they thought."

"What _is_ your real name?" he interrupted again, and he could tell she was annoyed by it.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," she replied, then went about looking for utensils with which to cook whatever she happened to be making.

"But you don't," he pointed out. "Smell sweet, I mean. You smell more like... Dirt." He realized as he spoke that what he'd said could possibly be construed as insulting, though he hadn't meant it that way.

"It's the ink." She set a pan on the stove, then pulled out her knife and a cutting board. "The ink I use, it smells like dirt."

"It's not a _bad_ smell," he assured her, though he doubted it would do much good. "I mean, I am sure that not everyone likes it, but people have different taste..." He trailed off, horrified by how much deeper he was digging himself.

"You _really_ know how to turn on the charm," she grumbled sarcastically, her knife hitting the cutting board with a loud _thwack_ as she cut through an orange.

"I didn't mean it like that," he tried to save himself. "I _like_ the smell of dirt. Well, not necessarily _dirt_ dirt, but... I like the way you smell." He blushed, embarrassed; he couldn't have sounded more awkward if he'd tried.

"Yeah, yeah," she huffed, which was a good sign; she was probably flattered but didn't want to admit it. "So back to my story. I was one of eight- now bear with me, I'm gonna tellya everyone's names in case I gotta use 'em. There was Giuliano, my older brother, then Gia- Gia was the one I toldya about, the one I liked. After her was Maria, then Rosa- those two were born really close together, less 'an a year apart. Then there was Bianca- pure evil, by the way, and if you ever met her you'd agree- then me, then my little brother Lorenzo and last was Mimi, who died from scarlet fever. My father was Nunzio- terrible temper, but he was hardly ever around anyway- and my mother, the nasty high-strung bitch, she was Benedetta. And my grandmother, her name was Francesca, but we all called her Nonna. Obviously, that means grandma. You following?"

"Not in the least," he admitted.

"That's okay, you'll catch up." She moved on to slicing some ginger. "Everyone worked, no exceptions. I started out picking lemons, stuff like that, but I was hopelessly clumsy growing up. I had no real knack for sewing, I was just plain lazy at cleaning, and every time I went into town for something I got distracted. _Cooking_, however, I took to naturally. That was usually Nonna's territory, but she decided to teach me the ropes, and I ended up spending most of my time in the kitchen with her. She was a horrible, mean old woman, but she liked me. I think she used to be a lot like me, before life wore her down." She sounded rather sad, speaking about her grandmother, but Shifu couldn't think of what to say to attempt to comfort her. "Anyway," she moved on before he had a chance to say anything, "I spent most of my time in the kitchen when I was little, but as I got older I was allowed to go into town for some of the shopping. That was when I met Vino."

"Yes, I remember you mentioning your inebriated friend." He knew it was strange to disapprove of someone she'd known years ago, but he couldn't help himself. "Is this when you talk about your childhood romance?"

She turned around to give him a confused look over her shoulder. "Ew, Vino was my dad's age," she clarified.

"Then what were you doing hanging around with him?" He realized after asking such a question that he sounded like a concerned parent, and shut his mouth quickly before anything else embarrassing came out of it.

"Calm yourself, Gramps." She seemed to be making some type of dough as she spoke, though he couldn't for the life of him identify what it actually was. "Vino was kinda like... I dunno, like an uncle or something. His family ran a vineyard, but he decided to follow his dream instead of taking over the family business. I always looked up to him for that. Anyway, he taught me a lotta stuff- and not just about printmaking. He taught me how to read and write, too. And he used to call me Pianticella, 'cause I was so much tinier 'an him. He was half-wolf, and even considering that he was big. Not fat, but _big_." She lit the stove as she spoke and spooned her dough into the dry pan and began stirring it with her wooden spoon. "I liked the nickname a lot, actually. It made me feel... I dunno, as if someone expected something outta me, for once. Like maybe I could be like a seed and grow up into something great, y'know?" She paused to lean down and check on her flame, then apparently decided that it was sufficient. "Ah, that sounds stupid."

"No, it doesn't sound stupid at all." He understood very well what she meant- he supposed she had been right when she'd said they were more alike than they realized.

"Thanks." She didn't look at him, but he could tell that she was blushing. "So that was pretty much my childhood. My whole family except my grandmother hated me, and the only person who was ever nice to me was a middle-aged alcoholic. Then, when I was fourteen, everything changed. Nonna died." She dumped her still-raw dough out of her pan and back into the bowl, then threw the orange she had sliced, her chopped ginger, sugar, and water into the hot pan. "When she started getting sickly, she told me, 'Life ain't fun. But we keep trying to survive 'cause of instinct. I don't wanna die, but I sure as hell am gonna enjoy the rest.' After she died, though, I didn't really have anyone left in the family to rely on. My parents wanted me gone, and they managed to find someone to marry me off to within a couple of months."

"And I am guessing this was the engagement you told me about." He watched as she poured oil into a pot and began heating that; he normally would have protested to her frying up dough and covering it in syrup (he assumed that was what she had planned), but he could see that she was deeply bothered by having to discuss her past. Besides, it smelled amazing.

"You bet," she confirmed grimly. "Y'see, my parents didn't have much to offer in the way of dowry or status when it came to marrying off their daughters. But they _did_ have one bargaining chip. The women in my family were known for their looks- the most beautiful women for miles around. All my sisters were gorgeous, and any man in his right mind woulda chewed his own leg off to have a chance with one of 'em. All except me, that is. Compared to them, short and fluffy with one goofy fang wasn't exactly appealing. So as far as suitors went, I was kinda lacking. However, my cousin Marco was getting a little older and needed a wife fast, so he could have a son to take over his family business. And he _loved_ my cooking."

"Family business?"

"He was a merchant." She ripped a piece of dough from the bowl rather violently, a low growl entering her voice. "A bottom-feeding, money-grubbing _slime_ the likes of which the world should never see."

Shifu was fairly sure that he'd discovered the source of Lin's hatred for merchants. "Are you... alright?"

"I'm fine," she snapped, clearly lying. "I just get angry, is all. The man saw everything as a commodity, a possession- including _me_. He was too much of a sleaze for any woman with real wealth or status, so my parents figured he was perfect for me. Well, my guess is that they figured anyone who'd take me at all was perfect. Not to mention I'd be outta their hair, since Marco was planning a trip to China, to make his fortune or something dumb like that. I had no choice, of course."

"So you married him and came to China?" He _had_ been wondering how and why she'd traveled so far east, when most people lived in the same household their entire lives.

"Not quite. Marco wanted to get married in China, after we got to Shanghai, and my parents agreed to it 'cause they wanted me gone. I found out later that he basically planned to marry me if he ended up liking me, and if he didn't he'd sell me on the slave market in Shanghai. Guess which one he picked."

"So you were a slave?" He hoped for her sake that he hadn't guessed correctly.

"Nope." She started rolling the dough into balls and deep-frying them. "See, Marco and I _hated_ each other. And on our long, _long_ journey to Shanghai, we fought _a lot_."

He decided not to point out that there were few people Lin _didn't_ fight with a lot, himself included, and listened.

"While I was pretty strong for my size, he usually ended up winning."

"Wait- _what?_" He had assumed she'd meant _verbal_ fighting, but apparently not. "You mean physical fighting? As in fist fights?"

"Yep." She removed her first batch of dough from the oil and started on a second. "I only learned one useful lesson from my mother: if someone hits you, you hit right back."

He was suddenly starting to regret all those times he'd dragged her around by her tail, picked her up and carried her, or otherwise physically forced her to do things. True, she could be absolutely maddening, but if he'd known about her past experiences with physical abuse, he wouldn't have lost his temper so completely. "Lin, I... I'm sorry. I had no idea. If I _had_, I wouldn't have... Well, I would have been a bit... Gentler." He hoped that she accepted his apology instead of trying to guilt him, because he already felt guilty enough.

However, she did neither. She picked up her wooden spoon, turned around, and threw it at his head.

He'd been so taken by surprise that he didn't even duck out of the way, and the spoon got him right on the forehead. "Ouch!" He rubbed at the spot it had hit and resisted the urge to throw the utensil back at her. "What was that for?"

"You're retarded," came her offensive reply as she marched up to him and snatched the wooden spoon out of his lap. "Whadda I look like to you, some kinda shrinking violet? Marco ain't the only person who's ever beat me up, y'know, and I'm sure I'll get beat up plenty more before I die. _You_ probably been beat up a shit-ton, but I don't act like you're about to fall to pieces 'cause of it."

"Yes, but-"

"But what?" she cut him off. "But he was the man I was supposed to marry? But I was young, scared, and completely alone? But I was on a difficult journey to a strange place I'd never been before? Those're the excuses I used, too, when I used to cry for my grandma like a little pussy. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself, I never even had room in my head for thinking of what _I_ could do to make my life better. Instead, I just sat around and waited for someone else's help. Then, I finally got a clue and realized that it wasn't coming."

He was reminded of something else she'd told him, back when she'd injured her arm. "Was that when the bandits set fire to your camp?"

"You betchya." She walked back over to the stove and started on her last batch of fried dough.

"You said you were in a tough spot when that happened." He was curious as to what kind of "tough spot" it had been, but at the same time he was afraid to find out. "...Did it involve Marco?"

"Yeah," she huffed, and turned off the heat on her syrup. "I guess you're gonna keep badgering me about it 'til I tellya, huh? Well, I'll save us the time and the trouble. It was a fight, y'know, a really bad one. And we'd had some bad fights, but none of 'em were like this one. I don't even remember how it got started... I guess it probably had something to do with the marriage. He'd already made it pretty clear he was only gonna marry me to get a son outta the deal, so I'm sure he probably started in with that and then I said I was gonna poison myself or something to make myself barren, that sorta thing. Anyway, he managed to get me pinned, and was gonna... Y'know. I remember I screamed a lot, even though I knew it wouldn't do any good. There were servants around, but they didn't give a shit." She glanced over her shoulder and caught a glimpse at the look on his face. "Oh, nothing came of it," she dismissed easily. "The idiot barely got his belt open when the bandits came, and he ran off to make sure nothing valuable got burned. Never tried it again, either. The point is, that was when I decided I wouldn't ever cry again, not even for myself. I was actually gonna _do_ something, instead. I was gonna live my life the way _I_ wanted to live my life, no matter what. No one else gave a shit about me- I was only saved 'cause of a buncha bandits who were out looting. No one woulda actually helped me for the sake of helping me, no one except myself. So I started thinking about what to do, and I decided that first I'd get to Shanghai, since it was a big city and I'd probably be able to find work there. I was gonna get away no matter what." She finished up her fried dough and poured the fragrant syrup over the balls, then brought them all over to the table. "Hope you like orange."

"I seem to remember you telling me that your past was nothing out of the ordinary," he pointed out, then got up to go get chopsticks; he wasn't about to follow Lin's lead and eat the sticky mess with his fingers.

"It wasn't," she insisted. "I didn't go through any more 'an your average woman. And why dontchya put on some water for tea while you're up?"

"I thought there was something missing from this meal." He supposed she had something of a point, there. "I am thinking Jasmine, what about you?"

"So you've actually been paying attention all this time." She sounded impressed at his choice, and he couldn't help but feel pleased by her approval. "I could go for some caffeine, so how's about a jasmine green tea blend?"

"That sounds good to me." He even blended the tea leaves himself, though whether or not that would meet with Lin's approval he didn't know. "So I am guessing you made it to Shanghai, though I must know... When in all this did you learn to speak Mandarin?"

She held up her hand for him to wait while she finished chewing on a ball of fried dough. "I made it my business to know the language well by the time we entered the country. He had some of his 'people' teach me, 'cause it woulda been embarrassing to have a wife who couldn't even speak the language, y'know. I pretended to be a lot slower at it 'an I actually was, though, so he'd speak Mandarin around me and think I didn't understand what he was saying. That's how I found out he was planning on selling me in Shanghai. Then, of course, after we spent some time in China I got pretty fluent. Total immersion, y'know. Anyway, I made it to Shanghai in one piece, and I was planning to sneak off in the middle of the night. But then I overheard Marco talking about _selling_ me, and I was all, 'Uh, what?' So y'know what I did?"

"I can only imagine." He might have felt sorry for Marco, if he didn't already want to beat the pulp out of the man himself for what he'd put Lin through.

"First, I waited 'til I had him alone. Then I confronted him about it, and he didn't even deny it! He acted like I wasn't gonna do anything about it, which, I admit, was the precedent I'd set. But not that time. I was _done_. Done!" She threw her hands in the air to illustrate her point. "Now, Shanghai ain't the cleanest place in the world, so you can find almost anything, depending on which alley you decide to walk down. I myself happened to find a big piece of wood, which I used to beat that accident of nature to a bloody pulp." A vindictive gleam entered her eyes and she crushed one of her dough balls right in her hand. "Then I took all his money and his clothes! _Ha!_"

"His _clothes?_" Shifu repeated dubiously, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her dramatics. "Why?"

"So I could dress up like a man, duh. That was when I started calling myself Quan. Are you gonna eat any of this?" She grimaced at the mess in her palm, then started to lick up the debris.

"I don't even know what they are." He checked the water for the tea, but it wasn't quite boiling yet.

"Well, they're zeppoli, except I put the syrup on 'em instead of cinnamon-sugar." She stuck her fingers in her mouth one by one, licking the syrup off of them like a small child.

"I will get to them," he assured her, eager to hear more of her story. "So... You were in Shanghai, pretending to be male... And you met Chen?"

"Well, first I lived on the streets. You'd be surprised at how difficult it can be to find work in the city. Eventually, I managed to stumble into a job in Chen's kitchen- they thought I was some other kid they'd already hired, and I figured I had no reason to correct anyone. The other guy never showed up, anyway."

"Wait- you were Chen's _cook?_" He put out the flame on the stove and started steeping the tea, then brought the pot and some cups back to the table- along with his chopsticks.

"No, I wasn't a cook. I was a kitchen assistant- y'know, doing all the bitch work. It was food in my mouth and a roof over my head, though." She pushed the zeppoli toward him and he gladly sampled one; they were sticky, crispy, and light all at the same time. In other words, delicious. "I was always so jealous of Chen, wondering how it was he got to make art all day and didn't starve to death. At night I used to sneak into his studio and use all his stuff. That's how I became his apprentice, actually. He found me in his studio, in the middle of the night, elbow-deep in some of his best inks. Sometimes I _still_ feel sore after the whack I got from his stick for that one. He thought I had potential, though, so he took me on as a student. Of course, he still thought I was a guy."

"That's right, Chen does not take on female students," Shifu remembered between bites. "Rather sexist policy, isn't it?"

"Naw, it's not 'cause he doesn't like female students," Lin argued as he bit into another one of the fried confections. "It's 'cause he banged one of 'em."

He promptly spit the half-chewed dough across the room, coughing. He did _not_ want to think of a respected kung fu master in such a way, especially one who happened to be so... So _old_.

She gave him a hard slap on the back, which did nothing to help his cough, but being completely unhelpful had never stopped her. "It was a long time ago, of course. Back before the oceans had filled in. Anyway, it almost cost him his reputation and after that he vowed to never have a woman as a student again. Until I came along and broke the rule. Chen didn't realize at first, but as time went on I think he got more and more of an inkling, until he finally confronted me about a year later. Even though we'd gotten kinda close, I was sure that was it for me- Chen never took kindly to dishonesty, no matter what the circumstances. But he didn't kick me out onto the streets at all. He sent me to apprentice for Wei-Shan, instead." It was obvious from the goofy smile that crossed her face that she'd had some kind of schoolgirl crush on him. "_Damn_, was he cute." That statement was also something of a tip-off.

"I do not need to hear anything about Master Wei-Shan," Shifu grumbled as he felt the familiar pang of jealousy. He knew that it was babyish of him, but he still couldn't stop himself.

"Oh, c'mon," she replied and gave him a slap on the arm. "What're you, jealous or something?"

In lieu of replying he simply stuck another one of her zeppoli into his mouth.

"You're jealous!" For some reason, she seemed surprised. "No, really?" She squinted at him, as if she could tell whether he was putting her on or not just by staring at him hard enough. "_Really?_" She repeated, still incredulous.

He supposed he wasn't going to be able to get away with his continued silence. "Yes, really," he admitted reluctantly. "Just... A little bit."

She continued to stare at him, then pointed to her lips. "You got some crumbs around here."

He should have known his admission would only result in her teasing him. "Fine, go ahead and make fun of me," he huffed as he reached up to wipe his mouth off.

She grabbed his hand before he could reach his mouth, though. "You're just gonna get your fingers all sticky, lemme do it." And then, amazingly enough, she kissed him.

Despite Lin's recently relaxing attitude toward physical contact, he was _still_ surprised whenever she initiated anything at all intimate, even kissing. "That was so cloying that I am fairly sure there is even more syrup on my face now," he teased after she pulled away.

"Don't act like you're not all jazzed that I kissed you, thinking you're so freaking charming," she accused, and while there was some truth in the statement, he wasn't about to admit to it.

"And don't _you_ act as if you are not equally as enamored of yourself as you seem to think I am." He would have liked to kiss her back, but despite his jealousy at her obvious affection for Wei-Shan he still wanted to know what happened next in her life's story. "You know that I was just kidding when I told you to stop telling your story, right?"

"Of course," she replied easily, then poked him in the side as she taunted him. "You were just _jealous_."

"You are too full of yourself for words." Actually, there were plenty of words, but he didn't want to distract her any more than he already had. "Now just get on with the story."

"Okay, okay." She paused to pour them both a cup of tea, then cleared her throat authoritatively. "Where was I, again?"

Shifu just glared at her, very much aware that she was simply attempting to annoy him.

"Ah, right. Wei-Shan. Y'see, I'd already known him, since as you're aware of, he's a student of Chen's. It's kinda funny to see 'em together, though; they're... How do I even describe those two? I guess 'heterosexual life mates' would be the best words."

"I cannot even begin to imagine that," he admitted. "Not about Chen, anyway."

"Oh, it was bromance alright," she assured him, an amused grin spreading across her face. "As funny as that is, though, it's kinda sad to think they're separated now. The two of 'em were best friends from the very first time they met, then thiry-five years later Wei-Shan had to skip town... Depressing."

"Wait, why did Wei-Shan have to skip town?" He didn't even know why he asked in the first place; he already knew it must have been Lin's fault.

"Well, _I_ had to skip town, too. Not that it was _my_ fault or anything." She frowned at the flat look he'd given her. "Oh, stop it. Okay, lemme explain it a little bit. Y'see, while Chen and I butted heads _constantly_- not that I didn't care for the little raisin- Wei-Shan and I got along _great_. He had more of an easy-going, passive personality, kinda the scholarly type. I admit, sometimes I pushed him around a little-"

Shifu interrupted her with a skeptical snort. "A _little bit?_"

She flicked him on the nose for that one. "Don't interrupt me. Anyway, it wasn't just a master-student relationship, he was my friend. And towards the end we were sorta working as equals... And so it wasn't _just_ my fault, it was a fifty-fifty deal. We printed some _extremely_ critical material about the government and the aristocracy, y'know, the usual stuff. Societal constrictions designed to control the working class, lack of civil rights for the peasantry in general, unfair tax laws... That kinda deal. So of course we were gonna be arrested, probably sentenced to life in prison. So we split up and ran for it. Last I saw of him, we were climbing out his second floor window to get away from imperial soldiers, and he told me to head south. We figured it'd be best to split up so we'd be harder to find. Anyway, I was an idiot and let 'em corner me down at the docks, so I did what any reasonable person would. I jumped."

"And you almost drowned," he pointed out.

"Almost being the operative word. Somehow, I survived the night and in the morning I found myself washing up on the shores of Shangba. You remember, the Village of Death? 'Cause of all the shipwreck victims washing up?"

"Yes, I remember." He grimaced at the thought of such a thing.

"There was this seagull who got stuck with the unfortunate job of searching for and properly disposing of the dead bodies on the beach. He found me, and was nice enough to let me stay with him and his family for a couple of days. They even fed me. By that time, I'd figured there was no more point in pretending to be a man, especially when it would only hinder me. So I dropped that farce, and went by the name of Yan-Yan for a while- that was the name of my best friend back in Shanghai, she was a cat, a Balinese I think. Very nice girl, from a middle class family- her dad was an accountant. I think she had a thing for bad boys, though, which was why she hung around the horrible neighborhood I lived in. That's neither here nor there, though. The point is, for the next three years I basically wandered around China, adopting different identities along the way, just doing what I do. I guess the authorities caught on to my act, though, and figured out that all these incendiary materials were coming from the same person, so I was sentenced to death. I figured it out eventually, 'cause I found a wanted poster- looked nothing like me, by the way. It made me look like some kinda snaggle-toothed, cross-eyed explosion of fur."

He couldn't resist poking fun at her for that. "Sounds about right to me."

"Shove it," she replied without missing a beat. "That's about it. After the execution order, I decided to high-tail it outta the country, and along the way I got robbed by those bandits and stumbled across the Valley of Peace. Actually, there is one other thing I gotta admit. I knew before I even came here that there wasn't even an inkling of a job opening, especially not for a cook. But this looked like the most ritzy place in town and I figured it'd be pretty cushy to work here, so I strong-armed my way in."

"I had already deduced that much," he informed her, though he had remembered something of interest when she'd mentioned Shangba. "But what about those wokou? I'd thought you might have had a connection with them."

"Oh, those were just some guys I used to hang out with back in Shanghai," she dismissed easily. "The navigator showed me calligraphy in the Japanese style, that was pretty awesome."

"Wait... So you just _hung out_ with pirates?"

"Yeah. I lived pretty close to the docks, and they'd come in all the time and buy whores, make trouble, go to bars, raid... The usual pirate stuff. They liked to think they were somehow waging war on the Empire, but mainly they were a buncha rowdy drunks who liked to get into bar fights. They _did_ promote democracy, though. In other words, we had a lot in common."

He wasn't quite done with his questioning, though. "I know you broke out of jail back in Shanghai... And that you were in there to begin with for treason-"

"And violation of censorship laws," she added.

"Are there any other times I should know about?" He raised his eyebrows at her, and she seemed somewhat embarrassed.

"...Well, there was this one other time, before that. Back when I was still living with Chen... That was kinda for public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, assault... Y'know, that kinda thing. Chen bailed me outta that one, though." She let out an awkward cough, then took a sip of her tea.

"You are a nuisance to society," he informed her, though he didn't know why he was bothering to point out the obvious.

"_I'm_ a nuisance to society? _You're_ the one who threw half of Shanghai in jail," she grumbled sourly.

"That was your own fault for starting a riot in the first place!" he argued back; he wasn't going to let her lay the blame on _him_ for that incident.

"I didn't _mean_ to start a riot, I _meant_ to start a protest. How was I supposed to know there'd be so much looting?" She paused, furrowing her brow as she apparently thought back on the incident. "Actually, I probably shoulda seen that coming."

He shook his head at her attitude, but decided to let the subject go; if he didn't, they would probably spend hours fighting about who was right and who was wrong. "I still cannot believe that we never crossed paths that entire time."

"To be fair, I was hiding from you," she pointed out. "I heard there was some kinda kung fu guy in the area, and that was all I needed to hear. You got no idea how hard it is to pretend to be a man when you're in jail- especially when you're on the rag."

"That is all I need to hear, thank you." He didn't want her to start going on and on about her time of the month- and that was what she would inevitably do if he didn't stop her. "Alright, so this explains _almost_ everything. I still do not understand why you like rocks so much."

She blinked back at him, apparently confused. "Huh?"

"Remember when we were in the marketplace and you were drooling over that one stand?"

"Those were all minerals used for _pigments_," she huffed, rolling her eyes at him.

He frowned at her tone, but then decided not to get mad, but get even. "One last question."

"What?" She was obviously getting annoyed, but she had asked for the teasing.

"How do I pick out a good lemon?" He resisted the urge to laugh at how disgruntled she looked at the question.

After a moment of glaring, she actually answered him. "...The ones with a smoother texture usually yield more juice," she grumbled. "And if you wanna get more juice outta a lemon that feels hard, it helps to steam 'em for a few minutes and then roll 'em on the counter before you cut into 'em."

"You act as though you hate lemons, just because of your family," he pointed out. "It is not the fruit's fault."

She snorted at the terrible joke. "Naw, I don't _hate_ lemons. I like 'em, actually, my sordid past notwithstanding. I remember that for a treat we used to slice up lemons, then dip the slices in sugar and eat 'em. They're so sweet straight off the tree, though, that most of the time you don't even need sugar."

"See, lemons aren't so bad." He reached for another one of her- he forgot what they were called- thingies.

"Wait a minute." She pulled the bowl out of reach and batted his hand away when he tried to follow it. "I wanna save some for Tai Lung."

He stopped grabbing for the bowl when she assured him that she wasn't just torturing him. "Speaking of whom, we will have to speak to him sooner or later. Preferably sooner."

"Yeah, you're right." She tossed him a pastry, then grabbed the teapot and brought them both over to the counter. "We just gotta figure out how to get him outta hiding."

"Well, we might have better luck if you told me where he was," he pointed out; he was still annoyed that she refused to tell him Tai Lung's hiding spot. He was the boy's _father_, after all.

"No can do." She walked back over to the table and started fiddling with one of his ears, as if it were a toy of some sort. "I'm on the verge of a breakthrough, I can just feel it."

"Perhaps it would help you to stop molesting me," he huffed.

She let go of his ear, but yanked on his plait. "Y'know, the way Tai Lung's hiding from us kinda reminds me of my little sister Mimi," she sighed. "Whenever she got mad at my parents, she used to hide in the top shelf of the pantry just to make 'em worry, the little brat. And she knew she'd get away with it, 'cause she was the... Favorite..." She trailed off, blinking as she seemed to think of something else. Then, she slammed her palm down on the table. "Why that little..." she muttered, then practically ran out of the room.

Shifu had no idea what she was up to, so he followed her out into the hallway and stopped her. "Where are you going?"

"I just realized something," she replied. "Tai Lung is doing the exact same thing my sister used to do."

"Wait- are you suggesting that Tai Lung is hiding out _because_ he knows we will worry about him?" It sounded like something Tai Lung would have done when he was younger, but he should have known better at his age. "Why would he do that?"

"'Cause of me. He thinks I'll let him get away without a punishment, just like Mimi knew my parents would never punish her. And he thinks that if _you_ get mad, I'll intervene and tellya not to do anything, 'cause I feel guilty."

The reasoning seemed a little complicated to him. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!" With that, she turned around and headed for the front door.

"Wait a minute." He chased after her, concerned over what she might do. "What are you planning to do?"

She furrowed her brow, as if she hadn't even given it any thought yet. Then she gave a decisive nod. "I got an idea. You trust me?"

"I suppose I will have to," he sighed.

* * *

Tai Lung got up from where he'd been sitting on the edge of the barracks roof and tiptoed toward the middle, which had a better view of the stars overhead. While he knew that _technically_ it was wrong to eavesdrop, he had still sat over the kitchen windows and listened to Lin and Shifu talk. He hadn't expected Lin to start talking about herself, but he'd listened in, curious to know what her story really was. He'd known all along that she must have had a crazy past, but he'd never realized just _how_ crazy. Still, he had to wonder why she'd bothered to keep it all a secret to begin with. It wasn't like he or Master Shifu would ever turn her in. Even back when Shifu was pretending to hate her, he would have protected her. Maybe he was the only one who could actually see that, though.

That didn't mean he wasn't still mad at her and Shifu. He was glad he'd come up at the end of their conversation- that was what he'd been waiting for, actually. Shifu was probably looking for him right that very moment, while Lin was most likely on her way to beg for his forgiveness- as she _should_ be. First she'd ignored him, and then she'd decided to _leave_ him, just like that. She'd be lucky if he ever came _close _to forgiving her.

"Tai Lung." She'd come to apologize again, just as he'd predicted; however, he didn't turn around. She was less convincing when he couldn't see her face. "I'm gonna giveya one last chance to come down here on your own and quit sulking," she threatened, but he already knew that all of her threats were empty.

"Like you care," he scoffed, hunching his shoulders defensively.

"You can't stay up there forever, y'know," she prodded, but he wasn't going to take the bait.

"I can as long as Oogway keeps bringing me food," he grumbled back.

"Shifu's worried."

"Good." And he meant it.

"I'm worried, too," she added.

"Don't care." So they were worried about him all of a sudden, when just the other day he didn't even exist to them? It was the effect he was going for, but it still disgruntled him.

"Yes you do," she accused, suddenly dropping her apologetic tone. "You wouldn't even be up here if you weren't trying to make us worry. Now get down, already."

He wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of admitting she was right. "No."

"Then I'm coming over there to get you," she huffed.

He rolled his eyes at the assertion; she'd barely made it to the roof with his help the last time she'd been up there. There was no way she'd be able to get to him.

"Don't you think I'm not coming!" she went on as the branch she'd perched on creaked under her weight. "I probably shouldn'ta had all those sweets, though..."

He turned to watch her make a fool of herself over his shoulder, frowning at the way she shimmied along the sagging limb of the tree.

"I'm coming!" she grunted, then reached out in an attempt to grab the edge of the roof; of course, she didn't even get close to it. "You'll be sorry when I get there," she threatened, and then the branch snapped.

"Lin!" He ran to the edge of the roof and looked down, fearing the worst, but there was no need for him to worry.

Lin let out an annoyed snort as she attempted to reach the branch her belt had snagged on, but could only futilely hang upside down. "I'm still coming up there!" she huffed, groping behind her as she tried to grab the branch again.

As angry as Tai Lung was, he didn't want her to fall out of the tree and break her neck. So, with great trepidation, he jumped into the tree, grabbed her tail, and lifted her off the branch. Then, just to be safe, he carried her back down to the ground.

"Thanks, kid," she sighed when he set her down, then reached up and smacked him upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"I _toldya_ you'd be sorry when I got my hands on you." She then grabbed him by the ear and _yanked_.

"_Ow!_" Somehow, even though he _knew_ he was stronger than Lin, he still couldn't escape from her grasp as she dragged him toward the front of the barracks. "Let go!"

"Don't you tell me to let go of you," she lectured- Lin was actually _lecturing_ him- and gave his ear an extra-hard yank as she pulled him into the barracks. "God forbid I try to teach you a valuable lesson. You should be _grateful_ to have someone who cares enough about you to do this. There're kids all over the world who're alone and _starving_, kids who'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. How's about that, mister?" She dragged him into the kitchen and went straight for the wooden spoon, the sight of which filled him with dread.

"Lin-"

"You had your chance, it's too late now." Then, without preamble, she turned him around and gave him a painful whack on the rear-end with the spoon. "_That's_ for making your father worry." Then another one. "And _that's _for making me climb that damn tree _twice_ to come get you." The third hit was the most painful of all, not only because the area was tender from the first two, but also because she hit him the hardest the third time. "And _that's_ for sulking all day! Now go siddown!" She finally let go of his ear and pointed authoritatively at the kitchen table.

"Yes'm," he muttered tremulously, and didn't even try to rub at his sore bottom, just in case he got in trouble for it. He winced when he sat down in his seat at the kitchen table, but did his best not to make any noise.

"Quit sniveling," she ordered, then, to his complete surprise, placed a cup of tea and a bowl full of fried dough drenched in syrup in front of him. "And eat something, already, before you stunt your growth."

He considered refusing the snack, but one glance at Lin, standing over him with her arms crossed and her wooden spoon still hanging from one hand, and he was digging in. "...You didn't hafta hit me," he finally muttered around a mouthful of pastry.

"Kid, when you're older you'll understand."

"You sound like Shifu," he said, just because he knew it would annoy her.

"That doesn't bother me." She watched him eat for a little bit, then when she seemed satisfied with his progress she dropped the spoon onto the table.

"How come it wasn't okay for me to hurt my back while training with Shifu, but it's okay for you to hit me?" he asked, emboldened by her abandonment of her weapon.

"'Cause last I checked spanking doesn't cause permanent injury." She raised her eyebrows at him, and he popped another piece of dough into his mouth, to be safe. "You got a lotta nerve, y'know that?"

He just chewed and nodded.

"At least tell me you learned something," she sighed; she didn't seem angry anymore.

"I, uhm... Shouldn't make you worry, I shouldn't sulk, and... You don't like to climb trees?"

"Close enough."

He washed down his dessert with a mouthful of tea and took that opportunity to look sufficiently angry. "I'm still mad at you."

"I thought as much," she accepted. "But there ain't no turning back now. I'm leaving, whether you stay mad at me or not."

He tried to find the words for how he felt and why; angry, hurt, betrayed... Nothing seemed quite right. "...The vegetable garden has sprouts," he finally settled on. "And you didn't even notice."

"Naw, I'd notice sprouts if they were popping up," she argued.

"You didn't notice them any more than you've been noticing me." He knew that he sounded sulky, but he didn't care if she gave him the spoon again as long as she realized her own guilt.

She didn't answer right away. Instead, she only frowned down at the table. Then, with a loud sigh she finally looked up and answered. "You got a point. I'm sorry I been distant lately. I know it ain't fair to you, and I'd be mad too, if I were in your place. But you can't go hiding and sulking every time someone hurts you, any more 'an you can keep from getting hurt in the first place. It's the people who love you most who're gonna be doing most of the hurting, too, 'cause when people care they just seem to mess up all the more."

Maybe she was right, but he'd already made up his mind. No matter what, he'd make sure he never felt this way again. "I'm not gonna forgive you that easily."

"Yeah, well, I still got another day to convince you. Now stay put, Shifu wants to talk to you."

"Can't I just go to bed?" He figured he had a chance at convincing her, since it was so late, anyway.

"You spent all day trying to make your father worry, and now you think you can skulk off to bed without talking to him? No dice." With that, she gave him a hearty pat on the back, got up, and left.

He felt a little like he was being interrogated, the way they were taking turns talking to him. He wondered if he had enough time to make a break for it, but just as the thought crossed his mind Master Shifu walked in.

"Tai Lung," he greeted.

Tai Lung didn't stand and bow like he was undoubtedly expected to. If Shifu thought he was going to bow after being snubbed like he didn't even matter, then that windbag had another thing coming. "Master," he greeted tightly, because he knew if he stayed silent he'd get punished for sulking again.

"So... Lin, um..." Shifu trailed off and eyed the wooden spoon, still laying there on the table, then grimaced. "Ouch."

He stared back at his master, stunned. "You _knew_ Lin was gonna spank me? And you _let_ her?"

"Trust me when I say the alternative punishment would have been much worse." From his stern tone, Tai Lung could tell that whatever the alternative punishment was, _he_ had planned it.

"It's not even fair to punish me," he grumbled, crossing his arms. "You were ignoring me. You've been too busy making kissy faces with Lin to even notice I _exist_. Maybe _I_ was punishing _you_, ever think of that?" He was probably going to get into a lot of trouble for that one.

"I _did_, actually, which is why I agreed to Lin using that medieval torture device of hers on you. Children do not punish their parents, Tai Lung. It does not work that way." He paused, his expression momentarily softening. "Besides, adults are more punished by their own consciences than anything else." And then, he said something he had never said to Tai Lung before in his life. "I... I am sorry."

"You are?" He couldn't be swayed by such a simple apology, of course; Shifu would have to _beg_ for his forgiveness. He was just... Confirming the apology.

"I should not have gotten so caught up in romance... Or whatever on Earth it is that Lin is putting me through," Shifu sighed, and even placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You are the most important person in my life, Tai Lung. You are my son, after all. But, as you so delicately put it, adults like to 'make kissy faces.' And, believe or not, a romantic relationship requires a lot of time and devotion."

"Hmph." He wasn't going to forgive Shifu just yet, despite the heartfelt speech. If he was the most important person in Shifu's life, then why did Lin deserve more love and devotion than he did?

"Very well." He didn't seem happy at Tai Lung's attitude, but surprisingly enough he didn't dole out any punishment. "In any case, it is past your bedtime. I will see you tomorrow. And, before you go... Tomorrow is... Well, I think we should all spend some time together. Rather than training as usual."

"It's not gonna be optional, is it?" Tai Lung grumbled as he stood up.

"Not in the least," he confirmed. "And if you disappear again, _I_ will be the one to come after you." He paused and let the threat hang for a moment. "Now, get some sleep."

"Yes, Master." Tai Lung once again omitted his usual bow and headed for his room; he didn't exactly _want _to spend time with Lin and Shifu while he was mad at them, but there was nothing much he could do, unless he wanted to face whatever horrific punishment would await him should he decide to skip out. He supposed that if worse came to worse, Master Oogway would at least still be there.

He didn't have any reason to still be angry, though, once he thought about it; Lin and Shifu had both apologized, and in the end he was getting exactly what he'd wanted: time together like an actual family. Except that Lin was still leaving, and then things would go back to the way they'd been before she'd come to the Jade Palace. And he'd be lonely again. So, really, it was a pretty shallow victory. At least he still had one thing that he knew for sure would never let him down. At least he still had kung fu.

* * *

"Lin, open the door." As Shifu waited for Lin to allow him entrance into her room (it would be rude to just walk in, and for all he knew she could be naked for some reason or another), he reflected on how strange it was to suddenly be welcome in an area that had been off-bounds for months.

"Oh, just get in here, dummy," she called from inside.

"Your tenderness fills me with an almost indescribable warmth." He had expected her room to be completely cleaned out after an entire day, but apparently she'd had more papers to sort through than he'd realized. There were still stacks and piles all over the floor, and she'd only removed about half of her drawings and paintings from the walls. Still, the actual hardwood of the floor was _mostly_ visible, as she'd pushed the majority of her papers and belongings up against the wall.

She ignored his sarcasm and instead focused on removing the remaining artwork from the walls. "How'd it go with Tai Lung?" She grabbed an ink drawing of the peach tree, squinted at it, then shrugged and tossed it to the floor.

"I should be asking you the same question," he replied, watching her do the same to two more drawings of the grounds; he was still surprised by how carelessly she treated her artwork. "I don't know why I agreed to let you do that." He winced just thinking about that wooden spoon. Granted, there were worse punishments in existence and Lin had been mercifully brief about the spanking. Still, he'd argued when she had first suggested the idea; it had seemed cruel, despite his knowledge that most parents employed corporal punishment. Then Lin had pointed out that she'd "nailed" Tai Lung in the head with her spoon before for sneaking food, and that most of his punishments from Shifu were worse than a simple swat on the behind.

"He'll be fine," she reassured him. "I got the spoon plenty when I was a kid, and a lot worse 'an that. And look how I turned out."

"That is far from comforting." He briefly recalled instances from his childhood when his own mother had spanked him; her weapon of choice had been her bare hand. Master Oogway had never administered spankings, but then again, Master Oogway had never been a mother, either. "I heard what you said to Tai Lung, by the way. You sounded remarkably similar to a real life mom."

"Let's hope it doesn't stick," she huffed, clearly disgruntled at the suggestion that she possessed any kind of maternal instinct whatsoever.

"Why not? I think you would make a good mother." While he was mainly just baiting her for the sheer pleasure of it, he was also telling her the truth. "Aside from the brutality, of course."

"Keep mouthing off like that and I'll spank _you_, too."

"I will try not to enjoy it too much."

"Well if that's the way it's gonna be I'd rather be the one getting spanked," she shot back, completely unfazed by the racy joke.

He wished he could say the same for himself; unfortunately, he could only blush and choke on his own spit at her comeback.

"Y'know, a lotta times I wonder if it could possibly be any easier to embarrass you." She paused in her task to turn around and shoot him a mischievous grin. "The answer's always 'no.'"

He managed to pull himself together after that; he wasn't going to let himself be reduced to a gibbering idiot just because she had actually flirted with him for once. "Just as I often wonder if you will ever receive the help you need for your obvious mental problems. The answer to _that_ is always 'no,' as well. What a coincidence."

She raised her eyebrows at him, her expression distinctly unimpressed. "You can do better 'an that. You must be losing your edge."

"My apologies. I did not come in here prepared for battle." To be honest, his main goal had been to try, once again, to change her mind about leaving. He could clearly see that she wanted to stay, at least in some part. He had no way of knowing for sure she felt the same way, but in his opinion they were her family, and the Jade Palace was her home. "I actually was hoping to be more persuasive than combative."

She looked dubious. "...Whaddaya mean? You actually wanna spank me?"

"Wha- _no!_" Sometimes he wondered how he managed to get through a conversation with her without snapping and going completely insane. "No, I want you to _stay_."

She frowned, clearly not pleased with his response. "Y'know, I think I woulda preferred it if you were trying to bend me over your knee."

"Use all the innuendo you want, but you will not distract me from this conversation." Although he _could_ feel the heat rising in his face. "You have a home here," he pointed out, ignoring the way she glared at him; he didn't care how angry she became at his attempts to persuade her, he still needed to try. "I know you are afraid of being arrested and executed, but you should not leave simply because of that fear."

"Are you _brain-dead?_" she growled, her fur visibly bristling, which was a strange sight considering how on-end it was normally. "How many times do I gotta tell you that _I can't stay?_"

"Why not?" he shot back, unintimidated. "This is the safest place in all of China- perhaps in the entire _world_. And Master Oogway has a _sizable_ amount of sway with the Imperial Court- he's been friends with the past _six_ Emperors, excluding the current one. And barring that, _I_ am here, _I_ will protect you! As long as you stay in the Valley of Peace, no one will be able to _touch _you!"

"That's the point!" She threw her hands up in exasperation. "As long as I stay in the Valley of Peace. As long as I don't leave. If I decide to stay here, the Valley will become more like a _prison_ than a home! I don't want that to happen. And besides, you're right about one thing- this _is_ the safest, most peaceful place there is. So what am I supposed to do, then? Whose rights am I supposed to defend? What kind of regime am I supposed to overthrow? What is there to revolt against, to _fight for?_ Everyone here is _happy_. Everyone here is _free!_"

"I was under the impression that _that_ is a good thing!" he argued, though he knew it would do no good. Still, it was worth a try.

"It _is_ a good thing! It is a _very _good thing, and it's what people all over the world want, but don't have. How can I stay here when there are people almost _everywhere else_- literally- who need help? When I know that I have a gift that could help them? I don't mean to sound full of myself- believe it or not, I try to stay humble at least in this- but I am _good_ at what I do. I can make people stand up and _take notice_. I can make them feel like they have control over their own lives, like their children have a _future_. I can make people see that they are _worth_ something. And I worked just as hard as you have for that!" She suddenly reached out and tore one of her drawings off the wall, then waved it about in his face. "I sweated and I bled for _this!_ I went for days- weeks, even- without seeing the light of day! I didn't sleep, I didn't eat- all I did was _this!_ I threw away everything for it, gave up everything I knew, everything I had! And I nearly _died_ for it! I won't throw it all away! After all that effort, all the sacrifice, I can't just _settle down_. Not even for you." She let out a heavy sigh and dropped the crumpled drawing, though she wasn't yet done with her speech.

"Don't you understand? My whole _life_ was leading up to this. This is a threshold, the start of something completely new! These past few months have been good, and if I _did_ stay, I know that the rest of my life would be good as well. But I wouldn't be happy. I _couldn't_ be happy, knowing that I came this far, made it to this crossroad, and then just pussed out. I _have_ to keep going, I can't just stop here. Even if the rest of my life is horrible, even if I'm miserable and alone, I still won't regret a damn thing. Because I will be doing something _great_." She finished her impassioned rant, her shoulders squared, her hands balled into fists, and a fire of determination, conviction and outright stubbornness burning in her eyes that he had never seen from anyone else.

He couldn't help but marvel at her in that moment; she looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her, and he was reminded of why he'd fallen for her in the first place. Despite his admiration, though, he couldn't forget the topic they were discussing: whether she actually wanted to or not, Lin was leaving. He honestly didn't see how he could ever convince her to stay, and after she'd explained her motivation to him, he didn't think he wanted to, anyway. As much as it would hurt to let her go, he knew that it would hurt more to try to hold on to her, only to make her unhappy. Finally, he managed to give her a somewhat weak reply. "...So I take it you won't be visiting."

She let out a snort and smiled at him. "No, probably not."

They lapsed into silence a little while longer, and he felt he should say something else just to break through the awkwardness that had descended upon them. "...You _really_ didn't go outside for weeks?"

"I meant during the day," she corrected. "Though my record is about six days."

He raised his eyebrows at her, flabbergasted by the idea of spending six straight days cooped up indoors.

"Shifu, I don't think you understand my point of view. Until you've sat in the same room for thirty-six hours straight, an ink brush in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other, you haven't truly lived."

He just stared unblinkingly at her for a very long time. Then, finally, he furrowed his brow and spoke. "...You're an alcoholic, aren't you?"

"Pff, like I care," she dismissed. "Besides, it's not like it's _hard_ to stay inside for so long. At least, it wasn't when I lived with Wei-Shan. With Chen it was _torture_- especially when he got in the mood to lecture. At least with Wei-Shan I had a view." From the way she waggled her eyebrows, he doubted she was talking about what she had seen from the windows.

"Will you stop that, already?" he huffed, irritated; of course, he knew it was preposterous to think she wouldn't find other men attractive, not to mention unreasonable to expect her to have eyes only for him in that respect. However, that didn't mean he needed to _hear_ about it whenever she did.

She actually rolled her eyes at him. "Relax. You're acting like a man I ain't see in three years is a threat. You think I'd be saying any of that stuff if I'd actually had a chance with the guy?"

"Yes! Yes I do!" He didn't care if she thought he was acting ridiculous; he didn't like hearing her talk that way about _anyone_ beside himself, let alone a man she had lived with. "Were you in love with him?"

She stared back at him a moment, then let out a loud snort and started laughing.

"Of course you are laughing at me." He threw his hands up in frustration. "What else did I expect?"

"H-hold on," she stammered out between giggles, then sat down in her bed, apparently unable to support herself because of her hearty laughter. "You're ridiculous," she sighed when she finally seemed to be finished. "I can't believe you really asked me that."

Shifu tried very hard not to feel like an idiot. "I take it that your answer is no."

"That's right," she confirmed. "I mean, I had a _crush_ on Wei-Shan. It's not really the same thing, though. It was a dumb teenaged crush, nothing more 'an that. I'm not sure what you're thinking, but I don't fall for _every_ good-looking older man I meet, y'know."

Despite the fact that he knew better, he still needed to ask, "You think I'm good-looking?"

"Nah, I was talking about someone else."

"Oh," he grumbled.

She laughed at him again. "That was a joke! Y'know, half the time I'm around you I feel like I'm in some cheesy romantic story about star-crossed lovers and all that stupid crap. And even though I think everything remotely romantic is a buncha stupid crap, I can't help but like it." She shook her head, her expression somewhat confused. "Just don't go thinking this pile of love garbage ain't a big deal to me, 'cause it is."

"Your eloquence almost moves me to tears," he remarked sarcastically, smiling when she laughed. "Do me a favor and don't leave me any love letters."

"Like I would ever _write_ one." She leaned back into her many pillows and burrowed a little deeper into her bed- it was more like a nest, really. "Now get over here."

"You truly know the words to melt a man's heart." He crossed the room and sat down next to her, letting out a grunt as he sunk into the pillows. "I feel as though I am being eaten alive," he informed her as he attempted to find a firmer spot. He failed, of course.

"Don't mess up my bed," she huffed. "It took me a long time to get it the way I like."

"You are honestly mind-boggling." He gave up on his battle with the pillows and settled for sitting up as straight as he could, his arms crossed. "You act as if you are tough as nails, and yet you have the kind of bed a five-year-old dreams of."

"I'll take that as a compliment." From the way she was eyeing him, it was clear that she was only barely listening to him.

"What?" He grumbled, waiting for her to insult him or poke him in an uncomfortable spot.

"You crack me up," she replied, then reached up, grabbed the back of his collar, and yanked. "When I said 'get over here,' I didn't mean, 'sit two feet away from me and act like there's a stick up your ass.'"

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a master of seduction?" he shot back sarcastically, but let her pull him back into her irritatingly soft bed anyway.

"Meanwhile, trying to get you to make out with me is like pulling teeth, tonight," she replied, though she made no further advances toward him.

"Well, if that is what you want, then why are you not kissing me?" he prodded.

"I think you know why." She shot him that smile of hers, then gave his mustache a gentle tug.

It occurred to him as he managed to extract himself from the sinkhole of pillows enough to lean over her and kiss her that, as a master of kung fu, he really should have had more self-control. Especially when she loudly slapped her hand on his rear-end, then chuckled lecherously into his mouth. Still, there were worse ways to spend an evening. At least, that was what he told himself as she broke their kiss to amorously inform him that he had "junk" in his "trunk." After all, their time together was limited, and he wanted to enjoy every last moment of it- no matter how strange or unnerving.

* * *

A/N: Well, we're really nearing the end here. I'm kind of having a hard time believing it! Hopefully everything will go relatively smoothly.

Some notes on content: there was some inspiration from my own childhood in this chapter. I used to do exactly what Mimi did, since I was an insanely small child (and my mother made the mistake of enrolling me in gymnastics). And of course, the spoon. The spoon is a threat to many a small child of Italian descent. I only received it once, when I was five, but the memory had been seared into my mind for all eternity. Good times! Also, limoncello is a lemon liquer that Italian lemon farmers sometimes make homemade (for their families and to sell). Finally, I owe my chapter title to a quote from the ever-classy Sophia Loren.

Next up: Lin's last day, and all that that implies.


	35. Do Not Eat to Live, Live to Eat

A/N: First off, I apologize for once again being late. Real life has not been kind to me. On the bright side, this is the longest chapter in the fic... So at least you got some extra reading out of it. I would also like to take this opportunity to say thank you again to the readers and reviewers. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 35: Do Not Eat to Live, Live to Eat

* * *

While most men would have been thrilled to wake up beside the object of their affections, none of them had ever woken up next to Lin, a woman whose very existence defied everything there was to know about love. And, in most cases, those men would have woken up after a night of passion, rather than a night of being repeatedly punched in the crotch by their unconscious partner. Nor had any of them woken up in the world's mushiest bed, like Shifu had; his back was killing him from the lack of support. "Oof!" he grunted when Lin flung her arm out, thankfully hitting him in the stomach this time.

He should have woken her up, after the abuse she'd put him through all night long. And yet he didn't. She looked so peaceful and contented that he couldn't bring himself to snap her out of it. He knew what she'd say if she knew he'd been watching her sleep, of course- that he was a creep and a stalker. That wasn't going to stop him. This day was going to be absolutely perfect, and nothing was going to ruin it, not even Lin's attitude.

Speaking of whom, she snorted and squeezed his stomach, where her hand had landed to rest. "What is this tub of lard next to me?" she muttered, her voice a little raspy.

"I assure you that I am laughing on the inside." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her flush against him, and she miraculously did not argue. "I love you," he added, just because.

She burped in his face in response.

"Never mind," he coughed, trying to wave the foul morning breath smell away to no avail.

"I love you, too," she yawned, completely ignoring his plight.

"Your antics are not going to get to me today," he informed her, still waving at the air with one hand. "It is your last day here and it is going to be perfect."

"Whatever you say," she dismissed, but helped him realize his vision of the perfect day by kissing him on the cheek and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Tell me, what would you like to do today?" He knew he was taking a big chance by asking her, but he held out hope that she would be merciful.

"Well, first I wanna flick you in the nutsack," she replied, then did so.

"Hey!" he huffed, batting her hand away from his already tender nether regions.

"Then I think I wanna finish cleaning out this damn room. After that I'll play it by ear." She reached up and gave his left ear a tug for emphasis.

"Is this your version of flirting?" he grunted, grabbing both of her wrists to keep her from poking or prodding him again. "Because if it is, I am not sure how much more of it I can take."

"You'll take it and you'll like it," she ordered, then gave him a surprisingly gentle kiss. Of course, the moment he let go of her she grabbed onto his sides and squeezed. "Honk honk," she intoned in a nasal voice. "Y'know why they call 'em love handles, right?"

"Because I would _love_ to roll you down the mountain's thousand steps right now?" he guessed, attempting to push her off of him.

"Oh, you're no fun," she huffed, then gave him one last poke in the stomach before she rolled off of him and pushed herself into a sitting position with a loud groan. "Guess I'll just hafta get started on all _this_ shit." She paused to look around the room, clearly procrastinating. "So... You want any of it?"

"What?" He sat up, wincing as his back cracked like an old man's would. "You would just... Give it up?"

"No use in carrying everything with me." She paused to stretch, arching her back, and he politely averted his gaze. "Drawings, paintings, they're all disposable," she sighed. "If you don't want 'em, I can just use 'em to start up my campfires."

"Absolutely not," he argued immediately, turning back to her. "You cannot dispose of any of this." He didn't understand why she would want to burn any of her work to begin with. In his opinion, all of it was wonderful.

"You want it, then?" she shot back.

"Yes." He supposed he could use a keepsake, anyway. Or rather, several hundred keepsakes. "I would not dream of throwing them out. And I assure that they will all be... Greatly appreciated."

She snorted at him, but blushed a little bit. "Sometimes I just gotta wonder if you're for real, the shit that comes outta your mouth."

"I will take that as a compliment." He assumed she meant that he was being "sweet" again- leave it to Lin to refer to a person's attributes as flavors.

"Next thing I know you'll be out picking flowers again, you big mushy blockhead."

"Do not act like you don't want me to," he accused, then gave her a taste of her own medicine and poked her in her side, where he knew she was ticklish.

"Ack!" Despite the terrifying noises she made, she seemed amused. Then, she reached out and placed her hands on his shoulders; he thought he had a kiss coming, but as it turned out she was simply using him as leverage to push herself to her feet. "You might as well help me get all this crap sorted out, since you're gonna be taking it."

"I suppose so." While he would have liked to remain in bed for a little bit longer, he knew the penalty for such an act would be more poking and prodding from Lin. "Since it is your last day here... Well, I could take care of meals. If you would like."

"No offense," she began, which was a good indicator that she was about to insult him, "but I don't wanna spend my last day in luxury eating burnt up pieces of shit. It kinda ruins the mood."

"I only offered so you would not have to cook," he grumbled as he stood up.

"Yeah, you got a point. I kinda don't wanna spend all day cooking, either."

He glared at her back as she rolled up a stack of papers, waiting for her to suggest something, but she just remained silent. "So what should we do about that?" he finally asked, annoyed. "Just starve?"

"I can make rice porridge yet again for breakfast," she offered. "That's easy, and the morning gong's probably still an hour off yet, anyway. Then for lunch I got some vegetables that need to be eaten, and I always thought fresh vegetables were nice on a warm day. Those with cold tofu would be tasty, right? For dinner... I'm drawing a blank."

Shifu knew her well enough to know that she wasn't drawing a blank, but simply _wanted_ something. What she was aiming for, though, he had no idea. "...Alright. I give up," he sighed. "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing," she answered innocently, then batted her eyes at him over her shoulder, most likely because she knew how much the gesture would get to him. "I was just thinking it might be nice to get out, y'know? Maybe go to a restaurant or something."

"Very well, we will go to a restaurant," he sighed, even though he knew the moment he agreed she would go back to acting like some uncouth street urchin. Which, he supposed he would have to admit, was what she actually was.

"Oh, good, 'cause I been eyeing this noodle place for _weeks_." She definitely perked up at his agreement, an excited smile spreading across her face. "I always hear people talking about the secret ingredient soup. Oh, and I want bean buns, too. I ain't had one of those in... I think it's been five years, by now." She seemed happier about their prospective meal than anyone should ever be over something so small. Then again, she'd always gotten worked up about little things, whether they be a visit to a restaurant or a simple rainbow. In a way, it was really rather cute.

"Is it safe to assume from your reaction that the bill for tonight's meal will be exorbitant?" He honestly wouldn't be surprised if she ordered one of everything on the menu.

"Absolutely." At least she was being honest. "Anyway, if I'm gonna have breakfast ready by the time Tai Lung wakes up, I better get started on it now."

"Perhaps I should see if Master Oogway would like to join us," he offered.

Lin raised her eyebrows at him, apparently surprised. "Y'know, you've come a long way from eating alone in bed like a depressed teenager with an eating disorder."

"I never ate _in bed_," he huffed, crossing his arms. "Just because I ate my meals alone-"

"In bed," she added, then headed for the door. "And can you do me a favor and take care of... All this?" She indicated her entire room, clearly talking about the explosion of artwork she was leaving behind. "Thanks." With that, she was gone.

"Some things never change," he grumbled to himself as he surveyed the mess he'd been left to clean up. He would take care of it for Lin, since it was her last day with them, but not without a healthy amount of complaining. First and foremost, though, he needed to find Master Oogway (not a difficult task, considering the old turtle went through his morning routine like clockwork). He quietly snuck out of the barracks, just in case Lin had any more demands for him. Not that he wouldn't be happy to fulfill any of them- he just didn't want to get sidetracked. After all, he could use a conversation with his master.

Of course, it was easy enough to find Master Oogway in the midst of his morning tai chi underneath the sacred peach tree, serene as usual. "What did you do now?"

"Nothing," he huffed, though he had to say he _had_ set a precedence. "I was in fact hoping you could join us for breakfast, Master."

"That sounds lovely." Oogway brought his feet closer together to begin his cool down. "I must say, you are taking Lin's departure much better than I ever could have imagined," he commented, though Shifu didn't see what was so surprising about him being able to keep his act together.

"I do not have much of a choice," he pointed out. "I must set an example for Tai Lung. And I doubt Lin would want to see me acting like... Well, you understand."

"There is nothing wrong with feeling sad about losing someone you love," the old master gently pointed out. "Lin would understand that."

"Obviously, she has never called _you_ a paunchy old woman and smacked _you_ in the back of the head," he huffed, massaging his temple at the very thought of how Lin would react if he even began to entertain the notion of falling to pieces. Somehow he doubted that her taking potshots at his masculinity would make for the best memories to have on their last day together.

"I think you are underestimating her emotional sensitivity." He paused a moment and looked Shifu in the eye, but neither of them could keep from snorting at the sentiment.

"That was a good one."

"No, no," Oogway chuckled, shaking his head. "As amusing as the notion is, I was sincere." He bent down to pick up his staff, then lightly knocked on the peach tree with it to knock off one of the dwindling fruits, catching it as easily as if the tree had been aiming for him.

"Is this the portion of the conversation when you compare Lin to a peach and me to some other fruit and then tell me a metaphor that I won't figure out until five years from now?"

The old master stared at him for a moment, then licked his lips and raised one claw. "Specifically... You are an apple."

"Oh." Frankly, Shifu was surprised he'd even gotten it right. "...Why is Lin a peach, again?"

"Fuzzy on the outside, sweet on the inside," he clarified.

"Deep, deep down on the inside," Shifu added. "Wait- what does that mean for me, if I'm an apple? Am I _waxy_ on the outside? Do I have seeds in me? Is that the metaphor?"

He simply smiled and shook his head, clearly amused by the questions. "I will tell you the metaphor. Listen carefully, though- you'll want to make that five-year deadline." Oogway paused and pointed to the peach tree of heavenly wisdom.

"...I'm a tree?" He didn't quite get what his master was trying to say to him, not that that was anything new.

"No, no," Oogway chuckled. "Look at the peach tree. It may seem frail, but it is persistent. If I chop off all of its branches, even if I chop away most of the trunk, it will survive. Not only will it survive, but it will continue to grow. Do you know why?"

"Ahm..." He searched hard for the correct answer, but still came up empty. "...Magic?"

"Because it has _roots_."

"Right, that was my second choice." He supposed he would have to mull that one over for a while, if he really _was_ going to figure it out in the next five years. "Roots. I will remember that."

Oogway just smiled at him. "Good."

"...I should get back to the barracks before Lin notices I'm gone."

Oogway's laughter at that comment was less than comforting, but he had probably walked right into it. Perhaps he _was_ "whipped"; perhaps he was an apple and Lin was a peach- whatever that meant. For this one day, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that nothing went wrong.

* * *

Lin sighed as she squinted down at the rice porridge in her pot. She could hear Shifu in her room across the hall, cursing her name as he waded through all of the artwork she'd created in the past three months. It was pretty depressing to imagine the room she'd made so comfortable, the first room that had been all her own in three years, was being cleaned out. She was glad, actually, that she didn't have to finish the task on her own.

"Ever rigorous in your duties, I see," a benign elderly voice greeted from behind her. "How are you feeling this morning? Shifu did not keep you up with his snoring, did he?"

"Nah," she replied, turning around to smile at Oogway. "Apparently _I_ punch in my sleep, though."

"How fitting," he chuckled, then sat down at the kitchen table. "I am not too early, am I?"

"If you ask me, there's no such thing. Not when it comes to breakfast, anyway. Sex, on the other hand-"

The old master held up a hand to cut her off. "I already know that about Shifu," he informed her politely.

She stared at him a moment before she actually got the joke. "Hah!"

"What's so funny?" Tai Lung shuffled into the kitchen, yawning.

"Nothing." Lin doubted that either Shifu _or_ Tai Lung would appreciate her repeating the joke.

"I probably don't wanna know anyway, right?" he asked dubiously as he dropped down into his seat.

"Definitely not," Oogway confirmed.

Tai Lung took a moment to eye each of them curiously. "...I need more friends my own age," he concluded.

"Well, you'd need to go down to the village more often for that," Lin pointed out. "Speaking of which, you'll never guess what we're gonna do tonight."

"Mourn your departure with a candlelight vigil?" he guessed sarcastically.

She decided to let it slide. "No, smartass. We're going into the village for dinner!"

"How delightful." Oogway smiled widely at the news. "It will certainly be a wonderful bonding opportunity for the three of you."

"You're invited, too." She didn't know why he would assume he wasn't. "You're kinda like the grandpa in our makeshift little family unit."

"In other words, the babysitter," Tai Lung added.

"Oh, quit it," Lin huffed as she grabbed some bowls and started spooning porridge into them. "You're too young to be acting so cynical just yet."

"Aren't you the one who's always saying I can do anything if I put my mind to it?" he shot back.

She simultaneously placed his porridge in front of him and gave him a light smack upside the head. "Do me a favor and save your breath for cooling your porridge."

"I am touched by your invitation, and the sentiment," Oogway pitched in, "and the ensuing argument. However, I think you, Shifu, and Tai Lung should have some time together- just the three of you. Besides, I have a significant amount of meditation to tend to."

"If you insist," she conceded, though she had to wonder whether he was actually planning to meditate for that long; she supposed spiritual people like him would have an easier time just... Sitting for so long, though. She would have asked, but she was interrupted before she had the chance.

"You are eating breakfast without me?" Shifu came rushing into the kitchen as if they were planning on starving him to death. "Why did you start without me?"

"The important thing is that you're here now," she reassured, then set a bowl of rice porridge at his place and watched as he sat down and practically tore through it.

"And by the way, I am not going to spend this entire day doing chores for you."

"And I'm not gonna watch you eat," she shot back. "It's grossing me out."

"You guys _both_ eat like grossers," Tai Lung pitched in. "Every time I'm at the table with you it's like watching a couple of feral savages fight over a corpse."

Every adult at the table took some time to stare at him, before Lin broke the silence to voice what had been on her mind. "I thought you guys were keeping an eye on what he reads," she directed at both Shifu and Oogway.

"I have a high capacity for retention," Tai Lung answered for her.

"Well retain this: not all 'savages' are cannibals, or even savage for that matter, and you should be ashamed for making that kinda generalization about a culture you have never experienced for yourself," she scolded. "Furthermore, cannibalistic cultures only do so ritually, to pass on the power of their dead." She could tell from the confused look on Shifu's face that it wasn't quite the lecture he'd had in mind.

"...Yes," he agreed hesitantly. "That."

"Okay." Tai Lung turned back to his breakfast, also looking somewhat confused. "I'm sorry."

"As well you should be." She finally sat down at the table and took a pointedly dainty bite of her porridge. "Besides, I don't eat like a grosser- I am a perfect lady."

"Lin, I have been alive for nearly one thousand years," Oogway politely informed her. "I have seen nations rise and fall, dynasties begin and end, and I have seen war after war waged. Yet I have never, in all that time, seen anyone as full of it as you are."

Lin burst into laughter at the assertion, while Shifu was busy looking horrified and sputtering at Tai Lung's query as to what "it" was, exactly. These were the moments she was really going to miss. And she doubted she would ever find a place that felt quite so much like home as the Jade Palace; she wondered if she would ever even come close.

* * *

"No, you cannot get a tattoo," Shifu firmly informed Tai Lung for what seemed like the fiftieth time since Lin had brought them through a "shortcut" to the noodle restaurant she was so excited to visit. While the Valley of Peace mostly lived up to its name, there was still a certain faction of the population that was... Well, like Lin. And she had decided to lead them along a route that was populated mostly by those people, hence the tattoo shops and bars that lined the streets. He supposed that he could at least be grateful there were no brothels in sight.

"I'll bet _Lin_ has a tattoo," Tai Lung muttered dejectedly, perking up at the sight of a passing boar who was practically covered in the things.

"Not yet," she confessed, though she did sound wistful about her lack of markings. "The fewer distinguishing marks I got, the better."

"Tattoos are improper, anyway, unless they are religious." He shuddered to think of his son one day being as densely decorated as that boar had been.

"Most guys only get tattoos to look tough, anyway," Lin dismissed. "And when you _are_ tough, you don't gotta _look_ tough. Which explains why your dad's so goofy looking, I guess."

"It is always a pleasure to know how highly you think of me," Shifu grumbled, then reached up to cover Tai Lung's ears as they passed a particularly raucous bar from which a few choice phrases emanated. "I am guessing that it is the height of happy hour."

"They sure as hell _sound_ happy," Lin agreed as she longingly eyed the less than respectable establishment.

He honestly could not understand her unnatural love for all things unsavory, particularly bar fights. "Don't you dare think about going in there."

"You know I can still hear everything, right?" Tai Lung interjected, and he let go of the boy's ears, embarrassed.

"Oh, I wouldn't-" She stopped mid-sentence, though, when a shout and a crash could clearly be heard from the bar, topped off by a large lizard flying out the door and landing squarely on his face. Lin, of course, looked like a fly who'd just gotten a whiff of honey. "Wait here," she ordered, then turned to run headlong into the ruckus.

"I can help," Tai Lung added, following her lead.

Shifu managed to grab them both before they bolted, though just barely. "Not on your lives," he snapped, glaring back and forth between them. "We are going to spend some _quality time_ together." He did not want this excursion turning into the same kind of disaster the rest of the day had dissolved into. A walk around the grounds that had inexplicably become a savage mud fight, a four-way game of mahjong between all of them that had resulted in Lin calling them all filthy names and threatening to cut them up, and an attempt to go swimming that had gone sour when Lin insisted on doing so in the nude had been some of the highlights of their _interesting_ day together.

"We _could_ spend quality time if you'd come with us," Tai Lung argued, straining toward the bar fight. "We could totally kick some major butt together."

"A true master of kung fu never fights except to defend the innocent," Shifu scolded, then gave both him and Lin a hard yank. "Those are a bunch of drunken ruffians, and were are not going to go anywhere near them. Now, we are going to dinner. _Period_."

"Yes, Master," he muttered, sounding as if he'd just been denied a sugary dessert.

"'Ruffians?' I can't believe you're allowed out in public," Lin grumbled, but followed him when he let go of her and walked as quickly as possible away from the bar. "By the way, I think _I_ should lead, seeing as I'm the only one who knows where we're going." With that, she suddenly veered left and headed down a narrow side street, and he had to wonder if she had made the decision right at that moment.

"There is no need to act so disgruntled," Shifu huffed, watching Tai Lung from the corner of his eye to make sure the boy didn't try to make a break for it and join in that bar fight. "I am sure that you will have plenty of opportunities to grapple with the dregs of society once you set out on your travels."

"Yeah," she sighed, "but bar fights here are so much _friendlier_. I mean, no one's going for the kill."

"It is enough to make one feel all warm and fuzzy inside," he replied sarcastically. "Tell me, do you all break out into song at the end, as well?"

"It sounds like good, clean fun to me," Tai Lung replied hopefully.

Shifu frowned at him, far from amused. "If I _ever_ find out that you have engaged in activities even slightly reminiscent of a bar brawl, I will disown you."

"But I guess it's cute when _Lin_ does it," he grumbled under his breath, crossing his arms.

He would have scolded Tai Lung for his behavior, but Lin beat him to it with a smack upside the head, to boot.

"Quit being a sourpuss," she ordered, then turned down yet another winding side street. "Nobody likes a whiner."

"What she said," Shifu added.

"Besides, you got plenty of time to get into brawls when you're older," Lin added unhelpfully. "And you'll probably be traveling the world, fighting other kung fu types, y'know. This small time stuff just ain't up your alley." She gave the boy a comforting pat on the shoulder, and he seemed a bit cheered up by it.

Shifu just hoped he didn't take her words too seriously, or at the very least forgot about the suggestion that he could actually get into senseless fights simply for fun. "Let us change the subject of conversation, shall we?" He didn't want her to put any more ideas into Tai Lung's head than she already had.

"We can talk about dinner," she offered. "Since we're here."

"We are?" He blinked as they emerged onto a main street, a large circular doorway leading into an outdoor dining area in front of them, the mouth-watering smells of a busy kitchen and the chatter of satisfied customers drifting toward them. "How did we... Weren't we just on the other side of town?"

"You'd think so," she answered without actually addressing his question, then turned to Tai Lung. "You ever been out to a restaurant, kid?"

"Nope. Master Shifu thinks it's undisciplined and a waste of time and money." He eyed the restaurant, as if he were debating with himself whether to believe the sentiment (the delicious scent of noodles in the air was probably convincing him otherwise).

"Apparently he's the authority," she scoffed, probably displeased by Shifu's disregard for anything having to do with food or cooking.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably under her scrutiny and headed for the restaurant; he was not up for a fight at the moment. "Well, we had better get a table before they all fill up."

"You know what you want?" Lin asked as they entered the courtyard and he scanned the place for an empty table.

"Not yet."

"Okay, I'll grab a table and you guys go up and order- and remember, I want the secret ingredient soup and the bean buns. And get a pot of tea for the table, too. And something sweet for dessert, since we're out we might as well enjoy it, y'know. And _don't_ try to get anything healthy, _or else_." She didn't wait for a response, and instead disappeared into a crowd of fellow patrons in search of a seat; apparently dinner was serious business to her.

"She's kinda intimidating when she gets like that," Tai Lung admitted as they joined the queue in front of the kitchen, straining to see the rather small sign that listed the place's menu.

Shifu leaned over to peer around the line as well, not surprised to find that most of the items listed were noodle dishes. "I suppose it would explain how she's survived on her own so far," he reasoned, taking comfort in the knowledge that as long as she was wise enough not to pick fights with the wrong kinds of people, Lin would be relatively alright. He tried not to think about how she _thrived_ on picking fights with the wrong kinds of people.

"Could you imagine being a bandit, expecting to rob some defenseless girl, and getting a face full of _that?_" Tai Lung nodded toward Lin as she practically plowed through a group of children in order to beat an elderly man to the last free table in the restaurant.

"I would most likely be scarred for life." He winced as she waved energetically at them to make sure they would be able to find her after ordering, thus confirming to everyone in the area who'd been slighted by her that they were together. "In fact, I have already been scarred for life several times over."

"Just think of how much she's probably messed _me_ up, by now. _I'm_ at a critical stage of development." Tai Lung eyed the menu one more time. "I think I want the secret ingredient soup, too. Everyone keeps talking about it, and now I want it."

"Might as well make it three," he sighed, pretending not to see Lin as she made ridiculous faces at them from across the courtyard. He placed their order as quickly as possible with the goose who apparently ran the place, so he could at least attempt to keep half the village from witnessing her humiliating behavior. "Stop making faces," he hissed as he sat down next to her on the bench, and Tai Lung sat across from them. "You look like you have mental problems. People are going to think I'm your handler."

She just laughed at the scolding. "Wow, you're sick." The statement was apparently more complementary than anything else.

"Am I gonna have to remind you guys that you're informing the majority of my preadolescent experience?" Tai Lung asked with surprising sincerity as he leaned on the table, folding his arms in front of him.

"You seem to be laboring under the assumption that we _don't_ wanna screw you up," she shot back, grinning at him.

"I'm pretty sure that if you _wanted_ to screw me up I would've been through a lot worse by now."

"You never know, you coulda blocked it from your memory in a subconscious effort to minimize the damage to your psyche."

"This is not dinner table conversation," Shifu interrupted, though it clearly was- for them, anyway. Still, it was Lin's last dinner with them, and he would have preferred it to be just a little more normal. "Could we please discuss something... Proper?"

Lin burst into laughter at the request, and Tai Lung even snorted in amusement at it.

He should have known that he'd inspire such a reaction. "Very well, convince the entire valley that we abuse Tai Lung. It is not as if my reputation hasn't already been irreversibly tarnished in the past three months."

"Okay," she agreed.

"Hey," Tai Lung added loudly, just as the owner's son approached with their tea, "remember that time Lin _beat me_ with a large wooden instrument?" The young goose stopped dead, just as he was leaning down to set down their pot, then seemed to shrug off the strange comment and went about serving them anyway.

"You are doing laps until the end of time," Shifu snapped as soon as their sever had gone, then poured himself a cup of tea; he was going to need it. "And why are you still making faces?" he directed at Lin, who was leaning around him and baring her teeth, her eyes bulging.

"She's sticking her tongue out at me," she replied, indicating a toddler two tables over.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as, for some unknown reason, she and Tai Lung began splashing hot tea back and forth across the table at each other. He had a feeling that it was going to be a _long_ meal.

* * *

For the first time in a very long time, Shifu found himself staring up at the sky and actually _looking_ at the stars. He did look at them occasionally, but never for very long or with the kind of appreciation that he knew he should have. His contemplation of the heavens above was briefly interrupted by some gas, which came about in the form of a burp; the noodle shop Lin had brought them to had been an unexpected delight, and he'd stuffed himself quite a bit. The fresh air was making him feel a little less full and sluggish, which was why he'd decided to sit out on the barracks porch while Lin saw Tai Lung off to bed. He sincerely hoped she wasn't telling him any colorful stories about her past- the less the boy knew about Lin's long list of transgressions, the better.

"Hey, whatchya up to?" Just then, Lin appeared in the barracks doorway, though rather than joining him at the steps she remained standing, awash in the warm light of her lantern. "Thinking about dessert?"

"Definitely not," he replied flatly, but he probably could go for a little something sweet, since she mentioned it. He was not about to admit that, though. "Is Tai Lung attempting to sleep?"

"Not willingly." She set her lantern down on the ground, then folded her arms in front of her and leaned on the door frame.

"We should probably get to bed," he pointed out. "Especially you, if you are going to have enough energy to start traveling in the morning."

"I wouldn't fall asleep anyway," she dismissed. "I can never sleep the night before I set out some place new- and it doesn't get much newer 'an where I'm headed. Well, I passed through before, but that was a long time ago."

"It occurs to me that I have no idea where you are planning to go," he admitted. "'West' is a bit vague, after all."

"Hm. Dunno if I should say exactly where." She completely avoided eye contact with him, which was nothing new for her. "Y'see, I dunno if anyone should really know where to find me. Not that I won't be moving around a lot as it is, but... You understand."

"Not particularly." While he would have liked to avoid arguing with her so close to her departure, there was apparently no avoiding it. "Do you think I would just run around shouting your location from the rooftops?"

"No," she huffed. "I just... Well, if you tried to write me a letter or something it might gimme trouble. Not to mention I wouldn't want it, anyway."

"First of all, I would not be idiotic enough to write a letter to someone trying to hide from the authorities," he grumbled, glaring at her. "Second, why would you not want a letter from me?"

"People write letters to each other under the assumption that they'll be seeing each other relatively soon," she pointed out. "If I even did come back at all, it wouldn't be for a good few decades. And... It'd just be... Painful, I guess is the word."

He was honestly surprised by her answer; he wouldn't have thought she would feel such a way- that it would be painful for her to think about him, when she couldn't be with him. "And here I was starting to think that you were not too upset about leaving."

"Whaddaya mean?" she asked, a hard edge to her voice that normally meant he'd said something offensive.

"All I am saying is that you have seemed more cheerful than I had expected," he replied carefully, hoping he could at least soothe her with the right wording. "It gives the impression that you are... _Happy_ to be going. Sometimes you even seem _excited_."

"Well there's a simple explanation for that," she replied. "It's 'cause I _am_."

"...What?" He blinked at her, confused. "You _want_ to leave?"

"I'm not saying I don't wanna stay with you," she amended, frowning at his reaction. "If I had to pick an ideal scenario, then I'd still be getting the hell outta China, but you guys'd come with me. I know that's not gonna happen any more 'an it's possible for me to stay here, though. Anyway, I can't hide the fact that I wanna see the world. And I can't pretend I'm not excited at the idea of doing just that."

"So what is this to you, then?" he asked harshly, bristling at the news that she couldn't wait to bolt. "Is this just another story to put into your collection?"

"You don't gotta get so defensive about it," she snapped. "If I asked you to leave the Valley of Peace, _would you?_"

"That is not-"

"Don't even!" she interrupted his argument. "Don't even tell me it's not the same thing, 'cause it is! I like to travel, you like to stay put. That's how we live our lives, and it ain't compatible. Can't you just accept that instead of biting my head off and acting like I don't love you?"

"If you love me, then why can't you even _consider_ staying here?" he shot back. "When you love someone, you should be willing to sacrifice-"

"_Sacrifice?_" she repeated incredulously. "So, what? _I'm_ the only one who should be sacrificing anything here? _I'm_ the one who should drop everything to fit neatly into _your_ life? Is that how this works?"

"How can you enjoy the life you lead?" He finally stood up so he wouldn't have to strain to look her in the eye and fight with her. "You have no home, no roots, no friends, no _family-_ you are alone, when you refuse to settle down! Don't you want to make a _life_ for yourself!"

"Not everyone wants _your_ life!" she shouted back, giving him a hard poke in the chest. "You think I wanna end up alone! Nobody wants that! But it's better 'an living a life I _hate_. If you think I'm just gonna walk away from here and be all happy-go-lucky without you around, then you're dead wrong! But I can't be happy if I stay here, feeling like some trapped housewife, either! If I leave I'm unhappy, and if I stay I'm unhappy, so _forgive me_ for trying to find _something_ to look forward to in this no-win situation!"

"You are so completely self-centered! You think you are the only one this affects? Tai Lung is _crushed_-"

"Stop it! Stop talking about how much this is gonna hurt _Tai Lung!_ I _know_ he's upset, I've been _interacting_ with him, y'know! _For once_, just tell me how _you_ feel!"

"How do you _think_ I feel!" He was fairly certain their argument had become loud enough to wake half the village below up, but he didn't care. "Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to actually _love you_ in the first place? Do have any inkling of how much of myself I had to leave vulnerable- _exposed!_ I know you will probably make fun of me for how silly this sounds, but I gave my heart to you! I gave _everything _to you and you are just _leaving_ as if it doesn't even matter! As if I am worthless to you!" Once he realized how much of a fool he'd just made of himself he shut up and reigned himself in again, hoping that Lin would at least hold herself back from mocking him.

However, in a completely unforeseeable turn of events, she appeared to be speechless.

He couldn't just walk away from her like he would have with any other fight; this wasn't the type of fight one could walk away from, and even so, she was leaving in the morning. He didn't want this to be the last exchange between them. Still, he found himself unable to break the silence, so he stood there, floundering.

Then, in a quiet, tremulous voice he would have never expected to hear from her in a million years, she simply said, "I'm sorry."

He had no clue how to react to that; he wasn't used to her apologizing at all, let alone giving up a fight in order to do so. And she seemed sincere, too, which was the real source of his shock. "I, uhm... What?"

With a heavy sigh, she leaned back against the door frame, very clearly conceding in their argument. "You're right. I never really thought too much about how you'd feel about it... And, no offense, but I guess I still have trouble believing you actually care that much. Anyway, you're right about me being self-centered. And I'm sorry. And for the record, you're not worthless to me- not by a long shot."

"This is very unusual, this you admitting I'm right thing," he informed her, still dazed from the apology. "You will have to give me some time to adjust."

"Hilarious," she huffed, then poked him in the stomach. "Real funny."

"I am not joking," he informed her, glad that the tension between them was slowly dissipating. "I know you feel as though leaving is your only option. And I know you are not doing so because you don't care about me. I just... Want you here. With me."

"Oh, okay," she muttered, a light blush rising in her cheeks. "I'm glad you yelled at me," she added.

"...Why?"

"'Cause you tend to hold stuff in and let it eat away at you, and that's not healthy," she clarified, then reached out to straighten his collar. "And you should know that... You're not alone. With that whole feeling exposed thing. It's been hard for me, too, all this falling in love stuff."

"I can tell by your lyrical prose that you are sincere on the matter," he pointed out sarcastically, and let her fix his collar even though it was already perfectly straight.

She only smiled at him, then leaned up to give him a brief, sweet kiss. "Can we relax, now?"

"I suppose," he agreed; he didn't want to spend the next few hours fighting, either, so he might as well follow her approach and try to enjoy their time together. "It _is_ our last night together. What would you like to do?"

"Shifu," she replied flatly. "We are alone together, in the middle of the night, and we may never see each other again. I think your answer's pretty obvious."

He should have known. "Alright, then. Let's do it."

* * *

"Oh God," Lin sighed as she leaned back, letting her eyes droop as she bathed in a warm, happy afterglow. "I needed that _so much_."

"Me too," Shifu replied. "It has been far too long."

"We probably shouldn'ta done this... I'm gonna be sore in the morning, now." She couldn't keep the satisfied smile off her face, though, as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "But it's worth it."

"Absolutely," he agreed. "You are amazing."

She felt herself blush a bit at the compliment. After all, he did not give out praise flippantly, and certainly not when he didn't mean it. "I'm glad you think so." She paused, then, watching him as he closed his eyes and mirrored her contented smile. "...You're not down for the count, are you?"

His eyes flew open and he blinked at her, looking startled. "What?"

"Well, we still got the whole night ahead of us. And _I_, for one, am ready for more." She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to take her up on the challenge.

"I... Don't know if I can," he admitted sheepishly.

"Aw, c'mon, old man. I know you got a little more stamina 'an _that_." She placed one hand gently on his stomach and gave him another kiss. "You just gotta make _room_." With that, she pressed down on his stomach, pushing out a loud belch.

"Ack!" He batted her hand away, frowning at her, but his expression soon softened. "...I actually feel better, now."

"Toldya!" She grinned smugly at her small triumph. "So, whaddaya say? You up for more dessert?"

"Oh, what the hell," he sighed. "I might as well."

"Great, 'cause I am in the mood for some _pie!_" Lin jumped out of her seat at the kitchen table and headed toward the array of half-eaten desserts she'd been preparing over the past few days to cut a few slices of her peach pie; they had already polished off the remainder of the almond cookies, candied oranges, and the entirety of the fried bananas she had made that night. "Was this or was this not a good idea?" she prodded. "I mean, nothing beats a late-night dessert buffet."

"So you do this often?"

"Not really. I mean, you gotta have the means for a dessert buffet before you can actually have one." She set down a plate piled high with pie and green tea cookies in front of him, then sat down with her own. "It's better 'an _sex_."

"Oh? And how would you know?" he scoffed.

"'Cause I have sex with myself all the time," she pointed out haughtily, laughing when he turned bright red at the proclamation. "Aw, c'mon, like _you_ don't?"

"I certainly do not brag about it like some sort of depraved lunatic," he huffed.

She couldn't believe how embarrassed he was getting, but then after how their talk about sex had gone she shouldn't have expected anything else. "Your sex talk with Oogway musta been the worst one in known history," she observed as she dug into her second helping of sweets.

"It was," he confirmed, then took a bite from a cookie. "Which is why I would rather not revisit it."

"Suit yourself." She might as well go easy on him, since it _was_ her last night there and all. "Y'know, I am _really_ getting full."

"Perhaps you should stop eating, then," he suggested, raising his eyebrows as she practically shoved the contents of her plate into her mouth by the fistful.

"I can't help it," she managed to get out around a mouthful of pie. "It's just so good."

"You will be sorry," he lectured, though he wasn't exactly leading by example, the way he was chowing down. "You'll be up all night with a stomach ache."

"I already toldya I usually can't sleep the night before I set out somewhere," she pointed out, though his concern did remind her of something she'd been meaning to ask him. "By the way... You sleeping with me again?"

"If you would like me to, I will once again brave the squishy mess that is your bed."

"Better 'an that marble slab you sleep on," she shot back; she didn't understand how anyone could not like sleeping in a warm, soft, _comfortable_ bed. Then again, it was pretty fitting that Shifu preferred something that felt more like one of the limestone blocks she used for printing than a bed.

"I will assume that was a 'yes.'" He reached out and snatched one of the cookies off her plate, presumably just to annoy her.

"Why the hell not? Let's go for a third night in a row." She finished off the last of the confections on her plate, surprised by how quickly she'd managed to devour everything.

"By the way, while I have you sluggish and happy, I would like to point out that you never told me where you are going." He eyed her as she leaned back in her chair, resting her hands on her bloated stomach.

To be honest, she couldn't think of a good reason _not_ to tell him. "Well, if I weren't in a hurry to get the hell outta China, I woulda liked to pass through Sichuan and Tibet," she started off, because she wanted to express her disappointment to someone. "I passed through northern Sichuan when I first came to the country, and I woulda liked to see more of the province- especially the cooking. And Tibet is just fantastic."

"You know, _I_ am from northern Sichuan," he replied, to her surprise.

"Really? You're from a region known for its _spicy_ food?" She took a moment to contemplate the irony of the situation.

"Yes, go ahead and laugh at me," he huffed, apparently not quite as amused as she was. "So which route _are_ you planning to take out of China, then?"

"Well, seeing as I should pass over as few borders as possible, even where provinces are concerned, I'm gonna head west through Guizhou and Yunnan, then straight into India." She could see that he was getting ready to say something, but she held up a hand to stop him. "I know what you're gonna say, that Yunnan's bordered by Myanmar, but not entirely- a small portion of India borders the northwest corner of the province, so I'll be taking that route. From there I could either stay in India or pass through Nepal, and seeing as at that point I won't hafta worry about the Chinese authorities anymore, I might just do that. I always wanted to see Nepal, y'know, hike through the Himalayas. That's what makes it relatively easy to pass through the border undetected, all those mountains."

He blinked at her, looking somewhat surprised. "I was actually not going to say anything about Myanmar. I was going to say that your obsession with curry has officially gone too far."

She gave him a light smack on the arm. "I'm not going to India just for the curry!" Although it _was_ a compelling reason. "They have a very rigid caste system there that I plan to criticize until I am either banished or sentenced to execution."

"Sounds promising," he replied sarcastically. "And then what?"

"I dunno." She shrugged, stumped on that part. "I assume it wouldn't be for another few years, so I haven't thought that far ahead. I might be able to get on a ship sailing further west, or I could go north through Pakistan. I mean, best case scenario I'd be able to sneak on a ship traveling through the Gulf of Aden and up into the Red Sea, then I could hop off in Egypt and catch a ship sailing outta Port Said. That'd be the fastest, most direct route to the Mediterranean. From there I could go to Turkey, Greece, or back to Sicily."

"No, you haven't put any thought into this at all," he commented, a healthy amount of sarcasm still in his voice.

"Well I was just stating the possibilities," she pointed out. "It's not like I got a solid plan."

"You boggle the mind." He stood up with a groan, rubbing at his stomach. "Meanwhile, I need to lie down before I burst," he informed her, sounding very much like an old man.

She decided not to point that out to him. "I'll catch up. I just wanna sit here for a little while."

"If you insist." He actually left her alone without any argument, which in itself was mind-boggling.

She sat for a while, looking around at the kitchen and taking it all in: the overabundance of dinnerware, the warm tones of the wood, the high-set shelves that were obviously meant for hiding snacks from any other interested parties. The kitchen seemed to have a character of its own, one that was warm and inviting, as any good kitchen should be. If she had grown attached to any place at all in the past three years, it was this particular room. She'd felt at home in it from the very first time she stepped through the door, and for the next three months her life had seemed to revolve around the room. Not that she had any problem with that.

She was going to miss this kitchen, as strange as it sounded. It was more than just a place where she cooked; it was a place that held some of her fondest memories. From Tai Lung's growth chart on the wall next to the door straight on down to the scorch marks in the oven, the place held evidence of the life she'd lived at the Jade Palace. She supposed a more spiritual person might say that as long as the kitchen was there, she would be there... In spirit, or something. She didn't believe in that, of course. She did like to believe, though, that the room would remind Shifu and Tai Lung of her. Just as she would be reminded of them whenever she slept on a bed that was way too hard, or saw a floor that spat fire. She paused to wonder, briefly, if she would ever see one of those again.

The train of thought she was on was getting depressing, so she decided to give it a rest and head to bed, where Shifu was probably already snoring like a beast. She hoped she didn't have too much trouble keeping him up until she was ready to fall asleep- or all night, if necessary. Not that it wouldn't be awkward, what with them sleeping together and not actually _sleeping together_ and all, but it was better than laying awake on her own all night. Perhaps she was being selfish, though, in putting her own desire to have someone to talk to ahead of his need for a good night's sleep. She laughed a little bit at that thought; she was really going soft.

* * *

Shifu paced in front of the door to Lin's room, waiting for her to emerge from the kitchen. Despite her insistence that it was absolutely impossible for her to stay in China, he was planning to make one more bid at keeping her there. And this was as good a time as any, what with her contented mood and all the tension between them having been recently aired out. And he knew exactly what he was going to say, something he should have said to begin with.

He jumped as he turned to continue his pacing, only to come face to face with Lin. "Ah!"

"Yeah, I react pretty much the same way whenever I see you, too," she grumbled, picking at her teeth with one nail. Despite that action, she for some reason was more beautiful than he ever remembered seeing her; she was practically glowing.

"There is something I have been meaning to ask you," he rushed out, afraid the moment might pass.

"Hurry it up, then," she replied, patting her belly. "I got a whole lotta gas."

"As you can imagine, this is quite difficult for me," he went on, yet she seemed completely unfazed. "You know very well that the last thing I want is to lose you."

"Yeah, I know," she sighed, her tough exterior softening a little bit. "I don't wanna lose you, either."

"Lin, I know you have said again and again that you won't stay here, but..." He paused to take her hands in his. "I want you to be my wife."

She stared back at him for a while, and he thought that she might get angry and walk away, or at the very least laugh at him. Instead, though, she threw her arms around him. "Oh, Shifu, you idiot! That's all I ever really wanted!"

"It is?" He had to admit, it was a surprising turn of events.

"Of course! Ever since I laid eyes on that handsome visage of yours-"

"Wait, _visage?_" He furrowed his brow, confused. "There is something strange about this," he informed her.

"We're gonna have lotsa babies," she replied, ignoring him. "And we'll teach 'em all kung fu. And I'll cook for you every single day, and at night we'll make passionate love. At least five times."

"You're mocking me, aren't you?" he asked warily, attempting to free himself from her grip; however, he was unable to wrench himself out of her arms.

"Alright, then, _six_ times." With that, she pulled him into a very deep, passionate kiss, and it got him to thinking that perhaps she _was_ being sincere. "Y'know what else?" she breathed when she pulled away.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered out, dazed.

"You are such an old man," she accused, suddenly sounding exasperated.

"Wait- what?" He was definitely missing something in this entire exchange.

"Get up!" she snapped, letting go of him to give his shoulder a push.

"But I _am_ up, I am standing right here," he argued, unsure of what she meant.

"Wake up, dummy," she insisted, then slapped him across the face.

Shifu frowned up at Lin as he was jolted awake, rubbing at his stinging cheek. "Did you just smack me?" He sat up from where he'd settled on the floor next to her mound of pillows and pushed her blanket aside. He noticed that she was already dressed for bed- which she had probably done while he'd dozed.

"Well, you weren't waking up," she said by way of defending her actions. "And you were dreaming, too- I could tell by the way your ears were twitching."

"It was a wonderful dream," he sighed wistfully. "Until you ruined it." He paused to glare at her, despite the fact that his good dream had been about her to begin with.

"Whatever," she easily dismissed. "Meanwhile, what're you doing on the floor?"

"Well, since I find your bed so uncomfortable I thought I could sleep here and you could sleep on those pillows. It is what civilized people call a compromise."

"Never heard of it," she teased, then literally crawled over him to get to her bed.

He blushed and tried not to think about the fact that she was, however briefly, in his lap. "Should I put out the lantern?" he asked as he watched her settle in.

"Not yet." She continued to fluff pillows, readjust the blankets, and generally roll around while he sat and watched her with increasing impatience.

It wasn't long before he became fed up. "Will you just _lie still_ already?"

"Fine," she grumbled, finally settling down. "You can put the lantern out, now."

"Thank you," he sighed, then leaned over and blew out the flame. "Goodnight." He lay down, pulled the blanket up to his chest, and closed his eyes.

Then he heard her sigh and once more change positions, and he opened them again. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see that she was wide awake, her hands clasped together on her stomach while she stared at the ceiling. He didn't think she noticed him watching her, but he knew that regardless of whether she thought he was attempting to sleep or not she was going to say something.

And, just as he'd predicted, she let out a small cough and spoke, still staring at the ceiling. "Can I ask you a question? And don't do that thing where you say I already asked a question with that question, 'cause it's _annoying_."

He rolled his eyes at her, but made no comment on her assumption that he would give her an annoying reply. "As long as you are not going to ask whether I am asleep or not, go ahead."

"Okay." She sounded hesitant, even though she'd been the one to start the conversation. He also noted that she kept her gaze studiously fixed on the ceiling, a good indicator that she was going to be serious, for once, rather than poke fun at him. "Does it bother you that I don't wanna have sex?"

He stared at her, surprised by the sudden question; although, they _were_ in bed together, so he supposed there was no better time to ask. "Why do you ask? Do I _seem_ bothered?" He hoped, especially after hearing about her less than stellar history with men, that he hadn't mistakenly given that impression.

"Not particularly," she admitted, though she sounded even more disconcerted than before. "Never mind," she muttered, turning onto her side to face away from him.

"Wait a minute." He honestly did not understand how she could think it was alright to bring up such a sensitive issue, then completely drop it. "Why did you bring it up if you did not want to talk about it? You're embarrassed? Because if you are, there are many more embarrassing things in this world than our current conversation, and you have already put _me_ through most of them. And this is coming from someone who does not even _like_ to talk about sex." And, to be honest, if it hadn't been their last night together, he would have dropped the conversation as she'd asked; as it was, he would rather go through the humiliation of risking a small penis joke with her than leave any loose ends between them.

She once again surprised him by blurting out, "You _wanna_ have sex, right? Not in general, I mean. With me. In particular."

Shifu blinked at her back, hoping she would at least turn over so he could look her in the eye, but no such luck. "I... Do not know where this is headed," he admitted sheepishly. "Are you... Do _you_ want to... Um... Well, you know. With _me?_"

"I asked you first," she grumbled childishly.

He glared at her, exasperated by the entire conversation; he had no clue what in the world she was thinking, and he was getting a little tired of trying to guess. "_Yes_, I want... You. In particular."

"Oh." She sounded surprised, for some reason; it wasn't as if he'd kept it a secret all this time.

"And you...?" he pressed, somewhat annoyed by her lack of response.

"Yeah. I mean... Ditto."

He waited for her to finally face him, or at least do _something_, but she still refused to physically interact with him on any level. "...So should I... Get undressed or something?"

"_No!_" she snapped, and finally turned over, though only to smack him on the arm. "That wasn't a freaking proposition, I was just _wondering_."

"You could have said that earlier," he muttered, disappointed and relieved at the same time.

"So then you _are_ bothered that I don't wanna have sex," she added, a frown planted firmly on her face.

"Not necessarily." He supposed he would have to explain that, though. "For one, it is one less thing to be nervous about. After all, I am not exactly what one would call _seasoned_ in the art of love."

"Yeah, that's true," she readily agreed.

He took a moment to glare at her again, then went on. "For another, while I would _like_ to make love to you, it is not exactly imperative. I know that you love me, and I love you... And that is what truly matters."

She stared back at him for a while after his answer, and he thought that she might have been touched by his honest tenderness and affection. "...Really? 'Make love?'" she mocked.

He should have known better. "Oh, get bent."

She snorted at his use of her favorite fall-back, then shifted closer and laid one hand on his chest. "It's not you, y'know," she reassured, and he felt like a humiliated teenager at the entire conversation.

"I think we established that with your heartfelt proclamation of 'ditto,'" he pointed out sarcastically. "But that still leaves the question of _why_ you want to remain celibate."

"I dunno," she sighed, but he had a feeling that she _did_ know. "It's dumb," she amended.

"Tell me, or else I will tickle you without mercy." He flexed his fingers in plain sight, just to make the threat more real.

"You're such an ass," she huffed. "I just don't feel _ready_."

He waited for her to go on, but that was apparently everything she'd been planning to say. "...Okay."

"I know," she rushed out, clearly embarrassed. "I know it sounds stupid. And I know people always say you're ready when you find the right person, but that's a load of crap. I mean, you're the right person if there ever was one, and I'm _still _not ready. Sometimes I wonder if I ever _will_ be. Maybe I'm just too dysfunctional for sex."

"If it makes you feel any better, I know what you mean. You see, I... Uhm..." He supposed that after everything Lin had told him, he could give up some information about himself. "Well, the first time I... You know..." He tried not to blush in embarrassment at the subject, but failed. "...I wasn't ready."

"Oh." She blinked up at him, clearly caught off-guard by the confession.

"I doubt many people _are_, their first time," he added, blushing all the more at the way she stared at him.

"That sounds about right," she admitted. "To be honest, I don't got a problem with the concept or anything. I mean, I've done enough masturbating to get a sense-"

"There is no need for you to continue," he interrupted, clearing his throat uncomfortably; the last thing he needed was some sordid tale of her young experimentation to simultaneously arouse and irritate him.

"Anyway, I guess the point is..." She paused to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Thanks."

He wrapped one arm around her, basking in the warmth of the moment; he knew her well enough to also know that it would be brief and he should appreciate it while he still could.

"Besides," she added as she shifted onto her stomach and used his shoulder as a pillow, "you wouldn't've lasted very long, anyway."

"At times like these I simply have to wonder _how_ you stayed single for so long," he grunted, blushing once more as she arched her back in a stretch right up against him. "Would you _stop that?_"

"Stop what?" she asked, oblivious to his embarrassment.

"Rubbing against me after we've just discussed sex."

"Oh, sorry," she apologized with complete insincerity. "I didn't realize I'd set off your prude alarm by _stretching my back_." She emphasized her annoyance with a painful squeeze to his stomach.

"I believe that signals the end of_ that _discussion." It was a mark of how much he was going to miss her that he didn't even bat her hand away. "Do you think you will ever come back to the Valley?" he blurted out, since they were being open and frank with one another.

"What, so you can bang me?" she shot back.

"_No_," he grumbled; he didn't know why he expected any sort of emotion out of her.

She laughed a little bit, then leaned up to kiss him. When she pulled away she actually answered him, shockingly enough. "Maybe our paths will cross again some day. Maybe not. We'll just hafta wait and see."

"I certainly hope so," he sighed, then kissed her back.

Her compulsion to ruin each and every tender moment between them remained strong, though. "Just don't expect me to still be a virgin when next we meet."

"So this is what all those poets meant when they said 'true love never dies.'"

"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, then gave him another kiss on the cheek. "There's no such thing as a love that never dies."

"Words of comfort, to be sure." He had to admit, it did hurt to know that she didn't think she would still love him a few years down the road, but then again she believed the same of him. "So is that all?"

"...I guess so," she admitted reluctantly.

"What is it?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to go on.

"Nothing," she sighed. "Goodnight." And then, out of nowhere, she added, "I love you."

He stared back at her; he still was not used to her showing affection at all, let alone saying she loved him aloud, so she might as well have grown wings and flown off. He managed to snap out of it soon enough, though. "I love you, too." Then he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "Sleep tight."

"Hah," she replied, but made no further comment as she cuddled up against him and squeezed him as if he were a stuffed toy.

And he let her, because for some sick reason he liked it. He smiled to himself as he enjoyed the warmth of her body against his and began to drift off.

"Hey, are you asleep yet?"

He cracked his eyes open and squinted down at her with a frown. "I am wide awake," he grumbled, "_now_."

"Okay, good." She paused, as if she was not quite sure of what to say next.

That was when he had an epiphany, one that he should have had long before then. "You are not going to let me sleep tonight, are you?" He knew his fate was sealed when she answered his question with an amused, evil-sounding cackle.

* * *

"Master Oogway, what're you doing?" Tai Lung stood in the doorway of the kitchen, staring in pure and utter confusion at the old turtle, who was currently cracking eggs into a bowl.

"I am cooking breakfast, my boy," he answered cheerfully, then poured oil into a pan on the stove.

"And you went out and got eggs?" While Tai Lung knew that Lin was leaving that morning, he never would have expected Master Oogway, of all people, to get up early to make breakfast. Then again, he had no way of knowing whether or not Oogway even slept at all. For all he knew, the kung fu master simply meditated and absorbed energy from the universe... Or something.

"I thought the occasion warranted a little something special." He gave the eggs a quick stir with his long claws (hopefully they were clean), then poured them into the hot pan.

"I didn't know you were so happy to see Lin go." He sat down at his regular spot at the table and watched as Oogway fried the scrambled eggs with rice and peppers.

"Of course I am not happy to see her leave, but I am sure that she would prefer us to look on the bright side of things. After all, every end is a new beginning." He flipped the concoction with expert skill, shaking the pan. "Besides, it is best to start off a long journey with plenty of protein."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want her to get hungry while she's running from the law," he commented, rolling his eyes; he was pretty sure Lin had bigger concerns than whether or not her breakfast contained enough protein.

"I understand. Sometimes when we are upset and do not know how to show it, we turn to anger and defensiveness. But we must not let our anger blind us to what is most important in life."

Tai Lung took a moment to wonder how Master Shifu had been able to stand the old man's rambling lectures for so long. "I'll contemplate that, Master." Personally, he didn't see why he _shouldn't_ be angry; Lin was leaving, and she probably wasn't going to miss any of them that much.

"G'morning," Lin yawned as she chose just that moment to walk into the kitchen alongside Shifu, who looked exhausted. It was pretty obvious that they'd spent the night together.

"You guys look tired," he observed. "What were you doing, having sex or something?"

Master Shifu had been about to sit down, but at Tai Lung's comment he completely missed his chair and fell on the floor. "_What?_" he snapped as his face began to turn red. "I thought you didn't know what sex was!"

He was probably going to get punished for that question, but it had almost been worth it to see Shifu fall on his butt like that. "I asked Lin. She said it was when two adults get together and hug really hard."

He turned to Lin as he stood back up. "You are _so_ lucky he used the word 'hug!'"

Lin seemed completely unfazed by the entire exchange. "You are paranoid and prudish," she replied haughtily, then turned away from him to go take a look at what Oogway was making.

"Do you _want_ me to punish you, Tai Lung?" Shifu asked, then sat down and actually managed to hit the seat. "Because I would have no trouble fulfilling such a request."

"Oh, give it a rest for now," Lin called from where she was hovering over Oogway as if the meal he was preparing would be her last one. "We're gonna eat breakfast and pretend we don't got a care in the world, then we're gonna say goodbye and I'm getting outta here. Got that?"

"Wait a minute," Tai Lung spoke up, frowning at her assertion. "You're leaving right after breakfast?"

"Yeah, I can't afford to lose any daylight. Once night falls it gets too dark to get a fire built or make camp, and traveling at night's a lot more dangerous 'an doing it by day." She finally left Oogway alone long enough to get some bowls out and help him serve breakfast. "I'm sorry, kid, but this is how it's gotta be."

He didn't know why he was getting upset just because she was leaving a couple of hours earlier than he'd thought; maybe, deep down, he'd still believed there was a chance she might stay, up until that very moment. "Yeah, I get it," he replied quietly.

"Let us just enjoy our meal together," Shifu jumped in, taking a bite from his bowl. "It is quite good."

"I am glad to hear it." Oogway slowly lowered himself into his seat; he'd even served himself up a small portion. "I believe it is Lin who taught us that good food with good company can feed more than just our bellies."

"Oh, I didn't teach anyone a damn thing," she dismissed as she joined them at the table. "Well, I mighta taught the goody-two-shoes here a thing or two about drinking, but he's hardly a sponge when it comes to learning."

Tai Lung just picked at his food while Master Shifu acted offended and Lin and Oogway laughed at him. He wasn't about to act like nothing was wrong just because it would make everyone else feel comfortable; he was never going to see Lin again and she... Well, she wasn't exactly his friend anymore, not after she'd punished him. But she loved him, apparently. He probably loved her, too, if he could be any judge. He really wasn't sure _what_ she was.

"You got some egg stuck on your cheek," Lin interrupted his thoughts, then reached across Shifu with her napkin to wipe his face clean.

"Hey, stop it," he grumbled, pushing the offending cloth away and wiping at his cheek with the back of his hand. "I can get it myself."

"Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away."

"It's okay." He finished up the rest of his breakfast in silence and ignored the conversation of the adults around him. They obviously just didn't get it. He had no brothers, no sisters, no friends... And now no Lin, either. Not that he _needed_ any of that, anyway; he was a kung fu warrior, after all. Still, it would have been nice.

He only barely noticed that everyone else was starting to clear the table, so he contributed his own half-eaten meal to the pile of dirty dishes, and Lin and Oogway were still ganging up and teasing Shifu like always, as if it were a normal day. It was maddening, the way everyone just kept ignoring the fact that in only a few more minutes, Lin was going to leave, and they were never going to see her again.

"Hey, you didn't finish your breakfast," Lin suddenly observed when she passed his dish over to Shifu, undoubtedly planning to let him take care of the cleaning.

"I'm not really that hungry." Besides, if he was going to be the Dragon Warrior one day and live off of dew and the energy of the universe, he was going to need to start practicing. "Anyway, I thought you didn't want to waste any daylight."

"Tai Lung," Shifu warned, but Lin calmed him with a poke in the belly.

"As harsh as that was, the kid's right. I ain't some super-fast kung fu running machine like you, so I gotta head out now if I wanna make it to that really long-ass bridge before dark."

"It is called the Thread of Hope," he corrected her, rubbing at his belly. "And I have something for you before you go."

"You can give it to me out on the porch," she replied, then walked out of the kitchen, presumably to get her things, while Shifu ran off to get his gift, whatever that happened to be.

"Well, I suppose we will wait outside," Oogway stated needlessly, and herded Tai Lung through the kitchen door and out onto the barracks porch.

It was a beautiful day, of course, without a cloud in the sky. The summer heat hadn't fully taken hold yet, so it was the ideal spring day, with a warm sun and a cool breeze; in other words, perfect traveling conditions. "It doesn't even feel like she's leaving," Tai Lung blurted out, embarrassed when Oogway looked a little surprised at the sentiment. "The way everyone's acting, it's like she's just gonna come back in another week or so."

"I believe the sentiment is that we were glad to have known her," the old turtle replied wisely, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "And you never know what path life will take. She certainly will not return in a week, but perhaps further down the road."

"Sure," he replied skeptically.

"Alright, I'm ready!" Lin exclaimed as she burst through the door; she had practically nothing with her, just that one bag she'd been carrying the day she'd shown up at the Jade Palace. "Where's Pudge? Ah, well, I'll start the farewells, anyway." With that, she turned to Master Oogway and, in a shocking turn of events, she actually _bowed_ to him. "I don't do that for just anyone," she pointed out as she straightened up.

"I know," Oogway replied warmly, smiling down at her. "Believe me when I say that you have left your mark here. You will not be forgotten."

"Ah, hell," she huffed, then provided yet another shock when she wrapped her arms around the old turtle in a hug. "I'll miss you, you big, smug, know-it-all."

"And I don't think that anyone will disagree when I say that this particular kettle is going to miss you as well, pot." He reached down to give her back a gentle pat, and when she pulled away she let out an embarrassed cough and squared her shoulders.

She turned to Tai Lung, and she looked like she was going to say something really mushy, but he was saved when Master Shifu finally made it out onto the porch to say his goodbyes. "Yeesh, what took you so long?" Lin shot at him, and in response he simply reached out and placed his old rain hat on her head.

Personally, Tai Lung didn't see why Shifu had felt the need to give her some ratty straw hat, but for some reason she seemed to like it.

"Thanks," she sighed, then pulled the hat off and let it hang on her back from its string.

"I thought you might need it, seeing as you lost yours some time ago." Of course their exchange was exceedingly awkward to watch to begin with, but Master Shifu just seemed to have a knack for making it all the more uncomfortable. "I, ahm... I want you to know that if you _ever_ find yourself back in the valley that... That you will always have a place here. Even if it is one hundred years from now, you will still have a home here."

"That's sweet, but I somehow doubt I'm gonna live that long." She flicked him on the nose, and that was apparently it for their goodbyes, because she then turned to Tai Lung.

He crossed his arms, ready for her to talk out of her rear end like she always did, and tell him that life was tough and he should get used to it.

"Okay, kid, I'll giveya one last bit of advice before I go," she sighed, living up to his expectations. "It's something a friend of mine told me, seven long years ago."

"Yeah?" He was pretty interested, despite himself, but he still didn't uncross his arms.

"There might be a reason no one does it. _Try anyway_." She paused for dramatic effect while he stared down at her, confused. "Alright, so she was talking about setting a drink on fire and chugging it, but I think the phrase can be applied to a lotta stuff. Y'know, in life."

He tried to ignore Shifu pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation behind her. "Yeah, I guess it could," he conceded, though he would never be able to think of the phrase without also remembering its humble origins.

"I'm gonna miss you a whole lot, y'know," she added, a tenderness to her voice that he rarely ever heard. "Promise me that if you're not gonna remember anything good about me, you'll at least forget me."

"I guess I could try," he grumbled.

"Don't ever guess- _know_." She hugged him, even harder than she'd hugged Oogway if his inability to breathe was any indicator.

"Okay," he gasped, "I get it. I'll miss you, too." And for some reason, even though he was still angry, he meant it.

She finally let him go, then readjusted her bag and took a deep breath. "Well... This is goodbye," she addressed to all three of them. "So... Don't get into too much trouble without me. And for God's sake, one of you needs to learn how to cook. Anyway... Goodbye." And just like that, she walked away.

Tai Lung watched her walk away for a bit as a distinct feeling of abandonment washed over him. "...Shouldn't I be starting today's training?" But if he was going to be a kung fu master one day, he needed to learn to suck it up, as Lin would have said.

"Yes," Oogway agreed. "The morning is certainly not waiting for us." He stepped off the porch with Tai Lung, then turned back to Shifu, who was just staring out into space. "I will take Tai Lung to the training hall."

Shifu barely even nodded in response, he was so out of it.

Tai Lung kind of felt bad for him; despite his earlier nonchalance, Master Shifu seemed to be taking the whole turn of events pretty hard. He knew that would never be him, though. After all, he had kung fu, and kung fu would never let him down. Besides, Lin wouldn't have wanted him to sulk- not that he was planning to go around doing stuff that Lin would have wanted him to do.

* * *

Shifu tried not to think about how pathetic he probably looked at the moment; in fact, he wasn't thinking of very much at all. He just knew that Lin's goodbye to him had not been enough... He doubted any goodbye would ever be enough for him, but he needed to at least hear that this separation was just as difficult for her. She had barely said anything to him, and the most affectionate gesture she'd given him had been a flick to the nose. That was why he'd followed her out the front gates, and caught up to her right at the top of the thousand steps. "Lin, wait," he called out, even though he had no idea what else he was going to say.

She turned around, her eyebrows raised at him. "Did I forget something?" She actually seemed surprised to see him.

"No, I just... I wanted to... To say goodbye. Again." It sounded so ridiculous when he said it aloud. "You barely said a word to me back at the barracks," he attempted to justify.

"We spent all of last night together," she pointed out. "If last night wasn't a goodbye, I dunno what is."

He was about to argue more on the point, but she simply kissed him to shut him up.

"There's a goodbye kiss for you," she said when she pulled away. "Better?"

"I will miss you," he sighed, and wished for what was probably the thousandth time that he could keep her there.

She reached up and, surprisingly enough, she placed a hand tenderly on his cheek, as if she were about to say something beautiful and romantic. "Don't be a pussy, now," she scolded, her harsh language startling at such a time. "People count on you, y'know? Suck it up." She gave his cheek a light smack and shot him a wide grin, but the carefree happiness she was trying so desperately to convey wasn't quite present in her eyes.

"...Alright," he agreed, though he couldn't bring himself to smile back at her; he didn't understand how she could even muster a false smile under the circumstances, but then again, she had always been beyond his understanding. "Be safe," he managed to get out, even though he felt as though his throat might close up at any moment.

"Feh!" she dismissed easily, in her usual way. "Don't worry about me so much. I got my wits about me. Just you take care of the kid, okay?"

"Okay." He glanced back at the front gate, its cheerful bright red seeming out of place under the current circumstances. He wondered if Tai Lung was already training, and if Master Oogway was cheerfully instructing him, as if it were any other day at the Jade Palace. He wondered why, even after all the goodbyes, he was the only one who seemed to be having so much trouble letting go.

Somehow, she seemed to have known what was on his mind. "Hey," she said, her voice softening a bit. "You'll be fine."

He turned back to her, surprised to see the resolve in her expression; she truly did believe in those words. He supposed he at least owed it to her to believe in them, too. "I will," he agreed, and then, despite how many times he'd said it already, he said the most difficult word of all. "Goodbye."

She let out a bark of laughter, a grin spreading across her face again, and then she topped it all off by giving him a punch in the arm. "Y'know what? I'm sick of goodbyes," she informed him, then took a step back and readjusted her bag. "So how's about mixing it up a little?" She reached into her bag and fished about for a moment before finally producing a peach, most likely from the sacred peach tree of heavenly wisdom, which she shoved into his hands. "Don't shove _this_ fruit up your ass, though," she advised. "Seeya!" With a casual wave of her hand, she turned and headed down the stairs, her shoulders shaking as she laughed.

Shifu stood there and watched her go, the peach in his hands the entire time, like the sentimental fool he was. He considered his vision to be quite good, though not nearly as good as his hearing, and so he was confident that, even when she was only a speck in the distance, his eyes had not failed him. What he saw must have been, without a doubt, completely accurate.

The entire time he'd watched her, for as far as he could see her until she disappeared into the morning mist, she had not looked back. Not even once.

* * *

"Ah, shit." Lin poked at her pile of timber with a long stick, snorting with frustration; it had taken her at least thirty minutes to start a fire, and now it was dwindling quickly. She searched through her bag for something dry to toss in the fire and keep it going long enough for her to search her surroundings for something more permanent. If she wasn't quick about it, she would run out of what little daylight she had left. She had just made it across the Thread of Hope, and though there were a few trees scattered here and there, the landscape was dominated by exposed dirt and patches of brown moss, so it would take some effort to find more fuel for the fire.

As she rifled through her bag her hand brushed against something that felt like paper, and she pulled it out to toss it into the tiny flames; however, she thought twice about it, for some reason. Though she normally didn't mind burning her own artwork and documents for the sake of a hot meal, she decided to unfold the paper and check to see what was on it, anyway. It was probably nothing.

What was supposed to be a quick glance at the paper turned into a long stare. At some point or another, she had drawn Shifu, Tai Lung, and Oogway sitting together under the peach tree- a scene she had most likely reproduced from the night they had watched fireworks. And somehow, even though she didn't even remember seeing it when she'd packed her bag, the simple ink drawing had made it into her bag. And somehow she hadn't found it until four days after her departure. It occurred to her that this was her only memento from the past three months, which was more than she had to show for the past eight or nine years of her life.

She wasn't sure how long she stared at the little paper, but when she finally glanced back up at the fire, it was nothing more than some slightly burnt and smoking sticks. Cursing, she stuffed the paper back into her bag and jumped up to try to restart the fire with her knife and some flint. "Start, you dumbass fire," she grumbled as she kept on trying to create some sparks that would catch; she would have killed for some dried grass at that moment.

After another twenty minutes, the sun was completely gone, though it was still casting some dim light over the wasteland, and Lin had still not managed to restart her fire. She looked over at her bag, the paper coming to mind, then turned back to the smoking mess in front of her. With another low curse, she reached up into her sleeve, pulled out her ink brush, and cut the dry horse hairs from the lacquered handle, dropping them onto the fire wood. A fire caught on them with her third set of sparks, and she leaned back, letting out a heavy sigh of relief. She didn't want to waste any more time, though, and got to work looking for some more kindling. After scrounging up some twigs and a couple of dried leaves, she sat back down to cook dinner over the most expensive fire she'd ever built.

The motions were familiar to her, and she mindlessly cooked and ate her meal, paying no particular attention to anything apart from the task at hand; it had been a long time since she'd been able to completely shut down her mind, though it did have its disadvantages. Before she knew it, she had eaten and the sky was dark and filled with stars. She normally would enjoy such a clear view of the night sky, but she just stared blankly into the fire, which was once again dwindling.

The drawing suddenly crossed her mind again, and she decided to get one more look at it before her fire was completely burnt out. It wasn't her best work, to be sure. She really should have burned it; she didn't know what had possessed her to use an expensive ink brush instead. Still, it was comforting, in a way. It was a reminder that, for a brief time, she'd experienced a part of life that she knew she could never actually have- that she hadn't even known she'd _wanted_, up until the past couple of months. And she had learned one more lesson to help her on the long road ahead. "Twenty-two years down," she sighed. "Forty or so to go."

It was then that something completely unexpected happened to her. Eight years ago, she had made a solemn vow that she would never cry for anyone, least of all herself. It had been so long that she'd started to think that even if she tried, she wouldn't have been able to shed a tear. Yet her eyes were wet and stinging, and soon tears were pouring down her face as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Her throat was sore and she could feel mucus building up in her nose, but she couldn't stop herself.

And, even though the fire had died out and it was too dark to see, she held onto that drawing as she curled up on the ground. "Well... Goodnight," she sighed, to no one in particular.

* * *

"Tai Lung!" Shifu walked out onto the barracks porch, his ears pricked in the direction of the training hall not so much for a response as simply some auditory sign of life. However, he was not happy to find that all he heard from the training hall was complete silence. It was a lovely, sunny day, so it was entirely likely that Tai Lung had become distracted during meditation and wandered off; it wouldn't have been the first time in the past couple of months.

He shook his head to himself as he set out to find his errant son; it had been two months already since Lin's departure, and yet he still hadn't gotten used to not having her around. He still turned, thinking for a split second that it was her, when he saw movement from the corner of his eye. He still expected to see a light in the kitchen when he passed by at night, still expected to see her picking peaches when he looked up into the branches of the peach tree. He even sometimes thought he heard her voice in the marketplace, laughing.

If Tai Lung missed her at all, he certainly didn't show it. He simply went about his daily routine training as hard as ever. He no longer avoided Shifu at all costs, though, and readily held conversations at meals, though there were times when he needed just a little bit of prompting. He even joined Master Oogway in the old turtle's morning Tai Chi exercises. And he still fidgeted just as much as he always had during his meditation, though that may have been due to "growing pains," as Lin had called them. The boy had certainly been growing by leaps and bounds, and in spite of himself Shifu found that he couldn't resist keeping up the growth chart she had started in the kitchen.

Shifu had begun to do a number of things like continuing the growth chart, things that he would have never expected of himself; little things, of course. He drank tea at every single meal, and even late into the night, he ate dessert (usually fresh fruit, despite Tai Lung's constant requests that they have something a little more decadent), and he'd even begun to cook. Just a bit. He had attempted noodles the other night that he thought hadn't been bad. And every time he picked up some new candles, he always checked to make sure they weren't scented.

"Master!" Tai Lung's voice suddenly broke him out of his train of thought, and he realized that he had wandered along the path toward the peach tree that the vegetable garden had been planted along.

He had avoided the small plot of land like the plague since Lin's departure; he honestly didn't want to give himself an excuse to conjure up any more memories than the ones that already followed him at every turn. Besides, he was already filled with an overwhelming feeling of disappointment every time he walked into the kitchen only to find it completely empty; he didn't need to feel the same every time he walked by the garden, only to see that barren patch of dirt sitting there.

However, it appeared as though Tai Lung had not been doing the same; in fact, he was bent over in the garden, a basket at his side. Amazingly, the garden had flourished, most likely because Tai Lung had apparently been taking care of it. The basket was already filled with a number of vegetables- carrots, radishes, cabbage, onions, and a number of things that he wouldn't have been able to name on sight. "It's the first harvest," Tai Lung informed him excitedly, picking a long green vegetable from a vine and dropping it into the basket. "I think that's some kind of squash," he said.

"You've been gardening?" Shifu asked absently, approaching; it was hard to believe that the plot that had once been a barren span of dirt was suddenly so bursting with life.

"Uh... Yeah." Apparently this was why he had been wandering off so often. "It'd be a waste not to. And look at all the stuff that grew! We won't have to go down to the market for a while, not with all this." He leaned back on his haunches, surveying the garden with a deeply satisfied expression on his face.

Shifu watched him a moment, at a loss for words. It amazed him to see Tai Lung so content when he himself had been, for lack of a better word, moping. "And you are... Happy?"

"Well, yeah, why not?" He reached up and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. "I mean, I was worried that none of these plants would even grow, and _now_ look at 'em!"

"Yes, your efforts certainly have not been wasted," Shifu agreed, but kept his eyes on Tai Lung. "What I meant was... You don't..." He wasn't exactly sure how to bring up the subject, since they had rarely talked about Lin since her departure. "I just thought, ah..."

"What?" Tai Lung looked up at him, and the expression on his face was startling in its nature; his eyes were narrowed, and one side of his lip was curled up, just as Lin had used to do. "You thought I was going off to cry about Lin?"

He nodded mutely in reply, still stunned by the similarity he had witnessed.

"Well, I miss her and all... But it's like that thing Master Oogway always says. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, or something. Right?"

"Right," he agreed, clearing his throat. Perhaps he had been mistaken in bringing such a thing up. "So. You are... Harvesting?"

"Yep," Tai Lung confirmed, and then waited expectantly for Shifu to respond.

However, he couldn't really think of anything to say. Tai Lung had shown such an unexpected level of maturity that he felt a little useless, actually. Perhaps he had underestimated his son, or perhaps he'd simply been too stuck in the past.

Tai Lung finally broke the silence, albeit hesitantly. "Would you, uhm, like to join me, Master?"

Shifu stared down at him for a moment, contemplating the offer. Then, with a sigh, he knelt down in the dirt. "...Sure, why not?"

* * *

A/N: And there you have it. The end! Not really, though. There will be an epilogue after this, but I swear that _that_ will be the end. After all, you guys still have to find out what becomes of Lin.

Also, apologies for the false sex scene, but it really wouldn't be a humor fic without one. And, of course Ping's noodle shop had to be in there somewhere, so I hope everyone enjoyed the cameo.

One last thing of note: along with the epilogue I'll be posting a link to a "special features" type blog post, because I needed to do something with all the material I liked that didn't make it into the fic... So keep your eyes peeled for that, as well.

Next up: You'll see. ;)


	36. Epilogue: L'Appetito Vien Mangiando

A/N: Sorry I am ONCE AGAIN late, but had to rewrite this whole thing and it's long... And excuses, excuses. And apparently has decided that my scene separations via dashes no longer deserve to be in the fic, and neither does a question mark belong with an exclamation point, right as I'm finishing up. Nice. Just letting you all know that I have taken notice, and will be fixing all 35 chapters. Eventually. Anyway, here it is... The epilogue, clocking in at nearly 20,000 words. And consequently the last installment of Blue Plate Special.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda doesn't belong to me; if it did there would've been a lot more vagina jokes in it.

* * *

Epilogue: L'Appetito Vien Mangiando

* * *

"I'm getting too old for this crap," Lin muttered to herself as she pressed her hands into the small of her back and stretched, wincing at the sound of her spine cracking. Admittedly, she wasn't _that_ old- compared to the man she was visiting, fifty-five probably seemed spry. Still, arthritis had begun to set into her joints some years ago, especially the joints that had been injured- like her right wrist and elbow. The late summer humidity that hung heavy in the air wasn't helping any, either; that was one aspect of China she certainly hadn't missed. Though she honestly couldn't say London had been any better, but at least she hadn't had to sleep outside. Not most nights, anyway.

She paused to straighten out her clothes a bit (a nice, simple brown set reminiscent of what she'd worn during her last stint in the country), and wondered if he'd even remember her. It _had_ been over three decades since they'd last seen each other, and the way they'd parted had been rushed, for lack of a better term. The moment she'd crossed the border, though, she'd known that he was the first person she wanted to see, before anyone else.

Lin took a deep breath, steeling herself for the inevitable. Then, she knocked on the door and waited. It didn't take long for the door to swing open, and she was face-to-face with a man she hadn't seen since she was a teenager.

"Whatever you're selling, I don't want any." And then he slammed the door in her face.

She rolled her eyes at the old man and knocked again. "Dammit, Chen! Just open the door."

"Who is it?" he called back through the door.

"It's _me,_ you walking fossil! _Quan!_" She couldn't say she'd expected any different; to be honest, things were going relatively well, by her standards.

"Quan?" The door swung open again and the tiny, wrinkled jerboa on the other side squinted up at her. "Bullshit." And then slammed the door _again_.

"You crusted old turd!" she snapped, and started banging on the door with her fist. She was aware of the strange looks she was getting from passersby, but ignored them. It was dusk in Shanghai, it wasn't as if seeing someone trying to break into an old man's house was anything out of the ordinary. "You hop your fermented ass back here and open this door! My joints are achy as hell and I ain't sleeping outside in this damp-ass weather again!" She continued pounding on the door, certain that he would relent sooner or later.

"Prove it!" he suddenly called from the other side.

"Prove what? That I'm about to come in there through the window and step on you?"

"Prove that you're Quan!" he clarified, and she couldn't help but let out a snort. It was just like Chen, really; he used to have a password just to let anyone inside his studio.

"Who else would call you a crusted old turd and threaten to step on you?" she pointed out. "And besides, I know how to pick the lock on the kitchen door! I'll get in there on my own sooner or later." To be honest, things were _still_ going better than she'd hoped. She was surprised that he'd even remembered her in the first place.

"Alright, alright," he finally conceded, and at last opened the door and stepped aside to let her in. "Don't throw a hissy fit, now, you witless hag."

"I can already tell this is gonna be a lovely visit." She was at least relieved to get in out of the humidity; she hadn't been kidding about her joints.

Chen's house was just as she remembered it: large and clean as a whistle, and warm. Not warm as in the actual air temperature, but simply the look and feel of the place. It did help that everything, even all the walls and doors, was constructed of wood- much more like a peasant's house. Chen wasn't exactly a peasant, though; he could afford paper screens, but he simply chose to use his money on things he deemed more important. For instance, the entire back half of the first floor that made up his studio. The front half was divided evenly into a sitting room and a kitchen, while the bedrooms were on a second floor, accessible by a single staircase against the wall that divided the sitting room and kitchen.

She'd never asked where Chen's money had come from; he hadn't been born into it, she knew that much. She wasn't even sure if people had begun using currency back when the old man had been born. "So I'm back in China for good," she said, for lack of a better conversation-starter. She would have told him eventually, anyway.

"I'll get the parade started," he grumbled sarcastically, then offered her a seat in one of his rigid wooden chairs; the things had always been uncomfortable as hell, but they were just up Chen's alley.

"What, you ain't happy to see me?" She sat down, anyway, dropping her bags beside her. "I'll have you know you're the first person I came to see, you moldy raisin."

"And believe me, I feel special." He hopped up into his own chair and set his walking stick within easy reach next to him (probably so he could hit her with it if he wanted to). "But after you ran outta town like a coward, I didn't expect to see you back here."

"Let's just say I realized a few things while I was away. I came back to see the people that matter to me most again... Y'know, like my family. And believe it or not, you made the list."

"I'm honored," he grumbled, though she could have sworn that buried beneath the copious amounts of sarcasm she could detect the tiniest note of sincerity.

She paused, sitting awkwardly with him for a couple of seconds before she couldn't help but let all her burning questions spill out. "So whatever happened to Yan-Yan? And you hear anything from Wei-Shan lately? You still write to Oogway, right?"

"I've been fine, thanks," he replied pointedly.

"Fine," she conceded, "how have you been?" She knew he'd only give a perfunctory, completely non-informative answer, which was why she hadn't asked in the first place.

"Same old, same old," he replied.

"Sounds exciting," she grumbled, her sarcastic comment met with a whack from his little stick.

"Alright, keep your pants on, bigshot." He took a moment to glare at her, but she was mostly unaffected. "Yan-Yan got married. She's got three kids now, seven grandkids."

"_Seven?_" Lin repeated incredulously; Yan-Yan was a year younger than her, way too young to have _seven_ grandchildren.

"Her daughter's prone to twins," Chen explained.

She couldn't help but shudder at the thought of constantly popping out twins. "_Eugh_."

"Well sorry, I forgot you were always too good for that kinda stuff," he sniped at her, as he'd always tended to do. "Believe it or not, _some_ people actually wanna settle down and have a family of their own."

"I need a drink," she replied, then stood up to head for the kitchen in an attempt to avoid a fight.

"Make mine a beer," he called after her.

She rolled her eyes at the order, but went ahead and poured him a drink, anyway. The kitchen was just as she remembered it, large with just one person in it but cramped with an entire kitchen staff crammed into the room. There was an island that provided some much-needed counter space, though it didn't make maneuvering through the room while dinner was being prepared any easier. The place was currently deserted, so she had no trouble getting to the booze- which was precisely where Chen had kept it thirty-six years ago- and pouring a couple of drinks. "Hey," she called out as she headed back into the sitting room, "remember the time I got into your liquor cabinet and chugged the whole thing?"

"How could I forget?" he grumbled, frowning at the memory. "You threw up everywhere, I had to pay the staff overtime just to get 'em _near_ the mess."

She handed him his beer and flopped down into her chair, grinning at the memory. "Ah, to be fifteen again. Actually, I'd kill myself if I had to be fifteen again. But there were some amusing times."

"Not for me, they weren't."

She resisted the urge to laugh, since she knew he'd probably whack her over the head for it. "It makes me wonder what I missed when I was gone. Y'see, I used to cook at the Jade Palace-"

"I know," he interrupted. "I know the whole sad story- Oogway told me, and lemme tellya, it sure as hell _sounded_ like you. You always _were_ a huge pain in the ass."

"Wow, thanks," she huffed, though she was pleased that he'd at least had some way of knowing she was still alive and kicking. "So what else've you heard from Oogway all these years? I mean, how're Tai Lung and Shifu getting along? Did the kid get that scroll he was always talking about?"

He gave her a look she'd never seen from him, and if she didn't know any better she'd say it was something along the lines of pity. "You mean you didn't hear?"

"Hear what?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "What happened, exactly, that I didn't hear about?" She had the sinking feeling that whatever Chen was about to tell her was going to be bad news.

"I don't know how to put this." He paused and set his drink down, clearing his throat. "Tai Lung's been in prison for the last twenty years."

"...Huh?" She couldn't quite wrap her head around the concept; she still had the picture in her head of that cute, slightly spoiled kid trying so desperately to act grown up. And the idea that the kid would end up in prison... It just didn't seem real.

"Well, first he mastered all thousand scrolls of kung fu," Chen clarified. "Everyone had high hopes for him. I met him, once, up here in Shanghai- they were building a wall around the harbor and needed some muscle to protect it from the pirates. The kid was good, alright, but cocky. And he liked beatin' the crap outta people a little too much, if you ask me- and I said so straight to Oogway, believe me. Turns out he'd been thinking the same things, too. That Shifu, though, didn't see it. Was too proud to see it. When he asked for the Dragon Scroll, Oogway turned him down flat. Then he went on a rampage through the village, destroying everything in sight and killing anyone who got in his way, and tried to take the scroll. Broke Shifu's knee, unfortunately. I ain't ever met anyone who could make a full recovery from an injury like that. Oogway stopped him, of course, and had a prison built for him. The Anvil of Heaven, all one thousand of 'em, guard him now."

"So... So he's imprisoned? For life?"

"Oh, it ain't gonna hold him forever. Oogway knew that from the first moment he stuck Tai Lung in there, but there ain't much else he can do."

Lin's grip on her empty cup tightened as she mulled over everything she had just learned. Throughout Chen's entire explanation, she had been waiting for him to stop and say, "Just kidding!" but that didn't appear to be about to happen. She had expected things to have changed since she'd left, of course- just not like this. "Get me another drink, old man," she ordered, slamming her cup down on the low table between them.

"Take mine," he offered, showing a surprising amount of sympathy.

"Thanks." She grabbed the cup and downed the alcohol in one swig, then slammed that empty cup down as well. "Tell me more about this prison."

"It's called Chor Ghom, and the place is practically a fortress. It's up in the mountains in outer Mongolia, not too far from Wei-Shan's, actually."

"Sounds like I got my next destination," she informed him grimly. "You think you can point it out to me on a map?"

"Yeah, I'll go poke around my records. Pretty sure I got something helpful." Even after so many years apart, he still knew her well enough to give her some time alone, and for that much she was grateful.

She stared across the room at the wall as this new information sunk in. She supposed it had been naive of her to begin with to think she could just come back after thirty-three years to find everyone happy and well. Life was difficult, exhausting, and brutal- even at a place like the Jade Palace. It stood to reason that time would take its toll on them just as much as it had taken its toll on her. The more she had lost in her journey the more she had begun to think of the Valley of Peace as some untouchable place, without the hardship and grief of the rest of the world. That had been stupid of her, and she knew it.

She didn't know what was wrong with her. She had been halfway across the world and back, had seen and done more in the world in three short decades than most people could even fathom, and yet she was still hopelessly clueless. No matter how many losses she faced, each and every one still blind-sided her. Mentors, friends, lovers, children... They had all gone. And she'd remained.

She remembered the moment she'd decided to return to China, three years ago; it still seemed like only yesterday. After she'd spent twelve years building a life for herself, it had all amounted to nothing. The people closest to her had died, one by one, taken by illness and murder. Until it had just been her, her and that stupid drawing she'd held onto for thirty damn years. And it had occurred to her that there was a reason she'd held onto the drawing. The moment she'd reached that conclusion, she'd known what she needed to do. She had sold everything and burned all her bridges, just to ensure that she would never turn back. Sure, she'd stayed a bit longer than planned in India, but she had made it to Shanghai eventually.

She'd made it as far as Shanghai, only to face the harsh reality that the perfect little family she remembered was just that: a memory. The people she loved weren't real people anymore, they were only memories. They had changed so much over time that they might as well have been strangers- just as she'd changed. For the first time since she'd set out on her journey, she was beginning to wonder whether it was a good idea to return to the Valley of Peace.

"Here, I gotya a map with Chor Ghom on it- well, it ain't marked as such, but you can tell what it is from the 'beware' and 'danger' labels written all over the area." Chen hopped back into the room with a scroll that was about three times his size, comically enough. Still, it wasn't enough to cheer her up.

"D'you think I should go?" she asked as she took the scroll from him and unrolled it; he'd been right about all the "danger" labels, which were written in bold over the Tavan Bogd mountain range far to the north.

"That ain't my call and you know it," he replied harshly, then gave her a whack over the head with his little walking stick. "You just want me to say 'no' so you got a reason to puss out."

"Yeah, you're right," she admitted, though the reply also gave her a little hope; after three and a half decades apart, Chen still knew her well enough to see right through her. And he still called her on her nonsense without hesitation, just as he always had. "The more things change, the more they stay the same," she pointed out.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Tell me more about this business with Tai Lung." She might as well glean as much information as possible from Chen- out of everyone in China she could possibly ask on the subject short of the people involved in the incident, he probably knew the most.

"What else is there to tell?" He jumped back up into his seat and settled down. "Oogway saw darkness in Tai Lung, so he wasn't fit to see the Dragon Scroll. Them's the rules. And not even Shifu would try to bend the rules when Oogway's the one laying 'em down."

Lin decided not to inquire as to how, precisely, Shifu could ever be considered the type of person who bent rules. "So Tai Lung freaked out and rampaged."

"Yep. And he got sentenced to life in prison, so they carted him off."

She still had trouble believing that the little boy who had once been so desperate to become a hero had become a man capable of crimes so heinous that his own family would send him to prison. "And that's it? He's just... Been there ever since?"

"He sure has," Chen confirmed.

"And no one's... Visited him or anything? No appeals for parole?" She could tell from the way Chen raised his formidable eyebrows at the questions that they had never even been considerations for anyone involved.

"Trust me, if you had seen what that kid did, you wouldn't be so sympathetic." He shook his head, apparently remembering the rampage. "I saw the aftermath- they were still doing repairs when I visited about a month later. I gotta say, it made me wonder if it was even okay to let one person get so powerful."

"I see." Whether she was able to believe it or not, Tai Lung had obviously done some terrible things. "How'd Oogway and Shifu take it?"

"You know Oogway," he dismissed with a snort. "That old jackass always acts like he knows everything, always trying to be all wise and mystical. All he ever did was act like there was some lesson to be learned from Tai Lung's example. I know better 'an to believe that act, though- he was crushed, just like anyone else would be."

"...And Shifu?" She prompted.

"Same, I'd imagine. Heard he turned into an even bigger miserable asshole 'an he already was. It sure as hell didn't soften him- he's still known as the worst hardass ever to teach kung fu, not that he actually is- if you ask me, people have pretty low standards for that kinda thing nowadays."

She could sense that he was beginning to digress, so she jumped in to stop him. "Wait a minute- Shifu still teaches?"

"Yeah, he's got these five students that're known all over China as the greatest kung fu warriors ever. People call 'em- and get ready for this little gem of inventiveness- the Furious Five." He rolled his eyes as he repeated the name of the group of fighters. "Bunch of flashy young people- y'know, there's more to kung fu 'an flipping around and getting famous. Bah, people these days got no dignity. I guess that's what you get when the best teacher in all of China's a fat little badger with a gimpy leg."

"I thought you liked Shifu."

"Eh," he replied with a shrug. "I ain't made up my mind yet. He's no Oogway, though, that's for sure."

"Well, why would you compare him to- Ohhhh!" Lin blinked down at her former mentor, wondering if she was reading too much into that statement or not. "You saying he's gonna replace Oogway or something?"

"What, you didn't know?" He shook his head, hunching over even more than he already did naturally as he apparently contemplated the arrangement. "That makes two people in all of China- you and the dough boy himself. Oogway's always had that in mind, though, from the moment he found that neurotic dumpling in the middle of the forest."

"Heh." She was somewhat cheered up by the image of a juvenile Shifu, with a big, dumpling-shaped head and a sour expression on his face. "Well, on the bright side, everyone's still alive," she pointed out.

"How optimistic of you."

She snorted and leaned back in her seat as a craving for tobacco began to niggle at the back of her mind. "You don't _really_ dislike Shifu and his students, do you?"

"Feh," Chen replied, which was probably a "no." "If you ask me, there's just something that Shifu's missing. He's the kinda guy who just doesn't _get it_. Y'get me?"

"Oh, I get you," she confirmed, then began fishing around in her bag for a pipe and some tobacco. "Anyway, I got a lot to do before I head back to the Valley of Peace." Not to mention a lot to think about- but she knew herself well enough to know that the full gravity of the events that had occurred in her absence wouldn't hit her until she was able to see for herself. She dreaded her trip to see Tai Lung already, more than she remembered dreading anything in recent years. However, it had to be done, more for her own sake than anything else. She pulled out the heavy mahogany calabash pipe that had been her companion and a source of comfort since it had been given to her, along with some tobacco, and began to stuff it. "So," she finally muttered as she lit her pipe, "you said Wei-Shan lives near this Chor Ghom place?"

* * *

It was a clear, cold night in the mountains and the moonlight glinted off the snow, causing it to sparkle like crystal. The mountain was desolate, devoid of life- though the lack of inhabitants made the night all the more peaceful. The tranquility of that night, however, was soon interrupted as a dark figure sprinted through the mountains on all fours, kicking up snow and dirt as primal rage propelled it through the night.

Tai Lung breathed deeply, relishing his first breaths of fresh air in twenty years. He had been running since his triumphant escape from Chor Ghom, barely noticing his surroundings, his eyes fixed on one thing and one thing only: the horizon. He had spent _twenty years_ mulling over precisely how he was going to get his hands on the Dragon Scroll, a boon which was rightfully his, and he wasn't about to waste any time by hesitating in his journey back to the Valley of Peace. Soon everyone who had once doubted him- that old fool of a turtle, those mindless villagers, and _especially_ Shifu- would see what he was truly capable of. Soon all of China would bow to him. He opened his mouth to let out a primal roar- only to hear the loud growl of his empty stomach instead.

He would have liked to run straight to the Valley of Peace, but it _was_ a two weeks' journey at least, and he could not remember the last time he'd eaten in Chor Ghom. He would have to eat at some point along the way, certainly, but up in the mountains there was nothing but snow, ice, and sheer rock face. Or rather, _normally_ there was.

As if the gods themselves had heard his stomach's plea, he caught sight of the glow of a campfire from the corner of his eye. Without a second thought he veered toward the fire, where a hapless traveler most certainly awaited with something to sate his hunger. In fact, whoever happened to be puttering around that campsite should feel honored to aid him in his quest. He would have told that to the old man who greeted him with a rock to the head and a shouted obscenity that was lost on the wind, but he found he was able to communicate his point much more effectively by taking hold of the tiny, cloaked figure's throat with one hand and squeezing. He assumed the person was an old man, anyway, judging by the sizable humpback underneath his cloak; that was the only indicator, seeing as the traveler had his hood drawn tightly over his head and face to protect him from the bitter cold, obscuring his features.

The peasant had the audacity to kick at him and try to say something, and Tai Lung shook the old man with a snarl. tightening his grip. In the process the old man's hood fell back, and what Tai Lung saw underneath it startled him so badly that he actually dropped his prey and leaped backwards. He watched as the old _woman_ gasped and coughed in the snow, then managed to hoist herself back up to her feet.

"Christ, kid, I almost pooped right in my pants," she wheezed, rubbing at her neck. Her voice was gravelly and phlegmy, as if she were a chain smoker. though that might have just been due to the recent strangling. However, knowing her, she probably was a smoker.

"Lin," he breathed, still dumbfounded. The chances that she'd be anywhere _near_ China, let alone directly in his path toward the Valley of Peace, were astronomical. And yet there she was, old and withered; she looked as if she were nearing the end of her sixties, rather than in her mid-fifties. "You!" he finally choked out.. "_You!_"

"Yeah, me," she agreed, raising her eyebrows at him as she readjusted her cloak and he realized that what he had earlier mistaken as a humpback was in fact her sizable tail. "Hey, you got pretty big, there. Lemme guess- you're hungry, and you wanna steal my food." She actually _turned her back_ on him, and started digging through a bag next to the fire she'd built; she seemed to be traveling a bit heavier than he remembered, but her other packages were of no concern to him. "The good news is that I got plenty of food. The bad news- for you, anyway- is that it needs to be cooked." She pulled an armful of potatoes out of her bag and grinned at him, as if they were old friends. "Hope you like starch!"

His anger had been mounting through her entire speech, but that _grin,_ that casual smile, as if the last time they had seen each other was just yesterday- that sent him off the edge. Tai Lung let out a murderous, blood-curtling roar and sent both his fists hurtling into the frozen ground. The shock waves knocked Lin off her feet and sent snow flying everywhere. He extended his claws and stalked toward her, baring his teeth menacingly. "You _dare_ think that after all these years- after _you left me_, after you _abandoned _me- you can act as if you never did anything?" he shouted, towering over her. "You honestly think that you can treat _me_ with such disrespect? Do you even have _any_ idea what I have _been through?_"

Lin, even after that ferocious display, still had the nerve to act totally unintimidated. She simply stood up and brushed herself off.

Tai Lung felt his fur bristle, and he raised his claws high above his head, snarling. "_Say something!_"

"Sorry," she replied simply.

He blinked down at her, so confused by her response that he lowered his arm a little bit. "What?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I dunno what else to say. I _did_ leave you behind. And I _do_ know what you've been through. And I'm sorry."

He continued to stare blankly at her. He remembered those carefree days, all those years ago, and he remembered how much he'd looked up to her, how much he'd cared for her. And he remembered how she'd tossed _his_ affection aside for Shifu's, how she'd just _left_, like he'd never even mattered in the first place. "Sorry?" he asked quietly, his lip curling. "_Sorry?_" He raised his voice again, unable to contain his anger. "That's all you have to say!"

"Yeah," she replied, still acting totally calm. "And I was also hoping that you'd let me feed you."

"That's it?" He was once again perplexed by her total lack of reaction to him.

"That's it." She leaned down and started to pick up the potatoes she'd dropped. "I got some leeks, too. They're good with potatoes."

"You seriously just want to feed me?" He finally lowered his arm to his side and detracted his claws. "I could have gutted you alive by now!"

"So?" She picked up a stick and stoked her fire with it; it was a miracle that the fire was still burning, actually. "I'm knocking on death's door anyway, and if you're the one to kill me I'll at least have deserved it."

"You're _dying?_" It made sense to him now, seeing her there. She had probably returned to China in some last ditch effort to gain peace or clarity or some equally asinine emotional reason.

"Not quickly, but still. I think I got about ten years, tops. Probably more like five. You want tea?"

"What are you dying from?" he asked, ignoring her question. "Do you have a disease?"

She just shrugged. "Oh, it's lotsa things- people like me don't generally last too long. Frankly, _I_ think I'm already way past my life expectancy. You mind if I smoke?" She pulled a pipe out of her sleeve, but he supposed that he shouldn't have been surprised by it.

"Go ahead." He sat down heavily in front of the fire, staring balefully into it. Seeing Lin like that just made him feel so _old_.

"So you escaped from prison," she started, and he looked up to see that she'd already stuffed and lit her pipe while he was distracted. "Was it hard?" She pulled a knife out of her bag and started slicing up her leeks.

Tai Lung wasn't sure how to respond to the question; it was the last thing he'd ever expected to be asked, especially by someone who actually knew him. "No," he answered shortly, watching her slice leeks.

"Ah, it never is when you actually get around to it. You're probably better at it 'an I am, anyway, with the kung fu and all." She was slicing much more slowly than he remembered her doing so when he was a child; she had probably developed arthritis over the years. "Heard you mastered all the scrolls of kung fu, by the way- what was it again? A thousand?"

"Yes, one thousand," he confirmed, and despite himself his chest puffed out a bit with pride.

She nodded. "Thought you would."

"Why?" He'd only been seven the last time she'd seen him, so he didn't see how she could have foreseen such a thing. He hated to admit it, but he hadn't quite been the same great warrior as a child.

"Well, you said you would." She picked up a potato, cut it open, and started stuffing leek slices into it. "And I'm guessing that you're headed on back to get that scroll of yours, now."

He blinked down at her, a strange numbness spreading through his body at the shock of what she'd said to him. She had called the Dragon Scroll _his_ scroll. She was the first person since Oogway had rejected him to actually acknowledge that the scroll was rightfully his.

"Anyway," she went on, apparently oblivious to how that statement had struck him, "lookit _you!_" She let out a bark of laughter and slapped her knee, and he highly suspected that had he been within her reach she would have pinched his cheeks. "With your little mustache-whiskers and everything! I just can't get over it, y'know? You're _forty_."

"Eugh," he grumbled at the reminder.

"And what's with that accent? What'd you just make that up to impress the ladies and then it stuck?" She was quickly negating the good favor her previous statement about the Dragon Scroll had earned her.

"I could kill you with one finger," he reminded her darkly, and he would not be opposed to doing so, either- especially if she kept up with her taunting.

"And like I said, I would die without regrets." She stuck her knife into the wood at the edge of the fire and pushed it aside, then dug a shallow hole in the exposed ground, tossed the potatoes in, and covered them with the burning wood again. "Well, we got about half an hour 'til those're done. Whaddaya wanna talk about?"

"Nothing," he replied. "And I have half a mind to eat those potatoes raw. Thirty minutes?"

"Yep," she confirmed. "I don't see what your rush is. The Valley of Peace ain't going anywhere."

"Perhaps not, but I have not talked to anyone in twenty years, and if you don't mind I _do_ have some pressing business to take care of." He glared darkly into the fire as he contemplated his vengeance, and just how close at hand it was.

"Oh, half an hour ain't gonna hurt anything. It'll takeya weeks to get back to the valley from here, anyway." She momentarily took the pipe from her mouth and let out a heavy sigh, blowing some rather fragrant smoke along with it. "God, this moisture's killer on the joints."

"What are you smoking, precisely?" He waved the smoke away from himself as quickly as he could, but he was still treated to an irritating face-full of the stuff.

"Tobacco, of course! This look like an opium pipe to you? Never mind, don't answer that- I can already tell you got no idea what one of those looks like." She picked up her stick and stoked the fire again. "It's a blend I only ever found in Bombay, but _damn_ is it good. My favorite."

"Then shouldn't you try to save it?"

She let out a throaty cackle at the question. "Save it for what? What's the point in not using something 'cause you're afraid you'll run outta it? You'll end up not using it either way, and then it just goes to waste. I'm too old to be saving the good stuff for later."

"I sincerely hope you are not trying to impress a life lesson into me with your nonsensical babbling," he grumbled; he certainly wouldn't put it past her. "I have no need for it."

"Oh, certainly not," she agreed amiably. "You got your life all planned out, and nothing's gonna stopya. I know that whole song and dance by now."

He eyed her suspiciously for that one; she was _definitely_ trying to put one over on him. "Precisely what are you implying?"

"Nothing. It's just one more thing you and I got in common." She paused as she pulled a flask out from under her cloak and shook it up a little. "I always thought we were a lot alike." She took a swig from the flask, then offered it to him. "Drink?"

"No," he answered flatly, glaring at her as she drank, the smug old hag. "You think you are so smart, don't you?" he accused, and in response she shrugged.

"Yeah, I kinda do," she confirmed. "You're just noticing now?"

"This is not a joke!" he snapped back, standing up to loom menacingly over her. "_I_ am not a joke!"

"I never said you were. I dunno what you are, to be honest."

"I am the _Dragon Warrior_," he growled, his fur bristling; her roundabout answers were _really_ getting on his nerves. "The _true_ Dragon Warrior!"

"Okay," she agreed casually. "I know better 'an to try to argue with all these kung fu things I don't understand."

"As well you _should_ know your place." He crossed his arms and glowered at her, something that would have paralyzed anyone else with fear.

She just leaned over and poked at the fire with her stick. "Awful rude way to talk to someone who's feeding you, isn't it?"

He wanted to strangle her on the spot, and he would have if it hadn't been for the sudden growling of his stomach. She had a point about the food. "The only reason you are not dead right now is those potatoes," he informed her.

"Whatever you say," she maddeningly dismissed. "So what's the plan for after you get the Dragon Scroll?"

"I will finally be recognized as the great hero I truly am, _obviously_."

"Oh, okay," she agreed easily, though he doubted there was any sincerity in the reply.

"Mock me one more time, old woman," he threatened, "and I will not hesitate to rip your throat out, potatoes or no potatoes."

"Uhp, sorry," she replied, again with a complete lack of sincerity.

"Oh, _hang_ the potatoes!" He was just about to leap over the fire and beat her to a bloody pulp when she said something that made him stop in his tracks, he was so flabbergasted she'd even mention it.

"So whatever happened to those sprouts?" she asked conversationally as she poked at the fire again. "While we're on the subject of produce."

"W-what?"

"Y'know, the sprouts from that vegetable garden we started together. Didya ever get 'em to grow? Get any good food from 'em?"

"Yes, but why would you _ever_ want to know that?" He was still a bit shocked by the question.

"'Cause you were upset that I didn't even notice the sprouts."

At that statement he realized something very important, which explained why she seemed so frustratingly unintimidated by him. She didn't see a great kung fu master or a menacing criminal before her- instead she saw nothing more than a seven-year-old boy. A seven-year-old boy who liked to garden, no less. Gods, he had been a pansy. "Give me those potatoes," he ordered immediately after reaching said epiphany.

"They ain't done yet," she protested, her voice taking on a whiney tinge that he found downright sickening.

He honestly didn't understand how he had ever been able to stand the woman for even a moment. He must have been an idiot as a child, on top of being a pansy. "I do not care," he spat. "Food is food, and you've held me up long enough as it is."

"You sure?" she pressed, most likely unaware of how much she was wearing at his tolerance. "You're gonna hafta sleep, too, eventually."

"Forget it." He shuddered at the thought of spending a night alongside her. "Dig up the potatoes, hand them over, and I will be on my way."

"I don't see what the rush is," she muttered as she grabbed her knife to dig out his dinner. "You sure you don't want a drink before you go?"

"Absolutely not." The last thing he needed was alcohol to cloud his judgement.

"More for me, then." She sounded rather pleased at the thought, as well. "Too bad, too. It warmsya right up, from the inside out." She pushed the potatoes out into the snow with her knife, then reached into her seemingly bottomless bag for a rag, which she wrapped the root vegetables in. "Don't eat 'em too fast, you'll get gas pockets."

"Thank you for the sage advice," he grumbled sarcastically, then swiped the little package from her hands.

"You _sure_ you don't want anything else? Some tea, maybe?"

"Stop offering me things!" he growled, resisting the urge to hit her. "I do not want anything aside from these potatoes! Do you understand? I have the potatoes now, and now I am leaving."

"Okay," she sighed. "Be careful."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in consternation at the absolutely worthless warning. "Don't follow me."

She snorted at the order, raising her eyebrows. "You really think I'd even try?"

He supposed she had a point there. It wasn't as if she had ever done anything that was not part of her own agenda. "You were lucky tonight," he reminded her. "If we meet again, don't count on your luck to last."

"Duly noted." She had the nerve to actually sound _amused_ at him.

"And one more thing-" He paused when she reached inside her mouth and with a disgusting sucking noise pulled out half of her teeth, which had apparently been wooden dentures. "-_Gross_."

"If I don't take 'em out now they might freeze to my gums in the night," she explained, which only made him want to vomit all the more. "Anyway, that's what happens when you get musket-whipped in the face."

"_Enough!_" he snapped, his patience for her gone. "Goodbye, and may our paths never cross again- _ever!_"

"Y'know, now that you said that we're _definitely_ gonna meet again," she called out after him as he turned his back on her and ran as fast as possible.

He didn't reply, for fear of being sucked into more irritating conversation. He had to admit, that if he was given a choice between spending another moment of his life alongside _her_, or going straight back to Chor Ghom... He just might pick the latter.

* * *

Lin coughed loudly into her fist, then hacked up a sizable amount of phlegm, which she spat into the snow. "Damn idiot, living in the middle of nowhere," she grumbled to herself as she trekked up the mountain toward a tiny house visible in the distance, nestled in a nook on the mountainside so perfect in size and shape that it looked like it had been carved specifically for the structure. It probably had been, actually.

She paused for a breather and contemplated the events of the other night- she was still a little shocked that she had run into Tai Lung. Or rather, that he had run into her at full speed and attempted to strangle her to death. He definitely hadn't turned out how she'd expected, though she should have known better at her age to expect anything but the unexpected. At least he hadn't gone _completely_ bat-shit crazy, as she had feared... Only about halfway there. He didn't seem to have much of a sense of humor anymore, either. His new attitude reminded her a lot of Shifu, aside from the whole murderous rage thing.

As she struggled through the waist-deep snow, she contemplated precisely _why_ she had returned to China. Of course she had imagined returning to the Valley of Peace to spend her remaining years alongside the family she had once belonged to... Not that there was any possibility of that anymore, what with the way things had turned out. If the news of Tai Lung's incarceration hadn't sewn some doubts in her mind about returning to the valley, then their clandestine meeting certainly had. However, she knew she was only making excuses.

She was over-thinking her life again. There was no need to question her motives or reconsider her goal; she wanted to go back to the Valley of Peace, so she was going to go back to the Valley of Peace, no matter what. Right after this one last visit, of course.

At last, she reached the front door of the house, huffing and puffing as she attempted to wipe the caked-on snow off her clothes. She was pretty sure that she was in the middle of a hot flash, too, but she did her best to ignore it and knocked on the door. She could hear someone moving around inside, yet he didn't seem in too much of a hurry to let her in, so she gave the door another loud rap. After the second time, though, the door opened about halfway with a creak, and the house's owner blinked back at her, looking rather shocked.

Wei-Shan didn't seem to have changed a whole lot, from what she could see of him. He'd always had a youthful air about him, probably having something to do with the theory that a man was only as old as he felt. Of course he had more wrinkles showing through his thick white fur, his glasses were thicker than ever, magnifying his blue eyes, and he'd definitely passed the spring of his life long ago... But he looked pretty good for an eighty-six year old man.

"Quan?" He squinted at her through his gigantic glasses, still hesitating to let her in. "It can't be."

"Don't pull a freakin' Chen on me," she huffed, and simply forced the door open and marched into his nice, warm house.

Wei-Shan had always been a bit of a pushover, so he let her do so without complaint. "It _is_ you!"

"Yep, it's me." She had to admit, she was a lot more happy to see him than she thought she'd be. All of her memories of the man were overshadowed by the painful adolescent crush she'd had on him, and to be honest she'd been afraid that seeing him might make her feel like a child all over again. However, that was not the case. "And from what I can tell, you ain't blind yet."

"You haven't changed a bit," he complimented.

"Maybe I spoke too soon."

"You know it's just a saying." He indicated a round table in the back of his one-room cottage, next to the small wood-burning stove. "Have a seat, I'll put on some water for tea."

"Thanks." She took a look around the room as she dropped her various luggage on the floor and sat in one of the two chairs at the table. The cottage was about twice as long as it was wide, and just as cluttered with various scrolls, codexes, emptied ink bottles, scraps of copper and paper, and probably every quill and brush he'd ever owned as his house in Shanghai had been. Of course the walls were lined with bookshelves in every space possible- so pretty much everywhere except for near the stove, for obvious reasons. While the back half of the cottage was more of a kitchen area, the front was clearly a workspace, a writing desk and comfortable-looking reading chair against one wall and a surprisingly small printing press against the other- probably homemade. The bed, meanwhile, was in a small loft area over the writing desk, accessible by ladder. "I call dibs on the bed."

"I should have known," he replied, shaking his head. "You're not the only one around here with arthritis."

"What tipped you off on that, the creaking of my joints or the fact that I can only bend at a twenty degree angle?" she huffed sarcastically. "And I'm the guest. Where d'you expect me to sleep?"

"Wherever you want to." He started rummaging in one of the two small cabinets he had bolted to the wall over the stove, and pulled out a rather meagre stash of tea. "But you should know in advance that _I_ will be sleeping in the bed. If you want to share, that's fine with me."

"I don't share a bed with a man unless I'm screwing him," she replied shortly, amused that even at his age he was still embarrassed enough to drop his tea leaves everywhere. "I guess I can make an exception for you, though."

"You're not kidding, are you?"

She ignored the question and instead changed the subject. "So why d'you live all the way up here?" For some reason, the idea of going into any sordid details about her love life with him made her uncomfortable. She chalked it up to the childhood crush and left it at that.

"I like the cold weather and I'm difficult to find," he answered with a shrug. "There isn't much more to it than that. The real question here is: why did you show up out of nowhere after so many years?"

"It's a long story," she dismissed, exhausted at the mere thought of going through the long explanation of her circumstances with him. "I'll tellya after I've had a good, long rest."

"Alright," he agreed, then raised his eyebrows at her. "Does it have anything to do with your lady love?"

"Oh for the love of- you know about that?" she huffed, disgruntled by the joke about her past.

"Your stay at the Jade Palace isn't exactly the big secret you apparently think it is," he pointed out, grinning a little at her reaction. "Chen and I have been writing back and forth for years- I'm not the wanted man I once was, so there's no real danger in our communication. Not that my record has been expunged, that is. I've simply been forgotten. Anyway, Master Oogway told Chen, Chen told me..."

"And you sent out a country-wide bulletin," she commented sarcastically, then crossed her arms.

"While that would have been amusing, I doubt anyone in existence would have cared." That particular jab had been a low blow. "Besides, most people still think you're a man."

Lin perked up a little bit at the suggestion that there were actually people out there who knew who she was. "Whaddaya mean?" She supposed it may have seemed vain, but seeing as an artist's career was built mainly on reputation, she felt justified in showing such an interest.

He seemed to know very well what she had in mind. "You're not terribly famous," he amended. "Though most artists know of your work and your years as a student of Chen's and mine. And there's that portrait of Oogway-"

"Oh no," she groaned, slapping a palm to her forehead, then dragging her hand down her face in utter humiliation. "_That_ awful thing?" She didn't have fond memories of _any_ of her old work, and while the painting of Oogway had been alright in its technical execution, the last thing she wanted to be known for was portraiture.

"Don't worry, your years as a social outcast are known as well," he reassured, letting out an amused snort at her concern. "Although since your alleged disappearance, it has generally been accepted in academic circles that you were indeed male. Your stint living at the Jade Palace had its impact, though- your adoption of the moniker 'Lin' has resulted in your name somehow morphing into Quan Li."

"Just what I always wanted," she grumbled.

"And anyone who knows anything about you, though I stress once again that their numbers are few," he added, "also knows that a large chunk of your body of work is housed there."

"I'm gonna kill Oogway when I get back down there," she growled, gritting her teeth at the thought of... Well, pretty much everything Wei-Shan had just told her. "Him _and_ Chen, and _you_."

"Good call, that was mostly our work. Though you should know that we generally referred to you as a woman, so don't go blaming me for the whole man thing."

"Wow, I feel so much better now," she replied flatly as she glared at him.

"I just want to say that I find your lack of gratitude unsurprising," he shot back. "You finally have status as a master artist, and all you can do is complain sarcastically."

"That tea water's been boiling for a while." She watched as he rushed to take the water off the heat and start steeping the tea, shaking her head. She'd forgotten how endearing his habitual forgetfulness and genuine friendliness could be, and obviously he had remembered her fondly if he'd done such a thing for her. "So I think I'm gonna stick around and visit for a little while."

"Oh? Did you do that with Chen?" He raised his eyebrows, as if he thought it was possible to guilt her.

"That's different," she dismissed, and at his quizzical look elaborated. "Chen's more like a parent to me. And everyone knows that it is a rare and brave soul who can stand his parents for more 'an two minutes."

"You do make a valid point," he accepted. "But you _do_ know you'll have to visit more often now, don't you?"

"Oh, I know," she replied, wincing as she imagined spending holidays with Chen nagging her half to death. "So, you sure you don't mind a visitor?"

"Why not? It tends to get a little lonely up here, anyway."

"Good." She took the first step toward settling in and pulled her pipe out of her bag. "You don't mind if I smoke, right?"

"Would it really matter if I did?" he sighed.

She laughed at the question- it reminded her of old times, even though it was somewhat depressing to have aged enough to be able to look fondly back on "old times."

"Nope, it wouldn't matter one bit."

* * *

A month passed by companionably, and Wei-Shan refrained from asking Lin anything about why she wanted to stay so long, which suited her perfectly. If she were being brutally honest with herself (which she tried to do as often as possible). it was because she was a coward, plain and simple. She hadn't survived as long as she had with bravery, though, so she tried not to sneer at the trait. Still, she would be lying if she said she hadn't fully expected Tai Lung to kill her the night they had serendipitously crossed paths. She was actually pretty surprised that he hadn't. So when he told her not to follow him, she listened. She had begun to wonder what had happened upon his return to the Valley of Peace- whether he had taken the Dragon Scroll by force as planned, or whether Shifu and Oogway had managed to stop him. Either way, the outcome would be unbearably depressing.

She felt guilty about staying as far away as possible, though she didn't see how she could have been of any help to anyone. Sure, she owned a musket, but she wasn't going to go around shooting people she considered family, no matter what they'd done. And getting killed wasn't going to help matters any, either. Besides, she was also afraid of the reaction she could receive. She knew Oogway would only be too happy to see her again, but what if Shifu reacted to her return the way Tai Lung had? She wasn't sure if she was quite ready for that kind of rejection.

So, she'd stayed with Wei-Shan. It hadn't been wasted time, either- they'd caught up, for one. Apparently he'd been hiding out in the mountains basically for the past thirty-six years. And they had shared many lively discussions on modern art, printing techniques, politics- everything under the sun. They'd done some collaborations, as well, though she wasn't as good at working with others as she had been in her youth. There had been other perks, of course, not that she was terribly concerned with perks when it came to visiting an old friend. All in all, it had been a pretty good month.

And then she got a much-needed kick in the ass, in the form of a letter from Chen. The letter came for Wei-Shan, actually, by way of messenger goose, upon whom she shoved as much food and tea as he would accept before taking flight again. And while she normally would have read his mail as if it belonged to her, she was busy with dinner (a variety of roots dug up and boiled to make a soup). When she paused in her cooking, though, she finally noticed the grim expression on Wei-Shan's face. "What?"

"The letter," he replied, then set it aside on the eating table.

"What's it say?"

He hesitated a moment, then looked up at her with a forlorn sigh. "Oogway's dead."

She thought for a moment she'd heard him wrong, but from the way he was looking at her, she doubted it. "...What?" She had traveled so far, had gotten so close to the Valley of Peace, and Oogway had gone and kicked it before she'd even gotten there.

"Tai Lung, too, apparently," he added.

She'd known that much had been a distinct possibility, of course, but that didn't make the news any easier to swallow. The moment the words left Wei-Shan's mouth, she burst into tears.

His reaction was predictably awkward. "Holy- what the- what are you doing? Are you alright- what is this?"

"It's called _crying_, dumbass!" she snapped, annoyed at his reaction. Granted, she normally didn't cry in front of other people, and even in private it was a rare occurrence for her... But it had just suddenly come over her, as if she'd been hit by a brick. "It's what happens when people get news like this."

"I just- I've never seen you cry before."

"Will you just tell me what happened?" She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve, though it wasn't much help. "I mean, gimme some details."

"Well, apparently Oogway told Shifu it was his time, and he ascended with the peach blossoms or something..." He paused when he caught sight of how she was glaring at him; apparently he'd gotten the message that she didn't appreciate the lack of emotion in his description. "Sorry. Anyway, Tai Lung went back to the valley to take the Dragon Scroll... And the Dragon Warrior performed the Wuxi finger hold on him. There was no trace of him after that. He's presumed dead."

Lin groped behind her until she felt a chair, then plopped down into it. "I must be the only person in all of China who isn't celebrating, huh?"

"Yes," he confirmed.

She didn't even bother to glare at him for that one; what else did she expect from a man who'd lived alone for over thirty years? Not to mention a man who had been so socially inept to begin with. "I'd tellya to leave me alone for a while, but in order to do that you'd hafta venture outside into the freezing cold," she sniffed, then gave her eyes another swipe with her sleeve as she tried to get her tears under control. "Ah, what'm I saying? Leave me alone."

"I'll go sit in the corner," he compromised, then headed for his desk.

"No need," she stopped him. "I gotta get some fresh air, anyway."

"Well I was going to sit in the corner, anyway."

"Your concern for me is overwhelming." She grabbed her cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders as she headed out into the deep snow; she'd spent a month living in the same room as the man and yet she _still_ had no clue what was going through his head most of the time. She'd lived with much worse offenders than him, of course- she briefly recalled one of the closest friends she'd had while living in London, and his irritating habit of interrupting whatever she'd happened to be doing at the time for some stupid reason, apparently under the assumption that she could drop everything to listen to him complain about politics or go out drinking. It had been a few years since she'd been that close to someone, and she missed it.

As was her habit, she was thinking about more comforting times to distract herself from her emotional distress- which wasn't good, because she wouldn't be able to properly go through the grieving process if she simply diverted her attention. She had learned over time that it was better to simply acknowledge her feelings and get the embarrassing part over with- preferably in private. Luckily it was a clear night with a full moon out, and the wind wasn't strong enough to knock her over, so conditions were as good as they were going to get in the mountains for a walk... And a cry. After all, after she'd come so far, two of the people she'd wanted to be with the most were dead.

She couldn't help but once again wonder if there was even a point in going back to the Jade Palace, anymore. Oogway was definitely dead, and Tai Lung was_ probably_ dead- even if he wasn't, he'd become so jaded and angry that he'd sooner kill her than look at her. Then there was Shifu: he had six students, all of them the greatest warriors in China, and one of them that Dragon Warrior he'd always wanted to train. It wasn't as if she would be welcome, or wanted. Everything had changed. _She_ had changed. What had she even expected in the first place, when she'd decided to return? Had she just, in a fit of loneliness and insecurity, been desperate to reclaim a part of her past that over the years had become increasingly idealized in her own mind? Had she wanted to relive her youth? Had she wanted to relive her fond memories? The answers to all those questions were probably yes, and they were all terrible reasons. It was a horrible thing to be constantly looking back, to live in the past. She needed to live in the present, as well as look forward to her future. And that was what she had told herself her entire life, yet she had always, _always_ had the past on her mind. Every single day she had thought about them, every child she saw had reminded her of Tai Lung and every man she'd ever been with she'd compared to Shifu. And for thirty-three years, the hollow ache of a broken heart had never dulled. Not even a little bit.

She had done her best to forget, but it had apparently never been good enough. She certainly didn't regret the course her life had taken, and she wouldn't trade it for the world. If she were given a second chance to make that choice between staying in the Valley of Peace and leaving, she would have _still_ picked the latter, without hesitation. But she had never been able to let go- the well-worn drawing of Shifu, Oogway, and Tai Lung sitting together that she'd kept safe was proof enough of that. She couldn't keep on living in the past, though- she needed to accept the present. But she also knew, as she had known from the moment she'd decided to haul her ass back to China, that her future was at the Jade Palace. After all, there would always be a place for her there.

And there still was a point in going back. Tai Lung was gone. Oogway was gone. But Shifu was still there, and probably neurotic as ever.

And despite the fact that it was absurd, that she _knew_ she was only fixating on a memory, she still loved him, as much as she ever had. That was reason enough to go back. She'd faltered for a lot of reasons, but she couldn't deny that the one that had kept her at bay for so painfully long was also the most shameful: she was terrified of rejection. Surely no one else on the face of the planet was insane enough to hold a torch for someone they'd known for three months as long as she had, including Shifu. There was no way he still had feelings for her. There was a distinct possibility he didn't even remember her fondly. Maybe he didn't remember her at all. And maybe there was someone else in his life already, someone prettier than she was, someone warmer and nicer and... Better. Maybe he had someone he loved, more than he'd ever loved her.

But maybe, just maybe, he was available. _Maybe_ he remembered her fondly. And maybe he would want her friendship, if nothing else.

Those remote possibilities were what she was banking one. They were all she had left. She didn't hold out for the possibility that he could have been even remotely as obsessive as she had been. She wasn't sure she would even want that. It was sick, really, how emotionally loyal she had been to him over the years. Men had come and gone, flings and actual relationships alike, and some had even attempted to commit to her. But she had never wavered, even for a moment, in her devotion. She had _wanted_ to- she simply hadn't been able. The truth had always been plain and simple to her: as long as she remained in love with him, she would never be able to fall in love with anyone else. And she had never fallen out of love.

She knew the man she loved didn't exist anymore, though. The man she loved hadn't existed for over thirty years. He was nothing more than a memory, and a heavily idealized one, at that. She fished around in her robe for a minute and pulled out the little piece of paper she always kept tucked away on her, unfolded it, and stared down at the drawing she'd discovered in her bag so long ago. She loved the man in that drawing, but he was gone forever. In his place was someone new, someone she knew absolutely nothing about. A stranger. But if she had even an inkling of a chance at loving anyone in the world the way she had loved a memory for so long, it was that stranger.

She sucked in a deep breath as she held the drawing out in front of her, gripping the top of it tightly with both hands. Somehow that little piece of paper had survived thirty-three years of fist-fights, near-arrests, injuries, sex, the consequences thereof, alcohol, and war. It was barely still in one piece, but it had survived, just as she had. It was that stupid, mediocre drawing that had guided her through some of the worst times in her life, as well as shared some of the best times. And it was that drawing that had, on a quiet, lonely night, convinced her to return to China. It was thanks to that drawing that she had realized the reason she'd _kept_ the damn thing her whole life was because... She'd wanted to go back. She just hadn't been ready yet.

She finally let out the breath she'd been holding and ripped the paper in half, then let it go and watched it blow away in the wind. She didn't need a drawing anymore.

* * *

Po hummed to himself as he slowly shuffled backwards across the massive theater inside the Jade Palace's festive red front doors, which had been propped open to extend an unspoken invitation to any visitors that might happen by. While most mornings found him training diligently with the help of his fellow masters (sometimes with copious help, depending on which of the training hall's many torture devices he happened to be attempting to overcome), all the masters of the Jade Palace participated in a chore rotation, mainly to maintain their humility. So Po currently found himself sweeping the entire theater, in order to keep it presentable; in Master Shifu's words, it was the first impression visitors had of the Jade Palace, and that impression should be a good one.

Personally, he didn't see why he needed to sweep an _outdoor_ arena, but Shifu's word was law. The kung fu master had been slowly (as in, at a glacier's pace) mellowing in the couple of months since Tai Lung's defeat and his subsequent enlightenment, but people didn't generally change overnight, and somehow he doubted the neurotic master of the Jade Palace would ever fully be at peace. Po could see some hope for the guy, though- his sense of humor was getting better, at least.

He took a short break and leaned on his broom, wiping his brow with his forearm as he surveyed his handiwork. It looked exactly the same as it had before he'd swept it, but at least he could honestly say that he completed the chore to the best of his ability. Besides, he had a busy morning of kung fu training ahead of him, followed by an afternoon of study and meditation with Shifu (who probably provided the worst example of the calm, relaxing practice in the entirety of kung fu), and then he needed to get down to the village to help his dad with the noodle restaurant's dinner rush. He was just about to go get started on his busy day when something stopped him- a noise that had come from the massive set of stairs that served as the only connection between the Jade Palace and the village below. He set his broom aside and turned to greet whatever visitor had braved the climb, but there was no one there.

He squinted at the open front gates; he could have sworn that he'd heard something, like a faint shout or a thud. He'd thought for sure that someone was attempting to climb the thousand steps, but as he slowly approached and listened intently for any other signs of life, he was puzzled to hear nothing more. He was just about to resume in his morning routine when another sound finally drifted up toward him.

"Shit!" That had been unmistakable. "Screw stairs. Aaaahhhh, _why?_"

"Uh... Hello?" he called back.

A hand suddenly appeared on the top step as an old- well, he guessed woman, by the pitch of her voice- hauled herself up, then collapsed in a heap, panting. She was absolutely the most bedraggled dog he had ever seen in his life, though to be honest he hadn't exactly seen a whole lot of dogs to begin with. "You," she grunted, pointing up at him.

"Me?" He asked, then glanced around quickly to make sure he was the only person she could possibly be referring to; unfortunately, he was.

"What're you, deaf? Yeah, _you_." She pushed herself into a sitting position and brushed off the front of her robes, still panting. "Be a polite young man and help an old woman up."

Upon closer inspection, she didn't actually seem to be _that_ old- then again, different people aged differently, so he decided not to split hairs. "Are you, um, here to see someone?" he asked awkwardly as he grabbed hold of her hands and helped her hoist herself to her feet.

"Yeah," she answered, then continued to brush herself off. "The one with the big head."

He didn't see why she was fussing over her clothing so much; her outfit was just the plain brown dress of a farmer or a craftsman, so the dirt didn't really show on it. "Big head?" he repeated.

"Big ears, too," she clarified, then illustrated her point by placing her hands on top of her head in a pantomime of ears and wiggling her fingers. "_Huge_, really. And don't let him tellya it's a red panda thing, 'cause I've met plenty of red pandas in my life and lemme tellya, it is _not_." Now that she was actually speaking at length, he could hear a strange lilt in her voice- some type of accent that he couldn't identify. It wasn't a strong one, but it was definitely there. Not to mention she sounded rather gravelly, though he stopped wondering why when she pulled a large wooden pipe from her bag. "And who're you, anyway?"

"I'm Po," he introduced politely, and bowed since she was his elder. "And, uhm... Who're _you?_" He honestly couldn't imagine Master Shifu knowing a person like her, though he'd never actually met a friend of his master's before.

"Po, eh?" she asked, ignoring his question as she pulled out a small bag of tobacco and began stuffing her pipe. "I heard that name before. You're uh... The watchamacallit. Dragon Warrior." She stuck the unlit pipe in her mouth and tried to rummage through her bag for something else, but she also had other luggage in tow that was getting in her way. On her other shoulder was what appeared to be a grocery bag (he had no clue why she would bring groceries to the Jade Palace, but maybe she'd brought a gift or something for Master Shifu) and then strapped to her back was a long object wrapped in cloth that he couldn't quite identify, though he could see what appeared to be a blade sticking out the top of its wrapping.

"If you want, I could, uhm, carry something," he offered, even though she had yet to introduce herself.

"Take my wine," she ordered immediately, passing over the grocery bag. "And here, the musket, too." She took the mysterious object from her back and shoved it into his hands.

"M-musket?" he repeated, eyeing the unexpectedly heavy item warily. "You mean a _gun?_"

"Naw, it's a dildo," she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him. "Of _course_ a gun, what else would I be talking about? And be careful with that, a pistol ain't no substitute for a musket."

"You have _two_ guns?"

"Where're you _from_, kid? Why would I walk around with a gun if I didn't have a backup, huh? Aha!" She finally found what she had been looking for: a knife and some flint. "So you _are_ the Dragon Warrior, right?" she asked as she lit her pipe. "You didn't answer me yet."

"Well, yeah, but you-"

"Thought so," she interrupted, completely unconcerned with what he'd been about to say. "And lookit you, too." She squinted critically at him, and he wasn't sure what to say to that comment.

He was offended, of course, but he really should have been used to people being surprised that he was a panda; after all, he didn't exactly fit the part of "ultimate warrior."

"You look about right for the job," she concluded, to his surprise. "I can see why Oogway woulda picked you- you look like a good kid." She poked at his belly as she walked past him and in through the front gates. "Healthy, too. You got a good appetite, or d'you just live offa dew and universe crap?"

"Um, I guess I have a good appetite," he answered, still taken aback by the stranger. He didn't want to offend her in case she was some great kung fu master- he wouldn't want to start off his day by insulting one of his many heroes, or by getting his butt kicked. Still, he was perplexed by how crude she was. "What'd you say your name was again?"

"Lin," she finally told him, puffing a cloud of smoke in his direction as she answered.

He'd never heard of her in his life. "Sorry- how d'you know Master Shifu?"

She let out a loud bark of laughter at his question, though he didn't understand what she found so funny. "I was the cook." She grinned as she got that far away look on her face that most older people got, the look that meant she was reminiscing about her past. "And he used to play grab-ass with me while I was trying to work."

"Ew." Po wrinkled his nose at the mental image the description had evoked. He would have died happy without ever having heard about Master Shifu's apparent affinity for women's behinds.

"Oh, that was a long time ago," she dismissed with another laugh. "Back when I was young and had quite the cute little rear end, in retrospect. Compared to the saggy, sad excuse for a butt I got now, anyway."

He tried to change the subject as politely as possible. "If you don't mind, I kinda would rather talk about something besides your butt." That didn't sound too offensive to him, but he decided to add to it just in case. "I mean, I barely know you."

"Okay, so who does the cooking around here now?" she asked, pausing in their walk to look at the overgrown grass and shrubbery at one side of the path.

"I do," he replied, wondering what she could possibly be looking at.

"You should put a vegetable garden here, then," she ordered with a decisive nod, then continued on her way; she appeared to be headed toward the barracks. "I didn't come all the way back here to be a cook again, though if you want I could helpya out every now and then."

"Whaddaya mean?" If he didn't know any better, he'd think she sounded more like she was planning to move in than to visit.

"Well, I'm sure you're a very good cook, otherwise you wouldn't hold the position in the first place. All I'm saying is it's nice to get a helping hand every now and then." She took her pipe out of her mouth and poked him in the side with it, which actually hurt a little. "Besides, you're still pretty young. Maybe you might like some pointers, sometime. Make an old woman feel useful."

"Sure, okay," he agreed hesitantly, rubbing at his side with his free hand. "But I gotta tellya, if you're here to see Shifu, he's probably not still in the barracks."

"Oh, I know," she replied flippantly. "I just wanna drop my stuff off first."

"Right."

"I wonder if my old room's still empty? Probably not, I'd imagine." She was most definitely planning to stay for a while.

"So, uhm... Did Master Shifu invite you?" he pried. He could see Shifu inviting a friend for a visit, but he would definitely discuss it with the rest of the Jade Palace's residents before inviting someone to _live_ there.

"He sure did," she confirmed as she walked through the front door of the barracks as if she owned the place, then made a beeline for the room nearest the kitchen. "Ah, just like I remember it," she commented as she pushed the door open and dropped her things unceremoniously on the floor. She then grabbed the musket and wine from him and did the same to them. Then, she simply stood in the doorway and stared at the empty room.

"Uhm..."

"I'm trying to decide where my bed's gonna go," she informed him, squinting at the far corner. "That looks good."

"But... This room already has a bed," he pointed out.

"Please, I already know these beds are as uncomfortable as _hell_."

"I think they're supposed to be. I guess it's good for you or something..."

"Bullshit," she replied. "Besides, I'm old- I'm already uncomfortable all the time as it is, the last thing I need is a bed as hard as rocks. Though some people like that- I know Shifu does, that's probably why all these beds are like granite. I should know, I've felt his bed for myself, it was nightmarish."

"A little too much information there," he informed her shakily as he tried very hard not to imagine _why_ she had been in Master Shifu's bed.

She didn't seem to care at all about his discomfort, though. "No, too much information would be if I toldya that he's insecure about the size of his penis."

"Aaaaand the line has officially been crossed."

"I never understood _why_, though. It always seemed a good size to me, for a red panda at least. Personally, I prefer 'em _big_, like _epic_. Y'know, bengal tiger big. You ever banged a tiger?"

Po could feel himself turning red at the topic she had brought up, painfully embarrassed. "N-no-"

"Really? Not even that Master Tigress?"

"Wha- no! No!" He winced as he imagined how Tigress might react if she learned that she had been brought up in such a context.

"Well, they're real fun in the sack, I'll tellya that much. Although, I gotta say, snakes rank pretty high up there, too. Y'know, the flexibility thing. Say, you ever-"

"_No!_"

"Anyway," she went on as if she were carrying on a normal conversation with him, "just between you and me, I ain't ever done a bear. And I'm always up for trying something new, so if you ever need a little experience under the belt, you just lemme know."

His jaw dropped and he just stared down at her, horrified.

"You'll warm up to me," she assured him, a lecherous grin on her face. "They all do, sooner or later. It's my natural charm, I guess." She pushed past him back out into the hallway while he tried his best not to be scarred for life; it didn't work. "Oh, hey, my old stomping grounds." She took a moment to peer into the kitchen, clucking her tongue as she did so. "Lookit all this."

"...All what?" Po asked, confused- though he was mostly just glad that she had forgotten all about her traumatizing proposition.

"You'd think _someone'd_ be capable of keeping my system in place, but I guess not. I can already see the place is a mess." She shook her head as if she were looking upon a great tragedy. "Not that I'm blaming you," she added so flippantly that she might as well have not said anything at all.

"Didn't you wanna see Shifu?" he asked; she didn't seem like she meant any harm, but he wasn't sure how much more of her he could handle.

"Yeah," she replied, still staring at the kitchen.

"...Then shouldn't we go to the training hall?"

"Just one thing before we go." Then, for no discernible reason, she grabbed hold of the free-standing cabinets next to the door and pushed them away from the wall, peering behind them. "I thought so," she commented.

"Huh?" He leaned in to see what she was looking at, but all he could make out were some faded marks on the wall.

"Let's go get Shifu," she suddenly ordered, then walked out of the room, leaving the cabinets askew. While she clearly knew her way around the mountain, Po wasn't about to let her go unescorted to wreak havoc on anyone else- especially not anyone who knew kung fu.

"Um, just outta curiosity," he called out as he chased after her, "what made ya wanna come back for a visit?"

She let out a bark of laughter as she left the barracks and headed for the training hall. "That's a good one, 'visit.'"

He wondered if Master Shifu was ever going to explain any of this to him or the members of the Furious Five. If he had to guess, he'd say probably not. "You're _not_ visiting, then?"

"When you get to be my age, kiddo, you get to thinking. And you realize there's more to life 'an you'd ever known."

"...Huh?" So much for getting any answers out of her.

"There're very few people I give a damn about left in this world, and most of 'em are on this side of the globe," she replied as they approached the training hall. "So I came to this side of the globe, naturally."

"What a coincidence, all the people I care about are over here, too." He'd been attempting to make a joke that time, but she didn't seem too amused by it.

"Good lord," she said, and for a moment he thought she was criticizing the admittedly weak attempt at humor, but then he realized she was staring at the stone-paved ground of the training hall's courtyard. "Y'know, that melon-head used to make me pick up grains of uncooked rice from the ground over here for half the day."

He assumed by "that melon-head" she meant Shifu. "...So he trained you in kung fu?"

"Nope," she dismissed, then ever so enigmatically left it at that and headed toward the hall. "Wow, it sounds like there're actually _people_ in here! That's new."

He followed her inside as she basically burst dramatically through the front doors, dreading how her presence there would be received. "Yeah, there're- where's Shifu?" The red panda's absence was immediately obvious, and worrisome. "Guess we should continue our search," he prompted, but the others had already noticed the stranger in their midst.

Monkey thwarted his attempt to escape the training hall with Lin when he dropped down from the seven talon rings. "Who's your friend, Po?"

"She's a friend of Master Shifu's, actually, and we were just gonna go find him," he rushed out, growing more nervous as the rest of the five took an interest in their guest. He just prayed that she didn't end up offending Tigress, the one master who wouldn't think twice about breaking every bone in her body.

Monkey didn't seem keen on letting them go, so Po just silently prayed. "Oh, a friend of Shifu's! Pleasure to meet you, Master." He bowed, apparently making the same mistake Po had in assuming that since she was a friend of Shifu's, she was also a kung fu master.

"Well, damn," she replied, sounding surprisingly flattered. "No one's really recognized me before, but you don't gotta call me Master or anything."

"Wait- what?" Po was lost- if she wasn't a master of _kung fu_, then what _had_ she mastered?

"I don't recognize you," Monkey amended sheepishly, "I just-"

"Oh, I get it!" she interrupted, though she seemed amused at the mistake. "I ain't a kung fu master. I'm just an old friend of ol' melon-head."

Mantis had joined them by this point, and let out one of his throaty laughs. "Melon-head?" he repeated. "Shifu's not gonna like that."

"If I gave two shits I wouldn't be calling him melon-head in the first place, now, would I?" she pointed out.

"_You're_ an old friend of Shifu's?" Viper asked incredulously as she slithered into the group, and Po gave up all hope whatsoever of keeping Lin from spouting out lewd, offensive things to the five most skilled kung fu warriors in all of China.

At the very least, Tigress had yet to join in the conversation- she had instead remained a few feet behind the rest of the group, a mixture of suspicion and distinct displeasure radiating off her so intensely that he wouldn't be surprised if the first person who got within arms' length of her simply dropped dead.

"I didn't even think Shifu _had_ any friends," Mantis laughed, bringing Po's attention back to the conversation at hand.

"No, I'm sure he has... A few," Crane added in his usual judicious manner. "At least one."

"You guys are terrible," Viper scolded, though she was clearly amused. "I am sure that Master Shifu has plenty of friends. He has a lot to offer."

"Like what?" Lin scoffed. "An aneurysm by proxy? The man's got a sphincter the size of a grain of sand."

"It sounds to me," Tigress suddenly added, her voice cold enough to freeze the surface of the sun itself, "that you aren't a very good friend. Does Master Shifu know you talk like this about him behind his back?"

Amazingly, Lin remained completely unfazed- no mean feat when faced with someone as intimidating as Tigress. "Of course he does," she answered nonchalantly. "I used to do it to his face all the time."

The assertion was met with silence; Po could not even begin to imagine _anyone_ talking like that to Shifu's face without being totally obliterated, and he doubted anyone else in the room could, either.

"Uhm..." he spoke up, because he knew that _someone_ needed to relieve the tension. "Speaking of Shifu, does anyone know where he is?"

"The peach tree, I think," Crane answered hesitantly, eyeing Lin as if she were an explosive.

As appeared to be her habit, she ignored everyone else's comfort level and made yet another outlandishly derogatory remark. "Stuffing his face with peaches? Yeah, sounds like him."

Po groaned to himself as Tigress glared daggers at the old woman. "You are a guest here at the Jade Palace," she pointed out. "You have no right to speak that way about its master."

"Apparently," Lin agreed. "Still, you're gonna hafta trust me when I say he likes it."

"I dunno about that," Po jumped in before Tigress could continue the argument. He didn't think Shifu would be very happy to walk in on a fight between the two women, or his friend beaten to a pulp, depending on how long it took him to get there. "But what I _do_ know it that any friend of Shifu's is a friend of ours. Right?" He shot a pleading look around at all of his fellow masters, hoping they'd take the hint to help him diffuse the situation. "Right, guys?"

Viper and Crane were the first to chime in with a "right, of course," and Mantis and Monkey shortly followed.

"Friends forever," Mantis needlessly added after a short, awkward pause.

Tigress glared at them and crossed her arms, clearly not convinced.

Po would have once again attempted to thin out the tension in the air, except the only thing that could have happened to make matters worse... Happened.

"And besides, I got enough dirt on that old prude to blackmail him even if we weren't," Lin jumped in right as Shifu entered the training hall and undoubtedly heard every word she'd just said.

They all stared at her, waiting for her to realize that the subject of her ridicule was right behind her.

"What?" she asked, then when the question was met with further silence she seemed to realize what the problem was. "This is kinda awkward," she muttered as she slowly turned around to face Shifu, who had remained stonily silent since his arrival.

He only said one thing, and it definitely was not what Po had been expecting to hear. "Students, leave us." His tone brooked no argument, so with nervous glances between each other they bowed in respect and obediently filed out of the building. They remained tense even after they'd gotten outside, since they knew their master could still hear them. Po, for one, was intensely curious as to why Shifu had kicked them out of the barracks; surely any reunion with an old friend wouldn't be _that_ private of an event.

Once the six of them had gotten a safe distance away (halfway back to the barracks), they all let out a collective sigh of relief.

"I wonder what's going on in there right now," Viper mused, turning her curious gaze back in the direction of the training hall.

"Don't look, Shifu might sense it," Crane whispered, but she only rolled her eyes at him.

"I got my money on a smackdown," Mantis stated conversationally, then let out a hearty chuckle.

"I don't doubt that," Monkey agreed. "The real question is: will there be anything left, or just a dog-shaped hole in the wall?"

Tigress remained conspicuously silent on the matter, the only indication of her mood her tail swishing irritably back and forth behind her.

"I don't think we should gossip just yet," Po sighed, hoping that they were wrong; despite the old woman's rudeness and general disregard for socially acceptable behavior, he sort of liked her. He didn't think he could have handled her for much longer, but he still sort of liked her. She didn't seem malicious (though he'd already been traumatized by her in the short time he'd known her), and he could tell she genuinely wanted to see Shifu. He still had to admit that he could never imagine, even if they were the last two people on Earth, the uptight kung fu master actually _hanging out_ with such a... Crazy person. She was the last kind of woman he could imagine Shifu having a friendship with, let alone anything more (if Lin's offhand comments about "playing grab-ass" and sharing a bed were to be believed). He once again shuddered at the thought of his master like that. It was just plain gross.

"Hey, Po!" Mantis called out, snapping him out of his reverie. "C'mon, place your bet. How long you think the old lady's gonna last?" Apparently a betting pool had started while he'd been drifting off.

"I don't think there's gonna be a fight," he replied; something gave him a feeling that Lin hadn't been lying about her former relationship with Shifu, whatever that might have been.

"Okay, so I'll put you down under the 'killjoy' column."

"Hey, I'm not trying to be a killjoy, I just think the two of 'em are _actually_ friends."

"Well I got a thousand to one odds on that, so you better hope for a miracle, buddy."

He shook his head as the others chimed in with similar jokes, then glanced back at the training hall as he wondered what could possibly be happening inside.

* * *

Shifu honestly could not do anything except stare. If someone had told him when he'd woken up that morning that in only a little over an hour he would walk into the training hall and come face to face with the one person in his life he felt certain he'd never see again, he would have kicked them off the mountain. Yet there she was.

Lin. He'd recognized her immediately; her fluffy fur was admittedly more bedraggled and lackluster than it had once been, her right eye was cloudy with cataracts, and she was missing a bit of her left ear- not to mention she'd aged quite a bit, which he supposed was to be expected for someone with her lifestyle. And that voice- gone was the youthful, energetic voice that could soothe an aching wound and carry across the mountain in blind rage all in the same breath. In its stead was the wizened, gravelly rasp of a chain smoker. Again, something that shouldn't have surprised him.

Still, he'd know her anywhere. If she shaved off all her fur and dressed like a buddhist monk, he'd still know her anywhere. After all, she had been his first real love. The only one, actually.

"...You _do_ recognize me, right?" she spoke up, and he realized he'd been staring for quite some time.

"Yes," he answered, unsure of what else to say. "Of course I do." He still had no idea how to react to her. Part of him wanted to simply pull her into an embrace she would inevitably beat him silly for; another part of him knew how ridiculous that would be, after over thirty years apart. And every part of him was burning with curiosity. There were so many questions to ask her- where she'd been, what she'd been doing, why she was back in the valley. He settled on simply appreciating that she'd come back at all, and left the next move to her.

"You got fatter," she pointed out. Obviously it had been a mistake to leave the tearful reunion in her hands. "And what's with that ear hair? What're you, cultivating sprouts in there? And by the way, I didn't think it was possible for your mustache to get any more dumb looking, but then you went and grew it out just to prove me wrong."

"It is good to see you, too," he huffed, "you relentless harpy." He should have known she'd make it impossible for her return to be even approaching joyous. "You walk in here after thirty-three years, and all you have to say is that I look horrible. _Nice_."

"What'd you expect, that I'd burst into tears and tellya life wasn't worth living without you?"

"It could not hurt to try something new for once." He paused to wonder how long it was going to take for things between them to stop being awkward. "Well, was it?" That question probably hadn't helped.

She laughed at him, a throaty cackle that filled the room. "You're still an ass," she replied. "By the way, I heard about all that Dragon Scroll business. The panda?"

"Yes, the panda," he confirmed.

"So what was in it?"

He really did _not_ want to tell her. But she would find out sooner or later, so it may as well come from him. "Nothing." He waited for a snide remark, but she just stared at him. "It was blank," he repeated, annoyed at her lack of reaction.

Of course, she burst into laughter. "I thought you were just teasing me for a minute there!" she wheezed out in between chuckles. "_Nothing?_ Really?"

"Yes, laugh it up," he grumbled, finding that her amusement was even more agitating than her silence had been. "It was just a reflection."

"Hey, now, a reflection ain't nothing," she comforted, though the effect was somewhat negated by the fact that she was still chuckling.

"Let me know when you are done laughing at my expense," he huffed, turning to go. "Then perhaps we can talk."

"Aw, c'mon," she sighed, though the threat seemed to end her amusement fairly quickly. "I didn't mean to laugh so much. It's just... I ain't had a lot to laugh about lately." She was as much a master of guilt trips as ever.

"I gather you know all the sordid details of the past twenty years by now." He waited for her to ream him out for messing up so badly as a father and to say she'd told him so, but she surprised him.

"I'm, uh... Real sorry," she said awkwardly, then reached out to give him a part on the arm. "I guess it's been tough for both of us, huh?"

"'Tough' does not even begin to describe it." He wondered what kind of 'tough' times Lin had faced in her travels; judging by her usual nonchalance in the face of adversity, the past few decades had probably been downright horrific, for her to simply admit they had been "tough." "Things have been looking up for me in the past few months, though. And you?"

"I had some good times and some bad," she replied vaguely. "Everyone goes through shit in their lives, y'know. I saw the world like I wanted to, I settled down for a little while. Dropped some bad habits, picked up some worse ones. And I came back here."

"You... Have no family to speak of?" He remembered how adverse she had been to getting married and having children, but he supposed in the back of his mind he'd always thought she'd find her own version of the archetype.

"Nah. Not outside of China, anyway," she dismissed, and he couldn't help but smile at her implication. "They're all dead." That certainly wiped the smile clear away.

"Still a delightful conversationalist, I see," he pointed out sarcastically.

"What can I say? I've never been above using personal tragedy to make others hilariously uncomfortable." She grinned at him, then headed for the door. "You wanna eat something? 'Cause I'm starved."

"You have such a way with words." He marveled at how quickly they had managed to revert back to their old patterns as he turned and followed her. Still, there was something about her teasing that was more mellow than he remembered. Perhaps she had softened over the years. "Tell me, when did you first adopt this calm air you seem to have about you?" There was something about her that was almost... Wise.

"Probably after I went to war," she replied lightly. "After you kill a certain number of people, you just stop sweating the small stuff."

Perhaps he had spoken too soon when he'd said to himself that she'd softened. "I see." He sincerely hoped she hadn't said anything of that nature to his students; he didn't want to have to explain it later. "So... It is a lovely day today." He wanted to change the subject, and small talk was the best way to do it.

"Yeah, I get it," she replied easily, glancing up at the sky. "Should probably save the grim stuff for later. So... You get married or anything?"

"Who has time for that sort of thing?" he brushed off, though it was rather truthful; he had never pursued any relationships after Lin because he had always felt too busy or too involved with Tai Lung's training to bother. And after the rampage, the last thing he'd wanted to do was to put himself out there. Besides, after a while the subject of romance had simply stopped crossing his mind.

"Yeah, I get what you mean," she agreed. "There's so much bullshit involved with romance. It's better to just have sex and get it over with, if you ask me."

He tried his best to not to blush at the flippant comment, but failed miserably.

"I know what you're thinking," she went on before he could say anything. "I may not've been a slut back when you first met me, but I sure as hell am one now. I ain't quite had as many men in me as the urn of whispering warriors, but hey, if dreams weren't difficult to achieve then they wouldn't be dreams."

"Alright, that's enough." He was certain that he looked like steam was about to billow out from his ears. "If you think I care that you have conquered more territory than Genghis Khan, then you are wrong," he lied. Still, he shouldn't have expected her love life to go stale as his had; she had been on the move, meeting new people all the time, finding a new home with each passing week.

"Spoken like someone who hasn't gotten laid in way too long," she teased. "Not that it's a contest or anything."

"It has been over three decades since we have last seen each other, I think we can find something better to discuss than sex."

"No such thing," she shot back, but miraculously respected his wishes. "I met your daughter, by the way." Not that she found anything even remotely comfortable to segue into after conversing about sex.

"So you know about Tigress?" He tried not to let it bother him; he was at peace now, after all.

"Chen told me, said she was one of the best kung fu warriors in all of China. Then again, he also called you a fat badger, but I chose to believe him. She hates me, of course. I'm betting she takes after you a lot."

He was surprised by how eager Lin seemed to be to talk about Tigress (and a little offended by the fat badger comment). "She does, though I doubt it is a good thing."

She laughed at the admission as they entered the barracks and headed toward the kitchen. "You might still be uptight as hell, but I'm glad to see you at least have a sense of humor about yourself."

"That was more Po's doing than anything else." He paused as they entered the kitchen, eyeing the cabinets next to the door that had been pushed away from the wall. He had no doubts as to whose handiwork that had been. "So you have already visited the kitchen," he surmised.

"Yeah, and don't think I didn't notice what a mess it is."

"That is not exactly what I was concerned about." He pointedly pushed the cabinets back into their proper place.

"Oh, right. That." She cleared her throat awkwardly and fidgeted with her ear a bit. "I was just... Looking." She turned to the cabinets near the stovetop, then, and began rummaging through them for ingredients. "So you covered those marks up after the whole... Shebang?"

"Yes," he confirmed; he hadn't expected her to pursue the subject. He supposed he'd simply underestimated her pushiness. "You seem to know all that has happened to me since your departure, yet you have yet to volunteer any specific details about your own life," he pointed out.

"Didya really expect any different?" she shot back.

"I thought you might have become more open with age." He wondered if she was joking. If she actually refused to tell him anything, he was going to pick her up himself and throw her down the thousand steps.

"Alright, I'll tellya a thing or two about my life." She pulled a bag of rice out of the cabinet and dropped it onto the counter. "Where to begin?"

"Well... Did you make it to India?" He supposed it was as good a place as any to start.

"I sure did. Took that trip up to Nepal like I wanted to, too." She paused to shoot him a wide grin, which he found rather disconcerting.

"What?"

"There were a lotta red pandas up there," she clarified. "With big, bushy tails... And the cutest _little_ ears."

"I despise you," he replied immediately.

"And you think that bothers me?"

"You have a point there," he conceded. "It has never bothered you before, after all."

"And never will," she added. "Now where was I? Oh yeah- India. Well, I was living there for a coupla years, criticizing the government, the wealthy class, the rigid caste system... That sorta thing. From there it was northwest through Pakistan, Iran, and then Turkey. They weren't too fond of me there. I took a ship from Turkey that stopped in Greece for a little bit, then onward to the land of my birth. Well, actually, mostly just Rome. I settled there for a while- after all, targets don't get much more prime 'an the Pope. Got excommunicated, sentenced to death, the usual. From there, it was off to France- and lemme tellya, the food was outta this world! Not to mention the aristocracy kept me plenty busy. From France I went northeast, back toward Germany, Poland... Basically wandered around for a few years there, I won't boreya with all the little details. I ended up back west, in Spain, and, well... Let's just say those inquisition guys really mean business. I'd been sentenced to death or life in prison in most of the places I'd been, so I headed for the one country I could think of that had no censorship laws- England. I made my way up the coast of France to the English Channel, swam across, and I was home free. Spent twelve years there, too."

"Wait- you _swam_ there?"

"Yeah, it was summertime, so it wasn't too bad. Besides, I couldn't catch a ship, what else was I supposed to do?" She began making what he suspected would be rice porridge, then put some water on to boil for tea.

"I am starting to think that you were holding out on me," he joked. "If I had known what you were truly capable of, I definitely would have forced you to learn kung fu."

"And I woulda bludgeoned you to death with my spoon," she shot back, then covered her pot of rice and turned around to face him, leaning back against the counter. "Y'know, this brings up something important. Something I been thinking about... Well, pretty much since I decided to come back."

"Oh? And what would that be?" He reminded himself of her habit of sounding sincere when she actually intended to make some immature joke at his expense. "Let me guess- something to do with the size of my ears?"

"Nah, I'm being serious," she surprised him. "Y'see, the thing is... I don't really know you anymore."

"What are you talking about? We are standing here in the kitchen, talking and trading barbs just as we always used to."

"You mean just like we did over thirty years ago," she pointed out.

"Alright," he conceded, "I admit that we have both changed. So I have one bad knee and a bushel of ear hair, but that does not mean you don't know me anymore."

"That's not what I'm talking about, and I think you know that." She paused to give him a very pointed look. "We don't know each other anymore, is what I meant to say. It's been so long, we might as well be strangers."

"That is not true," he argued, even though he knew she had a good point. "The more things change, the more they stay the same. For instance, you still love to make fun of me." Which he might have actually preferred to their current discussion.

"That's just what I'm saying- I 'still' make fun of you. We're talking just like we 'always used to.' I've been back here for less than half an hour and you're already measuring me against your decades-old memories- and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing the same to you. But I'm not the same person I was back then, and neither are you. And we can't walk around with those images of each other in mind- they're just fantasies, now. They're not real people anymore."

He wasn't quite sure how to react to her speech. He knew it was true, of course, but he hadn't expected their catching up and reminiscing to take such a serious turn. "What are you saying, exactly?"

"I dunno," she huffed, though she probably knew precisely what she wanted to say. "I just... I want us to get to know each other again. If you're up to it."

"Yes," he agreed immediately, then cleared his throat in embarrassment at how quickly he'd done so. "I, uhm... I would like that, as well. But how much time would I have, before you..." He trailed off, wondering if she might be offended if he used the words, "leave again."

She got the idea, though. "A valid concern," she acknowledged. "But I've decided to retire, in a manner of speaking. I'm gonna settle down, for good."

He had suspected as much, though he hadn't kept his hopes up. "Settle down? You mean here in the Valley?"

"I mean in my old room," she corrected. "It looked empty, so I took it. I'll need a decent bed, though, and I ain't gonna be your cook again. Don't get me wrong, I'll cook every now and then, but only when I feel like it. Mostly I'll be making art."

"You... What?" He should have seen this coming, but somehow he hadn't. "Let me get this straight. You have decided, entirely on your own, that you now live here."

"You're the one who invited me," she replied.

"That was thirty-three years ago, and you are the one who just said that the people we were then aren't real anymore!" He felt his eye begin to twitch, a habit that he had hoped would disappear after he'd apparently reached peace. How could he possibly be at peace, though, with Lin around?

"You said even if a hundred years had passed I'd still be welcome," she sniffed indignantly, crossing her arms. "No take-backsies."

"You- _you-_" He rubbed at his temples in an attempt to relieve the pressure that had been building there; he had no clue what he was going to tell his students, and he could not even begin to imagine how any of them would get along with her. "You are going to make my head _literally_ explode one day. One day _soon_."

"I see we're on the same page." She reached behind her to grab the water for tea that had begun to boil.

He sunk down into a chair at the kitchen table, still dazed by the fact that Lin had shown up out of the blue after thirty-three years, only to declare that she was moving in. And somehow he had let her. "You are the reason acupuncture therapy was invented."

"So _that's_ what's stuck up your ass," she observed conversationally, then set a pot of tea and a cup in front of him and took a seat beside him. "I was starting to wonder."

He glared at her for the comment, though he knew she would only enjoy it. "What am I going to tell my students?"

"The truth," she said with a shrug. "Hey, if you don't want me here, just say so."

He opened his mouth, about to say just that, when he realized that it wasn't how he felt. He _did_ want her there. He wanted to get to know her again, to hear her laugh again and see her smile again. He had just forgotten, momentarily, how aggravating she could be. "I do want you here," he admitted. "But promise me that you will at least _try_ not to make my students want to strangle you."

"Yeah, I'll try," she sighed, sounding incredibly put upon. "Y'know, I wouldn'ta taken no for an answer, anyway."

"I know." He doubted he would have been able to kick her out even if he'd spent the rest of his life trying to do so. "This is going to sound sickeningly sentimental, but... Over the years, I have found myself... Thinking about you."

"Trust me when I say it's taking all my strength not to burst into tears," she replied, completely dead-pan.

"Yes, I get your point," he grumbled, frowning back at her. "What I am trying to say is, I've missed you."

She stared back at him for a moment, and he thought for sure that she would make fun of him again, but she took him by surprise with her response. "I missed you, too," she sighed, then reached toward him and... Tugged painfully on his beard.

"What are you doing?" he grunted, batting her hand away.

"It was crooked," she shot back, and then her hand darted forward to give his facial hair one last yank. "There, much better."

"Remind me again why I am allowing you within arm's reach of me."

"Because," she answered, and her voice took on an uncharacteristically gentle tone, "no matter what happens, we'll always be friends."

Despite the fact that he knew it would most likely be mere seconds before she insulted him, she had still somehow managed to melt his heart with that simple declaration. "Lin... I don't know what to say."

"Well, you can start with 'thanks for breakfast.' And you can follow up with 'on top of retaining your youthful beauty, you have also gained an insightful wisdom that is beyond your years.'" She grinned widely at him, revealing that the majority of the teeth on the right side of her mouth were, in fact, wooden.

He resisted the urge to wince and rub at his cheek as he imagined what kind of painful experience might have resulted in the loss of teeth- most likely a violent event. "Are you certain that you are a completely different person now than you were thirty years ago?" he asked to mask his reaction. "Because I seem to recall you being this full of yourself back then, as well."

"Our memories can deceive us," she replied enigmatically, though due to the subject at hand the phrase was somewhat lacking in wisdom.

He rolled his eyes at her. "The only deception here is the illusion that your words are coming from your mouth, when you are in fact speaking out of your ass."

She just grinned and poured his tea for him.

"I have a feeling," he went on, because he doubted that any silence between them could be anything but awkward, "that your residence here is going to be nothing if not torturous."

"That's how you talk to me after I'm gone for thirty years?" she suddenly nagged, most likely in a parody of his response to her teasing about his looks. "Nice."

"But you-"

"_Nice_," she interrupted him, and he realized that she was not being even a little bit sincere.

"Get over yourself," he shot back, then tasted the tea; she had brewed it even better than he'd remembered. At that recollection he reminded himself not to compare her to his memories, as she'd requested. It was going to be difficult; after all, as much as she had changed in appearance there was still a lot about her that didn't seem to have changed at all. She was still as determined to get on his nerves as ever, still crass and rude, still vibrant and funny with a smile that made him feel like they were the only two people in the entire world. Everything about the arrangement would be difficult, but he had a feeling that it would be worth it.

She leaned back in her seat and poured a cup of tea of her own, looking him straight in the eye. "I got something a little more serious to ask you about," she added, sobering at the pause in their conversation that had been caused by his musing. "Not that I wanna bring the mood down, but... Well, after I left..."

"What?" he prompted, curious as to what she wanted to know.

"I'm just wondering... What was the situation? I mean with the government?" She leaned a bit closer to him, apparently eager for an answer.

"I'm not sure if I should say anything..." Shifu looked down into his tea, his brow furrowing; it was something of a sensitive topic, after all.

"Go on, I can take it," she replied, waving her hand at him in a dismissive gesture. "I'm a big girl."

"Well, uhm..." He glanced up at her, hoping his answer didn't upset her too much. "No one ever came looking for you."

"Eh?"

"Not even a single soldier. Not so much as an inquiry by mail." He shrugged, lost on what else to tell her. It was probably quite difficult to hear that she had fled the valley and China for fear of a threat that hadn't even existed, and he didn't want to make her feel worse by saying the wrong thing.

"Really? Nobody?" She narrowed her eyes, one side of her lip curling up in a familiar expression of disbelief.

"Not long after you left, I even wrote a letter on your behalf, and... Uh... No one even knew what I was talking about." He tapped his fingers on the table, waiting for her reaction.

Lin blinked at him a few times, looking dumbfounded.

Then she laughed.

* * *

A/N: And there you have it. Well, not to ruin this beautiful moment or anything, but I have a little something else for everyone. Consider it the "Special Features," of the fic. Mainly deleted scenes, notes on the characters, and of course my personal favorite: "production art." And lots of it. Just mosey on down to livejournal for a post of all things Blue Plate Special: marie-goos-v2 [DOT] livejournal [DOT] com/12240 [DOT] html

Some last notes: The title of the epilogue mean "The Appetite Comes When You're Eating." I actually considered that title for the overall fic. Also, I've been thinking of writing more in the Blue Plate Special timeline, like a one-shot about Shifu's past... And something sequel-ish? We'll see. Well... That's it! Ta ta for now, and sincere thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, and supporting me through this fic. I am truly grateful toward each and every one of you. Now go to bed, because I know it's probably 4 in the morning wherever you are (when else does anyone read fanfiction? :P)


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